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Five Element Ninjas (五遁忍術) - 1982 AKA "Super Chinese Ninjas" I can't recommend this movie enough, a legal copy is coming to DVD this January! http://www.amazon.com/Five-Element-Ninjas-Shaw-Brothers/dp/B002IRYYKA/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=dvd&qid=1262679621&sr=8-1 This movie has been available on DVD before, but generally in poor quality (i.e. VHS direct transfer) with many scenes missing, and the previous DVD was discontinued. The Tokyo Shock release appears to correct some of this, but I will update this review when I get the DVD to let you know if the DVD is any good. This movie is absolutely resplendent in its absudity, and endlessly entertaining. Everything about this movie is so wrong and so right at the same time. Produced by the Asian cinema powerhouse "Shaw Brothers", this film is one of my favorites of all time. It's a little late to be "grindhouse", but it captures the feel of that genre.  Yes, all of these ninjas are dressed in Gold Lame. No, I am not making this up! The movie wastes no time in getting into the thick of it. There is a big martial arts tournament to determine which of two rival clans are stronger. In case you are not sure who to root for, the producers have thoughtfully put the "good" guys in white, and the bad guys in "dark", making it easy on us. Michael Bay needs to learn this fabulous technique for his next Transformers movie. Unfortunatey, all of the heroes are effeminately dressed in gossamer robes, have long flowing hair, and wear make-up, so it's hard to tell which guy is which, and whether or not they are saving up for that special operation. Anyway, among the bad guys is samurai who must have got lost on his way to Japan, and after he suffers defeat, he commits harikari to uphold his honor. Except that he fought a guy who was unarmed and has choreography that is more like a villiage people dancer showing his best disco moves than fighting, so the samurai has no honor. And as he is dying, he poisons the master of the dojo, so he's basically an insufferable prick without a shred of dignity. Later, a challenge is given to them by a ninja who is working with the evil clan (i.e., the guys who don't look like they escaped from a gay porn movie), and it's time for some bloody vengance.  We are Family! I mean bloody. This movie has more severed limbs than the average round of Left 4 Dead 2. People a literally pulled apart, and there must have been some serious mopwork after the cameras were turned off. The fights are bizarre and inventive, and have a surreal cartoon feel to them, with ninjas hiding inside rubber trees and shurikens that go through people, only to have that person realize some time later that they are already dead. There are five ninja clans corresponding to five Chinese elements (Gold,Wood, Water, Fire, Earth), each with their own relevant school of attack. And Lo, the heroes who went to get revenge against the other clan die horrible deaths at the hands of the ninjas. The leader of the the heroes is defeated after he literally trips on his own robe. Roll credits.... Oh wait, I forgot that the fruitiest looking guy Tien-hao is still alive, and didn't go to the slaughter with his fighting brothers. He was "convinced" that he should not go to his death. And with that, the cycle of destruction begins again, this time with Tien-hao issuing a challenge to the ninjas, and embarking on a mission of even greater destruction with the greatest transformable weapon of all time and his new lady-boy friends. Just wait 'til you see their cheerleading formation! Will Tien-hao return triumphant, or will he return in several small packages marked "Organ Donation"? You will just have to watch to find out! FINAL SCORE   (your personal taste may vary, as I am into this type of movie. If you liked Riki-Oh, then I'm pretty sure you will love this movie.) This movie is avaiable on Netflix here: http://www.netflix.com/Movie/Five_E...sr&trkid=222336 ...Did I mention the half naked lady ninja?
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Jan 5, 2010 09:41
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Well, I'm glad this movie has found another fan. It may not be the best martial arts movie, but it may just be the most entertaining one. The movie is all about weaponry, so you get tons of strange knives, claws, etc. mixed in. Plus, you have ridiculous, impressionistic gore that doesn't look realistic, but manages to be very visceral all the same. Chang Cheh always helmed the nastiest Shaw Bros projects, and I think this is his masterwork. The guy tripping on his own bowel (not his robe) has one of the greatest wince factors ever. I won't spoil the ending, but it's right up there with the best villain deaths ever, and it's finally uncut on my Celestial DVD. In addition to all this, you get really cool sound effects, surprisingly complex fights, the best oldschool wirework/edits ever, and a hilarious English dub. Just be sure to get the latest remaster put out by Celestial for Shaw Bros. If you can't find that, hopefully the forthcoming American version will be sufficient. Avoid all other versions. 5/5 - Part of my highschool years and introduction to gonzo cinema.
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Jan 7, 2010 10:50
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