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PREG NET
Jan 3, 2005


Rule #5: Arguably, my life is not worse than that of a Darfur war orphan(, but then again, they're usually high as poo poo and they get to fire huge rear end guns). I dunno though, the orphan might be into it, they're usually pretty young and I masturbated furiously to inappropriate poo poo when I was a kid).

Last night, I ended up going with much reluctance to my family reunion. Honestly, I didn't want to go - us Irish Catholics are pretty recalcitrant towards societal norms in this stupid country; I mean really, gently caress hugging it out. Anyway, my sister ended up putting me into a guilt trip spiral about obligation to the family and as a result, I had to spend last night stuck in Connecticut at a barbeque.

But all that poo poo is boring. Let's get to it: when I was twelve, I fooled around with my cousin at the first family reunion my family forced me to go to at the family island. Basically, that's where I learned that masculinity is based off of physical strength and not impressing some girl that you can regurgitate basic facts or that you're emotionally needy. So yeah, I regrettably ended up beating up my younger cousin and I won the right to make out with my cute little cousin - I'm not sure it was the physical prowess, then again I was wearing a proper fit true religion jeans, the right shirt, and had the proper scent on for the season (thanks to this thread http://forums.somethingawful.com/sh...hreadid=3108653).

Fast forward to last night: she was there. I ended up making out with her again and going home with her. We were out to breakfast this morning and got to taking, our link was closer than I thought - she's my loving first cousin. Like, loving sharing a grandmother. Understandably, I'm feeling creepy and avoiding her calls all day. Her boyfriend is trying to threaten me with violence and my girlfriend won't return my calls.

How can I even clear this up, what do I do?


edit for confusion: I was wearing proper fit this time around, not the first time. The first time I had a bowl hair cut and wore ck one or something equally lamentable.

PREG NET fucked around with this message at Mar 20, 2010 around 18:35

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Super Aggro Crag
Apr 23, 2008

In nomine Patris, et Filii, et Spiritus Sancti, etc etc...


I hope your child together isn't retarded.

Fonzarelli
Aug 15, 2004

Jumping the Shark

How was this an accident? How, in any possible way, was this not intentional cousin loving?

PREG NET
Jan 3, 2005


Super Aggro Crag posted:

I hope your child together isn't retarded.

I wore protection. I mean, I'm not retarded.

Fonzarelli posted:

How was this an accident? How, in any possible way, was this not intentional cousin loving?


There was a lot of drinking. Our biology just got away with us I think.

VidaGrey
Mar 19, 2009

The more I see of men, the more I like dogs.



Generally it's pretty easy for most people avoid loving family members. If you haven't learned how to not gently caress them then I don't know what to tell you.

edit: Yes, I'm pretty sure you are retarded, and no, sticking your dick in your cousin didn't seem like an accident according to your lovely convoluted story.

Captain Horny
Apr 28, 2007


Well at least you guys took it slow and started as kissin' cousins before going to fuckin' cousins. The break up is going to be awkward though, but hey there's plenty of familial fish in the sea.

Also yeah I don't really see how this is an accident, drinking or not.

PREG NET
Jan 3, 2005


VidaGrey posted:

Generally it's pretty easy for most people avoid loving family members. If you haven't learned how to not gently caress them then I don't know what to tell you.

It wouldn't have been that creepy if it was a 2nd or 3rd cousin. Historically, this was the typical constituency for marriage and breeding. I'm just upset that this isn't normative for current day - what's so different now?

Captain Horny posted:

Also yeah I don't really see how this is an accident, drinking or not.

Like you've never started a night just planning to talk to a girl?

Captain Horny
Apr 28, 2007


PREG NET posted:

It wouldn't have been that creepy if it was a 2nd or 3rd cousin. Historically, this was the typical constituency for marriage and breeding. I'm just upset that this isn't normative for current day - what's so different now?


Like you've never started a night just planning to talk to a girl?

Yes but you see I still have the restraint to not gently caress my family members.

Pharmaskittle
Dec 17, 2007

EVEN IN DEATH I STILL SWERVE



Holyyyy poo poo, and here I was starting to lose interest in E/N.

...was she any good?

PREG NET
Jan 3, 2005


Pharmaskittle posted:

...was she any good?

Dude, are you loving kidding? Have some taste.

edit:
whatever, let the vultures in:

she was pretty typical - vanilla oral and missionary...even at coitus i was like "she's your loving cousin, she's your loving cousin" (only later did i have a heh at the literal meaning)

PREG NET fucked around with this message at Mar 20, 2010 around 06:59

FullDisclosure
Dec 24, 2009


I try not to hit on my blood relatives, usually this isn't too hard, but apparently I've never been drinking with them.

In all honesty, your pretty hosed. With luck, you can keep this between you and her, and not let the rest of your family find out, because if they do, you will *never* live it down.

Every family reunion, they'll remind you that you hosed your cousin, without fail.

VidaGrey
Mar 19, 2009

The more I see of men, the more I like dogs.



PREG NET posted:

Dude, are you loving kidding? Have some taste.

You first.


Anyhow, I believe there actually is a slightly higher risk of birth defects between 1st cousins...and the social stigma in the U.S (many other countries allow 1st cousin loving) Just don't have babies and don't ever let your family find out I guess.

PREG NET
Jan 3, 2005


FullDisclosure posted:

In all honesty, your pretty hosed. With luck, you can keep this between you and her, and not let the rest of your family find out, because if they do, you will *never* live it down.

heh, your username and this thread...


my family doesn't know about it yet. with some luck, they won't.

VidaGrey
Mar 19, 2009

The more I see of men, the more I like dogs.



Maybe the angry boyfriend will let them know.

Captain Horny
Apr 28, 2007


Annnnd I just realized you're from fyad okay mystery solved. Let's all gently caress some cousins everyone, cousin fuckin' for all.

Pharmaskittle
Dec 17, 2007

EVEN IN DEATH I STILL SWERVE



Or your angry girlfriend. Or your retarded inbred baby.

edit:

quote:

Annnnd I just realized you're from fyad okay mystery solved. Let's all gently caress some cousins everyone, cousin fuckin' for all.

I too noticed this, but do you really think that makes it less likely that he hosed his cousin?

url
Apr 23, 2007

internet gnuru


Tbh, i think the stigma is passe.

the times.co.uk posted:

I had sex with my brother but I don't feel guilty
A woman slept with her sibling for years and has good memories. Not many people understand their relationship, she says

PREG NET
Jan 3, 2005


Captain Horny posted:

Annnnd I just realized you're from fyad okay mystery solved. Let's all gently caress some cousins everyone, cousin fuckin' for all.

Just because I posted there a couple years ago doesn't mean that I don't have an IRL.

Pharmaskittle posted:

Or your angry girlfriend. Or your retarded inbred baby.

edit:
I too noticed this, but do you really think that makes it less likely that he hosed his cousin?

I called my parents to try to do some damage control to be like "My ex-katie (let's call her katie because that's her name) is going to say some crazy poo poo, just ignore her, she's hurt."

Fonzarelli
Aug 15, 2004

Jumping the Shark

My uncle was dating his cousin and whenever i'd bring it up in front of my dad he would just change the subject or act like he didn't hear.

PREG NET
Jan 3, 2005


url posted:

Tbh, i think the stigma is passe.

thank you for the support, this is what i really need right now

Shawing
May 29, 2008

Has anyone seen my dog?

Hopefully she didn't call you daddy when you were loving. That just would have been weird.

PREG NET
Jan 3, 2005


Shawing posted:

Hopefully she didn't call you daddy when you were loving. That just would have been weird.

Haha, thanks for helping me find humor in this. Jesus, gently caress my life.

url
Apr 23, 2007

internet gnuru


Shawing posted:

Hopefully she didn't call you daddy when you were loving. That just would have been weird.

or awesome.

Realistically, if you're boundary free, there's no real reason not to explore such avenues. Check out the article in my previous post.
Essentially, if the OP and his cuz are mature and appreciate their position and commit to being responsible about contraception etc, there's no reason for them not to pursue a potentially very satisfying sexual relationship. Hopefully OP she'll get over whatever differences you had in the after-shock of the event. More power & good luck to you.

Beat.
Nov 22, 2003

Hey, baby, wanna come up and see my etchings?


haha, this is fake as hell

TheElectronicOne
Oct 16, 2007
Are you the fullfiller?



e/n is the best forum

Saga
Aug 17, 2009


Ah, I see your problem.

What you need to do is to repeat the deed, say, 5, 6 or 30 times. After a while you'll stop caring about the cousin thing and it will feel entirely normal. Convince her to dump her boyfriend for you and that should more or less put an end to the threats of violence.

You will also have a new and lucrative sideline providing content for those incest forums that keep coming up on weekend web. Make sure to keep us updated!

PREG NET posted:

she was pretty typical - vanilla oral and missionary...even at coitus i was like "she's your loving cousin, she's your loving cousin" (only later did i have a heh at the literal meaning)

Torka
Jan 5, 2008



Beat. posted:

haha, this is fake as hell

Sometimes it's fun to play along.

PREG NET
Jan 3, 2005


Beat. posted:

haha, this is fake as hell

Sorry that we don't all live up to your expectations of a normal life. We can't really control who we're attracted to, can we?

Premier Paulson
Oct 9, 2008

I CAN'T SHUT UP ABOUT WHITE PEOPLE


hahaha, I accidentally did something that cannot be done by accident and requires deliberate choice, you see

dkj
Feb 18, 2009

USMNT USMNT USMNT USMNT USMNT USMNT


Beat. posted:

haha, this is fake as hell

(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)

PREG NET
Jan 3, 2005


Premier Paulson posted:

hahaha, I accidentally did something that cannot be done by accident and requires deliberate choice, you see

Hmm yeah, you troll me, having never made a mistake or gone home drunk with a girl.

Universe Master
Jun 20, 2005

Darn Fine Pie


PREG NET posted:

Like, loving sharing a grandmother.

So there was a threesome?

roboshit
Apr 4, 2009



Beat. posted:

haha, this is fake as hell

I want to believe it's real because my own failures seem insignificant to his

Kazvall
Mar 20, 2009



I'm not sure it's called an "accident" when you sleep with relatives. The children, however...

Saint Sputnik
Mar 31, 2007

when i mouth my
silent curses at you
i can see my breath

i hope the stars don't even
bother to come out tonight
i hope we both
freeze to death

"Accidentally" made out with your cousin years ago and then "accidentally" hosed her the other day? Good luck in your IRL.

PREG NET
Jan 3, 2005


Saint Sputnik posted:

"Accidentally" made out with your cousin years ago and then "accidentally" hosed her the other day? Good luck in your IRL.

We were kids then and we were alcohol drinking adults this time around.

Kazvall
Mar 20, 2009



So how far out from the "close relatives" spectrum do you have to be for your brain to no longer censor your penile inputs?

Obviously you get drunk one night with your mother, and you DON'T gently caress her. But, what's the scale?

How about a hot sister? A really sexy aunt?

Torka
Jan 5, 2008



Kazvall posted:

Obviously you get drunk one night with your mother, and you DON'T gently caress her.

Well, maybe YOU don't.

Avalanche
Feb 2, 2007


Eh, who gives a gently caress.

I mean, you somehow managed to seduce your OWN loving COUSIN, and got some average sex out of it. That takes skill of some sort. It could be worse. You could of spent $500 like most goons on some raunchy, herpes vagina.

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Kazvall
Mar 20, 2009



Torka posted:

Well, maybe YOU don't.

My apologies, sir. I'm quite aware of the "hole is a hole" rule. I won't judge you. Your dog might, though.
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