Am I doing more harm than good? - The Something Awful Forums

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > Am I doing more harm than good?

ladyweapon: Nov 6, 2010; It reads all over his face,
like he's an Italian.

Skittles n Bugs posted:

So if they start humping, you might never get them to stop! Fun times. At least he's finally stopped dragging it on top of me while I sleep.

I would definitely get spaghetti altered before this happens. Its unnerving to wake up to your cat staring at you, your favorite jacket in its mouth and the cat just goes "MMMRRROOOWWWWWWW" mid-hump. You can't stop it by taking away the item either, at least I can't, he just finds a new one.

Then again, like Chairman Meow said, this hasn't been tested in Criscoland either.

# ¿ Dec 16, 2010 18:54

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# ¿ May 24, 2013 07:47

ladyweapon: Nov 6, 2010; It reads all over his face,
like he's an Italian.

Oh god, Crisco that's so terrible. I've been lurking this thread since it started. You can always smoosh your cats with your face.

# ¿ Dec 20, 2010 04:02

ladyweapon: Nov 6, 2010; It reads all over his face,
like he's an Italian.

criscodisco posted:

While walking, even though I was completely miserable, you know how your mind always wanders, no matter what's happening? For the last hour or so, I really did think "How did Vanessa and Chalm survive this? Spaghetti is a spoiled brat who doesn't know hardship, but how did they do it? I swear to god, I'm never going to let another stray cat wander by in the winter without doing something."

Spaghetti is so fat now and you're going to start rescuing strays left and right

quote:

You're done playing? gently caress you, I can go all day, goddamn it. I'll grab your rear end while you're sleeping and I just don't give a gently caress.

See, there is a silver lining. Revenge

# ¿ Dec 21, 2010 04:45

ladyweapon: Nov 6, 2010; It reads all over his face,
like he's an Italian.

KnightLight posted:

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

did you have to quote it, I completely missed that part in his post.

# ¿ Dec 21, 2010 06:33

ladyweapon: Nov 6, 2010; It reads all over his face,
like he's an Italian.

criscodisco posted:

Also, is your username also your phone number?

quote:

I'm not gonna call or anything, I was just curious.

no one calls... no one...

No, I'm just incredibly lacking in creativity. It was a confirmation number

# ¿ Dec 21, 2010 09:20

ladyweapon: Nov 6, 2010; It reads all over his face,
like he's an Italian.

criscodisco posted:

Except the kind of lady who tends to split-rail fences and changes the oil.

And takes in strays, then takes their picture all day long

Oh god now I can't stop picturing you changing your car oil, hearing Chalmers meow, and running in the house to watch your 'shows' with the cats mid-afternoon

# ¿ Dec 21, 2010 23:11

ladyweapon: Nov 6, 2010; It reads all over his face,
like he's an Italian.

criscodisco posted:

In relation to that picture, why do my cats all want to sleep on my coat?

They sleep on your coat because it smells like you and they love you

# ¿ Dec 25, 2010 05:20

ladyweapon: Nov 6, 2010; It reads all over his face,
like he's an Italian.

Grantaire posted:

All of them are my favorite, but Vanessa is my double-favorite.

I'm sorry but Spaghetti is the biggest BAMF I've ever seen. Look at his expression. He's about to fight the floor just so he has something to fight

# ¿ Dec 31, 2010 19:05

ladyweapon: Nov 6, 2010; It reads all over his face,
like he's an Italian.

criscodisco posted:

This is farmland and all my neighbors, albeit more than a mile away, are all farms, too. There's always been a handful of stray cats that you always see skulking around the barns and such, but they never come up to the house and this one suddenly is.

You guys could always build a small house just for when the strays come to you due to your wicked cat harnessing powers. That way, you get to keep some kitties, but they don't live in your house, but they have a warm house with scratchies and good food/fresh water

like this, but better:

I seriously want you to bring Frizz in to see if you can tame the psychotic Tortie Cat. All Tortie's are absolutely batshit (mine included).

Tell your partner the internet demands new kitty satisfaction

edit:

Brillig posted:

And you need to get a cat who isn't the same color as the first three, for variety! I had too many gray cats so I adopted a black one, and he's perfect! A tortie would be a perfect contrast to your hoard!

# ¿ Jan 2, 2011 01:34

ladyweapon: Nov 6, 2010; It reads all over his face,
like he's an Italian.

criscodisco posted:

"If you don't see it, it won't move in."

~~We're~~ You're getting a new kitty ~~y'all~~!

# ¿ Jan 3, 2011 04:27

ladyweapon: Nov 6, 2010; It reads all over his face,
like he's an Italian.

skoolmunkee posted:

I say we invite the various global peace talks to come hang out in criscodisco's barn. At meal times they can come up to his back porch for plates of food and pets.

Everyone would discover a hidden language that is all inclusive, everyone understands everyone! There will be hugs, patty cake, and goulash.

# ¿ Jan 5, 2011 01:51

ladyweapon: Nov 6, 2010; It reads all over his face,
like he's an Italian.

criscodisco posted:

I said "OK, I'm sorry, but she is so small she reminds me of Spaghetti. I wonder if it could be his long lost sister? Maybe she saw him through the window and recognized him. I just worry."

drat, my grandma isn't even that good with subliminal guilt.

also, torties don't hate anything that doesn't fail to respect their utter dominance in the house. My 2lb tortie, Nermal, beats the crap out of my 13lb orange cat, Sully. Why? Because she runs the house. I also hold her like a baby and smoosh my face in her tummy until she gives me Angry Tortie Face

# ¿ Jan 11, 2011 13:55

ladyweapon: Nov 6, 2010; It reads all over his face,
like he's an Italian.

Scary Ned posted:

My tortie plays fetch with the single-mindedness of a retriever dog. The meowing will not stop until you throw the mouse. If you do not throw the mouse, the meowing will not stop.

This is my cat. Give my cat back right now

I second trapping Sauce. It won't traumatize him, just leave plenty of gushy in the trap so he can eat and then get him when you come home.

# ¿ Jan 13, 2011 01:06

ladyweapon: Nov 6, 2010; It reads all over his face,
like he's an Italian.

Serella posted:

And the cats. Don't forget the hoard of cats.

Just don't run out of food.

# ¿ Jan 14, 2011 04:21

ladyweapon: Nov 6, 2010; It reads all over his face,
like he's an Italian.

Theres something about getting a cat with thumbs that seems dangerous.

I hope you find Sauce (I'm with your partner on this name

) soon

# ¿ Jan 14, 2011 17:01

ladyweapon: Nov 6, 2010; It reads all over his face,
like he's an Italian.

Has any of his bunch brought him Presents yet? Maybe theres a Present waiting for you in the other room.

Have you tried having your cats use their magic cat powers (think captain planet) to heal your hands? Maybe this is whats happening.

# ¿ Jan 17, 2011 16:47

ladyweapon: Nov 6, 2010; It reads all over his face,
like he's an Italian.

I'm assuming someone told him his cats think he's a homo for buying it instead of killing it, right?

I love that he got a live-action shot. I can't believe I missed that, I'm going to have to go through this thread again.

# ¿ Jan 17, 2011 17:29

ladyweapon: Nov 6, 2010; It reads all over his face,
like he's an Italian.

criscodisco in "Am I doing more harm than good? I really don't like cats guys! posted:

I really wish my kids had white socks.

I will never get over this thread. It's too wonderful.

# ¿ Jan 26, 2011 03:08

ladyweapon: Nov 6, 2010; It reads all over his face,
like he's an Italian.

^^ i thought this too. Get 2 cats and they won't give a poo poo less if you're home or not unless the food dish is empty or their cat box has poop in it.

Also, leave glasses of water around so they can drink like people

I hope crisco does this/gets a picture of this.

# ¿ Jan 26, 2011 04:40

ladyweapon: Nov 6, 2010; It reads all over his face,
like he's an Italian.

KnightLight posted:

"What is this? I didn't order this! WAITER!"

This is now your life, CriscoDisco, get used to it. Give your cats glasses of water (in their pre-approved areas). You will know where their pre-approved areas are because they only want their glasses of water where you like to put your glass of anything.

For instance, I used to keep a glass of water on my dresser in case I woke up at night and I was thirsty. Now it is the cats' glass of water. I also used to leave a glass on top of my scanner/printer so I didn't knock it over next to my keyboard. That is now a cat-drinking-only spot too. However, next to the keyboard is fine because I often knock over my glass. You see how that works? If it inconveniences you, while inconvenience=ing you even more, it is an optimal place for a cat-glass full of fresh (cold) water. However, you may just want to try asking your cats if they wouldn't mind only drinking from certain areas as they seem extraordinarily cordial (magical).

Meow Cadet posted:

I just eat cat snot now. You learn to live with it.

This too. You just get used to it. I sneezed on one of my cats earlier and I think I took back a little bit of my pride at that second. Then I had to clean their box.

# ¿ Jan 26, 2011 06:24

ladyweapon: Nov 6, 2010; It reads all over his face,
like he's an Italian.

criscodisco posted:

We still went, and she was so calm in the car that she rode in my lap the whole time.

What the gently caress is this black magic? I have to get a reinforced carrier just so sully doesn't explode through it and tear through the car while I'm driving like he did with the cardboard shelter box they gave me.

quote:

I think I overreacted

You didn't. A change in an animals behavior is a big deal that needs to be attended to. You're a good owner

# ¿ Jan 29, 2011 03:20

ladyweapon: Nov 6, 2010; It reads all over his face,
like he's an Italian.

criscodisco posted:

As I type, Chalmers is sitting in front of the TV smacking the scrolling school closings on the bottom of the screen.

Does one of them watch you type? Nermal absolutely loves sitting on my lap watching me type.

quote:

Is everyone else under several inches of ice right now?

California, baby, it might get foggy today. Its looking clear and starting to get bright at 6:50AM

e. this thread is going to make me late for work. Pretty sure my boss would understand if I showed her this thread

# ¿ Feb 2, 2011 14:50

ladyweapon: Nov 6, 2010; It reads all over his face,
like he's an Italian.

xcheopis posted:

It's his ham... and it's in a bag. The only way it could be better would be if the ham-containing bag were in a box in a bright ray sunshine.

Next to a plant for accessible pooping and/or digging/eating. Never put anything into a bag that you actually want.

Re-usable cloth bags seem to be the exception to the rule. Chalmers is so cute

# ¿ Feb 4, 2011 23:12

ladyweapon: Nov 6, 2010; It reads all over his face,
like he's an Italian.

criscodisco posted:

I'm not so sure about that. For some reason, Spaghetti is completely uninterested/unaffected by catnip. I want him to be stoned so bad. But I mostly want everyone around me to be stoned.

My sully is about 3 and can't stand cat nip. He had one bad trip and now he doesn't go near the nip toy. However, Nermal loves it. She'll play fetch with her nip toy all day long.

# ¿ Feb 11, 2011 04:24

ladyweapon: Nov 6, 2010; It reads all over his face,
like he's an Italian.

Vanessa is such a pretty girl!

Spaghetti has the prettiest coat too. Chalmers is like the sage old man of the house. Cat butt dances are great. This thread is the ultimate picker upper, especially when theres a bunch of new pictures

# ¿ Feb 11, 2011 06:26

ladyweapon: Nov 6, 2010; It reads all over his face,
like he's an Italian.

Nostalgia4Infinity posted:

Yep, he's polydactyl.

Even when your animals are imperfect, they're perfect! <

# ¿ Feb 16, 2011 03:22

ladyweapon: Nov 6, 2010; It reads all over his face,
like he's an Italian.

criscodisco posted:

While I simply refuse to believe that anything as cute as Spaghetti could possibly ever make anything that smells bad, I'll see about getting him in next week.

Wait until he starts trying to hump vanessa or something. Get him in ASAP, a horny cat is not something you want to deal with.

quote:

cats are going to murder me, halp?

Your cat has thumbs. All you can do now is put the food in a pantry with a key lock. Or amuse them until you can you make a harrowing escape only to be taken down and purred to death in the middle of a field somewhere.

quote:

can tricks

I can't open anything in a can in my house. The cats descend upon me when they hear a can, any can. Even if they hear a can hit the counter, they're at my feet in seconds.

# ¿ Feb 17, 2011 04:26

ladyweapon: Nov 6, 2010; It reads all over his face,
like he's an Italian.

criscodisco posted:

He thinks about butterflies and rainbows and crunchy birds all day, I just know it.

My cat may be a murderer, but he is NOT a pervert! Good day, sir!

# ¿ Feb 17, 2011 05:13

ladyweapon: Nov 6, 2010; It reads all over his face,
like he's an Italian.

my cat is norris posted:

Many years ago I had an orange tabby named Pooh Bear who'd spray all over the place. The mystery of it was that he was fixed quite young, so I'm not sure why he picked up the behavior...

(He also liked to suckle on t-shirts.)

There is a grey area which is why everyone goes GET THEM FIXED ASAP. You don't know when those hormones will kick in and once they do, you're screwed (

# ¿ Feb 18, 2011 03:59

ladyweapon: Nov 6, 2010; It reads all over his face,
like he's an Italian.

Click here for the full 482x720 image.

Later that evening, he laid on the floor and 'died' until I opened a can of gushy food.

# ¿ Feb 18, 2011 17:12

ladyweapon: Nov 6, 2010; It reads all over his face,
like he's an Italian.

Scary Ned posted:

"You will sit on my lap now and go purr!" "No I-okpurrrrrrrr."

Oh god this is Sully to a T. He was neutered late, so he has a humping issue, but he loves love. I'll knock him over while he's meatloafing and lay on his fat fatty belly. He struggles, then mid-struggle, starts purring loud enough to wake up the neighbors. Its seriously like, "OH GOD I HATE THIS SO MUCH GET OFF OF ME don't get off of me, could you rub my ears?"

\/ droolcats are the best.

# ¿ Feb 21, 2011 05:46

ladyweapon: Nov 6, 2010; It reads all over his face,
like he's an Italian.

This thread needs more

Get your kitties some quality catnip, CriscoDisco!

# ¿ Feb 21, 2011 08:08

ladyweapon: Nov 6, 2010; It reads all over his face,
like he's an Italian.

criscodisco posted:

I know you guys love going "Oh haha you didn't know that?", but this is just a head's up in case you didn't already know:

Don't leave a cat toy box on the counter for later, especially if it has a surprise pouch of catnip inside. They'll know.

They'll know if you leave it in your car, in a metal safe, and leave your car parked 7 miles from your house.

Frizz update?

# ¿ Feb 25, 2011 04:47

ladyweapon: Nov 6, 2010; It reads all over his face,
like he's an Italian.

criscodisco posted:

Plus I've been scared to bring her in until there's no more usable testicles in this house. Thankfully, that will be changing tomorrow.

Your vet probably has rentable traps. Good luck spaghetti

# ¿ Feb 25, 2011 04:51

ladyweapon: Nov 6, 2010; It reads all over his face,
like he's an Italian.

FretforyourLatte posted:

Sooo...how wide IS her rear end? Like, knocked-up wide? Wonder if you'll have kittens in your barn or something. A fat stray would be a little odd.

Can you imagine how much food he puts out though?

criscodisco gets a new cat and kittens though.. I think this thread would implode.

# ¿ Feb 26, 2011 03:47

ladyweapon: Nov 6, 2010; It reads all over his face,
like he's an Italian.

Stew Man Chew posted:

Cone pictures cone pictures!

pleaaaaaaaaaaaseeeeeeeee

# ¿ Mar 2, 2011 02:51

ladyweapon: Nov 6, 2010; It reads all over his face,
like he's an Italian.

Braki posted:

As usual, your cats are very gorgeous. That statement reminds me, however, that once neutered, animals tend to put on weight. So you may want to lower his food intake a bit to make sure he doesn't get fat.

don't give spaghetti body image issues I was just going to mention the weight gain post neuter

# ¿ Mar 3, 2011 04:50

ladyweapon: Nov 6, 2010; It reads all over his face,
like he's an Italian.

flyboi posted:

Oh lord you are so gay.

quote:

First get her on a feeding schedule. Put food out at the same time(s) every day, and let the trap sit next to it. Put a sheet or towel over it so the ends are uncovered and it looks like a tunnel. Once she's showing up on schedule, withhold food for a day. Next day, put the food in the trap. Use the stinkiest canned cat food you can find, i.e. the really nasty cheap stuff.

Or, slowly move the food towards the trap. Its a bit less drastic if Crooked Booty's suggestion doesn't work. Isn't it cold there? Definitely cover the trap, make it warm. Maybe start a tiny faux fire.

# ¿ Mar 8, 2011 04:35

ladyweapon: Nov 6, 2010; It reads all over his face,
like he's an Italian.

this thread is the thread that keeps giving.

Can you just put the trap in the warm barn with the furnace where Frizz seems to enjoy going?

# ¿ Mar 8, 2011 04:55

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# ¿ May 24, 2013 07:47

ladyweapon: Nov 6, 2010; It reads all over his face,
like he's an Italian.

criscodisco posted:

"Well, he probably doesn't remember who moved in first, us or him". And I think he's right.

Y'all are so cute. You still think they care who moved in first. Good luck not smoking anymore. Sense of smell is awesome around Christmas time!

# ¿ Mar 8, 2011 06:45

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