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 Hi goons, what's happening? Yeah........ So, you're finally "grown up" and out of college. You no longer work retail or in a call center. Some of you might work in IT and a few will work in academia. Or perhaps you'll enlist in stead. For the majority of us however it's boring office jobs. 9-5, incompetent co-workers, rear end in a top hat managers, micro-managing bosses and secretaries with entitlement complexes and delusions of grandeur. We will combat procedures and processes that were grandfathered in and can never be questioned, endless meetings and conference calls, rush hour, Brenda in Accounting, Bob in HR and the constant struggle to take over the desk by the window once Steve in Purchasing either retires or kills himself. It's about time the faceless office drones got a place to vent as well! Currently, one of my main gripes is my new manager's complete lack of proofreading anything he sends out. Here's an excerpt from an email he sent to a 200+ people strong distribution list this morning: Dumbass Manager posted:
There's more, but I don't want to hurt my brain again. So, hang on to your staplers and tell us why you hate your corporate job! 
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Apr 21, 2010 12:58
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| # ? Apr 19, 2024 11:00 |
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A friend of mine was called into HR because a female coworker asked him what was in his box and heard him say "porn stuff". He had said "boring stuff".
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Apr 21, 2010 13:00
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What the hell is a TPS report and why do they need cover sheets?
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Apr 21, 2010 13:06
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DSauer posted:What the hell is a TPS report and why do they need cover sheets? Go watch Office Space, don't come back until you've watched it six times. I hate you so much right now.
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Apr 21, 2010 13:08
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DSauer posted:What the hell is a TPS report and why do they need cover sheets? You didn't get the memo?
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Apr 21, 2010 13:09
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Hughmoris posted:You didn't get the memo? I don't think he got the memo, man.
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Apr 21, 2010 13:10
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DSauer posted:What the hell is a TPS report and why do they need cover sheets? I'll go ahead and make sure you get another copy of the memo in case you didn't see it. mmmmkay (In case enough people didn't tell you already)
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Apr 21, 2010 13:10
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I think this sums it up for me, on corporate culture at least: I wish I could get a job where they just pay me money, and not have to look at it like it's my exciting career. Making people believe work is fun has got to be the most absurd irony of human history.
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Apr 21, 2010 13:12
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MelonWheels posted:Making people believe work is fun has got to be the most absurd irony of human history. What about Hawaiian shirt fridays? Those are pretty fun.
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Apr 21, 2010 13:19
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MelonWheels posted:I think this sums it up for me, on corporate culture at least: I wish I could get a job where they just pay me money, and not have to look at it like it's my exciting career. Making people believe work is fun has got to be the most absurd irony of human history. I love how so many jobs expect you to be 100% gung ho in it for the company, but they'll lay your rear end off the second it becomes profitable.
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Apr 21, 2010 13:19
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Waiting in anticipation for steaming hot tales of nailing temps in the conference room after hours. 
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Apr 21, 2010 13:23
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What's with the weird by IP links in the OP?
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Apr 21, 2010 13:25
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sanchez posted:What's with the weird by IP links in the OP? DNS snob.
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Apr 21, 2010 13:25
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The anorexic chicks who sit in operations without enough body mass to generate heat have access to the only thermostat in the office. The rest of us sweat with the heater on an 80 degree day because they can't be bothered to bring a drat jacket. Whine whine whine!
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Apr 21, 2010 13:29
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Anyone else have "How Might We" going on in their work place? You're suppose to ask the tough, critical questions like how might we process new orders faster? You then provide the answer and put it in the How Might We box. The How Might We box has been empty and collecting dust for about 7 months now. We did have one idea which we implemented. About a month after implementing the manager noticed a change in their spreadsheet numbers and asked us what was up. After explaining what we did, we got reprimanded for not using the How Might We box. 
Science fucked around with this message at 13:36 on Apr 21, 2010 |
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Apr 21, 2010 13:32
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sanchez posted:What's with the weird by IP links in the OP? Thanks to corporate guidelines, forums.somethingawful.com is blocked by the web filter here. Browsing by IP negates the filter, thus beating the system.
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Apr 21, 2010 13:38
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Anyone else eagerly anticipating Friday? I can't wait to wear jeans.
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Apr 21, 2010 13:41
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From experience- there's bad and good corporate situations. All the downsizing and political bullshit is worth it once you find a good place to dig in and make some coin. Keep plugging if you're in a bad situation, and always always have your resume out there, you never know when a wet dream of a job might come find you!
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Apr 21, 2010 13:42
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I'm not comfortable with this whole "unauthorised" "thread". Did you fill in form 47-B and have it signed by your line-manager? No? I didn't think so.  And to contribute... I work very closely with our sales-reps, travelling with them to visit customers etc. The reps have been told 'get out and see more customers'. Naturally, that means that I will be travelling a lot more, seeing more customers. I was recently told off by my boss because 'I was spending too much on travel'. 
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Apr 21, 2010 13:43
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I'm not just a mindless office drone, I'm a mindless IT Office Drone, in an office full of (mostly) terrible IT people! Ah the service desk. Bastion of the future network engineer/software developer/network security guy, etc. This being a 24/7 helpdesk, I have very few stories involving the office mates, as I just got off a multi-month (lost count) stint on the weekend day shift, also of note, that shift only had one person on it. I guess my biggest complaint of incompetent bosses, is when my last boss took over, I had already been on the shift about 5 months, so I made a request to get back onto regular days. Short of it is, he was here for about 4, maybe 6 months before he left, in that whole time I was on the weekday shift once or twice when I was covering for someone. My new boss takes over, and within 2 weeks of her being in charge, I've already got the schedule change. I don't know if it was incompetence or just office politics, but it kinda made me mad that I had to wait that whole time for something that could have been done in just a few weeks.
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Apr 21, 2010 13:47
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I have been waiting for a thread like this for years now. The most recent thing I can think of is our annual staff appreciation week. Here are the events: Monday- A conference call to hear a lecture on how to exercise effectively. Wednesday- A conference call to hear a lecture from a nutritionist titled "Nutrition 411 – What You Must Know for Good Health." Friday- An introduction to yoga presented by the most obnoxious coworker to ever exist. Think they're trying to send a message? Also, one of my supervisors has started saying "to the extent" constantly. For example "To the extent that they submit the TPS reports an hour late we will need to record it in the log" I have an endless amount of things I need to vent about that I'll probably contribute throughout the day.
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Apr 21, 2010 13:48
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ODC posted:Anyone else eagerly anticipating Friday? I can't wait to wear jeans. Until you get tackled by the new office linebacker who doesn't know it is casual day
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Apr 21, 2010 13:54
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Carlton Banks posted:Until you get tackled by the new office linebacker who doesn't know it is casual day This ain't Club Med, baby!
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Apr 21, 2010 13:56
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Baggins posted:Or perhaps you'll enlist in stead. Please tell me you noticed your own errors while bitching about people who haven't graduated college yet, thanks.
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Apr 21, 2010 13:59
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I'm temping at BB&T right now. I used to temp at a factory but I went in and re-took the aptitude test at the main staffing office, didn't do better than last time but for some reason re-taking the test magically opened me up to clerical work. On my first day there, I realized what BB&T really stood for: Big Butts & Titties. Because every woman there is a loving blob. I'm reminded of that part in "Capitalism: A Love Story" where corporations would take out life insurance policies on their employees so they could benefit from their deaths, and there's no better cash cow (LMFAO!!!!) than fat cows with breathing problems and eating disorders. But I digress. One of these cud-chewers is a foul-tempered old soul named Kathy. Kathy must have had a really, really lovely childhood because she snaps at almost everyone. The exception being, of course, the HR lady and the GM. Everyone else gets her caustic attitude, her acid tongue, and a sour puss that can make your unborn descendants limp. On my first day, everyone was friendly and outgoing and shook my hand. When I asked Kathy how she was doing, she got on my case about socializing during work hours (at 7:55am, work didn't start until 8) and how she was going to write me up for peeking at proprietary information on her monitor (which was facing out for all the office floor to see). I just gave her a look like  and backed away slowly.This went on for days. Coming back from lunch break? Oh God, I REEK of onions, I need to be moved to another desk for the rest of the day. Going to the restroom? I'm just goofing off and playing around, haha, don't give a poo poo about data entry! Doing data entry? "You're not working, you're just playing with one side of the keyboard!" (Hint: it's the right side. Where the number pad is. Numbers go into data entry forms at a bank.) After that little outburst, I peeked at her workstation while her back was turned -- and yep, she's using the numbers on the top row of the keyboard. A few days later I got moved from doing data entry to helping out with IT, basically doing easy poo poo like "running down to Rally's for some chicken wings" or "putting this Windows 7 CD in the tower that's hooked up to the projector in the conference room that no one uses". Kathy had nothing to do with me being moved, they just got a girl temp from my staffing agency and they decided that she's better suited in a room full of women instead of me, which is all well and dandy! Welp, the day came when I found myself still in the bank after 4 using compressed air on the towers in the room where I used to do data entry. By myself. I had to take a poo poo. You see where this is going, don't you? Yep. I poo poo on the edge of the toilet, carefully wrapped my semi-solid poo poo up in toilet paper, went back to Kathy's computer, and laid it out delicately in the little space between the 56k modem card and the motherboard, cradled by SATA cables. With a whisper of "Rock-a-bye, baby", I closed her tower up without bothering to spray it out. I dunno what the outcome is yet because this actually took place last Friday and I haven't been up there since, but I'm pretty sure that Kathy's being shittier than ever. 
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Apr 21, 2010 14:07
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ODC posted:Anyone else eagerly anticipating Friday? I can't wait to wear jeans. Our admin is the nicest lady in the universe, but literally every email she sends comes in at least 5 different colors, with random bold words and lots of !!!!!! to let us know how excited she is about it. It's kind of cute 
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Apr 21, 2010 14:07
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HOLY SHITBALLS! posted:Shitballs There seems to be a direct connection between your actions and username, that's for sure.
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Apr 21, 2010 14:12
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ODC posted:Anyone else eagerly anticipating Friday? I can't wait to wear jeans. Oh god, it makes me sad that Fridays are always better because of this. I work for a massive corporate company, but honestly it's not that bad. The caf in the building is pretty awesome, I get in free to a lot of expensive museums because of my ID, they pay well, and are really well connected in the industry. Downside is that if you want to get ANYTHING done, you have to go through like six departments plus legal and digital security to get it done. Plus, lovely employees who do enough to get by but not an ounce more are almost impossible to fire.
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Apr 21, 2010 14:14
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Not an Anthem posted:Please tell me you noticed your own errors while bitching about people who haven't graduated college yet, thanks. When did I bitch? I don't remember bitching...
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Apr 21, 2010 14:15
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1) Retarded money saving ideas from corporate. "Let's have everyone per floor use ONE communal printer! It will save money! We reached a deal with xerox!" Except: Personal printers are already bought. Patient records can't be sent to a communal printer because of serious privacy issues. Everyone has different printing needs. Because of this, they asked people if they wanted to opt out. Everyone did. So long, millions of dollars! 2) Aspie coworkers with "systems." These people want things done a specific way. Their jobs tend to involve very little thought. They've been here for years and they're going to die at their current job title. If any changes to their way of doing things is metioned, these people will freak the gently caress out. The conversations turn into trivial arguments, and usually end with "YOU'RE JUST LIKE MY FATHER!" or some other childhood trauma being vented. Here's an example:  Your script is taking too long! It bogs up the system! Let's see ... you have a million files in a single directory that has been piling up over five years. The system can't handle that efficiently. Either archive or delete them. A week passes. Your script is taking too long! It bogs up the system! Can't you put those files somewhere else? Any operation on that directory is going to take forever and a day. Delete or archive those files. I can't! What if someone wants them? If that's the case you're already pulling records from archive. These are intermediate files that can be regenerated when we need them. Can't you make the script run faster? You mean rewrite red hat so a copy command runs faster? Seriously, that's all I'm doing. This drive isn't meant for long term storage. A week passes. Your script is taking too long! It bogs up the system! Can't you put those files somewhere else? WTF?!?!I talk with his supervisor. More drama happens between the two of them because deleting files no one has asked for in five years is an issue. The ONLY reason you'd need them again is for a re-score, which in that case the files get regenerated automatically. Storing them makes no loving sense at all, but OMG what if someone ASKS for one? No, someone's personal space was pissed on. These are the people that will shoot up the work place one day.
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Apr 21, 2010 14:15
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Science posted:Anyone else have "How Might We" going on in their work place? Oh gently caress, you've reminded me. We have this but it's called 'Ideas Factory' there's an 'Ideas Factory form.doc' on my desktop that's been there since last year and a red box stuck on a wall in the corridor... I'm unaware of any ideas that have been sugested. Tiny Space Birds fucked around with this message at 14:20 on Apr 21, 2010 |
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Apr 21, 2010 14:16
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This short cartoon sums up my life http://www.businessinsider.com/cartoon-a-day-in-the-life-of-an-analyst-2010-4 Basically I get tasks dumped onto me that my managers (yes, plural, I have 3) don't want to do themselves, and they can't really describe to me what it is that they want me to do. I think I've finally figured out that it doesn't matter what I do as long as some bullshit is there, as incomplete or irrelevant it may be.
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Apr 21, 2010 14:16
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HOLY SHITBALLS! posted:i pooped in a computer We will require a follow up report for this incident.
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Apr 21, 2010 14:22
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MelonWheels posted:I think this sums it up for me, on corporate culture at least: I wish I could get a job where they just pay me money, and not have to look at it like it's my exciting career. Making people believe work is fun has got to be the most absurd irony of human history. This, and I abhor the co-workers that have such uninteresting lives that they use their job to define their personal lives. Everything they do revolves around how many friends they can build up at work so that their shoddy performance is overlooked.
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Apr 21, 2010 14:24
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KewlBiens posted:We will require a follow up report for this incident. Yes, ping us so we can touch base. The outcome might be vital going forward.
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Apr 21, 2010 14:24
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After years of working in EMS (seemingly a very stressful environment), I decided it was time to do something more 'grown up' for a living. I quit my job and spent all of my retirement money going to school to obtain a computer science degree. I entered corporate life working for a major computer manufacturer. I enjoyed it well enough, I started off configuring servers and for the most part, since I was of above average competence, nobody bothered me. Unfortunately, being of above average competence, I soon attracted the attention of management, who decided to bump me up the corporate ladder. I moved to a different department, where my job was to help manufacturing flow efficiently. Chasing down parts, systems, checking orders for correctness. I began to see that the sales department had no idea what they were doing. They would put together orders that were physically impossible to complete, due to hardware restrictions, etc. Of course these problems were never their fault, always someone else's (ours). The orders would have to be put on hold until resolved, or canceled altogether, much to the ire of upper management, who had even less of an idea of hardware compatibility, availability, etc than the sales people did. Slowly, my goal at work changed from 'do a good job,' to 'try to avoid being yelled at today.' The stress was unbelievable. When I pulled into the parking lot, my back and neck would tighten up, and I would feel the beginnings of the low intensity, throbbing headache that would stay with me until I left work again. Again, being of above average competence, management rewarded me with a promotion to a supervisory position in my department. Now even more people had reasons to yell at me, and I realized that middle management gets it from both sides. We were a mix of temp and full time workers. The temps, although they worked side by side with full time people, made significantly less, not to mention having no benefits. Management was always trying to drive a wedge between us, either by giving the full time folks gifts, or providing meals for only full timers. Needless to say, the temps were pissed and often intentionally screwed orders up out of spite. In any case, they were drat near impossible to manage. One of my most important duties, my TPS report, if you will, was the nightly manufacturing report. It broke down orders in different stages of manufacturing, shipping, and those that were on hold or canceled. It was mindless copy-and-pasting of information that was easily available elsewhere, and I soon began to dread it most of all. One night, out of sheer, mindless boredom, I just made up the numbers on the report, and nobody noticed. Soon that became the norm, and for the last six months I worked there, I made up every single report I sent out. I just didn't care. No one ever questioned my numbers. Finally, I understood the movie. So I decided to go back to being a paramedic. If I'm going to be poo poo on, I'd rather it be literal than figurative poo poo.
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Apr 21, 2010 14:26
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"Thank God it's Friday!!" SHUT THE gently caress UP
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Apr 21, 2010 14:27
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^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Sounds like somebody's got a case of the MON-DAY'S! I work in IT for a corporate office. Why yes, I AM looking forward to wearing jeans on Friday! The only thing that sucks is there's only 1 younger guy my age on my specific team. Thus most of my days are spent hanging out with people older than my parents. They're nice, but it kinda slowly turns you in to an old person. ...I'll forward another copy of that memo. E: VVVVVVVVVVVVVVV Looks like somebody else's got a case of the MON-DAY's! Romes fucked around with this message at 14:43 on Apr 21, 2010 |
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Apr 21, 2010 14:27
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Orgasmo posted:"Thank God it's Friday!!" I hate that more than I hate "Looks like someone has a case of the Mondays".
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Apr 21, 2010 14:28
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The thing that boggles my mind about big corporations is how really high upper management (like CEO, VP of specific departments, etc) are treated as celebrities within the company. I worked for T-Mobile for a time and the VP of customer service at the time decided to come visit our call center. She was treated like royalty to the point that when she was introduced for her speech to everyone, most people clapped. That makes absolutely no sense to me.
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Apr 21, 2010 14:33
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