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I live for this. Think I'll try one of those Southern Death Cults, too. This party's just getting started.
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May 2, 2010 03:38
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| # ¿ Apr 19, 2024 00:34 |
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 What in the gently caress have I just walked in on? Some kinda water snail and robot pig going to the mattresses? I bet ya a fuckin gold watch (don't worry, the rightful owner, he won't be needin' it any time soon) that Dreadnautilus takes the pig to school. The way I see it is like this: You put both'a them in concrete galoshes, and one of 'em's gonna stop breathing.
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May 2, 2010 06:05
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That fuckin' mosquito's almost as big as the ones we got in Jersey! And I think that snake's gonna be confused as gently caress by only seein' thirty seconds into the future or whatever. The bug's gonna drink its goddamn brains through that metal straw of his. *slides a bulging, nondescript envelope across the table* Put that on ##Blood 4 Oil. I ain't stayin' to watch the fight, though. Nah, I don't even trust cell phones not to fill my brain with tumors. I'm off to get this sack full'a pig meat turned into some fuckin' gabagool.
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May 4, 2010 01:53
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Hahaha, gently caress yeah. 2 for 2, bitches!
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May 6, 2010 01:27
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I got my money tied up in other things at the moment (what, you think this is the only game in town?) so I bet two of my best enforcers on ##Sturgeon General. They're good at killin' poo poo, stealin' poo poo... anything that doesn't require no thinkin'. I'm the brains of the operation, ya see? As a side bet, to make it a little more interesting, I bet a dime on the dog surviving.
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May 7, 2010 01:51
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All's you gutless sons'a'bitches who changed your vote from da fish to that mangy mutt better not start your cars.. or spacecraft.. any time soon if you catch my drift!
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May 8, 2010 19:55
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I been thinkin' about this long and hard, and I think I'm gonna get on the boat with ##Croctopus. Ton', ya hear what I said there? I said I was gettin' on the boat! Cause he's buildin' a boat! Hehheh. Ah, gently caress all'a'ya.
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May 9, 2010 07:24
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Whaddaya hear? Whaddaya say? My hot streak just keeps gettin hotter! Crocopus! Expect a big screen tv to be delivered to your quarters next time you return to land. Fell off the back of a truck!
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May 12, 2010 01:14
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I'm tellin' ya, I gotta get my rear end down to what's left of Vegas before I spontaneously combust. Y'know, on account'a my fuckin' hot streak I'm ridin' here. So confident am I in my skills as Fight Psychic, that I convinced my boy Salvatore to let me bet the Bing! Yeah, you heard me, fuckers. And I'm bettin the club on... ##Count Smackula Because bats are fuckin' scary. And I know scary. You spend a night with Christopher Moltisanti in a fuckin' decrepit van in the middle of the Jersey Pine Barrens in the middle of winter with a psycho Russian interior decorator tryin' ta kill ya. That's scary. And he's IRISH, for Chrissakes! You ever fought a pissed off Irish without your boys and their respective guns backing you up? I ain't, and I ain't plan on. I just feel sorry for whoever's walkin' around when a goddamn fuckin' dead dolphin in a fuckin' robot suit comes fallin' outta the sky on their head.
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May 13, 2010 06:27
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Come on Smackula, papa needs a new everything!
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May 15, 2010 01:15
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CronnySockett posted:"Oh thank loving Christ once again for continuing my lovely existence in this godforsaken pisshole of a world!"  I like this guy. He knows what the gently caress's up. Gezora, gimme a shotta something fancy, I don't give a poo poo. Something suitable for a high fuckin' roller such as myself. And where the gently caress's all the hot barmaids at? No offense, Gezora, I just don't feel right having a drink without the proper amount of T and A present.
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May 15, 2010 04:02
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If the bug-ape's lucky, it'll walk outta this thing only missing its arms and half its head. ##Barbarramundi is gonna let loose with some serious wrench violence brought on by Big Muscly Arms and Genuine Australian Pissedoffedness. You listen to your Uncle Paulie on this one, kids. One of these guys is gonna be sleepin' with the fishes. And the other's gonna be ripped da gently caress apart, sent to surgery for some tentacles or fuckin' dildos grafted onto its bloody stumps to participate in the Failure Parade.
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May 16, 2010 18:48
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Ha! Y'see? This is what happens when you bet against Paulie! Ya end up looking like an rear end in a top hat! Gezora! What goes good with gabagool? Everyone who bet on the fish is gettin' shitfaced tonight on my dime!
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May 18, 2010 03:57
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I get down here and you're all voting for a FUCKIN VEGETABLE? Jeeeeesus Christ! Give my boy Artie 30 seconds with that fuckin thing and you'll be lookin at.. well, the biggest fuckin pile of diced onion you ever saw. I thought we made this poo poo clear with our votes a few rounds ago: Zoofights is for genetically or cybernetically modified abominations of nature! I mean gently caress, if we're gonna go this way, I got a ziti in my fridge, been there about seven months, I'm pretty sure it can do basic arithmetic by now. Who wants to fight that? ##Presidential Seal is gonna put the fear of god in all'a ya's. Heh. An onion and a bunch'a shambling zombies. Sounds like an Aprile family reunion to me. Hey, ya hear what I said, Ton'?
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May 19, 2010 18:42
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Never trust Belgians! Come on you seal bastard, send that loving thing to hell where it belongs!
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May 21, 2010 03:09
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[paulie walnuts] Hey, as charmed as I am by the Korean entry, I just can't argue with the pure unadulterated gently caress You the turtle's letting off. In truth, I see a bit of myself in him. He ever lookin' for a crew to roll with, I got a spot for him. My only regret is we can't turn the grasshopper into gabagool. Or can we? ##The Snapture
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May 23, 2010 01:22
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Look at that smug gently caress with his fuckin' sunglasses and little fuckymobile. When he gets his rear end handed to him by Epilepsy personified that is ##Snake Pilgrim, let's us take him down to Satriale's in time for him to be next morning's breakfast sausages. Throw in a few peppers and eggs, trust me, you're gonna enjoy the hell outta it. Anyways, look at that fuckin' scarf on the snake. He's adorable as gently caress.
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May 25, 2010 23:45
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[paulie walnuts] Heh, I can't lose! Seriously, I'm better at pickin' Zoofights winners than I am at killin' and disposin'a motherfuckers with unfortunately big mouths. And I'm a fuckin' pro at that. It's just a shame there's nothin' left of the pig. Could'a put it on a bun with a bit'a mozzarell'. Fuckin' delicious.
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May 28, 2010 03:43
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gently caress me, I thought I voted last night! I don't like to feel like I'm climbin' on a fuckin' bandwagon, but I have to throw my vote in for ##E.M.M.A. And ya know what? gently caress the Croc's boat! That shouldn't even factor into your vote here, ya fuckin' idiots. Forget about it. For all I care, he can build a cruise ship outta yer moron skulls. All's that's important is we gotta lovely dogless cyborg fighting a giant-rear end lion with a gun in its mouth you could fit thanksgiving dinner through. And I mean a good one, like my mama used to make. Problem is, when the Ginger Retard dies, none'a us upstanding citizens are gonna be able to eat the remains. So this one's for the freaky-rear end mutants hangin' around.
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May 29, 2010 20:04
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Haha, I fuckin' called it once again. I'm a genius, I tell ya! And poo poo, while I'm here, I might as well vote on this one. Ladies, Gentlemen, Squids, and Robots, Be a genius like me and cast your vote for ##Ro-Boto Cop. It hovers. It has lasers. It has a sweet Robocop helmet where the gorilla has an old gaming device. Can't see poo poo outta buttons, can ya? No, don't be a fuckin' idiot. The ape's gonna be walkin' into walls and the dolphin'll kill him like a bitch.
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Jun 1, 2010 02:03
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Yes, me. gently caress Gorillesis. Didn't they already do this one in Zoofights I? EDIT: And if I'd been more up on my Zoofights history, I woulda noticed how loving destructive the first one was. What're the odds against the dolphin? 99 to 1? I'll bet a fuckin' dollar on him, I guess. Diet Poison fucked around with this message at 05:31 on Jun 1, 2010 |
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Jun 1, 2010 05:23
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Hooo-lee poo poo. Everybody else here see what I just saw? I got half a mind to smack some sense into both'a dem! But since my boy the gay dolphin-bot didn't lose, I'm callin' this a victory. You don't like it, take it up with the family. We'll have a sit down. But til then, if you fuckers'll excuse me, I'm gonna drink til I fall down.
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Jun 3, 2010 06:26
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Just in case I don't get back here before voting closes, I'm throwing in with ##The Long March. The onion just makes me uneasy, like it's just daring us to eat it so it can take over our brains and make us part of its unholy forces or something. So I say once TLM is done with it, we bury it in concrete.
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Jun 4, 2010 21:27
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As someone who deals with numbers as a major part of one of my less legitimate businesses, I had ta look at the odds. And would you fuckin' believe it: They're practically tied! I ain't seen a nailbiter like this in I don't know how long. So I been thinkin' about this all night, see. The fish got a speed advantage, but the bug got more agility. He can weave about like a boxer, y'know? Aggronaut, he's gonna find it hard to turn real sharp with his turbines. Defensively, they're both pretty heavily fuckin' armored. As far as firepower goes, Aggronaut looks to have better guns, but the bug can get right in there, flyin' as fuckin mosquito-fucks do, and jam his little straw-thing, by which I mean to say big fuckin sharp tube, and suck some fuckin sushi outta Aggronaut's skull cavity. Of this, I am so serious that I'm resisting the urge to make a joke about the mother of one of my fellow spectators- he knows who the gently caress he is. All I'm sayin' is don't start your spaceship yourself. Accidents can and do happen. He's down by a couple votes by my count, so I think I'm gonna even the odds just a bit more and throw in with ##DRAAAINAGE!
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Jun 7, 2010 06:36
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Fuuuuck yeah! Back in the black, baby! God bless ya, ya bloodsucking bitch! I'll have my people send her a Cadillac or a pile of bloody corpses, whatever we got kickin' around in the the garage. No hard feelings, Squid-head. I'd buy ya a drink if ya hadn't already taken liberties with half the bar already. You'll be alright in the mornin'.
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Jun 10, 2010 05:30
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gently caress ya, round 2. It's like choosing which of my children has to die. Normally, I wouldn't give the croc much of a chance against a fortress. But I ain't voting with my brain, I'm voting with my fuckin' heart. And if you gotta die, you go down swinging with all eight tentacles and screaming obscenities at the fuckin' commie yer up against. So I'm prayin' to St. John McClane for ya, ##Captain Croctopus. (I don't want him to be the next Wolfbike, and won't hesitate to vote against him, but gently caress. A fortress? gently caress you, fish, methinks you swim too close to the sun.)
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Jun 11, 2010 05:56
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Holy gently caress guys, now THAT was a fuckin' rumble! I'm proud of my boy the Captain, but god drat did the Commiefish ever put up a hell of a fight. (And jesus, everybody who worked on the art for this one should be drat proud of themselves. Cool as hell.)
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Jun 13, 2010 03:58
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Jesus, what're these two roid freaks gonna do, arm-wrestle for the title? Or maybe get in a ring, glaring at each other while some silver-haired rear end in a top hat (not me you fuckhead) yells out poo poo before they go at each other with folding chairs? Or are they gonna go all out and lube up real good and do it the Greek way - and I'm not talkin' about the wrestlin'! Ha, I kid, I kid. But seriously though, as we saw last round, while the bat's Irish, the fish-man sure has the fuckin' luck, and I do owe him for making me a very rich man. But a win like that only buys ya so many calzone before the cash runs out and you wind up back in this hellhole with yer last couple bucks hopin' to pick another winner. As all you fuckin' nerds were so quick to point out, Bane did cripple Batman but good, however this ain't yer fuckin' comic books with green-haired clowns and assholes that shoot lasers out their eyes and whatever. Point is this is real fuckin' life so get real or get the gently caress back to your basements with your porno and cheetos. As far as ol' Paulie sees it, this is a pretty fuckin' even match, but I think the power'a flight's gonna be an advantage for the bat-thing here again. Plus, being realistic, the Aussie gently caress only barely squeaked by against the ape-pion which in my opinion was a loving retard-contestant before his moron brain was replaced by one'a them nintendoo things. Plus the ERIN GO gently caress YOURSELF poster from the last page made me laugh so hard I choked on my ziti. ## Punchules the Magnificent
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Jun 14, 2010 10:04
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Heeeeey, alright! I ain't gonna throw stones about dirty fightin', what with this glass house bullshit; I got nothin' but respect for the Bat. And where I'm from, that's the real deal. So you enjoy your respect, Punchules. I'm gonna take my cash and get me a high quality broad. Or six low quality ones. I'll decide on the way!
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Jun 16, 2010 04:53
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Let nobody tell you Paulie fuckin' Walnuts isn't a patriot. But I didn't vote for no fuckin' seal. So as far as I'm fuckin' concerned: NOT MY PRESIDENT - NOT MY CONTESTANT! And you can take that to the bank. The blood bank. By which I mean The Snapture's gonna fill a few bathtubs full'a the President's blood, sell it, and use the cash to buy HOT DRUGS which will help our struggling economy. HEY SEAL, I GOT A STIMULUS PACKAGE FOR YOU! Eh, but I don't mean to get all political. Let's look at this closer, shall we. On one fuckin' hand ya got a big disgusting seal who needs a hydraulic system to keep him mobile under the weight of his own sickening bulk. Sure, he might make all'a us puke up last night's gabagool, but his opponent has a gut of steel. When you do drugs like the Snapture does, you build up a bit of a tolerance for fuckin' puking. And anyway, anything comin' out of that turtle's gut is gonna be a lot like, well, remember Alien? It's gonna eat all the way to the core of the earth. To sum up, gently caress You. ## The Snapture
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Jun 17, 2010 06:55
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Co-sine posted:Of all the awesome pictures for this bout, this is the one that slayed me. I think it's the idea that PCP comes in a red kool-aid-style pouch labelled "PCP".
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Jun 17, 2010 21:18
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Paulie's take on the situation; also, an endorsement of moisturizer.
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Jun 20, 2010 06:04
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## The Motherfucking Snapture Look, the time snake and the Snapture are gonna destroy the rest of the pathetic excuses for life who are too stupid to admit they're already dead. Then it's gonna come down to the Snake and the Snapture, at which point time manipulation is no longer an advantage because when you're on PCP, friends, time does not exist. This poo poo's going down on the astral plane, ladies and gents. Bring your shutter-shades.
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Jun 23, 2010 00:53
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Correnth posted:##The Snapture: American Cocaine Turtlechrist for a New Post-Apocalyptic Generation. I'd wear that on a t-shirt.
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Jun 24, 2010 00:10
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##Fists O'Batahan reminds me a lot like myself at his age. Full'a rage. Rage and booze. And ready to punch the living gently caress outta anyone in his way. I wanna see those knucks of his carve a loving hole through the fat seal gently caress, whose presidency is neither recognized by myself nor anyone else in my organization. Either the crazy drunk bat takes him out, or our thing will. I, uh... I ain't fuckin' ready to vote on the other one yet. I need some quality time alone to sort my feelin's out on this. What? I got fuckin' feelin's. *some time passes; tequila is consumed* Lemme tell you 'bout one'a the hardest things I ever did. There comes a time, I spoze, when, when ya gotta make some choices. Croctopus, now there was a stand up guy. Never let me down. Not like Pussy. That's what makes this even worse than that. That I gotta vote against this beautiful semireptilian bastard and throw in with ##Brutish Petroleum. An' I feel like a piece'a poo poo for doin' it. But this mosquito, you seen 'er? She's beautiful! Not like a broad, or anythin' hosed like that, nah, like a car. Like a fuckin' Cadillac that flies and also has harpoons. I mean I could tell ya, I could tell ya that the Bat is supercharged and primed to rock against that fat fuckin' tub of poo poo he makes me wanna *hurls into readily available bucket; almost falls off barstool* Puke! Ha! Just like that. Christ I hate the President. Only war HE could organize is a war against a goddamn pile of dead stinkin' fish. So that one, you don't even need me tellin' ya why the Bat's gonna get into the finals. But Croctopus, he's got heart. He's got the desire! But when it comes down to it he's like a retarded kid runnin' with scissors. Maybe some eyes get poked out but iss'a total accident, ya know? That's like Crockokopusk. Alls he's doin' is buildin' a fuckin' boat and accidentally killin' poo poo in the process whereas the mechasquito is a miracle of modern killing science. A fuckin' weapon you could take on the world with. You want that poo poo on your side, y'know? Never know who's gonna fuckin' turn on ya, and I should know. Don't even fuckin' look at me, Christ. Just don't tell Croc I gave up the dream. Diet Poison fucked around with this message at 02:33 on Jun 28, 2010 |
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Jun 28, 2010 01:32
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*pours one out for The Snapture* *pours one out for Gezora* Well gently caress me. gently caress us all.
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Jun 29, 2010 11:20
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O'Batahan, you mangy gently caress, I hope you like human females 'cause I'm deliverin' a U-Haul full to whatever cave they keepin' you in. I don't care what you do to 'em, they're already paid for. They think they're goin' to Atlantic City so, yeah. There's that. My guys're proud of ya and we're backin' ya a hundred percent. Uh, except for this drinkin' contest. Snapture's already broken enough necks in the past few weeks and there's only enough young italian-american men left to draft into our thing, y'know? Can't say I'm too disappointed with the loss of the bug. Eh, these things happen. Best bote show I ever seen, anyway. I'll drink to your victory tonight, Croctopus, but only 'cause I'm gonna drink to your demise soon enough. poo poo, there's so much going on in the background I can hardly follow it. The only thing that matters to ol' Paulie, though, is the return of our multitentacled barkeep. *tilts glass* Gods bless ya, Gezzy. (Just a sidenote, I had Dream Theater's "Constant Motion" playing as fight music, and it timed out perfectly from beginning to end. It was awesome.)
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Jul 6, 2010 07:45
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Eyy, better than I thought it'd be. My congrats to the fat guy for kickin' the rear end of the gay Riddler or whoever he is. Plus he's got stupid fuckin' hair, y'know? Now all I want is to get back to a dimension where I don't have to worry about gettin' a snakebite every time I go down to the fuckin' Bing. Nothin' kills a chub like those little goddamn fangs.
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Jul 19, 2010 08:24
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I've seen a lot'a fuckin' fights in my day. More often than not, they end up with the loser bein' rolled up in a carpet and dumped off a bridge, or the winner bein' shot in the head while he's takin' a celebratory dump. One'a the two. Anyway, that really has no bearing on the fight for which we are now voting. I'm bettin' the farm on ##Fists O'Batahan. And by farm, I mean strip club. Here's the skinny: We got two combatants here. One of 'em's got the heart of a warrior and the balls of a fuckin' drunk mick. And the fists of a fuckin' robot. And the other one has a lion for a hat and eight tentacles, all the better to be retarded with. Now look, I love Croctopus. I love him like I loved so many so-called brothers of mine that ended up being so-called rats to the so-called Feds. And I loved them until I had'ta cut 'em up into little pieces so nobody would find the bodies. And that's what's happening today. Someone's gotta win and someone's gotta die. My money's on the fighter. Get that fuckin' crown fitted for Fists' head, cause that motherfucker right there is the next KING OF BEASTS. Edit: Y'know what? Paulie ain't so great with computers, but I opened the paint thing and made a fuckin' graph of my own. Wanna see? gently caress ya, here it is. 
Diet Poison fucked around with this message at 07:29 on Aug 6, 2010 |
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Aug 6, 2010 06:28
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| # ¿ Apr 19, 2024 00:34 |
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And for once... I got no words. They shoulda sent a fuckin' poet.
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Aug 22, 2010 06:34
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