|
 Oh my. This period of history. What an appropriate time to hold this annual...event. Did you give an alligator tentacles? You gave an alligator tentacles, didn't you. This is already looking to end poorly. Again. But I shall participate regardless, if only for the small chance to steer things down a route that does not threaten large areas with destruction. Plus I am interested in seeing this alligator with tentacles. Cornwind Evil fucked around with this message at 09:23 on Jun 28, 2010 |
#
¿
May 2, 2010 03:24
|
|
|
|
| # ¿ Apr 24, 2024 19:42 |
|
|
Hmmmm, an intriguing first round. While I am initially drawn to Dreadnautilus, being as I requested tentacles and I am somewhat tempted to throw a pity vote to the cephalopod with giant warheads stuck in its mouth, remembering what it's kin have done to the world make me utilize my considerable mind. While Dreadnautilus appears to have the edge in firepower, I believe Brut-O5 has the overall advantage in all other aspects. While Dreadnautilus is designed to work, supposedly, on the land or in the water, its natural environment is the water, while Brut-O5' designed is towards on-land urban pacification. I believe that despite the quality of Dreadnautilus' anti-gravity system, the likely greater experience that Brut-O5 has in this battleground will, at least, stalemate it. The two key weaknesses I identify in Dreadnautilus is the fact that all of his weapons are attached to his front, while Brut-O5' weapons seem to be designed to swivel and render it able to fire without actually turning its body to do so. And of course, there is the fact that Dreadnautilus' need for radio communication renders it doubly vulnerable in the case of its antenna or command team being compromised. Perhaps it could battle on through sheer instinct should this occur, but the strange environment, ultimately, would likely confuse it more and give Brut-O5 the overall advantage. This could go either way, but I edge my vote towards Brut-O5. Though what does it say when the merciless weapon for repression is the better option than the tool of the freedom fighter... And I insist, when Brut-O5 wins, that it is given some of Dreadnautilus' surely-lost tentacles.
|
|
#
¿
May 2, 2010 04:43
|
|
|
The Doctor posted:
What? There are lots of points! There's coffee! There's the amusing self-parody of Adam West! There are drinking glasses that clean themselves and don't require coasters! And there's the fact that no matter how much you regret and mourn the path your life has taken, that there is always a new tomorrow to try and wipe some of it away. Maybe you've forgotten that, but don't worry. You'll remember. Mr. Crane posted:I remember something myself: I was not ever shot with a weapon like the kind this angel that does not weep carries. Time has suffered enough: let's keep how we moved on in our journeys correct, shall we? I reiterate my vote of ##BRUT-05, and I suppose I shall lay down a wager. Let's see...well, there is this fine brown overcoat of mine. It was given to me by Janis Joplin, and I believe it's time it passed to a new owner. It may bring you luck. It saw me survive many things I probably shouldn't have. Gezora posted:Ah, Gezora, so you survive the troubles of time and space well yourself. I'll have a cup of tea please. I would order something stronger but for certain...reasons I'm not exactly in the mood for alcohol. Portable Haggis posted:..........Mortimus? Is that you? Cornwind Evil fucked around with this message at 08:28 on May 3, 2010 |
|
#
¿
May 3, 2010 04:39
|
|
|
My assessment is even more on the mark with the revelation that the mollusk's handlers are complete incompetents! The pig has this in the bag! ...then again, I'm familiar enough with battle to know to never assume...but I'll do it anyway! Crush the squid Brut-O5! Or is it Brut-Os? Oh who cares, it's the name of a winner.
|
|
#
¿
May 4, 2010 00:03
|
|
|
Oh dear, this may have been a very poor tactical choice. Not only has Brut-O5 removed his cover, he's also eliminated a crippling factor for the mollusk. Move in swiftly, boar! Or you'll be a sitting duck, or pig, or cyborg, or whatever handle is most appropriate!
|
|
#
¿
May 4, 2010 00:34
|
|
|
Drat and curses. Perhaps I should have gone with the tentacles after all. Or perhaps not underestimated myself when it comes to alcohol. I shall learn from this and be more keen in my next assessment.
|
|
#
¿
May 4, 2010 01:02
|
|
|
BiggerJ posted:
Ah, how deep the scars of bitter tragedy and cruel necessity run, but I don't recall them being so deep that they cloud the ability to think as badly as it has done for you, my friend. You're so focused over Snake Preview's limited precognitive abilities that you are not noticing the other, more important factors. First of all, Blood 4 Oil is a construct of greed directed towards battle: its crude-draining proboscis and clouds of fuel-mosquitoes are designed to steal and kill helpless targets. Snake Preview is far from helpless: it is a creature that not only survived its bodily modifications but the catastrophic cellular destruction they wrought when they were turned on. You know full well the power of those who refuse to die, even when it seems like there is no escape. And while this factor alone may not be enough, the ridiculous levels of radioactive emissions coming from Snake Preview will be. What insects are not felled by the radiation in the air will be destroyed by the radiation in whatever blood Snake Preview has left, and I doubt that with its future sight the anaconda will be allowing much, if any blood loss. The true disadvantage Snake Preview has lies in its opponent's ability to fly, but I doubt an insect will know how to utilize such a gift, especially if it feels its progeny are not doing the job as well as it wishes. Once it closes in, Snake Preview will close on it, with body and fang. It will be a close match, and the snake will suffer much to earn it, but ##SNAKE PREVIEW will win. If only because it has shown it does not want to die. And somehow those types always survive. Always. Now, with that grim business out of the way, I would like to offer my ship as a safe vantage point to witness this brawl. True, it will not be as good as seeing it with your bare quivering eyeballs, but considering the environment will likely boil those eyeballs right out of your skull, I think it's better than some options. Don't worry about room. It's bigger than it looks. Though do be careful, I haven't been able to track down the swimming pool yet.
|
|
#
¿
May 4, 2010 03:59
|
|
|
Even should he be fated to lose, the snake did not shy from what was to come. If destiny foretold his end, he did not flee from it. He approached it with the goal of making it his. Even in demise, one must not forget that. There is little nobility in these events, and one must seek it where one can. Then again, I also bet on him. Come on Snake Preview! We can't have that self-hating lightweight be right now, can we?!
|
|
#
¿
May 6, 2010 00:11
|
|
|
Normally I would be commiserating my second loss, or pondering the nature of knowing time and death...but I'm too busy being grateful that I decided to watch this inside the TARDIS. We shall see what tomorrow brings. All I can say is that, for me, it will not bring a legion of itchy bites.
|
|
#
¿
May 6, 2010 01:27
|
|
|
I am torn. On one hand, I always feel the old urge to support the British, having been drawn back to its isles so many times for many reasons. And I am familiar with the nature of the beast that is the human race, as well as the ones it stepped over to reach its pinnacle. But I am also familiar with what others have said about the Russian land and those it crafts. After much debate, I have concluded that if the Neanderthal is going to be victorious, it will be in a Hong Kong Phooey style of his animal companion saving his bacon. Otherwise, though he will not be forgetting the strength and animal ferocity of his foe for some time, the victor is likely to be ##THE STURGEON GENERAL. Though I have an inkling that if there is to be an upset in this tournament, this match may be where it occurs. Also, I am afraid there was an error. Someone claimed to have done something unpleasant in my box, but considering I found no leavings of such natures and instead a wallet on the ground, I am beginning to think said person may have done it in his pants instead. I reiterate that constant intoxication is a poor state to be in. Cornwind Evil fucked around with this message at 09:14 on May 7, 2010 |
|
#
¿
May 7, 2010 09:10
|
|
|
Tendai posted:
Wager on what, Dalek? We have, by time's constant quirks, ended up selecting the same side as the victor, and every time your race has gambled against me, you have lost. If you have forgotten that, consult the free floating dust that was once Skaro. And do not attempt to bring up Antalin. I know the truth. Perhaps I have an alternative. Some of our fellows have estimated that while the Neanderthal will fall, his loyal dog will survive. We shall see if this is the case. And I shall make it difficult for you. I will wager that, regretfully, Nelson will not survive. The possibilities for this are many. Perhaps Nelson will show the loyalty that his species is known for, and die in battle besides Smash. Perhaps being the more intelligent of the pair, he will attempt to flee and offend the 'sensibilities' of the General, who will slay him. Or maybe that loyalty will lead to a sacrifice of life, that will turn the tide and cause the upset I have theorized could happen. Or perhaps the fish will deafen him with his bellows, and Nelson will, in a panic, run under the tank treads. Perhaps Smash will not show loyalty in return and throw Nelson at the General. It saddens me how many ways there is for the animal to die, but this is Zoofights. I know its ways well. So then Dalek. Show me your supposed superiority, and see if you can tell me why something that is not of your ilk will survive in battle. Against my belief, I wager my TARDIS' chameleon circuit. Oh yes, it works. I simply no longer see the need to use it. Perhaps you could find a use for it, Dalek, if you had any chance of besting me. And history does not support you there. Nor, considering you are not brightly colored, does your future. And do not concern yourself with the other fellow. He is not the Doctor. It is his destiny to understand just what that belief will bring him. I shall give him an inkling: it will not be escape.
|
|
#
¿
May 7, 2010 11:20
|
|
|
Tendai posted:
Alone, perhaps, but never unprotected. Do not attempt to dodge the issue of my suggested wager, Dalek. I've already given you an advantage in going against the beliefs of several of the voting public in regards to Nelson the Bulldog. Whether my viewpoint marks me as a fool or who I am remains to be seem. As do whether those two things are separate. Perhaps I shall make a secondary wager and against offer my Janis Joplin coat against someone else. I am afraid it's in somewhat poorer condition: I had to use it to plug a small hole in the window when the mosquitoes started getting exceptionally uppity last round. The wallet was just a tossed off line: it had no intent or 'plot', for I'm attempting to stay within the requests of Major Failure in regards to RPing: ie, try and keep it confined within the voting and debating who would win. As for the 'Not The Doctor' line, he's not accusing the other Doctor of being a fraud, but rather that his severe attempt to drown his sorrows and his out of control nihilism, presumably over the Time War and what happened at the end of it, is very much not what Eleven considers himself to be, and is attempting to prompt Eight to remember that fact, as he may or may not have remembered himself doing. Timey wimey ball and all. Anyway, as said, try and tie it into the competition, which we couldn't do this time as we both selected the same winner.
|
|
#
¿
May 7, 2010 23:03
|
|
|
Could it be? Could the neanderthal have more intelligence than most everyone, including myself, gave him credit for?
|
|
#
¿
May 9, 2010 00:28
|
|
|
Watch the dog, Sturgeon...don't let your wounded pride and head make you forget the dog...
|
|
#
¿
May 9, 2010 00:55
|
|
|
The dog, Sturgeon, you may want to go in reverse to deal with THE DOG...
|
|
#
¿
May 9, 2010 01:29
|
|
|
What a curious ending. What does Nelson have in store for the future? Also, how fortunate for me that while I wagered the dog would not survive, my opposition never took me up on my gamble, hence rendering it null and void. I grow tired (or maybe not) of repeating myself, but intoxication is a poor state to be in. And while I bet that Nelson would die, I am not sad to see he lives. If anything, perhaps I inspired other people to wager on him and tweak the quantum mechanics of these fights, hence throwing more weight behind the possibility of his survival. It's almost as if I knew what was going to happen. But that would hardly be fair... In any case, this fight was a washout, with a clearly superior opponent. I hope the next battle is more difficult to decide.
|
|
#
¿
May 9, 2010 02:15
|
|
|
BiggerJ posted:
That, in the end, never changes, but I doubt your streak will continue. Specifically, it will end here. The winner will be ##CROCTOPUS - FOR ONLY 6 BILLION RUPEES! The primary reason is simple: it has tentacles. Everything is worse with tentacles. The Daleks had tentacles after all, even if they did not think they were building boats. However, there are several strong secondary reasons that make Croctopus a surefire winner. First of all, both crocodiles and octopi are known for their surprising grace, and if the makers of Croctopus had any sense whatsoever, they'll have made sure to combine these elements and make sure they function as well on land and underwater. Secondly, this battle will be fought in an urban area like the first one, providing Croctopus with more cover and forcing the lions to tire themselves out dragging their rail cannon around to get a clear shot. If they just try and shoot through any barricades blocking their target, well, lion heads are NOT as potent ammo as bullets and missiles, even if fired at the speed of sound. Not to mention Croctopus may prove to be too small a target for heavy artillery: had the Pride been facing the Sturgeon General they may have had an easier time of it than Nelson did. As for Croctopus' insane delusion, it may work for or against it. It's utter belief that it is building a boat will likely allow it to use its array of tools to handle any lions that come to attack it personally, not to mention giving it the ability to dismantle the Prejudice rail cannon. The limited number of lions, the fact that they are used as ammunition, and the fact they have to move the cannon around, means the longer the fight goes on, the more Croctopus is favored. True, should the lions get a solid hit in, they could very well steal this one, but such a hit could prove to be yet another factor in their undoing: Crocotopus, so certain he is building a boat, may go from cheerily insane to utterly enraged when his 'boat' starts attacking him. The lions and their cannon may be annihilated without their destroyer even realizing he is winning a battle, which is the kind of demented irony this tournament so favors. I remember Wolfbike myself, I was one of his supporters. Plus, lions are only one kind of animal, while Croctopus is two, and two is more than one. Yes, this time that will be a factor. Trust me. I'm the Doctor. I wager this crystal orb I found in one of the TARDIS' corners. It makes constant screaming, chattering noises and I can't remember why I had it, and quite frankly it annoys me.
|
|
#
¿
May 9, 2010 07:18
|
|
|
I always liked Fast and the Furious. My wager is on ##VIN DIESEL
|
|
#
¿
May 10, 2010 23:09
|
|
|
Now is where the true conflict begins, between animal instinct and unflinching madness. But I suspect it will end in a boat. Go Croctopus! I think that lion on the left has an anchor you can use!
|
|
#
¿
May 12, 2010 00:07
|
|
|
My pleasure at my win is somewhat tempered by the alarming possibilities of what might motivate Crotopus now. Will he seek a bigger boat, or something else? As usual, mysteries surround these games. Now then, what is next?
|
|
#
¿
May 12, 2010 01:17
|
|
|
BiggerJ posted:
Yes...free of all romantic interest, now and forever. Keep thinking that, my friend. Keep thinking that. As for the rest...I say only this. Remember what you saw before. Before everything else. Before the war, all the deaths, all the friends and loss. Remember what you saw when it all began. THAT, despite what you think, never changes. You believe that's what you're telling me now...but I say otherwise. Since we seem to be in a lull while we wait for the next competition, I shall put down another wager. I wager this ring.  It will protect you if shocked by a taser...wait, no, it will let you hypnotize people...wait no it opens the Lock of Empyrean Glory...I know it does something special, it's been a long time since I wore it.
|
|
#
¿
May 12, 2010 08:46
|
|
|
I'm not going to vote as the Doctor this round, for a specific reason. Last year, as Zoofights IV was wrapping up, my sister tragically died before her time. As a result, Zoofights tends to remind me of her. I'll stop the E/N there and simply say she loved dolphins, and hence I vote for ##MR. RO-BOTO. Though I'd probably vote the same even if that hadn't happened: Count Smackula may have experience, but I think ultimately Mr. Ro-boto's greater range of weaponry and armor will win him the day.
|
|
#
¿
May 13, 2010 05:56
|
|
|
Hmmmm, I did spend too long tracking down that damaged positron coil, it seems I missed the last fight. The end result of which strangely saddens me for some reason. How strange. The winner here is quite obvious: ##STING KONG. People need to remember it wasn't just a pair of big muscly arms that made Wolfbike Wolfbike: it was also his inherent underdog nature and how cheerful he was being both a wolf and a bike. A country's desperate attempts to recapture their old glories is not the same, and it will not have the same result. Sting Kong, as others have said, has spent years fighting for his own survival, which is not the same as being driven to fight. I'm sure Barbarramundi will get in some good shots with his wrench, but between his drive to live and his scorpion stinger arms, Australia is going to find out that you often can't repeat history if you set out to deliberately do so. Also, you should never do ANYTHING on the cheap. This is Zoofights. Go big or go home. I wager these old canisters of Nitro-9 I found in the TARDIS. Considering all the risks of Zoofights, having some explosives at hand can always be useful.  That does remind me...wherever DID Ace get off to...
|
|
#
¿
May 16, 2010 23:49
|
|
|
Psshhaw, he'll just replace it with something deadlier after he's done turning Barbarramundi into the next course at Red Lobster!
|
|
#
¿
May 18, 2010 00:36
|
|
|
In the words of an old friend, WHAT? WHAT?!?!? Then again, in the words of another old friend, you can never be too sure what will be happening in Zoofights. That's what makes it...Fantastic. (And also terrible, horrific, dangerous, disgusting, atrocious...but I digress. Also I'm outnumbered) Enjoy your victory, as fortunate as it was, Barbarramundi. I suspect your next round will not prove so...unexpected.
|
|
#
¿
May 18, 2010 02:12
|
|
|
BiggerJ posted:
Well my good and hopefully sober man again, considering I didn't see anyone actually take that bet, I'd say you still have it on a technicality! I could also argue that all bets should be null and void, since the match was supposed to be Sting Kong vs Barbarramundi, not Sting Kong vs Barbarramundi And An Interfering Australian Audience (yes, said audience was mentioned in the fight description, but there is a difference between throwing rocks and handing out fridges). Unless you got plastered again and actually made that bet with someone I didn't see...in which case, my sympathies. Jelly Baby?
|
|
#
¿
May 18, 2010 04:11
|
|
|
Space T Rex posted:
WHY ARE YOU YELLING WHEN YOU HAVE SUCH A MAGNIFICENT MUSTACHE?! SHOULD THAT NOT PRECLUDE A NEED TO YELL??!! THOUGH I WILL ADMIT I HAVE ONLY ENCOUNTERED ONE ROBOT WITH A MUSTACHE AND THAT WAS RIGHT AFTER BREATHING- okay I'm going to stop before I go hoarse and explain why I am voting for ##PRESIDENTIAL SEAL First of all, I don't care what the Belgium people have promised. They're part of the same species that saw Seanet's, ahem, 'possibilities' laid out as clearly as possible with the destruction of Jupiter and STILL went through with it. I'd rather organize the quantum mechanics of these fights and get the possibility completely out of the way-wait no Swanmass was a loser as well that's how it became Swanmass, maybe I should vote for-NO NO NO! I AM NOT LETTING YOU CONFUSE ME! Ahem. Even such matters aside, this fight does not favor the Onion. Yes, he can animate corpses. Yes, there may be worse things lurking in the depths of those sewers. But I know the special nature and the flaws of the human race, and once the spark of life is gone from them, then it's just a puppet of meat. Maybe against something like Smash Gordon, a mass of corpses would be dangerous, but to a psychotic, 8000 pound seal, they're just blades of grass to be cut through as he charges towards the Onion. Your picture seems to assume that the seal will just stand still and let itself be swarmed. It will not. It will go barreling forth towards the Onion, and nothing will stop it that isn't made of considerably dense metal. This is even assuming that the Onion can get enough corpses to protect itself before the Seal finds it, or better yet (for it), finds something better suited for combat. Still, I believe the Seal's unrelenting violence and weight will let it cut through the first line of defense the Onion forms, and that said Onion will not have time to form a second. After all, the Seal was created to kill vermin, and the sewers down there must have exceptionally nasty vermin. The Onion was created to execute political prisoners. I doubt a lucky fridge is going to prove a shift-point in these two degrees of skill and experience. In conclusion, lightning may strike twice, but never in a row. The Seal will win, and hopefully not set the Onion onto the path FROM HELL and Elohim tread. I'd rather not spend another finale running around trying to keep everything from being consumed by entropy. Cornwind Evil fucked around with this message at 12:18 on May 19, 2010 |
|
#
¿
May 19, 2010 10:45
|
|
|
The onion is about to learn that a lack of fear is not the advantage many think it is.
|
|
#
¿
May 21, 2010 01:53
|
|
|
Oh those poor Tapogres, brought back just to get annihilated by ANOTHER species of marine mammal. I wonder who those brutes so grievously irritated in a past life.
|
|
#
¿
May 21, 2010 02:31
|
|
|
And now an appropriate victory song, composed by the Resonance Ter as thanks for the United Space Empire's, it being the descendant of the United States proper, aid in the Yimhir wars in the 120th century. WE'RE ALL LIVING IN AMERIKA, AMERIKA IS WUNDERBAR WE'RE ALL LIVING IN AMERIKA AMERIKA, AMERIKA ....or maybe not. Who's been switching around my music collection?!
|
|
#
¿
May 21, 2010 03:39
|
|
|
Always bet on the X-Factor. ##THE SNAPTURE will certainly win. Great Leap Forward has all its attributes listed among the storm of North Korean propaganda, but the Snapture is a complete mystery beyond being a giant snapping turtle hopped up on narcotics. There is no foe more ripe for destruction than one that is so certain it is indestructible, and diseased minds like the so-called Great Leader can never craft a truly effective weapon because they can never take into account the possibility of failure. Much like his namesake's caused China to collapse into terrible famine, Great Leap Forward will be undone by his creator's inability to see past his own insane ego. Also, his weapons probably won't be able to do enough damage to Snapture's shell and PCP-fueled mind, and all the bouncing around in the world won't help him as I doubt he had the weight and density to make a leaping attack work. If people thought the Presidential Seal made a mess of his opponent, you ain't seen nothing yet.
|
|
#
¿
May 23, 2010 01:24
|
|
|
The Deleter posted:
Yes, now that all the brawling and fisticuffs is over, I really must comment on that. While all is fair in love, war, and Zoofights, did you really have to stab her alligator in the head, young lady? Wouldn't a bludgeon have sufficed?
|
|
#
¿
May 23, 2010 23:47
|
|
|
mistaya posted:
I suppose I cannot fault your logic. Still, it is a reminder of the inherent tragedy of this event. I do hope this time, it will end in a simple massive battle between many-scarred warriors and not in another negative space wedgie.
|
|
#
¿
May 24, 2010 00:06
|
|
|
I suspect the Orthoptera Caelifera Gloriousleadera has made its last mistake...
|
|
#
¿
May 25, 2010 02:09
|
|
|
If that race actually drives into that battle, that battle will still have a winner. That race won't.
|
|
#
¿
May 25, 2010 02:23
|
|
|
Oh dear. Are the quantum dice about to roll another snake-eyes?
|
|
#
¿
May 25, 2010 02:45
|
|
|
I also vote for ##SNAKE PILGRIM : Hog Wild/Brut-Os had his best chance in the first round and could not get it done there, and that was against an animal armed with normal weaponry and crippled by incompetent handlers. Against something so abused by entropy as Snake Pilgrim, he doesn't have much of a chance. I am concerned, though. I think I may return to the TARDIS and consult my instruments in regards to Snake Pilgrim's existence. The last thing we need is another creature searing time with its existence, as FROM HELL threatened to do.
|
|
#
¿
May 26, 2010 07:46
|
|
|
Akumu posted:He's doing a lap around the arena border for the crowd, but is met with only boos and jeers. My lord. Bad enough that we're making these creatures fight to the death for us, but now we're making them feel bad about themselves as well. I hope you're all proud of yourselves. And before anyone comments that I voted for Snake Pilgrim myself, there is a difference between-OW WHO JUST THREW THAT BEER BOTTLE AT MY HEAD?!
|
|
#
¿
May 28, 2010 00:43
|
|
|
Ah, another round? Tracking those disembodied atoms of Hog Wild to make sure they didn't cause trouble throughout the timestream took longer than I thought. Did you know he might have caused the brain damage that resulted in the Reign of Terror, and the injury in the 402th Century's Galactic Shunt that resulted in...oh yes. The competition. Well, whatever thinking I could do has already been done for me. While Newer Labor has been improved, it had happened in a way that completely changes the former Smash Gordon's fighting style. All sorts of new toys cannot always help, especially when they've been put in the hands of a neanderthal. On the other hand, as many others have said, EMMA's re-creation has been done in a style that corrects all the previous flaws of its first entry. Provided Nelson does not return (and I suspect that is a strong possibility) or Crotopus does not interrupt the fight in a psychotic rage over its lost boat, the winner will be far and away ##E.M.M.A And for those raging over the loss of Crotopus' boat, well, it will just give him the motivation to win the next fight. Wouldn't it be amusing, in a sick cosmic sense, if this year's Wolfbike actually WON the tournament?
|
|
#
¿
May 30, 2010 00:54
|
|
|
|
| # ¿ Apr 24, 2024 19:42 |
|
|
With the question of where Nelson went after his 'first match' answered, I have another...is he still deaf from Sturgeon General? That could be a factor here...
|
|
#
¿
Jun 1, 2010 01:30
|
|