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HiddenReplaced
Apr 21, 2007

Yeah...
it's wanking time.

Soothing Vapors posted:

AR is easily my favorite new poster to this thread in several years

It's bitter sweet that I find myself agreeing with most of your posts these days.

Have you played The Wolf Among Us? You and me are Bigby or The Huntsman.

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Horseshoe theory
Mar 7, 2005

enraged_camel posted:

I have a question and I figured I'd ask here.

I'm starting a business and will be employing primarily independent contractors. I need an independent contractor agreement. I did some research and it seems like the type of thing I should NOT try to write myself. The problem is that lawyers are loving expensive. Most that I've looked at charge hundreds of dollars an hour, which is money I don't have right now.

Anyone here got experience with this sort of thing? The agreement won't be complex - I just need to cover my bases and make sure it doesn't say anything that is against California state law.

"I want to run a business where I don't have to pay FICA (and state equivalent payroll) taxes and have other benefits requirements, but I don't want to spend money to draft something that will otherwise leave me violently violated if the (federal and state) DOL, IRS or Franchise Tax Board/Employment Development Department come in, which they inevitably will at some point. So, anyone want to do it for free? Good night and God bless."

Horseshoe theory fucked around with this message at 02:31 on Oct 30, 2014

Feces Starship
Nov 11, 2008

in the great green room
goodnight moon

Soothing Vapors posted:

I handle mostly labor and employment work, and I do independent contractor agreements all the time. I'd be happy to help, assuming no preexisting conflicts.

And good news -- no need to worry about your cash shortfall. We accept credit cards. My billing rate is $275 an hour, and firm policy requires at least a ten hour retainer.

wait dawg you do l&e

dawg plz get lunch w me

HiddenReplaced
Apr 21, 2007

Yeah...
it's wanking time.

enraged_camel posted:

I have a question and I figured I'd ask here.

I'm starting a business and will be employing primarily independent contractors. I need an independent contractor agreement. I did some research and it seems like the type of thing I should NOT try to write myself. The problem is that lawyers are loving expensive. Most that I've looked at charge hundreds of dollars an hour, which is money I don't have right now.

Anyone here got experience with this sort of thing? The agreement won't be complex - I just need to cover my bases and make sure it doesn't say anything that is against California state law.

I started to respond to this with constructive advice, but I changed my mind and I'm just going to go to bed instead. Pay SV the 275 an hour. That's a pretty reasonable rate.

olylifter
Sep 13, 2007

I'm bad with money and you have an avatar!

Zarkov Cortez posted:

Boardgames?

The reason I know about that case is because of his more recent lawsuit because they didn't let his daughter into medical school and the website he made in response to a news article, which I was told he circulated via mass emails to the entire Bar.

That guy is my favorite thing to happen to the Canadian legal profession since Jamie Melnick won his case against LSUC and got his license to practice in spite of his, you know, criminal conviction for letting a 14 year old student of his blow him.

Soothing Vapors
Mar 26, 2006

Associate Justice Lena "Kegels" Dunham: An uncool thought to have: 'is that guy walking in the dark behind me a rapist? Never mind, he's Asian.

Feces Starship posted:

wait dawg you do l&e

dawg plz get lunch w me

Mostly employment lit, not whatever you nerds do with contracts and poo poo.

Also we could save some time and a few steps and you could just dislike me intensely now, without the hassle of having lunch with me

blarzgh
Apr 14, 2009

SNITCHIN' RANDY
Grimey Drawer
Mr. Olfman argues the claim may be lengthy and that he could pare it down to “an ordinary claim” of 20 pages or less, but that would do it an injustice as it is an “extraordinary claim” that will alter the course of Canada for years to come.

ActusRhesus
Sep 18, 2007

"Perhaps the fact the defendant had to be dragged out of the courtroom while declaring 'Death to you all, a Jihad on the court' may have had something to do with the revocation of his bond. That or calling the judge a bald-headed cock-sucker. Either way."

blarzgh posted:

Mr. Olfman argues the claim may be lengthy and that he could pare it down to “an ordinary claim” of 20 pages or less, but that would do it an injustice as it is an “extraordinary claim” that will alter the course of Canada for years to come.

God, I love pro se litigants. Unrelated, Ebola litigant's case has apparently been continued. Will keep posted.

Hot Dog Day #91
Jun 19, 2003

ActusRhesus posted:

God, I love pro se litigants. Unrelated, Ebola litigant's case has apparently been continued. Will keep posted.

I just withdrew from a case where, through about fifteen hours of work, we discovered the client is a conflict.

I've never felt so bad about sending someone off to be pro se (touchy feely family law case).

Just waiting on a nice, faceless state job to come through so my clients can not be people with feelings.

ActusRhesus
Sep 18, 2007

"Perhaps the fact the defendant had to be dragged out of the courtroom while declaring 'Death to you all, a Jihad on the court' may have had something to do with the revocation of his bond. That or calling the judge a bald-headed cock-sucker. Either way."
bummer :(

patentmagus
May 19, 2013

Hot Dog Day #91 posted:

I just withdrew from a case where, through about fifteen hours of work, we discovered the client is a conflict.

I've never felt so bad about sending someone off to be pro se (touchy feely family law case).

Just waiting on a nice, faceless state job to come through so my clients can not be people with feelings.

The karmic balance will now provide you with a client that you can't withdraw from.

Hot Dog Day #91
Jun 19, 2003

patentmagus posted:

The karmic balance will now provide you with a client that you can't withdraw from.

Who will be, without question, a terrible human who I will have been conned into representing by my intake staff. When I try to withdraw, they will complain to my boss and file a bar complaint.

Years later I will find out they were actually the abusive parent when their sexual assualt trial gets underway, with defleshed prosecuting of course.

woozle wuzzle
Mar 10, 2012
Seems like a natural segue into discussing jehovah's witnesses as clients...

ActusRhesus
Sep 18, 2007

"Perhaps the fact the defendant had to be dragged out of the courtroom while declaring 'Death to you all, a Jihad on the court' may have had something to do with the revocation of his bond. That or calling the judge a bald-headed cock-sucker. Either way."

woozle wuzzle posted:

Seems like a natural segue into discussing jehovah's witnesses as clients...

Fee Agreement: 200/hr plus copying expenses, and I get a letter of recommendation to be one of the 144,000.

blarzgh
Apr 14, 2009

SNITCHIN' RANDY
Grimey Drawer
I accidentally smarted off during a phone consult this morning.

Person w/Contract for Deed problems: "We are just going to put it in the good Lord's hands."

Me: "Well, Jesus doesn't have a bar license."

Hot Dog Day #91
Jun 19, 2003

blarzgh posted:

I accidentally smarted off during a phone consult this morning.

Person w/Contract for Deed problems: "We are just going to put it in the good Lord's hands."

Me: "Well, Jesus doesn't have a bar license."

Ohhh! blazrgh I sue sellers on this all the time! Contracts for deed are my favorite cause they're so easy to gently caress up and the penalties can be so high. I'm like a giddy kid when a new contract for deed written I a napkin rolls in.

My settlement is almost always "deed the house and pay my fees." Except for the one I just set as a jury trial.

Hot Dog Day #91
Jun 19, 2003

woozle wuzzle posted:

Seems like a natural segue into discussing jehovah's witnesses as clients...

Is this a thing?

blarzgh
Apr 14, 2009

SNITCHIN' RANDY
Grimey Drawer

Hot Dog Day #91 posted:

Ohhh! blazrgh I sue sellers on this all the time! Contracts for deed are my favorite cause they're so easy to gently caress up and the penalties can be so high. I'm like a giddy kid when a new contract for deed written I a napkin rolls in.

My settlement is almost always "deed the house and pay my fees." Except for the one I just set as a jury trial.

They're seriously the worst. The poo poo of it is, its always some little old lady, who was trying to sell her house to fund her retirement, and some loving deadbeat who can't get credit begs her to "work something out", then 6 years later lawyers up looking for a cash grab.

Morton v. Nguyen really changed the game, though so now "recission" means offsetting "all sums paid" by "reasonable monthly rent." Cuts damages down to nothing.

Soothing Vapors
Mar 26, 2006

Associate Justice Lena "Kegels" Dunham: An uncool thought to have: 'is that guy walking in the dark behind me a rapist? Never mind, he's Asian.
please stop talking about law in the law thread, it is very triggering

Hot Dog Day #91
Jun 19, 2003

Soothing Vapors posted:

please stop talking about law in the law thread, it is very triggering

Some of us just withdrew from cases that were blocked off for a whole day off trial prep.

ActusRhesus
Sep 18, 2007

"Perhaps the fact the defendant had to be dragged out of the courtroom while declaring 'Death to you all, a Jihad on the court' may have had something to do with the revocation of his bond. That or calling the judge a bald-headed cock-sucker. Either way."
So how much trouble would I get in if I submitted a response brief that just said

ARGUMENT

This guy is a loving rear end in a top hat.

CONCLUSION

For the foregoing reasons this Court should affirm the ruling of the habeas court.

Because that's kind of where I'm at with this.

A Game of Chess
Nov 6, 2004

not as good as Turgenev
That's pretty much how I do my first drafts of opinions. "This Court's decision should be affirmed because Appellant's argument is loving ridiculous."

A few times I have missed sentences that needed to be removed on "serious" drafts, but luckily my boss has a sense of humor about these things.

(Probably a lot of trouble.)

joat mon
Oct 15, 2009

I am the master of my lamp;
I am the captain of my tub.

ActusRhesus posted:

So how much trouble would I get in if I submitted a response brief that just said

ARGUMENT

This guy is a loving rear end in a top hat.

CONCLUSION

For the foregoing reasons this Court should affirm the ruling of the habeas court.

Because that's kind of where I'm at with this.

None, but only if you work at Code 46.
(Or some attorney general's office doing criminal appeals)

Defleshed
Nov 18, 2004

F is for... FREEDOM

Hot Dog Day #91 posted:

Who will be, without question, a terrible human who I will have been conned into representing by my intake staff. When I try to withdraw, they will complain to my boss and file a bar complaint.

Years later I will find out they were actually the abusive parent when their sexual assualt trial gets underway, with defleshed prosecuting of course.

Incoming acquittal, no worries...

Tuesday's acquittal had a happy ending of sorts as the rear end in a top hat had pled naked to a couple of minor charges prior to the trial starting. This was so the Defense could go with the tried and true "look he pled guilty to what he did but he didn't rape that trollop and furthermore here's a bunch of tenuously admissible evidence about how she sleeps around".

It kind of backfired because after sentencing proceedings yesterday the panel came back with reduction to E-1, total forfeitures, a bad conduct discharge and 90 days at Leavenworth. Which is an extremely harsh sentence for what he pled to.

I snuck a look at him as they read the sentence and his face was of one who has been absolutely owned. Pretty sweet end to my time here in the desert.

Defleshed fucked around with this message at 23:28 on Oct 30, 2014

Zarkov Cortez
Aug 18, 2007

Alas, our kitten class attack ships were no match for their mighty chairs

ActusRhesus posted:

God, I love pro se litigants.

That guy is a lawyer representing his own daughter.

Soylent Pudding
Jun 22, 2007

We've got people!


ActusRhesus posted:

So how much trouble would I get in if I submitted a response brief that just said

ARGUMENT

This guy is a loving rear end in a top hat.

CONCLUSION

For the foregoing reasons this Court should affirm the ruling of the habeas court.

Because that's kind of where I'm at with this.

http://youtu.be/g4bftQ4xxFc

woozle wuzzle
Mar 10, 2012

Hot Dog Day #91 posted:

Is this a thing?

'Tis




They suck donkey balls. Society's laws are just temporary bullshit, which is a fine sentiment. But the only thing they listen to is whatever their crooked bullshit elder says. They are chosen ones and you are a false devil. So if they actively lie to you, it's actually doing God's work. Logistically, they're forbidden from making any oaths or swearing anything that recognizes the authority of human laws.


Attorneys, hear my voice echoing through the internet: Do not, under any circumstances, take on a Jehovah's Witness client. You are subordinate to a crooked bullshit elder, and your client will actively gently caress you over.

ActusRhesus
Sep 18, 2007

"Perhaps the fact the defendant had to be dragged out of the courtroom while declaring 'Death to you all, a Jihad on the court' may have had something to do with the revocation of his bond. That or calling the judge a bald-headed cock-sucker. Either way."

joat mon posted:

None, but only if you work at Code 46.
(Or some attorney general's office doing criminal appeals)

jesus, how many loving JAGs are in here?

Saltpowered
Apr 12, 2010

Chief Executive Officer
Awful Industries, LLC
Lawyer requests withdrawal after notebook throwing incident

Really want to read the full motion and/or transcript.

joat mon
Oct 15, 2009

I am the master of my lamp;
I am the captain of my tub.

ActusRhesus posted:

jesus, how many loving JAGs are in here?

If we can find a zoomie and a coastie and we'll have the full set!

SlothBear
Jan 25, 2009

Lawlicaust posted:

Lawyer requests withdrawal after notebook throwing incident

Really want to read the full motion and/or transcript.

"The Light and Champion. Covering Shelby County like the pine straw covers the ground."

ActusRhesus
Sep 18, 2007

"Perhaps the fact the defendant had to be dragged out of the courtroom while declaring 'Death to you all, a Jihad on the court' may have had something to do with the revocation of his bond. That or calling the judge a bald-headed cock-sucker. Either way."

joat mon posted:

If we can find a zoomie and a coastie and we'll have the full set!

Yay joint goons. Btw, how's that whole "i may or may not have actually completed marine training" thing shaking out?

the milk machine
Jul 23, 2002

lick my keys
So I accepted an offer to lateral, gave notice at my current firm, then got a second offer from a better firm and decided to take that and blow off the first firm. How over is my "career"?

Defleshed
Nov 18, 2004

F is for... FREEDOM

joat mon posted:

If we can find a zoomie and a coastie and we'll have the full set!

We have a jarhead and a squid and a... what is the derogatory term for army dudes? I feel like I should know this.

joat mon
Oct 15, 2009

I am the master of my lamp;
I am the captain of my tub.
/\ /\ /\
"Joe" or "dogface" or "meh"

ActusRhesus posted:

Yay joint goons. Btw, how's that whole "i may or may not have actually completed marine training" thing shaking out?

What thing is that?
My era's thing was "I may or may not have actually passed the bar."

joat mon fucked around with this message at 03:45 on Oct 31, 2014

Soothing Vapors
Mar 26, 2006

Associate Justice Lena "Kegels" Dunham: An uncool thought to have: 'is that guy walking in the dark behind me a rapist? Never mind, he's Asian.

the milk machine posted:

So I accepted an offer to lateral, gave notice at my current firm, then got a second offer from a better firm and decided to take that and blow off the first firm. How over is my "career"?

they'd do it to you in a heartbeat

the milk machine
Jul 23, 2002

lick my keys
I keep telling myself that. I'm in a super niche area and all the partners at all three firms either went to law school together or know each other from the past thirty years and *breathes into a paper bag*

blarzgh
Apr 14, 2009

SNITCHIN' RANDY
Grimey Drawer

Lawlicaust posted:

Lawyer requests withdrawal after notebook throwing incident

Really want to read the full motion and/or transcript.

Here is some more detail: http://www.kplctv.com/story/27100018/attorney-in-shelby-co-murder-case-requests-withdrawal-after-notebook-throwing-incident

Mods, please change my name to Teenage Mutant MENSA Turtle.

blarzgh
Apr 14, 2009

SNITCHIN' RANDY
Grimey Drawer

the milk machine posted:

I keep telling myself that. I'm in a super niche area and all the partners at all three firms either went to law school together or know each other from the past thirty years and *breathes into a paper bag*

You're fine. Unless they signed 12 month lease for more office space, and hired you two paralegals, and bought you a helicopter, they won't really give a poo poo.

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Pook Good Mook
Aug 6, 2013


ENFORCE THE UNITED STATES DRESS CODE AT ALL COSTS!

This message paid for by the Men's Wearhouse& Jos A Bank Lobbying Group
Take care of yourself first, if they know each other they can laugh about it. It's not like they fired someone in order to hire you did they?

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