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jassi007
Aug 9, 2006

mmmmm.. burger...

Meow Tse-tung posted:

The metric weights where I am are possibly some of the dumbest poo poo in existence.

People easily hit bonuses and such as long as they play the numbers game. It's entirely gaming the system, and I know that the service is comparatively lovely because reps know exactly all the tricks they need to use to max out bonuses and be within policy, but provide lovely customer service in that we could do a ton more if we actually wanted to take the time to do so. Metrics are like a stupid game that are easily manipulated by any rep who understands how the mechanics of their stat systems work. I would say out of every 10 calls, There are at least 3-4 that I handle in a "pass the buck" or heavily roundabout fashion because we learned early exactly what to say to ensure that we get scored high according to metrics even at the expense of customer experience.

The most hilarious thing to me is the gymnastics people do about the callback metric. "I'll follow up with you in 3 days" or "I'm 100% confident we'll be able to do X on friday". It's usually poo poo that takes 5 minutes but they don't want the customer calling back earlier than that because it hits them negatively. The entire dance is a game of making sure that the customer is happy for exactly 72 hours, keeping them on the line for as short a time as possible, and sounding confident while cooing weasel words to make them happy enough not to give you a bad survey before they call back.

I learned FAST that actually helping the customer is a great way to have lovely stats. As soon as I stopped giving a poo poo about trying to actually help, I jumped to #1 on my team consistently. All of the top performing reps I know are the ones who treat metrics like playing a video game where the goal of which +betterer number shifts by the month.

Exactly. I don't do my job. I just play a real life RPG. The fun part is our company has little/no incentives to be #1, so now I just strive to be above the thresholds that they take action. So in that regard i get paid as much as the best person in our group but I get to do much less work. If there was actual reward for helping customers or busting my rear end for stats, or actual punishment for being a calculated slacker, I'd do better. I'm still working on getting out, but in the meantime I just enjoy working as little as possible and getting paid full rate for it.

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DariusLikewise
Oct 4, 2008

You wore that on Halloween?


Fil5000 posted:

Or they only look at the customer service scores and run the most inefficient centre in the world.

The thing is you can't really measure customer service by putting a number to it, nor can you figure out the root of a customer service issue by looking at a number and that's what way too many places try and do.

Fil5000
Jun 23, 2003

HOLD ON GUYS I'M POSTING ABOUT INTERNET ROBOTS


DariusLikewise posted:

The thing is you can't really measure customer service by putting a number to it, nor can you figure out the root of a customer service issue by looking at a number and that's what way too many places try and do.

Net promoter score isn't a bad way of measuring it but yeah, realistically you need a balanced scorecard of metrics if you really want to do it properly. Call centre stats are like squeezing a partially deflated balloon. Yeah, you can squeeze THAT bit, but this bit over here is going to expand out and you don't have enough hands to push it back in.

jassi007
Aug 9, 2006

mmmmm.. burger...

Fil5000 posted:

Net promoter score isn't a bad way of measuring it but yeah, realistically you need a balanced scorecard of metrics if you really want to do it properly. Call centre stats are like squeezing a partially deflated balloon. Yeah, you can squeeze THAT bit, but this bit over here is going to expand out and you don't have enough hands to push it back in.

Even better, at our company at least, they do call QA where someone pulls and listens to 4 calls a month at random. But a good QA score isn't really based on "did you do a good job helping the customer with whatever they called about." It is scored based off of things like "did you say the greeting properly. did you say please and thank you. did you empathize with the customer (ie say "i'm sorry to hear that") did you verify ssn/cpni if needed? did you do the closing properly. I can basically recite a greeting and closing script, hit all the verification things, and get a perfect qa score, in the middle I can say sorry don't know how to fix that, i'll research it and call you back." and never actually do anything to help users. It is insane.

Fil5000
Jun 23, 2003

HOLD ON GUYS I'M POSTING ABOUT INTERNET ROBOTS


jassi007 posted:

Even better, at our company at least, they do call QA where someone pulls and listens to 4 calls a month at random. But a good QA score isn't really based on "did you do a good job helping the customer with whatever they called about." It is scored based off of things like "did you say the greeting properly. did you say please and thank you. did you empathize with the customer (ie say "i'm sorry to hear that") did you verify ssn/cpni if needed? did you do the closing properly. I can basically recite a greeting and closing script, hit all the verification things, and get a perfect qa score, in the middle I can say sorry don't know how to fix that, i'll research it and call you back." and never actually do anything to help users. It is insane.

And that's because qa are in a constant battle with the team managers over how they should mark the calls. Qa wants to be really strict, managers want to earn bonus, everything subjective gets stripped out until all that's left is the poo poo you listed.

Meow Tse-tung
Oct 11, 2004

No one cat should have all that power


jassi007 posted:

Even better, at our company at least, they do call QA where someone pulls and listens to 4 calls a month at random. But a good QA score isn't really based on "did you do a good job helping the customer with whatever they called about." It is scored based off of things like "did you say the greeting properly. did you say please and thank you. did you empathize with the customer (ie say "i'm sorry to hear that") did you verify ssn/cpni if needed? did you do the closing properly. I can basically recite a greeting and closing script, hit all the verification things, and get a perfect qa score, in the middle I can say sorry don't know how to fix that, i'll research it and call you back." and never actually do anything to help users. It is insane.

Yep, exactly. It's almost comparable to college term papers where it's not so much the content of what you wrote, but did you follow the correct format and make sure everything checks out. Another goofy one on scores where I am is you get an instant maxed out score if the customer verbalizes they were happy or thought you did all you could. That leads to the smart people ending calls with stuff like, "Sorry you had such an awful time, I hope I was able to help out in some small way" even when telling the customer they basically have to eat poo poo, because once the customer is tricked into verbalizing something like, "I appreciate you trying" or "I know you did what you can", it makes any bad score disputable. I've had disputed calls where the customer was pissed the entirety of the call but at the end I just fished out one little phrase from them and that's all that mattered (Resulting in every pissed off caller being a game for me where I fish out an offhand phrase at the end, even though it's hella obvious they dont mean it - when prompted almost everyone responds in some way, and if you preface it by sounding like you're on their side and doing everything in your power, it'll usually be "You've been great but I hate your company" sort of thing). It truly is a test of how well you know how to game the scoring and metric systems, and that's pretty disappointing, because I know if I didn't need to do stupid roundabout nonsense like that, I could solve a lot more problems and have a lot more customers happy in the long term than I do now.

jassi007
Aug 9, 2006

mmmmm.. burger...

Meow Tse-tung posted:

Yep, exactly. It's almost comparable to college term papers where it's not so much the content of what you wrote, but did you follow the correct format and make sure everything checks out. Another goofy one on scores where I am is you get an instant maxed out score if the customer verbalizes they were happy or thought you did all you could. That leads to the smart people ending calls with stuff like, "Sorry you had such an awful time, I hope I was able to help out in some small way" even when telling the customer they basically have to eat poo poo, because once the customer is tricked into verbalizing something like, "I appreciate you trying" or "I know you did what you can", it makes any bad score disputable. I've had disputed calls where the customer was pissed the entirety of the call but at the end I just fished out one little phrase from them and that's all that mattered (Resulting in every pissed off caller being a game for me where I fish out an offhand phrase at the end, even though it's hella obvious they dont mean it - when prompted almost everyone responds in some way, and if you preface it by sounding like you're on their side and doing everything in your power, it'll usually be "You've been great but I hate your company" sort of thing). It truly is a test of how well you know how to game the scoring and metric systems, and that's pretty disappointing, because I know if I didn't need to do stupid roundabout nonsense like that, I could solve a lot more problems and have a lot more customers happy in the long term than I do now.

That is amazing. I wish we had that. I'd be nicer to people instead of reciting my required lines like an apathetic robot. I do know what you mean, if I could just talk to people and didn't have metrics, I could, well I could fix stuff. As is I have no reason to care, no motivation to help. Customers are just a series of interaction points to be navigated to a desired outcome for me. I could give a gently caress less about what they want really.

Rarity
Oct 21, 2010

PONYTAR
PONYTAR
PONYTAR


Our call centre just gave everyone a survey to gauge employee satisfaction and ask how they can improve. I don't know if our callers will feel comfortable enough to be honest or if anything they say will actually be addressed but bless them, at least they tried

Loving Life Partner
Apr 17, 2003

You want to file a WHAT!?

Have you all gotten your sarcastic "well merry christmas to you!" from an angry customer this year?

Mad Hamish
Jun 15, 2008

WILL AMOUNT TO NOTHING IN LIFE.

Working in the call centre for Canada Post I can say that yes, I've heard that a few times.

AzMiLion
Dec 29, 2010

Truck you say?



Loving Life Partner posted:

Have you all gotten your sarcastic "well merry christmas to you!" from an angry customer this year?

Yes, it's like a tradition. At least the guy wasn't threatening to murder me or something. Would've been funnier if he did(i work in a goverment callcenter, death threats here actually get followed up on). Haven't had a bomb threat yet either, those normally happen around this time of year.

Pope Guilty
Nov 6, 2006

The human animal is a beautiful and terrible creature, capable of limitless compassion and unfathomable cruelty.

I was once told that a caller hoped my mother got cancer and died, but he was under a lot of stress.

Robin Sparkles
Apr 23, 2009


Pope Guilty posted:

I was once told that a caller hoped my mother got cancer and died, but he was under a lot of stress.

I once had a lady call me a stinkyhole and tell me she hopes my children are born retarded. She also threatened to come and kill everyone I work with.
That was a great call. (I was even going to do the thing she wanted me to do. She was just nasty.)

Aerofallosov
Oct 3, 2007

It was so peaceful beneath the glittering stars.


Robin Sparkles posted:

I once had a lady call me a stinkyhole and tell me she hopes my children are born retarded. She also threatened to come and kill everyone I work with.
That was a great call. (I was even going to do the thing she wanted me to do. She was just nasty.)

Yeah, I had one lady wish I would die of AIDS on Christmas. Or the guy who wished the plane that hit the IRS building had landed on us instead.

Delorence Fickle
Feb 21, 2011


Robin Sparkles posted:

I once had a lady call me a stinkyhole and tell me she hopes my children are born retarded. She also threatened to come and kill everyone I work with.
That was a great call. (I was even going to do the thing she wanted me to do. She was just nasty.)

In a government call center, we just forward threats like that to DHS/FBI and they have no problems at all with coming to their place and arresting them on terrorism charges.

Volume
May 2, 2008


Delorence Fickle posted:

In a government call center, we just forward threats like that to DHS/FBI and they have no problems at all with coming to their place and arresting them on terrorism charges.

I don't work for the government but the company I work for is contracted by the government and god I wish we could do this.

sullat
Jan 8, 2012


Delorence Fickle posted:

In a government call center, we just forward threats like that to DHS/FBI and they have no problems at all with coming to their place and arresting them on terrorism charges.

Threatening someone after you just gave them your SSN and address is usually a bad idea.

Rarity
Oct 21, 2010

PONYTAR
PONYTAR
PONYTAR


I came in extra early at 8am to make sure all our callers get paid before New Year and found out IT was in the middle of a planned power outage.

Deadline is in 50 mins I am not happy

Chicken Doodle
May 16, 2007

This could Hertl-ittle.


I'm out. 'm loving out. Going to a part of the company that has NO DIRECT CONTACT WITH CUSTOMERS.

I don't know what I'm going to do with myself come Monday.

Chicken Doodle fucked around with this message at Jan 23, 2016 around 18:20

martyrdumb
Nov 24, 2009

pants are overrated


Chicken Doodle posted:

I'm out. 'm loving out. Going to a part of the company that has NO DIRECT CONTACT WITH CUSTOMERS.

I don't know what I'm going to do with myself come Monday.
Feels good man! I transitioned to a job with low-moderate customer contact, and 90% of that is email-based. I sometimes go 3 days at a time without getting a single phone call. Typical workplace concerns are all I worry about now. It's the best feeling ever. I was bitching about one of my coworkers being slightly annoying the other day, and thought, "what a luxury that this is the worst thing I have to deal with anymore!" I still have friends in that department and it has turned from bad to total shitshow in the space of 6 months. Fuuuuck that.

Cais
Jul 10, 2006
unicycler

We just got word that they're ripping us from the small team we had growing here and merging us with the massive sales call center. We're about to go from being treated like real people to clocking out for bathroom breaks.

They told us about halfway through the day too. I don't think many phones got answered last night.

Volume
May 2, 2008


Honestly I've had a lot of hurtful things said to me by borrowers but none of it gets to me. What gets to me is the really stupid people. Some of our paperwork is super easy. You claim you own a car? Cool that can lower your payment just write on any piece of paper "I, My name Here, own 1 vehicle" sign it, date it. and that's it. No title you have to send in, no registration, nothing. Just your signature on any piece of paper.

Lady sent us a letter saying "I am responsible for the payment and maintenance of one vehicle" So I call her up, tell her we can't use that because she needs to claim ownership. "It's not a problem miss, just re-write it on any piece of paper and be sure to claim ownership so we can keep your payments down."

"Oh well I don't actually own the car"

"Well that sucks guess your payments now went up and your previous payments no longer qualify. You have to start over."

You dumb bitch.

Colonel J
Jan 3, 2008


What a dumb bitch for... Not lying and defrauding some bank / loan shark?

GAYS FOR DAYS
Dec 22, 2005


So I recently got hired at an eye bank, and we pay a call center to reach out to the families of people who have recently passed to either inform them of their loved ones status as a registered donor, or to have their legal next-of-kin authorize the donation of ocular tissue. Those calls, while tough, are usually pretty trouble free. Part of the FDA guidelines, however, state that in order to transplant any tissue, an interview must be performed with someone who is knowledgeable about the decedent's past medical and social history. The questions are pretty similar to those asked when someone donates blood. So we end up having to ask a 65 year old woman, who's husband just died, if her husband has had sex with another man in the last 5 years, or a mother of a child who just died in a fire if her child has HIV. Also, because this is a very time sensitive industry (death to transplant often times occurs in as little as 2 to 3 days, and most surgeons won't accept tissues that are older than 7 days), it pretty much needs to be done ASAP, and sometimes they have to be called in the middle of the night.


Luckily, I don't have to make these calls, but I do have to audit them. Any case that is being pursued for transplant gets audited, and I'm basically making sure that the questions were all asked and the person performing the interview correctly documented all the responses to the questions. I've heard families that are overjoyed with the fact that their loved one can become a donor and restore sight for someone else. I've also heard people become irate ("No he didn't have sex with another man! We were married! He had cancer, he had cancer and now he's dead and you want to harvest his eyes! If he knew all this would go into this, he would have never registered to be a donor!").

Basically, I have a new found respect for call center employees now, and I make sure to never be rude to them if they call.

Mad Hamish
Jun 15, 2008

WILL AMOUNT TO NOTHING IN LIFE.

I'm about to start my last shift at my awful outsourced call centre job. So happy and yet so scared.

Too Poetic
Nov 28, 2008


Just got out of training for a new client. Time between calls is like 15-60. Kill me.

Pope Guilty
Nov 6, 2006

The human animal is a beautiful and terrible creature, capable of limitless compassion and unfathomable cruelty.

Too Poetic posted:

Just got out of training for a new client. Time between calls is like 15-60. Kill me.

I have one word for you: Gameboy.

Too Poetic
Nov 28, 2008


Pope Guilty posted:

I have one word for you: Gameboy.

No electronics allowed on the floor. Can't even have paper.

Pope Guilty
Nov 6, 2006

The human animal is a beautiful and terrible creature, capable of limitless compassion and unfathomable cruelty.

Too Poetic posted:

No electronics allowed on the floor. Can't even have paper.

Oh god. Uhh... Lots and lots of books?

Wizard of Smart
Feb 2, 2012

Dr. E/N, PhD



Pope Guilty posted:

Oh god. Uhh... Lots and lots of books?

One would think books = paper

Volume
May 2, 2008


Rubik's cube

Too Poetic
Nov 28, 2008


Volume posted:

Rubik's cube

Yeah. I solved one color..

Wizard of Smart posted:

One would think books = paper
Yep.

sullat
Jan 8, 2012


Too Poetic posted:

Just got out of training for a new client. Time between calls is like 15-60. Kill me.

Whiskey in your coffee. Weed in your vape.

cumshitter
Sep 27, 2005



Never did this while working a phone, but at a retail outlet I worked at I realized the tech team did not password lock Google because they would use it to look up solutions for fixing the computers. When I worked at a slow stand I would use Google cache to read stuff, since everythig viewed through Google was fine. Dunno if that will work for you but it's worth a shot and gently caress them for making you sit there and stare at the ceiling.

Too Poetic
Nov 28, 2008


cumshitter posted:

Never did this while working a phone, but at a retail outlet I worked at I realized the tech team did not password lock Google because they would use it to look up solutions for fixing the computers. When I worked at a slow stand I would use Google cache to read stuff, since everythig viewed through Google was fine. Dunno if that will work for you but it's worth a shot and gently caress them for making you sit there and stare at the ceiling.
Unfortunately everything other than the clients poo poo is locked down. No Google or nothing. I can't even use our scheduling program or email while I'm logged into their system to take calls.

Pope Guilty
Nov 6, 2006

The human animal is a beautiful and terrible creature, capable of limitless compassion and unfathomable cruelty.

Too Poetic posted:

Unfortunately everything other than the clients poo poo is locked down. No Google or nothing. I can't even use our scheduling program or email while I'm logged into their system to take calls.

Goddamn, do they seriously expect you to just stare at the ceiling between calls?

tumblr hype man
Jul 29, 2008
Breakfast of Champions who don't work out

Grimey Drawer

Too Poetic posted:

Unfortunately everything other than the clients poo poo is locked down. No Google or nothing. I can't even use our scheduling program or email while I'm logged into their system to take calls.

What's prison like?

Too Poetic
Nov 28, 2008


Pope Guilty posted:

Goddamn, do they seriously expect you to just stare at the ceiling between calls?

The official answer is of course to "review documents in the knowledgebase". Reality is everyone just talks when they aren't on call.

tumblr hype man posted:

What's prison like?
Smuggle me some good drugs during visiting hours please.

Too Poetic
Nov 28, 2008


I just don't understand how it makes financial sense to have me sitting on my rear end for 3 1/2 hours before I get a call.

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Fil5000
Jun 23, 2003

HOLD ON GUYS I'M POSTING ABOUT INTERNET ROBOTS


Too Poetic posted:

I just don't understand how it makes financial sense to have me sitting on my rear end for 3 1/2 hours before I get a call.

How many people you got on that line with you? Also do you know if the client has agreed a specific service level target? It might be that the penalty for failing to hit the agreed service level outweighs the cost of having you on the phone with ten percent occupancy.

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