PYF Hilarious joke to tell: what do i say next

The Something Awful Forums > Main > Post Your Favorite: Carefully Curated > PYF Hilarious joke to tell: what do i say next

trapped mouse: May 25, 2008; by Azathoth

NTT posted:

What do steaks and puns have in common?

They're both a rare medium well done!

I've always heard it like:

Why is television considered a medium?

Because it is neither rare or well done.

# ¿ May 13, 2012 04:23

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# ¿ Apr 28, 2024 23:47

trapped mouse: May 25, 2008; by Azathoth

http://www.chrisconnollyonline.com/2009/02/72-is-partial-compendium-latvian-humor.html

A small collection.

# ¿ Oct 11, 2012 05:47

trapped mouse: May 25, 2008; by Azathoth

tariq aziz posted:

well I suppose laughter is a good way to cope with bad poo poo...but why you were you having your 7th birthday in a bar?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4DFTmBrMYPw

# ¿ Nov 18, 2012 22:20

trapped mouse: May 25, 2008; by Azathoth

The first two prostitutes talk about how proud they are of their accomplishments, how they feel like a celebratory drink is in order. However, because the third prostitute made so much more than the others, it is implied that she had far more sperm in and on her body, and uses the expression "I feel like" in a far more literal sense than her colleagues, because of all the white sticky substance inside of her, which is similar to paste.

edit: gently caress

# ¿ Dec 1, 2012 21:32

trapped mouse: May 25, 2008; by Azathoth

reni89 posted:

Am I missing something or is this really not funny at all?

Probably get probated since I can't think of any good jokes myself but just wondering if I'm missing something.

At the wedding reception, the groom finds his wife cheating on him with the best man. Because of his naivet�, rather that being horrified, he finds amusement in the fact that, to his knowledge, the reason Josh is doing this is because he has been drinking so much alcohol that he is drunk enough to forget who he is, and is doing the things that the groom would do. The joke is that the groom is stupid. The joke was funny to me

# ¿ Feb 14, 2013 07:19

trapped mouse: May 25, 2008; by Azathoth

Did you hear about the jurisprudence fetishist? He got off on a technicality.

# ¿ Apr 28, 2014 19:34

trapped mouse: May 25, 2008; by Azathoth

How many men's rights activists does it take to change a lightbulb?

Well, not all of them.

# ¿ Jun 10, 2014 16:56

trapped mouse: May 25, 2008; by Azathoth

ZenMaster posted:

Please help, trying to get this one!

It's a French counting joke. Un Deux Trois Quatre Cinq. Quatre is pronounced "cat" (basically).

e: spelling

trapped mouse has a new favorite as of 04:02 on Jun 23, 2014

# ¿ Jun 21, 2014 17:54

trapped mouse: May 25, 2008; by Azathoth

plainswalker75 posted:

What's the difference between a well dressed man on a unicycle and a poorly dressed man on a bicycle?

Attire!

That joke basically only works written because I doubt anyone would get it without explanation if told verbally, but I still love it.

# ¿ Jul 11, 2014 05:49

trapped mouse: May 25, 2008; by Azathoth

cptn_dr posted:

The professor decide to teach post-colonial theory rather than 17th century poetry.

Because, after all, easier Said than Donne.

It's pronounced Si-eed, you uncultured swine :argh:

# ¿ Jul 30, 2015 13:14

trapped mouse: May 25, 2008; by Azathoth

Greggster posted:

I like to sit and try and make puns from time to time, so here's my contribution to a great thread.

The river saw some humans, and thought "Well, I'll be dammed"

I like this, it's cute.

# ¿ Dec 15, 2015 21:39

trapped mouse: May 25, 2008; by Azathoth

Whybird posted:

Same church. Same confessional. Different old man. He sits down, the priest slides open the window, and asks him to begin.

"Father," he says, "I have sinned. It was my sixtieth birthday last night. I was celebrating quietly in the pub with my friends, when suddenly a hen party came in. They pretty much took over the whole place, and were laughing away. I don't know whether they were drunk or on a dare or what, but they started flirting with some of us old codgers. Well, I used to be quite charming in my younger days, and looking back at sixty years of my life, I figured: why the hell not? So I started laying it on thick, and I couldn't believe it. This gorgeous blonde -- she couldn't have been a day over twenty-five -- admitted that she'd always been a little curious about what it would be like to go with an older man. And then her friend -- a redhead, too -- said that she wanted to know too. Before I knew it, we were on our way back to their hotel room. I don't know what got into me. I've been happily married for thirty years, and I spent the whole of last night screwing the brains out of two younger women as if I was a lad again."

There is a sharp intake of breath from behind the screen. "My son, you have betrayed a sacred trust. Marriage is a bond between man and woman. You must seek your penance with God immediately, and end your marriage immediately."

"Says who?" says the old man.

The priest splutters. "Says who? Says who? I say so, wicked sinner. As a representative of God on this earth -- "

"Why should I do anything you tell me to? I'm a Protestant."

The priest is dumbfounded at this. "If you're not Catholic, then why have you come to Confession to tell me this?"

"Well, I'm telling everybody."

I know this is incredibly pedantic, but a Catholic priest would probably never tell anyone to get a divorce. I always told this joke as after the old man gets through his story, the priest tells him to slow down, and asks him when his last confession was. Also, in my version, the guy was always Jewish, but Protestant works great for the joke as well.

:goonsay:

# ¿ Mar 1, 2016 00:56

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# ¿ Apr 28, 2024 23:47

trapped mouse: May 25, 2008; by Azathoth

I'm doing an event to raise awareness for people who can't have orgasms. If you can't come let me know.

# ¿ May 24, 2016 21:50

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