|
Two guys are sharing drinks at a bar on the top of a skyscraper. One guy turns to the other and says "You know last week I discovered that if you jump from the top of this building, by the time you fall to the 10th floor, the winds around the building are so intense that they actually lift you up and you won't die?" The second guy says "Bullshit. There's no way that could ever happen." They argue back and forth for a while and the first guy eventually gets frustrated and yells "Fine, I'll prove it!" and runs off, jumps off the balcony, and starts to plummet while the second guy starts freaking out. As he watches in horror, the first guy drops like a rock past the 50th story, but as he nears the 20th, it looks like he starts to slow down, getting slower and slower until eventually he comes to an almost dead stop in mid-air, catches onto a ledge on the 10th floor, and climbs in a window. When he eventually comes out of the elevator back on the roof, the second man is amazed and can't stop gushing about it before eventually calming back down "Holy poo poo, what a miracle!" The first guy says "It's not a miracle, it's science. Here, I'll do it again" and runs off the side again before anyone can stop him. He drops just like the first time, this time only managing to make it in on the 8th floor. Upon taking the elevator to the top again, he starts badgering his drinking partner to try it, until eventually the second man caves and says "Well what the hell, it clearly works, I'll try it." He jumps over the balcony, drops like a rock, and eventually, around the 10th floor... keeps falling and hits the sidewalk with a 'splat.' Back on the roof the bartender turns to the first guy: "You know, Superman, you're a real rear end in a top hat when you're drunk."
|
| # ¿ Mar 19, 2012 20:02 |
|
|
|
| # ¿ May 20, 2013 15:56 |
|
|
Mr. Bear and Mr. Rabbit were in the woods and stumbled across a magic lamp. Upon rubbing it, a genie came out and said, "I'll grant you 3 wishes each." Mr. Rabbit sat thinking for a minute while Mr. Bear blurted out, "I wish all the bears in this forest were female." "Done," the genie said. After seemingly coming to a conclusion, Mr. Rabbit says, "I wish I had a motorcycle helmet", and poof, a motorcycle helmet just pops onto his head. So next, the bear wished, "I wish all the bears in all the surrounding forests were female!" Mr. Rabbit wished for a motorcycle, and poof, it appeared right in front of him, and he got on and started revving the engine. Mr. Bear stared at the rabbit, confused as to why he wasted his first two wishes. But he quickly put the thought out of his head and used his third wish, "I wish all the bears in the world were female!" and the genie said "Done." Quite satisfied, Mr. Bear turned to Mr. Rabbit and wondered aloud what crap he'd waste his third wish on. So Mr. Rabbit thought for a minute, revved up his chopper, and yelled, "I wish Mr. Bear was gay!" as he rode away. Eh, the joke's not that funny anymore, but I thought it was the funniest drat thing in the world back at 14 or so.
|
| # ¿ May 24, 2012 15:30 |
|
|
Grandito posted:I've heard a similar one. Yet another variation on the whale joke: By the way, it should be noted that these jokes should be performed in public so you embarrass everyone around you. ANYWAY... Two whales swim into a bar. The bartender asks for their orders, and the first whale says [loud obnoxious whale noises for a minute]. So the bartender's really confused, so he turns to the other whale and asks, "Hey, what did he just say?" and the other whale says [at this point you should take a deep breath like you're gonna start making whale noises again] "Beats the poo poo outta me."
|
| # ¿ Jul 25, 2012 23:39 |
|
|
edit: poo poo, posted the same joke as earlier in the thread 
|
| # ¿ Jan 11, 2013 05:16 |
|
