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I work at a bottleshop in Australia. Probably my biggest gripe is the people who come in and ask for "freebies", i.e the promotional crap that we are given from liquor companies. It irks me because these things are a complete and total waste of resources, and they seem to appeal to people who are also a complete and total waste of resources. After a particularly trying interaction I wrote some fiction, which I shall share presently. Some of the lingo will be alien to you, please roll with it. "Got any freebies?" The attendant reaches under the counter and pulls out 3 shurikens, expertly held between his fingers. He throws the shurikens with deadly accuracy, striking the first bogan in the heart he has tattooed on his neck. It is as deadly as if the shuriken had hit his real, actual heart: blood sprays out in a huge fountain of cabernet merlot. The second bogans eyes widen in suprise, as the half smoked rollie falls out of his mouth it is sliced in two by the second projectile. The shuriken continues to slice through most of the bogans lower jaw, burying itself in his spinal column. He shits his pants, but not because he is drunk. It is because a shuriken has severed his dorsal nerve. The third bogan has time enough to turn and run, but years of alcohol and solvent abuse has dulled his reflexes. He simply stands, mouth agape, as the third ninja star passes by his face, removing his considerable rats tail. It is the motivation he needs to begin his escape. He turns, and runs for the door. Unfortunately, the relentless grind of te retail industry has worn away any traces of humanity in the attendant. As the bogan reaches the door he feels the familiar touch of his rat's tail around his neck. It begins to tighten, choking off his air supply like a baccy bong. With his last breath, he asks: "Why?" The attendant replies: "Because I have lost my mind." THE END Just to be clear: I'm not a crazy person. But this job just chips away at me a little bit everyday. Schneider Inside Her fucked around with this message at 09:28 on Sep 11, 2015 |
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Sep 11, 2015 09:07
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| # ¿ Apr 28, 2024 11:58 |
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I hate it when I have locked the front door to count the till and some jabroni comes up and taps on the glass "are you guys open?" I dunno man, the door's locked, the roller door is halfway down and all the outside lights are off. Or they'll say that they only want "one beer", as if the amount of trouble I'd have to go to is somehow less. If you ever rock up to a just closed bottlo and need alcohol, here's a lifehack: simply slide a $50 note underneath the door and tell the attendant what you want. They will sort you out. You won't recieve change.
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Sep 18, 2015 08:07
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Man, people who come in right before close are the absolute worst. Sometimes they'll rush up while i'm locking on the door. If I am feeling gracious I'll let them in, but I always say something like "Just letting you know: I'm no longer getting paid to be here so you're only able to purchase alcohol by virtue of me being a good bloke. You've got two minutes." That normally works. Sometimes they'll come up and tap on the locked door. "You guys open?" "Nah, not anymore. That's why all the outside lights are off, the roller door is halfway closed and the door is locked. The reason I did all those things is because we are closed."
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Oct 14, 2015 06:43
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Retail has shown me that 0.0000001% of the human race actually progresses things, and do so in spite of the screaming lampreys that cling to them, grubby little fists pawing and reaching for what they think they deserve. If I am walking across the parking lot to the grocery store and i pass a shopping trolley, I will just take that trolley back to the store. It seems like for some people anything beyond existing is an unbearable trial.
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Dec 4, 2015 09:11
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You should have to do 2 years service in retail when you finish school
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Dec 4, 2015 09:14
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I'm at the bottlo right now. Boss is at a family thing. It's so quiet and peaceful. No one has come in really. 20 minutes to go. What a lovely day.
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Dec 26, 2015 13:13
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Today at work I had an idea for a screenplay that I'd like to run by you guys. It's about this guy who works at a bottleshop and sometimes when he comes into contact with the customer (like when handing back their change or whatever) he experiences a vision of some sort of fatal accident that is going to befall them. The twist is however is that instead of trying to alter the timeline and save them he does nothing about it because their lives are garbage.
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Mar 8, 2016 07:46
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White people
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Apr 3, 2016 08:17
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PCOS Bill posted:Nowhere near as much as the excessively taxed rest of the world loses. Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
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Apr 20, 2016 03:51
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The problem with bad or dodgy customers is that you can only hate them in the moment. It makes sense to hate or dislike someone rude, someone who makes your job harder or someone who is just so cooked on drugs and alcohol that they can't function in society. The problem is that when you are home, you will think of them, hunched over their 2 minute noodles, drinking from a cask of terrible wine, surrounded by charlatans, conmen and fools. You will think of the finite quality of life and how theirs is just choked down and pissed against the wall. It is not the hate that is the problem: hate will keep you upright. It is empathy that will destroy you. This post brought to you by seven days straight at the bottleshop.
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Aug 2, 2016 05:42
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Jesus christ
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Aug 4, 2016 04:15
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I cleaned footprints of poo poo off the entry to the store today. Was it human poo poo? Probably! To be fair it was outside the store, and there was no blood
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Aug 5, 2016 07:54
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sweeperbravo posted:I would get so disproportionately, unreasonably irritated when customers used to ask about our Valentimes Day cards. I don't think it is unreasonable for this to annoy you
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Aug 10, 2016 00:57
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Picnic Princess posted:I still can't believe the US is so far behind in debit and credit card technology. We were dealing with chip card crap 5 years ago. This year, it's all about the tap. Everyone loving sucks at it. They hit their card too quickly, or in the wrong spot, or violently slap it multiple times, or wave it around like they're preforming a magic spell. And then it fails and they're forced to use the chip, and that's somehow our machine's fault. Just gently hold your card on the wifi symbol for one full second! That's all it takes! It is completely insane! "Hmmmm, do you guys not have Paypass?" "Nah we do, just don't hold your card 10cm above the EFTPOS machine" Or the old "press it against the machine so hard that the card itself bends" It's the easiest possible way to pay for goods and services and people still manage to gently caress it up.
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Aug 10, 2016 06:28
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Some very suprised thief is going to get a mouthful of gin
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Aug 29, 2016 03:04
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Faerunner posted:I'd take a pay cut to stand around alone for 6 hours. It gets progressively more difficult
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Sep 3, 2016 10:48
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When I was doing nightfill the only skill i brought to it was the ability to work out the exact speed to work to maximise hours while still appearing to be working hard e: oh and working with racists
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Sep 8, 2016 09:31
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You guys need to set up something like Secret Shopper but for employees. Get a ringer to come in, dress em in a uniform and have em on the floor for when stuff like that happens, and they can call out childish bullshit behaviour. "Don't just throw the jalapenos on the floor. What kind of behaviour is that? You're garbage."
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Sep 23, 2016 07:01
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I get a fair bit of leeway as I work in a bottle shop in Australia for an extremely relaxed boss, but the worst customers in my experience are the ones that will use the fact that you can't leave the store to corner you in conversation, completely oblivious to your social cues and that their pathetic lives are bringing you down.
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Sep 23, 2016 07:39
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Absolutely no difference
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Sep 25, 2016 04:14
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What drives customers to do buttstuff in stores
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Sep 28, 2016 06:27
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You laugh but in Australia we have self service checkouts meaning plently of people are out of a job. Not only that but in one of our states they're setting up plainclothes police to catch people stealing from them by like, scanning avocadoes as onions. It's completely unbelievable that taxpayer money is being used to protect the profits of a multinational that is only in this situation because they put profit margins over employing people.
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Oct 17, 2016 02:03
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It's crazy hey. Probably the only situation i'd be keen on using the self service checkout is if i was getting a choc chill or something. I reckon once i'm over like 3 items I'm gonna lose time trying to do it myself
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Oct 17, 2016 03:08
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The Lord Bude posted:I don't approve of self serve checkouts, but I approve 100% of undercover police giving thieves what they deserve. My store doesn't have self serve yet and we still lose shitloads of money to thieves, so while self serves might make it easier for people to steal it's still a massive problem regardless. My shopping centre doesn't even have security after 6pm. In my opinion loss prevention should be the responsibility of the establishment in question. I'm not super keen on police resources being deployed to purely protect profits, especially when the establishment in question had gross revenue of over 38 billion dollars
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Oct 17, 2016 04:17
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Hey do you have any Brown Bros. wine? The type I'm looking for starts with a Z. Uh... zinfandel? *Shows bottle* Oh, I mean that the winery starts with a Z. Do you have any wines like that?
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Oct 19, 2016 04:01
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It's almost as if capitalism sucks
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Oct 19, 2016 15:36
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In Trial By Combat the dude in the plate armour usually wins
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Oct 29, 2016 10:15
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Just had one of my coworkers send me a message saying he's asked the boss to make it so he never has to work after me because he's sick of picking up after me. What he fails to understand is that his name is used to refer to the store being in extremely poo poo condition. The rest of us just became accustomed to dealing with his poo poo. He'd sent me a bunch of passive aggressive texts and poo poo leading up to this but i just ignored them because i a) don't care and b) do not work for him. I'm beyond ropeable that someone could lack self-awareness to this level.
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Nov 1, 2016 10:47
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D34THROW posted:I used to get poo poo for not coming in on my day off at Safeway all the time. I get one loving day off a week, you think the overtime is worth a 7-day workweek? gently caress you. Always funny when they do this because they don't realise they're condemning you to like 13 days of work in a row
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Nov 2, 2016 14:38
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I carded this woman who i thought for sure was around 21-22, but wanted to be safe. She said "i guarantee i'm older than you". I said"huge call, i'm bald and have a beard." Turns out she was 35. Could not believe it
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Feb 2, 2017 06:26
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Probably the main reason i no longer desire to work in retail is I'm sick of getting ripped off. Did 6.5 hours on Australia Day and didn't recieve any penalty rates for it. I sent em an email querying it on wednesday but haven't recieved one back, which i've taken to mean they don't intend to pay it and don't want to generate a paper trail. It would be cool to have a job where your labour isn't exploited at every possible moment. Unfortunately, I haven't had a job like that yet.
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Feb 3, 2017 23:14
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As soon as it hits 8:30 i've stopped getting paid. So you'd better be real fuckin friendly if I'm going to do literally anything for you.
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May 24, 2017 17:42
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My trick is that i just murder people who come in first thing and ask to get a hundred changed. Works every time
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Jun 2, 2017 03:13
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The Lord Bude posted:We have a man in nightfill who eats a whole box (about 30 or so) of cheapie brand chicken nuggets for dinner every single night (nothing else). He's been doing this for nearly 10 years now that he's been working here. Every night at 7pm, he sticks them in the microwave to cook which takes a good 30 mins or more, then continue working while they cook, and has his break when they've cooked. So nobody else can use the microwave for over half an hour and he isn't even on his break. What a piece of poo poo
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Jun 4, 2017 03:46
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Haha what a dickhead
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Jun 7, 2017 16:13
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EugeneJ posted:::Lady buys beer:: In my opinion as a bottleshop attendant if you leave the store you're done. If I know the customer I'll probably replace it but if you're a rando, go gently caress yourself.
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Jun 15, 2017 09:53
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Sell that hair
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Jun 29, 2017 16:25
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| # ¿ Apr 28, 2024 11:58 |
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The only thing you should do with a plastic bag is tape it shut around your neck. They're unbelievably wasteful for the amount of convenience they generate.
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Jul 16, 2017 02:47
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