Sports Journalism Tumblr: A Black self-insert character called Jabaal Abdul-Simmons

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Sports Argument Stadium > Sports Journalism Tumblr: A Black self-insert character called Jabaal Abdul-Simmons

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Spoeank: Jul 16, 2003; That's a nice set of 11 dynasty points there, it would be a shame if 3 rings were to happen with it

Damon Bruce ranted and raved this morning about how Carlos Beltran "wasn't brought on this team to slap singles" and is a travesty because "he only has 4 RBI."

The Giants aggregate OPS around him is like .050. Goddammit, sports radio. Why must I have no other choice when I'm in my company car

# ¿ Aug 31, 2011 07:54

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# ¿ Apr 29, 2024 17:30

Spoeank: Jul 16, 2003; That's a nice set of 11 dynasty points there, it would be a shame if 3 rings were to happen with it

Lazy like a Fox posted:

KNBR is the drizzling shits when Fitz and Brooks aren't on. I've been trying to listen to the new FM station, but they're no better, especially now that the Giants are struggling.

Fitz & Brooks >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Razor & Mr T > Murph & Mac > Eric Byrnes >>>>>>>>>>>>> Gary Radnich & "D Bruce"

Incidentally I like the "fill in" guys that usually do other things, like Ray Woodson or Ted Robinson. I love me some Fitz & Brooks :allears:

# ¿ Sep 2, 2011 04:12

Spoeank: Jul 16, 2003; That's a nice set of 11 dynasty points there, it would be a shame if 3 rings were to happen with it

BasicFunk posted:

And by being nearly impossible to argue with, that means the argument can go on forever without actually saying anything or doing any research. Being an ESPN talking head has to be a cake job.

Yeah, all they have to do is watch a few minutes and develop a quick opinion (not necessarily in that order).

# ¿ Jun 25, 2012 01:11

Spoeank: Jul 16, 2003; That's a nice set of 11 dynasty points there, it would be a shame if 3 rings were to happen with it

Heyman got in a fight with Pat the Bat? Pussy is jealous.

# ¿ Oct 29, 2012 00:41

Spoeank: Jul 16, 2003; That's a nice set of 11 dynasty points there, it would be a shame if 3 rings were to happen with it

Here's a nice a bloo bloo QBs need to be good ol' boys piece about Kaepernick because he has... tattoos!!!

http://aol.sportingnews.com/nfl/story/2012-11-28/colin-kaepernick-tattoos-49ers-qb-start-alex-smith-stats-contract-draft

Edit: apparently Benne posted this in NFL Week 14 N/V. Didnt check that thread first.

Spoeank fucked around with this message at 03:56 on Nov 30, 2012

# ¿ Nov 30, 2012 02:38

Spoeank: Jul 16, 2003; That's a nice set of 11 dynasty points there, it would be a shame if 3 rings were to happen with it

Update on the Colin Kaepernick article: per Matt Barrows, 49ers beat writer, Alex Smith, who was replaced by Kaepernick, has at least one tattoo. That takes it to another level

Also, Gregg Rosenthal wrote a pretty good follow up to it, wherein he quotes Ma and Pa Kaepernick.

http://www.nfl.com/news/story/0ap1000000103126/article/colin-kaepernicks-parents-dismiss-tattoo-criticism

Spoeank fucked around with this message at 04:26 on Dec 1, 2012

# ¿ Dec 1, 2012 04:19

Spoeank: Jul 16, 2003; That's a nice set of 11 dynasty points there, it would be a shame if 3 rings were to happen with it

Bob Shabazz posted:

When you live on not-a-coast and good clams aren't easy to get, people get weird impressions about it.

Except it's in every grocery store between the chicken noodle and the Dirty Moore beef stew.

...Isn't it?

# ¿ Dec 27, 2012 08:56

Spoeank: Jul 16, 2003; That's a nice set of 11 dynasty points there, it would be a shame if 3 rings were to happen with it

Does podcast stuff count here? Because Baseball Today with Eric Karabell and (usually) Keith Law is over. It was really good, and they were really great at addressing advanced stats and they had a lot of insight.

It was replaced with Buster Olney and the Baseball Tonight Podcast. The first one featured him talking about his childhood and a like 5 minute story about how Deion Sanders called him a loser once.

loving A. What a difference.

# ¿ Feb 14, 2013 05:28

Spoeank: Jul 16, 2003; That's a nice set of 11 dynasty points there, it would be a shame if 3 rings were to happen with it

Simmons is okay but his Big Book of Basketball was unreadable. I had to put it down because he was just sucking off the Celtics the entire book.

# ¿ Feb 23, 2013 03:50

Spoeank: Jul 16, 2003; That's a nice set of 11 dynasty points there, it would be a shame if 3 rings were to happen with it

Nothing beats a good hoodwinking.

# ¿ Mar 23, 2013 03:20

Spoeank: Jul 16, 2003; That's a nice set of 11 dynasty points there, it would be a shame if 3 rings were to happen with it

I'm on board with nerds heh if it means the Giants winning the World Series all the time.

Also holy poo poo I can't believe this guy collects paychecks for farting this out onto a webpage. He literally uses the term computer nerd and acts like Billy Beane throws a poo poo fit if some weak slap hitter hits a home run.

# ¿ Apr 7, 2013 03:21

Spoeank: Jul 16, 2003; That's a nice set of 11 dynasty points there, it would be a shame if 3 rings were to happen with it

If you don't like 12 year olds cracking dingers and obvious 15-16 year olds pitching to them then I don't know what to say. Also the crying after a loss.

# ¿ Apr 29, 2013 07:30

Spoeank: Jul 16, 2003; That's a nice set of 11 dynasty points there, it would be a shame if 3 rings were to happen with it

Jesus Christ Tim Brando

"Sure some guy broke a major sports barrier but how can I make this about my struggle as Just Some Guy..."

# ¿ Apr 30, 2013 04:36

Spoeank: Jul 16, 2003; That's a nice set of 11 dynasty points there, it would be a shame if 3 rings were to happen with it

Benne posted:

Replace "Pittsburgh" with "Seattle" and "Mark Madden" with "everybody on KJR" and you have my predicament.

If there was one thing I learned about the Kings/Sonics debacle it's that if I ever go to Seattle I know which station to not listen to. Holy poo poo KJR is full of trash and morons.

# ¿ May 30, 2013 01:08

Spoeank: Jul 16, 2003; That's a nice set of 11 dynasty points there, it would be a shame if 3 rings were to happen with it

Hey guys the single season home run record holder is Carlos Zambrano because I choose to not recognize any other seasons by any other batters except when Carlos Zambrano was cracking dingers. Zambrano with 6!

What a loving hack.

As an aside, in looking into the number, I found out that Zambrano hit two home runs off of Kyle Lohse. Come on, Kyle Lohse, get your poo poo together.

# ¿ Jul 8, 2013 23:58

Spoeank: Jul 16, 2003; That's a nice set of 11 dynasty points there, it would be a shame if 3 rings were to happen with it

Kalli posted:

Some folks over at Deadspin take a look at what Sportscenter covered last year:

http://deadspin.com/what-i-learned-...dium=socialflow

My honest takeaway was "who cares? Who watches SportsCenter?"

# ¿ Jul 27, 2013 05:49

Spoeank: Jul 16, 2003; That's a nice set of 11 dynasty points there, it would be a shame if 3 rings were to happen with it

"Both teams played hard," is probably the best post game ever.

# ¿ Jul 28, 2013 02:56

Spoeank: Jul 16, 2003; That's a nice set of 11 dynasty points there, it would be a shame if 3 rings were to happen with it

I'm gonna get on my soapbox here and say America, as a whole, is not going to ever like hockey, the same as soccer. There isn't the gratification of constant scoring like there is in basketball, which is the closest allegory for the back-and-forth of those sports. If you compare them to other relatively low-scoring sports like football and baseball, there is no tension and release. It's a lot of back-and-forth without a lot happening, and when compared to the go-to sports in the USA, I don't see hockey and soccer catching on in a massive way.

I don't know why I decided this is the best spot for this soapbox, but there you go.

# ¿ Jul 29, 2013 05:47

Spoeank: Jul 16, 2003; That's a nice set of 11 dynasty points there, it would be a shame if 3 rings were to happen with it

uublog posted:

Link?!?

Panini America is doing it.

http://paniniamerica.wordpress.com/2013/07/24/panini-america-offers-extended-first-look-at-2013-hometown-heroes-baseball/

# ¿ Jul 31, 2013 23:57

Spoeank: Jul 16, 2003; That's a nice set of 11 dynasty points there, it would be a shame if 3 rings were to happen with it

sba posted:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d6OklMbxkw8

Olbermann/Prisco

Olbermann ripped him apart and barely referenced Prisco directly. Jesus Christ. Most of the time he just refers to Prisco as "the columnist," or "the author," too. Incredibly done.

# ¿ Aug 31, 2013 19:52

Spoeank: Jul 16, 2003; That's a nice set of 11 dynasty points there, it would be a shame if 3 rings were to happen with it

Thaddius the Large posted:

He's not really a pimp, more an advertiser to attract johns. A barker maybe?

Those guys on the Vegas strip who hand out the little cards.

# ¿ Sep 21, 2013 05:01

Spoeank: Jul 16, 2003; That's a nice set of 11 dynasty points there, it would be a shame if 3 rings were to happen with it

morestuff posted:

This isn't really journalism, but I loved this letter to the editor:

http://www.sfgate.com/opinion/letterstoeditor/article/Letters-to-the-editor-Sept-17-4819523.php

Someone followed it up:

quote:

I couldn�t agree more with �Unsportsmanlike conduct in Seattle� (Letters, Sept. 17).

It wasn�t a game of skill anymore; it was an exhibition of excessive stadium noise, posturing obscenities in your opponent�s face to draw a foul and street-punk behavior to fire up tensions to gain any advantage to get the win.

I hope the NFL will listen before the fans go deaf. Please stop the excessive stadium noise, and just play football.

Ellen Gust, Palo Alto

It's so retarded and these are the type of people who have more time than sense.

# ¿ Sep 21, 2013 20:32

Spoeank: Jul 16, 2003; That's a nice set of 11 dynasty points there, it would be a shame if 3 rings were to happen with it

Point Reyes Station is all old white people. The Palo Alto one may have been in jest, but I can assure you Point Reyes Station is devoid of the wit necessary to write that in jest.

# ¿ Sep 21, 2013 21:04

Spoeank: Jul 16, 2003; That's a nice set of 11 dynasty points there, it would be a shame if 3 rings were to happen with it

Those nerds need to suck it, seriously.

David Price rules.

# ¿ Oct 8, 2013 05:33

Spoeank: Jul 16, 2003; That's a nice set of 11 dynasty points there, it would be a shame if 3 rings were to happen with it

leokitty posted:

Why use mason jars instead of a pitcher?

Because after you drink 2/3 of a pitcher, it doesn't really make any room to put it back.

# ¿ Oct 22, 2013 06:41

Spoeank: Jul 16, 2003; That's a nice set of 11 dynasty points there, it would be a shame if 3 rings were to happen with it

St1cky posted:

He watched Jaguars vs Rams for his job? That sounds like something Mike Rowe needs to do a show on.

I was listening to a fantasy football podcast (Fantasy Underground) and one of the guys on it mentioned he had to watch that game six times because he kept forgetting to look for things he wanted to look for.

# ¿ Oct 23, 2013 04:23

Spoeank: Jul 16, 2003; That's a nice set of 11 dynasty points there, it would be a shame if 3 rings were to happen with it

stuart scott irl posted:

Damon Bruce is a sports talk bro who went on an awful tirade about how womens' involvement in sports is ruining everything. Rob Neyer wrote a bunch of tweets defending him, because he like, had met the guy before, and now wrote a big hilariously awful column about it: http://www.baseballnation.com/hot-corner/2013/11/11/5089986/damon-bruce-knbr-san-francisco-radio-sports-host-women

The best part is a female is an integral part of the KNBR morning staff, where Damon Bruce works (granted he's usually on 1050 and she's usually on 680).

Also she's all kinds of kick rear end and I would be 100% up for them firing Bruce and putting Kate Scott in his slot. http://www.sfgate.com/lgbt/article/Kate-Scott-broadens-horizons-of-sports-radio-4623655.php

# ¿ Nov 12, 2013 02:13

Spoeank: Jul 16, 2003; That's a nice set of 11 dynasty points there, it would be a shame if 3 rings were to happen with it

I got as far as Damon Bruce "Nut Job" and I can tell you this is an accurate list.

And Kluwe "Unemployable Redditor" :lol:

# ¿ Dec 18, 2013 01:14

Spoeank: Jul 16, 2003; That's a nice set of 11 dynasty points there, it would be a shame if 3 rings were to happen with it

morestuff posted:

Of course.

Countdown to him dropping an, "all he does is win."

# ¿ Dec 31, 2013 03:28

Spoeank: Jul 16, 2003; That's a nice set of 11 dynasty points there, it would be a shame if 3 rings were to happen with it

R.D. Mangles posted:

Reilly claims he's above biting back and brushed her comments off as toothless.

"You can't hurt me by stating the truth, duh. :rolleyes:

"

That really was a fantastic takedown of Reilly though, holy moly.

# ¿ Jan 30, 2014 02:53

Spoeank: Jul 16, 2003; That's a nice set of 11 dynasty points there, it would be a shame if 3 rings were to happen with it

Colin Kaepernick, 49ers QB, has made it known that when his rookie contract is up, he wants a contract in line with his peers.

Noted crotchety old man/Kaepernick disbeliever Lowell Cohn made his disturbance with this fact known:

http://www.pressdemocrat.com/article/20140303/sports/140309883#page=0

quote:

Colin Kaepernick is not an attractive personality. Usually he doesn�t say jack. And that�s not attractive. When he says jack � and more � he�s even less attractive.

Take what the Boston Globe is reporting about Kaepernick. He wants a contract extension from the 49ers. He wants a big-money contract extension. He wants Jay Cutler money. He wants Tony Romo money. He wants more than those guys get.

FYI, Cutler signed for $18.1 a year, $38 million guaranteed. Romo signed for $18 million a year, $40 million guaranteed.

If Kaepernick doesn�t get that kind of dough, he says he�ll go back to kindergarten and knock over his blocks and hold his breath until he turns blue. Check that. I got carried away.

He actually said, according to the Globe, he�ll play out the final year of his contract, base salary just south of one mil, and negotiate after next season instead of settling for what he considers a contract unworthy of his eminence.

Someone should slap a Boston cream pie in Kaepernick�s smug face.

Why?

Start with this. During Super Bowl Week, he made the rounds of radio talk shows in New York. It talks! He went on with Murph and Mac and, in a sensitive, reasonable voice, said he�s not looking to break the bank in his next contract. What a guy. He�d accept a reasonable contract, not a whopper, so the 49ers can have enough money to sign key players like Donte Whitner and keep the team together. Kaepernick wanted everyone to see him as the ultimate team player.

Now this. It�s like he�s saying, �To hell with the team. I want mine.�

There are words to describe his position starting with �hypocrite� and ending with �phony.� You can fill in words in between.

There�s more. Kaepernick has started 23 regular-season games. That�s not even two seasons� worth of games. In his 23 starts he has done some things well. He also has created two iconic images in the minds of 49ers fans. Those images would be flopping at the end of the Super Bowl against the Ravens on useless, repetitive, unimaginative passes to Michael Crabtree. And then flopping yet again in last season�s NFC championship game, throwing the same useless, repetitive, unimaginative pass to Crabtree.

For those passes, for freezing under pressure, for not seeing the entire field, for all that and more, Kaepernick does not rate top money. Let the Bears and Cowboys make desperate, silly moves. Let them throw away money. None of that is our concern.

Our concern is Kaepernick. Our wisdom tells us the Niners should pay for what a player actually did in real life, in the hurly-burly of action on the field with the stakes high and everything depending on his wits and his arm. The Niners should not pay for what a twice-failed quarterback might do, could possibly do some day in a vague future that may never happen.

And make no mistake, Kaepernick has failed twice. Jim Harbaugh dumped Alex Smith � there�s no polite way to put it � after Smith got injured, an unusual move, and made his guy, Kaepermick, the quarterback expressly to win a Super Bowl. That was the logic and that was the goal.

Smith already proved he could lose in the NFC championship game. Harbaugh wanted someone to do better. He wanted someone to win the championship game and win the Super Bowl. Well, Kaepernick won and lost the championship game. He also lost the Super Bowl in horrible ways.

The Niners gave the team to Kaepernick to win the Super Bowl. Not to lose the Super Bowl. They expected him to deliver. He did not. Toward the end of last season, Harbaugh and Greg Roman made noises that Kaepernick is young and still learning. Weak. They didn�t put him in to learn. They put him in to win.

And he should have won. Kaepernick is the quarterback of the NFL�s most talented roster. Neither Kaepernick nor Harbaugh has won the Super Bowl with those players. Other quarterbacks would have won. Other head coaches would have won. Not these guys.

If the 49ers give Kaepernick the money the Globe says he wants, that will sink the whole franchise. For a quarterback who�s still learning? Imagine what Billy Beane would do in a parallel situation. He�d get a new quarterback.

Here�s what the 49ers should do. They should remind Kaepernick and his agent that Kaepernick has a contract. A valid, binding contract. Written on paper. A document he signed in sound mind. They should hold him to that contract. See how he plays next season. See if he improves in the red zone. See if he sees the entire field. See if he wins the Super Bowl.

Stuff like that.

If he wins the Super Bowl, sure, give him Cutler money. If not, well things will get real interesting. But, please, make his contract performance-based, not extortion based.

Because there is a certain amount of extortion involved in his negotiations and Harbaugh�s negotiations. It�s like they own the franchise. It�s like they are holding it up, like without them the Niners will revert to being complete failures.

They certainly are showing a lack of respect for Jed York and his business acumen and guts.

I hope York asserts himself, lets Kaepernick and Harbaugh know he runs the team and these are the 49ers, for God�s sake, and they are bigger than two guys, no matter who those guys are. And the Niners will pay on their terms, run the team on their terms.

Advice to Jed York: If Kaepernick persists in his unrealistic, impertinent, rude demands, give him jack.

Oh, Lowell, don't change :allears:

For the record, by his measure, Kaepernick has already achieved more than Jay Cutler & Tony Romo.

Also Kaepernick is playing out his contract & is negotiating an extension, which according to Cohn, is apparently him not playing out his contract.

# ¿ Mar 5, 2014 08:22

Spoeank: Jul 16, 2003; That's a nice set of 11 dynasty points there, it would be a shame if 3 rings were to happen with it

Sorry my man :smith:

# ¿ Mar 21, 2014 16:30

Spoeank: Jul 16, 2003; That's a nice set of 11 dynasty points there, it would be a shame if 3 rings were to happen with it

R.D. Mangles posted:

An adult man who goes says "no, please call me Buster."

Careful, now.

# ¿ Mar 28, 2014 05:54

Spoeank: Jul 16, 2003; That's a nice set of 11 dynasty points there, it would be a shame if 3 rings were to happen with it

That sure is a lot of words for "A Thing Happened."

# ¿ Mar 31, 2014 20:26

Spoeank: Jul 16, 2003; That's a nice set of 11 dynasty points there, it would be a shame if 3 rings were to happen with it

Mahoning posted:

I'm going to disagree with you only in the fact that the Block C is the ugliest, least unique logo possibly ever. You can't tell me that's the best they could come up with that wasn't offensive.

If they tweaked the cursive I so that it didn't look like a stylized P reflected in a mirror, it could be passable. It's hard to come up with something that isn't just a letter that is also non-offensive with a team name like Indians though.

# ¿ Apr 5, 2014 17:16

Spoeank: Jul 16, 2003; That's a nice set of 11 dynasty points there, it would be a shame if 3 rings were to happen with it

hcreight posted:

Deadspin made a successful FOIA request for the e-mails that Darren Rovell sent to a U. of Michigan professor about a former student who made fun of him on twitter.

Darren Rovell has the maturity of a 12 year old.

# ¿ May 6, 2014 03:56

Spoeank: Jul 16, 2003; That's a nice set of 11 dynasty points there, it would be a shame if 3 rings were to happen with it

Geno posted:

Another Grantland classic about the 2002 WCF between the Kings/Lakers

http://grantland.com/features/2002-western-conference-oral-history-los-angeles-lakers-sacramento-kings/

Re: Game 6

Bernhardt: Ed Rush, my boss at the time, called and asked what I thought about the game. I said, �I�d rather not say.� He said, �Tell me, Ted.� I said, �You know me, Ed. I�d rather not say.� He goes, �Ted, tell me.� I said, �Well, I thought my partners sucked.� He says, �OK, thank you. That�s what I�d thought you think.� Click. That�s why I hate talking about it, because I really care about Delaney and [third official Dick] Bavetta.

Thank Lord they recognize the officiating that game was a travesty.

# ¿ May 8, 2014 03:31

Spoeank: Jul 16, 2003; That's a nice set of 11 dynasty points there, it would be a shame if 3 rings were to happen with it

MourningView posted:

Scott Boras owns.

Inventing an award, then negotiating a contract incentive in case that award is won is like peak sports agent chicanery.

# ¿ May 20, 2014 20:22

Spoeank: Jul 16, 2003; That's a nice set of 11 dynasty points there, it would be a shame if 3 rings were to happen with it

Frackie Robinson posted:

Why are we talking about all this Grantland poo poo when we could be talking about Jon Bois' latest installment of NBA Y2K, "Death of the NBA"? It's a loving work of art.

All is lost.

# ¿ Jun 5, 2014 03:05

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# ¿ Apr 29, 2024 17:30

Spoeank: Jul 16, 2003; That's a nice set of 11 dynasty points there, it would be a shame if 3 rings were to happen with it

It's a billion words to say, "hey nerds thinking B/R is going to give you a job for your '10 Best Things About Being a Fan of the ACC' slideshows, you're way wrong. They want writers from ESPN, not your dumb rear end." B/R's business model is essentially, "why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?"

# ¿ Jul 23, 2014 14:18

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Sports Argument Stadium > Sports Journalism Tumblr: A Black self-insert character called Jabaal Abdul-Simmons

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