Geeky Star Wars Loser Thread Episode VII: Attack of the bugnest orgies

The Something Awful Forums > The Finer Arts > The Book Barn > Geeky Star Wars Loser Thread Episode VII: Attack of the bugnest orgies

«‹›2 »

T-1000: Mar 28, 2010

Jedi Knight Luigi posted:

It's not his hand, some crazy scientist got a hold of it and made Luuke with that. I've always thought it was a piece of ripped cloth from his clothing.

That book was written over a decade later. It's his hand and saber.

# ¿ Aug 15, 2010 04:28

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ¿ Apr 28, 2024 23:23

T-1000: Mar 28, 2010

Angry Midwesterner posted:

It might have been little kid logic, but I always figured it was his blaster falling out of its holster because he landed upside down.

I mean, there was a good minute of talking with Vader after he lost the hand. I'd expect it would have fallen far out of sight by then.

I assumed the reason they didn't ever show what it was up close because it was a severed hand and they didn't want to be excessively gruesome but his blaster makes sense too. I don't recall seeing his hand at the bottom of the chute when the hatch opens to drop him out. Next time I watch it I'll go through frame by frame.

Val Helmethead posted:

And lets not forget the SECOND Imperial Ore Extractor that was attacked by Rebels hoping to seize it during it's construction, while the Emperor was on board to oversee this important ~~military~~ economic investment.

They just wanted to use it to smash up uninhabited planetoids to more easily mine the minerals within! What kind of monsters these rebels are to look at these things and think "we could turn this on a population center!"

The Imperial Museum section in the second X-wing book is fantastic, it covers all this, including the Emperor's heroic sacrifice to destroy the weapon after the terrorists were unmoved by his pleas for reason.

wacky posted:

Also, if I'm not mistaken, X-Wing and Tie Fighter had live action scenes in them randomly as well.

You're mistaken. I honestly thought the videos in rebel assault 2 were pretty atrocious. Like it was a zombie of star wars - it looked exactly the same, but was dead inside. Though I absolutely hated RA2, so this may have coloured my opinions.

# ¿ Aug 15, 2010 12:28

T-1000: Mar 28, 2010

hunkofsoup posted:

said, yesterday I received a package in the mail containing this:

I can't wait to start reading. Zahn's bad habits as a writer bugged me less and less as I got into the books, and I hope I can gloss over Stackpole's flaws just as easily.

You've got a few good weekends ahead of you. The last two in the series aren't quite as good but are still worth picking up if you can.

Stackpole should win some sort of literary award. He wrote a series of books based on two of the greatest computer games of all time, which were in turn based on three of the greatest movies of all time, and the result was a pile of pulpy fun. The chances of that happening ever again in history are minute.

Big Mean Jerk posted:

How can you post that and skip over the part that said Aaron Allston is writing a new Wraith Squadron novel?

I see this as a needless opportunity to tarnish a great run. He left it in a good place when the original series ended. Back when the enemy were the Empire and things made sense. You fought British dudes with snazzy uniforms and evil schemes. None of this fighting-spaceships-made-of-plants crap.

T-1000 fucked around with this message at 11:47 on Aug 16, 2010

# ¿ Aug 16, 2010 11:41

T-1000: Mar 28, 2010

sniper4625 posted:

Starfighters of Adumar was the best book in that series hands down.

A lot of it was very good. Definitely the funniest book in the series, kind of like four-buddies-on-a-camping-trip-gone-awry only their trip involves interplanetary diplomacy. But they weren't shooting down TIE fighters in space with the fate of the galaxy in the balance, they were in-atmosphere on some backwater planet on a turkey shoot. There was no diverse cast of expendables who actually get killed, it was four ubermensch carving a bloody swathe. The stakes were low and there was very little tension, even compared to the other books.

hunkofsoup posted:

They're arriving later this week from Amazon, along with I, Jedi and Vector Prime. (My library has the Thrawn duology, which I'll read before tackling NJO.)

Before you start Vector Prime, stop and consider: do I want to know what happens next? Seriously think about all you have read so far and how you could just stop reading and be content with what you have.

Then you'll just read it and Chewbacca will die and a cold breeze will carry to you the sound of George Lucas' laughter from atop his throne of skulls and money.

# ¿ Aug 16, 2010 15:22

T-1000: Mar 28, 2010

Slantedfloors posted:

Adumar had the capability to (and eventually did) become one of the galaxy's foremost producers of missle ammunition.

In hindsight, maybe - I've read very little that comes after. Do you feel it in the book? Not especially. "Here's a planet you've never heard of. We want it because it might be really really useful later. Oh and the people on it are kind of nice but backwards and that can get kind of annoying, but be diplomatic." Compared to Blackmoon, Thyferra and Coruscant, on which pretty much hinge the fate of the galaxy, or even the various Wraith raids. All these planets were chock-full of much smarter bad guys with much better gear, things often went wrong, the bad guys could launch a capable offensive, there are some decent oh-crap moments, and people got killed. In Adumar, everything works out fairly predictably and happily. Only one guy we sort-of like dies, offstage. A billion nameless dudes get slaughtered but the good guys are without a scratch. That's pretty different from what made the rest of the series so good.

# ¿ Aug 16, 2010 15:49

T-1000: Mar 28, 2010

WhyteRyce posted:

There is no reason why he can't have Wraith Squadron still fighting in the pre-NJO era. This was some behind-the-scenes commando squad anyway and the SW universe is huge, there is no reason they have to be involve in some huge galaxy spanning conflict that the Big 3 are a part of. Hell you can just have them fighting space pirates and it would be still great.

Is it just me or do they only write books set in one of two time periods at any given time:
- at the end of the current EU history
- just before/during/after whatever film just came out

There's no reason they couldn't write books about people other than the big 3 set in any time period, with no great impact on galactic history. It doesn't matter if the stakes are low for the galaxy so long as they're high for the characters. Hell, they could set it during the Thrawn war. There's enough things going on everywhere that there's room for any number of stories so long as the authors have some minimum of imagination and care about the characters (which means there's only about three authors who could pull it off). If Allston went all broken arrow and slipped the yoke of his Lucasarts masters...but I doubt that will happen.

DougieC posted:

You could easily sit them in a post-LOTF era. Or any era. The point of Wraith Squadron is they stir poo poo up with whacky schemes to destabalise enemies. Pirate gangs, warlords etc. can be set pretty much anywhere from 6ABY onwards. They could stick it in Legacy era if they wanted.

WhyteRyce posted:

I would be kind of amusing to have Wraith Squadron giving running commentary to the poo poo going on in the post-NJO era.
"When did the galaxy get so stupid"
It would be like I, Jedi

This would force us to learn how crappy the later EU is. I'll pass. Also they'd be in their fifties and sixties and that's just weird.

# ¿ Aug 16, 2010 22:50

T-1000: Mar 28, 2010

Throb Robinson posted:

This gem hasn't been posted in ages. Scroll down til you see a poster named Yodakenobi, This is fantastic review of sacrifice. I still laugh hard when I give it a reread now and then.
http://boards.theforce.net/literature/b10003/28128642/p5

"Traviss' attempts at political commentary are handled with the deftness of a fat kid desperately grasping for the last cookie in a jar that's opening is far too narrow for his meaty fist."

# ¿ Aug 17, 2010 02:49

T-1000: Mar 28, 2010

I don't get why any of you would complain about the show since I'd assume you're all outside the target demographic. I've never seen a single episode. At my age there's no way I'm watching any children's show that doesn't feature Batman.

Pththya-lyi posted:

Cad Bane. He's kind of a cheesy character, I admit it, but I like him for his Western gun-slinger look. His appearance was based on unused concept art from the OT, which only makes him even cooler:

Surprisingly, Lucas was the one who suggested using a Western film-style bounty hunter in the show. That means that Lucas can still get it right sometimes, which gives me hope until I remember the saying about the stopped clock.

That's an awesome concept sketch. It's everything that's right about Star Wars. And of course it's from the OT. No matter how awesome that sketch is, there's no way any modern star wars could live up to it.

# ¿ Aug 17, 2010 06:51

T-1000: Mar 28, 2010

Nemesis Of Moles posted:

Someone over in CD posted this link that I think everyone in this thread would enjoy
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xxf1c3fzDOU

This is just magnificent. The Anakin auditions are painful to watch. But the whole atmosphere really strikes me as some sort of cult - there's always a group of people standing around, doing nothing, agreeing.

Bene Elim posted:

Actual question: What is the benefit, if any, to holding a lightsaber in a reverse-grip, as Starkiller, Ashoka and apparently now Revan do?

Edit: No, it does not look cooler.

Holding it sideways is gangsta style. If Revan equipped a blaster he would probably hold it sideways too.

The thing I can't stand about the Clone Wars cartoon was when Anakin killed the gundark and used the pommel of his lightsaber to play its skeleton like a xylophone. He strikes the same rib twice in succession, yet he produces two clearly different tones. I mean, what are we to believe, that this is some sort of a magic xylophone or something? Boy, I really hope somebody got fired for that blunder.

# ¿ Aug 17, 2010 16:16

T-1000: Mar 28, 2010

AcridWhistle posted:

Don't befriend her either because nearly everyone who knows her and is important enough to be referenced dies (Luke, Han Solo, and Lando are exempt). Same goes for Starships, it is going to crash or be boarded, even the Millinium Falcon isn't exempt.

That's nothing, Luke Skywalker has the Midas touch of death.
- Padm� Amidala: died 20 seconds after giving birth to him
- Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru: dead
- Obi-Wan: dead
- The jawas he bought R2 and C-3PO from: dead
- Those guys in the cantina: if not dead then pretty messed up
- Biggs Darklighter (best friend): dead
- All of rogue squadron except him and Wedge: dead
- All of gold squadron except one guy: dead
- Everyone on the Death Star: dead
- The original R2-D2: dead, replaced by replica
- His tauntaun: dead
- The pilot that found him and Han on Hoth: dead
- The AT-AT that came near him: dead
- The Gamorrean nearest to him in Jabba's palace: eaten
- The rancor: dead
- Everyone on Jabba's skiff: dead
- Yoda: dead
- the Ewoks: many, many dead
- the stormtroopers he surrendered to: dead
- Anakin Skywalker: dead
- The Emperor: dead
- Everyone on the Death Star, again: dead
- 95% of his jedi students: dead
- Both nephews: dead
- Wife: dead

WhyteRyce posted:

What Star Wars needs is an edgy new character to appeal to a younger generation...ah poo poo.

At least we don't have someone named Poochy

Yet.

# ¿ Aug 17, 2010 17:19

T-1000: Mar 28, 2010

Duckman2008 posted:

So I'm curiuos what everyone's thoughts are on Thrawn (in my opinion, the only real amazing EU character)? Is he to be considered an evil dude since he is with the Empire, or was he similar to Robert E Lee where he was a good guy who fought for his home cause?

My memory on the books is hazy, but beyond the Nogri enslavement (which is pretty bad) I don't remember many bad things about the guy.

If he tortured one innocent puppy to death for fun there'd be no question. He didn't do that. He just waged interstellar war via his insane jedi and his army of clones. There's "ends justify the means" and there's getting a few billion people killed for an aggressive war of galactic re-conquest.

WampaLord posted:

Well, he inherited that Noghri slavery thing from Vader. It's kind of like the two wars with Obama, I can't really blame him for them.

Thrawn does kill an underling at one point for making a mistake, a la Vader. But another time he forgives one and promotes him for at least trying to fix the problem. So, I don't know. I think living under Emperor Thrawn wouldn't have been too bad overall.

The confederacy inherited slavery from their parents. Doesn't change the fact that they're owning people. And the whole if-you-speak-your-mind they shoot you and your family. Other than that not too bad.

Also I'm pretty sure he wiped all life off the surface of some planet. Caamas maybe. I recall him mentioning it to some underling, showing him a vase and saying he destroyed the world it came from. But hey he's a more interesting character than 99.9% of the rest, we can forgive him a few genocides and enslavement and tyranny.

# ¿ Aug 18, 2010 01:37

T-1000: Mar 28, 2010

WampaLord posted:

But imagine Vader coming up to you like "Hey, I got this race of super loyal assassins who actually love serving us. You want in, or should I just let them go free?"

Hard to pass that up, regardless of moral viewpoints.

I don't exactly follow. If Vader were coming up to you saying "Hey, I got this spare coupon for a lifetime supply of fresh bananas. You want it, or should I just throw it away?" then moral viewpoints wouldn't exactly come into it because bananas are delicious and have no rights and these ones are certified organic and fairtrade and Vader won the coupon in a competition fair and square.
Passing up ownership of people, some moral viewpoints might find that easier than others. These moral viewpoints are held by people who aren't complete monsters.

arioch posted:

Aside from that, Thrawn is one of the few Star Wars villains who kills more enemies than he gets his own side killed. Think about it.

Not really that hard since most EU end in complete annihilation of the villian of the week and their forces. I can think of maybe three competent bad guys, the rest are just moustache-twirling eeeevil.

T-1000 fucked around with this message at 02:02 on Aug 18, 2010

# ¿ Aug 18, 2010 01:53

T-1000: Mar 28, 2010

WampaLord posted:

To these people, it isn't viewed as slavery, but fair trade. They are actually happy to serve the Empire (or were until Leia exposed the con for what it was). So as an Imperial Officer who needs a super awesome assassin squad (or twenty), I'm saying he's really not in a place to argue moralilty over the decision. Does this make him extra evil or something? I think it just makes him pragmatic.

(I'm not trying to get all Mad Hamish up in here, just having a fun little argument about Star Wars morality )

Sorry, fixed the misquote.

If he could power a superweapon by abducting and abusing children, it would be pragmatic. And evil. To those children it wouldn't be abuse, it'd be their life.

# ¿ Aug 18, 2010 02:13

T-1000: Mar 28, 2010

Kemper Boyd posted:

Thrawn, Zsinj and Isard?

I thought about it for a moment, and Isard is pretty much interchangeable with Daala, except Isard actually manages to appear competent at something, but ultimately falls because of her flaws.

Zsinj is interesting because of how Allston has written him. He appears as an actual military and political threat instead of just a big bad evil.

That was a bit of a throwaway line on my part. I guess they'd be the best I know of. I haven't read any of the later stuff.
Isard actually ruled the entire empire for what, a few years at least? And created a supervirus that killed a crapton of aliens. If her biotechs had been better she could have pulled that plan off. She ultimately fell because her top agent double-crossed her (because she was such a bitch) and because someone escaped her inescapable prison. Otherwise she could have stayed put a while longer, sending out more sleepers to do various acts of nastiness.

As opposed to Daala who - if I recall KJA's abomination of a series - pushed papers and twiddled her thumbs at some secret base for a decade, not bothering to wonder why they'd had no contact with the outside world at all.
Then she proceeded to lose a star destroyer every battle, then lost some more ships, then ran off and sulked. I can't remember. Did she ever win a battle? And then she came back later in some craptacular books?

Zsinj was fun because he had a million schemes running at once, and schemes within his schemes - tracking robots and ion minefields and evil alien experiments and cloaking devices and stealing star destroyers. Little touches like only showing visitors a fake bridge, full of squabbling officers, dueling stormies and guys playing TIE Fighter. Or luring enemies to an asteroid field and blowing up the asteroids. He's the closest thing star wars has to Lex Luthor.

Bene Elim posted:

^^ I'd have said Kreia or Darth Revan were pretty competant. Hell, even Mandalore the Ultimate. Ok, so they were all eventually defeated, but not by their own stupidity.

I can't say, I'm not particularly familiar with any of them. Still finishing KOTOR 1. Revan isn't a developed enough character to compare to the others.

Bene Elim posted:

Stop. Now. The idea that there are different forms using different movements that Jedi practice and that you can see which ones they're using in the films is one of my biggest gripes at the moment. There's more than enough Sperging about them done on various forums, so suffice to say drop them, never talk much about them and never take them seriously. The 'Forms' have grown purely out of the choreographed crap that filled the prequels.

Spot freaking on. Different forms of fictional swordfighting with different made-up names for them is an incredibly stupid idea. Just tie it to the characters. Obi Wan has a cautious, defensive style. Samuel L. Jackson has a more elaborate, aggressive style (at least, I rememeber more lunging and swinging his arms around). Luke Skywalker has no clue what he's doing in ESB, is more balanced by the start of ROTJ, and goes totally nuts at the end. Vader is just a bastard who does whatever is easy at the time.

edit:

Bene Elim posted:

Any Jedi with the slightest amount of skill should be able to block a blaster shot with the Force. Trigger happy idiots.

One of the coolest bits in ESB is when they open the door on Cloud City and Vader is just standing there, Han draws and shoots him straight away, Vader just handblocks the shot and pulls the gun out of his hand. Such a simple sequence that conveys so much more than techno-chaos. They pretty much abandoned this in the prequels and every video game I ever played - it's all lightsaber. The only book I ever read of it in was I, Jedi where the main guy and his grandfather specialise in pulling energy out of blaster shots, lightsabers and explosions - cool but maybe going a bit too far.

T-1000 fucked around with this message at 09:03 on Aug 18, 2010

# ¿ Aug 18, 2010 08:57

T-1000: Mar 28, 2010

SubHorror posted:

Well, they are able to block lightsabers with their hands in ToR, so what Vader does on Cloud City should be the easiest trick in the book for any Jedi.

The concept of a lightsaber can be understood by a three year old or a caveman, but Bioware want to interpret it differently? gah.

# ¿ Aug 18, 2010 10:08

T-1000: Mar 28, 2010

Biplane posted:

how did she even get 200 star destroyers?

Didn't she somehow get every warlord in one room and kill them? Every warlord that had spent a decade trying to kill each other. Every warlord that would have reason to be paranoid for traps from the republic or each other. Not representatives of every warlord, not a conference call with holograms. Every warlord, physically in one room, unarmed and defenceless.

Although killing the leader the first time made the empire fragment, killing the sub-leaders forged them all back together.

And even though Pellaeon had actual combat experience compared to the desk admiral, he just went along with it. The best excuse I can think of is as soon as Thrawn went down, Pellaeon kind of ran his life into the gutter and became a bit of a nihilist. Those were the lost years, where he just went along with whatever crazy plan sounded entertaining. Every night he'd sit alone on the darkened bridge, drinking heavily and screaming obscenities at the TV screen like Herv� Villechaize did.

# ¿ Aug 18, 2010 10:33

T-1000: Mar 28, 2010

Wouldn't the reason you use ray guns instead of bullet guns be the fact that bullets punch holes in your body, injure your internal organs and cause blood loss, while ray guns disintegrate you? I just assumed armour and shielding on spaceships and stormtroopers rendered conventional weapons ineffective.

# ¿ Aug 19, 2010 00:52

T-1000: Mar 28, 2010

Slantedfloors posted:

Didn't SOE fling hundreds of players into space one time for questioning them?

http://www.penny-arcade.com/comic/2004/8/25/ covers this. It reflects pretty poorly on SOE.

I never played it, but from what I heard they took one game and slowly transformed it into another that nobody liked.

Why did you have to link to TvTropes? I'd broken the habit.

T-1000 fucked around with this message at 01:14 on Aug 20, 2010

# ¿ Aug 20, 2010 00:58

T-1000: Mar 28, 2010

Kazy posted:

- The original R2-D2: dead, replaced by replica
When did this happen?

I admit, I made it up. He gets blown up at the end of ANH and miraculously restored a short period of time later. And then proceeds to not tell them anything useful that he knew from the prequels.
Also, they blew up the Death Star but the Imperials knew where the rebel base was. Rather than repairing him, it'd be a lot faster to just scrap the original R2, reformat another astromech you had lying around, and then start packing your stuff.

# ¿ Aug 20, 2010 03:27

T-1000: Mar 28, 2010

Shimrra Jamaane posted:

R2 gives Luke video recordings of Anakin and Padme in the Dark Nest trilogy.

I freaking hate how they shoehorn references to the prequels into the EU as the movies came out. People only made passing references to it for forty years, then it's like everyone only just remembered all those things that happened.

# ¿ Aug 20, 2010 04:33

T-1000: Mar 28, 2010

WhyteRyce posted:

Yeah I thought the combo system, with the exception of a couple of moves, was annoying and didn't do much other than add some more "wow, acrobatics!" moves to the game. 90% of everything I did involved force pushing some enemy into another enemy or over a rail, usually after I charged them with lightning.

I think the best move was something like lightsaber, lightsaber, forcepush. It was basically the home run bat from Super Smash Brothers, launching whatever you hit into the stratosphere. That sort of overpowered absurdity is exactly what I want in my Star Wars videogames. I didn't complain back in the days when I got to fly a TIE Defender with a tractor beam (faster, more heavily armed, and better shielded than anything before or since), or a missile boat armed with something like eighty missiles (the most you ever got before was eight).
I killed so many rebels and traitorous Imperials, it's a wonder the Empire didn't win.

# ¿ Aug 22, 2010 13:56

T-1000: Mar 28, 2010

From reading the blurb, now there's sith again?

Somebody did a really crappy job of wiping out the jedi. You turn over a rock and a couple of jedi/sith scurry out.

# ¿ Aug 25, 2010 05:24

T-1000: Mar 28, 2010

Are you guys certain Mon Cal was in open revolt? I thought they built a whole bunch of ships, the Imperials came along and said "nice ships, we'll take them" and the Mon Cals got enslaved, then escaped with their ships leaving their planet behind and joining the rebels.

I thought the Imperials just occupied the planet ie: a few ships and space stations in orbit, send in the stormies if anyone makes trouble, leave the natives to their stinking wet mess. A planet being in open revolt makes no sense. Any Imperial admiral who wants a promotion would be coming up with plans to boil the oceans and burn the ashes. That's why the rebels were always building bases in the middle of nowhere. As soon as someone says "we be rebels, yo" they get completely annihilated.

I didn't think Bothawui was in open revolt either. At least from what I remember in Shadows of the Empire, they had to be sneaky because there were stormtroopers around who could (and did) bust down doors and kill everyone. I also remember an epic X-Wing Alliance mission where you're at Bothawui running cover from some awesome space platform in a B-wing against the local Imperial traffic, and the Executor shows up and unloads fighters everywhere. I need to reinstall that game.

Sullust too: openly cooperating with the Empire, but a few pro-rebel cells. The Empire happened to be fairly aware of them so they kept the boot firmly on the Sullustan neck.

Karandras posted:

How many TIE defenders were roughly made? The wiki source says at least 10,000 were unaccounted for, which indicates there were a lot made post Endor.

In the second-last X-wing book, one wing of TIE defenders (36 fighters) is more than Antilles thought were ever built. In TIE Fighter there were a few hundred, tops; they were crazily experimental, most missions you had at most two wingmen and killed maybe a few other TIE-Ds. They were still experimental and half the factories got blown up by missile boats. The rebels wouldn't have known that much about them, as that was a little Imperial civil war that wouldn't have made the news. They could have built more. Then again they could have dropped a moon on Chewbacca.

# ¿ Aug 26, 2010 01:26

T-1000: Mar 28, 2010

sniper4625 posted:

Stormtroopers are intended as elite shock troopers. Special training, special armor, etc.

That makes no sense. In the movies you don't see any army at all except in specialised mechanised units. And on the whole those units are more competent than stormtroopers or snowtroopers or sandtroopers. Why would you have elite strike teams bumming around on Tatooine, riding giant desert lizards? Those weren't just from Vader's star destroyers, they were locally based units.

# ¿ Aug 26, 2010 13:58

T-1000: Mar 28, 2010

There should have been no jedi and no sith. Luke Skywalker, last jedi. Oh wait, his sister too. That's it. Finito. Vader killed everyone but those two as well as Yoda and Obi-wan. And if he didn't kill someone, whats-his-face in The Force Unleashed did before being eventually killed by Vader or whoever. By the time of A New Hope, every single jedi should have been dead. Because he's Darth Vader, his midichlorians are OFF THE CHARTS, he'd use his awesome powers of evil to detect the location of any surviving jedi/sith, and he's got a spaceship several kilometres long and if he wants to he can just burn the atmosphere off any planet he suspects has a jedi/sith on it. Maybe even if they don't have a jedi but they give him attitude. No other secret apprentices, no jedi who escaped, no lurking sith, no illegitimate lovechildren of the Emperor or Vader or Obi-Wan or whoever. Every other force-powered freak was pushing up daisies. Vader found them and killed them because that's what he does. It's all he does.

The only exceptions allowed are anyone you fight in Dark Forces 2.

# ¿ Aug 27, 2010 05:26

T-1000: Mar 28, 2010

Archr5 posted:

and Filoni thought for a minute and said (paraphrasing) "Ok so let me start here, Anakin isn't a "Bad guy" necessarily, He's been led to believe that the Republic is being attacked by the Jedi and that his allegiances need to switch to protect the greater good... so just because he ultimately chooses the dark side, he doesn't "become evil" all at once."

The first thing Anakin does when he turns to the dark side is hack off Mace Windu's arm and let the Emperor kill him.
The second thing Anakin does is slaughter a large group of children.

Even if you're paraphrasing inaccurately, the idea is idiotic.

# ¿ Aug 29, 2010 01:11

T-1000: Mar 28, 2010

The second ewok movie is pretty freaking brutal for a kids' movie. The girl's entire family is murdered by zombie-looking dudes in the first five minutes. And you know they're dead for sure because the wristband says so.

Deathtek Wristbands: breaking hearts since 10392 BBY.

# ¿ Aug 30, 2010 16:26

T-1000: Mar 28, 2010

end of the world posted:

Is the AT-AT the most inefficient war machine of all time?

No. They're used in the one scene where the Empire unequivocally kicks arse. They perfectly symbolise the overwhelming strength, firepower and size of the Empire versus the tiny but quick and resourceful rebels. They're like the result of the evolution of the Tiger tank or the Bismarck - massive, slow, ridiculously heavily armoured, ridiculously heavily armed, yet with vulnerabilities - which ties in well with the Empire = Nazis motif. One literally tries to crush Luke underfoot. The scene where the ground shakes under their footsteps even though they're not yet visible creates more tension than you could sift out of all three prequels. So they achieve a diverse number of things despite being a giant robot cow. Hardly inefficient.

Also, I direct you to My Tank Is Fight.

# ¿ Aug 31, 2010 16:18

T-1000: Mar 28, 2010

Big Mean Jerk posted:

Moment of silence for Porkins, please.

I'd love to see the casting call. "Corpulent bearded man needed to play star pilot."

I'm amazed by how they created distinct personalities for a lot of pilots despite having less than a minute of screen time and maybe three or four lines each. Porkins, Biggs, Wedge, Red Leader, Gold Leader, I don't know if it's the casting, script or acting. Watching them all get blown out of the sky, you really feel for them. Watching clones fight robots you don't feel anything. Even when you're watching the jedi all get slaughtered, other than the dude with the conical head (Ki Adi Mundi I think?) you don't know anything about any of them. He had maybe three lines in all three movies but the look of betrayal on his face is worth more than millions of dollars of special effects.

# ¿ Sep 6, 2010 06:32

T-1000: Mar 28, 2010

Big Mean Jerk posted:

I'll have you know that Wedge not only survived, but blew up the second Death Star and succeeded Luke as leader of Rogue Squadron.

Wedge is awesome.

Yeah, I know all that. But the point is there's no equivalent in any of the prequels. There are no minor characters outside of a few Naboo security guards, that blue guy who hangs out with Palpatine, and the guy who married Anakin's mum. Everyone else is either a major character or a cardboard cutout. Porkins is a stronger character than Darth Maul despite the vast disparity in screen time. No matter how many times I watch A New Hope, watching Porkins slam into the Death Star screaming that he can hold it just doesn't get old. All the grease on his flightsuit from eating KFC in the cockpit just helped him burn up faster.

# ¿ Sep 6, 2010 06:58

T-1000: Mar 28, 2010

Dave Syndrome posted:

So apparently some chucklehead decided that good ol' Max Rebo was really named "Siiruulian Phantele" (get it? GET IT?).

This is on par with killing Chewie.

# ¿ Sep 7, 2010 16:08

T-1000: Mar 28, 2010

Kingtheninja posted:

Rebel Assault 1 and 2

Sorry to break it to you, but those games sucked. Pointing-and-clicking is not a shooter. Steering through a corridor of arbitrary obstacles is not a piloting sim. It's like they took the best parts of a bunch of games and compressed them to 2D. Shadows of the Empire was basically rebel assault done right.

I really need to finish X-Wing Alliance.

# ¿ Sep 9, 2010 05:54

T-1000: Mar 28, 2010

Not A Bear posted:

So who made the T-47's? Are they the same bunch that made Luke's T-16 skyhopper? Also, did we ever see what that looked like? Because, as far as I recall we only see a part of it in ANH in the garage scene and it uh looked sorta trianglar I guess?

Luke has a model of his T-16 in his house, it's the little three-winged triangle thing. They were made by Incom, who manufactured X-wings, which is how he was able to fly an X-wing - the controls were the same.

# ¿ Sep 13, 2010 02:44

T-1000: Mar 28, 2010

EG posted:

I know people don't talk poo poo on Michael Stackpole's XWing books in this thread, BUT I just read them all and the one thing that really bothered me was how in every book at least 1 character dies, but then NOPE they're actually alive the whole time, everyone just thought they were dead. It gets to the point where you know anyone who dies is coming back. In Isard's Revenge basically every single character thinks the other characters are dead, AND the bad guy they killed in a previous book is back with her clone...

Lujayne is executed by stormies in the first one (although she gets replaced by her sister).
One dude's fighter gets hit by a planet-defence ion and disintegrates.
The shistavenen gets annihilated by a star destroyer jumping in right beside him.
I think the rodian pilot bites it somewhere.
But yeah, Stackpole liked his characters too much to kill them all off. Allston is better at killing people.

# ¿ Sep 14, 2010 02:32

T-1000: Mar 28, 2010

SeanBeansShako posted:

Didn't Biggs cowardly brother die horribly in one too?

Oh, if only.
Closest he comes to dying is the star destroyer jumping right beside him and his wingman while they're pirating a freighter. The freighter shields him from the SD so he blind-jumps while everyone else gets liquefied. Miraculously managing to not-die, he ends up at a small colony on a freezing, inhospitable world. They give him fuel and food and he sends them free bacta that they're stealing.
Isard tracks the freighters and kills everyone in the colony via bombardment.

T-1000 fucked around with this message at 02:51 on Sep 14, 2010

# ¿ Sep 14, 2010 02:48

T-1000: Mar 28, 2010

Chairman Capone posted:

Watching that Han Solo animation reminds me of this fan-made "trailer" that came out a few years ago just prior to Celebration IV and had a lot of people wondering if it was a leaked official trailer:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aAPDje3onJo

Oh, if only.

# ¿ Sep 20, 2010 09:04

T-1000: Mar 28, 2010

Minorkos posted:

"This is Jedi Mind Trick, it's a brand new Force power, and just like all of our other Force powers, we've completely re-envisioned it from the films...

... and on higher levels, they'll (mind tricked enemies) actually explode, they'll turn into like roaming smart bombs and they'll run into packs and explode"

I saw the video of Starkiller fighting Luke on Hoth. He actually throws him into a passing speeder, and he bounces off and hits the ground. And he throws Obi Wan into the Millenium Falcon's engines? Awesome. I don't know why you'd complain about a game that lets you be a total dick with the force...

...and then I read this.

# ¿ Sep 26, 2010 01:24

T-1000: Mar 28, 2010

How could you miss at that range? They were probably close enough to touch.

# ¿ Sep 26, 2010 02:09

T-1000: Mar 28, 2010

Shimrra Jamaane posted:

So, prior to the prequels (or at least AoTC) what did you all believe The Clone Wars were?

The clone wars were WW1 in space, too horrific to show onscreen. The Republic was fighting against a huge army of clones that had been made by some organisation, possibly the Emperor in disguise or a third party (it couldn't just be evil jedi because the story would need to be different to the original trilogy). The jedi were champions rather than generals and losses of regular infantry were heavy. Eventually the Republic won but was severely weakened. The Empire is formed kind of like the separatists were, on the outer rim by dissatisfied ex-soldiers much like the private armies and the fascists of the 20th century were. The Empire grows and takes over like fascism/nazism did. Star Wars was an alternate history where the Axis actually won WW2 and imposed decades of darkness upon the world. Ten year old me had already read too much history when he should have been out socialising and playing sport.

I didn't imagine any backstory for Boba Fett let alone the droids, though I thought Chewbacca might have had a role somewhere. I didn't imagine moron war droids at any point. I didn't picture clones being maori dudes. I didn't think the clones would turn into stormtroopers. That totally ruins the moment in ANH where you realise the stormies are just dumb recruits in armour - "What do you think's going on?" "Probably just another drill?" "So, have you seen the new <random technical thing>?".

I didn't imagine that the Republic cleanly turned into the Empire, but I sort of like that to be honest. From what I looked at on various wikis, one of the admirals in the Clone Wars cartoon later becomes head of the Imperial secret police and has a seat at the Death Star round table in ANH. I thought that and the shot of Tarkin at the end of ROTS were pretty neat. I was expecting a trilogy about the gradual corruption of good people due to the pervasive evil of the dark side.

T-1000 fucked around with this message at 23:10 on Oct 8, 2010

# ¿ Oct 8, 2010 23:02

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ¿ Apr 28, 2024 23:23

T-1000: Mar 28, 2010

Kenshirou posted:

Watched AOTC in its entirety (it's been a few years) and I'm gonna have to say I hate it more than TPM. I forgot how loving awful that last battle is, especially the stuff leading up to it with the factory and the creature fight. I watch the OT maybe once every month or two, but the PT I rarely ever re-watch so I forget just how bad they are. Also why the gently caress did Kit Fisto force push C3PO and then smile at the camera? For some reason that really bothered me.

I have to disagree. The early part of the giant creature fight is probably the best bit of the movie. It's so tacky, it's like something you'd see on Hercules: The Legendary Journeys or some old Flash Gordon show. You were even able to keep track of the action because it was just main characters, giant monsters and geonosian guards onscreen rather than ten million things happening at once. Prisoners being forced to fight alien monsters in gladiatorial battles for an overlord's amusement is the kind of lovingly b-grade stuff the prequels needed more of.

# ¿ Oct 10, 2010 01:39

The Something Awful Forums > The Finer Arts > The Book Barn > Geeky Star Wars Loser Thread Episode VII: Attack of the bugnest orgies

«‹›2 »