|
This thread is for the totally awesome and even more totally ignored weekly column Current Releases. It features four totally-legitimate film critics: Ian "ProfessorClumsy" Maddison, Martin R. "Vargo" Schneider, Montague "Legally Sane" Smythe, and Joseph "Jay Dub" Wade. Each week, 2 to 3 movies are reviewed, starting with a paragraph about the reviewer's Expectations, then a mini-essay on the Reality, ending with a score out fifty based on performance in five categories out of ten (also there's pretty pictures with funny captions). Each film gets a main review, and then under it is a much shorter review called "Minority Report" by a different writer (or at least that's the pattern as of late). It's really well-written and stays fresh with the occasional gimmick review. And to make this post be somewhat helpful for discussion, here's the latest two reviews.
|
#
?
Sep 2, 2010 02:36
|
|
|
|
| # ? Apr 24, 2024 07:11 |
|
|
When the hell is Legally Sane gonna review something? That's what I wanna know.
|
|
#
?
Sep 2, 2010 02:50
|
|
|
I do enjoy the movie reviews. Are they being moved to Wednesday permanently?
|
|
#
?
Sep 2, 2010 03:13
|
|
|
Johnny Walker posted:I do enjoy the movie reviews. Are they being moved to Wednesday permanently? Nah, this week was a fluke, the SA uploader wasn't working over the weekend. Hopefully everything should be back to normal this week.
|
|
#
?
Sep 2, 2010 04:05
|
|
|
Also regarding "Legally Sane" (Don't scroll if you don't want everything ruined.) He's a character created by Professor Clumsy
|
|
#
?
Sep 2, 2010 04:07
|
|
|
Vargo posted:Also regarding "Legally Sane" (Don't scroll if you don't want everything ruined.) That hasn't stopped Donovan Laird from contributing from beyond the apocalypse 
|
|
#
?
Sep 2, 2010 04:35
|
|
|
There is something about Current Releases that seems to go against the philosophy of the rest of the site (Donovan Laird aside). Still, I read it every week and it is now my main source of opinions on things I haven't seen!
|
|
#
?
Sep 2, 2010 22:06
|
|
|
Portable Staplefrog posted:There is something about Current Releases that seems to go against the philosophy of the rest of the site. I'd actually like to hear more about this idea. Do other people feel this way? What exactly is it that make it seem out of place with the rest of the site? Off-hand, I'm guessing it's that the Current Release page is (somewhat) straightforward, but I don't think you can even say that when this week's ends with Jay Dub telling a (assumedly fictional) director's assistant "MAKE BETTER HORROR MOVIES rear end in a top hat!" Feedback here is really appreciated, especially for me, as the new guy. I try to keep a pretty steady balance of serious-commentary to joke, and as such I've kind of evolved my own style for writing these. The three of us are guys who know our movies pretty well, and I at least have to remind myself that SA is first and foremost a Comedy site, but that doesn't mean we can't do legit commentary. I think we manage to keep the balance for the most part, and Jay Dub's review this week is hilarious. (Seriously, read it if you haven't.)
|
|
#
?
Sep 3, 2010 01:38
|
|
|
Vargo posted:I'd actually like to hear more about this idea. This is more how I felt when I first saw it, since I like it now. I guess my negative reaction at the time was just to the idea of a review on Something Awful of something that was not awful.
|
|
#
?
Sep 3, 2010 02:09
|
|
|
Vargo posted:I'd actually like to hear more about this idea. Do other people feel this way? What exactly is it that make it seem out of place with the rest of the site? Off-hand, I'm guessing it's that the Current Release page is (somewhat) straightforward, but I don't think you can even say that when this week's ends with Jay Dub telling a (assumedly fictional) director's assistant "MAKE BETTER HORROR MOVIES rear end in a top hat!" A while back I remember seeing Current Releases described as "Relatively straightforward reviews (for Something Awful standards)" or something like that. It's a tough balance to strike. Go too far in one direction and we're just reviewing movies like every other toolbag on the Internet. Too far in the other direction and we're a bunch of braying jackasses with nothing interesting to say. This week I tried something a little different because I didn't have too much to say about The Last Exorcism other than "Yeah it's pretty good, check it out." Ironically, it's probably closer to what we ought to be doing more of anyway. V  V
|
|
#
?
Sep 3, 2010 02:56
|
|
|
Montague Smythe is a completely legitimate film critic and I'm not just saying that because he has a knife to my throat.
|
|
#
?
Sep 4, 2010 22:30
|
|
|
I like the reviews and read them whenever one of the films interests me. One of my favorite quotes on SA was from a review a couple weeks ago: "Who do I trust, the ad executives who always lie to me, or the general public, who is always wrong?" Words of wisdom.
|
|
#
?
Sep 5, 2010 17:24
|
|
|
I found Jay Dub's comparison of The American to Eat, Pray, Love to be accurate, considering that I almost saw the latter but ended up with the former on my recent movie date. Turns out that I was taking the same pill. That's not a knock against The American either, as I did like it and so did my date.
|
|
#
?
Sep 7, 2010 01:39
|
|
|
Y-Hat posted:I found Jay Dub's comparison of The American to Eat, Pray, Love to be accurate, considering that I almost saw the latter but ended up with the former on my recent movie date. Turns out that I was taking the same pill. 1) That was Vargo, not Jay Dub. 2) You are such a pimp.
|
|
#
?
Sep 7, 2010 09:31
|
|
|
ProfessorClumsy posted:1) That was Vargo, not Jay Dub. I wasn't gonna say anything... 
|
|
#
?
Sep 7, 2010 14:33
|
|
|
Admittedly I'm not the kind of person who wanders the internet like a lonely ghost reading film reviews, and if I do it's for stuff I'm planning on spending money on, but I read Current Releases every week. I thoroughly enjoy it, and actively look forward to it. Try not to take it too hard that this is coming from a guy who thought "Hitlazers" was a funny and clever joke.
|
|
#
?
Sep 10, 2010 09:40
|
|
|
Wandering the internet... ...like a lonely ghost.
|
|
#
?
Sep 10, 2010 13:28
|
|
|
Just wanted to post my appreciation for Prof. Clumsy's breakdown of the confusing action in Resident Evil: Afterlife. I haven't seen it, and don't intend to, but if I did then I'm 90% certain that poo poo would bother me, and 100% certain I'd have trouble articulating why. I feel I'm terrible at explicitly noticing most dumb poo poo in movies; if I do notice it's usually expressed as a general dislike. Reading analysis such as this one helps me to be a more alert and critical viewer, which is nice.
|
|
#
?
Sep 12, 2010 10:28
|
|
|
ProfessorClumsy posted:Wandering the internet... *For the Ghost that Surfs!
|
|
#
?
Sep 12, 2010 14:40
|
|
|
Discount Viscount posted:Just wanted to post my appreciation for Prof. Clumsy's breakdown of the confusing action in Resident Evil: Afterlife. I haven't seen it, and don't intend to, but if I did then I'm 90% certain that poo poo would bother me, and 100% certain I'd have trouble articulating why. I feel I'm terrible at explicitly noticing most dumb poo poo in movies; if I do notice it's usually expressed as a general dislike. Reading analysis such as this one helps me to be a more alert and critical viewer, which is nice.
|
|
#
?
Sep 12, 2010 19:09
|
|
|
Johnny Walker posted:On another note, I now want to see Winter's Bone, a film until now I had never heard of. Maybe you guys should work in more lesser-known movies every once in a while. Not every week or anything, since I doubt many would find that all that entertaining, but it's something to consider. I'd love to review more of the lesser-known stuff, but that's entirely up to the theater managers and whether or not they decide to schedule a talking animal movie that week. Speaking of which, the only reason RE: Afterlife is numerically worse than Marmaduke is because...um...well I guess I was feeling generous that day?
|
|
#
?
Sep 13, 2010 04:01
|
|
|
I can throw together a review of Get Low, another festival circuit favorite from this year if we ever need one. I really enjoyed that film, and would like to write on it.
|
|
#
?
Sep 13, 2010 04:47
|
|
|
Oh boy...quote:EDITOR'S NOTE: When Satan is near, strange and terrible things transpire: Children bang their heads on the sharp edges of tabletops; toast falls to the floor jelly-side first; awful, ridiculous movies get positive reviews! -- Garbage Day I'm never going to live this one down, am I?
|
|
#
?
Sep 22, 2010 18:37
|
|
|
Dear real film critics, It is entirely possible, and indeed quite easy, to write a full review of Legend of the Guardians: The Owls of Ga'Hoole without making a single owl-related pun. Yours Truly, Current Releases
|
|
#
?
Sep 26, 2010 18:53
|
|
|
Jay Dub posted:Dear real film critics, IT'S A HOOT!
|
|
#
?
Sep 28, 2010 23:49
|
|
|
One of your reviews encouraged me to see The Expendables, I was sort of on the fence about it, not sure how something like that was going to turn out, but after reading your review it seemed like the kind of movie I might enjoy, and I took the plunge and enjoyed myself, so thanks! Still a little upset that Stone Cold didn't Stunner anyone though 
|
|
#
?
Oct 1, 2010 07:48
|
|
|
I thought he did his signature move during his fight with Stallone? Maybe I'm remembering it wrong.
|
|
#
?
Oct 1, 2010 07:57
|
|
|
Maybe I just missed it because of shakycam.
|
|
#
?
Oct 1, 2010 11:57
|
|
|
Why no review of 'It's Kind of a Funny Story'? You guys are the only critics I trust anymore so I need your help deciding if it's worth heading out to one of the limited release theaters.
|
|
#
?
Oct 11, 2010 21:10
|
|
|
Provolone posted:Why no review of 'It's Kind of a Funny Story'? You guys are the only critics I trust anymore so I need your help deciding if it's worth heading out to one of the limited release theaters. No one got assigned it this week, that's all. However, I saw it anyway, and I thought it was pretty good. Zach Galifinakis does David Bowie, so that should be your ticket right there.
|
|
#
?
Oct 14, 2010 07:24
|
|
|
So, I'm writing one of my professors to see if I can count the Current Releases writing gig as internship credit. I need to pick 2-4 of my reviews to send him as writing samples. I haven't done a whole lot, so it's kind of easy, but does anyone have any suggestions which ones I should pick?
|
|
#
?
Nov 9, 2010 02:04
|
|
|
Wow, you weren't joking around in the bad greenlighted movies thread, ProfessorClumsy. I guess you really did like Skyline. Granted, you looked at it from a different lens than practically everyone else, but still. Vargo, I can't help you, sorry. Perhaps ask the good folks in CineD?
|
|
#
?
Nov 15, 2010 10:19
|
|
|
It's cool, the other CR writers helped me out. I'm actually probably going to see Skyline now on Clumsy's review. I wound up agreeing with him on Devil, so I'm willing to give him the benefit of the doubt.
|
|
#
?
Nov 15, 2010 19:51
|
|
|
I enjoyed doing this. I should note that this photo is actually me.
|
|
#
?
Nov 16, 2010 07:50
|
|
|
the posted:I enjoyed doing this. On the left.
|
|
#
?
Nov 16, 2010 15:40
|
|
|
We regret to inform you this week that due to Clumsy's To make up for this, we bring you a special treat: A message from the future from Donovan Laird, a look into the mind and personalities of insanity with Montague "Legally Sane" Smythe, and a straightforward, probably mediocre review from Martin R. "Vargo" Schneider.
|
|
#
?
Nov 21, 2010 08:04
|
|
|
Vargo posted:We regret to inform you this week that due to Clumsy's Marty Schneider: The Public Face of Current Releases
|
|
#
?
Nov 21, 2010 18:29
|
|
|
Vargo posted:A message from the future from Donovan Laird What the gently caress, how the hell do you know that? Is Gmail's time-o-gram feature out of beta yet or something? I thought I was special. 
|
|
#
?
Nov 21, 2010 21:10
|
|
|
I'm the public face of Current Releases. I know everything.
|
|
#
?
Nov 21, 2010 21:29
|
|
|
|
| # ? Apr 24, 2024 07:11 |
|
|
Jay Dub posted:What the gently caress, how the hell do you know that? Is Gmail's time-o-gram feature out of beta yet or something? Vargo is actually caught in an infinite time loop. He's experienced this several times already.
|
|
#
?
Nov 21, 2010 22:45
|
|