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Vargo
Dec 27, 2008

like a record baby

TheBigBudgetSequel posted:

Clumsy removing positive things from a review of Wolverine.

Those were my thoughts on the matter, as well.

For those of you who don't know, Clumsy is the one human being on the planet who liked the hell out of that film.

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Grin and Tonic
Oct 20, 2008

having a blast online

I'm glad someone else though Super 8 was pretty hollow and pandering. Not a completely terrible film but I was really bored about halfway through because I've seen every Spielberg movie ever and it felt like every beat was really easy to see coming. My dumb gay friends think it's the greatest movie ever, but they all though Inception was super high-brow,as well, so...

John Dyne
Jul 3, 2005

Well, fuck. Seriously?


Vargo posted:

For those of you who don't know, Clumsy is the one human being on the planet who liked the hell out of that film.

Hey now I liked the hell out of that film.

I still made fun of its goofiness, but I certainly liked and enjoyed it!

Professor Clumsy
Sep 12, 2008

It is a while still till Sunrise - and in the daytime I sleep, my dear fellow, I sleep the very deepest of sleeps...


Even Garbage Day has backed me up on Wolverine. There's a revolution coming.

TheBigBudgetSequel
Nov 25, 2008

It's not who I am underneath, but what I do that defines me.


ProfessorClumsy posted:

Even Garbage Day has backed me up on Wolverine. There's a revolution coming.

A revolution of utter poo poo scripts, Hugh Jackman trying too hard, and helicopters exploding twice.

Professor Clumsy
Sep 12, 2008

It is a while still till Sunrise - and in the daytime I sleep, my dear fellow, I sleep the very deepest of sleeps...


W. Austell posted:

On Vargo's "Judy Moody" review: "What child in his right mind goes out of his way to spend more time around clowns?" Any child who lives in reality and not the world of teenager cliches.
Please skip such lame trendy gags. The "scared of clowns" idea has never been funny ever and you totally shoehorned this joke into the article.
I know some people are complaining about "straight" movie reviews on a comedy site, but it's better to be 100% serious than to resort to such hackneyed folderol. Sure, 14-year-olds love it, the hot topic crowd loves it, but you can do better. Don't stoop so low.
-Wendell Austell

My response posted:

Are you a clown?

Wendy the Clown posted:

Although I've considered going to clown school someday, I as yet have no vested interest in protecting the clown public image. I'm just saying my 2 cents because I've seen people toss out "kids sure are scared of clowns" a billion times for cheap laughs.
And clowns are generally OK dudes, you can give 'em a chance despite trendy gags.

We offended a wannabe clown.

goatface
Dec 5, 2007

I had a video of that when I was about 6.

I remember it being shit.


Well done.

Shmorky
Nov 6, 2002

IT'S TIM

ProfessorClumsy posted:

We offended a wannabe clown.

"Although I've considered going to clown school someday,"

I want this posted on a 100 foot wide sign.

or just a really fat guy to wear it on a t-shirt and walk around town.

Jay Dub
Jul 27, 2009

I'm not listening
to youuuuu...


In looking up the word 'shoehorn' to make sure they were using it right, I wound up on the Wikipedia page for shoehorns, which includes the following example:

'"I shoehorned President Carter the other night", said the boy.'

Just thought I'd share.

TheBigBudgetSequel
Nov 25, 2008

It's not who I am underneath, but what I do that defines me.


ProfessorClumsy posted:

We offended a wannabe clown.

I may have located a picture of our dear reader.

Vargo
Dec 27, 2008

like a record baby

As I posted on our Facebook page:
‎Martin R Vargo Schneider would like to extend a sincere apology to any members of the Clown-American community he may have offended with last week's review. I realize now that it was insensitive of me to tarnish your reputation more than John Wayne Gacy, IT, and the Insane Clown Posse already have. Please continue your fine work in the art of cream pie and seltzer water-based comedy.

Phoenixan
Jan 16, 2010

Just keep Cool-idge.

I was so excited for the Green Lantern movie when I first saw the trailers. Now I read the review and see this image:

This image with his head almost appearing to float on top of a suit, with face a... strange cross between an angry face and a confused look.

Now I'm not so sure about this anymore.

(Also, this image makes me wonder if Green Lantern could somehow be incorporated into a Painkiller-clone, and I don't see their licensed video game doing this.)

Nucular Carmul
Jan 26, 2005

Melongenidae incantatrix

I like Professor Clumsy's reviews because I tend to enjoy superhero movies, but sometimes I think about it later and realize something was missing or wrong, and he tells me why. I tend to turn off my brain for them because I just want to see how they bring the comics to live action, so it's kinda neat to understand why I should hate it

Vargo
Dec 27, 2008

like a record baby

Phoenixan posted:

I was so excited for the Green Lantern movie when I first saw the trailers. Now I read the review and see this image:

This image with his head almost appearing to float on top of a suit, with face a... strange cross between an angry face and a confused look.

Now I'm not so sure about this anymore.

(Also, this image makes me wonder if Green Lantern could somehow be incorporated into a Painkiller-clone, and I don't see their licensed video game doing this.)

What's funny about this is that I didn't think Green Lantern was very good either, but I disagree with Clumsy on a lot of his points. He believes the film took itself too seriously and therefore the jokes were lost, whereas I feel the film was good when it was embracing its silliness for the most fart and the worst scenes where when it tried to be serious.

For what it's worth, I'd say it's worth a rental if you're not the type who sees movies in theaters all the time. It's certainly not great, has terrible pacing problems and a stupid main villain in Parallax, but there are a lot of fun moments in it and it's not deserving of the absolute thrashing it's taking in reviews right now.

Nucular Carmul
Jan 26, 2005

Melongenidae incantatrix

Vargo posted:

t, whereas I feel the film was good when it was embracing its silliness for the most fart and the worst scenes where when it tried to be serious.

Quotin this before you edit it out.

Vargo
Dec 27, 2008

like a record baby

Nucular Carmul posted:

Quotin this before you edit it out.

Well, now I just can't.

garbage day
Jun 13, 2008

im lollin at you're trollin


Vargo posted:

the film was good when it was embracing its silliness for the most fart

those letters aren't even close together

also 'mr. poppers' was clearly the most fart movie this week; edited the intro to alert readers to this fact, stopped short of making a "most fart movie of the week" graphic.

Jay Dub
Jul 27, 2009

I'm not listening
to youuuuu...


Garbage Day posted:

those letters aren't even close together

also 'mr. poppers' was clearly the most fart movie this week; edited the intro to alert readers to this fact, stopped short of making a "most fart movie of the week" graphic.

I think that can be arranged for future columns, though.

Paging BigBudgetSequel to the Current Releases office. BigBudgetSequel to the office.

Professor Clumsy
Sep 12, 2008

It is a while still till Sunrise - and in the daytime I sleep, my dear fellow, I sleep the very deepest of sleeps...


Isn't Marmaduke the most fart movie of the year?

Jay Dub
Jul 27, 2009

I'm not listening
to youuuuu...


The farts in Marmaduke are sooo 2010.

Senior Woodchuck
Aug 29, 2006

When you're lost out there and you're all alone, a light is waiting to carry you home


Phoenixan posted:

I was so excited for the Green Lantern movie when I first saw the trailers. Now I read the review and see this image:

This image with his head almost appearing to float on top of a suit, with face a... strange cross between an angry face and a confused look.

Now I'm not so sure about this anymore.

(Also, this image makes me wonder if Green Lantern could somehow be incorporated into a Painkiller-clone, and I don't see their licensed video game doing this.)

What really interested me about the Green Lantern review is that its criticisms about the movie are the same as my criticisms about the current comics.

TheBigBudgetSequel
Nov 25, 2008

It's not who I am underneath, but what I do that defines me.


Jay Dub posted:

Paging BigBudgetSequel to the Current Releases office. BigBudgetSequel to the office.

I'll see what I can whip up.

Schwarzwald
Jul 27, 2004

「Thunder Crash!!」


One of the best things about this column is hearing about movies you never knew about and then learning that they're awful.
This weeks column was the first I ever heard about the movie Beaver, and at first I was surprised that I hadn't managed to hear about a new Mel Gibson movie. After I read the review I felt vindicated in my ignorance.

Professor Clumsy
Sep 12, 2008

It is a while still till Sunrise - and in the daytime I sleep, my dear fellow, I sleep the very deepest of sleeps...


The Beaver was ready for release quite some time ago, but it was held back because of the eruption of bad press surrounding Mel Gibson. Or so we're told. I honestly think they held it back because they knew it was so loving bad.

The Moon Monster
Dec 30, 2005
THIS CUSTOM TITLE WILL COME IN HANDY WHILE LURKING


I just read the latest reviews and it made me wonder if anyone at all was looking forward to Bad Teacher. The previews made it look like the entire movie was "some woman bullies a bunch of 12 year olds". Fun.

Anyway, current releases is probably my favorite frontpage feature, keep it up.

Jay Dub
Jul 27, 2009

I'm not listening
to youuuuu...


The Moon Monster posted:

I just read the latest reviews and it made me wonder if anyone at all was looking forward to Bad Teacher. The previews made it look like the entire movie was "some woman bullies a bunch of 12 year olds". Fun.

Anyway, current releases is probably my favorite frontpage feature, keep it up.

I kinda forgot to mention that in my review. There's relatively little "Cameron Diaz bullies a bunch of 12 year olds". Mostly she just bullies adults. Kids are almost entirely incidental to the story, despite rigging test scores being a central plot point. You could have substituted just about any profession and it would've been the same film.

Dectilon
Aug 15, 2008

Remember that thou wast a servant in the land of LP, and that the Lord thy Master brought thee out thence through mighty balls and a stretched out dive.
Dectilon 5:15


Sorry, but I don't think you do a very convincing 8-year old

Professor Clumsy
Sep 12, 2008

It is a while still till Sunrise - and in the daytime I sleep, my dear fellow, I sleep the very deepest of sleeps...


Dectilon posted:

Sorry, but I don't think you do a very convincing 8-year old

That's because Vargo is only 6.

Y-Hat
Feb 10, 2007

I'll get you, I'll burn you, I'll crush you, I'll flush you down, down
The toilet where you'll spiral around, round
Awwww tick... tick tick tick


Jay Dub, I met the perfect girl for you at the bar the other day. She doesn't like talking animals because they freak her out.

Unfortunately she was engaged to the guy she was sitting next to.

Professor Clumsy
Sep 12, 2008

It is a while still till Sunrise - and in the daytime I sleep, my dear fellow, I sleep the very deepest of sleeps...


Y-Hat posted:

Unfortunately she was engaged to the guy she was sitting next to.

Didn't stop infamous pussy magnet Y-Hat though.

Jay Dub
Jul 27, 2009

I'm not listening
to youuuuu...


Y-Hat posted:

Jay Dub, I met the perfect girl for you at the bar the other day. She doesn't like talking animals because they freak her out.

Unfortunately she was engaged to the guy she was sitting next to.

Her and every other girl I've ever met.

TheBigBudgetSequel
Nov 25, 2008

It's not who I am underneath, but what I do that defines me.


ProfessorClumsy posted:

Didn't stop infamous pussy magnet Y-Hat though.

Sha-zinnnnng.

Score one to the Professor.

Nucular Carmul
Jan 26, 2005

Melongenidae incantatrix

I liked the eight year old character for the Transformers review, mostly because I think being reviewed by an eight year old is about as much respect as that series deserves at this point.

Y-Hat
Feb 10, 2007

I'll get you, I'll burn you, I'll crush you, I'll flush you down, down
The toilet where you'll spiral around, round
Awwww tick... tick tick tick


I am pumped for the upcoming Zookeeper review.

Vargo
Dec 27, 2008

like a record baby

I'm actually considering taking next week off so that we can just have two pages of Jay Dub screaming.

EDIT: ooh, Horrible Bosses! Everyone remember what happened last time I met Jason Bateman and Jennifer Aniston?

Vargo fucked around with this message at Jul 4, 2011 around 06:35

Humbug Scoolbus
Apr 25, 2008

The scarlet letter was her passport into regions where other women dared not tread. Shame, Despair, Solitude! These had been her teachers, stern and wild ones, and they had made her strong, but taught her much amiss.


Jay Dub screaming always starts my week out right.

Jay Dub
Jul 27, 2009

I'm not listening
to youuuuu...


Y-Hat posted:

I am pumped for the upcoming Zookeeper review.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lsU1t2vkURg

I'm ready.

Clamknuckle
Sep 7, 2006

Greatest Survivor ever!
Deal with it bitches!!!

Tom Hanks came out during a Julia Roberts interview on Letterman and the intense dislike between them was obvious. Glad to see it made it into the movie as well. Julia must be a huge bitch to not get along with Tom Hanks.

Professor Clumsy
Sep 12, 2008

It is a while still till Sunrise - and in the daytime I sleep, my dear fellow, I sleep the very deepest of sleeps...


Clamknuckle posted:

Tom Hanks came out

That explains a lot.

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Bedevere
Jun 24, 2005


It's me, I'm the goon who posts more in Front Page Discussion than in his fitness log.


Wait till his wife finds out!

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