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Influence100
Jul 29, 2007



I apologize if I should be in Ask/Tell for this thread... but I felt I'd get an accurater answer from GBS. Do they? Get buried standing up? Somebody told me this at a company Christmas party tonight, and I believed them. I got home and asked a Jewish friend who said no, and seemed mildly offended. I went to GOOGLE and it told me this:

"Yes because they say that when they die they go to a man with a boat who will take them to where they want to go and they have to pay the man so if they are buried standing up the money wont fall out of their pockets."

Any Joons out there want to confirm this? This is not meant to be offensive in any way... This was honestly said to me tonight, and I believed, because, I had never been taught otherwise. Teach me GBS. Photoshop diagrams may help.

(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)

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Pon de Bundy
Dec 29, 2006




The not so subtle and subtle Anti-Semite bias here is hilarious.

CruJones
Feb 22, 2006

Its okay. Hes just admiring the shape of your skull.

Pon de Bundy posted:

The not so subtle and subtle Anti-Semite bias here is hilarious.

"Joons." Heh.

mr. mephistopheles
Dec 2, 2009





E: I mean, I'm sure the one site you checked was good, but there appear to be a few.

Regiscake
May 17, 2009


On their heads.

Patter Song
Mar 26, 2010

Hereby it is manifest that during the time men live without a common power to keep them all in awe, they are in that condition which is called war; and such a war as is of every man against every man.

In case this was serious, no. Jews are supposed to be buried (laying down) ASAP, within 2-3 days of death. Strict Jews prohibit cremation (though Reform Jews tend to be cool with it) and most Jewish cemeteries will not allow you to be buried if you have a tattoo.

Mechafunkzilla
Sep 11, 2006

''I post every day of my life as they have never posted a day in theirs.''


So basically what you're asking us to do is make you photoshops of dead Jews being buried vertically? Is this a sex thing for you?

Senor Tron
May 25, 2006



What the Christ? Moses?

HogX
Aug 16, 2008



As a jew I can say no, we do not get buried standing up. We're buried as quickly as possible, but that happens in a laying-down position.



Also burn all the pork.

scarymonkey
Jul 15, 2003

by angerbeet


As a Jew I can field this question. Yes we get buried upright otherwise we can't rise as the undead and take our rightful place in the national banks and Hollywood.

Stealthgerbil
Dec 15, 2004


This thread is pretty odd :P

Why would jews get buried standing up? I have never even heard of this before.

Yeticopter
Nov 19, 2004

Everybody's favorite urban legend, now airborne.

Why yes, it makes perfect sense that an ancient religious ritual is based on the premise that Jewish people don't want money to fall from their pockets on the way to the afterlife. What are you, retarded?

Millstone
Dec 20, 2007

iPaaaaaahd

only if a Joon dies in June

Pon de Bundy
Dec 29, 2006




As a Muslim, I can confirm I saw on Palestinian television that Jews don't die, they just drink Palestinian blood. (Sadly this is not far from what some people actually believe)

HogX
Aug 16, 2008



Pon de Bundy posted:

As a Muslim, I can confirm I saw on Palestinian television that Jews don't die, they just drink Palestinian blood. (Sadly this is not far from what some people actually believe)

That is totally incorrect. We drink Palestinian blood ONLY when we're eating Christian babies. Like red wine with meat

Tane
Feb 27, 2005



gently caress you.

Byzantine
Sep 1, 2007

I admit the deed! Tear up the planks, here! Here, the shining of his hideous teeth!


Influence100 posted:

"Yes because they say that when they die they go to a man with a boat who will take them to where they want to go and they have to pay the man so if they are buried standing up the money wont fall out of their pockets."

That would be Charon, the ferryman for the River Styx in Greek myth. Ancient Greeks were buried with a coin in their mouths to pay him, lest they be forced to wander on the wrong bank of the Styx for a hundred years.

But no, that's not part of the Jewish tradition.

Millstone
Dec 20, 2007

iPaaaaaahd

titfucking posted:

gently caress you.

oh no, here comes "titfucking" from the Internet to give you the what-for.

HogX
Aug 16, 2008



Byzantine posted:

That would be Charon, the ferryman for the River Styx in Greek myth. Ancient Greeks were buried with a coin in their mouths to pay him, lest they be forced to wander on the wrong bank of the Styx for a hundred years.

But no, that's not part of the Jewish tradition.

I thought the coins were put over the eyes. Huh. I learned something. Unlike the OP, that racist bitchass.

wacky
Jun 19, 2008

by Ozmaugh


Jews do have some interesting burial rites though. For example, Jews are wrapped in a white tunic, unlike other religions where you are buried in your Sunday best. Honestly, which is cooler? Wearing the fancypants clothes of the living to your grave or the heavenly white robes one would expect?

OJ.SImpson
Jan 20, 2001



"Not embalmed"

HEATHENS! I want to be preserved like that hot dog i found in an abandoned RV's refridgerator so future generations can enjoy my meaty goodness.

Hydrogen Oxide
Jan 16, 2006
H2Woah


I bury jews in mass graves.

JoeCL
Jul 28, 2009

Wait! I have more things to say.

I all of a sudden have an urge to create a thread asking is it's true that black people can't swim. I don't know why though...

HogX
Aug 16, 2008



Hydrogen Oxide posted:

I bury jews in mass graves.

God drat it, Hitler's here. drat it Hitler, we're sick of you just crashing our threads. No one likes you, Hitler!

Byzantine
Sep 1, 2007

I admit the deed! Tear up the planks, here! Here, the shining of his hideous teeth!


Bash Ironfist posted:

I thought the coins were put over the eyes. Huh. I learned something. Unlike the OP, that racist bitchass.

After further checking, apparently it could be either way. As long as you had the money, I guess it didn't matter.

HighClassSwankyTime
Jan 16, 2004


FYI, jews are part of a global conspiracy to take over the world with kosher food and maffia hats.

theangryamoeba
Sep 26, 2008


Patter Song posted:

In case this was serious, no. Jews are supposed to be buried (laying down) ASAP, within 2-3 days of death. Strict Jews prohibit cremation (though Reform Jews tend to be cool with it) and most Jewish cemeteries will not allow you to be buried if you have a tattoo.

What about holocaust survivors?

Away all Goats
Jul 5, 2005
Back from the dead

Jews actually get buried sideways

edit: no wait I'm thinking of Asians

Doctor Chef
Nov 3, 2005
"Clothes Pigs?"

^^^ Ah, to be mistakenly buried alive in ancient Greece only to choke to death by your family's prayers that you'll be safe in the afterlife.

Wet Bandits Copycat
Apr 18, 2004



gently caress you.

Batham
Jun 19, 2010

Cluster bombing from B-52s is very, very accurate. The bombs are guaranteed to always hit the ground.


Why aren't we burying Joons upwards? seems a more appropriate question.

THA TITTY THRILLER
Jan 1, 2007

I look like I just finished a set at Lilith Fair.


CONFIRM/DENY: Atheists are buried bent at the waist to make perfect 90 angles.

HighClassSwankyTime
Jan 16, 2004


Worst Case Ontario posted:

CONFIRM/DENY: Atheists are buried bent at the waist to make perfect 90 angles.

100% true.

cthulusnewzulubbq
Jan 26, 2009

I saw something
NASTY
in the woodshed.


True. But only if the Jew gets captured by Indians (the feather kind).

Batham
Jun 19, 2010

Cluster bombing from B-52s is very, very accurate. The bombs are guaranteed to always hit the ground.


Worst Case Ontario posted:

CONFIRM/DENY: Atheists are buried bent at the waist to make perfect 90 angles.
Only when they catch us.

DEAD MAN'S SHOE
Nov 23, 2003

We will become evil and the stars will come alive

You have confused Jews with Chinese Vampires. Pretty easy mistake

guitartanic
May 23, 2003

This city deserves a better class of crapatar.


Fossilized ancient Jews:


Click here for the full 1000x725 image.

BART IM PISS
Aug 4, 2010
Probation
Can't post for 3409 days!


Joon bugs....

Jews are frugal

Sgt. Anime Pederast
Apr 17, 2001

Superior Original Forte

Patter Song posted:

In case this was serious, no. Jews are supposed to be buried (laying down) ASAP, within 2-3 days of death. Strict Jews prohibit cremation (though Reform Jews tend to be cool with it) and most Jewish cemeteries will not allow you to be buried if you have a tattoo.

What did they do with holocaust survivors then?

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Pato
Mar 15, 2006
Duck

They probably let the survivors go on their merry way. I mean it would suck to survive that whole thing only to be buried afterward no?

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