Dr. Hurt posted:

It's all a quote from an old article from 2006. Abe links it in his post, so not all of this is his going nuts. This certainly will be a thread to follow though.

TheDownwardDog posted:

I mean I dunno how long these posts have to be or anything but I honestly only really check porn because my sexual imagination is so crippled.

Like I actually regret spending my whole childhood jerking off to porn all the time because I honestly have the worst concept of sex to the point where I don't even know what the gently caress I want to have sexual fantasies about.

Like that's just lame. Like you have so many options when you're looking at porn. Like "RED HEADS". But I'm also really sheltered in social interaction too. I wish I wasn't constantly so grounded in reality because I can escape from fantasy in pretty much any situation other than sex.

Like it's just holes to me now. Like honestly. That's the thing. It's horrible. Sometimes I'm like "WE SHOULD BE ABLE TO HAVE SEX WITH A ROBOT WE PROGRAM HOW IT SHOULD gently caress"

but is that living. IS THAT LIVING

I dunno. I guess I've been spending my whole life growing into being this type of person but I'm sure more of us than we admit have at least a little bit. Or we're good at lying to ourselves and saying otherwise. That's not even the point though. The point is that I'm pretty sheltered in my home enviorment. It's partially somewhat tenatively defined as voluntarily though. In the same way that refusing to drink drips of beer in the cans before you throw them out is a voluntary abstinence. But yeah. Really tiny existence I have.

What's also annoying is that with porn or the internet I've begun to meet people with personalities in my dreams. Sometimes they're recurring. And they ALWAYS tell me how I've seen them before because the brain can't think of a face.

But considering how much porn I watch, that's absolutely horrifying.

But yeah. Currently seeking 18 year old busty broad. Gapped Teeth need not apply.

TheDownwardDog posted:

i'm a male who desperately wants to be a feminist but is terrified to even read the first post or any of the posts afterwards because women in a group scare me. also i'm not going to check if i get any replies but i want to say that i try and be aware of gender differences in my own reality as much as possible and understand people as individuals while still taking into account who they are as a person. when women hate me just for being a man it hurts me inside but luckily it only really happens on the internet. sometimes i act sexist and i make comments but deep down inside i really want to hug a woman and hold her and love her even for the parts of being a woman that she's more proud of than i am. please dont read that too literally because i know sometimes people get belligerent. i didnt even post this to try and change anything i'm just saying that i really do believe in feminism but i dont think that feminism and misogyny have to go hand in hand. that's all though i dont want to gently caress with the hivemind

also i am aware this post is funny in front of a strong feminst's point of view and i actually respect that please do not step on me i am the castrated male ideal

sorry that was a joke i dont really know what i'm talking about oh god im out of here

(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)

Ola posted:

At supersonic speeds, you can't hear the profanities until the runner has passed. Then you hear the swearwave with a doppler tail. SHIThellgently caressrear end_balls

TheDownwardDog posted:

It's partially somewhat tenatively defined as voluntarily though.

Darth123123 posted:

Is there an ATV thread? Like to ask questions about my wench, etc.

Woz My Neg rear end posted:

General ATV questions probably belong in the motorcycle subforum of Automotive Insanity.

Questions about your wench go in E/N.

Crimsonjewfro posted:

The bolded parts seems to be all his, though. The suggestions are all gold, but what makes me crack up, really, is imagining him casually screaming I HATE PEE.




Late edit, just so that I don't have to doublepost to add content:

A delightful incoming E/N trainwreck!


...who also (poo poo-)posted in this thread:

Ashenai posted:

TheDownwardDog posted:

I wish I wasn't constantly so grounded in reality

I have some good news for you

Refind Chaos posted:

I live 900 miles from my Parents and my general non-immediate family. For the last 13 years my Mom has been fighting many forms of cancer, and in the last couple of months her health has wained severely. She's basically quadriplegic at this point due to the various cancers in her spine, brain, and various other parts of her body. Late yesterday afternoon (12/7/2012) my sister called me and told me that our Mom has been hospitalized and has refused any further cancer treatment. I found out earlier today that our Mom has been hospitalized mostly due to a moderate case of pneumonia. Mind you this is a direct result of a tumor growing in her neck that has been squeezing her esophagus. Less than an hour ago my sister asked me to call our Dad at his request (my Dad and I don't talk too often other than holidays, and birthdays and he never asks me to call him ever.) I can only assume this means my Dad is sure that my Mom is at the end of life.

The issue is I am not financially able to make the trip, and although my family has said they would help with the costs for me to drive down there I have problems beyond the financial cost. I'm not confident, as a matter of fact almost sure it won't, my only vehicle is capable of making the trip at all. I have a family, 3 kids and a wife, as well and although I have no real qualms about checking my children out of school for such an emergency I would have to leave my wife here lest she lose her job. Finances really are the least of my concerns, but it is the other over arching problems that concern me about making the trip to see my Mom before she dies.

The worst part of all of this is it all comes right before the holidays and would more greatly tax our already tight budget. On the other hand my expanded family seems pretty sure that my Mom will not make it to Christmas, and I really feel that I need to see her at least once more before she dies. I'm completely torn on how to handle the situation and on what to do.

I don't really expect any kind of "tell me what to do" responses, but I just feel the need to lay out my current state of affairs, and just vent.

Thank you for taking the time to read this.

Fast Backward posted:

Oh man, I can't stop laughing at how you spelled dying wrong. Sorry aobut your mom or whatever though.

(USER WAS BANNED FOR THIS POST)

MrGreenShirt posted:

It would've been useful to mention that the thread title is Mom possibly in the hospital dieing.

Parpy posted:

GSC's vision



Every modern day publisher's vision

Fishmasher posted:

Can I build someone a computer and mix a drop of something like fart-scented oil with the thermal compound, so their computer will smell like a hot turd for all eternity?

minato posted:

Cyrai posted:

It's an interesting storytelling technique, one that I haven't really seen before. Is there any other story or series that does something similar, something that tells a story through a bunch of individual points out of a much larger universe?

Snollygoster posted:

*George R. R. Martin fan stands up, draws breath to speak, and is pelted to death by shoes*

Seonin posted:

Snollygoster posted:

*George R. R. Martin fan stands up, sits back down panting heavily*

Crimsonjewfro posted:

I have a request.

It's a post I remember seeing from some goon who went to a party, got drunk and stoned, went to the bathroom to take a poo poo, started masturbating and ended up cumming, making GBS threads and throwing up on himself all at once, while leaving the bathroom door open. I remember some other goon had even made a .gif to illustrate it too.

Crimsonjewfro posted:

I have a request.

It's a post I remember seeing from some goon who went to a party, got drunk and stoned, went to the bathroom to take a poo poo, started masturbating and ended up cumming, making GBS threads and throwing up on himself all at once, while leaving the bathroom door open. I remember some other goon had even made a .gif to illustrate it too.

Yeticopter posted:

It's in the goldmine, but all the images are down. I believe it's the same goon that perpetrated the "keyboard goop" thread. It was a wonderful series of MSPaints, definitely makes my top 10 of SA.

Sleekly posted:

I was linked to that ages ago, it was on a bodybuilding site by some dude called Malodrax. I don't know if he re-posted it or what but here it is. I'm seeing photobucket views exceeded warnings in place of the MS Paints though

Sleekly posted:

I was linked to that ages ago, it was on a bodybuilding site by some dude called Malodrax. I don't know if he re-posted it or what but here it is. I'm seeing photobucket views exceeded warnings in place of the MS Paints though

Saints Crow posted:

Those are (unbelievably) 2 separate stories. One was a dude who went to a girl's house w/o his pee bottles and had to poo poo in her shower, then turned it on and she freaked out, and then she found him trying to push it down into her shower and he ran out as she called the cops.

The other was a guy who was a now recovering drug addict/alcoholic, went to a party, gave in to drinking/drugs when he had been trying to get sober, went to take a poo poo, then got really horny, jacked off, and the feeling made him nauseous, so he puked on himself, fell forward and poo poo everywhere, and came at the same time. Then he realized that he left the door open and everyone had been yelling at him, including the hot chick he went to the party for.

EFB, bit more detail.

drahma posted:

I run slow

I work in the social services, and a lot of the people we work with have a lot of regrets. I've asked our case managers to have their clients come out and watch me run. I run so slow, time run backwards. As I waddle along, your life runs in reverse. Scars becomes wounds become chances to exercise better judgement. I run slow.

Like most people, I enjoy running in the mornings, before it gets to hot. Unlike most people, I've been pushed over by a squirrel.

I run slow. Sometimes when I am running, I think of those zen fountains that absorb a drip drip drip of water down a bamboo tube before finally tipping over and dumping their contents into a pool. Each step I take is another drip. I think, that fountain would call me a pussy.

I run slow. But I know where I have been.

Six months ago, I didn't run.

Six months ago, I had heartburn bad enough to keep me from sleeping through the night. Six months ago, I felt like I needed to go to sleep at 2pm. And six months ago, running felt impossible.

I run slow, and I have ways to go. But I can sleep. I feel alive. I can run two, slow, miles. Slowly.

Sometimes I get discouraged. I compare where I am to where other people are. But all that matters is where I am compared to where I was.

Once something good becomes something you are going to do for the rest of your life, the pace becomes less important. I know that my drip drip drip will amount to that deluge, eventually. Someday I will run 3 miles, slowly.

tourgon posted:

The first story in gif form: http://i.imgur.com/WxJHq.gif

and the second story from this topic in the goldmine: bodily fluids disaster story

Phthisis posted:

I just want to post "I run slowly" again because it's great and gets requested every once in a while.

Saints Crow posted:

Those are (unbelievably) 2 separate stories. One was a dude who went to a girl's house w/o his pee bottles and had to poo poo in her shower, then turned it on and she freaked out, and then she found him trying to push it down into her shower and he ran out as she called the cops.

The other was a guy who was a now recovering drug addict/alcoholic, went to a party, gave in to drinking/drugs when he had been trying to get sober, went to take a poo poo, then got really horny, jacked off, and the feeling made him nauseous, so he puked on himself, fell forward and poo poo everywhere, and came at the same time. Then he realized that he left the door open and everyone had been yelling at him, including the hot chick he went to the party for.

EFB, bit more detail.

tourgon posted:

The first story in gif form: http://i.imgur.com/WxJHq.gif

and the second story from this topic in the goldmine: bodily fluids disaster story

Saints Crow posted:

To go with the first one:

The second in gif form (from that topic): http://i.imgur.com/y0JRK.gif

slowbeef posted:

I heard the video was fake anyway.

It's not like you actually could beat Final Fantasy Tactics with a sole archer. Just not possible.

slowbeef posted:

I'm betting GameShark. Beating all of Final Fantasy Tactics with just one archer is crazy, and everyone knows it.

What if the Judge makes a no archery rule?

Can somebody link me the original video?

Crimsonjewfro posted:

It's kind of amazing that there are actually two different bodily fluid horror stories told in .gif format around here.

Szurumbur posted:

From Archael's glorius trainwreck of FFT SSCC Archer thread


and


See, it was 100% recorded (22 hours) because otherwise someone could not believe he had actually done that

tourgon posted:

The first story in gif form: http://i.imgur.com/WxJHq.gif

Flash Gordon Ramsay posted:

I don't personally care for Globals (don't like the handles) but if you're going to get a boner, make sure it's flexible. Boning a bird with with a rigid boner can be tough and leave more meat on the bones than you would like. I think mine is 7 inches, and it seems plenty long enough.

Steve Yun posted:

If you have a Sur La Table near you, they let you try out their knives. Try a few boners in different sizes and see what feels good in your hand

Flash Gordon Ramsay posted:

A boner that's too large can be unwieldy and lead to injury.

Casu Marzu posted:

Too small and it's impossible to get the job done

quote:

I'd love to bitch more about my students, but really, my worst student was late for our last lab, but said his dog was in labor, and offered me a puppy. How can I stay mad at a (potential) puppy? I am kind of nervous around dogs and cannot hold pets in my apartment, anyway, but it's the thought that counts.

quote:

I know what happened to the dinosaurs!
Oh, yeah? What happened?
They didn't really go extinct. There's an air pocket under the ocean in the Bermuda Triangle, and they all live there. That's why boats go missing there. The dinosaurs get tired of eating fish all the time and eat people instead.
Really? But what about the planes that go missing?
[SIGH] Duh! FLYING DINOSAURS!

JossiRossi posted:

Looking up how your ancestor's died is pretty interesting.

Fluffy Bunnies posted:

Cancer, Cancer, Cancer, Parkinsons and many other issues (also possibly cancer since she had recurrent benign growths), Cancer/drunk, Polio, Cancer, Trampled by a horse, and the only other one I remember being told about was a Civil War casualty.

I like to imagine my family tree is actually a tumor with branches.

Aristurtle Records posted:

Centzon Totochtin posted:

What I want to know is what movie he watched to become 50% chin

Gharbad the Weak posted:

Mulan?

quote:

THE ACCOUNTANT
by Bill Dubuque
The Treasury Department pursues a brilliant, autistic
accountant who doubles as an assassin and “problem-solves”
with precision in more ways than one.

Rough Lobster posted:

Hahaha that's great.


SECRET AGENT 1: Sir, we have reason to believe that the assassin is one of us, here, in this very room.

AGENT BENNINGS: My god. Don't worry, I know just what to do. *Drops a bag of marbles* Oh no, I've dropped exactly 100 marbles! Won't someone help?

SECRET AGENT 4: Actually there's only 94 marbles there and...welp poo poo

AGENT BENNINGS: I always get my man.

Farbtoner posted:

From Who Greenlighted This poo poo?, discussing the annual Black List of movie scripts.

quote:

GASLIGHT
by Ian Fried
Secretly imprisoned in a London insane asylum, the
infamous Jack the Ripper helps Scotland Yard investigators
solve a series of grisly murders whose victims all share one
thing in common: dual puncture wounds to the neck

Beer_Suitcase posted:

"A Second party has just hit MY apartment!"

Illegal Username posted:

I'm looking for a W&W quote.

The guy was telling how his back injury means he needs to sit down to dress himself properly, and then went on to describe in detail how awkward it is to tie your laces when there's a 300 pound dude lovingly powdering his balls right next to your head. The big guy also might have been Shaq.

Voodoofly posted:

Yeah, I'll raise you. I work out at The Sports Club LA, so I get a lot of famous people (actually, more often people who I recognize but don't know why). You get used to it. There are also an obscene amount of the "naked guys." Again, you get used to it.

One day, though, I will never forget.

I have to sit down to put on or take off my clothes because of spinal and leg injuries. Which means that I often have to wait a minute or so when the gym is busy for bench space before I can sit down to get ready.

One time I was waiting by the locker for a guy to move his bag off the bench. He was standing around naked, talking to a friend, for a little bit, but he noticed me waiting, saw the scars on my back and side, and was like "oh, sorry man, you need to use the bench." I said yes, he quickly moved the stuff, I sit down to towel off and start dressing. Nothing that strange yet, just a decent guy.

Then, while still talking to his friend, he proceeds to put one foot on the bench and just start powdering everything under the sun. I mean powdering away, for a good few minutes. After doing both sides (or whatever he needed to switch legs for), he stands up, flexes his rear end a few times (with some slaps), asks his friend how he is looking, then tells me "keep up the good work man," and leaves.

So, basically, despite being the ball powder guy, he was actually really cool. I wish everyone in the gym was that considerate.

Now, what makes it absolutely hypnotic though was this was Shaq. As in, all 7 foot 300+ pounds of Shaq. So, when I say he puts his leg up on the bench and starts powdering away, and I'm sitting right next to him trying to get changed, all of his glory was about a foot above my head, being powdered away, for a good five minutes. It was like a solar eclipse - I knew looking would probably scar my retinas, but for five minutes all you can think of is the strange phenomena going on right above your head. The rear end-flexing and smacking was also just above my head - in fact he had to stop for a second when he saw me standing up to finish putting on my jeans.

Like I said, nicest gym neighbor I could ever ask for, but 10 minutes of the "naked, chatting, ball powdering guy" will never be the same when said balls don't hang a foot above your head while you are getting changed.

Twiggy Johnson posted:

I was going to point that out, too (they're also plants!). But wikipedia states they're hermaphrodites, which I guess leaves the option for sexual reproduction. So she's in an abusive relationship with a hermaphroditic plant. Wasn't that the plot to Little Shop of Horrors?