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Exi7wound
Aug 22, 2004

LOGANO
Remember my name... you'll be screaming it later.



Missed that. Thanks!

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NovemberMike
Dec 28, 2008


Pneub posted:

The best "martial art" is to fish-hook someone's cheek off and then stomp on their knee caps while they're rolling around on the ground. BJJ / muai thai looks like the best combination for sport fighting.

I'm not sure if this is serious, but if it is you're retarded. Pain compliance techniques like fishhooking a cheek don't necessarily work when somebody is up on adrenaline and all of that "hit the weak point for massive damage" bullshit is useless unless you can punch hard and accurately without telegraphing. What you need for self defense is a decent grappling base so you can escape from the ground and the conditioning to run away faster than they can catch up. All other self defense poo poo is going to fail you when you're facing five people or someone with a knife.

attackmole
Dec 15, 2007


A cop told me that if he ever had to deal with someone where pain compliance wasn't working, blood chokes were the go-to since it'll put you out whether you feel pain or not.

NovemberMike
Dec 28, 2008


attackmole posted:

A cop told me that if he ever had to deal with someone where pain compliance wasn't working, blood chokes were the go-to since it'll put you out whether you feel pain or not.

Pain compliance works on most of the people police deal with (ie. Hippies and drunk people). The problem is that anyone going out of their way to attack you is either going to be on something (in which pain might not work), insane or in a group. Traditional self defense techniques don't work for those.

Xguard86
Nov 22, 2004

"You don't understand his pain. Everywhere he goes he sees women working, wearing pants, speaking in gatherings, voting. Surely they will burn in the white hot flames of Hell"

attackmole posted:

A cop told me that if he ever had to deal with someone where pain compliance wasn't working, blood chokes were the go-to since it'll put you out whether you feel pain or not.

to quote draculino maghalese:

"I have seen men fight with broken arms, I have never seen one fight asleep"

2 fat 4 my lambo
Oct 9, 2003

WEED POOP

i have

Thermos H Christ
Sep 6, 2007

running out of the mirror the smells roses roses the voice that breathed o'er eden

Xguard86 posted:

to quote draculino maghalese:

"I have seen men fight with broken arms, I have never seen one fight asleep"

chris leben? cheick kongo? mods?

C. Everett Koop
Aug 18, 2008

madam, your hydraulic pressure is atrocious!

Paul Buentello threw a beautiful sprawl right after Arlovski knocked him out.

Eat This Glob
Jan 14, 2008

my ice, my ass.

Thermos H Christ posted:

chris leben? cheick kongo? mods?

Pneub
Mar 12, 2007



NovemberMike posted:

I'm not sure if this is serious, but if it is you're retarded. Pain compliance techniques like fishhooking a cheek don't necessarily work when somebody is up on adrenaline and all of that "hit the weak point for massive damage" bullshit is useless unless you can punch hard and accurately without telegraphing. What you need for self defense is a decent grappling base so you can escape from the ground and the conditioning to run away faster than they can catch up. All other self defense poo poo is going to fail you when you're facing five people or someone with a knife.

I ain't talking about pain compliance. I'm saying that going all ape crazy and poking out eyeballs and biting ears off and poo poo would be, on average, the easiest way to beat someone in a "fight" (I just threw two things together in the first post). 99% of applicable people in the world wouldn't be able to set up an effective ground defense if you pulled their dick off.

BlindSite
Feb 8, 2009



Pneub posted:

I ain't talking about pain compliance. I'm saying that going all ape crazy and poking out eyeballs and biting ears off and poo poo would be, on average, the easiest way to beat someone in a "fight" (I just threw two things together in the first post). 99% of applicable people in the world wouldn't be able to set up an effective ground defense if you pulled their dick off.

Can we keep this kind of retarded argumentative my fake fighting from israel beats your fake fighting from Brazil in another thread like the A&T thread designed for this poo poo?

Thermos H Christ
Sep 6, 2007

running out of the mirror the smells roses roses the voice that breathed o'er eden

Pneub posted:

I ain't talking about pain compliance. I'm saying that going all ape crazy and poking out eyeballs and biting ears off and poo poo would be, on average, the easiest way to beat someone in a "fight" (I just threw two things together in the first post). 99% of applicable people in the world wouldn't be able to set up an effective ground defense if you pulled their dick off.

i'm generally inclined to think this is true, but then again nobody managed to kick royce in the dick back in the day so who even knows

Pneub
Mar 12, 2007



BlindSite posted:

Can we keep this kind of retarded argumentative my fake fighting from israel beats your fake fighting from Brazil in another thread like the A&T thread designed for this poo poo?

I think I missed a previous argument about dick-pull-off-fu, and something about Isreal. My previous posts are rendered null.

fatherdog
Feb 16, 2005

*RONK, RONK*
Make that three rard-boiled eggs.


Pneub posted:

I ain't talking about pain compliance. I'm saying that going all ape crazy and poking out eyeballs and biting ears off and poo poo would be, on average, the easiest way to beat someone in a "fight" (I just threw two things together in the first post). 99% of applicable people in the world wouldn't be able to set up an effective ground defense if you pulled their dick off.

Pro tip - all of this was legal in UFC 1. Feel free to go back and watch it.

ASL NIGGA
Nov 26, 2009

by T. Mascis


Pneub posted:

I ain't talking about pain compliance. I'm saying that going all ape crazy and poking out eyeballs and biting ears off and poo poo would be, on average, the easiest way to beat someone in a "fight" (I just threw two things together in the first post). 99% of applicable people in the world wouldn't be able to set up an effective ground defense if you pulled their dick off.

hahahahhaha

are you retarded

Flying-Chip
May 2, 2004



Jake Shields did the ancient eastern secret of eye-poking on GSP and still couldn't win.

Phyzzle
Jan 26, 2008
I'LL ONLY BEAT MY FIANCEE WHEN I THINK SHE DISRESPECTS ME. BITCH CAN LOWER HER STANDARDS AND FIND SOMEONE ELSE IF SHE DON'T LIKE IT.

Actually, biting, eye-gouging, or groin strikes in were illegal UFC 1.
http://sports.yahoo.com/mma/news?slug=ki-ufceone040209

I don't know if there are any tournaments you could watch on tape which allowed that stuff. Vale Tudo International allowed groin attacks, but still no biting or eye-gouging.

Thermos H Christ
Sep 6, 2007

running out of the mirror the smells roses roses the voice that breathed o'er eden

plus royce did a ton of poo poo that would be illegal now in those early tournaments.

but today's fighters would gently caress him up even if they had to follow the unified rules and he didn't. you can't bite anyone's eyes if you have been bitch-tossed and beaten unconscious.

fatherdog
Feb 16, 2005

*RONK, RONK*
Make that three rard-boiled eggs.


Phyzzle posted:

Actually, biting, eye-gouging, or groin strikes in were illegal UFC 1.
http://sports.yahoo.com/mma/news?slug=ki-ufceone040209

A) Iole is full of poo poo, all of those were legal although some of them required you to pay part of your purse afterwards

B) Gordeau eye-gouged Royce anyway, which is why Royce held onto the choke long after he tapped.

Phyzzle
Jan 26, 2008
I'LL ONLY BEAT MY FIANCEE WHEN I THINK SHE DISRESPECTS ME. BITCH CAN LOWER HER STANDARDS AND FIND SOMEONE ELSE IF SHE DON'T LIKE IT.

I remember hearing the announcers say during the event that they were "against the rules" (might be thinking of UFC 2). Where did you hear otherwise?

Tezcatlipoca
Sep 18, 2009

I'm not just friends with a pedophile, I'm also hot for his disgusting feeder fetishist ex! ps I'm still a drug addict loser of the highest order and deserve to lose my job!

ahaha I can still hardly believe this pic exists and the reason its public

They allowed all that poo poo in the Gracie Challenges and still choked out a bunch of those fools.

mobn
May 23, 2005

by Ozmaugh


bruce lee would defeat every great fighter because he said he would bite if they got close

fatherdog
Feb 16, 2005

*RONK, RONK*
Make that three rard-boiled eggs.


Phyzzle posted:

I remember hearing the announcers say during the event that they were "against the rules" (might be thinking of UFC 2). Where did you hear otherwise?

The announcers had no idea what was going on, and neither did the refs. According to the rules fights could only be stopped by knockout or tapout, but the ref stopped Tuli vs Gordeau, at one point the ref had to have it explained to him that a guy was tapping out, etc.

All the "illegal techniques" weren't actually things the ref would stop you from doing; they were just stuff you had to give up part of your purse if you did. As is evidenced by the fact that they, you know, did them.

Xguard86
Nov 22, 2004

"You don't understand his pain. Everywhere he goes he sees women working, wearing pants, speaking in gatherings, voting. Surely they will burn in the white hot flames of Hell"

I've never understood how people will withstand headkicks that are like car crashes and yet they are suppose to magically fall down and die to a bite. I guess the infection may kill them a week later, but taking a piece out of someone's arm is not going to do anything.

My friend back at school said if someone bit him and he was on top, he was planning to chimp out and try to chew their nose off. West Texas people are not fully human.

fawker
Feb 1, 2008

ARMBAR!

Xguard86 posted:

My friend back at school said if someone bit him and he was on top, he was planning to chimp out and try to chew their nose off. West Texas people are not fully human.

For some reason, alot of people think that when you eyegouge, groin kick or bite someone, they'll instantly disengage and whimper in pain as they soothe their wounds.

In reality, itll just piss people off and make them escalate. Your friend would bite their noses off. Royce holds chokes for juuuuust a little bit longer, Bas would break your neck etc.

Also, groin kicks/eye jabs and other such attacks, are targetted at really small targets and are easier said than done.

mobn
May 23, 2005

by Ozmaugh


Xguard86 posted:

I've never understood how people will withstand headkicks that are like car crashes and yet they are suppose to magically fall down and die to a bite. I guess the infection may kill them a week later, but taking a piece out of someone's arm is not going to do anything.

My friend back at school said if someone bit him and he was on top, he was planning to chimp out and try to chew their nose off. West Texas people are not fully human.

I think people think that sharp pains like bites and gouges are somehow going to be more painful than blunt force pain. The truth is that they don't hurt more, they just hurt differently, and neither is really going to stop someone who is really cracked out on adrenaline.

ASL NIGGA
Nov 26, 2009

by T. Mascis


really what we can take away from this is that pneub is in an idiot

CarlCX
Dec 14, 2003

this is a job for the Punk

There are some people out there who have a certain level of pain or physical injury they're not prepared to deal with, and when you hit it they tend to break and quit.

However, very few of those people are going to get themselves into positions to have biting and eyegouging fights and I'd wager that none of them are professional fighters, and if you poke Yuki Nakai's eye out he's just going to rip your loving foot off.

Xguard86
Nov 22, 2004

"You don't understand his pain. Everywhere he goes he sees women working, wearing pants, speaking in gatherings, voting. Surely they will burn in the white hot flames of Hell"

mobn posted:

I think people think that sharp pains like bites and gouges are somehow going to be more painful than blunt force pain. The truth is that they don't hurt more, they just hurt differently, and neither is really going to stop someone who is really cracked out on adrenaline.

Good point. I guess ignorant people, ignorant arguments is true for fights too.

I'd let pretty much anyone on earth try to bite me before I let even a semi-pro fighter leg kick me.

henkman
Oct 8, 2008

EXCUSE ME WHILE I SLASH MY WRISTS WITH OCCAM'S RAZOR


Xguard86 posted:

I've never understood how people will withstand headkicks that are like car crashes and yet they are suppose to magically fall down and die to a bite. I guess the infection may kill them a week later, but taking a piece out of someone's arm is not going to do anything.

Never wrestle a kimodo dragon

mobn
May 23, 2005

by Ozmaugh


I haven't seen a lot of brawls where dudes ballpunch and bite anyway. They usually go to slamming heads against poo poo and stomping you on concrete with their friends.

Barfights dudes seem to have some weird honor code where they forget they can cheat so it ends with awkward drunken grappling and armpunching.

NovemberMike
Dec 28, 2008


Pneub posted:

I ain't talking about pain compliance. I'm saying that going all ape crazy and poking out eyeballs and biting ears off and poo poo would be, on average, the easiest way to beat someone in a "fight" (I just threw two things together in the first post).

IIRC there was an MMA fight where a fighter was permanently blinded due to an eye-gouge and he never stopped the fight and won by submission. Eye-gouges, rakes, ball grab, bites etc are all pain compliance tools and won't work against somebody who's in an altered state due to adrenaline or drugs.

quote:

99% of applicable people in the world wouldn't be able to set up an effective ground defense if you pulled their dick off.

You can pull someone's dick off through their pants while they're in dominant position? I don't know if you've grappled before, but if you're not in a dominant position and you are going for my balls, all you're really doing is giving me your arm so I can advance my position or break your arm. Also, there's a video by (I think) Royce Gracie where he goes ahead and narrates some of the Gracie Challenge fights and he'll point out all the times that people tried to grab his balls and how it never works.

EDIT: Here's one where a Hapkido guy tries to ball grab a couple times.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H-sr...feature=related

NovemberMike fucked around with this message at Aug 11, 2011 around 01:56

BlindSite
Feb 8, 2009



NovemberMike posted:

IIRC there was an MMA fight where a fighter was permanently blinded due to an eye-gouge and he never stopped the fight and won by submission. Eye-gouges, rakes, ball grab, bites etc are all pain compliance tools and won't work against somebody who's in an altered state due to adrenaline or drugs.


You can pull someone's dick off through their pants while they're in dominant position? I don't know if you've grappled before, but if you're not in a dominant position and you are going for my balls, all you're really doing is giving me your arm so I can advance my position or break your arm. Also, there's a video by (I think) Royce Gracie where he goes ahead and narrates some of the Gracie Challenge fights and he'll point out all the times that people tried to grab his balls and how it never works.

EDIT: Here's one where a Hapkido guy tries to ball grab a couple times.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H-sr...feature=related

I really don't want to do an I TRAIN post but welp

Someone in my guard who tries to grab my balls is going to get triangled or inside arm barred. Hell in no gi it's one of the first things you're taught to push one of their arms through at the wrist while you jump your hips. If I thought that's what they were trying to do (mess with my junk) I'd probably be angry enough to break their loving arm.

I'm only a lovely white belt and I've slapped tight triangles and inside arm bars on dudes who come in for a roll like it's cool, guys who've wrestled, done hapkido, judo, all sorts of poo poo who think it'll be a laugh to go have a roll in a BJJ class. Even with my pathetic training I dominate my buddies who want to have a wrestle after getting a few drinks under their belt one of whom can bench press 150kgs and has had more brawls in the street than I've had hot dinners.

I get destroyed weekly in class and have huge flaws in my game, but trying to grab my nuts or gouge my eyes from my guard is going to make it a lot easier for me to trap someone. It's more worrying what someone who's been doing BJJ for longer than a few months could do in that situation.

"I'd just gouge his eyes or rip his nuts off isn't going to work.

maffew buildings
Apr 29, 2009

My era is Karate. Karate's back. MACHIDA KARATE!

Never bet against wrestling.

just learn to wrestle so if you get into a fight you can hold another man next to you tightly, that's all your attacker really wants anyhow

fawker
Feb 1, 2008

ARMBAR!

Here is a Brazillian demonstrating what happens to despicable ball grabbers
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fxZKZsqWdFw

NovemberMike
Dec 28, 2008


fawker posted:

Here is a Brazillian demonstrating what happens to despicable ball grabbers
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fxZKZsqWdFw

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3vZVQJryEOY

These guys actually made a direct response and it's kind of worth linking all on its own.

EDIT: This too. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=57Mva-3n7TY

Xguard86
Nov 22, 2004

"You don't understand his pain. Everywhere he goes he sees women working, wearing pants, speaking in gatherings, voting. Surely they will burn in the white hot flames of Hell"

maffew buildings posted:

just learn to wrestle so if you get into a fight you can hold another man next to you tightly, that's all your attacker really wants anyhow

fun story:

The only time I got into a fight post Bjj training was in a loving Jimmie Johns at 2:30 am in early december. Santa claus and his elf came in, the elf and my friend started talking poo poo and started fighting. Santa jumped on my friend's back, so I pulled him off, took double underhooks and pinned him against the wall. He kept try to hit me but my head was stuck in his chest so he was kind of just swinging his arms at the air. Then we heard "cops cops cops" and everyone ran off.

So, basically, I gave Santa a big hug and then ran home. Bjj4Lyf.

mobn
May 23, 2005

by Ozmaugh


Xguard86 posted:

fun story:

The only time I got into a fight post Bjj training was in a loving Jimmie Johns at 2:30 am in early december. Santa claus and his elf came in, the elf and my friend started talking poo poo and started fighting. Santa jumped on my friend's back, so I pulled him off, took double underhooks and pinned him against the wall. He kept try to hit me but my head was stuck in his chest so he was kind of just swinging his arms at the air. Then we heard "cops cops cops" and everyone ran off.

So, basically, I gave Santa a big hug and then ran home. Bjj4Lyf.

Ha, situations like that go down at the Chuck E Cheese here all the time. There was a 30+ person brawl in the parking lot a couple years back because two dads started fighting over whose kid was next on some machine.

Paul Pot
Mar 4, 2010

by Y Kant Ozma Post


only in america

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niethan
Nov 22, 2005

Don't be scared, homie!


russian_waterpark_brawl.flv

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