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kidcoelacanth
Sep 23, 2009

~*LEGACY*~




January 7th, 2011. The NFL playoffs were upon TFF once again, and the 7-9 Seattle Seahawks had snuck in as the first ever losing team in the postseason. Forums poster Luminous Cow dropped a thread (requires archives) on the forums, asking for ridiculous Toxx clauses for posters to perform, given a win or loss by a team, or performances by individual players. Most of these involved new avatars or donations to charities. One 49ers fan decided to go a step beyond that.

may contain peanuts posted:

If the Seahawks win, the next 600 posts I make following their victory will include glowing praise of Pete Carroll's Seattle Seahawks, including reasons why they are a better team than the San Francisco 49ers.

Now, this was already a stretch, and no one actually expected the Seahawks to get anywhere in the playoffs, up against the defending Super Bowl Champion New Orleans Saints.

Things did not go as planned.

With that earth-rocking run, the Seahawks shocked the world and moved on in the playoffs, causing several posters to end up with new avatars celebrating the occasion. For our friend with the Homestuck avatar, his next five months were about to become very entertaining (for the rest of us). Like a champ, may contain peanuts started the next morning off right, in the Toxx Fulfillment Thread.

may contain peanuts posted:

Morning, goons. Great game by the Seattle Seahawks last night. They just play so well in all three phases of the game, that passing attack is unstoppable (4 passing TDs!), great job by their defense, special teams won the field position battle all night, and you know, I think a lot of it is directly attributable to Pete Carroll, he wants to win and these players play hard for him. That's why they're in the playoffs, which incidentally is where the 49ers are not. In them. Them being the playoffs. 49ers aren't in the playoffs, Seahawks are.

This thread chronicles the completed posts of MCP’s toxx. I didn’t include every post, as there were a goddamn lot. Feel free to check out his post history, though.

In the avatar thread, KFCB put this up celebrating the night's victory:

may contain peanuts posted:

KFCB posted:

First come, first serve:


Ahahaha this owns.

Frank Gore wishes he could pull off runs like this. He can't though because he's not as good as Marshawn Lynch. Seahawks just have a way better running game, and I think that's a big part of why they're winning in the playoffs while the 49ers are watching from home.

As the playoffs carried on, MCP continued to compare each and every event to his newfound love, the Seahawks.

may contain peanuts posted:

leica posted:

Wow, a chip shot kick is better than the Beast Mode run? Morons.

Speaking of Lynch the Bills are really dumb for trading him, happy for him now, but as a Bills fan I thought it was a retarded move. Seahawks made out on that deal big time.
Well, in fairness to the Bills, there's just something about being on the Seattle Seahawks that brings out the best in a player. It's kind of like the 49ers but in reverse.

may contain peanuts posted:

I don't think makes you a bad person. For example you take a guy like Golden Tate, who got high and robbed a donut shop, but he's one of the best young receivers in the NFL. Already he's better than anyone currently on the 49ers, or ever was.

may contain peanuts posted:

You know who's a good players coach? Pete Carroll. He's kinda like what Jim Harbaugh would be like with charisma and poise and knowledge about football and if he wasn't so ugly.

may contain peanuts posted:

Frank Caliendo making a fat joke about anyone is kind of like Alex Smith calling anyone a bad quarterback, also the Seahawks own

may contain peanuts posted:

I only read one Animorphs book. It was about uh, it was like a guy who had turned into an eagle, but then he was an eagle for too long and then he couldn't change back, or something. I dunno. I guess I didn't really see the appeal.

You know what would be a great animal to turn into, is a Seahawk. Then you wouldn't mind not being able to change back, because you'd already be the best animal. Flying around, hunting wild 49ers for sport, good stuff.

may contain peanuts posted:

Wow that's really bad special teams play by the 49ers. Oops I mean the Packers. Sorry whenever I see a team do real bad at something I assume it's the 49ers. Boy that team is bad. I wish they were the Seahawks.

may contain peanuts posted:

Wow! A great run by Vick! It's almost like he's Steve Young out there, except Steve Young was horrible and couldn't run or pass and had no poise in the pocket and actually you know what that run was really more like Matt Hasselback who is good at every aspect of quarterbacking

may contain peanuts posted:

windshipper posted:



This never ever gets old.
We're not even 100 posts in. I have no doubt that by the time I'm done this gimmick will be completely insufferable.

Muuuuuuuuuuch liiiiiiiiiiiiiiike............ the 49ers are insufferable!!! What a bad loving team! Why can't they be as good as the Seattle Seahawks?!?!?

may contain peanuts posted:

DR AIDS posted:

How would you compare Bill Walsh to Pete Carroll?
Bill Walsh?! What a loving joke that guy is! If he was even 1/100th of the man Pete Carroll was, he would be 200 feet tall and would crush cities and the Power Rangers would have to battle him!

may contain peanuts posted:

der juicen posted:

goddamn that guys laugh
It's like air escaping from a balloon, or like Mike Singletary said anything. Seriously I dunno if you've seen him mic'd up but that's how he talks all the time. It's embarassing. Not like Pete Carroll at all.

may contain peanuts posted:

penisclaw posted:

you really are quite good at this.
I'm barely outside double digit posts, once I get to triple I'm sure I'll be seriously phoning it in, much like the 49ers phone it in any time they play Seattle. Actually that's probably not true, they don't phone it in, they're just that outmatched.

may contain peanuts posted:

I don't understand how Matt Hasselback got passed over for the halftime show. A lot of people don't know this but he plays the guitar really well and he sings like an angel. Oh, they probably didn't ask him to perform because he'll probably be playing at the time. Well they can call up Vernon Davis, there's no conflict of interest there.

may contain peanuts posted:

Manoueverable
posted:

He got toxxed and now has to do a bunch of posts about how the Seahawks are better than the 49ers or something like that
Maybe I should make that my custom title so that people stop asking.

But wait... then I wouldn't have room to write that Walter Jones is the greatest offensive tackle of all time and is better than any given 5 49ers linemen put together! The character limit for titles is way too restrictive.

may contain peanuts posted:

I am Bob posted:

You should keep a counter going in your posts so we know how far you have gotten.
I was considering it, and now that I've got your blessing I'll go that route. Speaking of routes, have you see Mike Williams's route running? So crisp, so perfect. Roughly a hundred times better than Michael Crabtree.

(#27)

may contain peanuts posted:

Detroit_Dogg posted:

may contain peanuts how do you feel about Bob's Burgers?
Well I'm glad you asked Detroit_Dogg! Actually I didn't know anything about it until this thread but I'm probably not going to see it, much like I'm not going to see another 49ers Super Bowl or another play by the Seahawks that isn't perfectly executed

(#28)

may contain peanuts posted:

Oh no. Kuhn is hurt? That's like if the Seahawks lost Hasselback or Williams or... wait did I already do this one? poo poo, uh, Seahawks own forever and the 49ers aren't very good.

(#29)

may contain peanuts posted:

Clay Matthews looks really uncomfortable on camera, much like how Alex Smith feels uncomfortable any time he has to make a decision, or like how Charlie Whitehurst doesn't feel uncomfortable ever because he's a perfect golden god

(#30)

may contain peanuts posted:

Bromine posted:

Forgot the number
I edited it in! We can't all be Charlie Whitehurst, I make mistakes sometimes. One mistake was choosing to root for the 49ers because holy poo poo that team is just awful

oh and (#31)

may contain peanuts posted:

Haha now I can't not hear it, that's amazing.

You

Know

What's

Amazing????? It's the Seattle Seahawks! They're just so great and so physical and way better than the 49ers (#32)

may contain peanuts posted:

An interesting stat I just found, Leon Washington somehow has like 83 yards from scrimmage. But he's not even playing today??? He's just that good! Also Frank Gore has no yards from scrimmage but that's less interesting considering his team didn't make the playoffs (#34)

may contain peanuts posted:

I'm expecting it to take me a month. I'll pick up big chunks of it in GDTs but during the week I won't be able to post as much. That's fine. Rome wasn't built in a day. Just look at the Seahawks, Pete Carroll had to go through a long rebuilding process befo... oh wait no they made the playoffs his first year as head coach. Well maybe it's more like the 49ers because they've been rebuilding since forever since they've never been any good (#36)

Yeah, that was an optimistic estimate.

may contain peanuts posted:

Is every joke on that show going to be like that? It seems like if you keep using the same subject for all your jokes it would get tiring.

You know what I never get tired of? The Seahawks. Any time those masters of the gridiron take the field and roll over some lovely team like the 49ers, why, I could watch that all day (#37)

may contain peanuts posted:

That's nice and everything, but if you were a team like, just as an example, the Seahawks, you wouldn't need a comeback mode. Because you'd always be up by like 40. A team that could really use that mode is the 49ers, as well as a "play good at all, just once, Jesus Christ" mode. (#39)

may contain peanuts posted:

You can't, though! That's the thing! There's so many great things about this Seattle team that I'll never run out. Take this year's draft for example, they just put together so many great players, Okung, Thomas, Tate, all these great young players who will be part of this organization for years to come. The 49ers meanwhile traded the majority of their picks in a miscommunication with Denver that resulted in them receiving a framed picture of Tim Tebow. (#42)

may contain peanuts posted:

Why are they going over the overtime rules? This game isn't close to going to overtime.

You know who'll never have to worry about that, is the Seahawks. They're always up by at least 118 so they never need to worry about overtime. And the 49ers don't have to worry about it either because ~they~didn't~make~the~playoffffffs~ (#43)

may contain peanuts posted:

Gummy Joe posted:

Bob's Burgers looks to be a pretty lousy cartoon, but that's understandable, cartoons are a rare medium well done.

Oh my god

I have nothing to add to this except that the Seattle Seahawks are a better team than the San Francisco 49ers (#43)

may contain peanuts posted:

Probably they realize that the winner of this game will eventually have to take on the Seahawks, and they figure, what's the point. Why bother. We can't win anyways, why does anything matter anymore. That's the same thing that happened to the Niners, in addition to their lack of talent. (#49)

may contain peanuts posted:

That's the end! Congratulations Packers fans. It was looking a little close there for a while but it looks like you'll have a chance to join the 49ers on the list of teams that the Seattle Seahawks will completely destroy this year. (#51)

The majority of those 50 or so posts? One thread. We all saw right off the bat that MCP was going to take this thing on like a goddamned champion.

may contain peanuts posted:

I think he just disagrees with your premise and doesn't necessarily care about the conclusion. It's like if you were to say "Seattle has a better passing attack than San Francisco, therefore Seattle is the greatest team in the history of the NFL and also all other sports leagues." Obviously that's the right conclusion but the premise is incomplete because Seattle also has a better running game, better pass rush, better run defense, and better coffee.

may contain peanuts posted:

Oh, that's my bad then, I guess I missed him saying that. Kind of like the 49ers miss having a quarterback that's any good (even though none of them have been at the level of Matt Hasselback, the greatest of all footballers (Seahawks, bitch)).

may contain peanuts posted:

That one was #56. This one will be #57 as soon as I can think of some praise for the Seahawks, like how Lofa Tatupu got snubbed for the Pro Bowl and should have gone over Patrick Willis. Oh, there it is. So yeah I'm a little under 1/10th of the way done.

Maybe I should go back to numbering these. I dunno why I stopped.

(#57)

may contain peanuts posted:

DO YALL WANT A HAM posted:

Really? I'm surprised to hear you say that. I think the Niners are in good shape defensively, for the most part. And I'm surprised you are so high on Mike Williams. Can you...tell us more about that please? Just how much better are the Seahawks than the Niners?
Well I'm glad you asked!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Niners secondary has been super bad all year. Nate Clements has obviously been a huge part of it, but incredibly he's actually still the best corner on the team, allowing "only" 64.6% of passes against him to be complete. Shawntae Spencer and Tarrell Brown have both been worse than that. Even if theoretically they could shut down one receiver from the Seahawks, there's just too many other great players to account for (Deon Butler and Ruvell Martin both had over 68 yards receiving in week 14).

e: Goddammit I keep forgetting the number! (#58)

may contain peanuts posted:

I think that 49ers team was overrated, honestly. Maybe they were good in that era but I don't think they would have been able to compete against a modern team like, just as an arbitrary example, the 2010 Seattle Seahawks. (#63)

may contain peanuts posted:

It's an idea. I've largely been numbering them for the benefit of people wondering what I'm up to, though... although, I suppose those people could use the same method? Okay folks, when my postcount is at 4315 my toxx will be over. Write that number down. Tattoo it on your forehead.

And I don't think Pete Carroll would need to do that because a guy that smart would never have made such a retarded loving bet in the first place, that's more the sort of thing a dumb 49er fan and/or player would do.

may contain peanuts posted:

What you really need is that growing Ironicat, but I don't have it handy.

Who made that anyways. I think it was Pete Carroll in response to one of Mike Singletary's many terrible posts. But maybe it wasn't because I'm not sure either of them post here.

may contain peanuts posted:

Well what can you do, no one was open. I think it was a good decision, the sort of decision Matt Hasselbeck might make. If it was Alex Smith in the same situation he would have thrown a shovel pass that somehow gets intercepted by two defensive players at once.

may contain peanuts posted:

Where's the OPI. Where is it. It's as hard to find as a 49er who's better at his position than a Seahawk (there aren't any)

may contain peanuts posted:

Oh that's what Housh is whining about, he got a headbutt. Refs didn't call it, 49ers haven't made the playoffs in over 8 years whereas the Seahawks have been multiple times, what else is new

may contain peanuts posted:

So they're advertising specifically to gay NFL fans? I wonder how big of a market that is.

I'm not gay, but if I was I think the sort of guy I'd be into would be Matt Hasselbeck. He's just so strong and so handsome. Plus he's got big hands and you know what that means (and, inversely, what it means about Alex Smith)

may contain peanuts posted:

Ahhhhhhhhhhhh that had a real shot at being intercepted. Good job by whatever lineman tipped it although he's probably not as good as Chris Clemons. Well we can't all be Chris Clemons. Justin Smith laments that fact every day

may contain peanuts posted:

Yeah I'm gonna hold off on all that sort of talk because there's still time for a heartbreaking Steelers comeback, much like the Seahawks comeback against the 49ers in week 1. Oh wait no the Seahawks were ahead that whole game and it was a huge blowout, woops, I guess I was thinking of something else.

may contain peanuts posted:

An incomplete pass. It happens when the ball doesn't get to the intended receiver. Usually they happen by accident, but the 49ers have a few plays that are designed incompletions to "get in the other team's head". Doesn't work though, most teams are too smart to be confused by that, especially the Seahawks

may contain peanuts posted:

Someone has to use that name. Much like the 49ers have to start Alex Smith. It's rough but someone has to start all these lovely players so the Seattle Seahawks can have all the good ones

may contain peanuts posted:

I had been numbering them but someone gave me a better idea which was just to use the postcount when I started to determine when I'll be done. When my postcount is 4315 I'll be done. I don't know what it is right now, I stopped checking it. Much like I stopped checking... checked... uh, not checking... I got nothing for this one, 49ers are worse than Seahawks.

may contain peanuts posted:

All you people who were declaring the Ravens the winners at the half, this is happening because of you. You did this. The power of your collective jynxes has become unto itself a physical thing, more powerful than even Pete Carroll wait no nothing is okay it's more powerful than Jim Harbaugh uh well that's not saying much, it's powerful, that's what I'm driving at here.

may contain peanuts posted:

Really? poo poo I was planning on posting about a homoerotic dream I had about Pete Carroll for #100. Oh well. I've still got it written, I just need to find the appropriate time to post it, like the 49ers are looking for an appropriate time to be good at football. Not quite yet, guys! Better lose a few more games to the Seahawks.

may contain peanuts posted:

Not for nothing but Kawalimus was calling the last Ravens/Steelers game over when the Ravens had a lead and he ended up being right. Although on the other hand if you continuously say that and never say anything else then yeah sometimes you're gonna be right. Kinda like if Alex Smith just keeps throwing passes, eventually one of them won't be intercepted by a Seahawks player.

Oh, a touchdown.

may contain peanuts posted:

Goetta posted:

SLAM A FOOTBALL INTO MY OWN rear end in a top hat
It's weird you'd say that because that's actually the name of one of the 49ers trick plays. It works about as well as you'd expect. When you don't have the talent of a team like the Seahawks sometimes you have to try unusual tactics and sometimes they don't work out.

may contain peanuts posted:

That was pretty clever, I didn't even think they were going to run a play. I thought they'd just play for offsides, take the delay of game, and kick a field goal. Crafty considering it's not a Pete Carroll led team, whose massive intellect absorbs all football knowledge around him. He's already made the entire 49ers coaching staff literally retarded with his wizard powers.

may contain peanuts posted:

If the Ravens win this, I think you have to give the game ball to Suggs. Or actually, no, it's between Suggs and Marshawn Lynch. Granted Lynch didn't play in this game so that's a strike against him, but otherwise I think he's had the bigger impact. He's a strong powerful player who's way better than any current or past San Francisco running back.

may contain peanuts posted:

Easily the worst thing about this toxx clause is that I effectively can't empty quote anymore.

Pretty bad decision by Flacco there. Alex Smith had a similar play this year where he just keep running backwards 40 yards to escape the sack and then threw the ball away in the end zone, it was intercepted and returned for a touchdown. The Seahawks got 7 points out of it, even though they weren't the other team playing. They're just that good!

may contain peanuts posted:

what the gently caress how do you allow that long of a completion gently caress you nate clements get off the field why can't we ever beat the seahawks what game am i watching

may contain peanuts posted:

Pop Dog is the best poster y'all. He's like Pete Carroll in posting form. If he was posting against the 49ers he would beat them for sure

may contain peanuts posted:

Huh yeah I just checked and you're right. Housh 57.7%, Washington 74.5%. I mean not 20 exact but who cares, that's a huge difference.

Something else interesting I found while looking up stats, the 49ers apparently generated 58 sucks per minute (SPM) and are the worst team ever and the Seahawks are better than they are.

may contain peanuts posted:

Same. It's tough getting invested in this game because I don't really like either of these teams significantly more than the other. It's like how I can't get invested in Seahawks games because it's obvious they'll roll over whatever lovely team they're playing against (like the Niners (the Niners are lovely))

may contain peanuts posted:

I just poo poo myself laughing

Mike Singletary just poo poo himself too but it's unrelated to that play. Look sometimes people have bowel problems, doesn't make you a bad person. Although worth noting Pete Carroll has perfect bowels.

may contain peanuts posted:

Vincent Van Goatse posted:

How many dicks do the Niners suck compared to other teams? Especially Green Bay right now.
I don't really like to use gay sex acts as pejorative terms. I think whatever genitalia you want to stimulate orally is fine and that doesn't make you a bad person. That said I think they suck every single dick and every Seahawk dick twice

may contain peanuts posted:

Uh did anyone else just lose sound? What the gently caress where'd my sound go

Maybe I've gone deaf from that Seahawks game. Qwest is the loudest stadium in the NFL and has the best fans and Candlestick is a shitheap that's falling apart

may contain peanuts posted:

Okay I fixed it. Shutting the TV off and turning it back on made the sound come back. Pete Carroll would have figured that out sooner. He's just so smart, that's how he was able to lead an NFL team to the playoffs instead of the 49ers who didn't.

Oh hey a touchdown.

”may contain peanuts” posted:

Especially in comparison to the last game, this game just feels like it's flying.

You know who can fly, is Charlie Whitehurst. Don't tell anyone this but my inside sources tell me that he's a literal super hero with super powers that he uses to fight crime. Well that's probably part of why he's a better quarterback than Troy Smith.

”may contain peanuts” posted:

Who the gently caress even was that? He looked like Devin Hester in an alternate reality where Hester was a Seahawk and therefore the greatest return man ever. Interestingly in that alternate reality Tedd Ginn Jr still fuckin sucks. Ginn is a constant factor across all realities.

”may contain peanuts” posted:

Jaysus posted:

TD Kuhn.
You're in the future! Tell me, in the future do the 49ers ever become any good at all or at the very least do they ever win a game against the Seahawks

”may contain peanuts” posted:

Jaysus posted:

Seahawks just keep getting better. Hasselbeck gets hurt halfway through the season after his normal 18 picks per every 9 games. Football Jesus comes to life and wins the super bowl for us. We trade Hasselbeck to another team for a 1st round draft pick and pick up a couple really good cornerbacks and some offensive linemen. Football Jesus has all the time in the world to throw to whoever he wants and Mike Williams becomes the top receiver in the NFL with 49 TD catches and 2000 receiving yards. Marshawn Lynch also has 52 TDs and 2000 in the same season and they are the first team in history that trolled the NFL in 2010/11 and the first team in history to have a 2000 yard rusher/receiver in the same season.
Hm. Well, disappointing, but not surprising. I knew it was too much to hope for for a future where the 49ers weren't worse than the Seahawks in every possible way.

”may contain peanuts” posted:

Tramon Williams is loving incredible. I just watch him play and all I can think is "Wow, the Seahawks are such a great team" because all I'm ever thinking about is how great the Seahawks are and how they're better than the 49ers. Anyways what I'm trying to say here is that Tramon Williams is real good.

”may contain peanuts” posted:

”Vincent Van Goatse” posted:

What happened to the numbers, man?
4315 man. Those are your numbers. They're your lucky numbers for the day. Exchange them for fabulous prizes like the right to watch a Seahawks playoff game tomorrow that the 49ers aren't in because they didn't make the playoffs.

”may contain peanuts” posted:

”Lloyd Christmas” posted:

I'm turning this off. I don't care anymore. gently caress you, Falcons.
You already said you were turning this off! When you say you're turning the game off you look like an idiot and when you say you're turning it off again you look like a liar! How about instead of flipping out so much you calm down and go to your happy place. For example my happy place is Seattle. I close my eyes and I'm watching the greatest football team in the world defeating inferior team the San Francisco 49ers. Then, a parade

”may contain peanuts” posted:

”Hogarth Hughes” posted:

You didnt' mention Pete Carroll in this
Some of them don't. Given all the great players and coaches and in general the great organization that is the Seattle Seahawks sometimes I don't have time to mention everybody. And that pains me. It's easier with the 49ers because I can mention all the good people involved with that organization real quick. Look at that, I'm already done.

”may contain peanuts” posted:

Man I would love to see like one playoff game this weekend where a team doesn't self destruct and poo poo all over itself like Mike Singletary does regularly (again doesn't make him a bad person I'm just saying). The Seahawks game is out obviously since they'll win by a billion, so I guess my only hope is Jets/Patriots? Last time the Jets lost by 42 points, though. I'm not optimistic.

”may contain peanuts” posted:

You can't be serious

Holy poo poo

Falcons you are the Cowgirls

You

Are

The

Seahawks are a better team than the 49ers

”may contain peanuts” posted:

Oh, yeah you're right, when they tell you the times for these things usually they're including pregame. Whew. Well just to be on the safe side I'll drive recklessly on the way home. Like my car is Marshawn Lynch and all the other cars are 49ers defenders.

The time soon came for the next Seahawks game. Though it looked grim, may contain peanuts showed unbridled optimism and faith in his team.

”may contain peanuts” posted:

That's a smart play by the Seahawks. Let the Bears score so you can get your offense back on the field and throw a whole lot more touchdowns than the 49ers did this postseason because they're not in it because they didn't make the playoffs.

”may contain peanuts” posted:

I'm sure Milloy could have gotten there if he played at his full ability. Obviously that's completely unfair to the rest of the NFL so every player on the Seahawks is forced to wear 50 pound weights while they play. Have you ever read Harrison Bergeron? It's kind of like that. The 49ers do something similar but instead of wearing weights they're terrible at football.

”may contain peanuts” posted:

Don't quote me on this because I'm not 100% sure, but I think in a situation where a player literally dies on the field, the playoffs are canceled and the Lombardi is awarded to the most talented team, which of course is the Seahawks. Why would it be anyone other than the Seahawks?! If you guessed the 49ers man that's an awful guess because those guys are goddam horrible

”may contain peanuts” posted:

”uncle jimbo” posted:

plus the 49ers aren't in the playoffs. What do you think the niners' chances are next year, may contain peanuts?
They have no chance, are you kidding me?! No offense but what an awful question, like the kind of questions a 49er would ask. Now Pete Carroll, there's a guy who asks some good questions, he's like got the terrorist tied to a chair and screaming like "WHERE IS THE BOMB?!" and the terrorist always tells him 'cause he's such a good question asker.

”may contain peanuts” posted:

Incredible fair catch by Tate there. He's got such a high football IQ and knows exactly when to fair catch the ball. I wish Tedd Ginn Jr was as smart as Tate, normally Ginn just gets confused and hands the ball to the other team

”may contain peanuts” posted:

Seahawks are saving all their plays. I think that's good football. You don't want to waste the good stuff in the first quarter, you gotta save that for your game winning drive.

I think the 49ers have been saving their good stuff for about 20 years. They're gonna be disappointed when they find out that they don't actually have any.

”may contain peanuts” posted:

Great defense by the Seahawks that series. Any time you can force a team to go for it on 4th down, you're doing something right. If Seattle keeps playing at this high a level they'll win this game 42-14-N/A, that last score representing the 49ers' points (they don't have any, they're not in the playoffs)

”may contain peanuts” posted:

Well I'm sure it was because Forte got shaken up on the play before that one. That's the thing about the Seahawks, they hit hard! It works a lot better than the 49ers' defensive strategy of politely asking the ball carrier not to advance the ball.

”may contain peanuts” posted:

Personally I welcome all playoff posters. That's what Pete Carroll would do. I don't like the idea of being elitist, like how the 49ers don't allow anyone good at football on their team.

”may contain peanuts” posted:

The only choice is KFC. You need to Double Down, son, that's the goon choice. Alternately you could go with the Pete Carroll choice, which is to get a Double Down and also to pulverize the 49ers into a fine powder

”may contain peanuts” posted:

Dude you don't keep Beastmode on all the time. You gotta save it for a real desperate situation like when you're playing the 49ers defense and you're only up by 30

”may contain peanuts” posted:

Honestly I don't think any halftime adjustments are needed. The Seahawks are already winning this game in every possible way except for points and yards. Probably they'll just take it easy during halftime, relax a bit, maybe call up some 49ers players and remind them that they didn't make the playoffs

”may contain peanuts” posted:

I'm pretty sure the snow is just the reason the receivers were going easy on the defensive backs. It really wouldn't be fair to the defense to torch them on an 80 yard catch while they were also cold and covered in snowflakes. I'm having trouble working into this a way that the 49ers are bad but man they're definitely bad, basically the worst team ever

”may contain peanuts” posted:

If defensive Bears have to do pushups every time they gently caress up I'm not sure why they're not continually doing pushups. Seahawks are just having their way with them! I mean it's not translating into points but it's pretty clear who the more dominant team is, and it's not the 49ers, because they stopped playing in December

”may contain peanuts” posted:

Goddam. Tough choice. That's like Sophie's Choice. How am I supposed to know which child to kill?! If only I knew which one would grow up to be a 49ers fan, then I could spare him a life of misery watching his team get destroyed by Seattle.

”may contain peanuts” posted:

They're trying to win the game exclusively through points from field goals. It unlocks an achievement. On the one hand you could call it unsporting, but on the other hand Joe Montana was the most overrated quarterback ever and would have accomplished nothing without Jerry Rice who was also overrated

”may contain peanuts” posted:

Keep in mind, last night the Packers scored 28 points in a single quarter. It's totally doable! And if anyone can do it, it's the 49ers. I mean, wait, no, the Seahawks. Not the 49ers, they're the worst of those two teams! That wouldn't make any sense.

”may contain peanuts” posted:

The first of many. Here come the Seahawks. Years from now you can all say that when other people got bored and stopped watching, you were there for the Seahawks miracle comeback of 2010. And you can also say that the 49ers loving blow because, what, it can't really be overstated.

”may contain peanuts” posted:

It's like rivals in the sense that Popeye and Bluto were rivals. It's pretty obvious that Popeye is going to win at the end but you know, everyone has to go through the motions.

The motions of the Seahawks beating the 49ers. Those motions. In case it wasn't clear.

”may contain peanuts” posted:

I'm beginning to suspect this isn't all part of the Seahawks' plan. Now I'm starting to think... conspiracy. Of course, the only way the Bears could beat the Seahawks is by paying off the refs! It all makes sense! It's just like how the 49ers bought those Super Bowl wins that are irrelevant because they happened a million years ago and no one cares about them anymore and Alex Smith is garbage!

Unfortunately, the magical run would not last.

”may contain peanuts” posted:

Well I think we can all agree the Seahawks played a great game today. There were at least 21 points they should have scored but didn't because of the refs and the turf and the snow but that's fine, history will know who the real winners were. I'll give some credit to the Bears, they definitely know how to be in the right place at the right time, absolutely great job having that turf.

And so ends the Seattle Seahawks 2010 season. Exceeded expectations and look poised to beat the poo poo out of the awful 49ers forever and ever. Great work, guys.

MCP wasn’t gonna let no scrubs back out of their own toxxes:

”may contain peanuts” posted:

Seriously? That's a c'mon man. Don't make the toxx if you're not willing to follow through on it. It's like if Pete Carroll made a bet that he would lose to the 49ers he would well okay that's a bad example because I don't think he could lose to the 49ers if he tried, the disparity in coaching ability there is too immense. My point is that you should just change your facebook status. C'mon man.

On Al Davis:

”may contain peanuts” posted:

Dang, Al Davis isn't looking so good these days! I'd say he's almost as ugly as the 49ers defense that game they got shredded by Seattle! Ha ha! For reals though all those pictures are loving gross.

Predictions!

”may contain peanuts” posted:

Seattle vs Green Bay at Chicago: I know a lot of people don't think the Seahawks can win this one on the basis that they "were eliminated", but really that's the only knock against them. Other than that I think they're the best team, and I don't think the Packers, Bears, or 49ers stand a chance against them.
NY Jets at Pittsburgh: gently caress Pittsburg, but I'm pretty sure they're going to win it all this year. Again. My only consolation is that "Sevensburg" doesn't really roll off the tongue as well as "Sixburg".

Last Week: 2-2 (0.500)
Overall Record: 143-87 (0.622)
Total Points: 780
Rank: #189

”may contain peanuts” posted:

According to the results of my simulation, the best team in the NFL is... Seattle! Wow! They got a Good Football Playing Rating (GFPR) of over 200, that's easily twelve times the rating that San Francisco got.

”may contain peanuts” posted:

The worst part is that not only would you not have Brad Seely anymore, but the 49ers would still have terrible special teams. It's not the coaching that's the problem, it's the dark magicks that have cursed the city of San Francisco for like 20 years or 21 years or something, I'm not gonna look it up but it's been a while basically. See this is what the Seahawks get that the 49ers don't understand: In this league you need a reliable team of Vodoun priests to ward off vengeful spirits.

Games were on once again, sans Hawks. I think he was drunk during this thread, judging by the spelling. All the better!

”may contain peanuts” posted:

I guess it's interactive because you're supposed to be screaming throughout the whole thing, but all I was doing was going "Seahawks own! Seahawks own! The Seahawks are better than the 49ers!" I think I did it wrong.

”may contain peanuts” posted:

Woah Jenkins is having a good game out there. I might be willing to call him Seahawks quality. I woouldnt say he's Niners quality, why would I say that!? that would be the opposite of what I mean

”may contain peanuts” posted:

I feel like I never get to see a safety. There's all sorts of stuff I want to see but never do, like the Niners fielding a better team than the Seahawks

”may contain peanuts” posted:

Packers are running it really well, Bears need to turn on the Beast Mode to respon d... oh wait they can't, Beast Mode plays for the Seahawks (the best team (Niners are less good))

”may contain peanuts” posted:

When I saw that live I thought it hit the ground, but when I saw the replay I saw Charlie Whitehurst. Did anyone else see him? He was winking at me, a knowing wink, as though he knows he will always be better than Stev e Young

”may contain peanuts” posted:

”Silly Burrito” posted:

What's the count now?
If its the number of great plays by the Seahawks, its off the charts! The 49ers will never catch up! But if you mean how many posts do I still need I don't know

”may contain peanuts” posted:

It sucks to get that field position and do nothing with it, like how the 49ers do nothing with the talent thry have. That's the key to football, yor coach needs to be Pete Carroll. Only the Seahawks understand that

”may contain peanuts” posted:

Surprised how quiet this bears stadium is... its the playoffs guys, winner of this game goes to the super bowl! Yell like its Qwest field, or like you're mad at nate clements for loving up yet again

”may contain peanuts” posted:

”nnnAdam” posted:

Your handwriting resembles that of a blindfolded amputee.

Also I somehow avoided any of my toxxes. I was hoping the Sanchez one happened.
There's a guy on the 49ers like that. I don't think he played a single snap this season, though; just rode the bench every game. I don't mean to be non-PC here but I really do think that in the National Football League you need players who can see and walk. That's one of the reasons why the Seahawks are so great; an entire roster full of seeing-walking people.

”may contain peanuts” posted:

”zakharov” posted:

It's a photoshop...right?
Obviously. But the fact that someone would have to ask speaks volumes about the Steelers fanbase.

For reference, what the sign originally said was "Pete Carroll is the greatest coach ever and the Seahawks are way better than the 49ers." I dunno what that had to do with the 2010 AFC Championship game, but that's Steelers fans for you.

The Pro Bowl:

”may contain peanuts” posted:

The joke is on you, sir!!! The NFC has the Seahawks, who are the greatest team ever (definitely better than the 49ers). Granted I don't think any Seahawks are actually playing today, but just by virtue of their being in the NFC I think they give that conference a huge edge.

”may contain peanuts” posted:

That's what I thought too. I'd still be playing City of Villains. It's double XP weekend, and I was planning to get double XP.

My character in the game is an exact likeness of Charlie Whitehurst and I pretend all the guys I kill are 49ers

”may contain peanuts” posted:

How come Bill Belicheck and Mike Smith are coaching? I thought it was normally the championship game losers who coached this.

As long as you're just letting whoever you want coach, I think you should let Pete Carroll coach the NFC and the coach of the AFC can be Pete Carroll. He's just that good! Way better than John Harbaugh.

”may contain peanuts” posted:

A 3 and out? In the Pro Bowl? This is easy mode guys, come on. You may as well be playing against the 49ers defense out there. Channel your inner Matt Hasselbeck and throw all of the touchdowns

”may contain peanuts” posted:

Still a little under 350 to go. There's no chance of completing it before the season ends... so... should make the offseason more interesting I guess! Need something to do during the offseason when you can't see any of Matt Hasselbeck's precision passes destroying the 49ers pass defense

”may contain peanuts” posted:

Why is Devin Hester playing first team WR, I thought he was just there for his kick returning

Oh

I just realized

The Seahawks are a much better team than the 49ers

”may contain peanuts” posted:

"Vick has been struggling lately"

*Vick completes a 30 yard pass*

*Seahawks are better than the 49ers*

”may contain peanuts” posted:

The amazing thing is that there are people who are hearing this for the first time right now.

There's even people who don't know the greatest team in the NFL is the Seahawks. It's mostly 49ers fans who don't know that. Those fans are dumb as poo poo

”may contain peanuts” posted:

OH poo poo what a great return by whoever that was! I'm just going to assume it was Leon Washington because it was a good return and he's the guy who returns good, also 49ers suck

”may contain peanuts” posted:

”Grittybeard” posted:

Do you think you'll have some post traumatic posting problems when this is done? I know I'll be sad when you don't work the hawks>49ers into every post, and I have no connection to either team.
Currently I don't feel like I'm on the way towards any future problems. Although I did carve "Seahawks good 49ers bad" into my forehead 49 times. I had to use a really small font to get all of them to fit.

”may contain peanuts” posted:

Oh my god I just laughed until I started coughing and now I can't stop coughing and my lungs are really starting to hurt, if I die today tell Charlie Whitehurst I love him and that I think he's better than Joe Montana was

”may contain peanuts” posted:

There won't be any outrage because no one will have watched the game. They will all have been too busy thinking about the Seahawks, thinking about how great they are, wondering, are they better than the 49ers??? And then realize yes, of course they were, why was that ever a question

”may contain peanuts” posted:

Every interception. All of them

I'm starting to wonder if the AFC lost a bet, like the sort of bet that would cause you to say repeatedly that the Seahawks are better than the 49ers (they are, btw), except the terms of their bet was that they had to throw to the NFC a whole bunch

”may contain peanuts” posted:

Maybe he's a vagina man. I dunno why after those two you went straight for the penis, seems kind of odd.

Personally I'm a Seattle Seahawk man. That relentless passing attack and they way they can totally dominate other teams (like the 49ers) is just like

”may contain peanuts” posted:

”Shimrra Jamaane
” posted:

God Bless our Men at Arms serving our country stationed in the inhospitable lands of Hawaii.
In fairness it did get bombed that one time. So there's that.

Also in fairness: Separated from the mainland, they are far from the radiant aura of Good Football Playing that comes from Seattle. But then they're also far away from San Francisco so maybe it's a wash.

”may contain peanuts” posted:

Wow! That's incredible! The Seahawks are the greatest team of all time and the 49ers aren't! Also incredible: That catch.

”may contain peanuts” posted:

”Luminous Cow” posted:

ALL TOXXES MUST BE COMPLETED BY MARCH 3RD, 2011”siren:
What, seriously? I'm not even halfway done with this poo poo, I still have 319 posts to go. Gonna have to pick up the pace a bit I guess, kind of like how Frank Gore picked up the pace when he had that long touchdown run against the Saints. Oh wait no that was Marshawn Lynch, the 49ers weren't in the playoffs this year. I don't know how I keep making that mistake.

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kidcoelacanth
Sep 23, 2009

~*LEGACY*~


With the football season over, MCP turned to other threads, but didn’t forget what matters most.

”may contain peanuts” posted:

I feel like this should be funny, but somehow these announcers have passed the point of bad into the point of so bad it's funny and then past that into bad again. "How can Clay Matthews be a ref! He's not a ref! He's a football player! Someone get down there and tell Clay Matthews that Pete Carroll is the best coach of all time and Bill Walsh was an overrated hack" oh wait sorry that last part was me, I said that.

”may contain peanuts” posted:

Matt Hasselbeck played the entire season with one collapsed lung, every bone in his body broken, and the other lung also collapsed. And he still won more playoff games this year than Alex Smith has won in his career.

(This post was made on 2/25/11)

”may contain peanuts” posted:

Welp

So which UFL team should I root for? I don't want to gently caress up like I did with the NFL by choosing to root for the 49ers, a team that's obviously worse than noted great team the Seattle Seahawks.

e: Just checked and this post officially marks the halfway point of my toxx, holy poo poo kill me

”may contain peanuts” posted:

Well that's unfortunate for the Patriots, he's been a great guard when he's been healthy. Although look on the bright side, you don't really need a great offensive line to be competitive. Just look at the Seahawks, they don't have the best line ever, but they won more 2010 playoff games than the Patriots and 49ers combined (the latter being a team that hasn't made the playoffs in what, 20 years or something? Who even knows).

e: Thinking about this more, the Seahawks have won more playoff games the past three seasons than the Patriots and 49ers combined. Wow! Go Seahawks.

Re: Alex Smith

”may contain peanuts” posted:

Sure, but I mean that's been his MO since he was drafted. He always has these handful of great plays or great drives in between the raw unmitigated diarrhea he usually spews all over the field. He's at basically the worst skill level possible. Bad enough to sink the team, but good enough that you want to keep giving him more shots at it. Obviously it would be best if he could be consistently good like Matt Hasselbeck, but failing that it would be better for him to be consistently bad. At least then maybe he could finally get cut.

”may contain peanuts” posted:

Yeah if he was on a good team, for example the Seattle Seahawks, he'd probably look like a good player. It's too bad he's stuck on the San Francisco 49ers, where his career will never amount to anything and also he'll be statistically more likely to get cancer (it's true, I looked it up).

”may contain peanuts” posted:

Hey lets all post our right tackle rankings

1. Sean Locklear
2-31. Some guys (I unno)
32. Ross Hester
33. Anthony Davis

”may contain peanuts” posted:

I gently caress fat 49ers fans, because that's the only kind. All the HB10s root for the Seahawks.

”may contain peanuts” posted:

Well the thing about all that is, I was reading an article a while back and it said something like 70-80% of all 49ers fans have uh, well I forget what you call it but it's the condition Mr Glass from Unbreakable had (great movie btw). Which when you think about it makes a lot of sense because all 49ers fans are pussies.

I think the same article also mentioned that the percentage of Seahawks fans with literal super powers that they use to fight crime was about 8 to 9%. Which I mean, compared to the general population, that's pretty high.

On Rules:

”may contain peanuts” posted:

While we're eliminating stuff I don't suppose we could also remove offense and defense from the game? I'm just trying to think of ways the 49ers could conceivably ever beat the Seahawks. Maybe if the entire game was replaced with Jenga? Wait no the 49ers are horrible at that too.

”may contain peanuts” posted:

Except it's not deflecting attention? Because those other players shouldn't have been questioned either? Which was his point? Question marks?

Like, deflecting attention would be if the 49ers said something like, "okay guys, I know we're not such a good team, but look at the Seahawks. They're a great team!" and everyone agrees about how powerful and dynamic the mighty Seahawks offense is, and as they begin to plan a parade in honor of the Seahawks they forget what they were originally talking about.

”may contain peanuts” posted:

”JeansW” posted:

You'll all feel sorry when the 12th man wins and the Madden Curse strikes, collapsing Qwest stadium during a game and injuring or killing thousands of fans!
Not possible. Fans of the Seattle Seahawks cannot be defeated by a mere collapsing roof. They would just pick the stadium up and hurl it several miles where it would crush Candlestick (a lovely stadium for assholes).

”may contain peanuts” posted:

I've mentioned this before, but I actually actively dislike football games about real leagues. I think playing as a real person is weird! That's part of why I couldn't get into Madden. (Another part is because I couldn't figure out how to win with the 49ers. What the hell, EA! Someone needs to nerf the Seahawks already, they're super OP)

But yeah I think in general terms you're right, people just want to play as Tom Brady or w/e

”may contain peanuts” posted:

I don't care at all about this poll anymore now that the 12th Man isn't in it. Why bother voting if even noted bad player Patrick Willis can get enough votes to advance... why bother with anything...

”may contain peanuts” posted:

”sc4rs” posted:

may contain peanuts, what do you think about Patrick Willis beating The 12th Man in voting?
It's loving bullshit and I'd say definitive proof that the poll is rigged. Every sports fan knows that the 12th Man is the Best Man and that Patrick Willis is a big dumb stinky doo doo head.

”may contain peanuts” posted:

Well it's not so much that I hate them, there's no malice intended, you know. It's just whenever I think of a team that's struggling or doesn't mesh well or just blows in general, I automatically think of the 49ers, because there's just so many aspects of the sport that they aren't good at. I mean it's the same way when people think of a good team they're like "oh right, the Seahawks, that team is good", you know? That's the sort of thing a person would think.

”may contain peanuts” posted:

”Breaky” posted:

I'm moving to Boston this fall to start a new job actually. If I wear all my Saints poo poo around sometimes am I going to get lots of poo poo from people or do they generally not care unless its Miami or Jets stuff?
I can't imagine anyone is going to care. I don't think Miami stuff would ruffle any feathers either. Like even if they're a divisional rival or whatever, if you were to wear a jersey of a bad team like the Dolphins/Bills/49ers/etc it wouldn't bother anyone. What will really piss off people from Boston is if you were to wear a Seahawks jersey. Boston sports fans are just so incredibly jealous of Seattle that the sight of a Seahawks jersey will send them into a violent rage, followed by manic sobbing and cries of "why did you leave us, Pete Carroll? Why?!?"

Oh Colts are a bad one too. Don't wear Colts stuff.

”may contain peanuts” posted:

It's more like the Seahawks are the future of Cam Newton, and also all other players independent of team affiliation. The Seahawks are an all encompassing force, and regardless of which team drafts you, you can't help but feel your life changed by the radiance of their majesty. Also they're better at football than the 49ers.

”may contain peanuts” posted:

I kind of resent the implication that I am not at all times 100% sincere! Anyways I disagree, those games are going to be huge blowouts in the Seahawks' favor, probably not very interesting to watch.






On the NFL Logo Battle:

”may contain peanuts” posted:

I'm tempted to vote for the Ravens 'cause they got a bird mascot. Bird teams are the best teams, take the Seahawks for example, that's a great team, way better than the 49ers. That's why the 49ers aren't any good, they don't have a bird mascot. And also the general lack of football talent. What was I talking about again? Oh yeah, voted Washington.

”may contain peanuts” posted:

”zakharov” posted:

I would like to get may contain peanuts' opinion on this one.
I think the 49ers logo is inaccurate in that the figure narrowly avoids shooting his own foot. But that's the 49ers for you, trying to paint themselves in an unrealistically positive light: as a drunken prospector firing off rounds in no direction in particular. Completely lacking the simplicity and grace that makes the Seahawks logo a masterpiece.

That said at least it's not a loving star. Voted 49ers.

”may contain peanuts” posted:

The bird is such a great logo that other logos weep to see the heights it has soared which they will never reach. Especially that 49ers prospector, he cries a whole bunch. So to keep anyone from feeling inadequate I voted Bruce.

”may contain peanuts” posted:

If you voted for the spear you are literally IQ-under-70 retarded, kind of like former head coach Mike Singletary is. I bet that has a lot to do with why the 49ers didn't win as many games as the Seahawks. In my opinion it's important to have a coach who isn't retarded, like Pete Carroll. What was I talking about? Oh yeah, voted elf.

”may contain peanuts” posted:

Don't blame me, I voted for the 49ers prospector.

...uh, even though it sucks! That vote was mostly out of pity. Obviously the best logo is the Seahawks because everything the Seahawks do is the best. Let's go sad bird!

On Homestuck:

”may contain peanuts” posted:

You're joking, but it seems more likely than any character currently in the story being Lord English. We haven't seen anyone who could fit into that coat yet, whereas this frog god, well, who knows. You don't know what his physical dimensions are. Maybe he's coat sized. That's hard to imagine, but it's easier to imagine than some other things, like the San Francisco 49ers ever being a better football team than the Seattle Seahawks.

On the other hand though I've never really been convinced that Lord English needed to also be another character. I dunno, maybe he's just Lord English.

”may contain peanuts” posted:

”SynthOrange” posted:

I guess that explains why Kanaya cant watch Rose past this point.

That was the first thing I thought too, but then I remembered that Kanaya could view the future of the other kids past her own death, just not Rose's. It was in this chatlog here:

quote:

TT: The outcome will happen one way or another.
TT: Whether you have something to do with it or not.
TT: You might as well ask me.
TT: At least when it happens, you'll understand what it is that's happening.
TT: And just maybe, if we're really lucky, so will I.
GA: Um
TT: I have a question for you too.
TT: Let's swap ignorance, ok?
GA: Alright
GA: I Cant See You In The Future
GA: The Viewport Wont Let Me After A Certain Point
GA: Its Black
GA: But Only For You
GA: Not The Others

TT: When?
GA: Several Hours From Now
GA: Do You Know Why This Could Be
TT: I have no idea.
TT: I can't see the future.
TT: I'm a disreputable Derse Dreamer, remember?
TT: But I promise that if I have a hand in it, it won't be because you told me.
TT: Does that make you feel better?
GA: Sort Of
GA: But It Remains Ominous
TT: Is that why you want to dissuade me from my admittedly zealous investigation to go play dress-up again?
TT: Because our time here is almost up?
TT: And you hope what's on the other side of the dark curtain for me is not some sort of corruption or damnation?
GA: Also Sort Of
TT: That's thoughtful of you.
TT: To strive to pacify me as I scuffle down this black corridor.
GA: Wait
GA: I Just Realized
TT: ?
GA: The Seattle Seahawks Are The Greatest Football Team In The World
TT: That's true. They're much better than the 49ers.
GA: Id Rather Not Get Stuck In That Kind Of Pattern Again
GA: So If You Want To Wreck Turtle Villages And Tear Your Planet Apart On The Counsel Of Dark Gods
GA: Fine With Me I Guess
TT: What do you mean, "again?"
GA: Ur
GA: Ill Do The Thing You Do When You Dont Say Anything
GA: "..."
TT: One simple word can so easily begin a story in a very thick book.
TT: But I guess we won't open this one?
GA: What Was Your Question
GA: I Believe Youre Owed Some Compensatory Ignorance
TT: Yes.
TT: I was wondering.

”may contain peanuts” posted:

I'm still a bit unclear on why Kanaya went after Gamzee first. Does she even have a reason to believe Gamzee is a threat? I guess he's wearing Nepeta's hat and Equius' glasses, but maybe he's just borrowing them. And okay there's the club covered in blood but man that could be anyone's blood, anyone with that exact color of blood, and anyways maybe Nepeta had it coming, she doesn't know. At least I think she doesn't know? I'm not sure how much she knows about what's happened since she died.

In any case there seem to be better targets. Eridan may be a chump but he did kill two people already, so he's got that going for him. Vriska already killed someone too which I guess Kanaya wouldn't have known about either but Vriska's got a history of it, you could make a reasonable guess that she has murdered one or more trolls. And then there's Pete Carroll, coach of a 2010 Seattle Seahawks game that won their division and beat last year's championship team in the playoffs, and were pretty definitively better than the Niners. So he's pretty threatening. But given he's not a character in this story I guess I understand why Kanaya didn't try to crotch kick him off a cliff.

”may contain peanuts” posted:

I think you can be forgiven for not remembering the Scurrilous Straggler given that he only appears in two panels in this entire infinity bajillion page comic - this one and this one.

Basically the vague timeline if I remember correctly (which I guarantee I do not) goes something like this:

Jack from the Kids' session
-Jack uses the bunny to kill the Black Queen
-Jack gets the ring, fucks some poo poo up, destroys some planets, becomes a dog, etc
-Some stuff we haven't seen yet
-Jack gets sent to the Troll session somehow, destroys more planets/etc
-Jack gets frozen by Aradia

Jack from the Trolls' session
-Jack stabs/Teams up with Karkat
-Jack works together with the kids to get the Black Queen's ring
-Some stuff we haven't seen yet
-Jack gets exiled
-Jack rebuilds society, events from the intermission happen
-Seattle Seahawks become greatest football team of all time, 49ers wallow in mediocrity

”may contain peanuts” posted:

”Falls Down Stairs” posted:

I think this is the first time we've had more than two characters in sprite mode just standing around talking to each other; it feels a bit weird still even though we've started to have characters just straight-up speak to each other more often lately.

No way, we've already seen that happen on this page.

e: Woops that's the wrong link, that actually goes to an article about the Seahawks' historic 41-36 victory over the defending champion Saints in the 2010 NFL playoffs, a game that solidified them as better than the 49ers forever. I actually meant to link to this page.

”may contain peanuts” posted:

I think the absolute most likely scenario for the next update is a 7X PSYCHOUT COMBO or whatever we're up to at this point. I'd be shocked if we actually see Lord English.

Failing that it's probably Pete Carroll. He's a pretty good football coach so it wouldn't surprise me to learn he's also an immortal demon with mastery over time. I mean just look at his week 1 win over the lowly 49ers last season. Great time management in that game. Wonder how he does it...?

”may contain peanuts” posted:

I wonder if the deal with the second disc is that it's an ARG. Hussie literally will not update the comic until one of the readers figures out where the second disc is. Better start checking the archives, folks. Personally I'm going to try to recruit the help of noted super genius Pete Carroll, who is real smart and good at puzzles and is a better football coach than Jim Harbaugh.

”may contain peanuts” posted:

Man. I can't believe this dude missed the opportunity for seahorse dad. The lyrics give you a perfect setup to include him, the part where he's like "I tried to tell my mom but she told me this was one for your dad." I was screaming "SEAHORSE DAD!" at my monitor in the same voice I yell at my TV with when my favorite sports team does something stupid (which is all the time because I root for the San Francisco 49ers (which is a worse team than the Seahawks)).

”may contain peanuts” posted:

Avatarchat. Is it The Worst Chat? I've consulted my team of experts, and after running countless experiments they returned with the result that the Seattle Seahawks are a better sports team than the San Francisco 49ers. That's not what they were supposed to be testing for. Can't argue with results, though. All the numbers add up.

btw the next update is going to be a flash where Terezi dies, then the pages where she's alive in the future will mysteriously disappear from the archives. Quote this post in the future when it turns out I'm right.

”may contain peanuts” posted:

”SteelAngel2000” posted:

may contain peanuts is a San Francisco 49ers fan. He toxxed himself into saying for 1,000 posts that the Seattle Seahawks are a better football team than the 49ers if the Seahawks (the worst playoff team in the history of football) beat the defending superbowl champs in the playoffs.

They did, and may contain peanuts has been phenomenal.
Okay I've kind of been deliberately avoiding talking about my own toxx because I feel like that spoils the ~*~magic~*~, but it's not 1000 posts, I got to set the record straight there. I only signed up for 600 of these, a number specifically chosen due to reasons that I'm sure made sense at the time, I don't really remember. Maybe it's the number of touchdowns Matt Hasselbeck is going to throw for next season, or the number of players on the 49ers who aren't good at football, or something. I'm sure I had a good reason for it at the time.

On City of Heroes:

”may contain peanuts” posted:

I have a dumb question followed by a seemingly unrelated non sequitur. I've noticed that they added optional challenges to Task Forces/Strike Forces, where you can specify a time limit or a deaths limit or maybe a third thing that I can't remember. What do these limits get you? I did Imperious last night with some goons and there was a 30 minute time limit set, which we didn't accomplish, but it didn't seem like anything bad happened as a result. Do you get like a bonus reward if you meet the challenge? I still got my merit rewards and everything. The Seattle Seahawks are a way better football team than the San Francisco 49ers.

”may contain peanuts” posted:

Well what I really want is for the Seattle Seahawks to win a Super Bowl, seeing as how Pete Carroll deserves a ring for being the greatest coach in NFL history and for being way better than Bill Walsh. But failing that, yes, I would like to run Barracuda tonight. What time? I'll probably be on around 7 EST.

”may contain peanuts” posted:

It's weird, before I started reading the forums I didn't realize how many people there were who exclusively wanted to play the game by themselves. Although on the other hand, how would I have known that, it's not like I would have grouped with them. But I guess it's like a whole bunch of people who are Real Angry about all this stuff. It's not even like it's hard to get a group for the weekly strike force; seems like since it's come out that's all I do anymore. Is someone really going to want to pay 100 million inf and all those shards rather than run a single 1-2 hour TF? It's hard to imagine. Well maybe they won't and that's why they're still pissed.

I can kind of sympathize in that it's frustrating to play with a bad team, like how the 49ers are a bad team and aren't as good as the Seattle Seahawks. Although that's a different kind of team and isn't really related to this discussion, so I'm not even sure why I felt inclined to mention it.

”may contain peanuts” posted:

”Soothing Vapors” posted:

haha jesus are you still not done? what number are you on?
600, to my great surprise, turns out to be a big number. I'm about half way done, a little less than that. For various reasons my initial prediction on how long this would take was significantly off, and with no more GDTs I have lost my greatest source of white noise poo poo posts. I might still be doing this when the draft rolls around.

Which is fine by me, I'm not in a rush to get this done. Not when I've got so many great things to say about the Seattle Seahawks. For example the Seahawks freed the slaves. A lot of people don't know that. The 49ers were all, no you can't do that, we need these slaves for cotton, but they wouldn't listen.

But enough about all that, I have an on topic question. I keep hearing about these AE farms but I haven't been able to find more specific information on them. Is there like a specific mission that's pro farm territory? I seem to remember something about there being a mission with guys who only use fire damage which can be tanked easily by a Fiery Aura guy.

”may contain peanuts” posted:

”Warcabbit” posted:

Seahawks tribute character named Beast Mode?
Every character I make is already a Seahawks tribute in some sense, either by having Seattle mentioned in their bio, having the character's colors be the Seahawks distinctive blue and green, or some other way. I just think the Seahawks are so great that I want every part of my life connected with them, and not connected with the 49ers, because that team is bad.

Hey who's gonna be at Pocket D tonight for the free Animal Pack giveaway?!?! :woot:

”may contain peanuts” posted:

”minimalist” posted:

And if anyone but may contain peanuts makes Seattle Seahawk you may be putting his account in danger so back off now
No risk there, I already made the character last Sunday. BEHOLD



I didn't like any of the available bird chest emblems so I put Matt Hasselbeck's number on there instead. Hasselbeck is just such a great quarterback and so strong and so smart and He kind of reminds me of Joe Montana, if Joe was handsome or good at football.

e: wait did i really just pay ten bucks for a bird head

”may contain peanuts” posted:

A lot of people are playing Marvel vs Capcom 3 right now, so that's part of it. I was only on City of Heroes two days in the past week, the rest of the time was spent trying to learn how to OTG a DHC HSF into a XFC SNK MODOK and get mad salty. I'm getting pretty good at it.

I may log on tonight. I got a second guy to 50 recently and I may try to do the Incarnate unlock arc with him. I'll probably need help for it because that character is really bad (like how the 49ers are bad (they're worse than the Seahawks)).

”may contain peanuts” posted:

Yeah I had the same issue and I just ended up making a new account. My security question was something like "what is the best" and I put in everything I could think of: "Seattle Seahawks", "Seattle", "The Emerald City", "Charlie Whitehurst", "The Opposite of the San Francisco 49ers", you know, everything I could think of, but it didn't accept any of it.

”may contain peanuts” posted:

Okay maybe I'm retarded but I don't really get what's going on with Lambda Sector. I thought the way it works is that you could use the Molecular Acid temp powers to shut down the portals spawning in waves of bad guys. Our group got all 10 Acids during the Acid-getting phase, and I'm pretty sure everyone who had one used it, but there were still roughly 800 guys in the courtyard at all times. I'm not really clear on how to not instantly die as soon as you set foot in the courtyard. I think I died more times than the number of times the Seahawks have beaten the 49ers (for those of you who don't follow sports that's a lot because the Seahawks are the best team of all time).


On Dominion:

”may contain peanuts” posted:

”Locus Cosecant“ posted:

KC was a mistake and never should have been printed.
I know right? It seems like at least one of the playtesters should have noticed that it was too good, but I guess none of them did, because the card was printed.

It's kind of like, to use a sports analogy, it's like how the Seahawks get to have both the best quarterback and running back and coach, and lesser teams like the San Francisco 49ers can't compete. That's what King's Court is like. It's too good.

e/n Advice:

”may contain peanuts” posted:

I agree with this dude. You gotta pick your battles; some opinions are so indefensibly awful that it's really not worth getting into an argument about. Like I had a guy the other day try to tell me that the 49ers were a better sports team than the Seahawks, and in my head I'm thinking like "whaaaaat???" but I didn't say anything about it because it was obvious to everyone but him that he was wrong. You don't have to argue about every thing a person says that you disagree with.

On Great SA Posts:

”may contain peanuts” posted:

The problem with TFF quotes is that if you want to share them with someone outside the subforum you usually have to provide some context that spoils the joke, like "Brett Favre's wife had breast cancer" or "the Seattle Seahawks are the greatest football team of all time and Joe Montana was a convicted child molester." It's too bad because if you know the context some of that stuff is real funny.

”may contain peanuts” posted:

”crazylakerfan” posted:

Also, it was after the Seahawks beat the Saints
Honestly I'm not sure how someone could make that mistake. The 49ers haven't even been to the playoffs since 2002, whereas the Seahawks have been several times and won the NFC Championship and are in general terms just a way better team. I thought that was common knowledge.

On Mortal Kombat:

”may contain peanuts” posted:

I was doing the same thing but with the back+X, square, triangle combo (or I guess B+3, 1, 2 if I don't want to completely baffle XBox players, or people who hosed around with their buttons). The best I was able to get was that combo five times in a row for 43% damage, which seems okay. The best part is that the first hit of that combo hits low and the first hit of yours hits high so you could mix people up with them, they're all like, oh man, I don't know which way I block. I mean in theory anyways. It's not like I can get online to try it out, and mixups mean nothing to the computer, it's a perfect blocking machine, sort of like how Russell Okung is a perfect blocking machine for the Seattle Seahawks, part of a great offensive line that's definitely better than what the 49ers have. But yeah, Liu Kang, his corner combos seem pretty good.

Soon it was time for the NFL Draft, and our pal was prepared:

”may contain peanuts” posted:

Probably the thing to expect is for the 49ers to make the dumbest pick possible and then for the Seahawks to draft the player the 49ers should have picked. That's what I'm expecting. In fact I already have several posts pre-written to that effect, so I'll be prepared when it happens.

”may contain peanuts” posted:

Haha booing Goodell. One can only assume it's for creating an unbalanced league in which awful teams like the San Francisco 49ers cannot compete with amazing teams like the Seahawks. Way to do that thing, Goodell!

”may contain peanuts” posted:

It's possible he's crying because he realized he'll never be a Seattle Seahawk, and won't get to play for the best team in the NFL and also the world. Although I guess he could get traded, that's still a thing. Maybe he's crying because he could be traded to the 49ers.

”may contain peanuts” posted:

How much of the future do you know? I'm curious how badly the 49ers gently caress this draft up horribly and how many super bowls the Seahawks end up winning.

I guess your powers are probably limited to knowing the Bengals pick slightly before it happens. Maybe that was a dumb question.

”may contain peanuts” posted:

”Sphyre” posted:

I haven't been paying attention, is this thing still going?
Nope! It ended two months ago, but somehow posting like that for so long has rewired my brain so that all I can think about is how great the Seahawks are! Wow they're great! It's just unbelievable how much better they are at football than the 49ers!

For reals though I got like 250 to go

”may contain peanuts” posted:

Holy poop. What a loving rout! It's like this trade was the Seahawks, and I'm not really sure where this analogy goes from there but the Seahawks are a better team than the 49ers.

”may contain peanuts” posted:

What a terrible pick. I can't believe the 49ers would screw this up so badly as to pick... hold on I didn't actually see who they got. Aldon Smith? Yeah that guy probably sucks. What an awful decision when the guy the Seahawks will eventually draft is still on the board.

”may contain peanuts” posted:

Hey all. Just want to sneak a post in between all y'all freaking out about this football player just picked. Anyone here ever seen the Seattle Seahawks play football? I tell you, amazing, just amazing, they're so good at the game, much better than the 49ers. Alright, that's all from me, go back to freaking out.

”may contain peanuts” posted:

”DrGonzo90” posted:

You really did write these beforehand, didn't you?
Absolutely not! This is my sincere reaction to [player] being drafted as the [nth] pick of the draft, in addition to an unrelated mention of how the [Seahawks] are better than the [49ers].

”may contain peanuts” posted:

Aww. Could be worse, Blane! You could have been drafted first overall by a really bad team, and then have to play against the best team in the league twice a year. That's Alex Smith's situation, I'm referring to Alex Smith.

”may contain peanuts” posted:

They picked secondary last year and it didn't work. Obviously that's not a winning strategy. It's like how last year the 49ers tried picking football players and that didn't work. This year they're going to draft on autopilot and focus their efforts on cloning Pete Carroll.

”may contain peanuts” posted:

”nnnAdam” posted:

i already had my hate reply written thankfully i didn't get to use it
A somewhat enviable position. I didn't even bother writing a hate reply, because it never occurred to me the 49ers would not totally cock up their pick, thus failing once again to rebuild and living forever in the shadow of the mighty Seattle Seahawks.

”may contain peanuts” posted:

”SteelAngel2000” posted:

LSKD:SLFKSL:D

FIRE AJ SMITH gently caress FOOTBALL

That's you on the right, crying.

I'm the dude on the left, I'm all like "Hey did you hear about the Seahawks? I heard they're a really good team, I heard they're better than the 49ers, hey are you listening? Hey!"

”may contain peanuts” posted:

Not a lot of variation. Well there's something to be said for consistency, like how the Seahawks are consistently the best team in the NFL, or how Frank Gore consistently poops himself at the start of the 3rd quarter in every game.

”may contain peanuts” posted:

”Heaf” posted:

Hahah Hillis. Jesus didn't call your plays
Maybe he did????? I mean I know for a fact Jesus helps football teams sometimes, like when he made that huge block for Marshawn Lynch during the playoff game against the Saints. It's in the Bible and everything, right after the chapter about how rooting for the 49ers is a hellworthy sin.

”may contain peanuts” posted:

Wow this section goes on for a while. Get back to the draft! We're getting so close to the Seahawks pick, I'm so anxious to see which player is going to totally dick the 49ers 2 times a year for the next 10 years

”may contain peanuts” posted:

Okay here it comes. This is the only pick of the night that even slightly matters at all. The Seahawks are going to pick so hard that every other pick is undone and the entire building is obliterated in a blinding light, and the 49ers pick is undone a second time because they're real bad.

”may contain peanuts” posted:

Wow. Excellent pick by the Seahawks. Great player, great value at this point in the draft, okay I don't know who this guy is, even so it's the best pick I've ever seen. Why didn't the 49ers take this guy?????

”may contain peanuts” posted:

gently caress you, Ravens! That's the pick I wanted the 49ers to make in round 2! Now they're going to be forced to pick a player who somehow adds negative value to the team, further increasing the skill disparity between them and the incredible Seahawks...

”may contain peanuts” posted:

I dislike the 49ers pick if the player is bad, unless he's like really bad, because then he might distract people from how all the other players on the team are also bad and the Seahawks have better players at every position and Pete Carroll should get a trophy.

”may contain peanuts” posted:

I like this pick. It's time to stop hoping for Alex Smith to turn it around, and time to start hoping this guy starts turning it around after he's an inevitable disappointment. You're not going to get a guy as good as Charlie Whitehurst, so just draft whoever. That's smart drafting.

”may contain peanuts” posted:

Is this a good pick for Cleveland? I know the Browns are changing schemes, so there's that, but Mayock is saying this guy is scheme versatile. But then, Mayock says all sorts of stuff, like that the 49ers make good picks sometimes or that the Seahawks are not made up of ancient Greek dieties. So I'm not sure he's a good analyst.

”may contain peanuts” posted:

You're not missing anything. While they're in commercials Goodell is just at the microphone screaming "Seahawks are #1!" over and over, in an attempt to ward the spirits of Seattle from bringing destruction upon them. It doesn't work, that's why the 49ers keep losing to them.

”may contain peanuts” posted:

Nice that Bowers finally got picked. Now he doesn't have to keep sitting there, wondering, dreading, praying that he's not picked by the 49ers. Although now he can't hope he'll be drafted by the Seahawks, so I guess there's a tradeoff.

”may contain peanuts” posted:

”That Which Squeaks” posted:

Pass rusher please.
Bill hears your prayers, and he answers, "Seahawks are the best! Seahawks are the best team! How can I do everything the Seahawks are doing? How can I avoid the mistakes of the 49ers? Wait, what was your question? Oh, no, we're drafting a runningback."

”may contain peanuts” posted:

0% chance of loving anything up here. The Seahawks have a perfect plan for this draft. In fact they sent this pick in three days ago. They knew who they wanted, they knew who would be available, and they knew they're a better team than the 49ers, but really, who isn't

”may contain peanuts” posted:

Odd pick by the Lions. The Seahawks could have drafted this guy and chose to trade down instead. What does that tell you? It tells you that Leshoure is not Seahawks quality. So why bother? If you're just going to pick bad players on purpose, why not just move to California, put on some red and gold, and call yourselves the Niners?

”may contain peanuts” posted:

That's a bit much to assume after one year of play. Alex Smith looked good his first year too. I think. It's hard to remember back that far. It's just a haze, and then a wave of blue and neon green washes over me, and then I wake up screaming. No Seahawks in my bedroom, but was it really a dream? To be continued...

On... MVC3?

”may contain peanuts” posted:

e: Wrong thread.

Just a heads up though for anyone in this thread who was interested in what I was saying in the other thread. Seattle Seahawks are better at football than the San Francisco 49ers. It's true. I had this whole big thing about it that I just deleted.

Oh, ok. Back to the draft.

”may contain peanuts” posted:

Pretty obvious to me what's happening here. Bill Belichick comes from a future where Ryan Mallet led the Seattle Seahawks to five consecutive super bowl victories followed by the destruction of the earth, so he's just trying to snipe Ryan out from under Seattle. Amusing, but ultimately pointless. One way or another the Seahawks will conquer the planet, and they won't be stopped by anyone, especially not the 49ers, because those guys are bad at sports.

”may contain peanuts” posted:

”R.A. Dickey posted:

Bill Simmons is having something called a "Mallettgasm"


(the worst)
This sucks because now I'm thinking about Bill Simmons having orgasms, and my life was better before I was thinking about that. Although to be fair at least now I've stopped thinking about how much better the Seahawks are than the 49ers. No wait I'm right back to thinking about that.

”may contain peanuts” posted:

Well corner was certainly a position of need for the 49ers, but I have no idea who that guy is, and Mayock is saying he should have gone in the 6th round. Should I be happy about this? Should I be happy about anything? Do I deserve happiness, knowing I root for a team that is immeasurably worse than the Seattle Seahawks, and always will be?

After the draft, the end was finally near, thanks to the mercy of moderator MorningView.

”may contain peanuts” posted:

”Dramatika” posted:

Christ dude, how many posts do you have left on the toxx?
I guess like 213? I've started slowing down as I've gotten completely bored of this. I think I need to bring it to some more subforums to spice it up a bit. It's been a personal goal of mine to get at least one post in each subforum, but some of them are hard to break into. Like I'm not sure how I'll get QCS. "There seems to be an issue with logging into my account from home, it won't accept my password and then a message appears on my screen explaining that the Seattle Seahawks are the best football team? Is this happening because I root for the 49ers, who aren't as good at sports? I tried deleting my cookies but that didn't help."

”MorningView” posted:

Feel free to stop, dude. You've more than lived up to the spirit of the bet and gone way above and beyond the call of duty with this as far as being entertaining goes. If you don't think you can keep it up in an entertaining way then I don't think there's any harm in just calling it. I won't ban you or anything.

”may contain peanuts” posted:

Oh, cool. Thanks.

And thus, it was over.

(courtesy of Silly Burrito)

We of TFF salute you, may contain peanuts. Your toxx brought great joy to all of us in this offseason of uncertainty, and god drat you did this poo poo like a champ.

Cheers, mate.

Mister Fister
May 17, 2008
NON STOP VERBAL DIARRHEA, EMERGING FROM MY KEYBOARD, FOREVER


Ahahaha, thank you for this, i've missed so many of these great posts

quote:

That's you on the right, crying.

I'm the dude on the left, I'm all like "Hey did you hear about the Seahawks? I heard they're a really good team, I heard they're better than the 49ers, hey are you listening? Hey!"



Sticky this thread please.

Silly Burrito
Nov 26, 2007

Not every Manning gets to win a Super Bowl.

Holy crap is that fun to read. Thanks to kidcoelacanth for compiling all the posts and thank you May Contain Peanuts for your awesome Toxx.

Can I nominate MCP for TFF Poster of the Year?

nnnAdam
Jul 8, 2007

Strength in Numbers


Good lord KidC that's some Library of Congress compiling of info. Good work to MCP and you.

WugLyfe
Jul 23, 2007

TFF's billionaire philanthropist of Gotham City, Mass.

Good lord I didn't even see the Seattle Seahawk before. MCP, you're a hell of a good sport and entertaining too. Congrats on your freedom.

MourningView
Sep 2, 2006


Fucked around, got a triple double


I normally hate toxxes like this, but this one was pretty awesome. MCP was a champ about the whole thing, and managed to take what could have been a really annoying gimmick and make something entertaining out of it. Thanks for collecting them all. I'll try to goldmine it.

McKracken
Jun 17, 2005

hup ?


I'm pretty excited to discover the MCP toxx posts I have missed.

Thanks for putting this thread together.

Democrazy
Oct 16, 2008
HOLY SHIT AM I A PRETENTIOUS DOUCHEBAG OR WHAT?
AND NOW I'M OFF TO HARASS ASIAN WOMEN AT STARBUCKS WITH DERANGED HAIKU (PLEASE HOLD ME)


He's a 49ers fan, right?

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adaz
Mar 7, 2009



I wish I could vote all of his posts a 5

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