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Ottoman posted:Wow, you've described me exactly. Been with my boyfriend for nine years. Years ago we had sex three times a week, and now we have it about 2-4 times per month and that doesn't bother him, either, I'd like to have it at least once a week if not more. We've talked about it a lot but nothing ever changes, I have to do all the instigating and half the time he's too tired or not interested and it's sure frustrating. When we do have sex it's amazing but it feels like too much effort getting him there. In my experience, differences in level of sexual interest crop up in nearly every relationship if it lasts for long enough. The reasons for it are pretty varied, but there are some common factors that prevent it from being easily resolved. Firstly, it usually means there is an underlying problem with sex or intimacy in the relationship - maybe simply boredom, maybe the person who doesn't want as much sex has unresolved anxieties about their body or sexuality, or maybe one person feels that they've just been placating the other and doesn't really enjoy the sex. It's certainly possible for people to simply have different levels of interest, but in most relationships I believe it's possible to find a happy middle ground. The second issue is that the person who wants sex least has little motivation for change. More often than not, the person who wants sex will have sex with the other person whenever they want it even if they're not in the mood themselves in order to try and encourage their partner. However, this also means that the person who has less interest can get sex whenever they want it, and have total control of if and when sex happens. Of course, they might want to change for their partner's sake but this is often not enough in itself to motivate behavioural change. In the end, I think sex therapy is a very good option when a relationship reaches this point, but if that's not possible then talking about it is a good start. However, the conversation needs to be about more than just the issue of frequency - it needs to include an open discussion about each partner's experience of sex, how they feel about themselves and each other during sex, fantasies and fears. By taking the focus away from frequency and more fully exploring sex as a whole, it's possible to uncover some of the issues that might underly a partner's lack of interest. Unfortunately, a lot of people are not really ready or able to talk about these things with the level of honesty necessary to make contact and effect change, which is a big part of why therapy can be helpful.
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| # ? Jun 3, 2011 02:53 |
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| # ? May 18, 2013 15:13 |
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Sperg Victorious posted:She does.. and we both know the risks... I'm just trying to see if anyone has used some and what their experience was. As long as she's using the oral contraceptives correctly it doesn't matter what the volume is, there won't be an egg there to fertilize. (I'm not trying to dissuade you from the spermicide here, I've just seen that misconception a lot)
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| # ? Jun 3, 2011 02:56 |
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Yes, 99% effectiveness. We just don't want to be in the 1%. Keep pumping semen up there and eventually you'll hit the 1 in a 100. I appreciate the advice, just like it if someone could answer my question.
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| # ? Jun 3, 2011 03:12 |
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First, that's not how it works. If there's a fertile egg that can implant, one load will do it; if there's not, a hundred loads won't. All it's really going to accomplish is irritation. Second, people will probably know a lot more and have more specific suggestions in the Birth Control Megathread, where this belongs and where birth-control-savvy people hang out.
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| # ? Jun 3, 2011 06:29 |
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Don't know if this is the correct place for this but I don't want to make a new thread in goon doctors. So I slept with one guy and the experience caused a bacterial infection. I was put on a topical gel for 5 days. I took my last "dose" at night and the next morning I slept with someone new. By that point, all the symptoms had been completely gone for days. Now it's 2 days later and I'm just now showing symptoms of what could be a yeast infection. My question: is there anything for my partner to be worried about? I slept with him, unprotected, after the symptoms from the first thing cleared up and it's been almost two days for new ones to show up. I figure it's more likely that having a new partner is causing a reaction but I want to know if I stupidly put him at risk for getting anything. And before anyone says anything, yes it was stupid and clearly my body is telling me to be celibate or at least use condoms. Message recieved.
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| # ? Jun 3, 2011 08:59 |
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ownage police posted:Don't know if this is the correct place for this but I don't want to make a new thread in goon doctors. I don't know if this is helpful at all but every time I take antibiotics I end up with Thrush and the last time it happened I asked the doctor if my partner should be treated as well and she said no. If you're likely to see your partner again I would mention it, but not in an 'I gave you an STD' way, more in a 'bloody antibiotics gave me thrush, watch out for itching' way. But first double check that's what it actually is.
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| # ? Jun 3, 2011 09:54 |
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ownage police posted:My question: is there anything for my partner to be worried about? Call your doctor. Your doctor knows your history, presumably has an idea of what type of bacterial infection it was, whether it is communicable, and the likelihood that you'd develop a yeast infection on that particular type of antibiotic. I'd be willing to bet that it's not an STD since your doctor prescribed a topical antibiotic, but I'm not a doctor and have no idea what I'm talking about. Your doctor has the answer, call them.
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| # ? Jun 3, 2011 11:44 |
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I know 100% it's NOT an STD. It was definitely a bacterial infection (confirmed via slide and STDs ruled out via tests) and it's definitely a yeast infection now. Can either of those even affect men and if so, is it likely to have considering I was asymptomatic at the time of sex? Also, it probably is due to the use of medication. That didn't even dawn on me. In addition to the gel, I'm also on erythromycin.
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| # ? Jun 3, 2011 16:04 |
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Yeast infections aren't a problem for men, but they can pass it back to you, so don't have sex till you're well clear of it.
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| # ? Jun 3, 2011 16:48 |
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ownage police posted:I know 100% it's NOT an STD. It was definitely a bacterial infection (confirmed via slide and STDs ruled out via tests) and it's definitely a yeast infection now. Can either of those even affect men and if so, is it likely to have considering I was asymptomatic at the time of sex? I'm not sure about your question but as a side note, erythromycin is an antibiotic which can interfere with some birth control medications. I sure the folks in the BC thread would know more about that. If it is indeed a yeast infection, it may be caused to poor hygiene (yours or his) and can lead to repeat occurrences. The same for UTI's.
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| # ? Jun 3, 2011 16:55 |
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You still have residual pathogens well after you stop showing symptoms of any infection. How communicable it is depends on what the specific infection was though. IIRC, yeast infections are quite communicable to men but they are symptomatic and this leads to cases where two partners pass it back and forth repeatedly until they decide to stay dry for long enough for both of them to fight it off completely. In your case, you could cease having sex immediately and be relatively sure that if you did pass it to him, he's at about the same stage as you are. So if you give it til a couple days after you clear up, he will probably have cleared up too if he had it.
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| # ? Jun 3, 2011 17:11 |
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ownage police posted:Also, it probably is due to the use of medication. That didn't even dawn on me. In addition to the gel, I'm also on erythromycin. I have fairly frequent UTIs, and every single time I go to the doctor for one, they give me an antibiotic and it clears right up - and within a few days of starting the antibiotic, I have a rampant yeast infection. It's gotten to the point now that my doctor prescribes me an oral treatment (don't remember the drug) at the same time as the antibiotic. Not terribly uncommon, I'm told. It's got something to do with the antibiotics killing things besides the bacteria that cause the initial infection, and throwing off the balance in your lady parts. Some people are more susceptible than others.
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| # ? Jun 3, 2011 20:51 |
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Eggplant Wizard posted:Yeast infections aren't a problem for men, but they can pass it back to you, so don't have sex till you're well clear of it. Interesting. There are no effects for men?
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| # ? Jun 3, 2011 21:08 |
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Lackadaisical posted:Interesting. There are no effects for men? The number they gave us in sex ed was 80/20 - 80% of men will be asymptomatic. Not sure how accurate that is.
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| # ? Jun 3, 2011 22:31 |
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Lackadaisical posted:Interesting. There are no effects for men? No there are effects... it's just a very small number of men who show symptoms. https://www.msu.edu/~eisthen/yeast/men.html has some more info on it.
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| # ? Jun 3, 2011 22:38 |
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My partner and I passed a yeast infection back and forth once. No big deal. He just got some cream and it went away. It just looked like his penis was peeling. That was about it.
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| # ? Jun 4, 2011 05:35 |
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Skywriter posted:My partner and I passed a yeast infection back and forth once. No big deal. He just got some cream and it went away. It just looked like his penis was peeling. That was about it. Really didn't need that mental image, but I knew what I was getting into when I came into this thread. on that note, I actually have a question about STD's. I've been learning a lot over the course of the past 4 years being in a loving relationship, but living in the Midwest, during health class they don't cover poo poo like they should. I know the big ones like HIV and warts don't go away and mainly go into remission (can still be spread but not showing atm), but are there any STD's that actually go away after awhile or is it all *BANG* enjoy for the rest of your life.
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| # ? Jun 4, 2011 20:26 |
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Spiffster posted:Really didn't need that mental image, but I knew what I was getting into when I came into this thread. Chlamydia and gonorrhea are cured with antibiotics I'm fairly certain. Both can mess with your fertility though (I think this is a bigger concern for women than men.)
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| # ? Jun 4, 2011 20:42 |
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Spiffster posted:are there any STD's that actually go away after awhile or is it all *BANG* enjoy for the rest of your life. Sure there are, but keep in mind that the shame says with you for life
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| # ? Jun 4, 2011 21:04 |
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Diseased Dick Guy posted:Chlamydia and gonorrhea are cured with antibiotics I'm fairly certain. Both can mess with your fertility though (I think this is a bigger concern for women than men.) The most dangerous thing about them is that they are often asymptomatic, so you can go for years not knowing you have them. That's why it's important to get tested regularly, not because everyone is a skank who will knowingly pass you horrible diseases but because in most cases they'll have no idea they have anything to pass in the first place.
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| # ? Jun 4, 2011 21:08 |
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So my boyfriend and I just started having sex a few weeks ago. It's my first time ever having sex with anyone and so far it's actually been surprisingly not-painful. We've been trying out a ton of different kinds of condoms and lube and found a nice combination that we both like. Our only issue so far has been that the condom always causes me a noticeable amount of discomfort every time he pulls out -- and I mean on every thrust, each time he pulls back. It's a lot less uncomfortable with thinner condoms (which is what we're using) but it's still noticeable enough that I sometimes have to stop because of the discomfort. I don't really know how to describe what it feels like. It sort of reminds me of the way it felt when we used a ribbed condom one time (which was a horrible idea) -- it's like there's something on the condom that's physically hindering my boyfriend from pulling out smoothly. We're using plenty of water-based lube, and we never have this problem when he doesn't use a condom (I'm also on the patch, but we prefer to keep using condoms as extra assurance. We're only 17 so it's definitely not babytime.) Anyone know what the gently caress? I don't have lingering discomfort or soreness afterwards, it's just while we're having sex, and it's only when he pulls back, not when he pushes forwards.
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| # ? Jun 4, 2011 21:28 |
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Diseased Dick Guy posted:Chlamydia and gonorrhea are cured with antibiotics I'm fairly certain. Both can mess with your fertility though (I think this is a bigger concern for women than men.) Syphilis can also be cured by antibiotics in the early stages.
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| # ? Jun 4, 2011 23:13 |
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Budget Bears posted:So my boyfriend and I just started having sex a few weeks ago. It's my first time ever having sex with anyone and so far it's actually been surprisingly not-painful. We've been trying out a ton of different kinds of condoms and lube and found a nice combination that we both like. I definitely get what you're saying about the way that ribbed condoms feel. I hate them too. When I first used condoms, they almost made me feel itchy inside...it was a strange sensation. You may want to look at a different lube. Some contain glycerin, which can really dry you out/cause discomfort. Make sure you use real condoms, not silly flavored novelty condoms (it sounds like you're trying out different ones, which is good). Is he wearing the condom for a long period of time? The longer he's inside you, the more likely it is to dry out. He may need to change in the middle. It can honestly be that you're still getting used to it all, too. People always joke about older, more experienced women being "stretched out," and there's a grain of truth to that. You're young, you're figuring out what works for you and what doesn't. Be patient with it, take it slowly, don't be afraid to stop if it hurts. Also, you should make sure to go to a gynecologist regularly now anyway, and it wouldn't hurt to bring this up to him/her.
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| # ? Jun 5, 2011 04:28 |
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Budget Bears posted:Anyone know what the gently caress? Have you tried non-latex condoms?
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| # ? Jun 5, 2011 05:03 |
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So I'm sleeping with this dude who's on an antidepressant which makes it hard for him to come, as in it takes forever and sometimes doesn't happen at all (I've not seen him come yet in a handful of sexual encounters). So, I'm doing the normal stuff, communicating with him about what works for him, how he gets himself off, trying to be GGG, learning how to operate a foreskin (how have I not encountered one before? I have no idea), etc. but...is there anything else I can do? Is there some special thing I can do? Has anyone had experience with this issue getting better over time? I guess this isn't entirely a rational line of questioning but in my past experience it's never been very difficult to get a dude to come so I guess I kind of took it for granted, and now I'm feeling a bit insecure  .
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| # ? Jun 5, 2011 10:02 |
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concreteelephant posted:I guess this isn't entirely a rational line of questioning but in my past experience it's never been very difficult to get a dude to come so I guess I kind of took it for granted, and now I'm feeling a bit insecure I just recently started taking antidepressants again and I get this side effect. Basically there's nothing you can do, though if he's started them recently it may become less noticeable over time. If he's started them recently he'll probably find techniques over time that work for him as well, but I wouldn't worry too much about it unless you or he see it as being a major issue.
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| # ? Jun 5, 2011 10:15 |
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I hope this is the right thread for this, as I dunno where else to ask. I rarely seem to get off, whether by myself or with another person. Doesn't matter if it's with a toy, using fingers, oral, or sex, I start to feel pleasure but then it plateaus-it doesn't have that "burst" feeling that a climax does, so it just tapers off until it hurts. Getting off happens maybe 10% of the time and, even worse, when it does happen, I usually get overwhelming feelings of misery and regret, so I can't even enjoy it when it does manage to payoff. Adding to the difficulty is my boyfriend is rather large (both length and girth wise) while I am very tight, so it takes a while to even get it into me and, by that point, any residual pleasure built up from foreplay begins to waver. It never actually hurts but sex feels so uncomfortable and not pleasurable that the handful of times I've actually done it were not really fun. It's ok for now, as I'm currently in a LDR, but he plans on moving here in the fall and I'm worried about letting him down. Last time we fooled around, I pretty much stuck to making him happy and not making him waste time trying to get me off because it's so futile anymore. I can't help but feel that's how I should just continue so at least he's happy. 
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| # ? Jun 5, 2011 12:36 |
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concreteelephant posted:I guess this isn't entirely a rational line of questioning but in my past experience it's never been very difficult to get a dude to come so I guess I kind of took it for granted, and now I'm feeling a bit insecure It's really not you, but I know it's easy to understand that mentally and a lot harder to fully convince yourself of it. If it bothers him then he may need to talk to his doctor about trying another medication. Just because he has this side effect on one of them does not mean he will have it on all of them. If it doesn't bother him, you may need to learn to just accept it. Remember that just because he doesn't orgasm doesn't mean he isn't enjoying the sex. Definitely continue to be open with him, not only about what specifically works for him, but also with your feelings about how this changes the sex for you. I dated someone who was having this side effect from his anti-depressants and it did get better over time as we got more used to each other, but never fully went away until he went onto a different medication.
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| # ? Jun 5, 2011 12:52 |
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I dated a guy once with a similar problem. I can understand how it can get you feeling insecure at times. Try to realize that it's really not your fault, and doesn't necessarily even have to be a bad thing for you - enjoy the marathon loving you'll be able to do since he doesn't come right away. The guy I dated found it was easier for him to get himself off afterwards so we just worked that into it and everyone came out a winner. Oh yeah, and try not to push him about it or get upset visibly, it's not something he can help, and if he sees you getting upset over it it will only put more pressure on him and make it even tougher for him to finish. That's not to say don't talk about it, definitely do, but looking all miserable while he's still trying to come is going to be very counterproductive.
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| # ? Jun 5, 2011 14:43 |
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I've been with my fiance for 7 years now, and we're getting married this September. She's on antidepressants for a little under a year now, and it totally kills her sex drive. I think the last time we fooled around was Valentine's Day (Feb. 14, just for clarification), and I think that was mostly simply because it's Valentine's Day. I understand why she needs antidepressants- we're poor, my job situation is less than ideal.. It's all money, really. Even when we DO mess around (which, remember- hasn't been in a few months), she can't get off, no matter what we try. She says it's like a glass wall- she can SEE the orgasm, she just can't get to it. So she's lost interest in the sex aspect of our relationship. But we're deeply in love, and genuinely love being together and doing things together, and I like the way she is on the antidepressants otherwise.. I just don't know how to keep from going crazy in the meantime. And, I see what advice is thrown around in E/N, and for the love of loving God, goons- I'm not going to sever a 7 year relationship because she doesn't want to gently caress right now... I've attempted to- just for my own sanity- try to coax her into the bedroom a few times, but she (thinks she) knows how it will end, and she doesn't have the urge to try. But I tell her it's like when I give her a foot massage- I, physically, get no pleasure or benefit for the act, but it makes me feel better knowing I made her feel better. Sadly.. that doesn't work. Any other angle I can approach this at?
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| # ? Jun 5, 2011 14:49 |
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Can someone explain the emotional side of periods? I have been seeing a girl for 6 months and whenever she is on her period things always seem to go sideways. Some days on her period, she will be really frisky (but always deny sex because she isn't comfortable with it while on her period) other days she is completely cold and boderline shuns me in a way. My last girlfriends were never like this. What's the deal? What prompted this question, was that I felt a bit bummed leaving her place last night. I just wanted to cheer her up with a good night kiss and some light touching but she wasn't having any of it. Frustrating that 2 days ago we were all over each other and when the period comes all changes. Enigma89 fucked around with this message at Jun 5, 2011 around 16:23 |
| # ? Jun 5, 2011 16:18 |
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Enigma89 posted:Can someone explain the emotional side of periods? I have been seeing a girl for 6 months and whenever she is on her period things always seem to go sideways. Some days on her period, she will be really frisky (but always deny sex because she isn't comfortable with it while on her period) other days she is completely cold and boderline shuns me in a way. My last girlfriends were never like this. What's the deal? For me personally, the "emotional rollercoaster" part of a period happens the week before the actual bleeding starts, not so much during (clearly your mileage may vary there though). As for what it's like, basically my patience goes out the window during that week. All those little annoying things that happen in life that I normally can deal with calmly just annoy the hell out of me. I tend to kind of go off to myself too because those little quirks that people have will just make me so incredibly angry during that time and I don't want to take it out on them. Plus I just don't really feel very sociable at all, like I don't want anyone messing with me. But I can't really speak for what your girlfriend is feeling since every woman kind has their own experience with this. Maybe it's just the way her individual personality reacts to the hormonal changes and everything.
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| # ? Jun 5, 2011 16:35 |
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Hanky Church posted:I hope this is the right thread for this, as I dunno where else to ask. Okay. There are obviously two separate issues here. The first, and most important, is your attitude toward masturbation and/or orgasm. There is no reason to feel miserable or regretful when you are able to get off. It's a completely normal, hopefully enjoyable experience. There is nothing to feel ashamed of. You are not dirty, or sinful, or bad, or any of that, so the first thing you need to do is relax and think of it as something you are doing to learn about what you like and what feels good. I think that will definitely help with situation number two, which is probably being affected by the other issue. I think you've created some mental roadblocks and anxiety for yourself, and panic is going to make things very tight and uncomfortable for you. You're psyching yourself out. That's not to say that it isn't hard to get used to being with a guy who is really big - I get that, totally - but that you need to, again, relax and enjoy the experience. Use lots of lube. Take it slowly. Try different positions to see what feels best. I would advise starting with you on top because you can completely control how far he goes in, and how slowly, and if it hurts too much, you can stop it. He will understand and be patient with you. In the meantime, look at the time away from him as an opportunity to learn more about what gets you aroused. Try some toys. Watch porn if you want. It's nothing to feel badly about.
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| # ? Jun 5, 2011 16:35 |
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Enigma89 posted:Can someone explain the emotional side of periods? I have been seeing a girl for 6 months and whenever she is on her period things always seem to go sideways. Some days on her period, she will be really frisky (but always deny sex because she isn't comfortable with it while on her period) other days she is completely cold and boderline shuns me in a way. My last girlfriends were never like this. What's the deal? This is perhaps the most "It depends on the person" question ever posted in this thread. Some girls are virtually unaffected by their periods (mood-wise), while others experience some serious changes. It's also not consistent between cycles and depends on at what point they are in the cycle too. Anecdotal information: When on her period, my girlfriend goes from sexually indifferent near the beginning to an insatiable bedroom beast as it ends. Mood-wise it tends to vary, though generally her patience is a little thinner during this time. Regardless, her mood never nears "unreasonable" territory by any means. Her affectionate behavior changes as well. I notice that the way she kisses and cuddles is different when she is on her period. It's quite nice 
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| # ? Jun 5, 2011 16:44 |
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TShields posted:Any other angle I can approach this at?
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| # ? Jun 5, 2011 16:44 |
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Engelbrecht posted:Change her antidepressants. Side-effects vary, so look for one that isn't a passion-killer. Agreed. If it bothers your girlfriend, she should ask the doc if there's a different med she can try. Lexapro killed my sex drive, for instance, while my friend called it "Sexapro" and said it made her horny all the time. I'm currently on Zoloft and my sex drive is through the roof. It varies so much from person to person.
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| # ? Jun 5, 2011 18:54 |
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Enigma89 posted:Can someone explain the emotional side of periods? I have been seeing a girl for 6 months and whenever she is on her period things always seem to go sideways. Some days on her period, she will be really frisky (but always deny sex because she isn't comfortable with it while on her period) other days she is completely cold and boderline shuns me in a way. My last girlfriends were never like this. What's the deal? One word: hormones. Well, two, hormonal imbalances. For most girls, getting your period sucks (pregnancy scares aside). Bleeding, bloating, everything being an irritant. I know when I'm on mine, sex is the last thing I want, but with the headaches, an orgasm would be drat nice too. Mine used to last five long days of bad cramps. Now it's down to three, which is awesome for time, but sucks because the five days feels compressed to three. I'm exhausted every day, supercrabby, and have little to no appetite. On a better note, for any goons wanting something bright in bed, TooTimid's free toy has a loving STROBE LIGHT: http://www.tootimid.com/strobe-light-glass-sex-toy.html
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| # ? Jun 5, 2011 20:48 |
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Cowslips Warren posted:
Wait, WHAT? What possible purpose does that serve? I have been thinking of trying out glass toys though... Anyone here have any experiences to share?
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| # ? Jun 5, 2011 21:17 |
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For 4 bucks shipping, I might try it just as a backup flashlight.
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| # ? Jun 5, 2011 22:38 |
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| # ? May 18, 2013 15:13 |
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chapstickie posted:Wait, WHAT? What possible purpose does that serve? Are you mad? It's a disco in your vagina. A disco in your vagina.
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| # ? Jun 6, 2011 00:39 |
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