Stargate: "I do not understand why everything in the script must inevitably explode."

The Something Awful Forums > The Finer Arts > TV IV > Stargate: "I do not understand why everything in the script must inevitably explode."

Yaos: Feb 22, 2003; She is a cat of significant gravy.

Tits lets you know the show is serious, however they have to be attractive lady tits and they can only be shown once. Nothing else can ever be shown. Anybody remember the Overstock commercial where the woman was naked for no reason? They show her head up and then at the end they show she's been sitting naked on a couch, like I can't see tits on the Internet or my cats.

I'm glad Stargate is over, it means they can't ruin it any more. Maybe in 20 years we'll get Stargate: The Next Generation.

# ¿ Jul 28, 2011 02:01

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# ¿ May 18, 2024 01:39

Yaos: Feb 22, 2003; She is a cat of significant gravy.

Vorgen posted:

So the uniquity of tits online is diluting the power of tits in popular media? Fascinating, I should do some serious research on this topic...

I've spent the last few days reviewing the teets on my three cats. Each have six teets arranged in a 3x2 pattern. When laid out on a grid of space with Earth at the center and drawing lines between all of the teets I discovered that every line intersected over Earth. Do you guys think my cat teets are the secret to traveling through the universe? Purrhaps there's a catgate somewhere on the planet and we have to use all the cats to rub against it to provide the power to run it like in Futurama with the cats.

Now that the cat teet talk is over, I have a question. What was Rodney doing being one of the first people breaching a building? This was the one where the space Nazis had some prisoners and a ZPM and Chief O'Brian was a space Nazi. I could see Rodney being the last one so he could check the ZPM and make sure there are no space bombs, but he was like the 3rd or 4th person in. Since when did Rodney get training on breaching and clearing a building?

# ¿ Jul 30, 2011 07:34

Yaos: Feb 22, 2003; She is a cat of significant gravy.

Gaz-L posted:

I think if you're on a field team you either get training, or you pick stuff up. Daniel went from being the skitish guy with just a sidearm to clearing rooms with a P90 in SG-1.

Are there any other SG teams that have an armed scientist? There are other teams with scientists, but when we see them they are always fat, autistic, or both. Maybe Rodney will be Capt. Picard one day, he was pretty on the ball. McKay did go from randomly firing his gun in the air to knowing how to handle himself after the first Wraith attack, maybe it was character development. :eek:

He still hated exercise even though he had no problem going on long treks through the gate.

They should make a Stargate series with McKay running a space station.

# ¿ Jul 31, 2011 05:52

Yaos: Feb 22, 2003; She is a cat of significant gravy.

How about a series from the Gho'uld's side point of view made out like it's Vietnam. We follow a squad of Jaffa, there's a jumpy one that see humans behind every tree and another one that keeps ignoring orders and running off. We get flash forwards to them after the war, maybe one serves with SGC and he can't get over what happened and he thought working with humans would help him get over it.

I'm still waiting for the WW2 Stargate series that retcons the Ori out of existence so we can see battles between free Jaffa and Jaffa loyal to their now deposed gods. It could be called Stargate: Band of Jaffa.

# ¿ Jul 31, 2011 06:05

Yaos: Feb 22, 2003; She is a cat of significant gravy.

Vorgen posted:

Hey I just thought of something else related to season 5 of Atlantis. You know how they tricked fake-Weir and her replicator buddies into jumping through a stargate into another stargate in orbit? Well... what's to stop that from happening normally? There are stargates on the surface of many worlds, with DHDs and everything. What's to stop some hapless farmer from experimentally dialing a new gate address and stepping through into eternal oblivion?

Nothing at all.

Even in the movie they used a robot to go through first. The ancients left their poo poo laying all over the place after they ascended or moved to Earth or turned into molemen and then when they get called on it they say, "we can't interfere." You left a network of travel devices laying around the galaxy that allowed some snakes to take it over and suddenly you can't interfere? This is not lovely writing either, lots of Stargate characters are aware of this. It would like if we left Earth and left all of our Uranium laying about every where.

There is something pretty stupid the SGC neglected to do, they accepted connections from any Stargate. They should have had a secondary site that they only allow travelers from, if you try it from any other Stargate the iris stays closed even if you give the correct code. It would not have stopped all attacks like when Anubis aimed a particle accelerator at them, but plenty of them would have failed to reach Earth. Before you can get back to Earth they make sure you're not filled with a virus that will turn you into a cave man, or that you're not a secret alien pretending to be a main character again.

Yaos fucked around with this message at 23:26 on Aug 5, 2011

# ¿ Aug 5, 2011 23:19

Yaos: Feb 22, 2003; She is a cat of significant gravy.

bobkatt013 posted:

Just watched the episode where Teal'c moves into an apartment and bangs Lois Lane. I forgot how horrible that episode it.

There are two episode types in sci-fi that will always suck; the boxing episode and the romance episode.

# ¿ Aug 11, 2011 00:53

Yaos: Feb 22, 2003; She is a cat of significant gravy.

Idran posted:

Not to mention needing six of them.

They use 6 coordinates to define a volume of space in the shape of a cube. This way they can contact a Startgate without needing to know it's exact location, only it's general location. There is no way for anybody on Earth to have known this before going through the Stargate, and there is no way Daniel would have ever figured it out because he's terrible at math. He does not even know that the concept of zero is required for space travel.

However, this only makes sense if they intend the Stargate to be used by people that would not understand a complex numbering system so obviously the ancients meant for it to be used by anybody because the ancients don't give a poo poo. They intended to leave the gate network behind the entire time, and then when they get called for help because of that gate network they say, "nope, prime directive, sorry!"

# ¿ Aug 14, 2011 05:57

Yaos: Feb 22, 2003; She is a cat of significant gravy.

JetsGuy posted:

I'm not saying it really bothers me, it's just stupid. Basically, using Earth constellations to define a point in space... you'd be defining the Earth in the Earth's frame. This is because the constellations would only look that way to the Earth from our star. It's like standing in a room and trying to declare the position of someone on the other side of the planet by naming a point on each of the walls around you. All you're doing is defining your position, not the position of your destination.

It' not like it makes sense even if every planet has a unique gate, it's not like you'll know the exact position of every constellation; from the planet you'll have no way of knowing how far away a star is unless you wait a few months and use your caveman trigonometry to figure out the distance. The only reason to not use a complex numbering system or a computer that asks where in the galaxy you want to go is so people who have no idea what number or planets are can use the system, so the users of the system would never even have a clue what the constellations are supposed to mean. They could have just easily used barn yard animals. That would be more exciting when they have to remember what the sequence was, "I think a cow, and then a bull, and then a turkey" *turns into an ancient*.

Or the whole thing was open source and as we all know, open source UIs are terrible and make no sense.

Edit: For everybody that has not been following the Star Trek thread I have a special treat for you!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X8U4B8gnK-w

# ¿ Aug 15, 2011 04:02

Yaos: Feb 22, 2003; She is a cat of significant gravy.

What if you took an active gate and pushed it through another active gate? Would they explode? Would they make a baby gate?

Jimbot posted:

What's so terrible about the first season for you? I found the first three seasons to be my favorite.

That lady got naked but O'Neil never got naked. :argh:

Yaos fucked around with this message at 02:46 on Aug 17, 2011

# ¿ Aug 17, 2011 02:42

Yaos: Feb 22, 2003; She is a cat of significant gravy.

IRQ posted:

The whole thing seems like it was just hilariously unnecessary and ill-conceived.

Welcome to everything post SG-1 and Atlantis. We get a stupid SG-1 movie to end a storyline that should have never had happened, and then another one that was bad and time travel. The only good time travel ending was Star Trek: TNG, just give up everybody else. Then, just to make sure the franchise stays good and dead, they release Battlestar Gatetica.

They claim they are going to make sequels to the original Stargate movie that have nothing to do with the series. I'm sure they'll try to package it all together and confuse the hell out of everybody.

# ¿ Aug 21, 2011 05:53

Yaos: Feb 22, 2003; She is a cat of significant gravy.

Problem with FTL is everybody always wants to travel through space to do it, I don't see what's so great about space. Why don't you just exit the universe and travel to wherever you want to go and then come back in? So much simpler than all this physics nonsense.

# ¿ Aug 24, 2011 23:23

Yaos: Feb 22, 2003; She is a cat of significant gravy.

Drighton posted:

Whoa whoa whoa, what's all this Star Trek comparison to SG1? SGU is the TNG of Stargate, and Eli is it's Wesley Crusher.

SG1 just has more of a TOS feel: foam scenery, wobbly staff weapons, etc.

The early episodes were pretty TOS. The best one was the episode where they crash a UAV into a plant and make all the plant people sick. The UAV video is very obviously somebody with a camera since it's about 5 feet off the ground and not moving, and all the plant people have zippers on their backs. No attempt to hide it either, they kept putting their backs to the camera and you can see them just fine.

# ¿ Sep 16, 2011 04:42

Yaos: Feb 22, 2003; She is a cat of significant gravy.

I caught a few seconds of that SyFy movie Morlocks, Hewlet is a super smart doctor that's arogant and annoyed all the time. He has to travel ~~off world~~ to the future to find a ~~ZPM~~ some device while they fend off ~~Wraith~~ monsters. Robert Picardo is also in the movie, he's the leader of the base.

# ¿ Sep 25, 2011 02:33

Yaos: Feb 22, 2003; She is a cat of significant gravy.

It ends with somebody giving a pitch for Voyager, then the camera pans to look out a window and Ba'al is standing their laughing while writing everything down.

# ¿ Jan 14, 2012 22:18

Yaos: Feb 22, 2003; She is a cat of significant gravy.

Ten Forward, Observation Lounge, they are all a bunch of lay abouts if you ask me. Why, back in my day each crewmember only had a thousand square feet to theirselves, we were real men back then, not like today with your warp 9.99 drives and your biology based computers and your eps conduits. When I was your age we had to travel on half impulse through Klingon controlled space every day to get to school and we never complained.

# ¿ Apr 3, 2012 02:58

Yaos: Feb 22, 2003; She is a cat of significant gravy.

Maybe after I sing this song you folks will change your mind about Teyla.

She came from a planet far away
With lots of hills and places for kids to play
She's a human but also part Wraith
Then the Wraith blew up her home
THE WRAITH BLEW UP HER HOME!

Let that sink in a bit.

# ¿ Apr 21, 2012 05:34

Yaos: Feb 22, 2003; She is a cat of significant gravy.

If Robert Picardo is there ask him why he wasn't the doctor in Atlantis.

# ¿ Jul 4, 2012 17:11

Yaos: Feb 22, 2003; She is a cat of significant gravy.

It's easier to implement their security system with the existing system than implement it by hijacking the signal from a DHD. Later on they had no problem reprogramming DHDs so that's not true either.

# ¿ Jul 6, 2012 00:18

Yaos: Feb 22, 2003; She is a cat of significant gravy.

I'm not seeing what the big deal is, warp drive was discovered after a world war that killed tons of people and we skipped out on the eugenics wars so we're going pretty good so far. We have the stargate so it's not like we need ships to explore other worlds any way. It all has to be made in America though, don't want those god drat aliens taking our jobs, the same ones that got killed off by space vampires. :rolleyes:

Yaos fucked around with this message at 05:39 on Jul 7, 2012

# ¿ Jul 7, 2012 05:36

Yaos: Feb 22, 2003; She is a cat of significant gravy.

Ancient code is so bad it was easier to create a translation layer that allowed DHDs to nativly run C than it was to figure out their gobbeldy gook.

The design of the Stargates only make sense if you want them to be used by cave people. A good design would provide the user with a map of the galaxy with the location of all other gates and their status. Before connecting the gate on the other side would send up to date status information so you don't accidently walk into a giant pool of space lava. By default each side must provide security keys, this provides another layer of security in case space terrorists have taken over the Stargate or want to travel through the Stargate. This is also more complicated so hopefully after a few million years it will be broken so Cletus the cave man can't turn it on.

Instead we get a bunch of buttons that a baby could roll around on and accidently open up a portal to the capital of the Space Vampires or a drat black hole.

Oh, all the error checking should be done by the gate, not an easily removable device that can simply ignore any errors through by the gate.

Ancients were huge dicks.

Asguard are better, their content creation systems are amazing and they don't leave random poo poo all over the galaxy. Somehow they can't wrap their heads around kenetic weapons though, as though they have never seen a space rock hit a space planet.

# ¿ Aug 7, 2012 18:35

Yaos: Feb 22, 2003; She is a cat of significant gravy.

Wheeze posted:

Why is it 90% Stargate, but then there are also randomly lightsabers and Vipers?

That's not the only thing wrong, the tunnel in the base is curved and the door is built into the side of it, not about 50 feet into the tunnel. The zat gun effect is completely wrong and I'm sure many of the gun sounds are way off too. Now that music beat, that was pretty cool, a 3 and a half minute loop of 3 beats. Much like you have to lock (or engage as me and my buddies call it :lol:

)7 chevrons, which is 3+3+1 (3 minutes, 3 beats, 1 song), so the music is very reminiscent of the gate dialing out.

I'm pretty sure those were the tanks on Naboo at the end.

# ¿ Oct 4, 2012 00:42

Yaos: Feb 22, 2003; She is a cat of significant gravy.

Effingham posted:

He's looked better, but I think Amanda's still worth tapping.

Some of the cut stuff from Stargate was really weird.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZfVbGslsZ8A

# ¿ Oct 14, 2012 03:14

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# ¿ May 18, 2024 01:39

Yaos: Feb 22, 2003; She is a cat of significant gravy.

Think if you got to be in the SGC, but you were one of the jello placers the whole time. You get body jacked, almost blown up pretty much every week, almost sucked into a black hole, constantly jumping at the base wide klaxon. Then one day they tell you that you are the greatest Jello placer they have ever seen, you are going off world.

You imagine all the aliens you'll meet, all the cool stuff you'll be doing. You go through the gate and arrive at off world base QR-3739 and are handed your assignment, jello placer. God drat it.

# ¿ Jan 4, 2013 14:24

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