The bing to the McNugget bong, the ding to the dong: Ads You Hate.

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The Something Awful Forums > The Finer Arts > The TV IV > The bing to the McNugget bong, the ding to the dong: Ads You Hate.

Parachute: May 18, 2003; In space no one can tickle your balls

Red Warrior posted:

Grout Bully.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sKsM3jgiRR4

First it uses one of the Windows notification message sounds so when it airs I think I've got mail or something.

Second it claims to kill the mold to make it white, but later in the commercial they have the different colours so obviously it's just painting over it.

Third the application brush is way way wider than any grout lines are going to be, so you waste a huge amount every time you apply it.

And the toothpaste-white grout looks like poo poo if, like in the commercial, the tile is beige.

# ? Mar 19, 2012 20:18

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# ? May 18, 2013 13:23

Malachite_Dragon: Mar 31, 2010; hatchets hatchets hatchets hatchets hatchets hatchets hatchets hatchets hatchets hatchets hatchets hatchets hatchets hatchets hatchets hatchets hatchets hatchets hatchets hatchets hatchets

I just saw that god awful "sushi p-ushi" commercial and never before have I wanted so badly to reach through the screen and strangle an actor.

# ? Mar 19, 2012 20:38

Rirse: May 6, 2006; ASK ME ABOUT KEEPING A SCARECROW IN MY ROOM AND THE TWITTER THAT MOCKING ME

I suggest when we make the next thread that the title be about Go Daddy, because I don't think they have ever had a single good ad. Everyone of their commercials has been awful, non stop.

# ? Mar 20, 2012 01:27

ElectricSheep: Jan 14, 2006

Rirse posted:

I suggest when we make the next thread that the title be about Go Daddy, because I don't think they have ever had a single good ad. Everyone of their commercials has been awful, non stop.

Well, obviously you didn't get to see the UNRATED CONTENT on their website that they can't show you on TV!

...ridiculous as that line is, it delivered hits to the site and probably continues to do so.

# ? Mar 20, 2012 01:36

muscles like this?: Jan 17, 2005; BOGGLE?

Rirse posted:

I suggest when we make the next thread that the title be about Go Daddy, because I don't think they have ever had a single good ad. Everyone of their commercials has been awful, non stop.

The most annoying part of their commercials is how they they always go "ooh, go to our website for the UNCENSORED version of the commercial!" acting like they show nudity in them.

# ? Mar 20, 2012 01:38

Arschlochkind: Mar 28, 2010

Malachite_Dragon posted:

I just saw that god awful "sushi p-ushi" commercial and never before have I wanted so badly to reach through the screen and strangle an actor.

Oh man, I'm right there with you. You know how you joke around about getting pissed at a commercial or wanting to sock an actor in the face, but that loving pee-yushi guy is one of the first ads to make legitimate anger boil up inside me.

# ? Mar 20, 2012 03:29

rockinricky: Mar 27, 2003

Looks like the Ginger Neckbeard is done.

http://www.businessweek.com/news/20...-by-fraud-suits

Apparently, their service was just a bunch of bullshit.

# ? Mar 20, 2012 03:42

SpazmasterX: Jul 13, 2006; MORE ROBUST THAN EVER BEFORE

What is it with celebrities and having kids with Autism? There's gotta be something in their fancy bottled water if 1 in 110 celebrity's children are coming out autistic.

# ? Mar 20, 2012 09:23

Iron Crowned: May 6, 2003; Stained sweatpants. Bad facial hair. Shrill voice. Spergin rules knowledge. Casino dice. CHECK. Games Day, here I come!

muscles like this? posted:

The most annoying part of their commercials is how they they always go "ooh, go to our website for the UNCENSORED version of the commercial!" acting like they show nudity in them.

I know I saw one of those at the behest of either the last thread or the thread before it. The UNCENSORED version is even more cringeworthy than what they show on TV because it has about a minute more of awkward gyrating.

# ? Mar 20, 2012 12:43

SpacePig: Apr 4, 2007; He's always
right there.

At least the newer commercials mention what GoDaddy does. The old ones just left me scratching my head, wondering why there was an ad for a softcore porn site during prime-time.

# ? Mar 20, 2012 13:20

Darth Freddy: Feb 6, 2007; An Emperor's slightest dislike is transmitted to those who serve him, and there it is amplified into rage.

You know Nerf is possibly the most brilliant company ever or the dumbest with the way they market their kids toys. With commercials of guys in their 20s playing nerf tag out in the woods/parks and what have you. I don't know if the nailed their target group or not.

# ? Mar 20, 2012 21:16

McSpanky: Jan 16, 2005

Darth Freddy posted:

You know Nerf is possibly the most brilliant company ever or the dumbest with the way they market their kids toys. With commercials of guys in their 20s playing nerf tag out in the woods/parks and what have you. I don't know if the nailed their target group or not.

Have you ever seen a goon Nerf thread in GBS? They're right on target.

# ? Mar 20, 2012 21:57

Arschlochkind: Mar 28, 2010

SpazmasterX posted:

What is it with celebrities and having kids with Autism? There's gotta be something in their fancy bottled water if 1 in 110 celebrity's children are coming out autistic.

Reminds me of that Autism Speaks commercial.

"I think somebody at my brother's school has this thing called 'autism'."

"My friend's brother's son has autism."

"My neighbor's son has autism."

"My son has autism."

"I have autism!"

"ME AM AUTISM."

# ? Mar 20, 2012 21:59

raditts: Feb 21, 2001; The Kwanzaa Bot is here to protect me.

McSpanky posted:

Have you ever seen a goon Nerf thread in GBS? They're right on target.

Yeah, but if any of those goons have friends, surely those friends aren't people willing to play Nerf with them.

# ? Mar 20, 2012 23:51

Darth Freddy: Feb 6, 2007; An Emperor's slightest dislike is transmitted to those who serve him, and there it is amplified into rage.

McSpanky posted:

Have you ever seen a goon Nerf thread in GBS? They're right on target.

I must of missed the one where fat neckbeards were modding their Mavericks to fire 5.56 rounds.

# ? Mar 20, 2012 23:56

vyst: Aug 25, 2009; Hoegaarden and Friendship.

This av/title brought to you by Vyst complaining about his old avatar.

rockinricky posted:

Looks like the Ginger Neckbeard is done.

http://www.businessweek.com/news/20...-by-fraud-suits

Apparently, their service was just a bunch of bullshit.

Holy poo poo what a scumbag company. They are almost as bad as those Native American quick loan places.

# ? Mar 21, 2012 00:31

Codependent Poster: Oct 20, 2003; Emergency induction port.

vyst posted:

Holy poo poo what a scumbag company. They are almost as bad as those Native American quick loan places.

Not really. The Native American commercials pretty much tell you it's expensive as gently caress.

# ? Mar 21, 2012 00:36

CapnAndy: Feb 27, 2004; This is easily the funniest page of any of these threads.

Codependent Poster posted:

Not really. The Native American commercials pretty much tell you it's expensive as gently caress.

Yeah, those are the least scummy of a very scummy business. At least they've got the honesty to say "look, we're going to charge you nearly usurous rates if you do this".

# ? Mar 21, 2012 01:09

Meowjesty: Oct 23, 2009; _{No wonder you're like this.}

I can't tell if this commercial is for vodka or some weird brand of motor oil. Does vodka come in Listerine blue?

# ? Mar 21, 2012 02:42

ElwoodCuse: Jan 11, 2004; we're puttin' the band back together

The latest in the long line of brilliant ideas from the NHL:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z3YhJo7x1ww

"Hey remember how everyone loved our ads where we showed truly epic performances, both recent and historic? Well gently caress that, let's just go with a 'woooooo grab a beer and party with your bros!' angle this year."

# ? Mar 21, 2012 06:53

Jubs: Jul 10, 2006

Uncle Salty posted:

This maxwell House (I think) coffee ad keeps playing on hulu, with a boring white couple having French press coffee in a restaurant (think white tablecloth, a waiter in a tie is plunging their coffee). A dude (the guy is very familiar, can't place him) with a kind of 'blue-collar guy' jacket on comes up to the couple's table with a regular drip coffee machine stuck under his arm, complains about French press pots having plungers, talks about how he likes French fries and then asks the waiter to plug in his coffee machine, so he can make this couple a better cup of coffee.

Reminds me of the Schillervision Hidden Camera SNL skit: http://www.hulu.com/watch/4154/satu...n-hidden-camera

# ? Mar 21, 2012 08:46

Fauxhawk Express: Oct 28, 2007; Kidnapping an audience member? 10 POINTS!!!

ElwoodCuse posted:

The latest in the long line of brilliant ideas from the NHL:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z3YhJo7x1ww

"Hey remember how everyone loved our ads where we showed truly epic performances, both recent and historic? Well gently caress that, let's just go with a 'woooooo grab a beer and party with your bros!' angle this year."

"But no casual fans knew what was going on the old commercials maaaaaan"

Which is almost literally their marketing department's angle for these new commercials. These new ads are basically every light beer commercial ever, save for the lack of misogyny and homophobia.

# ? Mar 21, 2012 18:57

vyst: Aug 25, 2009; Hoegaarden and Friendship.

This av/title brought to you by Vyst complaining about his old avatar.

Jubs posted:

Reminds me of the Schillervision Hidden Camera SNL skit: http://www.hulu.com/watch/4154/satu...n-hidden-camera

Every time i see a coffee commercial like that I think of this spoof from a Canadian PSA

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6u3f...lf=results_main

# ? Mar 21, 2012 19:53

DrBouvenstein: Feb 28, 2007; I think I'm a doctor, but that doesn't make me a doctor. This fancy avatar does.

Just saw an anti-smoking PSA which was just a fat, bed-ridden woman saying smoking turned her into a fat, bed-ridden woman and she has to rely on people, like nurses or her son, to clean her and change her diaper.

Meanwhile, we are treated to nice close-up shots of her son wiping the inside of her thighs!

# ? Mar 21, 2012 21:12

Farbtoner: May 17, 2011; by Y Kant Ozma Post

SpazmasterX posted:

What is it with celebrities and having kids with Autism? There's gotta be something in their fancy bottled water if 1 in 110 celebrity's children are coming out autistic.

One of the few concrete links with occurence autism is the age of the mother, where older women are exponentially more likely to have autistic children. I'm guessing more celebrities wait until they're older to have kids.

# ? Mar 21, 2012 21:17

CRINDY: Sep 23, 2010; woofing cough

I'm sure it's been touched upon by you guys, but the Doritos Taco Taco Bell commercial is terrible and I hate it.

I want to make an edit of it where "We Are Young" is playing, but instead it's

"TONIIIIIIIGHT
WE ARE DUMB"

# ? Mar 22, 2012 01:20

404GoonNotFound: Aug 6, 2006; The McRib is back!?!?

Not hate, but something I have to point out: That's Garrus/Brandon Keener in the new AT&T ad (the speed dating one), right? I'm not crazy? Because goddamn I'd recognize that voice anywhere.

# ? Mar 22, 2012 01:29

Hasters: Jun 9, 2010; Look to the past and remember no fempire rises that sooner or later won't fall.

404GoonNotFound posted:

Not hate, but something I have to point out: That's Garrus/Brandon Keener in the new AT&T ad (the speed dating one), right? I'm not crazy? Because goddamn I'd recognize that voice anywhere.

No, it's him; I wish he would get a regular announcing gig so I could hear him weekly/daily.

# ? Mar 22, 2012 04:16

rockamiclikeavandal: Jul 2, 2010

HOPPAH!

# ? Mar 22, 2012 04:41

ElectricSheep: Jan 14, 2006

I'm getting pretty tired of Depot Time.

All I really know about Depot Time is that the clock hits Depot Time on pretty much every commercial break so that Tony Stewart and some helium-voiced blonde can tell me that it's Depot Time.

_{depot time}

# ? Mar 22, 2012 05:07

QuickbreathFinisher: Sep 28, 2008; coming like judgment day
i.e. for the second time.

So, am I retarded in thinking that Whipped Cream flavored vodka would taste the same as Marshmallow flavored vodka, which would taste the same as vanilla vodka? I can't imagine them differing vastly enough to make three separate flavors. Then again I hate flavored vodka.

# ? Mar 22, 2012 05:20

Caitlin: Aug 18, 2006; When I die, if there is a heaven, I will spend eternity rolling around with a pile of kittens.

They taste different if you're into that sort of thing. I had some cookie dough vodka in chocolate milk once for a "taste test" (shot) at a liquor store out here, it wasn't awful.

# ? Mar 22, 2012 06:04

Buzkashi: Feb 4, 2003

QuickbreathFinisher posted:

So, am I retarded in thinking that Whipped Cream flavored vodka would taste the same as Marshmallow flavored vodka, which would taste the same as vanilla vodka? I can't imagine them differing vastly enough to make three separate flavors. Then again I hate flavored vodka.

I haven't tried the marshmallow one but I can tell you that whipped cream and vanilla vodkas are appreciably different. And both make a very good (if not very masculine) white russian.

# ? Mar 22, 2012 11:14

Wagonburner: Jan 18, 2002; Heisenberg says relax!

rockamiclikeavandal posted:

HOPPAH!
HOPPAH!
HOPPAH!
HOPPAH!
HOPPAH!
HOPPAH!
HOPPAH!

Someone in that house needs to get up in the middle of the night, turn on all the stove burners with no flame and just fill the whole fucker with natural gas.

I've really been liking their competition's ads though, (directv) 1st the russian guy, now the new style ones. tying the knot with undesirables and then the other "when you get an eyepatch people think you're tough, when people think you're tough people want to see how tough."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c-zG5U0v3gU
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7udQ...&feature=relmfu

Wagonburner fucked around with this message at Mar 22, 2012 around 17:29

# ? Mar 22, 2012 17:12

SubponticatePoster: Aug 9, 2004; Every day takes figurin' out all over again how to fuckin' live.

These are two local radio ads, but there's nowhere else to complain about them.

First is a car dealership "Truck Month" ad where the owner of one dealership crank calls the owner of another dealership and then reveals himself and gets all

over the phone. The other guy hangs up on him and then he gets even more smug about the guy hanging up on him. I would hang up on you too, you fuckface. Then maybe call the police and get a restraining order because this is one of many commercials with this dealership doing the same thing.

The second is an ad for a company doing some kind of clinical trial. The pitch, however, is: "Have you used cocaine, marijuana, LSD..." and then goes on to add other stuff like Adderall, Lortab, etc "without a prescription?" Holy poo poo gently caress, please tell me where I can get a prescription for LSD in this century. In some places you can get a prescription for pot but this isn't one of them.

# ? Mar 22, 2012 21:26

Codependent Poster: Oct 20, 2003; Emergency induction port.

404GoonNotFound posted:

Not hate, but something I have to point out: That's Garrus/Brandon Keener in the new AT&T ad (the speed dating one), right? I'm not crazy? Because goddamn I'd recognize that voice anywhere.

Is it on youtube?

My favorite thing is every video on youtube with Keener has the top comments related to Garrus. If they ever make a Mass Effect film, they have to cast him as Garrus.

# ? Mar 23, 2012 03:25

Excession: Dec 18, 2004

I hate the Beneful dog food commercial "Wonderful Thing". It has a voice actor speaking as a dog supposedly would. I just find it grating talking in such a dumbed down way. It just really gets on my nerves every time it comes on.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iNUdeXKd6QU

# ? Mar 23, 2012 09:25

jojoinnit: Dec 13, 2010; I failed the Digg Button Challenge�

That Charmin ad with the wife berating her dumb husband for not replacing the back-up toilet paper roll is depressing. If I get married to a lovely girl, will she one day be a shrill bitch berating me because the fancy Charmin tub wasn't immediately filled with a spare roll? Poor guy just wants to take a poo poo, let him have that at least.

# ? Mar 23, 2012 14:35

rockamiclikeavandal: Jul 2, 2010

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aXaxMoeO3e8

This isn't really that terrible compared to some commercials, but I see it all the time and this loving song is stuck in my head. So... I guess I'm just gonna infect you all with it. Enjoy!

# ? Mar 23, 2012 20:36

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# ? May 18, 2013 13:23

fivre: Nov 7, 2011; This is my side of the lint; that's your side of the lint.

Hulu made me very happy by finally killing the volume on the one Lowes ad that was way, way louder than everything else they show. They could have just brought it in line, but it's now much, much quieter than everything else. May not have actually been intentional, but it gave me a good laugh.

# ? Mar 23, 2012 20:49

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The Something Awful Forums > The Finer Arts > The TV IV > The bing to the McNugget bong, the ding to the dong: Ads You Hate.