The bing to the McNugget bong, the ding to the dong: Ads You Hate.

The Something Awful Forums > The Finer Arts > TV IV > The bing to the McNugget bong, the ding to the dong: Ads You Hate.

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CapnAndy: Feb 27, 2004; Some teeth long for ripping, gleaming wet from black dog gums. So you keep your eyes closed at the end. You don't want to see such a mouth up close. before the bite, before its oblivion in the goring of your soft parts, the speckled lips will curl back in a whinny of excitement. You just know it.

DJExile posted:

If they're gonna sanitize the hell out of it and use different lyrics or whatever, why even have the song on the CD at all?

Because it's on the radio. You would not believe the smut my nephews have memorized off of the bus ride to school.

# ¿ Aug 2, 2011 20:26

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# ¿ Apr 27, 2024 17:44

CapnAndy: Feb 27, 2004; Some teeth long for ripping, gleaming wet from black dog gums. So you keep your eyes closed at the end. You don't want to see such a mouth up close. before the bite, before its oblivion in the goring of your soft parts, the speckled lips will curl back in a whinny of excitement. You just know it.

DrBouvenstein posted:

Because adoption isn't a thing people can do?

I keep guessing that his parents are worried that the Vitamin Water is going to make him so alert he notices he was adopted, and that's not at all where they were going with the commercial so I get confused. It's very distracting casting.

# ¿ Aug 7, 2011 17:45

CapnAndy: Feb 27, 2004; Some teeth long for ripping, gleaming wet from black dog gums. So you keep your eyes closed at the end. You don't want to see such a mouth up close. before the bite, before its oblivion in the goring of your soft parts, the speckled lips will curl back in a whinny of excitement. You just know it.

Doc Hawkins posted:

That led me to this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8c3_fH9HXXY

Everyone should have pockets that fit things. (though they probably shouldn't wear cotton sackcloth like that guy does)

Is Old Navy suggesting that my clothes... shouldn't have pockets, not only "go" with one specific outfit, and be machine washable? Because that's pretty much the baseline of what I expect from any item of clothing.

# ¿ Aug 13, 2011 20:08

CapnAndy: Feb 27, 2004; Some teeth long for ripping, gleaming wet from black dog gums. So you keep your eyes closed at the end. You don't want to see such a mouth up close. before the bite, before its oblivion in the goring of your soft parts, the speckled lips will curl back in a whinny of excitement. You just know it.

A wife telling her husband that they should kill their newborn baby before they get attached to it is not nearly as winsome as Vonage seems to think it is.

Just sayin'.

# ¿ Feb 4, 2012 05:32

CapnAndy: Feb 27, 2004; Some teeth long for ripping, gleaming wet from black dog gums. So you keep your eyes closed at the end. You don't want to see such a mouth up close. before the bite, before its oblivion in the goring of your soft parts, the speckled lips will curl back in a whinny of excitement. You just know it.

SnafuAl posted:

Having watched the Superbowl on BBC, I didn't see any ads, except for catching the tail end of one or two when they cut to the NBC feed slightly early. One such transition was to shots of Indianapolis, with one of the commentators saying "The beautiful city of Indianapolis, brought to you by Bud Light".

I'm sure there was some context I missed, but it certainly seemed to imply that Bud Light was sponsoring the entire city.

Is that not a thing that happens on British broadcasts of sporting events? Companies sponsor every-loving-thing. In this case, it was the blimp that was providing those shots.

# ¿ Feb 8, 2012 03:03

CapnAndy: Feb 27, 2004; Some teeth long for ripping, gleaming wet from black dog gums. So you keep your eyes closed at the end. You don't want to see such a mouth up close. before the bite, before its oblivion in the goring of your soft parts, the speckled lips will curl back in a whinny of excitement. You just know it.

Rirse posted:

Something about the ad for The Lorax rubs me the wrong way.

Is it the fact that you can't hear DeVito's voice any more without immediately replacing the character with Frank Reynolds in your mind? Because, y'know, that's my problem with the whole thing.

"I don't know how many trees I got left... I'm gonna get real weird with it."

Actually, it's not much of a problem.

# ¿ Feb 22, 2012 06:09

CapnAndy: Feb 27, 2004; Some teeth long for ripping, gleaming wet from black dog gums. So you keep your eyes closed at the end. You don't want to see such a mouth up close. before the bite, before its oblivion in the goring of your soft parts, the speckled lips will curl back in a whinny of excitement. You just know it.

vyst posted:

Gross. I'm not even going to ask what the other 49% is.

Probably the cheapest fish on the market.

# ¿ Mar 5, 2012 18:52

CapnAndy: Feb 27, 2004; Some teeth long for ripping, gleaming wet from black dog gums. So you keep your eyes closed at the end. You don't want to see such a mouth up close. before the bite, before its oblivion in the goring of your soft parts, the speckled lips will curl back in a whinny of excitement. You just know it.

Tardcore posted:

The worst part was that the original airing played Mr.Sandman the entire run of the commercial.

The original airing was a Super Bowl commercial, it cut to Motley Crue when he turned on the engine.

I'm actually really annoyed by the recuts, because in its original format it had a decent gag -- dude busted out of his stereotypical dream and went and got his wife, which was nice. Now it's the much less clever "hey look a car and bikini girls" poo poo with no subversion.

# ¿ Mar 12, 2012 06:27

CapnAndy: Feb 27, 2004; Some teeth long for ripping, gleaming wet from black dog gums. So you keep your eyes closed at the end. You don't want to see such a mouth up close. before the bite, before its oblivion in the goring of your soft parts, the speckled lips will curl back in a whinny of excitement. You just know it.

Gonz posted:

Son of a BITCH.

REALLY?!?!?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BqcUrmVKjjM

0:45 to 0:50 is the actual target market.

And c'mon, how can you not love Cut-Rate Obama doing the selling, or yet another hilarious view into the foibles of Black And White World, Where Everything Is Too Hard?

# ¿ Mar 19, 2012 01:58

CapnAndy: Feb 27, 2004; Some teeth long for ripping, gleaming wet from black dog gums. So you keep your eyes closed at the end. You don't want to see such a mouth up close. before the bite, before its oblivion in the goring of your soft parts, the speckled lips will curl back in a whinny of excitement. You just know it.

Codependent Poster posted:

Not really. The Native American commercials pretty much tell you it's expensive as gently caress.

Yeah, those are the least scummy of a very scummy business. At least they've got the honesty to say "look, we're going to charge you nearly usurous rates if you do this".

# ¿ Mar 21, 2012 02:09

CapnAndy: Feb 27, 2004; Some teeth long for ripping, gleaming wet from black dog gums. So you keep your eyes closed at the end. You don't want to see such a mouth up close. before the bite, before its oblivion in the goring of your soft parts, the speckled lips will curl back in a whinny of excitement. You just know it.

BillyJoeBob posted:

Do banner ads count? Because this dude is really creepy and annoying all at once, I feel like he's going to abduct someone and force feed them Wheat Thins or something.

That subtle smirk...

Is that banner ad aware that "trix" is exclusively feminine? Because that is super loving creepy.

# ¿ Apr 4, 2012 22:51

CapnAndy: Feb 27, 2004; Some teeth long for ripping, gleaming wet from black dog gums. So you keep your eyes closed at the end. You don't want to see such a mouth up close. before the bite, before its oblivion in the goring of your soft parts, the speckled lips will curl back in a whinny of excitement. You just know it.

Iron Crowned posted:

Yeah, and if they're anything like my parents, they also love Burger King. On road trips growing up my dad would begrudgingly let us eat McDonald's, bitching the whole time about how much better Burger King is.

Burger King is better than McDonald's. Wendy's is better than either of them.

# ¿ Apr 5, 2012 21:47

CapnAndy: Feb 27, 2004; Some teeth long for ripping, gleaming wet from black dog gums. So you keep your eyes closed at the end. You don't want to see such a mouth up close. before the bite, before its oblivion in the goring of your soft parts, the speckled lips will curl back in a whinny of excitement. You just know it.

Iron Crowned posted:

It's a simple branding thing, if I recall correctly they don't ever refer to Bayer as aspirin. Basically it is to milk money out of everyone who doesn't realize that it's aspirin.

Aspirin is generic, you can't market yourself as just that.

Well, I mean, you can, but it'd be as effective as putting on an ad saying "buy paper towels!"

# ¿ Apr 10, 2012 04:18

CapnAndy: Feb 27, 2004; Some teeth long for ripping, gleaming wet from black dog gums. So you keep your eyes closed at the end. You don't want to see such a mouth up close. before the bite, before its oblivion in the goring of your soft parts, the speckled lips will curl back in a whinny of excitement. You just know it.

Rirse posted:

Don't know if "The Cabin in the Woods" is any good

It's fantastic and everyone should see it. Those ads are annoying, but the movie itself is brilliant.

# ¿ Apr 14, 2012 04:53

CapnAndy: Feb 27, 2004; Some teeth long for ripping, gleaming wet from black dog gums. So you keep your eyes closed at the end. You don't want to see such a mouth up close. before the bite, before its oblivion in the goring of your soft parts, the speckled lips will curl back in a whinny of excitement. You just know it.

See it before you get spoiled, it's impossible to put into words without sounding idiotic and simultaneously ruining everything.

# ¿ Apr 14, 2012 06:41

CapnAndy: Feb 27, 2004; Some teeth long for ripping, gleaming wet from black dog gums. So you keep your eyes closed at the end. You don't want to see such a mouth up close. before the bite, before its oblivion in the goring of your soft parts, the speckled lips will curl back in a whinny of excitement. You just know it.

Car insurance is not something you drink and thinking of what car insurance-flavored liquid would taste like is sickening. Geico needs to gently caress off with that.

# ¿ Apr 15, 2012 05:46

CapnAndy: Feb 27, 2004; Some teeth long for ripping, gleaming wet from black dog gums. So you keep your eyes closed at the end. You don't want to see such a mouth up close. before the bite, before its oblivion in the goring of your soft parts, the speckled lips will curl back in a whinny of excitement. You just know it.

Wagonburner posted:

I liked a couple of the youtube comments on there:

"These are what robots are going to be like in the future."

"HUMAN_INTERACTIONS.SPX NOT FOUND
WAITRESSBOT ATTEMPTING TO COMPENSATE"

That second one's mine

I don't know how the gently caress Friendly's hosed up on something as basic as "turn off comments for your ads because this is YouTube and people will poo poo on it even if it's good", but I'm glad they did.

# ¿ Apr 17, 2012 19:43

CapnAndy: Feb 27, 2004; Some teeth long for ripping, gleaming wet from black dog gums. So you keep your eyes closed at the end. You don't want to see such a mouth up close. before the bite, before its oblivion in the goring of your soft parts, the speckled lips will curl back in a whinny of excitement. You just know it.

Timby posted:

Don't blame Australia. Jack Daniel's actually started packaging and selling canned Jack and Cola in the United States a few years ago ago.

WHERE DO THEY SELL THESE.

edit: Awww, they suck? Jack and coke is my favorite drink, I want it in convenient can form.

# ¿ Apr 20, 2012 01:37

CapnAndy: Feb 27, 2004; Some teeth long for ripping, gleaming wet from black dog gums. So you keep your eyes closed at the end. You don't want to see such a mouth up close. before the bite, before its oblivion in the goring of your soft parts, the speckled lips will curl back in a whinny of excitement. You just know it.

QuickbreathFinisher posted:

Is it really that hard to make a mixed drink with two ingredients?

No, but laziness is a virtue.

# ¿ Apr 20, 2012 02:13

CapnAndy: Feb 27, 2004; Some teeth long for ripping, gleaming wet from black dog gums. So you keep your eyes closed at the end. You don't want to see such a mouth up close. before the bite, before its oblivion in the goring of your soft parts, the speckled lips will curl back in a whinny of excitement. You just know it.

Industrial posted:

The Zooey Deschanel commercial bothers me as well. What is supposed to be appealing exactly about an adult who acts like a 4 year old girl/is confused by life?

Behold the Manic Pixie Dream Girl. Behold, and despair, for all your works are naught against her quirkiness!

# ¿ Apr 25, 2012 04:48

CapnAndy: Feb 27, 2004; Some teeth long for ripping, gleaming wet from black dog gums. So you keep your eyes closed at the end. You don't want to see such a mouth up close. before the bite, before its oblivion in the goring of your soft parts, the speckled lips will curl back in a whinny of excitement. You just know it.

Dangerous Person posted:

I think it's more the whole asking your phone if it's raining outside while staring out a window sort of thing.

Eh. Judging by the Sam Jackson ad, the tone of the campaign seems to be "celebrities having a conversation with their phone to show off what Siri can do, sacrificing realism for keeping the celebrity's persona coming through". Jackson reacts incredulously to his phone confirming a reminder because yeah, he wants to chill his gazpacho! That's a silly way to talk to your phone too, but it works because they're going for an actual conversation treating the phone like it's a person.

# ¿ Apr 26, 2012 05:59

CapnAndy: Feb 27, 2004; Some teeth long for ripping, gleaming wet from black dog gums. So you keep your eyes closed at the end. You don't want to see such a mouth up close. before the bite, before its oblivion in the goring of your soft parts, the speckled lips will curl back in a whinny of excitement. You just know it.

The Moon Monster posted:

Why do lawyer commercials always have the narrator say "I am a non-attorney spokesperson"?

Because they legally have to.

# ¿ May 2, 2012 05:28

CapnAndy: Feb 27, 2004; Some teeth long for ripping, gleaming wet from black dog gums. So you keep your eyes closed at the end. You don't want to see such a mouth up close. before the bite, before its oblivion in the goring of your soft parts, the speckled lips will curl back in a whinny of excitement. You just know it.

If a robot wants to self-identify as female I dunno why y'all genderists got such a problem with it :colbert:

# ¿ May 3, 2012 02:02

CapnAndy: Feb 27, 2004; Some teeth long for ripping, gleaming wet from black dog gums. So you keep your eyes closed at the end. You don't want to see such a mouth up close. before the bite, before its oblivion in the goring of your soft parts, the speckled lips will curl back in a whinny of excitement. You just know it.

I like it, it's like visiting Blade Runner world.

# ¿ May 9, 2012 03:17

CapnAndy: Feb 27, 2004; Some teeth long for ripping, gleaming wet from black dog gums. So you keep your eyes closed at the end. You don't want to see such a mouth up close. before the bite, before its oblivion in the goring of your soft parts, the speckled lips will curl back in a whinny of excitement. You just know it.

I love Chik Fil A, and ironically I love them more for their terrible politcs. Because they are not hiding that poo poo. "Yeah, Sundays? We're closed Sundays. Every other fast food place doing some spring fish sandiwch specials? This is a Lent Menu, fuckers. There's a mural just inside, you can see all the charities we use your money to support." And y'know what... fair deal. They make it clear what they stand for, and everyone gets to decide how much their morals are worth up against a really, really tasty chicken sandwich.

Mine always seem to fall short.

# ¿ May 10, 2012 06:25

CapnAndy: Feb 27, 2004; Some teeth long for ripping, gleaming wet from black dog gums. So you keep your eyes closed at the end. You don't want to see such a mouth up close. before the bite, before its oblivion in the goring of your soft parts, the speckled lips will curl back in a whinny of excitement. You just know it.

Rhyno posted:

So they put everything they support on their walls except their hatred of homosexuals?

No, "traditional marriage counseling" is up there too.

# ¿ May 10, 2012 17:32

CapnAndy: Feb 27, 2004; Some teeth long for ripping, gleaming wet from black dog gums. So you keep your eyes closed at the end. You don't want to see such a mouth up close. before the bite, before its oblivion in the goring of your soft parts, the speckled lips will curl back in a whinny of excitement. You just know it.

As funny as Weird Accent Boss saying "These shorts were made for a younger person, wouldn't you say?" is, I don't get that campaign at all.

I mean, seriously, is "oh no I'm so close to my data limit I can only download one thing" a problem anyone's ever had with any frequency? Do smartphones not sync to computers in their world? Because I wouldn't be downloading a loving video over a wireless connection no matter what, because videos are big, and I'm pretty sure they don't even let you video chat unless you're on wi-fi.

In short: Stop trying to convince me I've got a problem I don't have, guys. Not fooled.

# ¿ May 23, 2012 20:07

CapnAndy: Feb 27, 2004; Some teeth long for ripping, gleaming wet from black dog gums. So you keep your eyes closed at the end. You don't want to see such a mouth up close. before the bite, before its oblivion in the goring of your soft parts, the speckled lips will curl back in a whinny of excitement. You just know it.

Tykero posted:

I am convinced that McDonald's ads are intentionally terrible. People will still buy their garbage, the advertisement being annoying still accomplishes its goal of reminding you that there are multiple within a few blocks if you want cheap food quickly. Why put any effort into it? In fact, remembering how horrid that ad was later reinforces that reminder.

McDonalds: gently caress You, We Sell Hamburgers And You Want A Hamburger Right Now.

# ¿ Jun 6, 2012 06:59

CapnAndy: Feb 27, 2004; Some teeth long for ripping, gleaming wet from black dog gums. So you keep your eyes closed at the end. You don't want to see such a mouth up close. before the bite, before its oblivion in the goring of your soft parts, the speckled lips will curl back in a whinny of excitement. You just know it.

FuzzySkinner posted:

Those "foundation for a better life" commercials creep me the gently caress out.

"Generosity...pass it on"

They have a very "They live" like quality to them.

They're Mormons, that might explain it.

# ¿ Jun 11, 2012 19:50

CapnAndy: Feb 27, 2004; Some teeth long for ripping, gleaming wet from black dog gums. So you keep your eyes closed at the end. You don't want to see such a mouth up close. before the bite, before its oblivion in the goring of your soft parts, the speckled lips will curl back in a whinny of excitement. You just know it.

Frot Lesnar posted:

I figured as such but the guy funding goes out of his way not to tip his hand politically or religiously.

e: of course his education screams he is a mormon so there we are then.

Yeah, the ads are remarkably even-handed and basically "good things exist! Do them!", I don't mind them one bit. But I knew the Mormon connection from back when they offered to send you free Bibles (complete with Book of Mormon!), so I know where the there's-something-else-here vibe is coming from.

# ¿ Jun 12, 2012 03:18

CapnAndy: Feb 27, 2004; Some teeth long for ripping, gleaming wet from black dog gums. So you keep your eyes closed at the end. You don't want to see such a mouth up close. before the bite, before its oblivion in the goring of your soft parts, the speckled lips will curl back in a whinny of excitement. You just know it.

Y-Hat posted:

At least they spare you the part that the "Boy" in the title was the product of a teacher-student affair, which can't be said about the trailer.

No no, it's totally okay because the student was a boy and the teacher was young and hot
/

# ¿ Jun 15, 2012 02:17

CapnAndy: Feb 27, 2004; Some teeth long for ripping, gleaming wet from black dog gums. So you keep your eyes closed at the end. You don't want to see such a mouth up close. before the bite, before its oblivion in the goring of your soft parts, the speckled lips will curl back in a whinny of excitement. You just know it.

pwn posted:

I mean yeah it's not Citizen Kane, but it looks like it could be a fun way to kill 90 minutes.

In your heart of hearts, I think you already knew that wouldn't be true.

# ¿ Jun 15, 2012 07:26

CapnAndy: Feb 27, 2004; Some teeth long for ripping, gleaming wet from black dog gums. So you keep your eyes closed at the end. You don't want to see such a mouth up close. before the bite, before its oblivion in the goring of your soft parts, the speckled lips will curl back in a whinny of excitement. You just know it.

muscles like this? posted:

I really, really dislike the Toyota Venza "cool parents, lame kids" commercials. It really comes off as a pretty desperate move by some aging baby boomer ad executive that doesn't want to admit he's getting old.

Oh my God, those commercials. They're not just aiming at old people, they are actively insulting anyone younger than 60. Hey. Assholes. WHY THE gently caress DO I WANT TO BUY YOUR CAR, YOU JUST SPENT 30 SECONDS MAKING FUN OF ME.

# ¿ Jun 22, 2012 02:02

CapnAndy: Feb 27, 2004; Some teeth long for ripping, gleaming wet from black dog gums. So you keep your eyes closed at the end. You don't want to see such a mouth up close. before the bite, before its oblivion in the goring of your soft parts, the speckled lips will curl back in a whinny of excitement. You just know it.

muscles like this? posted:

When I'm over at my parents' house I end up watching channels I don't usually. This means I end up seeing a bunch of bizarre commercials I've never seen before. Like today they were watching American Pickers and there was a commercial for a farmer specific dating site. Are there really that many single farmer women out there?

Oh my god, that commercial. I saw it for the first time during Saturday Night Live and didn't believe it wasn't a parody until I actually went to the website.

# ¿ Jun 25, 2012 02:42

CapnAndy: Feb 27, 2004; Some teeth long for ripping, gleaming wet from black dog gums. So you keep your eyes closed at the end. You don't want to see such a mouth up close. before the bite, before its oblivion in the goring of your soft parts, the speckled lips will curl back in a whinny of excitement. You just know it.

Alfred P. Pseudonym posted:

If you go into a Blockbuster Video these days

...why?

# ¿ Jun 25, 2012 06:43

CapnAndy: Feb 27, 2004; Some teeth long for ripping, gleaming wet from black dog gums. So you keep your eyes closed at the end. You don't want to see such a mouth up close. before the bite, before its oblivion in the goring of your soft parts, the speckled lips will curl back in a whinny of excitement. You just know it.

Hey, you know what else is great in a blackout and casts light over an entire room?

A candle.

# ¿ Jul 14, 2012 03:51

CapnAndy: Feb 27, 2004; Some teeth long for ripping, gleaming wet from black dog gums. So you keep your eyes closed at the end. You don't want to see such a mouth up close. before the bite, before its oblivion in the goring of your soft parts, the speckled lips will curl back in a whinny of excitement. You just know it.

Yeah, I've seen it and it's exactly as tedious as you make it sound. They've got a tv ad too where a guy gets asked to take the picture of a group of tourists... and then another one, and then another one, see, because they've all got different cameras! Meanwhile, another guy takes a picture of another group of tourists and only has to do one, because they all bump phones.

The feature itself is so loving :psyduck:

-inducing, too. There are ways to send pictures to other phones already! They're easy! It takes five seconds! You're not going to convince anyone this is a problem, Samsung, because I guarantee you that everyone's already had a moment where they went "gosh I wish I could just send this picture to my friend's phone", and then realized that oh yeah, they could. So they did it. Plus, unless you and all your friends all have that same goddamned phone, it doesn't even work! You're deluding yourself if you think that any group of three or more people is going to own the exact same of phone, unless maybe they all have an iPhone. That's possible. Everyone buying Samsung is not.

# ¿ Jul 17, 2012 20:49

CapnAndy: Feb 27, 2004; Some teeth long for ripping, gleaming wet from black dog gums. So you keep your eyes closed at the end. You don't want to see such a mouth up close. before the bite, before its oblivion in the goring of your soft parts, the speckled lips will curl back in a whinny of excitement. You just know it.

I know cherry picking reviews for movie commercials is common practice, but Hit and Run taking all its quotes from one guy on MySpace has got to be a new low.

I'm entirely serious, by the way. Look for it the next time one of their commercials airs; shouldn't take more than five minutes.

# ¿ Aug 20, 2012 02:40

CapnAndy: Feb 27, 2004; Some teeth long for ripping, gleaming wet from black dog gums. So you keep your eyes closed at the end. You don't want to see such a mouth up close. before the bite, before its oblivion in the goring of your soft parts, the speckled lips will curl back in a whinny of excitement. You just know it.

SubponticatePoster posted:

Wait, MySpace still exists?

I'm as surprised as you are.

# ¿ Aug 22, 2012 01:04

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# ¿ Apr 27, 2024 17:44

CapnAndy: Feb 27, 2004; Some teeth long for ripping, gleaming wet from black dog gums. So you keep your eyes closed at the end. You don't want to see such a mouth up close. before the bite, before its oblivion in the goring of your soft parts, the speckled lips will curl back in a whinny of excitement. You just know it.

My little brother got the vaccine. I had to suffer.

# ¿ Aug 22, 2012 04:50

The Something Awful Forums > The Finer Arts > TV IV > The bing to the McNugget bong, the ding to the dong: Ads You Hate.

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