|
After reading the cliffs notes for AFFC and the Tower of the Hand article "what's going on in Oldtown", I realized AFFC isn't some boring mess, it was GRRM being extra-sneaky. All that poo poo with the Sand Snakes trying to make Myrcella queen, and it not working, isn't because the uncle is a fat crippled pussy, it's because he means to back Dany. And the youngest Sand Snake is masquerading as a man in the Citadel, Jaqen H'ghar is there, and Sam, etc. Other than Brienne's chapters, the book is secretly about all the non-Stark/Lannister factions wanting a piece of Dany. I feel dumb for missing it the first time, but I also missed Jon being a Targ. So all that Dorne, Sam, prologue, Boring Viking poo poo was about Dany, Brienne was a POV for Sandor/BwB/Cat, and Sansa was the camera for the soon-to-be-defunct Littlefinger. Neat. E: correction, the article is called "If it's chains you want, come with me" E2: also, the Golem and the Gravedigger is an excellent read. The Anime Liker fucked around with this message at 22:45 on Jul 6, 2011 |
#
¿
Jul 6, 2011 22:40
|
|
|
|
| # ¿ Apr 28, 2024 23:16 |
|
|
literallyincredible posted:I imagine him as Michael Cera circa his Arrested Development years. Wait, did Michael Cera ever STOP playing that character?
|
|
#
¿
Jul 7, 2011 02:00
|
|
|
Rednik posted:Honestly, given the problems the Boltons cause throughout history and even the Hornwood lands conflict in aCoK, why didn't the Starks just get all their bannermen and steamroll those assholes? Nobody.Would.Care. Pretty much. I fail to see how the Starks are the heroes here. They get outmaneuvered by everyone, even inconsequential houses, all the time. Also, if you want an excellent prep session for ADWD, read the prologue, the 4 Dorne chapters, and the final Sam chapter from AFFC. Not only will you still get a good laugh out of how terrible of a character Dorkstar is, but you also get some interesting "oh holy poo poo, this is turning into a science vs. magic secret behind the scenes battle, the iron throne is meaningless in the grand scheme of things" revelations you may have missed the first time.
|
|
#
¿
Jul 8, 2011 03:03
|
|
|
Contra Calculus posted:Also, Darkstar is the single greatest character ever created. You misspelled "Hot Pie".
|
|
#
¿
Jul 8, 2011 06:23
|
|
|
Ray_ posted:Haha, gently caress all of you that laughed at the idea of Tyrion the Secret Targ! Tyrion is the youngest kid. That means Jaime and Cersei were Targs. Maybe.
|
|
#
¿
Jul 8, 2011 23:32
|
|
|
Or that GRRM is a good author.
|
|
#
¿
Jul 8, 2011 23:49
|
|
|
Sexual abuse of a minor? In a GRRM novel?
|
|
#
¿
Jul 9, 2011 14:56
|
|
|
And people wondered why the bad thread was the way it was.
|
|
#
¿
Jul 9, 2011 15:20
|
|
|
Proposed 2014 release date. Arrested for pedorape in 2012. Dies in prison 2013.
|
|
#
¿
Jul 9, 2011 22:57
|
|
|
It's the other half of AFFC. Of course it's terrible. I'm looking forward to the story going nowhere at all at a glacial pace, stopping every other page for a food description or a lesbo sex scene. It's seriously going to be the worst book I've ever read.
|
|
#
¿
Jul 10, 2011 21:54
|
|
|
Abnegatus posted:He's saying he's never read Atlas Shrugged. ADWD is going to be so much worse than this. I couldn't believe something was possible a few years ago, but here we are with a 1,000 page fantasy novel about incompetent lesbians and dickless Vikings spitting into preteen girls' pussies. loving GRRM. (USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)
|
|
#
¿
Jul 10, 2011 22:15
|
|
|
There's also people who jerk off to Sonic the Hedgehog slashfic. I don't care. I know what's good, and GRRM ain't it.
|
|
#
¿
Jul 10, 2011 22:47
|
|
|
SlipkPIe posted:Why are you in this thread? Because the GRUM is the worst author. His flowery prose for the juices running out of a ham, and juices that do not equally flow forth from the vaginas of preteen rape victims, is rivaled only by his dedication and attention to detail when crafting a story about a sexually abused preteen girl going totes lesbo. The Worst Goddamn Author. Absolute Fucker. Solice Kirsk posted:I take it you think the book will not be terrible and not full of castrated Theon cunnilingus? Well you are wrong sir. Dead wrong. I was also more upset about a person not enjoying deep dish pizza. That's like... putting beans in chili or ketchup on a hot dog Thinking ADWD will be anything other than complete poo poo is like thinking that standing and wiping front to back is the preferable method. 
The Anime Liker fucked around with this message at 15:08 on Jul 11, 2011 |
|
#
¿
Jul 11, 2011 15:05
|
|
|
SlipkPIe posted:So, wait No. Wild Cards came together in mutual appreciation for rape, underage sex, and descriptions of food. We all bow in reverence to the great girth of the GRRM. That absolute fucker.
|
|
#
¿
Jul 11, 2011 17:40
|
|
|
Red Cat posted:Due to the large viewership of the HBO series, this scenario is almost certainly happening right now: somewhere there is some guy who just started reading the books for the first time a few weeks back. He saw the HBO series, went to a used bookstore, and bought them all. Today, July 11, 2011, he finished A Feast for Crows and got to "Meanwhile, Back on the Wall...". He's like, "poo poo, when do I get to learn about Dany, Jon and Tyrion?" A quick Google shows that "A Dance with Dragons" comes out tomorrow -- what marvelous luck! -- so he goes to the store the next day and buys it. Joke's on those new-fan assholes when they have to wait 7 years for Winds of Winter. Their bitter tears and weeping wails of "when is book 6 coming out?" is going to be the driving force behind every masturbation session I have from here on. Until the GRUM eats himself to death while blogging about football, leaving the series, unlike any meal that has ever been placed before him, unfinished. The desecration of his grave will serve as a bitter reminder to authors that they should write first, and attend creepy conventions where they grope the underage female attendants when they're finished. God drat fat fucker. e: all will be forgiven if we get a Hodor POV. The Anime Liker fucked around with this message at 17:51 on Jul 11, 2011 |
|
#
¿
Jul 11, 2011 17:48
|
|
|
I'm back, baby. So, Mance sent the letter, Lord Fat ate the Freys, Zombie Drogo, Zombie Gregor, Jon Snow is definitively Azor Ahai, the Banker tipped off Stannis, the Maesters have changed history, and Bran is an ent. What else happened?
|
|
#
¿
Jul 19, 2011 04:48
|
|
|
Trant was in the Kevan epilogue. Kevan notes Trant guarding the bridge to Maegor's holdfast, and then notes Blount (being fat and weak) as he enters the room Cersei and Tommen (and Ser Pounce) are in. So, Jaime Lannister - with Brienne Loras Tyrell - dying at Dragonstone Osmund Kettleblack - in a dungeon Balon Swann - in Dorne Meryn Trant - with Tommen Boros Blount - with Tommen Zombie Gregor - poised for rape The Anime Liker fucked around with this message at 07:18 on Jul 19, 2011 |
|
#
¿
Jul 19, 2011 07:13
|
|
|
I just figured not all slaves got tattoos. Maybe she's not from the same temple as Moroqqo, and she was a collared slave in Asshai. Or it could be a glamour and she's a total freak witch. So after her chapter and Jon's, what exactly do we know she can do? Glamours, shadow babies, and seeing visions she really sucks at interpreting. Everything else is smoke and mirrors tricks. e: Thoros of Myr isn't tattooed either. The Anime Liker fucked around with this message at 14:27 on Jul 19, 2011 |
|
#
¿
Jul 19, 2011 14:23
|
|
|
Lord Too-Fat has replaced HODOR as my favorite character. Wicked burns as he guzzles lard, cannibalism, and plots within plots. He's like a fat,  Littlefinger.
|
|
#
¿
Jul 19, 2011 16:03
|
|
|
I don't know. Going from a gangbang to becoming the world's bestest whore sounds rather GRRMy. Also, A Time for Wolves (Winds of Winter is dumb, and WoW is already an acronym for crap fantasy) better have a lot more of TORMUND MOTHERFUCKING GIANTSBANE. Medieval dick jokes are the best dick jokes.  Also, Dany's on her queenly period, and the Sun rose in the West and fell in the East (Martell), so what's the "mountains blowing in the wind like leaves" part of the 800th Dany prophecy?
|
|
#
¿
Jul 19, 2011 16:38
|
|
|
All the implications from the Tower of the Hand article are that he's a headless golem created with blood magic. The vow of silence, Bran's vision, and the fully covering helm 24/7 confirm so.
|
|
#
¿
Jul 19, 2011 17:53
|
|
|
I really don't see Stoneheart letting Jaime live. No way. For Jaime to live, Brienne would have to betray Stoneheart. And then they'd both be hosed. And the more I think about it, I don't really care what happens to Jon, Tyrion, Bran, Rickon, the ironmen, Sansa, or Dany. They're still important and I like the story and all, but what I really want most is to see Ninja Arya turned loose on Westeros. And most importantly: I want a Brotherhood Without Banners POV. I am dying to see them tearing through Freys and hatching schemes and infiltrating every possible castle/keep/city to wipe out the Lannisters and Freys. There is way too much possibly with them. There's a general path we can see everyone else on. I want my mysterious magic guerillas.
|
|
#
¿
Jul 19, 2011 18:23
|
|
|
Substar posted:How is Jon definitively Azor Ahai? "Everytime I ask for a vision of Azor Ahai, all I see is Snow. Everytime I ask to see Azor Ahai's face, I see yours, Jon." Also "blargh, I'm dead. But I'll be back in the next book." JS = AA
|
|
#
¿
Jul 19, 2011 20:04
|
|
|
Also, Jon's sword (valyrian steel (good for killing Others)) was quenched in the blood of his chick, just like AA.
|
|
#
¿
Jul 19, 2011 20:10
|
|
|
hypocrite lecteur posted:Why does Tyrion keep telling people he killed joffrey? Just because he doesn't care and it's going to be laid at his feet anyways? The evidence points to the Tyrells otherwise doesn't it We're told fairly specifically that the Queen of Thorns killed Joffrey. So yeah, Tyrion's just going with the blame. He killed Tywin, might as well not argue against common belief that he also killed Joffrey. Sort of avoiding a "I shot the sheriff, but I didn't shoot the deputy."
|
|
#
¿
Jul 19, 2011 20:36
|
|
|
Regarding Arya: No one is going to be a faceless man with no history of being Arya. However, Nymeria will still remember Gregor, Meryn, Dunson, Cersei, etc. in her wolf dreams. Everyone on that list is getting eaten by a pissed off she-direwolf.
|
|
#
¿
Jul 19, 2011 21:39
|
|
|
Also regarding my Arya theory: Meryn, "Gregor" and Cersei are all together right now. And we know Cersei, sometime soon, will be crossing the Riverlands (Nymeria's hunting grounds) to return to Casterly Rock. Perhaps something will go bad? Theory 2: everyone on her list continues to die, without her involvement (see Gregor, Joffrey, etc.) and she returns to Westeros with no opportunities for her old vengeance. However, there's still plenty of bad people committing atrocities. And an adult Arya totally cuts through all of them. e: am I crazy, or was there supposed to be a 5 year time skip in this book? It seems like only a few months passed, at best.
|
|
#
¿
Jul 19, 2011 21:48
|
|
|
Everyone at Winterfell besides the Freys were extremely shaky on their loyalty (and even the Freys would turn on the Boltons if poo poo went bad). Stannis was all but beaten by the snow (lol Hitler/Napoleon). But him and his remaining force, the arriving northmen, and the Manderlys could overcome Bolton's sad little force. Plus, if Roose won, that means Stannis, the banker, Theon, Asha, Jeyne, Wyman, Mance, Lady Mormont, and several others I'm forgetting, that we've followed for a while, or had just been set up for later events, are all dead or dying, whether killed, captured, seized (Wyman and Mance) or ran away into waist high snow in the middle of nowhere. I refuse to believe GRRM would just write in all this new stuff and then erase it all offscreen. Especially when the letter we base this all on hits a few notes that make it seem authentic, but could just as easily have been written by anyone who's spent any time with Ramsay. Is it Mance who sent it? Maybe. But there's also several Maesters there, and we've been learning lately that those fuckers are playing their own game. Dun-dun-DUUUUUNNNNNNN
|
|
#
¿
Jul 19, 2011 23:24
|
|
|
Pwnstar posted:Victarion is the best character in Dance. "Boy whores wearing perfume? What the hell is this? Into the ocean you go!" That was indeed quite awesome. I may have missed some further details, but I also like how you can kinda pick out "the 7" from his choices (jet black for stranger, young for maiden, old for crone, big tits for mother). Also, god I really hope Osha/Shaggydog hosed up Rickon and he's almost entirely wolf (feral child). "Come on Rickon, we're going back to Winterfell, come to Uncle Davos." *snarl* *rips Davos' throat* * howls*
|
|
#
¿
Jul 20, 2011 14:58
|
|
|
In book 6 Darkstar hooks up with Chella and no one in Westeros is getting out of this with both ears intact. Then Zombie Gregor, Zombie Cat, and Zombie Jon all rise up against him and bite Darkstar, who, because GRRM loves defying conventions, dies from the bite, but DOESN'T resurrect. Meanwhile, Bran wargs into Dany right as Daario is nailing her in the pooper, and he decides he never wants to warg again and all the weirwoods die, removing the Others' source of power. Lastly, Tommen "Ralph Wiggum" Lannister appoints Ser Pounce to the Kingsguard in place of Kettleblack, and Sansa and Arya and Littlefinger raid King's Landing, and Tommen is beheaded by Ser Pounce in an ironic twist. We then find out Varys was behind the whole thing. Because Varys is actually the mad king Aerys Targaryen in disguise (we never saw them in the same place). In fact all the Targaryens are alive. Except for Viserys. He's a zombie.
|
|
#
¿
Jul 21, 2011 20:12
|
|
|
withak posted:"Dany shits. Alot." The grass of the Dothraki sea was turning brown
|
|
#
¿
Jul 21, 2011 22:43
|
|
|
furushotakeru posted:Fixed that for you. To spray dook on what's behind you, you must spray dook on what's ahead. Also, Daario. - the sum of the Dany chapters
|
|
#
¿
Jul 22, 2011 00:53
|
|
|
bigmcgaffney posted:Daenerys Dooksprayer, the First of Her Name If I look back, I'm ~*sharts*~
|
|
#
¿
Jul 22, 2011 01:45
|
|
|
lapse posted:I was actually getting kind of lost trying to remember the names of all the Mereen characters. Cadillac is the perfumed seneschal (a harpy), Nutsack (the Shavepate) is the awesome KILL EM ALL guy, and Snack Pack is her husband.
|
|
#
¿
Jul 22, 2011 01:58
|
|
|
Decius posted:Or it was a ship... Or Varys. Or Seneschal Flowers.
|
|
#
¿
Jul 22, 2011 17:59
|
|
|
HOWDY Y'ALL! So in season 2 are they going to add tits during the Blackwater? I'm afraid I may lose focus without it.
|
|
#
¿
Oct 6, 2011 01:44
|
|
|
Junkenstein posted:As a book, Dance really needs a Winterfell siege pay-off. It has to be the big event that the publisher made GRRM drop from the book. You're saying you weren't riveted by Daenerys making GBS threads all over herself? That easily tops the siege of Winterfell or Tyrion killing Tywin. Or whatever happened at the end of Feast.
|
|
#
¿
Oct 27, 2011 18:08
|
|
|
neongrey posted:Closing the book at the end, dropping it to the floor, and kicking it under the bed was the greatest payoff. I read it on a Kindle, so I couldn't use it as a doorstop or extra toilet paper afterwards. /first world problems
|
|
#
¿
Oct 27, 2011 18:16
|
|
|
rejutka posted:The book is six-odd inches thick. Get a new table. Tear it to the correct size. Duh.
|
|
#
¿
Oct 27, 2011 18:37
|
|
|
|
| # ¿ Apr 28, 2024 23:16 |
|
|
rejutka posted:You don't treat books like that. Maybe you would if you read George R.R. Martin's "A Feast for Crows", the 4th installment of the A Song of Ice and Fire series.
|
|
#
¿
Oct 27, 2011 19:01
|
|