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Scrubber posted:It seemed to me that it wasn't really made clear whether Theon lost his penis or was castrated. Either one would have worked for the "not a man" quotes and the hints about something else being cut off. Dietrich posted:I was pretty sure he was talking metaphorically about no longer being a man. Like he's been reduced to a miserable pile of secrets or something through the torture. Ramsay rose, the firelight shining on his face. "Reek, get over here. Get her ready for me." For a moment he did not understand. "I... do you mean... m'lord, I have no... I..." "With your mouth," Lord Ramsay said. (Pg 499) Gone, root and stem. In gurm's Permanent Renaissance Festival Torture Porn world, they joust for keeps (and by keeps I mean your dick).
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Oct 17, 2011 11:29
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bigmcgaffney posted:Don't be silly, why would Bran care about his own dick being useless or not when he has the Greatest Dick Of All Time at his disposal? Hodor is the chosen caretaker of the GDOAT of course. Hodor would rip Meera in half with his primal meat lance. Wouldn't improve relations between Winterfell and the swamp people.
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Oct 17, 2011 21:28
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Fog Tripper posted:
I think the whole point of Quentyn's story was to underscore the fact that you can't ride dragons unless you have dragon-rider rich people blood (Targ). This is a good lead-in story to why Jon is so special - with Stark and Targ blood, Jon is both a warg and a potential dragon rider (might even be immune to dragon fire like Dani). What did Tyrion do that made you dislike him so much? Still my favorite character.
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Oct 19, 2011 00:15
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Fog Tripper posted:
Not so much underscoring the "fire immunity" power but simply that you literally can't get near a dragon unless you have enough of this one family's blood in you. Also the important implications Quentyn's death has for Dorne and its future alliances in the coming dragon-themed conflicts for Westoros, as other people mentioned. As for the filler, no doubt there. Making characters wander through wastelands when you don't know what the hell they should be doing seems to be a popular convention among commercially successful authors. Steven King does it to an insufferable degree.
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Oct 19, 2011 01:03
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IRQ posted:He felt sorry for himself and asked where whores go a whole lot It WAS annoying that Tyrion just drank and felt sorry for himself... which is why his meeting Penny and being brought into her life was such a character development for him. His entire life he felt sorry for himself for being a dwarf surrounded by wealthy, accomplished giants. Any wrongs commited against him, any time he didn't excel at something, he could always blame the occurrence on the disability. What Tyrion never considered before having to do Penny's mummers act was how tough it was not being wealthy and privileged, which he always took for granted. Now he has to be, on top of a dwarf, and actual commoner. He's being punished for past hubris and arrogance, just like Jaime and Theon.
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Oct 19, 2011 01:31
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Elindale posted:I don't remember the last book very well since I havnt read it since 2006 but ... Sandor isn't dead? Did I miss something really obvious there? The wandering Septon (broken man speech) told Brienne and Pod that he found the Hound in the woods and buried him, though this could be figurative and Sandor may very well be at a monastery. I don't know the exact passage, but it's left Gurm-open for him to still be alive.
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Oct 19, 2011 02:29
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Kekekela posted:Its implied that he's one of the novices Brienne sees on the quiet isle, and the elder confirms this when he says something to the effect of "the Hound is dead but Sandor is at peace". Sandor's story is really exciting. I wonder if he will ever get his chance at retribution against his brother. I always thought that Gurm really artfully tied these two characters together: The Hound, wounded by his brother, believes that knighthood is bullshit, and that the shining armor and high-minded chivalry simply conceal the hypocrisy and child-murdering aspects of a medieval soldier; Sandor believes all this while simultaneously performing similar atrocities for Joffrey and others. Gregor is the perfect expression of this in life, given his knighthood and terrible crimes against the former royal family. After Qyburn's frankenstein work, the Mountain is now the full realization of this: a giant, silver-armored knight of the Kingsguard, with his white armor concealing the terrible rotting monster beneath. I can't wait to see what this transformation has done to Sandor.
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Oct 19, 2011 02:46
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Fog Tripper posted:I want nothing less than Hound and Syrio buddy team in the next book. Reformed Hound/Syrio would be rad. I would have no problem with an adrift Syrio dropping in on the monastery and those two violently bromancing the entire continent with rear end-kickery. They could start with the Freys. Really doubtful that much of any of Ramsay's "bastard"-punctuated letter is anything but a bluff, escpecially since we know anything involving Theon or Jeyne in the letter is a lie. I don't want Stannis to be dead yet because I want Gurm to describe to me in detail the terrible thing that happens to douche-bag Stannis.
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Oct 19, 2011 03:00
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Azure_Horizon posted:Except the book isn't bad, so I think it's stemmed mostly from boredom and/or the next 6 year wait. I hope it isn't 6 years. Gurm's publisher needs to send a personal trainer down to New Mexico and make the fat man lay off the pizza Bagel Bites. If this guy pulls a Geoffrey Chaucer on us I'm going to write the last two books myself.
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Oct 19, 2011 03:09
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IRQ posted:6 years? More like 11 for a complete book. AFFC was just part one of that shitheap. And nothing happened. Things happened, in addition to Wildcards. This book gave an account of the important developments of Westoros while the other major players in the foreign lands coalesced. I especially liked Sansa and Petyr's rise to power in the Vale. This was a very unorthodox path to official power, and I liked how the power play between Petyr and Lyn Corbray shakes the foundation of the entire primogeniture-style system the Westorosi use. Minus the pedantic bullshit, Lysa getting tossed out of a window was loving awesome and worth 700 pages.
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Oct 19, 2011 03:33
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VaultAggie posted:I think Littlefinger is the only character to progress his status throughout the entire series, another reason why he loving owns. Bronn would like a word. He went from a poo poo-kicker mercenary to a landed knight and legitimate noble, and all it took was a major siege. Bronn is the only character that made the jump from "small folk" to somebody that Cercei might gently caress for political intrigue that I can recall from the series. That being said, Littlefinger is definitely making strides and is a pretty interesting character. The worst part about ADWD for me was not getting to find out what Petyr and Sansa are getting up to in the Vale (probably loving poo poo up for "The Man" and challenging establishment Gurm-style)
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Oct 19, 2011 03:51
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Fog Tripper posted:Aaaaaaaaaaaand then he pretty much retired from the story for all intents and purposes. No way. We haven't seen the last of Bronn. Not even Gurm would disregard a man of such pimp-status as the Lord of Stokeworth. Dude wins Trials-by-Combat like he's renewing his driver's license.
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Oct 19, 2011 04:03
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IRQ posted:That was ASOS. Fair enough; Lysa's death was in ASOS but a lot of the Sansa/Petyr/Robert Arryn exposition happened in AFFC, including every scene with Lyn Corbray. I can't hate the book no matter how much people tell me I should, it contained a lot of the necessary legwork you need to do to flesh out a world of Gurmy ambition. I mean the 4-5 (sometimes 6th) book of any series like this is usually lackluster because the Gurmster in question is setting up for the awesome finale! At this point you just have to have faith and foolishly believe the fat man won't keel over tomorrow (which he will).
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Oct 19, 2011 04:18
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Fog Tripper posted:Unless you count deaths as "disregard". Drogo and Ned would like a word. Drogo and Ned weren't the same as Bronn. Drogo was a naturally virile badass, but you should know by now that Gurm is kind of biased against those, and he was always doomed to be a painful memory. Ned was an honorable quarterback family man who was born into it but will not win (Favre). Bronn was none of this. He was just a complete underdog poor dude with some swagger, and that's the kind of poo poo McGurmerson always favors. Ned and Drogo are dead as lamprey pie but Bronn will be appointed Court Prom King when Ramsay has the Iron Throne.
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Oct 19, 2011 04:38
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geeves posted:It wouldn't be a sacrifice to two gods otherwise An interesting aspect of the Drowned God theology is the plurality its followers embrace. Aeron Damphair acknowledges multiple gods while giving sole fealty to only one. Victarion follows suit, by staying true to his Drowned God faith while simultaneously acknowledging the existence of the totalitarian mono-god R'hllor, even making human sacrifices to it! Given his past (former wife, murdered only because of Euron), Victarion might be a person inclined toward monogamy, all which would explain the apparent dissonance in his sacrifice of the virgins.
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Oct 19, 2011 05:13
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savinhill posted:So Gurm isn't gonna start writing till after football season, he'll be doing publicity and traveling for the second season's premier in April, he's gotta go to all his conventions during the summer, and then you have a few weeks after that that won't be consumed by football or the holidays. We'll be lucky if he writes 100 pages of WoW in 2012. Jesus, this next book is gonna make the 6-year wait for DwD seem like brevity itself. Hopefully the fat man can smell the pungent aroma of death rapidly approaching his aging, fat body (64 years old) and will at least knock out a couple chapters during half-times and pregame shows.
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Oct 20, 2011 04:54
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Ross posted:Do you have a link (or maybe this is a fake post They thought it was a stroke, Gurm just had a Pizza Pocket stuck in his throat.
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Oct 27, 2011 20:09
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)? Google news didn't turn up anything.
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whowhatwhere posted:Soccer riot? Wizards First Rule: Randian horseshit Wizards Second Rule: Misogynism Mondays... every day. Wizards Third Rule: Richard is a gross Mary-Sue masturbatory stand-in for Terry Goodkind. I stopped reading this garbage 2 chapters into Blood of the Fold and got on board Gurm's torture porn smorgasbord of rape and pie! Never looked back.
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Oct 27, 2011 20:32
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Intel&Sebastian posted:A re-read of COK just reminded me that Hot Pie is the kid who said he kicked another kid in the balls so hard his junk turned black and he died. That dude owns. Sort of reminds me of a non-pussy Ender that actually owns up to his ball-busting. Hot Pie was last spotted making bread for the Brotherhood Without Banners. We can safely assume that Jon Arryn's dying words were of course referring to Hot Pie.
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Oct 27, 2011 20:42
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IRQ posted:even though his books are Randroid self insert rape fantasy, can get books out the door, unlike Gurm. This is why he can churn out books, because he writes them by slapping his dick on a word processor. Gurm actually uses his thick sausagy fingers to write his books and the result is 1. engaging and unpredictable storytelling and 2. sensuous descriptions of medieval food bordering on fixation.
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Oct 27, 2011 21:04
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Blade_of_tyshalle posted:The food descriptions are the best part. "Dolorous Edd opened the salted barrel carefully, almost reverently. He knew he had discovered the best food in all of Westeros. Yes, this is why. This is why we made a bijillion-mile-tall wall of ice that doesn't protect us against poo poo. There were three flavors; one was sweet and savory, colored a mahogany brown and smelling of the rich dark humors of Sothoros. The next ribbon was pink and bright, tangy with the freshest strawing-berries of the Arbor. The last was kind of boring and creamy and white; it needed peanuts or hot-fudge or something. I'll give this one to Jon-Ghost, he shits everywhere anyway and vanilla is boring as hell." .... a bowl of icecream and fire.
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Oct 27, 2011 22:41
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Edd invented ice cream. He used to be kind of a downer but he's got a new lease on life now that Jon brings the newspaper in every morning.
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Oct 28, 2011 00:36
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smarion2 posted:Seriously, if he just took the highlights of aFFC and aDwD and made it one book the size of feast it would be pretty good. You got the right idea here. These lackluster volumes are just bridges to the last two books. I mean think about it, the guy is 63 years old, he knows full well that TWOW and ADOS are going to be the LAST things he ever does that anyone will give a poo poo about. The last two books should curtail much of the things people hated about AFFC/ADWD by localizing all the characters toward each other and ending this series-long episodic POV poo poo with some semblance of a consolidated plot.
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Nov 2, 2011 02:57
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Chinston Wurchill posted:I wonder what they'll end up doing with Nymeria and her pack of killer wolves? Arya leading a wolf army against the Others/Lannisters seems a little too obvious. I can see Nymeria taking Cercei to Maul-Your-Genitals Town because the queen and a few other nothing characters are the only ones still alive on Arya's hit list. Does anyone not want to read about Cercei getting ripped to shreds by a huge wolf?
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Nov 2, 2011 19:51
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hailthefish posted:No? Because it'll all be about her myrish swamp getting demolished by nymeria's slavering maw. I've wanted to read about that since AFFC. That book was basically about what a treacherous poser oval office Cercei is. I want Nymeria to pay homage to her forest of Qohor with huge, glistening fangs.
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Nov 2, 2011 19:57
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smarion2 posted:I actually have a feeling that nobody is going to end up ruling Westeros and they implement more of a free/democratic government (the way it was before the Targs took over) after Kings Landing gets raped by whitewalkers/dragons/Arya. Before they took over? Prior to Aegon, Westeros was a bunch of non-affiliated warlords that ruled their own respective areas... the Targs just said "we have dragons so we should be collecting taxes from these po-dunk shitheads." As for setting up a "democratic" government, Littlefinger is already in the process of doing that with his political maneuverings; the poo poo he is pulling in the Vale/King's Landing is pretty similar to American politics for the last century or so.
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Nov 3, 2011 05:12
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I think Littlefinger and Varys will undo eachother. Their actions and roles in court and throughout the story seem pretty similar. The only person who would be a match for Littlefinger's intrigues would be Varys and vice-versa. I think the show did a much better job of playing those two off of eachother than the books did. In the show you see a direct power-play between the two REAL rulers of Westeros.
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Nov 3, 2011 06:45
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Thoguh posted:Where are you getting that thought from? This series has constantly drilled into our heads that the lords don't give a single gently caress about the common man, and consider them on the same level as cattle. Even in a society like the Black Watch where they pick their leader - once he is picked his word is law and there is no going back or using a vote to influence his decisions. Westeros is not going towards a democracy one bit. Seems a big step toward human rights and non-despotic republic in our own world was the mainstreaming of Christianity and the rise to power of the Church. Now that the Faith of the Seven has its own knights and standing army, Westeros might be on the cusp of a theocratic movement.
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Nov 3, 2011 18:18
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whowhatwhere posted:Because ain't no Wolves gonna survive this poo poo. Of those who were wolves and are still alive: Jon: Warging wolf-dragon-king Arya: Badass assassin with wolf sidekick Bran: Omniscient demi-god Sansa: Queen of Westeros I don't know, I think the wolf kids will do all right, although I still think "A Dream of Spring" is a good title.
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Nov 3, 2011 21:48
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You are blood of the dragon. You can make a loving hat.
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Nov 5, 2011 05:07
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Ross posted:My fear / expectation ever since this tree bullshit took center stage with Bran is that it will be used for some lame revisionist plot device. People are bothered by Bran the Tree? It will be a little deus-ex-machiny but now Bran can see everything that has ever happened in front of a Weirwood. There will be so much interesting exposition, as we get to see important events from almost every corner of Westeros for it's entire history. I think Bran will end up being more of a dramatic device than a real force in the unfolding events.
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Nov 5, 2011 19:15
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On the subject of accents... the TV show would have been way better if the characters didn't all have british accents like I knew they would. When I read the books everyone in Westeros sounded American. Grrm is 'murrican too so there is precedence there.
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Nov 7, 2011 04:57
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What are the odds that Qyburn gets a hold of Robb's corpse with Grey Wind's severed head sewn onto it and brings him back to life as a zombie wolf-head man? After all the other necromancy bullshit that seems pretty likely (and rad).
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Nov 9, 2011 19:26
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