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Above Our Own
Jun 24, 2009
semi-professional sassy new forums member greeter



Seeing new panels posted is a major highlight of my week. Thanks for sharing such quality work with us.

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Fiction D
Jun 14, 2010


eh

Your work is absolutely captivating and I'm finding a lot of pleasure in viewing it.

Alterian
Jan 28, 2003

THIRTEEN!

Is there anywhere you're posting this on line other than this thread?

pim01
Oct 22, 2002



klaivu posted:

Eurasian jay, actually. Can you call those jaybirds?

Think so, yeah (although people from the Americas will probably think of blue jays if you call them that?).

Your work is great, very well drawn and the story has a captivating build-up; It really reminds me of the French/Belgian tradition.

The use of somewhat stilted English fits very well - you've got a proper Victorian feel going on, text-wise, and I feel you would lose much if you'd make them speak American (by which I mean using short sentences and contractions, English-English tends to be much more wordy and less direct than American-English).

Looking forward to the next installment!

ExplodingSquid
Aug 11, 2008



My girlfriend would like you to know your work is very emotive and she's afraid when there is new panels that it will be something that will make her cry. She loves that little guy.

Baba Yaga Fanboy
May 18, 2011


Just adding my compliment to the heaps of others. This, simply put, is amazing stuff. Beautiful art, emotive, relatable characters. Keep doing what you're doing and never stop.

klaivu
Aug 29, 2006

"... Mother?"

Alterian, nope.

ExplodingSquid, great! It feels good to know there is someone out there who cares what happens to the protagonist.









This last panel is part of the next page, this instalment feels more whole with it.

Edit: Removed the last panel, it's in the next post. Also edited to include the mop on the second page.

klaivu fucked around with this message at Aug 12, 2011 around 08:54

Quantify!
Apr 2, 2009

by Fistgrrl


A turning point! I love his expression in that last panel.

This comic is so good I can't believe I'm getting it for free! When you get published I have to give you money for this.

SVU Fan
Mar 5, 2008

I'm gay for Christopher Meloni


Hey man, fantastic stuff again. Is there anyway I could contact you about some work? AIM, email or whatever method. I don't have plat to PM you but will upgrade if necessary.

ReGifter
Feb 10, 2006


I love the artwork, it's awesome but for myself I would say leave out the "dirty diaper" scenes. It seems unnecessary and doesn't really bring anything more to the story.

bassguitarhero
Feb 29, 2008

Peace


I don't mind the dirty diaper bit, it tells you a lot about how depraved the mother is. There's a lot she can say that tells you about her, but nothing like her sitting in her own filth and casually pointing it out to make a point.

I'm getting excited for the story now, I want to see what he gets up to

Above Our Own
Jun 24, 2009
semi-professional sassy new forums member greeter



The "dirty diaper" parts add character and a gritty kind of reality to the strip that I personally enjoy although I could see how it might limit the strip's appeal to some audiences.

RizieN
May 15, 2004

and it was still hot.


I love this comic, can't wait to see how it turns out.

Solaron
Sep 6, 2007

Whatever the reason you're on Mars, I'm glad you're there, and I wish I was with you.


In the most recent images, the mop disappears from the door before he looks at the gun on the wall - nothing big, just looks a little out of sequence to me.

I love the comic and check this thread every day to see what happens.

art of spoonbending
Jun 18, 2005



I'm starting to get a Bad Boy Bubby vibe here, does it turn out the world outside isn't as bad as that crazy ma bird makes out?

Looking forward to the rest!

klaivu
Aug 29, 2006

"... Mother?"

Solaron posted:

In the most recent images, the mop disappears from the door before he looks at the gun on the wall - nothing big, just looks a little out of sequence to me.

drat. Thanks for spotting that. I'll fix that and a bunch of other things in the next update.

ReGifter posted:

I love the artwork, it's awesome but for myself I would say leave out the "dirty diaper" scenes. It seems unnecessary and doesn't really bring anything more to the story.

Unsure about this. I think they have significance, since they show that the mother is bedridden, and that the protagonist has duties he has reason to dislike.

But if those points are clear anyway, and the scenes are generally interpreted as a cheap way to communicate them, then they could be replaced by something else. Also, if the tone (or the grittiness) stands out from the general feel of the narrative enough to interrupt its flow for readers, then that too would call from some revisioning.

I'll definitely think on this.

Currently, I'm four spreads late on my schedule, going to up the pace.







klaivu fucked around with this message at Aug 11, 2011 around 15:12

redcheval
Dec 26, 2009

That's a little better.


God this is so hauntingly good. When I catch up on it I'm absolutely dreading whatever I find. I love this.

Serious Cephalopod
Jul 1, 2007

This is a Serious post for a Serious thread.

Bloop Bloop Bloop


Did you know:
That I look forward to your updates, and get ridiculously excited when a new page is out?
That I love that spider?

hellbastard
Apr 4, 2006



This is creepily wonderful. I've been listening to creepy music all day then stumbled upon this.

Especially love the bad bird epicness.

klaivu
Aug 29, 2006

"... Mother?"



Just one page for this update.

Included the missing mop:



And also a speech balloon I'd entirely forgotten here:



Hellbastard, I always check your thread in gbs. I like your comic too.

klaivu fucked around with this message at Aug 12, 2011 around 08:59

klaivu
Aug 29, 2006

"... Mother?"

... Aand I'm done with the next three pages. Hah. Took around six hours if anyone is interested.







VV: Better?

klaivu fucked around with this message at Aug 12, 2011 around 17:37

Quantify!
Apr 2, 2009

by Fistgrrl


klaivu posted:

... Aand I'm done with the next three pages. Hah.



Your bucket is a little wonky there.

Totally want a jaybird version of

DJExile
Jun 27, 2007

Saturday football was cool, then it got mainstream. Tuesday football is where it's at now.


That exchange with the spider is such great silly fun.

slowdave
Jun 18, 2008



Let me just say you've done an absolutely brilliant job with the comic so far. My jaw actually dropped a bit when I saw the panel about the Bad Birds on the first page. I interpreted that as some kind of a world war allegory.

I'm getting some serious Enki Bilal or Sokal vibes here. I'm guessing you're familiar with/a fan of the Belgian/French comic tradition?

Have you shown it to any publishers, in Finland or abroad? I know it's hard to get your comic published but I imagine you would stand a chance. Would certainly stand out of the crowd with all the dreck like Kiroileva Siili cluttering the market.

Dr. Strangler
Jul 21, 2009

I 'snapped' and killed a bird and its baby purely because their chirping annoyed me. I got a buzz out of killing them both with one shot.

In other words, I have the mind of a serial killer.

DJExile posted:

That exchange with the spider is such great silly fun.

Above Our Own
Jun 24, 2009
semi-professional sassy new forums member greeter



Dude for the quality you're putting into these panels, you work pretty quick.

Doctor Zero
Sep 21, 2002

Would you like a jelly baby?
It's been in my pocket through 4 regenerations,
but it's still good.

I may be in the minority here, but it bothers me a little that the spider has a thumb. Yeah, yeah I know, so does the jaybird, but he's at least got human-like features. Would it be better if the spider just raises a leg and you don't know quite what it is until the jaybird gives the thumbs-up? Or would that be too subtle?

fallingdownjoe
Mar 16, 2007



I've only just picked up on this and I just wanted you to know that you've blown me away. I'd kill for all the words I write to have the same emotive impact as you're managing with just images. And as people have said before, it's the little touches like changing the soiled diaper which really give such an impressive level of character.

Plus the most recent panels with the thumbs up made me grin like an idiot.

steve343
Oct 20, 2006


keep meaning to say but keep forgetting to type.
Awesome Work! great characters! love it

klaivu
Aug 29, 2006

"... Mother?"

Thank you Pipes! for the avatar!

slowdave posted:

I'm getting some serious Enki Bilal or Sokal vibes here. I'm guessing you're familiar with/a fan of the Belgian/French comic tradition?

Have you shown it to any publishers, in Finland or abroad? I know it's hard to get your comic published but I imagine you would stand a chance. Would certainly stand out of the crowd with all the dreck like Kiroileva Siili cluttering the market.

Sure, I grew up reading comics from that tradition.

I've contacted a few publishers via email now, going to print out some packages to send to those who don't accept digital submissions later on.

Don't tread on the Siili, man Apples and oranges and all that.

Doctor Zero, I think if a reader stops to think "wait, that 'hand' looks wonky" and breaks the narrative flow, then yeah, I ought to rethink the gesture the spider makes. On the other hand, taking out the thumbs-up sign would mean it wasn't an exchange anymore, and eliminate much of the light-hearted feel in the scene. I think I'll try and find a solution where I can both draw the exchange and a gesture that doesn't interrupt the flow for readers.

The birds don't have hands, by the way. If you look closely, it's their wing feathers that are arranged like fingers. (Though there are a few panels where I could work on this some more).

Above our own, I think this is a personal record. Also the more I do this the easier and faster it gets.

Thanks everybody! The next update will be ten pages, since they flow better together. So expect more pages in a week or so.

SurreptitiousMuffin
Mar 21, 2010

... all the pronouns


This just keeps getting better and better.

As soon as it gets published, link us inthread. I'd love to have a paper copy.

quote:

Doctor Zero, I think if a reader stops to think "wait, that 'hand' looks wonky" and breaks the narrative flow, then yeah, I ought to rethink the gesture the spider makes. On the other hand, taking out the thumbs-up sign would mean it wasn't an exchange anymore, and eliminate much of the light-hearted feel in the scene. I think I'll try and find a solution where I can both draw the exchange and a gesture that doesn't interrupt the flow for readers.
Agreed that the thumb looks a little weird. Maybe have the bird give the thumbs up first, then the spider raise his leg? It makes it easier to recognise what's going on and won't break up the flow too much. Flip page 3 around so you've got 1: spider looking around 2/3: bird looks around then gives the thumbs up then 4: spider raises leg. I apologise in advance for the awful mspaint mockup.

SurreptitiousMuffin fucked around with this message at Aug 14, 2011 around 00:03

FlyingFish
May 31, 2001



That panel arrangement tells a slightly different story though. Now the bird is the one who takes the effort to reach out and communicate first, to someone who up 'til this point has retained a underlying menacing quality. It doesn't really fit his character. Having the spider gesture first has a nice unexpected (not to mention humorous) effect that puts the spider firmly in the "friend" category.

On the other hand I may be reading into it a little too much.


Edit: Also the more I look at the alternate panel arrangement the more I think it can be interpreted as "it's all in the bird's head." Especially if the spider doesn't have a thumb. Then he's just giving the thumbs up and then imagines that the spider means something by raising a leg, because he wants a friend so much

FlyingFish fucked around with this message at Aug 14, 2011 around 00:56

Beanpants
Oct 26, 2004



Yeah, the panel arrangement is fine the way it is. If a spider giving a thumbs up really takes you out of the narrative in a story about talking birds in a big old house, then you really need to lighten up.

There's a lot of little nitpicks happening in this thread that do nothing to improve the storytelling or construction, only change it.

RandomPauI
Nov 24, 2006



I like the version where the spider gives a thumbs up, and then the bird does so.

Jewel
May 2, 2009

Everything is wonderful!


I say definitely leave it as it is now for reasons outline above. If people can't handle the spider having a thumb, how do they handle a gigantic bird living in a house

Doctor Zero
Sep 21, 2002

Would you like a jelly baby?
It's been in my pocket through 4 regenerations,
but it's still good.

It's an internal consistency thing. So far to now, the spider hasn't displayed any anthropomorphisms, but the birds have. It's seriously not a big deal. Just when I hit that panel I went "whoa wait, when did the spider get thumbs?" Perhaps "bothered me" is too strong of a word, but it did start me thinking about thumbs. I love the scene though, and I'd rather not have it changed in structure. Maybe make the thumb look a little more like a thumb? Right now it might be a little too long?

Feel free to not worry about it if it's just me.

Beanpants
Oct 26, 2004



Doctor Zero posted:

It's an internal consistency thing. So far to now, the spider hasn't displayed any anthropomorphisms, but the birds have.

Given that the spider was pointing things out and using nonverbal communication before he gave the young bird a thumbs up, this isn't true.

klaivu
Aug 29, 2006

"... Mother?"

I kinda agree with everyone. It's a minor issue, and a little overanalyzed at this point, but still something to consider. Not worth bickering over, in any case.

Generally, I think every suggestion is worth considering. I think it's a little too common for artists and authors to fall in love with their work and be on the defensive when someone suggests changes. So much so that they reject other people's ideas without fully considering them. You shouldn't do that because the only way to catch the good ideas is to be open to all ideas.

SurreptitiousMuffin
Mar 21, 2010

... all the pronouns


I think it's not that the spider suddenly has thumbs, it's just that it's a little unclear that he's giving a thumbs up. It looks to me more like a disapprovingly waggled finger. The spider's saying "oh no you didn't".

Really though, it's fantastic and probably doesn't need any more changes. I'm just nitpicking because there aren't any major issues to deal with.

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tifosibella
Aug 17, 2005

captian r u gay


Perhaps if the spider's "thumb" were curved like the way ours are as humans? I know not everyone has hitchhiker's thumb, but I think there's usually a little bend for most people. I really love the page, but, while I wasn't "bothered" by the spider's thumb, it does sort of stand out in an odd way. Maybe the curve thing might make it a bit less standy-outy?

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