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Above Our Own
Jun 24, 2009
semi-professional sassy new forums member greeter



I'm amazed how much emotion you've pulled out of my cold, hateful heart with that last panel.

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qvc on the tivo
Mar 23, 2005

Eat your vegetables or I swear I'll start another atheist thread

I've just caught up with the pages so far. Beautiful work. I love artists who can pull of silent comics, which you've done perfectly. Your pacing and tensions is amazing and the emotions conveyed on the bird's face is absolutely spot on. I can't wait to see the finished version!

Monolith.
Jan 28, 2011

To save the world from the expanding Zone.


I came looking for funny DIY pictures and I found bird comic instead. You have no idea how much I want to see the next update.

An observer
Aug 30, 2008

where the stars are drowning and whales ferry their vast souls through the black and seamless sea


I am loving the poo poo out of this.

Bettik
Jan 28, 2008

Space-age Rock Star

Went hog-wild, will buy print (hardcover if you will end up with one) and just came in to say this is amazing. I am not terribly good with critiquing so I have nothing on that front, sorry.

mjau
Aug 8, 2008


This is great. Been lurking the thread for a while, but finally decided to make an insignificant nitpick comment about this (and some previous pages with the door):

klaivu posted:



It just looks a little strange to me how the light on the ceiling above the door falls so close to the wall. That makes the angle of the light nearly completely vertical, so either the door is very thin (doesn't look like it though), or maybe its edges are reflective so the light can bounce a lot or something, but then I don't think the brightest spot would be all up to the wall like that . My eyes almost want to see the wall above the door sloping in a bit because of this, but that's not right either. Anyway, not really a big deal, but thought I'd mention it.

Katsudon
Oct 21, 2010

Shut up Adachi.

Holy poo poo this is utterly fantastic.

If you can get this published I'll buy it in a heartbeat, it's just so good.

BurgerPimp
Jul 10, 2010


Found this because of the GBS exchange, and it is amazing. Bookmarked, and I'll definitely buy a copy once it's completed. You have me on the edge of my seat!

klaivu, my hat's off to you.

Zorak
Nov 7, 2005


Yeah, this thing rules. Awesome work klaivu.

Kraustofski
Jun 21, 2007

Receiving data bursts, everything to do with it.


I'm a big fan of birds now since reading through this and hope to get some more bird action soon! Its got so much life to it and emotions abound all throughout it!

Anatidaephobia
Feb 6, 2010


God drat it, what happens next?

uggy
Aug 6, 2006

You must leave the World Series at Game 6. For that is when the spell ends and your coach becomes a pumpkin.


This is amazing. I shared it with my buddy and we're both just typing thing like "holy poo poo" back and forth to each other.

Lawnie
Sep 5, 2006

That is my helmet
Give it back
you are a lion
It doesn't even fit


uggy posted:

This is amazing. I shared it with my buddy and we're both just typing thing like "holy poo poo" back and forth to each other.

it's me


MORE MORE MORE

Betazoid
Aug 2, 2010

Hallo. Ik ben een leeuw.

Hi Klaivu! I love this. It's beautiful and so emotionally powerful. I'm a graphic novels fan, and I cannot help but see a huge audience for this. Once it's finished, or close to it, you should have no problem finding a publisher. We are all just frantically refreshing.

Some Lined Paper
Sep 1, 2011

JOHN: wait a minute!
JOHN: i forgot, trolls hate cleaning products for some alien reason! shit, that's going to make everyone so uncomfortable.


Okay so this is basically the greatest thing I have ever read. Just read everything so far, and now you've left me hanging. Eagerly awaiting the next page.

This needs to be loving published. Like, right now.

Eggn0g
Jun 27, 2008


Just chiming in to say that this is amazing, and I thought English was your first language until you said otherwise which I fine really impressive. Great work!

Clumsy Card House
Jan 6, 2008

Okay look, we both said a lot of things that you are going to regret. But I think we should put our differences behind us. For science.

You monster.


Amazing stuff here. Count me in as one of the people who will buy a copy of this. I can't wait to see what happens.

Bewildrbeast
Apr 16, 2008

rain or shine


Seriously incredible work! Thank you so much for sharing it with us!

Ironsights
Nov 6, 2008



Oh god who's at the door.

Wonderful art along with a great story. Keep on trucking klaivu!

Philo
Jul 17, 2007
This is no game. This is no fun. Your life is flame. Your time is come.

This comic is amazing! I love that the spider turned out to be his buddy . There was just one thing I noticed

klaivu posted:

Alterian, nope.

ExplodingSquid, great! It feels good to know there is someone out there who cares what happens to the protagonist.


The dialogue in the first panel seems off to me. I feel like it should be "has told you time and again" instead of "has time and again told you." I'm no English expert though, so that could just be me.

Kerrrrrrr
Nov 5, 2008

Nothing else matters but the screams. There are echoing holes in the things he remembers and each scream feels like a key with the biting cut wrong and all he can hear is the lock jamming each time one falls silent and he guts someone open so they don't have to scream anymore.


This is absolutely amazing, don't get squished out there little spider buddy!

Mach5
Aug 1, 2004

Shatfaced!

Philo posted:

This comic is amazing! I love that the spider turned out to be his buddy . There was just one thing I noticed


The dialogue in the first panel seems off to me. I feel like it should be "has told you time and again" instead of "has time and again told you." I'm no English expert though, so that could just be me.


I think it fits well with the overall unsettling atmosphere. Subtle stuff like that just adds to the squirm factor, if you ask me.

vermeil
Mar 12, 2008

I regret everything!
I regret everything
I've ever done!



I am a big wuss and will be so sad if things don't work out well for our little hero. I'll still buy the hard copy, though! It's true that sometimes people will opt not to buy something just because it's already available online, but most people who know what's up will be happy to support an artist so he/she can keep producing awesome stuff.

jazz babies
Mar 7, 2007



I just came across this randomly AND I LOVE IT. I adore the little bird and his little spider friend ...and I usually hate spiders.

This is fantastic.

klaivu
Aug 29, 2006

"... Mother?"









Whoa, a lot of really positive comments. Thank you everybody!

Mjau, you're right. That's easily fixed. I'm adding your comment to my to-do list.

Philo, I really don't see a difference between those two lines, I'm no english expert either, it seems Also I don't see how the original line adds to the squirm factor, like Mach5 said. Can someone explain this to me? I'm feeling kind of dumb here.

I'm kinda iffy about the third page here, anyone else see problems in it?

Four more updates remaining ...

klaivu fucked around with this message at Oct 22, 2011 around 17:17

BetterLekNextTime
Jul 22, 2008

It's all a matter of perspective...


Yay! The story continues!

About the third page, the last panel it's a little hard to decipher the emotion going on. Maybe show from the bird's point of view, looking through a small gap in feathers he's covering his eyes with?

Captain Zeroth
Feb 24, 2007
Im a captain?!

I love watching this story evolve in little segments like this. WHAT A CLIFF HANGER.

SexyBlindfold
Apr 24, 2008
i dont care how much probation i get capital letters are for squares hehe im so laid back an nice please read my low effort shitposts about the arab spring

thanxs!!!


this stuff is amazing. that bird is amazing.

re: third page, i agree that the last panel is slightly off. if i had to make any suggestions, it would be that jaybird's arm/wing and his rifle each follow a single line of movement along the three panels - i'm not entirely sure how much that would help, though, since i'm no COMICS BIG SHOT like SOMEBODY in this thread

Pheeets
Sep 17, 2004

Are ya gonna come quietly, or am I gonna have to muss ya up?

klaivu posted:

beauteous work


I LOVE your style and eagerly await updates!

However I do have a small quibble about the panels on page four of this thread, specifically the ones showing the mother bird reaching for the severed bell-rope. I couldn't figure it out at first, because the hanging severed end of the rope is so inconspicuous compared to the other elements (especially the portraits) in those frames. I actually thought at first that her wing reaching for the rope was a feather duster being used in the cleanup taking place in other panels.

And a few panels down when it does show the cut-off tassel, you can't see the severed rope hanging down, although you should be able to because in the aforementioned frames it hangs pretty far down the wall portrait, and the wall portrait is in view in those later frames.

This was all especially hard to suss out because the panels are interspersed with scenes from other parts of the house that also have portraits on the wall.

I think if you made the severed rope more prominent somehow in those first few frames, (maybe zoom out a little so you know it's the mother bird reaching for it? Or desaturate the portraits? Move the wing and the rope closer together?) it would be more clear what's going on. Then if you showed the hanging severed rope also in the later frames that show the cut-off tassel on the floor, it would reinforce the relationship between the rope being cut and time passing as she lies there alone.

Or maybe not, what do I know. Great work though, I'm loving your use of color and the clean geometry of all the panels.

Pheeets fucked around with this message at Oct 23, 2011 around 21:08

Lord Gaga
May 9, 2010

by T. Finninho


Don't worry too much about the little detail that people nit pick about! Your thread has 1/2 to 1/3 the number of posts as most threads with this number of views because it is good and people are watching it.

Most just dont post because every time someone posts and it isnt an update people check the thread to see if its an update and leave disappointed as I have done many times in the time between your posts.

Ironically, I am now one of those same jerks!

Well done OP awesome comic. I really wish I had just seen it at the very end because I am a child with no patience.

Dr. Strangler
Jul 21, 2009

I 'snapped' and killed a bird and its baby purely because their chirping annoyed me. I got a buzz out of killing them both with one shot.

In other words, I have the mind of a serial killer.

klaivu posted:



In the second panel, the forshortening on the center panel of the door on the left is off, I think.

Pheeets
Sep 17, 2004

Are ya gonna come quietly, or am I gonna have to muss ya up?

Lord Gaga posted:

Don't worry too much about the little detail that people nit pick about! Your thread has 1/2 to 1/3 the number of posts as most threads with this number of views because it is good and people are watching it.

Most just dont post because every time someone posts and it isnt an update people check the thread to see if its an update and leave disappointed as I have done many times in the time between your posts.

Ironically, I am now one of those same jerks!

Well done OP awesome comic. I really wish I had just seen it at the very end because I am a child with no patience.

I don't think I was nitpicking, just pointing out something that was confusing for me, and I was actually hoping to see if anyone who reads the thread had the same problem that I did. I also suggested some possible fixes.

As an artist, I always appreciate constructive criticism, and Klaivu is definitely an artist, a great one, and he DID ask for comments and critiques in his first post. So there.

Chaos Theory
Jan 18, 2010


klaivu posted:

Philo, I really don't see a difference between those two lines, I'm no english expert either, it seems Also I don't see how the original line adds to the squirm factor, like Mach5 said. Can someone explain this to me? I'm feeling kind of dumb here.

It's a mannerism thing; the phrase "time and again" isn't put between a subject and a verb, or at least it doesn't feel right to do so here. It could just be a native English speaker worry as the two sentences do mean exactly the same thing, one just seems right and the other doesn't.

The squirm factor Mach5 is referring to comes from having familiar things distorted in a way that makes someone have the sense that something is wrong without having it so overdone that the differences are easy to put a finger to. People squirm to figure out what is wrong, but can't place it. Slight changes in language usage (such as your slightly incorrect use of a mannerism here) can be an effective way to do that. The problem is I don't know if you intended to do that and it doesn't necessarily make a lot of sense in a comic because it's easy for people to just correct the line in their heads as they read it.

Chaos Theory fucked around with this message at Oct 24, 2011 around 02:15

Lord Gaga
May 9, 2010

by T. Finninho


Pheeets posted:

I don't think I was nitpicking, just pointing out something that was confusing for me, and I was actually hoping to see if anyone who reads the thread had the same problem that I did. I also suggested some possible fixes.

As an artist, I always appreciate constructive criticism, and Klaivu is definitely an artist, a great one, and he DID ask for comments and critiques in his first post. So there.

Wasnt really directed at you but more just him worrying about what people say in this thread.

klaivu
Aug 29, 2006

"... Mother?"

About the third page: I was concentrating on making the lighting change continuous, and forgot about making the arm and the gun follow a single line of movement. The squint in the last panel is kind of angry too. Thanks for pointing those out, BetterLekNextTime and SexyBlindfold.

Lord Gaga, I prefer getting a lot of feedback, so I'll have a lot of viewpoints to compare and a lot of material to sift for insights. I also have a pretty thick skin, so don't worry Nitpicks are welcome.

Pheeets, I'll have to sit down and think about that. Thanks!

Also, thank you Chaos Theory for explaining that. No, I didn't intend that effect, that was just a small fuckup.

I think the first fifty pages or so are no longer on par with the quality of the latest ones. I intend to do a quick polish on them when I've painted all the pages, fixing mistakes pointed out to me in the process. So the story as it is now ought to be considered as version 1.0.

DarkHorse
Dec 13, 2006

Vroom Vroom, BEEP BEEP!

I wouldn't call it a fuckup as much as an unexpected bonus. The sentence added something a little weird or old-fashioned to the mother's speech, which I think is perfect for the ambiance. Not incorrect, or even obviously out of normal speech, just a really uncommon way of phrasing things. It might not have been intentional, but I personally like it as-is. It's your creation, of course, so go with what you're comfortable with presenting.

Looking forward to the next updates, everything is so beautiful!

hellbastard
Apr 4, 2006



My only nitpick is that the suspense is giving me an ulcer.

Leperflesh
May 17, 2007

Dwarf tits for the blood god!

SPERG FOR THE SPERG GOD


Just stumbled across this and it's fantastic.

I only stumbled on one thing to nitpick about, that nobody else has mentioned. In this page:


In the topmost frame, it seems to me that the rifle is too short. It might be because he's holding it at an angle, but compared to the other drawings of the gun (particularly when it's on the rack on the wall) it seems like it's gotten shorter.

I'd normally not even mention it but the gun is such an important prop in this story that a small inconsistency is perhaps more noticeable.

chaos rhames
Feb 25, 2011

I don't care how much money or how many white boys 50 cent can shoot. In front of James Hetfield he is a little bitch


drat you, you made me think that there was another post.

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klaivu
Aug 29, 2006

"... Mother?"







Three more updates remaining...

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