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Harold Bird III is ready to rock.
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May 8, 2015 21:29
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Bene Elim posted:I'd love to see a champions vs LNTAC beatdown, but it's going to be far too one sided. You should put the champions next to each other and on opposing teams. Might make the fight slightly less lop-sided. First of all: Bullshit. Fine, I'll take... *sigh* Munki's tonker-grabbing little dude on my team. I'll likely just run 1v1 because I want to see whats up. I'm pretty sure one of the tournaments had something like double-points in the first round or something odd.
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May 8, 2015 21:32
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Give me an hour and a half and I can fetch my fighters name for this!
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May 8, 2015 21:57
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Dwayne the Tigerman now has an untenable mess of equipment and skills. Ready!
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May 8, 2015 21:58
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Vox tu Fistula is also ready. I thought Fistula would be something punching related, but it turns out to be a medical term. Oops.
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May 8, 2015 22:02
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Spermy Smurf posted:don't do platinum helmet and grandmaster headbutting or anything like that. drat it, now I have to change my build.
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May 8, 2015 22:12
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Jazzimus Prime posted:If Mlle, HerpicleOmnicron5, and CaptainDirtnap all list the names of the fighters they want to use in this thread, I can jerry-rig the database side on the site to let them create their fighters there. Just post the names of the fighters you want to use in this thread. Boots the male Serpent Man wants to die horribly if there's still time.
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May 8, 2015 22:56
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Mlle posted:Boots the male Serpent Man wants to die horribly if there's still time. Boots has been given points and you may create the fighter's build on the site.
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May 8, 2015 23:03
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CRUSHKILL is ready and waiting!
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May 8, 2015 23:04
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I don't want to slow down the battle royale and won't feel bad if you run it without me, but Ziggy Stardust will participate if it makes for a good, round number.
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May 8, 2015 23:09
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Galick posted:CRUSHKILL is ready and waiting! gbuchold posted:I don't want to slow down the battle royale and won't feel bad if you run it without me, but Ziggy Stardust will participate if it makes for a good, round number. Your fighters have been given points and you may go ahead and build them on the site. With that, the Battle Royale consists of: Dwayne (Captaindirtnap) Harold Bird III (Ignite Memories) Horny (Khisanth Magus) Vox tu Fistula (HerpicleOmnicron5) Boots (Mlle) CRUSHKILL (Galick) Ziggy Stardust (gbuchold) Spearmy (Spermy Smurf) Eight is a good number since it makes it easy to place the fighters in the arena without any fighter having a distinct advantage. We can probably run the Battle Royale tonight or tomorrow, depending on how soon all of the fighters are kitted out. Jazzimus Prime fucked around with this message at 23:43 on May 8, 2015 |
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May 8, 2015 23:38
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Done!
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May 8, 2015 23:54
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So wait, if Spermy wins (I know he won't, but roll with it), doesn't that defeat the purpose of the Battle Royale? We're here to pick a replacement for him, not give him a chance to stay in the running!
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May 9, 2015 00:04
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All done!
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May 9, 2015 00:05
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Ablative posted:So wait, if Spermy wins (I know he won't, but roll with it), doesn't that defeat the purpose of the Battle Royale? We're here to pick a replacement for him, not give him a chance to stay in the running! The purpose of the battle royale is to entertain us!
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May 9, 2015 00:21
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Ablative posted:if Spermy wins See, this is a moot point because that would require Spermy to win. As his former teammate, I can attest that he is, in fact, a busta, and therefore cannot win. My proofing being that our team lost, and he was on my team, so there you go. Verifiable evidence.
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May 9, 2015 00:49
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Bad Munki posted:Don't listen to all these chumps: bury it, delete the thread, pretend it never happened. He's right. Just make sure you time it so that he's in it when you do it.
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May 9, 2015 01:11
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Just kill some fuckers already.
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May 9, 2015 01:13
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goatface posted:Just kill some fuckers already.
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May 9, 2015 08:46
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Spermy Smurf posted:I may have had some help creating him. Hint: You. Sure thing, rather proud of this little fella. Dr Stranglelove http://pastebin.com/gE2X2gw8
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May 9, 2015 14:13
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Everything is set up and I'll be running the fight sometime later today. I placed a small cross-shaped patch of magma in the center of the arena just for the Battle Royale. We don't necessarily have to do it that way, but I thought you all might like it. 
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May 9, 2015 16:22
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It'll be interesting to see which fighters are more negatively affected by the lava. Small gladiators are more likely to fall in by dodging but if a missed charge will send you tumbling in as well then we could see a lot of big guys charging straight into death.
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May 9, 2015 16:29
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What do we do if everybody walks into the magma simultaneously, who gets in the tournament?
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May 9, 2015 16:32
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HerpicleOmnicron5 posted:What do we do if everybody walks into the magma simultaneously, who gets in the tournament? The last one to burn to death according to gamelog.txt advances.
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May 9, 2015 16:36
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Ya'll gonna get Spearmy'd.
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May 9, 2015 17:06
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If you plan to do the champion fights vs LNTAC or whatever, remember that the chain mail changed. Give everyone an extra layer of whatever kind of mail they're wearing to make up for it.
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May 9, 2015 17:22
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Ooooo. Magma. 
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May 9, 2015 19:37
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I'm going to burn to death somehow, I can see it already.
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May 9, 2015 20:20
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I support putting magma and water pits (with ramps) in the arena for the whole tournament.
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May 9, 2015 20:51
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I've finished running the fight, and it took almost five hours.  I'll try to get the write-up finished by this evening (U.S. time). Minor spoiler: The magma didn't even enter into it. It was just eight fighters beating each other to death the old-fashioned way.
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May 9, 2015 21:05
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Need to add more of it then
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May 9, 2015 21:16
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Magma moat.
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May 9, 2015 21:17
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Jazzimus Prime posted:I've finished running the fight, and it took almost five hours. Impressive! That must have been a whole heap of beating each other to death.
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May 9, 2015 21:18
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Jazzimus Prime posted:
See? Magma cant even hurt Spearmy! Invincible I tell ya!
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May 9, 2015 22:38
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Next time, magma ceiling, over the entire arena.
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May 9, 2015 23:09
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Low pressure magma wave encroaching from the walls.
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May 9, 2015 23:21
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Plinko, but with each of the "contestants" at the bottom of the wells and instead of a disc, it's magma.
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May 10, 2015 01:31
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 Test Tournament 3, Qualifying Battle Royale Match Dwayne vs. Harold Bird III vs. Horny vs. Vox tu Fistula vs. Boots vs. CRUSHKILL vs. Ziggy Stardust vs. Spearmy Editor's Note: Please do not expect another effortpost of this caliber until at least the semifinals.  Welcome to another edition of Arena Challenge! From Dwarfhalla Square Garden, I'm Gorilla Monsoon, here with my colleagues Jesse Ventura and Bobby "The Brain" Heenan. It's been, what? Almost a year since we last did this? Jazzimus is right on schedule, as usual. Let's introduce the fighters. Clockwise, starting from the 9:00 position, tonight's fighters are: Dwayne, a male tigerman managed by Captaindirtnap. He wields an iron greataxe and a wooden shield, and wears an iron cap, bronze mail shirt, copper leggings, copper gauntlets, and copper high boots. That's a decent set of armor for a large fighter in the first round. Harold Bird III, a male human managed by Ignite Memories. He wields a steel halberd and wears a copper mail shirt. He's following in the footsteps of his father and grandfather, who both fought with halberds in the arena. Horny, a male minotaur managed by Khisanth Magus. He wields an iron halberd and wears an iron helm, iron gauntlets, and a copper breastplate. And don't make jokes about his name. He hates that. What kind of jokes? Will you STOP? Hey, I just wanted to know. Vox tu Fistula, a male troll managed by HerpicleOmnicron5. He wields a copper two-handed sword and wears a copper helm, a copper breastplate, and leather low boots. What exactly is a fistula? You don't want to know. Is it like a fist? No. Boots, a male serpent man managed by Mlle who has no weapon, but wears a bronze helm, layered bronze and steel mail shirts, a bronze breastplate, bronze gauntlets, and a steel high boot on his tail. Shouldn't his name be "Boot"? I mean, he can only wear the one boot. CRUSHKILL, a male molemarian managed by Galick. He wields an iron mace and wears copper greaves but no other armor. Molemarians don't feel pain, so his lack of armor might not be as much of an issue as it might be for other fighters. Ziggy Stardust, the only female participant in the Battle Royale, a tigerwoman managed by gbuchold. She wields a silver maul in one hand and a wooden shield in the other. Can I make a sexist joke here? Please don't. You guys are no fun. Spearmy, a male molemarian managed by Spermy Smurf. Despite his name, he does not wield a spear, but instead carries a bronze battleaxe, and wears a copper cap but no other armor. I'm pretty sure the entire audience wants him to lose. I like him already! And just to add a little something extra to tonight's fight, there's a small pool of boiling lava in the center of the arena! Woe to any fighter who happens to fall into that! Wouldn't it be funny if the magma turns out to have no effect on the fight at all? And there's the bell, and the fight is underway! Spearmy and Ziggy Stardust charge at each other! The two halberdiers Harold Bird and Horny charge at each other, with Vox tu Fistula chasing after Horny to join the fray! CRUSHKILL and Boots charge at one another! And Dwayne... hangs back and watches, biding his time. I think he wants to let the other fighters beat up each other for a while, then he'll take on the weakened crippled survivors. That's a sound strategy. Ziggy Stardust is the first fighter to land a hit! Her silver maul landed a glancing blow on Spearmy's hand. That'll leave a bruise, but there's no serious damage. CRUSHKILL lunges at Boots, but the wily serpentman slips by the huge molemarian, and bites CRUSHKILL in the tail, latching on! Look out! Here comes the snake venom! Indeed, Boots injects venom into CRUSHKILL's blood, and the great molemarian's muscles start to lock up! I bet he wishes he had a weapon right now to finish the guy off with. In another corner of the arena, Harold Bird kicks at Horny, but the attack is deflected. He must have thought he saw an opening that wasn't really there. Otherwise he would have used the halberd. Spearmy swings his battleaxe at Ziggy Stardust and connects with the tigerwoman's belly! That's a deep cut that's going to hurt, but it could have been a whole lot worse. I've seen fighters have their guts spill out from hits like that. I love a good Battle Royale, but sometimes the action gets hard to follow. Too many fights going on at once. Now, fighting the effects of the venom, CRUSHKILL shakes free from Boots's bite, and swings a desperate attack at the snakeman, which misses! The mole-man just fell over and dropped his weapon! He's paralyzed by the snake venom! He'd be screwed, but the snake guy has no way to finish him! All he can do is chew on the big guy's foot and keep him paralyzed. Horny the Minotaur strikes at Harold Bird III, but the human gracefully deflects the attack with his halberd! And the troll Vox tu Fistula has almost crossed the arena to join those two to make it a three-way battle. And speaking of three-way battles, Dwayne decides he has waited long enough, and starts to make his way towards the battle between Spearmy and Ziggy Stardust. Ziggy Stardust swings her maul at Spearmy's left forearm, and connects! Well, that used to be his left forearm. Now it's an unrecognizable mass. Blood sprays all over the arena floor! It's a good thing for Spearmy he's holding his battleaxe in the other hand! Spearmy counterstrikes by hacking Ziggy in the thigh! The quadriceps is severed! She falls to the arena floor, down but not out! She's still in this. Being on the ground in the arena isn't the death sentence that it used to be. Now Harold Bird swings his halberd strike at Horny's foot, and connects! The metatarsals are crushed, the halberd lodges in Horny's leg, and the big minotaur is the second fighter to hit the ground! And the minotaur tries to counterstrike from the ground! It's a bad counterstrike, and it opens up Horny's defenses long enough for Harold to sever the minotaur's right foot! Now Horny has to start worrying about blood loss. Meanwhile, Spearmy and Ziggy continue to trade ineffective strikes while Dwayne closes in to join the fray. And over in the other corner, it looks like Boots is eating CRUSHKILL alive! Well, he keeps injecting more venom with those bites, and CRUSHKILL can't do anything about it! Dwayne has joined the battle, and now Ziggy Stardust has to face two axe-wielding opponents from the ground! She's showing good defense on the ground though! She blocks a strike from Dwayne with her shield, and rolls away from Spearmy's axe! I think Spearmy just realized that someone else joined the battle! Spearmy turns to face his new opponent and strikes at Dwayne, but fails to penetrate his armor. It looks like the troll just joined one of the other battles! Yes indeed, as Vox tu Fistula swings his sword at Harold Bird! But the human got his halberd up just in time to block it. Harold kicks the prone minotaur Horny in the head, and then jumps away from another strike from Vox! In the other corner, the snakeman Boots keeps biting CRUSHKILL all over! He's not giving him a chance to get back up! Back in the southwest corner of the arena, Dwayne, Ziggy Stardust, and Spearmy all continue to strike at one another. But at least for now, their defenses are all too strong, and nobody can land a blow. In the north corner, Harold Bird turns to face Vox tu Fistula, deftly avoiding a couple of attacks from the troll. Look out! Harold is distracted and the minotaur is going to take advantage! As Harold engages Vox, the grounded Horny thrusts his halberd and stabs Harold in the leg! Now Harold Bird is on the ground with him! Harold looks pretty pissed off after that! The human halberdier turns his attention back to the minotaur! And now Vox is going to stab him while he's distracted! But the copper sword can't land more than a bruise through Harold's armor. Harold stabs Horny in the leg, parries Horny's counterstrike, then brings his halberd blade back down in one swift motion to decaptitate the minotaur! There's the first kill of the match! Horny is eliminated! Score one for Harold Bird! Meanwhile, over in the east corner, it's not looking good for CRUSHKILL. Boots keeps biting him, and appears to have him in a stun-lock. Or a paralysis-lock, or something. The snakeman isn't giving his bigger opponent any chance to get back in this. Back in the southeast corner, from the ground, Ziggy Stardust continues to parry and dodge strikes from both Dwayne and Spearmy. It looks like the two standing fighters are focusing on taking her out before going after each other. They both come at her from opposite sides, and Spearmy is finally able to get through her defense, lands a perfect axe-strike which severs Ziggy's weapon arm! Her silver maul clatters to the arena floor, and she's in real trouble now! In the north corner, Vox tu Fistula stabs Harold Bird in the leg, cracking the femur! Harold tries to counter, but an awkward strike only bashes the troll's foot with the flat of his halberd! He would have been better off using the blade there. Vox responds with a vicious swing of his sword that clips Harold's left hand! There goes the index finger! In the southeast corner, Ziggy bravely fights on, swinging the claw of her good hand at Dwayne and Spearmy whenever they try to get too close. Dwayne and Spearmy are circling around her. Dwayne lunges to distract her attention, and then Spearmy quickly charges in and sinks his axe into Ziggy's abdomen! That strike was a little too much, Gino. Ziggy Stardust passes out from the pain, and Dwayne swiftly decapitates the tigerwoman! There's the second kill of the Battle Royale! It looks like they shouldn't have sent a woman to do a man's job in the arena! Will you STOP, you misogynistic little weasel?!?! Hey, don't call me a misogynist! I'll have you know I've had six very successful marriages! Dwayne and Spearmy now face off against each other! Back in the north corner, Vox tu Fistula swings his sword at Harold Bird! He tried to raise his halberd to block it, but ended up getting his middle finger clipped off by the tip of the sword! Looks like now he won't be able to tell Vox how he really feels anymore. Harold counters by stabbing the troll in the thigh, cutting into the femoral artery and spraying blood everywhere! And now Vox is unable to stand! Another fighter crashes to the arena floor! In the southwest corner, Dwayne and Spearmy face off, with Dwayne managing to land strikes on Spearmy's left foot and leg, fracturing the tibia! Now he's got the advantage, and he makes use of it! He just charged at Spearmy and knocked him to the ground! In the east corner, Boots continues to bite away at CRUSHKILL! But without a proper weapon to finish the job, I don't know if he can score the kill! In the north corner, Vox tu Fistula finally beats Harold's defense and breaks Harold's humerus with a vicious strike! Humorous to Vox maybe, but Harold isn't laughing. Harold Bird passes out from the pain, and Vox goes for the decapitation once... twice... three times! Instead of a decapitation, he'll have to settle for smashing Harold's head into a bloody pulp. The third kill of the Battle Royale is official! Five fighters remain! Spermy gets back to his feet, and he and Dwayne continue to trade ineffective blows. Both of their defenses are pretty formidable. In the east, Boots continues gnawing on the prone CRUSHKILL, and to the north, Vox is staying put! He's catching his breath. That fight with Harold wore him out. No, he's waiting until there's only one opponent left. No need to take unnecessary risks! In the southwest, Dwayne lands a strike on Spearmy's right rear foot, damaging it severely! With two of his four legs now out of commission, Spearmy can't stay on his feet anymore and the molemarian crashes to the ground! Dwayne wastes no time pressing his advanteage, hacking Spearmy in the lower body and opening up the inferior mesenteric artery! Quit making words up, Gorilla. You're not fooling anybody. The two fighters then trade blows which are parried, and then Spearmy hacks off Dwayne's left leg! The tigerman is on the ground with him! Boots is the only fighter still able to stand, but without a weapon, will that do him any good? I don't know, Brain. He still hasn't killed CRUSHKILL, whom he continues to chew on. From the ground, Dwayne severs one of Spearmy's feet, then severs his weapon hand! Molemarians may not feel pain, but they do feel blood loss, and Spearmy is feeling that right now as his blood pumps out all over the arena floor. Meanwhile, to the north, Vox tu Fistula hasn't moved from his spot since bringing down Harold Bird. Biding his time. Dwayne severs Spearmy's other arm, and then another foot. Spearmy is taking a ridiculous amount of punishment here but he stubbornly continues to live! That's what molemarians do, Jess. Nature's punching bag. Dwayne takes off another of Spearmy's legs! Spearmy utters a curse and swings his axe one last time, glancing off of Dwayne's shield, and then the molemarian expires in a huge pool of his own blood! And then there were four! Dwayne slowly crawls east, towards the battle between Boots and CRUSHKILL. If you can call that a battle, Gino. It's more like an all-you-can-eat buffet. Dwayne closes about half of the distance, when CRUSHKILL finally expires from blood loss! Death from a thousand bites! Only three fighters are left! Vox tu Fistula continues to hang back, as Dwayne and Boots close in on each other. Dwayne hacks at Boots, but is only able to land a bruise on the serpent man's hand. That's a wasted opportunity there. Boots lunges at Dwayne, biting the tigerman's arm and latching on! Uh-oh! Snakeman venom is injected once again! Will Dwayne meet the same fate as CRUSHKILL? As Boots begins gnawing on Dwayne, Vox slowly makes his way across the arena towards the other two fighters. He knows he'll probably meet the same fate unless he can attack Boots while the snakeman is distracted with his meal. But slowed by his injuries as he is, the lumbering troll is unable to get there quickly enough, before Dwayne bleeds out! This is it, then! Boots vs. Vox! Vox tu Fistula leads off by stabbing Boots in the hand! That's a good start, but he needs to watch out for that snakebite. Vox swings his sword again! A powerful blow collides with Boots's bronze breastplate! The hit didn't penetrate, but it looks like the force of that hit broke a few ribs through the armor! Now Boots lunges and bites Vox in the arm! Snake venom is injected again! I've seen this movie before, and I know how it ends. As we've seen so many times before, Boots keeps biting his opponent over and over to keep him down! Yeah, but this time, it looks like those broken ribs are really hurting him. Boots gasps for air between bites, and he's in obvious pain from those ribs! It's like they say, broken ribs only hurt when you breathe. Finally it's Boots who collapses, and both fighters are unconscious! Who's going to wake up first? It's Vox! Vox awakens and picks up the prone snakeman's body, and starts pulling joints the wrong way! I may not have your background in anatomy, Gino, but I'm pretty sure a wrist isn't meant to bend that far. After working the unconscious snakeman's body over, Vox finally gores his horn into Boots's face, and it's all over! Vox tu Fistula has done it! I can deal with this outcome, but I was pulling for Spearmy. You would. An entertaining performance all around by all of the fighters! I really thought Boots and his poison bite had this one, but it wasn't meant to be. For Jesse Ventura and Bobby "The Brain" Heenan, this is Gorilla Monsoon signing off from Dwarfhalla Square Garden, where Vox tu Fistula has won the battle royale to take the final spot in the tournament! Good night, everyone!Combat Log
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May 10, 2015 05:07
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Ahahaha holy poo poo, I wish Boots would have won, if only to see whether that build could have accomplished anything else later. Thank you so much for bringing this back, Jazzimus. 
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May 10, 2015 05:26
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| # ? Apr 26, 2024 06:30 |
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 Congrats HerpicleOmnicron5.These are a treat, Jazzimus. Looking forward to the tournament proper.
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May 10, 2015 05:48
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