Search Amazon.com:
Register a SA Forums Account here!
JOINING THE SA FORUMS WILL REMOVE THIS BIG AD, THE ANNOYING UNDERLINED ADS, AND STUPID INTERSTITIAL ADS!!!

You can: log in, read the tech support FAQ, or request your lost password. This dumb message (and those ads) will appear on every screen until you register! Get rid of this crap by registering your own SA Forums Account and joining roughly 150,000 Goons, for the one-time price of $9.95! We charge money because it costs us $3,400 per month for bandwidth bills alone, and since we don't believe in shoving popup ads to our registered users, we try to make the money back through forum registrations.
«114 »
  • Post
  • Reply
Bad Munki
Nov 4, 2008

We're all mad here.


Killthenrun1 posted:

So who is the bookie's favourite to win the whole thing?

Me.

Adbot
ADBOT LOVES YOU

Khisanth Magus
Mar 30, 2011

Vae Victus

Dang you random spine stabbing, you cost me some fake money!

ZeeToo
Feb 20, 2008

I'm a kitty!


I'm going to say Junai, just so I can crow later if I'm right.

Artificer
Apr 8, 2010

You're going to try ponies and you're. Going. To. LOVE. ME!!

drat. That was quite a fight.

Killthenrun1
Dec 19, 2011

by Ozmaugh


How did I miss such a big mistake I meant who is the bookie's favouite? Also do you think I will have forgiven you that quick Munki?

team overhead smash
Sep 2, 2006

Team-Forest-Tree-Dog:
Smashing your way into our hearts one skylight at a time

Just been reading this LP and found it both really funny and really interesting.

At the moment I'm betting on a Strangler victory. They're the smallest race that seemed to get quite a few victories in round 1. Although that was mostly due to facing even smaller opponents as someone predicted, now it's getting it's round 2 their greater points values and super strength should mean they have enough skill to hit people, they'll hit them hard, and they'll have enough defensive skill or armour to make sure they aren't taken out early.

Killthenrun1
Dec 19, 2011

by Ozmaugh


I was not around for the other tournaments but is it normal to go this long without a fight?

Boing
Jul 12, 2005

trapped in custom title factory, send help

Oh yeah. Vox a busy man.

Vox Nihili
May 28, 2008


Round Two, Match Three


Match Three, Wally "The Wall" Wallson (mmm11105) vs. Picnic Raider (Monk E)

Wally "The Wall" Wallson, a strangler, is armored to an extent that other gladiators could only dream of. Two oaken bucklers, a full-sized oaken shield, iron helm, iron mail shirt, iron gauntlets, iron boots, iron greaves, and hardened leather armor. Oh, and Wally also has a steel short sword in case he actually wants to hurt someone, too. Picnic Raider is a balanced if unarmored soldier ant woman, wielding a copper flail and oaken buckler. The ant woman looks like she may have the perfect build to counter Wally, as his armor is unlikely to protect him from her heavy flail.



The fight begins! Wally, despite being weighed down by his gear, is still just slightly quicker than Picnic Raider and manages to take the first swing. The ant woman dodges past him, and the two warriors reengage a moment later, now turned opposite their original facing. Wally strikes again, but Picnic Raider blocks and counters, landing a bruising strike to Wally's armored foot.



Now Picnic Raider attacks Wally, but the strangler blocks with his panoply of shields. Wally slashes back with a counter and follows up with another jab of his sword, but neither attacks connect with the agile ant woman. Picnic Raider thwacks Wally in the arm with her heavy flail, but the tough, armored strangler shrugs it off.

Wally pushes forward with another two quick attacks, but the ant woman dodges one and blocks the other, then counters, landing another weak bruising hit on Wally. But the ant woman strikes again, this time hitting the strangler at the only point where he lacks rigid iron armor- the upper arm! The leather and mail covering that point do little to turn the blow, and the impact shatters Wally's arm!



The injury doesn't slow Wally down, and the two warriors continue exchanging strikes. Suddenly, the smaller strangler decides to turn the tables by charging at his larger opponent! Picnic Raider is caught off-guard and tumbles to the ground along with her foe, though neither is hurt in the scramble. Wally is first to his feet, and the ant woman is forced to scurry out from under him on all... sixes. Despite her position of disadvantage, Picnic Raider is able to block Wally's next attack and counter with a strike of her own, bruising the strangler's hand. She then stands up and is able to immediately jump backwards to avoid Wally's next attack.



Now Wally advances and stabs at Picnic Raider, finally making contact and jamming his weapon in the chitin of her arm! The ant woman whacks Wally in the foot with her flail, but again, inflicts only superficial damage. Trying to press his momentary advantage, Wally charges, bringing both he and his opponent to the ground again, but this time he finds himself stunned by the action! Picnic Raider is soon on her feet above Wally, but the strangler stabs at her, forcing her to leap away and surrender that particular advantage.



Wally blocks twice while getting to his feet, then suffers a minor blow to his gauntleted hand. Regardless of the bashing weapon his opponent is using, Wally's iron armor is really paying dividends, having helped protect him from at least eight strikes so far. Picnic Raider attacks yet again, but Wally blocks this strike and counters- by biting down on her unprotected arm with his large, toothy maw! The ant woman responds by charging at Wally, and succeeds in knocking him to the ground, but not in dislodging the grip his teeth have on her arm. Wally blocks two strikes and absorbs a blow to the chest before getting up, and blocks more strikes after. At this point, Picnic Raider finally breaks free of Wally's bite.

Now Picnic Raider rushes the strangler again, knocking him down hard! Wally, stunned, is unable to block the next strikes. Crack, his foot is crushed, right through the boot! Crunch, another of his arms is broken! Wally is now in such terrible pain that he can no longer even mount a meaningful defense.



Picnic Raider immediately smashes the strangler one more time, and he succumbs to the pain. The ant woman then goes to work at crushing his skull, but his solid iron helmet keeps the strangler alive through six straight attacks. The seventh finishes the job.



Combat Log

Though Wally's solid armor helped keep him alive, the massive expenditure of points on shields and iron plating meant that his skill levels were generally insufficient to overcome those of his opponent. Still, it could have gone either way.

Vox Nihili
May 28, 2008


I've noticed that the combat logs fail to include repeated actions. In game, I see this message:

ingame posted:

Picnic Raider bashes Wally "The Wall" Wallson in the head with its copper flail, but the attack is deflected by Wally "The Wall" Wallson's small iron helm! (5x)

But when I paste the text file from the game's folder, you guys get this instead:

gamelog posted:

Picnic Raider bashes Wally "The Wall" Wallson in the head with its copper flail, but the attack is deflected by Wally "The Wall" Wallson's small iron helm!

Fairly minor, but the lesson is that the combat logs might not be 100% representative of the "canon" action.

FiddlersThree
Mar 13, 2010

Elliot, you IDIOT!


Vox Nihili posted:

Though Wally's solid armor helped keep him alive, the massive expenditure of points on shields and iron plating meant that his skill levels were generally insufficient to overcome those of his opponent. Still, it could have gone either way.

That was a good, tense fight. I'd imagine that future bashy warriors will fare the same, falling to their superiorly armed and armored opponents. One example that jumps to mind is Ted the Hurty.

He's coming up next, dontcha know. Those of you who are smart will hurry and bet heavily on his opponent, the two-handed-sword-wielding Tigerman called Schrödinger. Schrödinger is sure to win!

Sibling of TB
Aug 3, 2007


Wow! What a good fight!

Great job conveying it to us Vox Nihili.

Killthenrun1
Dec 19, 2011

by Ozmaugh


Picnic rider deserved that one, there was no keeping her down.

FiddlersThree
Mar 13, 2010

Elliot, you IDIOT!


What's this? Ted the Hurty is the betting favorite in the next fight? Hurry and place your bets on his opponent, Schrödinger! After all, who could expect a mere human to slay a ferocious Tigerman in one-on-one combat? Ted is surely doomed! Make sure you've made the right bets to reap the rewards from his inevitable death and dismemberment!

Anchors
Nov 27, 2007


Just so everyone knows, Ted the Hurty's last opponent was an unarmed Molemarian with half the skill points unspent, so his fighting record may look good on paper, but it's like saying you successfully beat up a toddler.(I was counting on getting a tiny opponent)

FiddlersThree
Mar 13, 2010

Elliot, you IDIOT!


Excellent point, Anchors -- Ted is surely fighting above his weight class now!

Vox Nihili
May 28, 2008


Round Two, Match Four


Match Four, Ted the Hurty (FiddlersThree) vs. Schrödinger (Anticheese)

Ted the Hurty, human warrior,is armed with a heavy silver flail and oaken shield. His armor is extensive. He wears an iron helm, iron breast plate, iron gauntlets, iron greaves, and iron high boots, in addition to a copper mail shirt and leather under-cap. Schrödinger, tigerman, wields a massive two-handed iron greatsword in one hand and a copper shield in the other. His armor is less impressive, consisting of an oakwood helm, copper breast plate, and leather high boots. Ted the Hurty's heavy iron armor should protect him from Schrödinger's iron blade, but can he make any real impression on the tigerman with his flail?



The match begins! Ted the Hurty clanks forward as quickly as he can, Schrödinger nearly matching him from the other side of the ring despite his significant heft. The human is just quick enough to strike first, swinging his flail with every bit of strength available at his menacing opponent! In a stroke of sheer brilliance or wild luck, Ted strikes the tigerman in his weapon hand, crushing the small bones and knocking the massive sword from his grip!



But Schrödinger is unfazed, continuing his charge forward and striking with his heavy shield instead! Ted blocks the attack, shield meeting shield, and tigerman succeeds only in knocking Ted from his feet. The tigerman moves in close and tries to grind the downed human into the ground, but Ted blocks again, then arcs his flail onto his fierce opponent's foot, fracturing it through the leather boot! Schrödinger, comes crashing down, his foot no longer able to support his weight!



Schrödinger is now in a significant amount of pain. But he manages to strike at his opponent, forcing the human gladiator to scamper forward. Ted gets to his feet. Now the human is in control, towering over his once-mighty adversary! He twirls his flail and lands blow after blow, some merely bruising, others crushing flesh and bone into a useless amalgamation! Schrödinger defends himself fiercely, blocking several of the blows and countering as he can, but his strength wanes rapidly.



Now Schrödinger flees and cowers from each strike, but Ted pursues with iron resolve. Blow after blow rain upon the tigerman, and he loses hold of his shield, slipping in puddles of his own blood. Eventually he curls into a ball and lies in place, Ted bashing away fervently, blood spatter across his face, now screaming, triumphant, as the tigerman's limbs go limp, now landing the final, head-crushing blow, he stands atop his fallen foe, twirling his flail above his head, and sends it flying over the arena walls!



Combat Log

CommaToes
Dec 15, 2006

Yeah, she died, like, twenty minutes after that.


not looking good for the tigermen

FiddlersThree
Mar 13, 2010

Elliot, you IDIOT!


Combat Log posted:

Ted the Hurty punches Schrödinger in the right upper leg with his right hand, bruising the muscle

Huh. Somewhere in the midst of pulping Schrödinger's limbs, Ted took the time out to give him a nice Charley horse.

Anyways, I must say that I am shocked and amazed that the plucky Ted managed to snatch this victory from the jaws of certain defeat! I hope this doesn't dissuade all of you fine folks from betting heavily against Ted in future matches.

Vox Nihili
May 28, 2008


Round Two, Match Five


Match Five, Pinball Wizard (Dallbun) vs. Panty Thief (Mr. Vile)

Pinball Wizard the goblin is armed with a powerful steel crossbow and 40 matching bolts. He does not bother with armor. Panty Thief, a gigantic yeti, has the opposite arrangement. He is clad in iron helm, iron mail shirt, iron breast plate, iron greaves, iron gauntlets, and iron high boots, but his only weapons are his massive fists. Which will prevail- pure offense, or pure defense?



The battle commences, and Pinball Wizard immediately looses a bolt! The projectile strikes Panty Thief in the face, tearing open the yeti's cheek. The beast, enraged, lumbers forward.



Panty Thief passes the midpoint of the ring as Pinball Wizard fumbles with his crossbow, finally readying the next bolt. He fires, and the bolt rips through the yeti's lower arm, tearing through gauntlet, muscle, tendon, and bone, punching through the other side! Blood spouts from the injury. The yeti stumbles forward another pace, then another, then falls flat on his face, unconscious!



Pinball Wizard loads and fires bolt after bolt into the crippled beast before him, opening many cruel wounds. The yeti passes in and out of consciousness, managing on occasion to drag himself forward a few paces. Panty Thief's breast plate is thick enough to deflect a few of the bolts, but most continue to rip into his flesh.



The yeti is now directly before Pinball Wizard, but is in no state to inflict any harm upon the goblin. He flails weakly toward his tormentor several times, but continues to weaken. Finally, Panty Thief succumbs to suffocation, finished off but a severed spine. Pinball Wizard, still unharmed, is victorious!



Combat Log

Spermy Smurf
Jul 2, 2004
Viva la Malarky




That goblin is going to be incredibly hard to stop in the next round. He's going to get a lot of points, already has a steel crossbow, and he'll be even more skilled.

Wow.

Bad Munki
Nov 4, 2008

We're all mad here.


Yikes, that was pretty decisive.

Bozikek
Jul 22, 2007


Spine hits, the big guy folly?

Mr. Vile
Nov 25, 2009

And, where there is treasure, there will be Air Pirates.


Ah, dammit. I blame the goblin's lack of panties to steal.

FiddlersThree
Mar 13, 2010

Elliot, you IDIOT!


rickvoid posted:

pre:
Pinball Wizard 	WON 	795.00 	Panty Thief 	1,734.29 	View

...and rickvoid continues his ridiculous run of betting luck. I think I'm just going to bet his line every round.

ZeeToo
Feb 20, 2008

I'm a kitty!


Yikes. Didn't anticipate that at all.

I mean, I won my bet on it.

But I was playing the odds when I put it out.

Iunnrais
Jul 25, 2007

It's gaelic.

More than 2-to-1 payouts... nice. Wish I'd bet more than I did! Well, better spread my newfound 109.08 dwarfbucks on MORE BETTING.

Vox Nihili
May 28, 2008


Round Two, Match Six


Match Six, That One Snake Guy (dr solway garr) vs. Hiker Nos (ImperialGuard)

That One Snake Guy, a serpent man, has what appears to be a cobbled-together collection of gear. An iron sword and oak buckler. Copper cap under steel helm. Copper mail under steel breast plate. And, last but not least, a leather "boot" for his large tail. Hiker Nos's gear is slightly more coherent. Steel cap, iron helm, Steel breast plate, steel leggings, iron gauntlets, and steel high boots. Of note, his upper arms are exposed. That One Snake Guy will need to land a hit to the vulnerable arms before Hiker Nos ties his serpentine body into knots.



The fight begins. Both warriors advance, Snake Guy slightly ahead of his human opponent. The serpent man strikes first, and Hiker Nos leaps back to avoid being hit. Snake Guy advances, and Hiker Nos aims a punch at the serpent man, who flings himself forward to avoid the strike.



Snake Guy stabs Hiker Nos in the right shin, but steel leggings over steel boots easy deflect the strike. The human swings at Snake Guy, who jumps back, safely. Snake Guy thrusts his sword at Hiker Nos, who dodges, then attacks again, missing, allowing an opening for a retaliatory strike that also fails to score a hit.



The warriors step in and out of range now, both on their guard. Snake Guy attacks wildly, forcing Hiker Nos to dodge once, twice, thrice- but the third maneuver is an instant too slow, and Snake Guy's blade opens a shallow cut along Hiker Nos's vulnerable right arm!



The warriors jostle with one another back toward the center of the ring, where Snake Guy stabs at his opponent again, ripping another gash across the right arm perpendicular to the first! In response, Hiker Nos punches Snake Guy in the arm, inflicting a moderate bruise. Rather than causing the fight to settle into a slug-fest, though, the hits seem to increase the awareness of the warriors, and they continue to dodge back and forth across the arena.

Suddenly, Hiker Nos charges at Snake Guy, landing punch and knocking his opponent to the ground, stunned! Snake Guy weathers a couple punches as he recovers, but in a surprisingly vicious move, Hiker Nos rips at his opponent's thumb, tearing flesh from the bone in jagged strips!



Snake Guy leaps away from two of Hiker Nos's follow-up strikes, then attempts to turn the tables by charging at the larger human! Unfortunately, he only succeeds in knocking himself over, and Hiker Nos stands strong! In a bizarre role-reversal, Hiker Nos tries to bite at the downed snake man, but his puny teeth are easily turned by the serpent man's armor. An attempt to punch the beast in the head is also futile, as the heavy steel helm absorbs the strike with ease.

The warriors return to dodging and weaving for several tense seconds, then Snake Guy succeeds in jabbing his sword into Hiker Nos's left upper arm! The strike severs nerves, leaving the arm hanging uselessly from the human's shoulder.



The melee continues. Before long, Snake Guy lands another strike, this time hitting Hiker Nos's exposed right arm for the third time! The iron blade cuts somewhat deeper than before, but still fails to cause significant harm, though it does momentarily lodge in place. Hiker Nos punches Snake Guy in the sword hand, but the serpent man succeeds in freeing his blade without suffering any real harm.

The gladiators continue their dance, and suddenly, without warning, Hiker Nos gets hold of Snake Guy's left hand and attempts to drive his fingers right through the palm! Flesh gives way before his efforts, but Snake Guy retains the hold upon his shield, swearing to himself to at least get some gloves if he survives this encounter. Before long, though, he avenges himself, tearing yet another minor gash into Hiker Nos's right arm



The battle swings north, both warriors evading most of the strikes involved, allowing others to land upon the armored portions of their bodies. Suddenly, Snake Guy scores another hit to that same upper portion of the right arm, this time cutting through cords of muscle. Somehow, Hiker Nos retains the use of the limb and continues the fight, though it is clear that the wounds are beginning to wear upon him. A punch to Snake Guy's right hand bruises the bone- just a bit harder and he might have crippled the hand entirely!



The brawl continues to spill northward. Hiker Nos levels another shot on Snake Guy's wounded hand, further bruising the extremity. Both fighters, it seems, are intent upon their opponent's vulnerabilities, and both could cripple the other with a single decisive action. Suddenly, Hiker Nos decides to charge at the serpent man! Snake Guy manages to throw himself from the berserk warrior's path, then bites at the human's heel with his venomous fangs! Fortunately for Hiker Nos, his heavy steel boot prevents the sudden move from succeeding, and the fight continues! The warriors swirl around one another, more like creatures of steam than the solid beasts they are, though the illusion is regularly broken when a fist or sword clangs against steel armor or oak shield.

In a moment of incredible acuity, Snake Guy suddenly coils and springs forward, thrusting his short sword through Hiker Nos's crippled left bicep and simultaneously colliding bodily with the warrior! Though Snake Guy bounces back from the impact, it is enough to leave Hiker Nos momentarily stunned, albeit still upon his feet! Snake Guy goes for the human warrior's hand with a quick thrust of his blade, but the iron gauntlet still turns his weapon. Hiker Nos attempts a drunken upper-cut, missing completely, and Snake Guy counters with a quick rabbit-punch to the throat! But Hiker Nos weathers the strike with no apparent difficulty, along with an ineffectual pommel-blow to the lower arm. Now the warriors are back on level footing, but a mere moment later Snake Guy jams his sword through Hiker Nos's left arm yet again, leaving the useless limb even more mangled than before.



The warriors weave around the middle of the field, across spatters of blood, avoiding one another for just a few more moments, when suddenly Snake Guy jams his sword back into Hiker Nos's left arm. The human manages to capture the serpent man's buckler between his arm and body, essentially locking the two warriors in place, faces mere inches apart. They punch and slash wildly at one another for a few short moments, no longer able to dodge, and in an instant Snake Guy sheers off Hiker Nos's right arm entirely, freeing himself in the process!



Somehow, the fight continues. Though Hiker Nos is robbed of his ability to punch and grasp, he continues to attempt kicks, and his armor protects what remains of his body well enough, even as his blood flows out in ruby-red torrents. But Hiker Nos was a boxer and grappler, and fails to land any further strikes, even as his opponent bounces hit after hit off of his armor. Finally, the serpent man jabs his sword through the flailing, useless left arm one lest time, severing the remaining tissues and sending the ruined limb spiraling through the air. Hiker Nos rapidly loses what blood remained in him, and after attempting one last, weak kick, crumples to the ground, dead. That One Snake Guy is victorious!



Combat Log

Moral of the story from both sides of this fight: If you are going to invest heavily in armor, don't leave obvious chinks for your opponent to exploit!

resistentialism
Aug 13, 2007



His face shirt wasn't enough to protect his face.

edit beaten by new update

resistentialism fucked around with this message at Jan 13, 2012 around 21:13

Jazzimus Prime
May 16, 2002

Autobot Commander, 2005-2007

And two brawlers go down in a row! Not a good day for those who chose to fight without a proper weapon.

Astus
Nov 11, 2008


Jazzimus Prime posted:

And two brawlers go down in a row! Not a good day for those who chose to fight without a proper weapon.

Especially since that last one still got disarmed in a more literal sense than normal.

Agent Interrobang
Mar 27, 2010

sugar & spice & psychoactive mushrooms


Sweet Armok, that was brutal even for this tournament. Bravo to both fighters for a hell of a show, and to Vox for excellent commentary!

The Lone Badger
Sep 24, 2007


Hiker Nos needs to be posthumously renamed 'Black Knight'.

Orv
May 4, 2011

Precisely.


At the rate this is going, the next two seasons could be manned entirely by flesh golems made of past contestants.

Killthenrun1
Dec 19, 2011

by Ozmaugh


How long did that fight last IRL? I would guess about 3 minutes.

Vox Nihili
May 28, 2008


Killthenrun1 posted:

How long did that fight last IRL? I would guess about 3 minutes.

Well, in order to properly document and record the fights I don't run them straight through. I pause frequently and use the "." command to move one step forward at a time often. However, I would guess that at 100 fps that fight would last about 30-40 seconds. That sounds short, but it's an eternity in arena time.

ImperialGuard
Jan 10, 2010


Welp, Nos lived up to his anagramatic namesake pretty well, excluding the whole traditional hitting his opponent an inhuman number of times in a few seconds.

RickVoid
Oct 21, 2010


FiddlersThree posted:

...and rickvoid continues his ridiculous run of betting luck. I think I'm just going to bet his line every round.

That's a terrible idea. Only half of my bets came out as victory's last time anyway, and my luck is bound to run out sooner or later. Wouldn't you rather be on the side that's going to get all of my hard-won funds? Seriously, review the previous rounds fights and make smart bets, rather than the gimmick "Goblin Supremacy" bets I've been running.

<_<

Goblin Supremacy

Dirty Frank
Jul 8, 2004
Dirty Frank knows you're there

You... you mean Goblins aren't superior? I can't belive this, I mean really!

Adbot
ADBOT LOVES YOU

Boing
Jul 12, 2005

trapped in custom title factory, send help

That was kickass Vox. Armless boxer, thumb-biting, blood everywhere oh poo poo

  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
  • Post
  • Reply
«114 »