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Silverminnow
Feb 25, 2008
Shiniest fish in the sea!

Aye, my kobold is ready too! I sent it via e-mail. Can't wait for this to start up!
Thanks ZeeToo.

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ZeeToo
Feb 20, 2008

I'm a kitty!


I've got seven qualified entrants now, along with several more sent back for revision--mostly the platinum armor thing. I forgot to mention to attach your username to your emails if you send it that way, so don't forget if you do so now.

If you didn't hear from me, it's because there were no issues.

VladTheEater
Dec 30, 2008

Ahhhhhh, fresh meat.

I am in like Donkey Kong and it is on like Flynn!

Vox Nihili
May 28, 2008


I'd like to add that the "winner" of this just might earn a very special prize in the next tournament.

I'll probably throw together my kobold entrant tonight, as well.

SynthOrange
May 6, 2007

I feel the pressure,
under more scrutiny
And what I do,
act more stupidly


The winner gets to die horribly in round one of the next tourney?

Vox Nihili
May 28, 2008


Sent mine in. I might just lose this.

TheWhaler
Nov 6, 2009


Sent in my entry. Hopefully I'm not late~!

ZeeToo
Feb 20, 2008

I'm a kitty!


With TheWhaler, we're at 14 out of 16. Odds are I'll run the first set of fights tomorrow afternoon.

We've got some... interesting contestant names, let me tell you.

Boing
Jul 12, 2005

trapped in custom title factory, send help

I am excited for the names more than anything else.

(sent mine!)

Veryslightlymad
Jun 3, 2007

My previous avatar was pretty sexist. I was overcompensating for being a Shy Guy.


I hope I make 16 and someone didn't beat me to the punch. Hammerin' Pete must Hammer some dudes!

ZeeToo
Feb 20, 2008

I'm a kitty!


And, just like that, it's 16 and I'm going to go to bed.

Here's our match-ups:
Disco McGlitterpants (Bad Munki) vs The Formerly Deceased Reborn Undead Krying Phoenix Zombie, the Victim of the Random Number God (Krysmphoenix)
Compensatory Pick (oldskool) vs Pantsbold (TheWhaler)
Karcinogen (Orv) vs Bo the Cold (Vox Nihili)
Hammerin' Pete (Veryslightlymad) vs Wally Walleyed (Anchors)
Captain Blood Loss (Boing) vs Klokberk (Klokwurk)
Kobald (Silverminnow) vs http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HtM4DdLYFfI (Pittsburgh Lambic/Brick Moses)
Genghis Kan't (Bene Elim) vs Silver Striker (Ramc)
Cyclonus (AJ Impy) vs Bizarro Pun-Pun, the Theoretical Imperfect Kobold (VladTheEater)


They run the gamut; some look about reasonable for a normal attempted win, some are a bit goofy, some are hilariously out there, and... one of you guys went seriously all in for this.

Should be some interesting matches.

Sibling of TB
Aug 3, 2007


So the winning kolbold will be the one that loses in matches against the most opponents?

Do I understand this correctly?

Orv
May 4, 2011

Precisely.


Oh man. I'm pretty sure Vox knows way more than me about making terrible DF characters.


...That's not how... I mean... poo poo.


I'm going to be really disappointed if I win. I mean really, what on earth did I make.

Orv fucked around with this message at Feb 26, 2012 around 13:32

Veryslightlymad
Jun 3, 2007

My previous avatar was pretty sexist. I was overcompensating for being a Shy Guy.


I'm REALLY excited to see what people came up with. The three thousand point thing was a lot---I wound up going with a whole lot of points into "realistic" options, but did my best to make the actual options useless. The way people are talking makes me think that I'll get tossed against people with huge amounts of kicking and biting, ridiculous armor, but the least effectual weapon they can come up with.......

I'm still going with my theory, though. I'm trying to emulate a realistic failure---which in my view, are often the most spectacular of failures.

EDIT
Unfortunately, this means I might just realistically fail and have a spectacular success.

Veryslightlymad fucked around with this message at Feb 26, 2012 around 13:43

AJ_Impy
Jun 17, 2007



I've got a few theories as to what is guaranteed to fail: I look forward to seeing if I'm right.

Orv
May 4, 2011

Precisely.


Teaser: They're made of steel, and I'm not really sure how that's even possible.

Bad Munki
Nov 4, 2008

We're all mad here.


So do we get more points between rounds that we have to spend, or are our characters basically fixed at this point? Just curious if we can safely discuss builds. :P

Krysmphoenix
Jul 29, 2010

BAHAMUT.
Torch 'im.
I don't want to see
even ashes left.


I just did what I normally do. Actually attempt to build a Kobold to legitimately win, and then see it lose. You better post the builds for each Kobold, so we can see how crazy some of you folks are.

AJ_Impy
Jun 17, 2007



I considered the best ways of using up the points in a losing manner, and went for strategies weak against those.

Vox Nihili
May 28, 2008


Sibling of TB posted:

So the winning kolbold will be the one that loses in matches against the most opponents?

Do I understand this correctly?

I believe it's a tournament-style bracket where the losing party advances.

By the way, did you people buy any skills with your points? Cuz I sure didnt.

Bad Munki
Nov 4, 2008

We're all mad here.


Pfft, not a single one! I'm counting on either a) not being able to get a single shot off, or b) getting my three shots off but horribly. Of course, if I accidentally hit my opponent, that's gonna screw things up pretty bad for me. But provided I can't make that happen, I'm pretty sure my kobold is 100% useless.

AJ_Impy
Jun 17, 2007



Vox Nihili posted:

By the way, did you people buy any skills with your points? Cuz I sure didnt.

There's something I didn't buy, but it's a lot better at guaranteeing a loss than a point in skills here or there...

ZeeToo
Feb 20, 2008

I'm a kitty!


- Builds are fixed as of right now. Now that results are being seen, no fair to let people keep revising. No progression, nothing. Just fights to winnow this down.
- I figure I'll show the winner... loser... er, non-progressing fighter's build when they lose, just to show them off.

AJ_Impy posted:

There's something I didn't buy, but it's a lot better at guaranteeing a loss than a point in skills here or there...
- The judge.

Kobold Krusher Round One:
Disco McGlitterpants (Bad Munki) vs The Formerly Deceased Reborn Undead Krying Phoenix Zombie, the Victim of the Random Number God (Krysmphoenix)

Disco tried to enter with a set of adamantine greaves, low boots, and crossbow, but unfortunately kobold weapon restrictions forced him to shift to a normal bow, which (un?)fortunately no longer used up all 3,000 points.

Zombie, on the other hand, wields a platinum bow with a far less fumble-fingered grasp, and is covered in solid steel armor from head to toe.


They start off with a Western-style showdown, staring each other down from across the arena. For a long minute, neither blinks. Finally, Disco's nerve cracks first, and he pulls his light bow with lightning speed. Zombie is barely a step behind, and both arrows fly at the same moment, and...



...Whiff. Frantically, the twin bowbolds scramble for a second arrow. This time Zombie is the first to fire, and his arrow aims straight at McGlitterpants' brilliant pants. Astoundingly, the platinum punches through and scrapes the skin underneath, though not cripplingly so.

Disco retaliates, and adamantine scrapes a painful cut along the zombie's left hand, sticking where it hits. With their last shots, the kobolds trade... another set of misses.



The fierce Zombie is the first to believe his quiver is empty, and charges over half the arena before Disco rouses himself to match the charge.

It's not much of a fight. Zombie efficiently shatters bone with his heavy bow, crunching Disco hard and even biting in his savage attack. Disco can't even grasp his bow once both of his hands get broken, and he passes out from pain a moment later.



Zombie pulverizes Disco's soft, unarmored head with his necromantically-fueled muscles moments later.

And, as befitting long-standing tradition, Krysmphoenix's bowbold is knocked out of the running on the very first round.

Fight log

quote:

Name: The Formerly Deceased Reborn Undead Krying Phoenix Zombie, the Victim of the Random Number God.
Armor: Steel Helm (250), Steel Mail Shirt (450), Steel Greaves (300), Steels Gauntlet (200), Steel High Boot (200). Total Armor Value (1400)
Weapons: Platinum Bow (375)
Skills: Bow User 3 (90), Archery 3 (60), Sword User 7 (840), Fighting 5 (225), Biting 1 (10). Total Skill Value (1225)
Total spent: 1400 + 375 + 1225 = 4000.
(It says 4000, but he actually spent 3000)

Veryslightlymad
Jun 3, 2007

My previous avatar was pretty sexist. I was overcompensating for being a Shy Guy.


Wait, you could buy weapon skills for weapons you didn't USE? drat it!

ZeeToo
Feb 20, 2008

I'm a kitty!


Veryslightlymad posted:

Wait, you could buy weapon skills for weapons you didn't USE? drat it!

No, but bows also key off of sword skill for their use in melee. It was a bit skirting the rules, but I decided to allow it.

oldskool
Aug 9, 2010


Wait, if winning is bad I think I have a legitimate chance!

Krysmphoenix
Jul 29, 2010

BAHAMUT.
Torch 'im.
I don't want to see
even ashes left.


ZeeToo posted:

And, as befitting long-standing tradition, Krysmphoenix's bowbold is knocked out of the running on the very first round.

This is what I get for building a bowbold with the intention of actually winning a drat match.

Bad Munki
Nov 4, 2008

We're all mad here.


Muahahaha! That's how you win lose like a pro kobold!

ZeeToo
Feb 20, 2008

I'm a kitty!


Kobold Krusher, Round One, Fight Two:
Compensatory Pick (oldskool) vs Pantsbold (TheWhaler)

Compensatory Pick hefts a pick-and-shield combo, along with full steel armor save for mail. His opponent Pantsbold sports merely two platinum scourges and adamantine greaves and high boots, not dissimilar from what Disco had last time, but as that all together doesn't add up to much, we can guess Pantsbold is no slouch in skills--in point of fact, he has the most skill ranks out of anyone in this tournament! Can competence be a curse? We'll have to find out...

Pantsbold is unsurprisingly faster, and takes the first swing, but Pick proves adroit enough to jump away. Pantsbold chases after, then turns that into a quick tumble as he dodges in turn. Pick lands the first blow of the fight... straight into Pantsbold's adamantine-shod toe! Unsurprisingly, it doesn't hurt, and Pantsbold knocks Pick over for his trouble.



A ringing blow to the ear dizzies Pick, and then a lick of the scourge savages the nerves in his arm and cause him to drop his shield.

Pick tries a feeble counter attack, but Pantsbold is merciless: another savage arm-blow and Pick drops his eponymous pick. He's now holding nothing, with both arms near-useless! Can he turn it around?

Bizarrely, possibly. Now both fighters have the other's measure, and capably weave away from blows. The fight ranges all over before Pantsbold manages to land another blow--again targeting the injured left arm!



Pick's options are growing slim. He attempts to ram Pantsbold to possibly disrupt the rhythm of the whirling scourges, but slips instead and bangs his own head!

Pantsbold seems confused. Compensatory Pick is armored mainly in the head and extremities, and not at all in the torso, but Pantsbold keeps landing ineffective hits to the armor. Finally, in annoyance, he performs some unlicensed dentistry, and one of Pick's teeth goes flying!

This is the beginning of the end. Now he's figured out where the armor is, and he begins brutally working over Pick's exposed midriff. Eventually, mercifully, Compensatory Pick bleeds out, only to now face revival and the same situation in the next round.

It seems Pantsbold's skills were enough to earn him a disqualifying victory.

Fight log

quote:

Weapon:
-2 x Platinum Scourge (600)

Armour:
-Adamantine Greaves (720)
-Adamantine High boots (480)

Skills:
-4 Lash(300)
-4 Wrestling (50)
-4 Striking (100)
-4 Biting (100)
-4 Kicking (100)
-4 Armour (50)
-4 Dodging (150)
-3 Fighting (90)

This fight could easily have gone the other way--and, in fact, I'm surprised it didn't. Pantsbold was burdened down and gave up the first hit, but both contestants had a hard time figuring out how to take advantage of the gaping holes in the other's armor.

VladTheEater
Dec 30, 2008

Ahhhhhh, fresh meat.

Argh, I made way too good a Kobold... I thought we were going to have to spend more points each round so I left room for advancement... T_T;

President Ark
May 16, 2010

Looks like you got a good deal there!

So are we going to have a loser's winner's bracket where the winners losers face off to compete for the runner-up position?

TheWhaler
Nov 6, 2009


I was kind of hoping that the exposed everything would make up for the skills - one hit to that exposed torso/head would have spelled the end (and win?) of pantsbold.

Iunnrais
Jul 25, 2007

It's gaelic.

When this is over, I think I'm going to run a team-melee with the 1st Round Losers (the winners) matched up in a series of exhibition fights versus a series of monstrous beasts that far outclass them.

Pity betting is disabled for these side fights... the betting is half the fun!

ZeeToo
Feb 20, 2008

I'm a kitty!


Kobold Krusher, Round One Fight Three:
Karcinogen (Orv) vs Bo the Cold (Vox Nihili)

Karcinogen wields a steel whip in each hand, and his body is protected by triple layered bronze mail, a pair of copper caps perched oddly on top of each other, and steel boots and gauntlets. Bo the Cold may have just the weapon to not penetrate that defense, though: a platinum dagger. He is shod in two adamantine mail shirts, full oaken other armor, including multiple caps and a helmet, and sports a wooden shield, as well. In contrast to other candidates thus far, Bo the Cold has a strong core defense, but little protection on his extremities.

Again the two contestants are perfectly matched in speed, equally unslowed by their armor. It could be anyone's fight to settle right off!



First blood! Karcinogen whips Bo the Cold twice so fast that it's not until after the second blow that Bo the Cold drops his buckler--that first hit shattered his hand thoroughly.

This looks to be a one-sided fight. Bo simply is not a very skilled fighter, while his opponent is. More whip blows come in, fracturing bone and bruising muscle in turn. Mere minutes into the fight, Karcinogen's steel snaps Bo's spine.



Bo lies helpless in a pool of his own blood as his bones are snapped one by one.

His end is a long time in coming.



Fight log

quote:

Figher Name: Karcinogen

Equipment:
2 Steel Whips - 1400
Steel Gauntlets - 200
Steel High Boots - 200
2 Copper Caps - 60
3 Bronze Mail Shirts - 540


Skills:
Lash 6 - 180
Biting 6 - 60
Kicking 6 - 60
Armor 6 - 105
Total = 2805

Karcinogen could never have lost this--his skills were too good. Even if Bo the Cold had been armored head to toe in maximum adamantine, Karcinogen would've won, I think.

Tarezax
Sep 12, 2009

MORT cancels dance: interrupted by MORT


Are adamantine nerf-hammers not allowed?

ZeeToo
Feb 20, 2008

I'm a kitty!


Tarezax posted:

Are adamantine nerf-hammers not allowed?

I did my best to pull out all the really pathetic options to make for more interesting fights. Vox suggested a few more I hadn't, and that was one of them.

Vox Nihili
May 28, 2008


Yay, my ultra-abusive build worked.

Maybe there should have been a minimum skill investment.

Oh, and as soon as this side-tournament concludes, I'll run another marathon of fights from the main event. At least four this time!

Revenant Threshold
Jan 1, 2008


ZeeToo posted:

No, but bows also key off of sword skill for their use in melee. It was a bit skirting the rules, but I decided to allow it.
In fact bows with high sword skill can be pretty useful, since they do blunt damage. If dual-wielding a bow and sword had been within the rules of the main contest, I might have done it.

Vox Nihili
May 28, 2008


Revenant Threshold posted:

In fact bows with high sword skill can be pretty useful, since they do blunt damage. If dual-wielding a bow and sword had been within the rules of the main contest, I might have done it.

Stranglers and antmen can do this thanks to their four arms.

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Hooplah
Jul 15, 2006


fuck money
smoke bitches
get trees


They're called antwomyn, mr. patriarchy!!!

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