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opie posted:That's why I think people who are 18 and older should immediately get permanently sterilized when they decide they want to. I just looked and there's a procedure called Essure that seems relatively non-invasive and cheap. Maybe Planned Parenthood could do it. And being able to say "I can't ever have kids" would surely end all these constant arguments people claim to have way faster than "I hate kids eww gross." Pretty sure this is sarcasm. But as an attorney that specializes in health law, I'd be pretty damned stressed if one of the doctors in my clinics said that s/he had sterilized anyone under the age of 35 without significant counseling. The potential for the patient to come back in a year or two and sue for some kind of malpractice is just too damned high. Clearly this US specific, but there are very few areas of medical malpractice where you are quite as guaranteed to win, especially if you get to a jury (particularly a Southern jury), as when a patient is suing over anything related to reproduction. I'm definitely ~~childfree~~ but I'd be stressed as hell if one of my doctors was all "welp, patient wanted it and after a 15 minute consult I just scheduled the op." Talk about making all of my liability warning alarms go off at once. Vashro posted:The contrast of anti-baby cat people everyone to is hilarious in this thread. You ever notice how dog people don't share the same sentiment? I have a dog and I'm not having kids. What up?
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Aug 1, 2011 00:13
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EmeraldFlashlight posted:Is there a big difference between different kinds of hormonal BC pills too? Or do all hormonal types affect you in pretty much the same kind of hell-on-earth ways? It pretty much depends on your own personal chemistry. BC fucks me over no matter what I'm on, though. Dog person here, never having kids because my genetics are poo poo and I'd currently make an awful parent. Who knows. I might adopt some day but I'm not having any of my own. I've been reading the thread as it goes along and if you want sterilized, you should be able to be sterilized. Would've saved me years of not being able to go places or do things during my cycle. I mean, SA fixed it (if you're a girl and you haven't looked at the cup thread in A/T, you really should. It's here: http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3365134 ) but I'd still rather have those years back. I begged for sterilization thinking it was the only way to make it better. I'm 25 in a couple of months and I wouldn't have cried about not being able to have kids for the past 7 years at any point because I've always known my genetics were awful and poo poo, I don't wanna do that to some kid.
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Aug 1, 2011 01:14
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Citizen Rat posted:I have a dog and I'm not having kids. What up? You don't seem anti-baby though. There is a difference.
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Aug 1, 2011 01:29
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I wouldn't say I hate children, but as a married 31 year old with the window quickly closing, all I need to do is spend some time where children congregate to remind me why I choose to have none. My wife feels the same way.
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Aug 1, 2011 01:44
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EmeraldFlashlight posted:Is there a big difference between different kinds of hormonal BC pills too? Or do all hormonal types affect you in pretty much the same kind of hell-on-earth ways? Not really, the key is just to find the right dose that doesn't make you feel horrible. For example I had one that had a rather big dose of hormones in it and it worked pretty well for me but it kinda freaked me out and I thought it would mess with my body too much (even though everything was going pretty well, I was still afraid). So I got a much weaker one, which resulted in nausea a few hours after I took it every day. Switched to a pill with the same ingredients and same dosage and felt a lot better. Forget everything you know about generics when it comes to pills, I guess... But yes, not every pill makes you feel horrible, you just need to find one that is right for you. Not to mention some girls have to take them when they get their period very early on and very very strongly so they don't lose too much blood (pills can fix that).
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Aug 1, 2011 01:48
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Shoe of all Cosmos posted:I do think it's unhealthy that I feel a physical sickness when I think about pregnancy; that's one of the main reasons I posted the thread for help. However, though I do have a very strong aversion to children, my frustration at the time of writing made things come off as overkill in the OP. I'm sure the thread title didn't help either, durr. I can look at kids and talk to kids, but if I have a choice I will not interact. Being nice and civilized to child customers at work is pretty easy. Well, I'd say I agree that feeling physically sick is a bit much, and probably the sign of something more complex than just not liking children. If it's distressing enough to interfere with your day to day life, I would recommend seeing a psychologist. If not, I guess it depends on whether it's irksome enough that you feel the need to do anything about it. But otherwise, there isn't really anything wrong with not liking kids. They kind of require a certain kind of patience to deal with, and not everyone has that kind of patience. Plus, as a parent, there are certain demands an individual needs to meet, which not everybody can. And it's not like we need everyone on the planet going off an having kids, so a few people opting out isn't going to cause any series problems (well, as long as enough people are having kids that there isn't a rapid population decline). I do recommend you really talk it over with your partner. If he's deadset on having kids, and that's not something you're able to do, then the relationship probably isn't going to work. It's probably best to part ways in that kind of situation, before anyone finds themselves stuck in an unfulfilling relationship. It's something you definitely need to keep in mind. Anyway, we've all got our little quirks, and there are plenty of people who aren't fond of kids, as this thread can attest to. You're probably not doing too bad if you can still deal with kids. I can't even do that, at least for extended periods of time (long story, I'll spare you the details). My point being, try not to stress yourself out too much over it. Vashro posted:The contrast of anti-baby cat people everyone to is hilarious in this thread. You ever notice how dog people don't share the same sentiment?
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Aug 1, 2011 01:59
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Fluffy Bunnies posted:It pretty much depends on your own personal chemistry. BC fucks me over no matter what I'm on, though. I don't think surgical sterilization helps with periods if that's what you're suggesting. They don't remove the ovaries so the hormonal cycle still goes on as normal, menstruation is not usually affected (in rare cases it can get WORSE). Ovary removal is a really bad idea in most cases outside of stuff like cancer since a lack of Estrogen is so strongly related to osteoperosis as well as a bunch of other serious issues. I guess you could have a hysterectomy without ovary removal, but that itself has a lot of risks
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Aug 1, 2011 02:03
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Oh, I could get plenty crazy with respect to my dog.
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Aug 1, 2011 02:23
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leidend posted:I wouldn't say I hate children, but as a married 31 year old with the window quickly closing, all I need to do is spend some time where children congregate to remind me why I choose to have none. I always did think this was the very best ad. And while I'm not rabid about hating babies, I don't particularly like 'em either. I do get a kick out preteens & teens though.
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Aug 1, 2011 02:30
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I loving hate my children.
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Aug 1, 2011 04:42
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Sell 'em to gypsies.
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Aug 1, 2011 05:02
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Fatkraken posted:I don't think surgical sterilization helps with periods if that's what you're suggesting. They don't remove the ovaries so the hormonal cycle still goes on as normal, menstruation is not usually affected (in rare cases it can get WORSE). Ovary removal is a really bad idea in most cases outside of stuff like cancer since a lack of Estrogen is so strongly related to osteoperosis as well as a bunch of other serious issues. I guess you could have a hysterectomy without ovary removal, but that itself has a lot of risks Derail: They might be referring to endometrial ablation, which is removing or reducing the lining involved in periods. No lining, no monthly bleeding. It's not really surgical sterilization, although it can make you sterile. It may also not make you sterile, but then if you get pregnant there can very often be horrible complications such as placenta accerata, ectopic pregnancies, etc. (Basically there is no longer a proper lining for stuff to attach to). Someone with an ablation ought to use birth control just in case they didn't become sterile, because these are very nasty and even life-threatening. It's treated in a similar vein to sterilization by a lot of doctors though, because there's a good chance it actually will sterilize - and if it doesn't, getting pregnant becomes very difficult and dangerous.
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Aug 1, 2011 06:51
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Citizen Rat posted:Pretty sure this is sarcasm. But as an attorney that specializes in health law, I'd be pretty damned stressed if one of the doctors in my clinics said that s/he had sterilized anyone under the age of 35 without significant counseling. The potential for the patient to come back in a year or two and sue for some kind of malpractice is just too damned high. Clearly this US specific, but there are very few areas of medical malpractice where you are quite as guaranteed to win, especially if you get to a jury (particularly a Southern jury), as when a patient is suing over anything related to reproduction. I'm definitely ~~childfree~~ but I'd be stressed as hell if one of my doctors was all "welp, patient wanted it and after a 15 minute consult I just scheduled the op." Talk about making all of my liability warning alarms go off at once. I actually doubt that sarcasm was involvedat least, I sympathize with the sentiment. Legally, it's obvious why sterilizing everyone who asks can't be done in America. However, I think the stigma against sterilization here is excessive. As someone who has always been eager to give up the "right" to have children, I can't get too worked up about other peoples' reproductive rights. There are too many unwanted babies, and so many other ways to make a positive and lasting impact on the world. It's disturbing to me that people who legitimately do not want to reproduce are routinely pressured into risking pregnancy.
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Aug 1, 2011 07:43
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As a 30-year-old woman with little interest in having children, I really resent the implication that I'm incapable of making a committed choice about my own reproductive habits. But then I remember my best friend. She was a lot like the OP. We've been friends since we were 19,and for the majority of that time, she hated pregnancy, babies, and children with an intensity that bordered on the pathological. She would do an about-face and leave if she walked into a store or restaurant and spotted a baby or toddler. She looked as though she was in physical pain when she had to be near a small child. She would literally feel nauseous at the mere sight of a pregnant woman in Target. No, she never decided that she wanted to have a baby herself. But she fell in love with a divorced man with two children, a ten year old girl and a six-year-old autistic boy. She was very apprehensive about dating him because of this, but she quickly fell in love with those kids too, and though she sometimes finds weekends with them stressful, she adores them and is heavily involved in their upbringing and in autism advocacy. A few weeks ago she even posted angrily about someone who kept glaring at them when they were at the store and the boy was making too much noise. But really OP, if you want to remain childless and he doesn't, you can't automatically assume that either of your opinions will change. They might, but they might not, and by the time you realize they haven't, it might be ten years from now. That's massively unfair to either of you.
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Aug 1, 2011 08:01
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After being wishy-washy to me about the subject for the longest time due to feeling awkward about my strong views, the boyfriend (of 3 and a half years) revealed that listening to "Children" is important to him. This is a problem, because I cannot loving stand that Robert Miles song. I loathe it. I hated eurodance when it broke in the '90s and my parents decided it was the hip new thing. Having guilty musical pleasures is a basic human thing, and I understand that, but I cannot get into it. I recognize that other people may find it disgusting that I'm so turned off by the very idea, so recently I purposely have tried to get acquainted with '90s music by talking to a friend who is a DJ, and reading about it online. But I just can't get over how sick to my stomach it makes me to even think of dancing to those awful 4/4 beats or listening to those synthesised piano loops. The more I try to expose myself to Robert Miles, the more repulsed I feel. Is something wrong with me? It would be easy for a stranger to mistakenly trace my hatred of "Children" back to my parents "trying to be hip", but this is in fact the opposite of how I feel. Firstly, I hated eurodance when I was still a child, way before my parents thought it was ever great. When I saw eurotrash in public, I felt sorry for them and was always thankful that I wasn't in a family like that. Then it actually happened to me and I felt cursed. When my mother announced she started liking 2 Unlimited and Dr Alban, I started crying, thinking there was some kind of mistake, and suggested the easy way out: grunge music. She started laughing at me. I was sad and confused. Secondly, since I spent my childhood as a kid who loved weird music like Tangerine Dream and Pink Floyd, the entire family's laser focus was on me. We also lived in a small town, so everyone was always "HOW ARE YOU DOING HO HO HO YOU'RE GETTING SO TALL HOW'S SCHOOL GOING KEEP LISTENING TO YOUR WEIRD MUSIC YOU FREAK". I was glad to have some attention taken away from me. The only good thing that came from my parents getting into Robert Miles, Toni Di Bart and other craptastic artists is that I got some alone time, Jesus. Also, I wanted to strangle everyone who assumed I also liked eurodance because I liked some 70s electronica, even though the rhythms and structure of say a Kraftwerk song owe to Krautrock and eurodance was totally loving born out of a meld of gay New York house and European new beat. I refused to listen to a note of 2 Brothers of the 4th Floor or Cappella for about four years. It was all the worse because I was one of the few hip teenagers in the region, and I hated when adults assumed I was a club chick. This really happened. I made so much effort to be good and this loving song "Children" ruined it all. In a small town environment where strangers recognized your face, appearance was important. (It is important to mention that my parents don't listen to that music anymore.) As a little kid I used to think tapping your foot to a beat was dumb, and dancing gross, and synthesised piano was gross, but that changed in order as I got older, of course. So, applying the same logic, I should be changing my mind about "Children" sometime soon. But I'm already 23, and I get sick thinking about an arpeggio just as much as I did when I was 12. Do you still think it's likely I'll change my mind? How did it happen for you? I plan on sticking with my boyfriend for as long as possible, but I don't want this almost irrational hatred to be a problem down the line. It's a pretty big difference in music taste. We're great everywhere else. One day my boyfriend's mother called us all to the computer to take a look at "this really cool photo". It was a picture of that smug one-hit wonder motherfucker Robert Miles. As we all peered at it, everyone else went wow so many good 90s memories, while I fell silent and fought the urge to leave the room. They all marveled at the miracle of "Children" while I recoiled as if it were a disturbing shock video. If I had a weaker stomach I would have vomited. That can't be a normal and good response. I'm mainly worried that if this feeling doesn't change, then I will be socially crippled for life. Sooner or later all the other ladies my age listen to eurodance, and I will have nothing to contribute to their happiness except a smile and nod. My personality and life, because you guys might see something that I don't: I do not have communication problems or any history of mental illness, and I have many friends who love and support me, and vice versa. My parents forced me to dress up as DJ Bobo as punishment for things like farting and smelling of patchouli. I never saw or touched cocks until I was 19 and felt like I deserved to do them. Lastly, I adore anal. Beads, rimjobs, piercings, bleachings, fisting, unusual insertions, bugs, you name it, I love 'em. But Robert Miles... One day at lunch in 9th grade, I told my friends how much I hated "Children", and that I had a feeling I would hate other electronic dance music from Europe when I became older. They looked at me funny. "Really?" they said. After all, this was pretty much the music everyone my age listened to. But lo and behold, DJ Tisto is vermin to me now. I will probably also hate future trends when I'm in my 30's. tldr: I'm 23, and I've tried to introduce myself to the idea of eurodance and it's not working. Is it possible that there's something wrong with my musical taste, or whatever it is that makes you want to enjoy Magic Affair or Captain Hollywood Project? Or do I just need to keep waiting? I know for a fact there are others like me out there, but I've never met someone like that personally, which is why I feel so lost, so please tell me how you feel if you are one of those people. I have no one to talk bluntly about it with. It's not an urgent situation, but it's important nonetheless. I go back and forth between feeling angry and feeling sorry for myself, which you can probably see in this post's writing. Please help me. It can't be right for someone to hate a great pop classic like "Children."
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Aug 1, 2011 14:15
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^^^ Best postEmeraldFlashlight posted:Is there a big difference between different kinds of hormonal BC pills too? Or do all hormonal types affect you in pretty much the same kind of hell-on-earth ways? Generally the more sensitive you are to hormonal changes, the worse BC pills will gently caress with you. It affects almost everyone in certain ways but the PMS-gone-wrong psychosis and dramatic mood swings you hear about are from someone taking the wrong hormonal cocktail. I personally have extremely sensitive hormones, so any type of fuckery with my estrogen puts me into immediate Bitch Mode. It can also cause a bunch of other crappy side effects such as weight gain, drying you up worse than an 80 year old, and causing a big dip in your sex drive.
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Aug 1, 2011 14:31
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Did the OP ever clear up why people thought her little sister was actually the OP's daughter?
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Aug 1, 2011 14:47
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I understand not wanting to have kids, and the idea of the financial, physical and emotional burden not being attractive - frankly, I'm still on the fence myself on whether I want to have kids - but it's pretty weird to think children are gross, like some sort of repulsive larva. That's a really juvenile mindset. Where do you think you came from? They're just babies, which are easier to deal with than children frankly. Once they learn to walk and talk back to you, they can become little hellions. Babies just roll around and make noises. EDIT: Also children can't help what they are so it's pretty strangely bigoted to hate them for it. I'm not huge on kids myself - I have trouble talking to them, always have even when I was a kid myself - but I don't hate them for simply being what they are.
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Aug 1, 2011 15:17
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StrangersInTheNight posted:EDIT: Also children can't help what they are so it's pretty strangely bigoted to hate them for it. I'm not huge on kids myself - I have trouble talking to them, always have even when I was a kid myself - but I don't hate them for simply being what they are. Cats, dogs, squirrels, rats, spiders, snakes, everything in the ocean, can't help what they are, so it seems pretty strangely bigoted to hate them for it.
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Aug 1, 2011 16:05
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Fascinator posted:As a 30-year-old woman with little interest in having children, I really resent the implication that I'm incapable of making a committed choice about my own reproductive habits. But then I remember my best friend. A six year old and a ten year old aren't babies, and they aren't genetically hers. There's a huge difference there!
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Aug 1, 2011 16:21
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Iron Crowned posted:Cats, dogs, squirrels, rats, spiders, snakes, everything in the ocean, can't help what they are, so it seems pretty strangely bigoted to hate them for it. Well yes, this is why I don't hate snakes. I fear them, but I don't hate them. Also, children aren't venomous and they aren't vermin who have the possibility of carrying the plague. I get you were trying to be all clever and turn my words back on me, but your comparison of potentially lethal animals to children isn't really apt. It's still rather stupid to hate kids for having the gall to exist as children.
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Aug 1, 2011 16:57
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Iron Crowned posted:Cats, dogs, squirrels, rats, spiders, snakes, everything in the ocean, can't help what they are, so it seems pretty strangely bigoted to hate them for it. What exactly is your point? I mean I don't know if "bigoted" is really the right word but if someone really hated cats, dogs, squirrels, rats, spiders, or everything in the ocean the way that the OP hates kids, I'd probably think there was something a bit off with them too.
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Aug 1, 2011 17:09
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Maybe the OP hates being around kids, and seeing kids, and thinking about kids, but not like, the kids themselves? This is kind of my position. Would you enjoy hanging out with a really loud, filthy, overly friendly mentally-challenged man who screamed, poo poo his pants, and tried to touch you? I don't hate HIM, per se, but I sure hate being there. I also won't want to look at pictures of him. Or discuss him at length with others. I care about his rights and respect his humanity and so on, but I'm not going to enjoy his company just because he looks out at the world with wonder and innocence or whatever. There is kind of a child-centric culture in this country where everything revolves around children, and it's irritating. You're expected to want to spend time with children, and to want to look at pictures of children, and to discuss children with their overjoyed parents, and to want children, and to sacrifice everything for children, and to be happy when children laugh, and so on and so on, no matter how gross, loud, and smelly they happen to be. It's pretty easy to get resentful with that kind of pressure and say something like "I hate children" when really, it's that culture that you hate.
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Aug 1, 2011 17:29
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StrangersInTheNight posted:I understand not wanting to have kids, and the idea of the financial, physical and emotional burden not being attractive - frankly, I'm still on the fence myself on whether I want to have kids - but it's pretty weird to think children are gross, like some sort of repulsive larva. That's a really juvenile mindset. Where do you think you came from? They're just babies, which are easier to deal with than children frankly. Once they learn to walk and talk back to you, they can become little hellions. Babies just roll around and make noises. But children, or at least babies, are pretty gross. Babies are grenades filled with vomit and poop that go off at random. Children are crawling with all sorts of lurgis- headlice and threadworm and whatever virus is going round school at the moment, and they have sticky sticky fingers and wipe bogies on things. I have a friend who refuses point blank to be within a metre of a child for those above reasons, but he's also the kind of rear end in a top hat who's send you a dry cleaning bill if he came to your house and your dog jumped on him. Vulvarine posted:There is kind of a child-centric culture in this country where everything revolves around children, and it's irritating. You're expected to want to spend time with children, and to want to look at pictures of children, and to discuss children with their overjoyed parents, and to want children, and to sacrifice everything for children, and to be happy when children laugh, and so on and so on, no matter how gross, loud, and smelly they happen to be. It's pretty easy to get resentful with that kind of pressure and say something like "I hate children" when really, it's that culture that you hate. Yeah, I agree with this too. My coworkers all have photos of their grandchildren or children taped up around their desks. I got told off by my supervisor for trying to put up a photo of my best friend and I together (no, we weren't drunk or drinking or smoking or doing anything inappropriate in the photo). My next door neighbour also has a go at me if I have friends round and we're swearing in the garden because his kids might hear. When you're constantly being rammed by inconsiderate people with prams in cramped shops and so on it's quite easy to start disliking children (but I like kids, they're pretty funny and my neighbour's kid is sweet so I watch my language).
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Aug 1, 2011 18:02
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For parents, does the screeching/crying of babies get easier to handle over time? Every time I have to sit near a crying baby on an airplane or something, it feels like nails on a chalkboard.
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Aug 1, 2011 18:54
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E the Shaggy posted:For parents, does the screeching/crying of babies get easier to handle over time? Every time I have to sit near a crying baby on an airplane or something, it feels like nails on a chalkboard. That's because human beings are hardwired to pay attention to crying babies, even you. It's a distress signal of a the highest biological magnitude and impossible to ignore. This is why recordings of crying babies are often used in "soft" torture (you know, where you're not getting punched in the face, just put in a small room by yourself with really bright lights that are never turned off). Parents can probably deal with it because they have a certain level of control over it (at the very least, emotional control where you are responding one way or another to the distress signal), but I've never seen a parent be like doop-dee-doop-dee-doo when their baby is screaming their head off; they might have given up, but the sound is still very taxing.
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Aug 1, 2011 19:43
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Vulvarine posted:Parents can probably deal with it because they have a certain level of control over it (at the very least, emotional control where you are responding one way or another to the distress signal), but I've never seen a parent be like doop-dee-doop-dee-doo when their baby is screaming their head off; they might have given up, but the sound is still very taxing. Honestly the sound of your own baby crying is about five billion times worse than the sound of some other random baby crying. I don't even notice crying babies on airplanes/in public since having my own kids. Well, that's not totally true, when I hear other babies crying in public now I think "thank gently caress that's not my kid, those poor bastards are getting dirty looks from half a dozen people". Sure some assholes seem to give up when their kid is crying in public but most of the time I just see distraught out parents that are some combination of embarrassed and stressed. Not that this is a "woe is me, parenting is hard" post because I totally get how annoying it is to be trapped listening to some over tired kid that you don't know flipping out in public with a parent that looks like he/she gives less than zero of a poo poo about it, but man there are few things worse than doing everything you can to silence a screaming baby and having people give you dirty looks (or even worse, come up to you to tell you how you're making GBS threads up their day because your kid shouldn't have the right to be an unhappy kid in a public space). Anyway, that's a long way of saying that no, it doesn't get easier. It gets easier to tune out other children because thank gently caress they aren't yours and you don't have to find a way to keep them happy so as to avoid a public confrontation, but when your own infant/toddler is melting down it can be physically painful in a way that is really hard to explain. The panic can set in really quickly and lead to new parents feeling completely overwhelmed. The worst fights I've ever had with my husband have all happened around 3am with a screaming baby in the background because it triggers a really intense emotional response and sometimes you can't figure out how to get them to stop so it just goes on and on until you've got two sleep deprived parents bitching at each other over the stupidest stuff because the sound of crying is overwhelming the ability to act like a sane human being. Parenting is usually freaking awesome, but it really isn't for everyone. Oh and as a sidenote, being afraid of pregnancy is a pretty sane fear. As far as I know, it's still the number one killer of women worldwide. Pregnancy and birth can be loving traumatic. They can also be beautiful and positive experiences, but they are rarely easy or free of discomfort/emotional freakouts/any manor of unpleasantness. Sure some people love being pregnant but if I could have passed off the gestation of baby number two to my husband, I would have. When you're lucky, you just get the daily exhaustion. When you're unlucky pregnancy can be a nightmare. There are times I think I might like to have a third child but the daydreaming usually stops when I remember just how little fun I had during my last pregnancy. And I had it way way way easier than most people.
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Aug 1, 2011 20:12
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Vulvarine posted:but I've never seen a parent be like doop-dee-doop-dee-doo when their baby is screaming their head off; they might have given up, but the sound is still very taxing. I lived under these parents for a year; their baby would scream for hours and hours on end. When you can hear every footstep from the apartment above you, you catch on quick that either nobody is home or they are just allowing their baby to scream horribly for 6-8 hours at a time, every night. Is this biologically hardwired, too?
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Aug 1, 2011 20:22
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demozthenes posted:I lived under these parents for a year; their baby would scream for hours and hours on end. When you can hear every footstep from the apartment above you, you catch on quick that either nobody is home or they are just allowing their baby to scream horribly for 6-8 hours at a time, every night. Is this biologically hardwired, too? I was on an 8 hour flight from Atlanta to Manchester with people who did that. Kid didn't shut up the whole time and the parents just ignored it. The only time the kid was ever quiet was when the Flight Attendant talked to him.
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Aug 1, 2011 20:26
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demozthenes posted:I lived under these parents for a year; their baby would scream for hours and hours on end. When you can hear every footstep from the apartment above you, you catch on quick that either nobody is home or they are just allowing their baby to scream horribly for 6-8 hours at a time, every night. Is this biologically hardwired, too? There are also parents that smother their children to death. Some people just lose the genetic lottery. But yeah it's loving terrible to live near someone that does cry-it-out/ignores their baby for hours. Of course, the baby could have had colic and then there's pretty much nothing the parents can do. They could have been sitting there rocking the kid constantly or finally put the kid down after multiple hours of holding him. Colic is way nastier than most people realize until they are either living with it or living below someone that's dealing with it. So whether it was colic or lovely parenting, you have my sympathy. Ugh.
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Aug 1, 2011 20:26
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Hey another lady who hates kids here (almost 25). I've always felt this way, never played with baby dolls, cats and dogs are awesome, etc. I certainly respect children as feeling humans; when my close friend had a baby it got slightly easier. I smile at them if they're staring at me in the store/attempt to make conversation if forced, etc. Some kids are funny, they are alright. Not for me, though.  I'm chiming in to give my experience as someone with similar leanings to yours who accidentally got pregnant. I've been grossed out by pregnancy my whole life and always took precautions, to the point of developing kind of a phobia about it in high school ("Oh poo poo I gave a boy a hand job must wash it with scalding water in case it somehow gets on something that touches my vag!"). It was scary, scary stuff and I would make myself sick on a monthly basis worrying I'd immaculately conceived somehow. I realize this is crazy; I grew out of it, just explaining my background of similar phobia. When I was 19-20 I met a charming olda-boy who became my boyfriend. He had "had a vasectomy" and was clean, so being trusting and totally in love I thought, perfect! Let's do it a lot! Turns out you should avoid dating a Prince of Lies (I have many stories about that twisted fucker), and you should always protect yourself fully. I have never lived through anything worse than the month in which I had to wait for the doctor who performed abortions to rotate back to my area (thanks anti-choice shitlords!). Along with all the fun pregnancy symptoms, I entered a fugue state of trauma/depression - almost failed all my classes, and I couldn't tell my family which wedged open the growing rift between us that I am still repairing. I will never regret/feel guilty about aborting, without that option I would have probably killed myself. To keep this short, it took me a few years to recover and really feel like myself again. If anything, the experience solidified my awareness that children are not for me. The trauma was caused by the horror of being pregnant when I didn't want to be. I don't meant to open the abortion can-o-worms (god please nobody start arguing about it) but I'm just trying to pass on the advice to you, Ms. OP (or anyone else in the same situation), that it is not something to take any risks on if you know you have such an aversion. Nor is having a baby a decision you should compromise on, EVER, whether you want one or you don't, whether your mind will change "someday" or not. I feel like life has a million decisions and paths and there's no correct one, but try not to foul up anyone else's time as much as possible, whether it's your significant other or a newborn child. I loving loathe when anyone brings up "selfishness/childishness" in these debates. Procreation isn't a moral obligation or duty, and anything that says otherwise is parroting religious/patriotic echos of the desire to control. It is possible to sacrifice yourself and bring love and kindness to the world without birthing an undesired, resource-sucking person. Get thee to the Ask/Tell Birth Control thread! I love my IUD.
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Aug 1, 2011 20:52
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demozthenes posted:I lived under these parents for a year; their baby would scream for hours and hours on end. When you can hear every footstep from the apartment above you, you catch on quick that either nobody is home or they are just allowing their baby to scream horribly for 6-8 hours at a time, every night. Is this biologically hardwired, too? Like I said, they might not be responding to their kid crying, it doesn't mean that they're just having a grand ole time though (if they straight up leave, that's only proof that they want to be out of range of that noise). It's a sound that's nearly impossible to tune out, but how you react to it will vary; some people will run to comfort, some will sit and grit their teeth, some will get more and more depressed and tired while watching tv with blank eyes, and some will hit or shake or murder the child to get it to shut up. In other words, it cannot be background noise, it's automatically distracting. The parents with the crying baby on the plane that do nothing haven't tuned it out, they're just doing nothing because they think/know nothing they do will work anyway. I read in a parenting magazine once that even if you know nothing will get your kid to stop crying, you should show an attempt anyway so that surrounding people don't go out of their minds; its much easier to tolerate a screaming child when the parents are showing an effort, than a screaming child that is ignored (and you keep thinking, if only they'd do this or that or SOMETHING god please!)
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Aug 1, 2011 21:09
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That reminds me - my wife and I chose to move into an "adults only" condo. It's so peaceful here. There are about half a dozen young couples like us, and the rest are seniors. It hurts the resale value, but since detached houses start at $500,000 in our neck of the woods (and I hate yardwork more than children), we'll probably never move anyway.
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Aug 1, 2011 21:32
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hedonista posted:Hey another lady who hates kids here (almost 25). I've always felt this way, never played with baby dolls,
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Aug 1, 2011 21:37
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opie posted:Seriously what the hell does playing with baby dolls as a child have to do with hating kids. I know a lot of men who never played with baby dolls and they don't hate babies or young kids. I like to think that people can mature beyond their interests or lack thereof at age 6 or 7. Uh, tons of little girls have that whole "mommy" roleplaying deal going on, and I think she was just trying to really hammer home the fact that she has never wanted kids. You seem to be taking it very personally, though, for some bizarre reason. I have no idea how you got that she was implying that not playing with dolls equals hating kids. I think it was more implying that hating kids causes you to not play with dolls.
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Aug 1, 2011 21:56
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opie posted:Seriously what the hell does playing with baby dolls as a child have to do with hating kids. I know a lot of men who never played with baby dolls and they don't hate babies or young kids. I like to think that people can mature beyond their interests or lack thereof at age 6 or 7. Baby dolls are for simulated motherhood. It is a "normal" thing for little girls to do, and is usually pushed on them pretty heavily by advertisements/parents/etc. It's just a reiteration of what other girls have said in this thread, and is just a piece of evidence that points to never having been interested in having a human babychilde of mine very own. I wouldn't give it too much weight or worry, keep liking to think what you think.
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Aug 1, 2011 21:58
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Playing with baby dolls is something, in theory, society pushes on girls to train them for future endeavors with having babies themselves. You see little boys being pushed to play with cars, trucks, army men, etc, not the Easy Bake Oven. I remember the one guy I slept with to 'be sure I wasn't 100% lesbian how can I be for sure unless I try a penis' and I was loving paranoid about getting pregnant from the one time. He wore a condom, I was on birth control, but I was still freaked out. I had no idea what I would do if I conceived at the time; I had no clue if there was a Planned Parenthood around or if I'd have to loving call private doctors to arrange something. A friend of mine is also a lesbian and she and her wife decided to have kids. L was utterly stone cold serious on not being the biological mom; her own mom reminded her constantly that the only reason L had a sibling was for L's benefit, and childbirth and pregnancy and all the pain from raising that sibling was L's fault. L's wife was far more open and wanted to carry the baby, and years later they did both tell me that during the pregnancy and right after birth, L was creeped out still. She'd change diapers and so on, but she hated feeling the baby kick, or try to hold the baby for long. When the baby actually started growing, L was much more relaxed around her, and things are great now, but for a good few months L was definitely not wanting the kid around. I well imagine a lot of parents do regret having kids for whatever reason, but they don't talk about it.
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Aug 1, 2011 22:00
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Pancakes McGee posted:A six year old and a ten year old aren't babies, and they aren't genetically hers. There's a huge difference there! Should have clarified, they're that age now and were 18mos and five when she started seeing him. Of course they aren't genetically hers, but I think that going from "the mere sight of babies and small children sickens me" to "I spend 6 months of the year living with young children and love it" is pretty impressive. Of course, the OP may not feel that way and it's unfair to her boyfriend to continue in a long-term relationship under those circumstances.
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Aug 1, 2011 22:08
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malefactor posted:Life is not easy, you have to work a lot of the time and do loads of bullshit you don't want to do. I can understand not wanting kids (its a big commitment), but never having kids just because babies are inconvenient strikes me as one of the more childish reasons. No it's a perfectly valid reason. In fact, people shouldn't even have to have a "correct" reason not to want kids. Not wanting kids is reason enough. I and nobody else should have to justify our decision just because you think it's childish. I don't want children because I don't want the physical pains dealing with childbirth (I would definitely consider adoption though). I think it's inconvenient. I think it's painful and I'm not willing to give up everything I've worked for to tend to a child. Am I superficial and childish? Probably to you. But in the end all that matters is what I want because it will be my body bearing that child and raising it. And if I don't want kids, I don't want kids. End of discussion. You don't get to decide how valid my reason is, because ultimately childbirth and kids are a 100% personal decision.
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Aug 1, 2011 22:20
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Fascinator posted:Should have clarified, they're that age now and were 18mos and five when she started seeing him. Of course they aren't genetically hers, but I think that going from "the mere sight of babies and small children sickens me" to "I spend 6 months of the year living with young children and love it" is pretty impressive. Of course, the OP may not feel that way and it's unfair to her boyfriend to continue in a long-term relationship under those circumstances. True, but your friend also didn't undergo pregnancy and childbirth for either kid either.
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Aug 1, 2011 22:43
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