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Epicenter
Dec 17, 2003

by Y Kant Ozma Post


I consider myself very knowledgeable in most aspects of computers. Typically, when I encounter an error message, I am able to determine, for the most part, what the error means and how to go about correcting the fault that caused it. But now and again, an error will appear that simply defies all logic or explanation. A message so cryptic, no information can be derived from it.

So, this is a place to share errors that left us positively awestruck. Maybe together, we can discern some semblance of meaning from these tidbits of unadulterated insanity.

My first contribution is a recent issue encountered whilst installing Adobe Flash on a netbook. As the installation reached approximately its 25% mark, I was greeted with the following bit of wisdom:

"ERROR: Catastrophic failure."

Clicking OK instantly terminated the installer.

After some deduction I determined the disk the TEMP folders were located was full. Simple enough.

Then at work today (at a small store), I was using the handheld inventory/ordering machine, which runs some configuration of WinCE. Normally, this thing spits out perfectly logical messages, but this one... well, I just don't know what to make of it. I did solve the problem, but that did nothing to explain what the problem WAS. Behold:

"ERROR: A device is a life. Exchange, please."

EDIT: And before I forget... "The application Unknown has encountered an error of type Unknown in module Unknown."

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ColdPie
Jun 9, 2006



Epicenter posted:

My first contribution is a recent issue encountered whilst installing Adobe Flash on a netbook. As the installation reached approximately its 25% mark, I was greeted with the following bit of wisdom:

"ERROR: Catastrophic failure."

Clicking OK instantly terminated the installer.

Adobe couldn't program their way out of a wet paper bag with holes in all five sides. I'm surprised they bothered with an error dialog at all instead of just crashing out entirely. More fun.

MOLLUSC
Nov 30, 2005



The best error message is "ERROR: Keyboard not detected. Press F1 to continue"

Pvt. Public
Sep 9, 2004

I am become Death, the Destroyer of Worlds.

I've come across many over the years, but recently one of my users got an error in our time tracking software. This, in and of itself, isn't uncommon. The error, however, caught me a bit off-guard. Picture a typical Windows error dialog with the red circle with white X in it that says:

"Impossible happened."

I just... I just don't know, man.

I also once got an error in IE (I think) that read something like China 2504 Ireland 6. Also no clue there and I've never seen it since.

Epicenter
Dec 17, 2003

by Y Kant Ozma Post


Pvt. Public posted:

I also once got an error in IE (I think) that read something like China 2504 Ireland 6. Also no clue there and I've never seen it since.

That sounds like some kind of insane soccer joke.

Epicurus
Jan 18, 2008
I hope I can change my title later on...

One from engrish.com that I've always enjoyed:

"Scanner something error happen"

GROVER CURES HOUSE
Aug 26, 2007

Go on...




Also GHC will throw the "impossible happened" error on occasion, but at least it then dumps the raw info in the console too.

Pvt. Public
Sep 9, 2004

I am become Death, the Destroyer of Worlds.

Epicenter posted:

That sounds like some kind of insane soccer joke.

I was thinking maybe a Civilization-style Economic power joke.

Broken Knees Club posted:

Also GHC will throw the "impossible happened" error on occasion, but at least it then dumps the raw info in the console too.

Yeah this shithouse software just gives you that dialog then manages to somehow lock up the SQL instance running the database behind it. The whole server, not just the one database. I have never been able to determine WTF it is doing. And the software window open on the local machine won't shut down cleanly. You have to kill the process with kill.exe because Task Manager will swear it can't close the process.

Here's the error dialog:

Pvt. Public fucked around with this message at Jul 31, 2011 around 17:53

jm3000
Jan 19, 2004

I've made a huge mistake.

There's always this one:

Best seen on local cable tv channels that were powered by an Amiga.

you ate my cat
Jul 1, 2007



I used to see "Unable to drill on the field as the graph is out of sync with the cockpit" in metrics software I used at an old job.

Wee Tinkle Wand
Sep 28, 2004

I'M GETTING FUCKED UP THE ASS OVER HERE


Not exactly an error message...

A few times in various programs I'll get the old "press any key to continue" except only specific keys work. Usually spacebar and enter. So it's not ANY key then is it?!

Once I had that in a program and no keys worked. Must have tried half the keys on the keyboard and couldn't get it to do a drat thing. Turned out that the "press any key to continue" was an invisible button you have to click.

zapateria
Feb 16, 2003


An Error Has Occured
Error Message: An Error Has Occured.
Description: An unxpected error occured.
Details: There was an unexpected error.
Click here for more details (leads to web page with "An unexpected error occured. Search for more unexpected errors here.)

And as the icing on the cake, they usually follow up with "was this helpful?" comment boxes.

Scikar
Nov 20, 2005

5? Seriously?


Our ticketing system absolutely cannot cope with resuming from suspend. When it comes back up it will look like it's working, but the email and ticket lists don't actually update. When you try to open one the program will completely freeze for 5 minutes, then display a completely blank error box. Clicking through that and the 3 that follow finally yields a message: Out of memory.

thiscommercialsucks
Jun 13, 2009

by T. Mascis


I was talking to my EE cousin recently and he knows some people who used to program cell phone software. I don't mean iPhone apps, I mean the embedded poo poo in older phones. Anyway when it was getting close to shipping time and they had to finish their code quickly, or whatever, they would just say gently caress it and throw any remaining unhandled errors to the "Carrier Lost Signal" exception handler

Wells
Sep 21, 2008

THIS IS A BIZ!!!


I'm not confused as to what this error is telling me, but it definitely left me particularly shocked as it was as unexpected as it was abrupt:

Wells fucked around with this message at Jul 31, 2011 around 21:25

benitocereno
Apr 14, 2005
I don't know about you, but I can't wait for Banana Thursdays!!

Someone posted this on the forums a few weeks ago and I thought it was hilarious; I've decided whenever my new winforms app throws an error I'm just going to display it instead of a relevant error message:



All real error messages will appear in boringerrors.log

The Wizard of Poz
Apr 5, 2007


The poster formerly known as Gnack, now Gnack 2.0

benitocereno posted:

Someone posted this on the forums a few weeks ago and I thought it was hilarious; I've decided whenever my new winforms app throws an error I'm just going to display it instead of a relevant error message:



All real error messages will appear in boringerrors.log

That's cutting edge, man.

vomit-orchestra
Aug 6, 2008

Don't be ridiculous. We're flamingos. And good ones.


Probably my favourite that I've gotten

Claven666
Jun 27, 2010


Never mind.

Claven666
Jun 27, 2010


Wells posted:

I'm not confused as to what this error is telling me, but it definitely left me particularly shocked as it was as unexpected as it was abrupt:



I've had Daggerfall shoot this one at me before. Yeah, I'm not surprised either.

~Coxy
Dec 9, 2003

R.I.P. Inter-OS Sass - b.2000AD d.2003AD

Pasting data into excel that would make the worksheet more than 65535 rows tall gives a completely unhelpful error message:



Even in 2007 this is the case. Excel really is complete rubbish.

Sedes
Jun 7, 2007


One of the good ones i've seen is this, with a backstory though:

Danish client to a Polish coding (corporation) company:

Hello, we're receiving this weird error message while yadda yadda, we've failed to find it informative enough. Can You please have a look?

screencap.jpg => Error:DUPA.

Dupa is Polish for 'arse'

48 Hour Boner
May 26, 2005

I think something's wrong with this thing

I like this one.

Fruit Smoothies
Mar 28, 2004

The bat with a ZING

48 Hour Boner posted:

I like this one.



This is definitely one of my favorites.

PUBLIC TOILET
Jun 13, 2009



The best one I remember was a friend running Windows 98 SE and he crashed with a BSOD on the screen. In the BSOD, it stated there was an "Applicasion error" and not "Application error". Nice spelling error, Microsoft.

The Gunslinger
Jul 24, 2004

Do not forget the face of your father.

vomit-orchestra posted:

Probably my favourite that I've gotten


It's either Engrish or cleverly Canadian.

Ratmtattat
Mar 10, 2004
the hairdryer

Encountered an error with Adobe Reader X that said "Before proceeding you must first launch Adobe Acrobat and accept the End User License Agreement." Problem is that the EULA has already been accepted. Turns out the problem is with files that have the letters "CR" together in the name. Makes perfect sense.

mono
Jul 18, 2003

It's toe-tapping-ly tragic!


I like the "Do not show me this message again" checkbox that you get when uninstalling some programs.

Agreed
Dec 30, 2003

The price of meat has just gone up, and your old lady has just gone down


I remember some game used to pop one that said "You should not be seeing this" every once in awhile.

John
May 9, 2003

mmmm... Apple

Back in school I got this message when trying to do something in Oracle Designer. I have no clue what it was trying to do to the system registry and how I was supposed to do it myself.

less than three
Aug 9, 2007

Fire Sights and LED Lights

ESC 2010 Never Forget

Socket error 11003 - This is a non-recoverable error

MF_James
May 8, 2008


Pretty sure this speaks for itself

Shinobo
Dec 4, 2002


I have a piece of ancient hardware I got from a recycle center when I worked there in about 2003.

Inside, printed on the motherboard, is a message that says complete with punctuation "NO NOT, HERE"

The same message is given out as an error when you try to boot the machine, complete with an awesome R2-D2-esque BEEEEEUMMMMPPPPP sound.

thelightguy
Feb 6, 2007

Well there's your problem.


Not quite an error, but one of the lighting consoles I support has a connection on one of the boards labeled "Mythical Bus"

I've never seen any add-on that connects to it.

thelightguy fucked around with this message at Aug 29, 2011 around 04:07

thiscommercialsucks
Jun 13, 2009

by T. Mascis


MF_James posted:

Pretty sure this speaks for itself


haha what the hell is that from?

Sharkface
Apr 20, 2002


I just got this error before I saw this thread...

"The repl compiler has crashed spectacularly."

I've never been complimented on making a compiler crash lol. Thanks Scala!

Syano
Jul 13, 2005


thiscommercialsucks posted:

haha what the hell is that from?

Pretty simple actually. Someone just put the term 'gently caress you' in to the remote environment string in the user account properties. Still pretty funny.

Physical
Sep 26, 2007

by T. Finninho


Syano posted:

Pretty simple actually. Someone just put the term 'gently caress you' in to the remote environment string in the user account properties. Still pretty funny.

drat that's genius!

SavageMessiah
Jan 28, 2009

Emotionally drained and satisfied


I got one from vmware player once on trying to load a SCO vm:

Fatal Error: The printer is out of paper.

I have a screenshot of it floating around somewhere.

EDIT: I also recall a bizarre Oracle one involving flavors or something.
We see some straaange errors at my job.

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Longinus00
Dec 29, 2005
Ur-Quan

Error messages never have to be useful to the user. Be happy you get an error message at all rather than a segfault or something.

Just feel happy you don't have to deal with compiler error messages.

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