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fleshweasel
Aug 23, 2004

Weasels Ripped My Flesh


The "check online for solutions" button in Windows 7. I am wondering whether the check for solutions bullshit has ever solved a problem or even done anything.

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dwazegek
Feb 11, 2005

WE CAN USE THIS


fleshweasel posted:

The "check online for solutions" button in Windows 7. I am wondering whether the check for solutions bullshit has ever solved a problem or even done anything.

I got a Visual Studio (2008 or 2010) crash a while back, "check online for solutions" directed me to a page which perfectly described the steps I had taken before the crash, and gave me a hotfix that fixed the problem.

So, at the very least, it has helped one person one time.

piratepilates
Mar 28, 2004

So I will learn to live with it. Because I can live with it. I can live with it.


I think it once fixed one of my problems by reinstalling a driver for a gamepad.

Yaos
Feb 22, 2003

She is a cat of significant gravy.

It fixed my DVD drive. At random times it would refuse to spin the disc. At some point the action center popped up, it somehow knew the drive was not working correctly (nothing different in device manager) and offered to download and install a firmware update for the drive. This fixed the problem.

Weiz
Dec 12, 2003
Fishman is not just an understanding financial organisation.

love truncheon posted:

Error: There is no tasks that can be stopped. No tasks can be stopped because there are no tasks that are in progress or stopping. Stop tasks that are in progress or stopping. ()
That is some Mohammed Saeed al-Sahhaf level spindoctory right there.

chizad
Jul 9, 2001

'Cus we find ourselves in the same old mess
Singin' drunken lullabies

fleshweasel posted:

The "check online for solutions" button in Windows 7. I am wondering whether the check for solutions bullshit has ever solved a problem or even done anything.

95+% of the time, it does absolutely nothing when I click it. But I have had a few times where it's suggested a driver or application update which resolved the problem.

Moey
Oct 22, 2010



This seems all too normal.

FISHMANPET
Mar 3, 2007



chizad posted:

95+% of the time, it does absolutely nothing when I click it. But I have had a few times where it's suggested a driver or application update which resolved the problem.

Once it found a driver in a Dell computer that hadn't been included in the driver pack for that model, and gave me a direct download link for it. So I keep trying it, and it's only worked that one time.

hobb
Sep 20, 2001


Pretty much everytime I reboot my win 7 system a dark screen pops up saying "waiting for programs to close" or something similar, with what looks like a blank area for a list, it never populates then after a few seconds reboots like normal so I have no idea whats actually not shutting down properly.

pixaal
Jan 8, 2004

God I fucking love Diablo 3 gold, it even paid for this shitty title

hobb posted:

Pretty much everytime I reboot my win 7 system a dark screen pops up saying "waiting for programs to close" or something similar, with what looks like a blank area for a list, it never populates then after a few seconds reboots like normal so I have no idea whats actually not shutting down properly.

I would do a virus scan, I fixed my dad's friend's computer (for money). And this issue went away after a MSE scans and combofix. I have never seen this issue outside of this, and damned if I know what virus was causing it.

darnzen
Jun 25, 2005

I crap dark matter.
My favorite is the PHP white screen. No error, just... silence.

Followed by swearing and opening a terminal to check the apache error logs.

hobb
Sep 20, 2001


pixaal posted:

I would do a virus scan, I fixed my dad's friend's computer (for money). And this issue went away after a MSE scans and combofix. I have never seen this issue outside of this, and damned if I know what virus was causing it.

Huh well its possible I guess, I do regular MSE scans and nothings ever come up, but I can recheck.

Computer viking
May 30, 2011


darnzen posted:

My favorite is the PHP white screen. No error, just... silence.

Followed by swearing and opening a terminal to check the apache error logs.
You bastard, I had completely forgotten that particular misfeature. Set all forms of error logging to max, do some simple typo, and ... zero-length output. Yay.

Pilsner
Nov 23, 2002



From Borland Developer Studio, the worst IDE in history:



Also, anyone remember the error dialog boxes you'd sometimes get when Unreal crashed? It'd include the entire stacktrace and sometimes be like 1000 pixels tall.

Rhymenoserous
May 23, 2008

I got tired of seeing Louis' text here, so instead you get this duck. I put some of it in gold and this part would love some crackers.

~SMcD

PopeOnARope posted:

Let's not forget the Granddaddy of the error messages:

Lp0: Printer on fire

I also see plenty of fuckity ones when going to update Dell BIOSes without elevating the process. Usually something along the lines of "Warning, your privledge is not enough. Acquire more privledge and retry"

I just got this picture of some office lady primly nodding her head at the error message, putting on a Tiara then clicking "Retry"

GWBBQ
Jan 2, 2005



New favorite error message. Turns out it wasn't plugged in.

Only registered members can see post attachments!

El Goatherd
Jun 25, 2005

hate is art


MOLLUSC posted:

The best error message is "ERROR: Keyboard not detected. Press F1 to continue"

This was indeed a real thing. Here's a screenshot from 2004, when all JPGs were compressed to gently caress.

Tamba
Apr 5, 2010



I don't get why people are so confused by that message.

"Hey, your keyboard is broken or not plugged in (correctly). Plug it in or get a new one, then press F1."

Tamba fucked around with this message at Apr 5, 2012 around 19:59

pixaal
Jan 8, 2004

God I fucking love Diablo 3 gold, it even paid for this shitty title

Tamba posted:

I don't get why people are so confused by that message.

"Hey, your keyboard is broken or not plugged in (correctly). Plug it in or get a new one, then press F1."

Because what if you don't want to use a keyboard.

beanofan69
Mar 25, 2005


Thank you, Sonicwall.

angrytech
Jun 26, 2009


Tamba posted:

I don't get why people are so confused by that message.

"Hey, your keyboard is broken or not plugged in (correctly). Plug it in or get a new one, then press F1."

IIRC, PS/2 keyboards had to be detected at boot, so even if you plugged one in at this time, it would be too late. Or maybe that was the spec before PS/2?

computer parts
Nov 18, 2010

A homeless person was out on the street, looked up at me and said, "Draft Manziel." Just like that.

And that convinced me, that the Cleveland Browns' fans wanted Manziel.

angrytech posted:

IIRC, PS/2 keyboards had to be detected at boot, so even if you plugged one in at this time, it would be too late. Or maybe that was the spec before PS/2?

nope, PS/2's did that, which was fun to discover the first time I unplugged one on a (running) machine and then later needed it.

Scikar
Nov 20, 2005

5? Seriously?


pixaal posted:

Because what if you don't want to use a keyboard.

Then you change your BIOS settings to halt on all but keyboard. Since it was set to all it's assumed that you wanted to be notified if the keyboard wasn't plugged in, presumably so you could plug it in and restart straight away instead of waiting for your OS to start before realising.

Buff Skeleton
Oct 24, 2005



Pilsner posted:

Also, anyone remember the error dialog boxes you'd sometimes get when Unreal crashed? It'd include the entire stacktrace and sometimes be like 1000 pixels tall.

Hell yeah, I mod Unreal Tournament and yes, I get these crashes every so often. Sometimes it's an error message so big it barely even fits on my 1920x1080 screen. I know I have some good ones screenshotted at home; I'll have to see if I can find them!

feld
Feb 11, 2008

Out of nowhere its.....

Feldman



computer parts posted:

nope, PS/2's did that, which was fun to discover the first time I unplugged one on a (running) machine and then later needed it.

That seems to be a Windows thing, because I can hotplug PS/2 keyboards in Linux and FreeBSD.

I think this is breaking the spec, though...

Nintendo Kid
Aug 4, 2011

Trophy-ko says:
~death to capitalism~
;3


feld posted:

That seems to be a Windows thing, because I can hotplug PS/2 keyboards in Linux and FreeBSD.

I think this is breaking the spec, though...

It depends on your BIOS, and the PS/2 chipset in your computer, as well as on the OS. The most usual situation after about I want to say computers from 1998 or so, was that as long as you had the keyboard and mouse plugged in at boot, they could be unplugged once in the OS and plugged back in and still work. However, throughout all the time that PS/2 port mice/keyboards were around, the hardware on some computers had a high likelihood of shorting out the ports and sometimes the whole motherboard if you unplugged or replugged while the computer was on.

And then, on laptops, it was almost always fine to not connect the external keyboard or mouse until you were already in the OS, they'd be detected fine.

But yes, according to the specs, PS/2 keyboards and mice are never to be unplugged or plugged in except while the computer is off, and should only be detected once while the computer is running. Some setups stuck to that, others didn't.

IndustrialApe
Jul 15, 2001

Maar geen cent teveel hoor...


I also remember that some motherboards were picky about what ps/2 port you used for your mouse or keyboard and others that didn't give a poo poo.

Nintendo Kid
Aug 4, 2011

Trophy-ko says:
~death to capitalism~
;3


DreamingApe posted:

I also remember that some motherboards were picky about what ps/2 port you used for your mouse or keyboard and others that didn't give a poo poo.

Yes, particularly older ones. You see, the PS/2 keyboard connector was the same signaling and all as the PC AT connector, just with a different plug on it. The PS/2 mouse, however, was completely unrelated signaling and poo poo that just happened to share a plug design.

So with early designs, the keyboard plug would be wired right to something that only handled keyboard, and the mouse plug to one that only handled mouse. Later computers tended to have the handling for both on the same chip or have both ports go to both chips, in both cases allowing you to plug in either.

Midelne
Jun 19, 2002

I shouldn't trust the phones. They're full of gas.

There was some random program back in DOS when I was like nine years old that had an executable intended to allow you to run the program if you used a Hercules Graphics Card. We didn't have one of those, so I'd try to run it and it would spit out "I sense no Hercules within!"

Crowley
Mar 13, 2003


DreamingApe posted:

I also remember that some motherboards were picky about what ps/2 port you used for your mouse or keyboard and others that didn't give a poo poo.

I've never come across a motherboard that would accept a PS/2 device that wasn't plugged in at boot.

Nintendo Kid
Aug 4, 2011

Trophy-ko says:
~death to capitalism~
;3


Crowley posted:

I've never come across a motherboard that would accept a PS/2 device that wasn't plugged in at boot.

I had a Pentium 4 Dell from 2003 or so that would do it, and of course every laptop with a PS/2 port does it pretty much.

Buff Skeleton
Oct 24, 2005



I've seen much worse than these, but don't have any screenshotted

Also forgive the horrible Win2k color scheme; I had bad aesthetic taste in high school:





Those were fun errors. Unfortunately I'm a better scripter now and rarely gently caress up that hard, but it still cracks me up when the engine shits itself and throws an error box bigger than the window I was testing in. Sometimes though you get render occlude fault errors that are GIGANTIC and happen when too much is going on at once.

Progressive JPEG
Feb 19, 2003



These Haiku Error Messages were for a contest. A couple of my favs:

David J. Liszewski posted:

A file that big?
It might be very useful.
But now it is gone.

Francis Heaney posted:

Out of memory.
We wish to hold the whole sky,
But we never will.

xtal
Jan 9, 2011



Computer viking
May 30, 2011


beoba posted:

These Haiku Error Messages were for a contest. A couple of my favs:

Ha, reminds me of NetPositive.
(Has it been 12 years? Ouch.)

Harry Lime
Feb 27, 2008



Yesterday I got this incredibly useful error message.

tjl
Aug 6, 2005


Every single Adobe product on this computer that had anything to do with PDF crashed hard today. During the uninstall:

The correct answer was Yes.

Chuu
Sep 11, 2004



Harry Lime posted:

Yesterday I got this incredibly useful error message.



The best thing about error messages like this is that even if you understand what it is trying to tell you (STA = Single Threaded Apartment), there is gently caress all you can do about it unless you have access to the source code.

EMILY BLUNTS
Jan 1, 2005



I haven't encountered more than a dozen computers in 15 years of doing dumb poo poo with computers where I couldn't get a ps2 keyboard easily working live plugging it.

The mouse is another story.

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Crowley
Mar 13, 2003


Coffee Quack posted:

I haven't encountered more than a dozen computers in 15 years of doing dumb poo poo with computers where I couldn't get a ps2 keyboard easily working live plugging it.

The mouse is another story.

I must be remembering wrong then. We use new computers where I work.

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