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I'm wondering how we avoid being turned into a smear on the wall once the Soviets do anything.
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Jan 11, 2014 22:57
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we form a Mürsel-Molotov-Ribbentrop pact and ask Russia to do stuff for us too? I can imagine the protests outside the Kremlin: "No Vokda for Oil!"
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Jan 11, 2014 23:01
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I can confirm that Azerbaijan is actually ruled by Wiz's cat.
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Jan 11, 2014 23:07
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Hitler was just following Azerbaijan's orders. "All I wanted was peace. They kept making all of these demands... what have I become?"
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Jan 11, 2014 23:08
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The Axis alliance operates on a system of dibs. Fortunately for Azerbaijan, the Azerbaijani word for "dibs" is one syllable whereas the German word is five syllables long.
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Jan 11, 2014 23:11
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Tomn posted:The Axis alliance operates on a system of dibs. Fortunately for Azerbaijan, the Azerbaijani word for "dibs" is one syllable whereas the German word is five syllables long. Hitler's just lucky he conquered Denmark so fast the Azeris didn't have a chance to call Iceland and Greenland.
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Jan 11, 2014 23:12
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Tomn posted:The Axis alliance operates on a system of dibs. Fortunately for Azerbaijan, the Azerbaijani word for "dibs" is one syllable whereas the German word is five syllables long. We let them keep some in the spirit of fairness.
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Jan 11, 2014 23:14
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Staring at those army boxes reminds me why I've only played like an hour of HoI. So many boxes and not a single one makes sense.
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Jan 11, 2014 23:39
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You can turn the boxes into little mans if you want.
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Jan 12, 2014 00:31
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 Their Finest Azeri: Chapter 3 (Tungarossa) Finland is beaten back with the help of German and Romanian troops, and the Winter War is won.  With 1941 approaching, the Azerbaijani leadership decides that the Sovet Union cannot be given more time to arm. A plan of invasion is drawn up, nicknamed 'Operation Tungarossa', and war is declared.  Some confusion ensues as the Azeri leadership realize that they forgot to inform the rest of the Axis of their plans, and the Red Army surges forth across the undefended borders.  Baku is occupied, but as the Azeri government had already located to a bunker in Azerbaijani Slovenia, this does not affect the prosecution of war.  The US joins the Allies, bringing with them concerns of an attack on Germany's Western flank.  By mid-1941, the Soviet advance has been checked and Italian troops are making gains in the Baltic.  Germany, meanwhile, has launched a massive invasion of Arkhangelsk to catch the Soviets in the rear.  This two-pronged attack proves effective, and the Axis forces advance steadily on Moscow.   The Azerbaijani troops win the race for the Soviet capital, capturing Moscow by late 1942.  In a desperate attempt to relieve the Soviets, the Allies invade from the west. British forces land en masse in Norway, pushing hard against the Azerbaijani divisions defending Scandinavia.  The Americans, meanwhile, secure a beachhead in Brittany and begin the task of 'liberating' France.  Though succeeding in diverting some Axis forces away from the East, in the end the British and American actions are too little, too late.    
Wiz fucked around with this message at 00:52 on Jan 12, 2014 |
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Jan 12, 2014 00:38
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 Jesus tapdancing Christ, that's insane. WC incoming?
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Jan 12, 2014 00:40
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Yay, we got our Jews back.
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Jan 12, 2014 00:48
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We've become that kid who found the label gun and started writing their name on literally everything in sight.
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Jan 12, 2014 00:50
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HOI3: A Well-Balanced Game of Historical Counterfactuals
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Jan 12, 2014 00:54
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Paradox office multiplayer HOI3 must be the best thing ever.
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Jan 12, 2014 01:03
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See guys, Tunga was actually a great leader, just stuck in the wrong game.
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Jan 12, 2014 01:04
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Patter Song posted:Paradox office multiplayer HOI3 must be the best thing ever. I can imagine that wars occur like drafts, with a lottery to see who gets to pick which war goal first.
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Jan 12, 2014 01:05
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+ 
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Imagine Kaiserreich in this system. Belarusian Normandy? British Pommerania? Delhi-controlled Wales? The possibilities are endless and terrifying.
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Jan 12, 2014 01:07
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Trundel posted:I can imagine that wars occur like drafts, with a lottery to see who gets to pick which war goal first. Or Hitler, Stalin, or Churchill stubbornly refusing to fight a war that their lesser allies picked. "No, Italy, you can't have Yugoslavia. White peace." 
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Jan 12, 2014 01:09
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Wiz posted:Any member of the alliance can add war goals and the war goals will automatically be enforced when the country in question is sufficiently occupied. I can also start wars with anyone and the rest of the Axis is forced to join, so I can literally just point at someone and go 'want' and Hitler will do all the work for me. Isn't this partly a thing in HOI2 too? I mean not the want part but I remember starting games as Oman just to get the Allies at war with the USA in 1936
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Jan 12, 2014 01:21
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Dear gently caress, this is  I am going to be so sad when we can't steal the entirety of Russia in the actual HoI game.
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Jan 12, 2014 01:29
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RentACop posted:Isn't this partly a thing in HOI2 too? I mean not the want part but I remember starting games as Oman just to get the Allies at war with the USA in 1936 Allies being forced into war is, ridiculous war goal shenanigans are not.
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Jan 12, 2014 01:41
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Their Finest Azeri: Chapter 4 (Finale) (Wherein Fraps did not actually save any of the screenshots I took between late '43 and '45, so imagine a lot of fighting in France, Norway, India and England. Also an endless snake of Japanese and Chinese soldiers moving west across Siberia to join the European front.) December 22, 1945. After seven years of fighting, the British Empire swears allegiance to Azerbaijan.  Eurasia is now fully under Axis control. Only America as yet continues to resist Azeri rule, but it can only be a matter of time before they, too, must bend their knee to Baku.  Glory to Azerbaijan. 
Wiz fucked around with this message at 02:16 on Jan 12, 2014 |
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Jan 12, 2014 02:12
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Man and we thought it was bad when Azeris only made up a fourth of the population.
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Jan 12, 2014 02:16
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Wiz posted:Any member of the alliance can add war goals and the war goals will automatically be enforced when the country in question is sufficiently occupied. I can also start wars with anyone and the rest of the Axis is forced to join, so I can literally just point at someone and go 'want' and Hitler will do all the work for me. This is literally how the campaign for Greece went.
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Jan 12, 2014 02:19
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And I'd like to mark this beautiful moment with the DH scenario text for Burgundy.quote:Since uniting the French lands in the 1750’s, Burgundy has become one of the greatest military powers in Europe, and took a leading role in both the Revolutionary Wars and the Great War against the Republic of Russia. However, the country failed to catch up to the times and was decisively defeated in the German-Burgundian War of 1904. The German Army was smaller but better trained and had the technological advantage, and thus was able to achieve victory over Burgundy in only forty-two days, taking the Alsace border region. This humiliating defeat, compounded by a poor harvest and growing political dissatisfaction with the establishment, leads to the explosive Burgundian Revolution that lasted until the end of 1905. The constitutional monarchy was dissolved, the ruling de Bourgogne family were put on trial for crimes against the people, and a coalition of Socialists and Communists proclaimed the creation of the Worker’s Republic of Burgundy. Now, with a reformed People’s Army and rapid industrialisation, Burgundy and her allies in the International are poised to spread the Revolution abroad. Will Burgundy regain her former glory? Can the Worker’s nation withstand the blows of both the Legitima and the Axis? Or will the International realise their dream of a Socialist World Republic? crimea fucked around with this message at 02:23 on Jan 12, 2014 |
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Jan 12, 2014 02:20
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Dibujante posted:This is literally how the campaign for Greece went. Sort of. Italy invaded Greece from Albania and managed to gently caress it up so badly that they got pushed back across the Albanian border. Germany then bailed Italy out.
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Jan 12, 2014 02:20
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Pretty borders noooooo
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Jan 12, 2014 02:20
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Working DH map: RabidWeasel posted:Pretty borders noooooo
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Jan 12, 2014 03:15
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RabidWeasel posted:Pretty borders noooooo Pretty borders raus.
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Jan 12, 2014 03:17
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Wait, Hong Kong is Russian?
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Jan 12, 2014 03:44
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Who's Iceland?
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Jan 12, 2014 03:48
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Well, I was playing HOI3 wrong. Who knew? Thanks Wiz. I am still laughing from reading these.
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Jan 12, 2014 04:12
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my dad posted:Wait, Hong Kong is Russian? And more importantly, when did Bosnia regain Ragusa? This is an insult to Italian pride!
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Jan 12, 2014 04:24
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my dad posted:Wait, Hong Kong is Russian? Luhood posted:And more importantly, when did Bosnia regain Ragusa? This is an insult to Italian pride!  (Italian ministers still subject to change)
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Jan 12, 2014 04:59
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That reminds me, what is the basis for the V2 mechanic "if you get a revolution all your dominions gently caress off on their own"? I can't think of anything like that happening in history. French revolution, Russian revolution, Italian/German/Spanish/Portuguese fascist takeovers, they all kept their colonies (if they had any).
NihilCredo fucked around with this message at 05:08 on Jan 12, 2014 |
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Jan 12, 2014 05:06
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I'll give this to HoI3: I've never, ever, period, seen the USA pull off a semi-competent invasion of Western Europe. Ever.
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Jan 12, 2014 05:09
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NihilCredo posted:That reminds me, what is the basis for the V2 mechanic "if you get a revolution all your dominions gently caress off on their own"? I can't think of anything like that happening in history. French revolution, Russian revolution, Italian/German/Spanish/Portuguese fascist takeovers, they all kept their colonies (if they had any). That is kind of what happened in the Russian Revolution. The March on Rome wasn't a revolution in Victoria's terms, but I'll give you France and Spain.
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Jan 12, 2014 05:23
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Do paradox AI's ever do competent naval invasions? After a few games of V2 I learned to never ally/side with the UK because they will never land troops in Europe.
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Jan 12, 2014 05:23
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We're missing the most important question of all: Where's Jan Mayen?
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Jan 12, 2014 05:33
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