Islam is the Light: Azerbaijan Paradox Mega-LP

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Video Games > Let's Play! > Islam is the Light: Azerbaijan Paradox Mega-LP

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Cockblocktopus: Apr 18, 2009; Since the beginning of time, man has yearned to destroy the sun.

K0npeito posted:

I really wish this game would, y'know, inform me at a slightly higher level than the spammed up announcements window when I'm being besieged or get into naval battles. "Your Majesty, we have lost the battle of Morea!" "...there was a battle?!"

You can customize what shows messages in the announcements window and what gives you pop-ups. It'll take a while to go through everything, but it makes the game much more enjoyable.

edit: ^^ :argh:

# ¿ Aug 14, 2011 20:15

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# ¿ Apr 27, 2024 14:49

Cockblocktopus: Apr 18, 2009; Since the beginning of time, man has yearned to destroy the sun.

1) No.
2) Yes.
3) No.
4) No.
5) Yes.

Frionnel posted:

Maybe he sailed southeast into Australia

I think you're confusing Timur with the Mongolian invasion of Japan that got blown off-course onto Australia. :colbert:

# ¿ Aug 22, 2011 19:09

Cockblocktopus: Apr 18, 2009; Since the beginning of time, man has yearned to destroy the sun.

If Timur doesn't die on his first campaign, will he still be running around in 1399? Because we're in his path westward. :ohdear:

# ¿ Aug 22, 2011 20:20

Cockblocktopus: Apr 18, 2009; Since the beginning of time, man has yearned to destroy the sun.

Frionnel posted:

What if they met there and divided Australia in 2?

They'd both get beaten back by an exiled Sundiata Keita.

# ¿ Aug 22, 2011 21:18

Cockblocktopus: Apr 18, 2009; Since the beginning of time, man has yearned to destroy the sun.

With a usurper dynasty on the throne, I could see Espionage making some narrative sense. After a period of courtly intrigue, we're probably well-prepared to infiltrate our neighbors.

# ¿ Aug 25, 2011 17:19

Cockblocktopus: Apr 18, 2009; Since the beginning of time, man has yearned to destroy the sun.

Is the Golden Horde going to be a horde? Are we going to be humiliated into tribute once every decade?

# ¿ Sep 2, 2011 22:25

Cockblocktopus: Apr 18, 2009; Since the beginning of time, man has yearned to destroy the sun.

You could also edit the Middle Eastern nations into the western techgroup. Grenada's still probably going to get swallowed, but I would imagine this would at least stop Spain and Great Britain from conquering Anatolia.

# ¿ Sep 15, 2011 02:32

Cockblocktopus: Apr 18, 2009; Since the beginning of time, man has yearned to destroy the sun.

A. Administrative Monarchy!
A. Ecumenicism!

We're going to tolerate the gently caress out of everyone.

edit: The Batavian Order changed colors. Is there something to that?

Cockblocktopus fucked around with this message at 03:01 on Oct 6, 2011

# ¿ Oct 6, 2011 02:50

Cockblocktopus: Apr 18, 2009; Since the beginning of time, man has yearned to destroy the sun.

We decided to tolerate heathens and were rewarded with Georgia and Astrakhan. Who knows what Persuan fortunes await us if we first decide to tolerate heretics as well? :colbert:

# ¿ Oct 6, 2011 23:21

Cockblocktopus: Apr 18, 2009; Since the beginning of time, man has yearned to destroy the sun.

We could beat up Cherson. If the Russians want their warm-water port in Azov, they'd best remember who their best friends are. :black101:

# ¿ Oct 7, 2011 04:58

Cockblocktopus: Apr 18, 2009; Since the beginning of time, man has yearned to destroy the sun.

CestMoi posted:

Has Great Britain had a queen in this timeline? If they haven't it doesn't really make sense for there to be a colony called Virginia if there wasn't a virgin queen. Come to think of it isn't virgin French anyway? What's Catalan for virgin? WIZ I DEMAND YOU FIX THIS ATROCITY IMMEDIATELY.

It's named for Neckbeard III, the Virgin King. We try to forget those days. :awesome:

# ¿ Oct 8, 2011 14:48

Cockblocktopus: Apr 18, 2009; Since the beginning of time, man has yearned to destroy the sun.

Remove all colonists from the game and make colonization happen by event only. Problem solved. :colbert:

# ¿ Oct 8, 2011 15:53

Cockblocktopus: Apr 18, 2009; Since the beginning of time, man has yearned to destroy the sun.

theblastizard posted:

They already have access to the Black Sea at Azov.

We have that completely cut off by controlling entrance to the Sea of Azov, but Clausewitz doesn't really simulate geopolitics well enough for that to be as big of a deal as it was in real life. What's more important is that our Crimean provinces, when cored, will allow us to terrorize our rivals in Armenia with strategic naval landings throughout their territories!

# ¿ Oct 10, 2011 05:09

Cockblocktopus: Apr 18, 2009; Since the beginning of time, man has yearned to destroy the sun.

When Moscow falls, we shall be greeted as tolerators!

# ¿ Oct 12, 2011 03:59

Cockblocktopus: Apr 18, 2009; Since the beginning of time, man has yearned to destroy the sun.

If we dragged the Mughals into war with Persia (or anybody else, like the Armenian monster to our west), would that prevent the game from letting a personal union form should our king die in the middle of the war?

# ¿ Oct 26, 2011 00:36

Cockblocktopus: Apr 18, 2009; Since the beginning of time, man has yearned to destroy the sun.

I'd assume there's no reason we couldn't switch to a Noble Republic/elective monarchy only for some dick of a king to switch it back when he decides his son really deserves to be the next king.

# ¿ Oct 26, 2011 07:16

Cockblocktopus: Apr 18, 2009; Since the beginning of time, man has yearned to destroy the sun.

vyelkin posted:

I think all of Europe should just be 'Christian' with no smaller denominations and the Papacy should be a faction system between Catholics and Orthodox, with Protestant and Anglican (because why not?) added around 1500 or so. Because it makes absolutely no sense and will induce a ton of rage.

Have all of Europe as "Christian," but make the Papal factions Rome, Avignon, and Constantinople.

Also, take the Byzantine modifiers from Death & Taxes and give them to the Ottomans instead. Start the HRE as one country with cores for the individual states, but subject them to tribal succession crises. England and France start as one country (because the English king was the rightful King of France, duh) with France covered in rebels. And make all the Scandinavian countries hordes because they're really just roaming Viking raiders.

# ¿ Nov 16, 2011 16:07

Cockblocktopus: Apr 18, 2009; Since the beginning of time, man has yearned to destroy the sun.

If Germany or Prussia form, they should form as a horde because (1) Huns and (2) they should always be at war with all their neighbors. If nothing else, Germany should always have CB's on France and Poland.

Italy needs pizza events. Lots and lots of pizza events. And rulers named Mario and Luigi.

Austria can form Austria-Hungary by getting cores on Hungary. And gains centralization in the process.

Ireland needs to have potato famines every 10 years as well.

# ¿ Nov 17, 2011 03:41

Cockblocktopus: Apr 18, 2009; Since the beginning of time, man has yearned to destroy the sun.

A sexy submarine posted:

The byzantines should get +50% manpower, -50% regiment cost, +100% land force limit
and +50% tax when at war with the Ottomans and 1 yearly prestige when at war with Castille.

Also, they should get a decision to become the Roman empire, which gives land +10, quality +10, innovative +3 and centralised +2. They would then get their own government type that gives Imperialism CB, universal holy war, revolt risk -3, stability cost +25%, yearly magistrates +0.25, morale of armies +0.5, and morale of navies -0.5.

No no no, these bonuses need to go to the Ottoman Empire in this mod. Hey Byzantines, if you were so great, why are you all dead? :colbert:

More thoughts:
* Eliminate the Papacy form of government; make the Papal States a republic (because they elect their leaders for life, you see).
* Disable ocean-faring ships in the Western techgroup (or its replacement) until 1492/3, when Hispaniola appears to Spanish countries by event. They thought the world was flat, you see; no need to go questing.
* Everybody gets a free Is Poland CB against Poland.
* Teutonic Order starts with a core on Jerusalem (crusaders!).
* Every Balkan province gets its own culture group.
* Scandinavian countries get cores on Newfoundland (can you put cores on unsettled provinces?).
* France gets escargot and frog leg events.
* Forming the Holy Roman Empire can only happen if BYZ doesn't exist. Because it actually switches your tag to BYZ.
* Alternatively, put the Holy Roman Empire in Constantinople at the start of the game and make the existing HRE system end in the formation of the Byzantine Empire. Whoops, got our Romes confused. :downs:

If nothing else comes of this derail, I hope the best suggestions get immortalized when the LP gets archived.

# ¿ Nov 17, 2011 08:53

Cockblocktopus: Apr 18, 2009; Since the beginning of time, man has yearned to destroy the sun.

The Crucible: One of your advisors gets accused of being a wizard/witch. Choose to execute them (advisor dies) or to keep them (legitimacy goes down, -1 stability). This event keeps firing through 1821.

It's the End of the World as We Know It: Biblical experts declare that the end of the world is coming. Either have your king give his money away to the poor and start a pilgrimage to Jerusalem (-500 ducats, ruler removed, +prestige) or choose "I Feel Fine" to do nothing but lose legitimacy (and maybe stability). About a year later a second event fires ("Whoops!") that gives the first choice -prestige but restores the lost legitimacy and stability from the second choice.

Crusader Kings: An event that randomly happens (again, up to 1821) that gives all Catholic nations the choice between declaring war a random Islamic nation (+papal influence, +legitimacy, -ducats/manpower) or declining (+revolt risk, -legitimacy, -papal influence).

Basically, there should be a lot of penalty events for playing as a Catholic nation. That, or all Christian religions should be removed from the game and replaced by the true single faith of Europe: Freemasons. :tinfoil:

# ¿ Nov 17, 2011 17:45

Cockblocktopus: Apr 18, 2009; Since the beginning of time, man has yearned to destroy the sun.

I threw a map gif together while re-reading the highlights of this lp:

# ¿ Nov 23, 2011 06:30

Cockblocktopus: Apr 18, 2009; Since the beginning of time, man has yearned to destroy the sun.

Tulip posted:

At least for the change to brown. Then union with Algiers?

The colors in that frame are a little different (Mali is RGB 200/202/85, Algiers is 220/202/96), so I think they were different countries at the time.

sniper4625 posted:

This is cool and you are a cool dude.

Any chance you could throw some dates on there?

I'll clean up the colors (like the above-mentioned Mali) tomorrow. The first two maps have countries labeled, so I'll try and clean those up and put them in the front of the animation as well (unless Wiz has unlabeled versions of the 1400 and 1415 maps lying around).

Personally, I think it's the most interesting how most of our neighbors (Armenia, Syria, and Muscovy/Russia) have all blobbed into fairly powerful states while Persia hasn't really changed that much since the first map.

edit: For hilarity's sake, here's the Benny Hill version:

Russia

Also, the colonial borders are ridiculously beautiful in this. I know it's been said, but it really bears repeating.

edit 2: Also, I just noticed that the Balkans are one of the most stable regions of the world. The Byzantine succession drama was pretty much confined to Anatolia, while Bulgaria and Thessalonica have managed to keep the peninsula pretty calm. :iiam:

Cockblocktopus fucked around with this message at 08:11 on Nov 23, 2011

# ¿ Nov 23, 2011 07:51

Cockblocktopus: Apr 18, 2009; Since the beginning of time, man has yearned to destroy the sun.

The gif also starts around 1420. As a reminder, this is the original map minus Wiz's tweaked Japan (1400; in glorious .jpg form :barf:

This is the current map (1620):

The big unifications so far have been Muscovy->Russia, England->Great Britain, Aragon->Espana, and Nicaea->Byzantium->Armenia's bitch.

edit: Also somebody (I think Rajpunta) became the Mughals, who briefly led us in a Personal Union that almost caused our undoing. MUGHALS! :argh:

Cockblocktopus fucked around with this message at 18:51 on Nov 23, 2011

# ¿ Nov 23, 2011 18:49

Cockblocktopus: Apr 18, 2009; Since the beginning of time, man has yearned to destroy the sun.

We need strong military leaders! There's no way this will turn us into some sort of military junta in the long run or anything.

Hey, you guys didn't want to be Nazi Germany. Nobody said they had a problem being Myanmar.

# ¿ Dec 5, 2011 10:57

Cockblocktopus: Apr 18, 2009; Since the beginning of time, man has yearned to destroy the sun.

The Saurus posted:

Actually, the king of the Kievan Rus had representatives from the Catholic, Orthodox and Muslim hierarchy to decide what religion to choose, and he refused Islam on the basis that his people would never agree to give up alcohol.

This is actually one of my favorite stories from Russian history, so if you'll indulge my quoting the Russian Primary Chronicle a little:

quote:

Vladimir [the Grand Prince of Kiev] was visited by Bulgarians of Mohammedan [Islamic] faith, who said, "Though you are a wise and prudent prince, you have no religion. Adopt our faith, and revere Mohammed." Vladimir inquired what was the nature of their religion. They replied that they believed in God, and that Mohammed instructed them to practice circumcision, to eat no pork, to drink no wine, and, after death, promised them complete fulfillment of their carnal desires. "Mohammed," they asserted, "will give each man seventy fair women. He may choose one fair one, and upon that woman will Mohammed confer the charms of them all, and she shall be his wife. Mohammed promises that one may then satisfy every desire, but whoever is poor in this world will be no different in the next." They also spoke other false things which out of modesty may not be written down. Vladimir listened to them for he was fond of women and indulgence, regarding which he heard with pleasure. But circumcision and abstinence from pork and wine were disagreeable to him. "Drinking," said he, "is the joy of the Russes. We cannot exist without that pleasure."

Then came the Germans, asserting that they were come as emissaries of the Pope. They added, "Thus say the Pope: 'Your country is like our country, but your faith is not as ours. For our faith is the light. We worship God, who has made heaven and earth, the stars, the moon, and every creature, while your gods are only wood.'" Vladimir inquired what their teaching was. They replied, "Fasting according to one's strength. But whatever one eats or drinks is all to the glory of God, as our teacher Paul has said." Then Vladimir answered, "Depart hence; our fathers accepted no such principle."

The Jewish Khazars heard of these missions, and came themselves saying, "We have learned that Bulgars and Christians came hither to instruct you in their faiths. The Christians believe in him whom we crucified, but we believe in the one God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob." Then Vladimir inquired what their religion was. They replied that its tenets included circumcision, not eating pork or hare, and observing the Sabbath. The Prince then asked where their native land was, and they replied that it was in Jerusalem. When Vladimir inquired where that was, they made answer, "God was angry at our forefathers, and scattered us among the gentiles on account of our sins. Our land was then given to the Christians." The Prince then demanded, "How can you hope to teach others while you yourselves are cast out and scattered abroad by the hand of God? If God loved you and your faith, you would not be thus dispersed in foreign lands. Do you expect us to accept that fate also?" . . .

The

against the Khazars is my favorite part, personally.

# ¿ Dec 10, 2011 06:42

Cockblocktopus: Apr 18, 2009; Since the beginning of time, man has yearned to destroy the sun.

The next update is going to be Wiz declaring war on Armenia then deliberately wrecking Azerbaijan just to make all you jerks happy. :colbert:

Instead we should focus on our Allah-ordained destiny: colonizing New Guinea. :downs:

# ¿ Jan 6, 2012 22:14

Cockblocktopus: Apr 18, 2009; Since the beginning of time, man has yearned to destroy the sun.

Phlegmish posted:

We probably don't have the naval range to colonize anything, especially since Wiz hasn't been focusing on Naval Tech.

Our colonists couldn't hear your negative attitude; they don't speak Mughal. :smuggo:

# ¿ Jan 6, 2012 23:02

Cockblocktopus: Apr 18, 2009; Since the beginning of time, man has yearned to destroy the sun.

Kavak posted:

I see:

Backwards Azerbaijan > Glorious Revolution > Soviet Azerbaijan > Slowly Declining Azerbaijan > Balkanization (Caucasization?)

We're not going to be able to hold on to an empire like ours as the later centuries wear on. We'll splinter like Austria-Hungary did- if we're lucky, the Azeri core of our nation will be developed enough to stand as a First World country or equivalent.

It's worth pointing out that Austria looked like this in 1680:

Still a multi-ethnic state, but it doesn't become the clusterfuck of nationalities that was Austria-Hungary until it dips into the Balkans. If we annex Armenia then Azerbaijan-Armenia isn't out of the question, but if Austria-Hungary could hold it together until the 20th century, we should be able to make it relatively unscathed through Vicky 2 with what we have.

On a completely unrelated note, I updated a thing (it's in timg tags, so open it up to make it bigger):

# ¿ Jan 7, 2012 03:11

Cockblocktopus: Apr 18, 2009; Since the beginning of time, man has yearned to destroy the sun.

On the other hand, we're not exactly a poor nation. Maybe instead of building all these military buildings, we should be putting this money to use improving our relations with all of our (non-Armenian) neighbors. Perhaps an ounce of gold can save a gallon of Azeri blood.

On the other hand, notice that Russia's now touching the Islamic Chinese state. If we're going to try and break up Russia, we could try and build a grand coalition with Zhen, Persia, Poland, and the rump of Qurighar to shatter Russia into vassal states more open to our influence. Even Bulgaria and Sweden could prove a little helpful. Whether our future is in arms or in peace, I think we need to take advantage of our leader's high diplo skill and improve our reputation abroad.

Also, while I can't find a map of the world in 1660, this is supposedly Europe in 1660 (check out that embarrassment of an Azerbaijan):

This is our Europe:

# ¿ Jan 7, 2012 04:27

Cockblocktopus: Apr 18, 2009; Since the beginning of time, man has yearned to destroy the sun.

We need money to improve our diplomatic standing abroad and to make sure that our technology doesn't fall behind that of our Russian neighbors while staying ahead of the other Islamic states!

# ¿ Jan 7, 2012 16:45

Cockblocktopus: Apr 18, 2009; Since the beginning of time, man has yearned to destroy the sun.

Kainser posted:

There is a decision for Russia to build St. Petersburg, so yeah.

And when the hell is Russia going to re-annex Ingria? Russia granting limited independence to their only Baltic port and one of their two European warm water ports (I think they have Azow as well) is just absurd. I realize that the AI did it for administrative capacity reasons and that you can't make the AI take the strategic value of provinces in account when they are releasing vassals, but still.

They also let us block of Azow for a couple hundred years before we started going to war. I guess this Russia just doesn't care about warm-water ports? :iiam:

# ¿ Jan 24, 2012 19:53

Cockblocktopus: Apr 18, 2009; Since the beginning of time, man has yearned to destroy the sun.

I feel like colonist success rate should be a lot lower and colonists should be more expensive, but should maybe have a modifier for nearby colonies (if such a thing can be done). The fact of the matter is that most colonies failed; it's ludicrous that "colonization failed" is the far less common message seen. Maybe growth rates should be tied to the commodity? Jamestown only really took off after tobacco happened, and you could argue that the increased population growth represents slave importation to cash crop plantations.

There should also probably be a bunch of -population events for colonies for disease epidemics, native raids, foreign privateers, food shortages, infighting, natural disasters... basically, being a colonist sucked.

Would making more of the Americas into unpassable white terrain work? How about just buffing the native tech group? (It's not like they'll take out any other nations besides natives before big bad Europe shows up.)

I know this "history as it happened" derail is past the point, but in-game the only way that the conquest of the Aztecs should work is if they have soaring war exhaustion and really high revolt risks when Cortes lands. Even then, the rebels helping Cortes isn't really something the game can model 100% accurately.

# ¿ Feb 20, 2012 07:36

Cockblocktopus: Apr 18, 2009; Since the beginning of time, man has yearned to destroy the sun.

Drink Cheerwine posted:

I play all other grand strategy games while wearing handcuffs to replicate the experience.

Kinky.

Is it possible to just remove white peaces altogether? I realize this could make phony wars go on for a stupid amount of time; maybe editing the history files with every update could help that?

Granted, it would make a perfect release of the mod for our consumption impossible, but at least the story would continue.

# ¿ Apr 18, 2012 20:00

Cockblocktopus: Apr 18, 2009; Since the beginning of time, man has yearned to destroy the sun.

Tulip posted:

P sure that are options at this point are "ricky" vs "LP is over." Even after a patch that made modding easier, Wiz has basically thrown up his hands and said "gently caress modding V2."

Time jump to HoI2/AoD/DH and carry on the LP; manually mod in maps of the world every so often during the Vicky 2 period and tell the story that way.

edit:
PRIDE
OF
NATIONS

Cockblocktopus fucked around with this message at 23:56 on Apr 19, 2012

# ¿ Apr 19, 2012 23:54

Cockblocktopus: Apr 18, 2009; Since the beginning of time, man has yearned to destroy the sun.

Convert it to CK, play through the game, then convert it back to EU3. Time is cyclical.

# ¿ May 24, 2012 17:45

Cockblocktopus: Apr 18, 2009; Since the beginning of time, man has yearned to destroy the sun.

Flavius Belisarius posted:

Good Ol' Bulgaria.

The Grand Old Bulgaria. :patriot:

# ¿ Aug 14, 2012 18:42

Cockblocktopus: Apr 18, 2009; Since the beginning of time, man has yearned to destroy the sun.

Has anyone gotten AzeriMod close to the end of EU3's timeline? If we're just killing time with AzeriChat, I'd love to see how the world turns out for other players. :allears:

# ¿ Aug 16, 2012 04:35

Cockblocktopus: Apr 18, 2009; Since the beginning of time, man has yearned to destroy the sun.

Kainser posted:

The problem for me personally is that if we end up playing as a Greek Orthodox dominated state ruled from Anatolia then I'd feel that we aren't really playing as Azerbaijan anymore and there wouldn't really be a point to the LP. Not that I think that will be an issue since Nationalism is a hell of a drug and Azerbaijan right now is in a worse position than A-H was. In Austria so were Germans a plurality and Christians a majority at least.

Personally, I'd love to see Azerbaijan enter a long period of decline in V2. Instead of dominating the world like every other Paradox LP, I think it would be kind of neat if Wiz used V2's mechanics to show political, economic, and ethnic unrest as our tiny empire falls apart. Without the vanilla V2's method of "rebels, everywhere," of course. Let's be the Sick Old Man of Azerbaijan. :allears:

Heck, the Azeri Civil War could be the American Civil War of this timeline, or a series of Anatolian Wars could replace the Balkan Wars.

# ¿ Aug 19, 2012 17:23

Cockblocktopus: Apr 18, 2009; Since the beginning of time, man has yearned to destroy the sun.

Somewhat tying into flagchat and Burgundychat, the red flag doesn't even become a socialist/communist symbol until the 1848 Paris commune. If the social unrest in Paris in 1848 (if any happens) is explicitly anti-Burgundian, I feel like the red flag could become a French symbol (as opposed to the tricolor) while the sky's the limit for communist flags' colors.

# ¿ Aug 19, 2012 21:03

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# ¿ Apr 27, 2024 14:49

Cockblocktopus: Apr 18, 2009; Since the beginning of time, man has yearned to destroy the sun.

Veloxyll posted:

oh god. I may have to start my own mega LP - Was Mann in Wizmod for EU3? I forget.

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Games > Let's Play! > Every Mann A King: Let's Play Europa Universalis 3!

# ¿ Aug 19, 2012 22:57

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Video Games > Let's Play! > Islam is the Light: Azerbaijan Paradox Mega-LP

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