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That drat Satyr posted:I decided to go for it with the GoFundMe to try to get the funds to hire a lawyer. I don't know if I'll hit the goal I need, but I overcompensated anyway to account for fees. That drat Satyr is raising funds to hire a lawyer to fight their very own (and much, much, much, oh god so much worse) Denise. Read about it around page 190. ORIGINAL TEXT FOLLOWS: Denise is a girl I grew up with. Denise is a very special creature that, along with her equally-as-hosed-up cousin Melissa, believe themselves to be reincarnated dragon/demon/princesses/godkillers/angels/succubi whose powers are dominion over "the carnal arts" as they call them. Both have never had a relationship, serious or otherwise, have never been kissed or touched in a romantic or sexual way, and at least one of the terrifying two does not know how to masturbate. I know this because I grew up alongside this trainwreck. For many years I tried to help her think in a way that did not involve her being married to Heero Yuy from Gundam Wing, and later Sephiroth from Final Fantasy 7, and then some time later, some guy from some animu yaoi sex game whose 'spirit' had 'possessed' a "dollfie" of hers. Or something. It's really hard to keep track of Denise's lore. I believe Melissa's husbands included Sesshomaru of Inu Yasha fame, Myotismon from Digimon, and some other characters I can't remember. I tried to teach her that her body odours and constant layer of grease were not simply 'an inherited trait' that was unavoidable, but rather an accumulation of poo poo that could be washed away and kept up upon. I tried to teach her that pop songs were not written for her by stars who were being 'possessed' by Heero Yuy. I tried to teach her to go out and talk to guys. I still remember the day she took me aside on the way to the cafeteria and when my ride into crazytown started. Background When I arrived wide-eyed and blinking into a new school in Grade Eight, I didn't know anybody. I was thirteen years old and altogether convinced that one day I would animate cartoons in Japan. I'd always been a bit of an awkward but friendly kid, and I was struggling in this new environment to meet friends. When I was sat next to a girl in Home Economics with a similar binder full of drawings, we hit it off instantly and became fast friends. Denise was a little bit awkward too, liked the same little-known cartoons I liked, played a lot of videogames too, and we came from similar troubled-home-life backgrounds. My parents split up when I was very young and my mother was a very angry person at the time who didn't know how to deal with her problems or what to take them out on. Denise's mother up and abandoned her and her father after a year of near continuous fighting. We had nobody else but each other, so no matter how weird what she was saying was, I stuck by her. We're Receiving a Distress Signal... A few months into the school year it was beginning to turn into winter. It was cold and daylight hours were shorter, and we were young teenagers with a lot of bad things going on at home. We didn't have anybody else but each other to talk to and often the subject broached boys. Neither of us had had a boyfriend and both of us were enduring screaming sex hormones and we just really really really wanted to touch some dudes okay and it was omg so frustrating that there were kids around us who were totally doing it and we weren't. Why weren't we good enough? It couldn't possibly be because with our powers combined we were Unapproachable Creepy Duo who hid in the corner and never talked to anybody else at all. It was actually because everybody else was a total moron. You know how it is. It all started with fourteen words.  I had barely said, "What?" before Denise had launched into a tirade about her multi-dimensional existence and how her real self lived in another world as Magnolia, a princess living in a castle in the sky. Apparently this entire world was an elaborate trap designed to destroy souls and Heero Yuy was her beloved who fought tirelessly to get her out of here and back to her world. Her world, and their seven children. "I know you believe in spirits and stuff," she said, having heard me mutter about some pagan thoughts once or twice. She knew I liked a particular character from an anime we both watched, and she said that I was simply another one of her kind who'd lost their memory. She said he was looking for me too and they were trying to help us escape. Denise looked so distraught. "I'm not crazy," she said. She was my only friend in the world and I had to help her. We hadn't hung out much outside of school hours but ever since she spilled her 'secret' to me she invited me over a lot. I patiently listened as she explained about her idyllic life in a castle in the sky with Heero and how much she wanted to be with him. She told me how she had waited a long time to bring this up with me because she wanted to make sure I wouldn't abandon her. Oh Please Tell Me Why... We Build Bullshit in the Sky When I was at her apartment and we were hanging out in her room, Denise liked to put on the radio and "sing." I can't describe the sounds she made as anything more than "singing" as I'm not sure exactly what it was. She would mumble words she half-remembered in wildly flat and off-key tones, and she'd strike this pose like she was this moonlit, delicate princess serenading the night about her lost love. In fact I'm pretty sure that's what she thought she was doing. She would tell me afterwards that the songs were written about her by Heero Yuy possessing someone. To my recollection, she thought that this exact mix of Ordinary World (Aurora featuring Naimee Coleman - Ordinary World) was one of those made by Heero for her. When she was listening to this song she would often move exactly as the woman does in the video complete with cheesy as gently caress slow-mo and weird "sexy" head tilts. She also thought this song was written for her. (Hero - Enrique Iglesias) "Castle in the Sky" was another one. Apparently it was about her life as Magnolia. In her floating castle sky home place.  I need to go to bed now. SO. Ask me about anything I've already written, or tell me which story to tell tomorrow! I've mainly just started at the beginning, and I was 13 in 2001, so that gives you an indication of how long ago these bits were. I have more. Much more. So much more. Still to come is Melissa, a whole other person that proves nuttiness is genetic! x. Magnolia is replaced by Parrier, who is a Demon. The worst demon ever. x. "Totally Real Possession" and 'No Uglynoodles, I'm Not a Lesbian' x. The Sex and Gender Talk x. Denise retcons Heero Yuy into Sephiroth from Final Fantasy 7. Astral babies ensue. x. The Birthday Incident. x. I Can't Help You, I'm Saving Up For My Dollfie I have many more stories from the annals, but I'll give you the choices of these for now as I'm sure someone will ask me for elaboration on stuff I've already gone through! //EDIT// 24.10.11 Denise is not affiliated in any way with Jen, Hojo, or any of the other "FF7 House" crew as documented on demonsushi.net, but I have had long chats with that site's webmaster and we have had many laughs late into the night about purple unwashed skirts, glitter, and Sephiroth. uglynoodles fucked around with this message at 23:58 on Oct 12, 2016 |
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Oct 21, 2011 00:21
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Sex and Gender Talk sounds straightforward, let's start there 
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Oct 21, 2011 00:34
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uglynoodles posted:x. Denise retcons Heero Yuy into Sephiroth from Final Fantasy 7. Astral babies ensue. I vote for this one, right off the bat. Gotta hear this crazy. I'm glad you made this thread, maybe later I'll share my own stories about a kid in middle school who insisted he was secretly a Saiyan/Pokemon and martial arts master. edit: Reading the list again, holy poo poo I think we're the same age. You had your pretty pretty demon princess Heero friend at the same time I had my crazy Saiyan/Pokeman.
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Oct 21, 2011 00:35
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 This girl is batshit insane and you are doing a very, very good thing by telling us about this. I don't really know what to read about next, but just keep it up. Maybe a chronological list would be best so we can descend into the spiral of madness as it continually builds more and more.
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Oct 21, 2011 00:35
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I need to hear this Sex and Gender talk! Please?
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Oct 21, 2011 00:41
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Everything. Please. I love these kinds of stories. And I really like your writing style, the drawings definitely add that little extra something to it  Please continue!
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Oct 21, 2011 00:41
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Holy crap. Are you sure this girl has no relation to the FF7 house? Surely there can't be that many crazy people in the world! Surely ... 
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Oct 21, 2011 00:44
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RyuujinBlueZ posted:I vote for this one, right off the bat. Gotta hear this crazy. I'm glad you made this thread, maybe later I'll share my own stories about a kid in middle school who insisted he was secretly a Saiyan/Pokemon and martial arts master. Oh my God, you went to school with Chris-Chan?
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Oct 21, 2011 00:45
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dumb brunette posted:the FF7 house? She is entirely unaffiliated with the FF7 house crew. I have actually spoken to the OP of the FF7 house, we have had many conversations snerking about the weirdness of Sephiroth wives and Hojos and unwashed bodies and purple skirts and glitter. RyuujinBlueZ posted:I'm pretty sure we're the same age! I'm 23 as of a few days ago. 
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Oct 21, 2011 00:48
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dumb brunette posted:
I remember running into that site. However, I somehow remember an archive where I clicked "next" to see the next point in the tale. This story was so sad 
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Oct 21, 2011 00:52
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I would like to request that any story you tell be accompanied by your animations.
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Oct 21, 2011 01:07
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Whatever the gently caress you do, just keep posting. This is some DLC poo poo.
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Oct 21, 2011 01:24
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I'm gonna have to go with Sex and Gender Talk as well. I can only... I can only imagine how that goes with this astral goddess.
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Oct 21, 2011 01:32
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sarsbar posted:Oh my God, you went to school with Chris-Chan? I don't think so, no. I'd have to see some picture of Chris-Chan, but last time I saw the guy I was talking about he was fifteen and still only about 4'8" tall and thin as a rail. Even back then I had limbs twice his size. I still blame the little bastard for my inability to throw a proper punch. uglynoodles posted:I'm 23 as of a few days ago. My math was off, because I'm retarded. I just turned 24 in September, and 2001 was ten years ago.  Still, it's the same general time frame!
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Oct 21, 2011 01:33
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As great as sex and gender, or even the "I'm not a lesbian" story sounds, I think it'd be neat if you told them chronologically. That way, we get to enjoy the trip down the rabbit hole just as you did. Assuming, of course, that the madness grew, rather than was simply laid out at the beginning and was weird in different ways, but not worse. Oh, and Happy Birthday, noodles. Just think, if you were born just a couple of months later, you would've missed out on all this madness! (Depending on what the school district's cutoff date is).
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Oct 21, 2011 01:35
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Zenostein posted:As great as sex and gender, or even the "I'm not a lesbian" story sounds, I think it'd be neat if you told them chronologically. That way, we get to enjoy the trip down the rabbit hole just as you did. Assuming, of course, that the madness grew, rather than was simply laid out at the beginning and was weird in different ways, but not worse. Yes, please. I want to slide down with her into the wonderland of imaginary gay animu dudes who are totally married to her, feel my ears pop as we reach new depths of insanity.
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Oct 21, 2011 01:38
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I know one these people. Luckily, he grew out of the whole amazing anime woohoo stage a little while ago. However he's become very critical of himself and has become a huge dick to anyone who disagrees with his opinions. He's not very smart. I know the feeling of having to deal with some mental people, and I'm glad you are posting this so I don't have to do it. Go in chronological order, as it would be great to go step by step through your experience and see how even more bizarre her fantasies became.
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Oct 21, 2011 01:46
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My best friend legally changed his name to Sephiroth, I have interest in this topic. Also voting for chronological order.
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Oct 21, 2011 01:49
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Chronological Order. I wanna see this unfold properly.
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Oct 21, 2011 01:54
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Chronological Order for sure. Man, I thought I was the winner of the crazy contest in junior high, all I had was one of the Digimon Frontier dudes.
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Oct 21, 2011 01:56
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And they all need illustrations. They need them.
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Oct 21, 2011 02:03
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Chronological order. Suddenly, I'm glad I didn't have any friends growing up.
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Oct 21, 2011 02:07
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Put another in th' hat for Chronological order. The story must unfold like a flower does in the pale blue light of dawn, a flower that I am sure will blossom into a beautiful analogy for your relationship.
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Oct 21, 2011 02:16
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Same, chronological order please. But I have to know about the dollfie thing.
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Oct 21, 2011 02:19
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Chronological order, and if you don't illustrate at least half of them I will actually weep.
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Oct 21, 2011 02:28
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I also vote for chronological order, and I eagerly await more drawings. Your writing style just sucks me right in 
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Oct 21, 2011 03:07
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Loving this so far, and I can't wait for more of these tales. Love the writing style and your drawings are just perfect. Also voting for chronological order. I'd like to see read the horror unfolding in the same order that you experienced it.
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Oct 21, 2011 03:11
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Also voting for Chronological Order and I'm glad you went forward on this from the Fandom Secrets thread. I also love your drawings! I too had a similar experience around the same age and had some of these loser friends until college. Thank God myself and a couple others were sane and mature enough to cut those cancers from our lives. For as socially awkward as I once was I never thought I was a goddess from another dimension where anime characters loved me.
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Oct 21, 2011 03:14
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I asked you for crazy stories in the other thread, and I don't regret it one bit. Holy poo poo. Also, your art is great My vote goes for chronolgical order.
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Oct 21, 2011 03:16
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Count me in for chronological order too. I get the feeling this is the kind of the story that has many many layers, like an onion. A crazy onion. And I love your drawings.
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Oct 21, 2011 03:31
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Chronological, please. All of those stories sound crazy and great, it'd be a shame to vote for one over the others, so just let the story unfold. Also great art.
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Oct 21, 2011 03:38
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Chronological order. Let the madness come one step at a time
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Oct 21, 2011 03:41
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Chronological order!
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Oct 21, 2011 03:51
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Chronological order.
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Oct 21, 2011 03:55
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Chronological order Also, this thread totally belongs in GBS where it will get the attention it deserves.
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Oct 21, 2011 03:58
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Chronological. We gotta see the descent. Did anyone ever tell her Sephiroth was a bitch who went down in one hit?
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Oct 21, 2011 03:59
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Another vote for chronological order. I remember someone who would make naruto hand signs on the bus, but I don't think he believed they would do anything.
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Oct 21, 2011 03:59
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Wow, and I thought it was sad when one of the kids I played DnD with back in school took all of his ideas--and I mean absolutely all of them--verbatim from anime and videogames. At least he wasn't living it. He just didn't have imagination. This girl has it in spades. I don't necessarily want to vote for Chronological order, but if you could keep a running list that is so we know where stuff fits when, that'd be cool. This sounds like the kind of rabbit hole that needs a map.
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Oct 21, 2011 04:00
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What the people above said, but with MORE DRAWINGS
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Oct 21, 2011 04:02
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Voting for chronological order. As someone who grew up in a rather sheltered, normal environment I am extremely interested in hearing about how far the crazy goes. The worst I ever had to deal with growing up were kids who literally thought they were power rangers and a weird girl in my art classes throughout high school who would do full-scale yaoi drawings and attempt to hand them in for city wide competitions. Thankfully, she never had those pieces of art featured in the student art exhibitions but they did put up a couple of them around our high school.
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Oct 21, 2011 04:12
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