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Tickle Me Chelmno posted:

EXT. LIBYAN DESERT - NIGHT

Tired, battle-blackened WOGS languish around the low embers of a campfire, entertaining the youngest amongst them with stories of their exploits. AHMED is drawing figure eights in the sand with a stick, until he is handed the red tea speaking flask. He swipes a hand at the sand, reaches back into his grenade scarf, and pulls out a flashlight, which he places under his chin.

              AHMED
Have you heard about the weirdass white man who wanders these dunes making injured men die?

The youngsters fall silent and the smiles melt from their faces, those on the periphery pull in tighter and hold arms and hands for support. They take quick, jittery sips from their juice boxes as if they may be ambushed for daring to take the time to enjoy it.

              AHMED
They say he's part animal, and he uses his dog powers to sniff out Gaddafi's men...
But most of all, he is attracted to...

Ahmed turns off the flashlight

              AHMED
PEAR JUICE

The children and teens begin to scream and run, spitting out mouthfuls of juice and inadvertantly kicking sand onto the dying embers. Plunged into darkness, the older men double over with laughter, and sheepishly the group reforms into a mass of bodies around the now dead fire. Soon, the whole group is laughing, until a dispassionate, quiet, heavily lisped voice somehow pierces the cacophony.

              KEVIN
Ooh, you guys got pear juice?


anime comes to life and kisses me on the lips
Autism Monday

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Meursault Horny posted:

he thought the mods had like a big conspiracy with the san diego police or something, he's really cool

Rich people are harder to buy off or scare into submission with the threat of police brutality. They can afford really awesome attorneys and/or to pay your bribes. Where did this rich/poor thing come from just now? You're not seeing the lobsters, are you? I'm using a bit of sleep deprivation torture vernacular, there. This conspiracy has nothing to do with lobsters. Why did you bring that up? You know that I'm a better interrogator than you because I've been heated and quenched in the burning oil of this poo poo for over six years, right? That's roughly how long I've been mining your dudes for intel.

Every engagement that we've had wherein you've tried some ridiculous bullshit that passes for a clandestine operation in an effort to entrap or otherwise silence me I have spent casually digging around in the brains of your guys. Learning about your organizational structures. Your attitudes. Your dominant beliefs. Your common formative experiences. Your favored tactics. The capabilities and performance metrics (group delay, etc.) of your intelligence network. Your weaknesses. I'm pretty observant and know how to run a list of questions in the format of light banter.

What happened to your predecessors, anyway?

I am the lobster, you son of a bitch. Welcome to my world.


mr crow


found the Corsoirb my nigga
ok lol
Another HeadShot KillKlan Joint
Rip my nigga

If I can land punches I do okay (I once played the 'trade right crosses to the shoulder' game with this 6' tall semi-fat kid back in undergrad, I'm stronger now. He lasted three. I didn't bruise. His shoulder turned black with two angry red spots in the center with radiating red lines away from them. My knuckles. He also bounced off of the fridge behind him (he flinched) and started crying after #3, but honorably bowed out. Left a dent. Part of that was me, as I did connect well, so he really flew. Coordination Coordination Coordination.), but reach is reach. This isn't me plotting to beat up a police station, just observations on how I'd probably do in a hand to hand confrontation.


Triticum Guzzler

I Have Sigs Off

They tried that in austin, and I've said 'OMG OMG THEY TRIED TO KILL ME ON THE ROAD' so many times that if they did it again it wouldn't work out so well for them. People would think to investigate that. I'd also have to actually be intoxicated behind the wheel. I don't think they have enough swing to rig an autopsy. They might be able to prevent one, but... well, who knows.

It would actually be relatively difficult. I drive a car with a pretty good crash rating and carry trauma gear.

Yes, they are reptiles. In spirit, anyway. I'm pretty sure they won't freeze to death in 50 degree weather. That would be really convenient.

And I am sure that there are more. This appears to be epic mondo huge. It's like the green giant guy stepped on me and I've been stuck to the stinking crest of this guy's right arch for years.

I'm saying they hosed up, did a lot of criminal poo poo, tried to bribe me, did even more criminal poo poo, tried to kill me, and... years later here we are. It's almost like a few seasons of the dukes of hazzard except more murderous. This is what it would be like if the duke boys weren't white. This is just horrible.


Triticum Guzzler

I Have Sigs Off

edit: Okay, I have to fess up. Their top gun dude actually blasted a dook into the pants during a particularly high-G maneuver. I thought their people were mentally invulnerable killing machines but apparently I am wrong. It's actually a REALLY good sign. "The brain bug, it's afraid!" / "If it bleeds we can kill it." good. It means that they aren't metal all the way through. That would have been really hard. This hints at a quasi-human 'moral cost function'. It actually does have some relevance. Oh yeah, I'm also +1 on 'having stared down police conspiracy firearms aimed directly at my cranium unflinching' score. That has to be some kind of MW2-style achievement. Pocket pistol in a makeshift jackass holster this time, in the hands of the pants shitter. Too bad emergency hemostats don't work on gunshot wounds to the brain. I had a small level IIIa concealed Kevlar shield with me but I doubt that I could have raised it in time to foil her shot and escape. Given the depth of surveillance savvy she exhibited she also would have known about it and known to aim around. Sort of worthless except as a way of protecting my vitals during a dash. Anyway, all of this makes guessing at their objectives a lot easier. If they were ACTUAL fundamentalists, well, much bigger problem. Crazy people are harder to predict. Sane criminals much less so.

This is would have been actually enormously good news edit: had it come sooner. They will be would have been easier to fight over longer time scales given what I now know about their cost functions. Too late, I'm afraid. My time is almost up. So, military career advice! Please. I need to be as butch as possible and I've done what I can, but at the end of the day I still started with smoking nerd meat. I never lied about my numbers. I don't have time for that poo poo. I'm also not insane, so don't worry about me freaking out on you or anything like that. Sincerely.


anime comes to life and kisses me on the lips
Autism Monday

Muppet Scabies posted:

Rich people are harder to buy off or scare into submission with the threat of police brutality. They can afford really awesome attorneys and/or to pay your bribes. Where did this rich/poor thing come from just now? You're not seeing the lobsters, are you? I'm using a bit of sleep deprivation torture vernacular, there. This conspiracy has nothing to do with lobsters. Why did you bring that up? You know that I'm a better interrogator than you because I've been heated and quenched in the burning oil of this poo poo for over six years, right? That's roughly how long I've been mining your dudes for intel.

Every engagement that we've had wherein you've tried some ridiculous bullshit that passes for a clandestine operation in an effort to entrap or otherwise silence me I have spent casually digging around in the brains of your guys. Learning about your organizational structures. Your attitudes. Your dominant beliefs. Your common formative experiences. Your favored tactics. The capabilities and performance metrics (group delay, etc.) of your intelligence network. Your weaknesses. I'm pretty observant and know how to run a list of questions in the format of light banter.

What happened to your predecessors, anyway?

I am the lobster, you son of a bitch. Welcome to my world.


Meursault Horny
If you interfere with my life in a destructive manner I will make yours a living hell. Stalking still isn't legal. This is a solemn promise. You need to ask yourself if I am so far gone as to tolerate bullshit like that. Based on the actions you are suggesting you think I am, yet I obviously am not.

I'm a retard. You're already doing this. You know what your big giveaway is?

YOU DO NOT UNDERSTAND HOW THE POST EDIT SYSTEM WORKS. EDITED POSTS BEAR A TIMESTAMP. I guess if you pay the SA people enough you can destroy or contaminate posts I've made here by editing them yourselves. People won't be able to tell that it wasn't me. That's very depressing, and it suddenly dawns on me that you'll angle for this. Nobody ever thinks to archive posts on a forums site. They always assume that they will remain static. I think that I might be straight hosed by crooked goddamned cops.

poo poo, guys. I didn't want to die like this. Why doesn't anybody stop these things? Seriously, me? gently caress it and gently caress you too. I'll find some way to end this.


Triticum Guzzler

I Have Sigs Off

Muppet Scabies posted:



a Loving Dog


ARfys cool

http://forums.somethingawful.com/sh...40&pagenumber=3

find any wordy post and see how hosed up and crazy this guy is. cool party.


Triticum Guzzler

I Have Sigs Off

The art of war and the mechanics of combat are nothing new to me. I've seen the movies. I've played the games. Now I am the guy in the game. I have undone a lifetime of brainwashing; the dumbing down of people that is prevalent it today's society and unlocked the parts of my brain they never told you about. Thus I have the mental prowess of the Protoss, yet the battle hardened heart of the Terran. I have gone from nothing but a FOB and a loving patch of minerals to a massive army of bloodthirsty killers that are eager and ready to take my orders at any given moment, pouring out of countless facilities in coldly calculated cycles. Just need to get those lazy haji fuckers in the engineering tent to get my +2 ammo in production so I have the edge in my future sniper battles.


-B l a z e i n g-

blazeing w hitler posted:

The art of war and the mechanics of combat are nothing new to me. I've seen the movies. I've played the games. Now I am the guy in the game. I have undone a lifetime of brainwashing; the dumbing down of people that is prevalent it today's society and unlocked the parts of my brain they never told you about. Thus I have the mental prowess of the Protoss, yet the battle hardened heart of the Terran. I have gone from nothing but a FOB and a loving patch of minerals to a massive army of bloodthirsty killers that are eager and ready to take my orders at any given moment, pouring out of countless facilities in coldly calculated cycles. Just need to get those lazy haji fuckers in the engineering tent to get my +2 ammo in production so I have the edge in my future sniper battles.


anime


Tickle Me Chelmno posted:

http://forums.somethingawful.com/sh...40&pagenumber=3

find any wordy post and see how hosed up and crazy this guy is. cool party.

i read 1 and yes hes crazy. glad hes killing arabs, tho. pretty funy situation in general.


Haomo

@bedbugs99

blazeing w hitler posted:

The art of war and the mechanics of combat are nothing new to me. I've seen the movies. I've played the games. Now I am the guy in the game. I have undone a lifetime of brainwashing; the dumbing down of people that is prevalent it today's society and unlocked the parts of my brain they never told you about. Thus I have the mental prowess of the Protoss, yet the battle hardened heart of the Terran. I have gone from nothing but a FOB and a loving patch of minerals to a massive army of bloodthirsty killers that are eager and ready to take my orders at any given moment, pouring out of countless facilities in coldly calculated cycles. Just need to get those lazy haji fuckers in the engineering tent to get my +2 ammo in production so I have the edge in my future sniper battles.


anime comes to life and kisses me on the lips
Autism Monday

Haomasexual posted:

i read 1 and yes hes crazy. glad hes killing arabs, tho. pretty funy situation in general.

I think so too


by AVBadvertising

Twist Fuck

blazeing w hitler posted:

out side snipeing some reb bels


        ghost flow
tripwire

Meursault Horny posted:



40gb, bitches


        ghost flow
tripwire

hahahah this is hosed up and cool


        ghost flow
tripwire

tripwire posted:

40gb, bitches

lol


Triticum Guzzler

I Have Sigs Off

The hitmarkers. Those blinking X's that surround the crosshair when my shots are landed on the enemy. I now have no more need for them -- just mists and mists of blood from every single loving shot of my 7.62 NATO (5.56 caliber is good for suppression and close engagements but I'm going for the one shot route here). No cpu, no amount of RAM, can handle the intensity of combat.


-B l a z e i n g-

----------------
This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!

I am the walrus. What walrus. There is no walrus, there is only Gadafy and his Men. I have brought Printers into war now, in this fifth consecutive year. I am well trained in all manner of reconnaissance with scope and with binocular, and am fairly loving certain I can handle that laser designator. What is your prerogative. I am failry loving certain that I can find out what you and your successors are working on, through running some beginning and intermediate chat reconnaissance. Well gently caress you


mr crow


found the Corsoirb my nigga
ok lol
Another HeadShot KillKlan Joint
Rip my nigga

Muppet Scabies posted:

I am the walrus. What walrus. There is no walrus, there is only Gadafy and his Men. I have brought Printers into war now, in this fifth consecutive year. I am well trained in all manner of reconnaissance with scope and with binocular, and am fairly loving certain I can handle that laser designator. What is your prerogative. I am failry loving certain that I can find out what you and your successors are working on, through running some beginning and intermediate chat reconnaissance. Well gently caress you


-B l a z e i n g-

----------------
This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!

lol.


GBS Owns.
Cart Mountain

Muppet Scabies posted:

I am the walrus. What walrus. There is no walrus, there is only Gadafy and his Men. I have brought Printers into war now, in this fifth consecutive year. I am well trained in all manner of reconnaissance with scope and with binocular, and am fairly loving certain I can handle that laser designator. What is your prerogative. I am failry loving certain that I can find out what you and your successors are working on, through running some beginning and intermediate chat reconnaissance. Well gently caress you


anime comes to life and kisses me on the lips
Autism Monday

the fakeposts are more plauseable than the real ones what the gently caress is going on


RE: RUN SUPPORT
fluffer muffle

Muppet Scabies posted:

Click. Print. CIA Rendition time.


        ghost flow
tripwire

wait were is it that we know that the dude in lybia is caro?



Neo Mara

Bong Bored posted:

the fakeposts are more plauseable than the real ones what the gently caress is going on

fakeposts are achieving the full circle. are you gay? try posting it, ironically. see what happens


paraone

Saw enough poo poo for one day. Linksys took a .50 round and a couple of mechanical keyboards were destroyed in an ambush. The realization that I`m not invincible is slowly kicking in. But with a 9 volt, some detcord, and a couple of magnets attached to the steel mousepad I have in my plate carrier, I believe I will be able to create a sort of electromagnetic deflection field so my enemy`s fire will just curve around me. I`ve ran the raw data past the boys in yospos and so far we still have a green light. Hell, I`ve used wired mice as grappling hooks when tossed into the right nooks. Even if I'm caught I figure the boys in black will give me a job in some blacked out line of work and I will get my pension.


-B l a z e i n g-

----------------
This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!

blazeing w hitler posted:

Saw enough poo poo for one day. Linksys took a .50 round and a couple of mechanical keyboards were destroyed in an ambush. The realization that I`m not invincible is slowly kicking in. But with a 9 volt, some detcord, and a couple of magnets attached to the steel mousepad I have in my plate carrier, I believe I will be able to create a sort of electromagnetic deflection field so my enemy`s fire will just curve around me. I`ve ran the raw data past the boys in yospos and so far we still have a green light. Hell, I`ve used wired mice as grappling hooks when tossed into the right nooks. Even if I'm caught I figure the boys in black will give me a job in some blacked out line of work and I will get my pension.

lol


Triticum Guzzler

I Have Sigs Off

das four posted:

http://www.salon.com/2011/10/26/npr...ibya/singleton/

he's some sort of hero to the libyan rebel group he runs with i guess; also he's practicing unlicensed surgery and medicine on these dudes. heres a video of him shooting at people with a sniper rifle

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Be-QXSTOLx4

yeah notice he loving sucks and didnt hit one person in two minutes and it took a libyan without a sniper rifle to point out where he was and he responded snidely like I KNOW WHERE HE IS OKAY????? THANK YOU.


GB2FYAD

cleopatrabarksdale


blazeing w hitler posted:

Saw enough poo poo for one day. Linksys took a .50 round and a couple of mechanical keyboards were destroyed in an ambush. The realization that I`m not invincible is slowly kicking in. But with a 9 volt, some detcord, and a couple of magnets attached to the steel mousepad I have in my plate carrier, I believe I will be able to create a sort of electromagnetic deflection field so my enemy`s fire will just curve around me. I`ve ran the raw data past the boys in yospos and so far we still have a green light. Hell, I`ve used wired mice as grappling hooks when tossed into the right nooks. Even if I'm caught I figure the boys in black will give me a job in some blacked out line of work and I will get my pension.

ahahhaha


        ghost flow
tripwire

but honestly even if he is crazier than hell hes already accomplished a lot more than lf (those loving losers who are now posting on 5 different offsite forums) ever will


GB2FYAD

cleopatrabarksdale


..they roll snake eyes!


        ghost flow
tripwire

Muppet Scabies posted:

lmao

orac22 (1 day ago) Spam
BradRapsters: But what did you do instead? You grabbed him by his destroyed leg and started yelling at everybody to run with him. One little slip and a scalpel-like chunk of bone severs a nerve, an artery, and a stable wound turns mortal or costs him his leg. All because of you. Later, when you saw me again and kept causing problems? Telling random Thewar that I was 'Americanski' and Mushkara (a problem) and then when that didn't work shoving me and clubbing me with your camera? The reason I didn't hit back was because I was armed and it was not my place. I had a sense of responsibility that you obviously lacked. So I had to loving stand there and take it because your stupid rear end might have gone for my rifle if you saw it loose.



lmfao


GB2FYAD

cleopatrabarksdale


AncientChinesePenis posted:

Lol no really no fakepost can be funnier then the simple fact that a Goon helped overthrow a government


GB2FYAD

cleopatrabarksdale


Car posted:

there's videos where he's telling the rebels what to do and some gbs that speaks whatever mud language they speak said they're relaying his orders and treating him like a military consultant lol

lmao this is going to be an absolutely hilarious government


GB2FYAD

cleopatrabarksdale


Stinky gently caress Face posted:

fakeposts are achieving the full circle. are you gay? try posting it, ironically. see what happens

for your sake please dont do that


GB2FYAD

cleopatrabarksdale


Neo Mara posted:

wait were is it that we know that the dude in lybia is caro?

there's one of his utubes where he says "Kevin Dawes, Something Awful Battlefield Correspondant, signing off." ill try and find it later

he also posted his irl name (kevin dawes) multiple times and posted a link to his facebook


Bunny Cuddlin

----------------
This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!

Car posted:

there's one of his utubes where he says "Kevin Dawes, Something Awful Battlefield Correspondant, signing off." ill try and find it later

he also posted his irl name (kevin dawes) multiple times and posted a link to his facebook

here it is http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=atDV...filepage#t=305s


Bunny Cuddlin

----------------
This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!

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lol its at 5 min 5 secdonds too haha


-B l a z e i n g-

----------------
This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!

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