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Well, my sister finally touched base with me for the first time since I came out to my family just after New Years. Via text message, of course, because we are products of our generation. What followed was an extended series of incredibly long text messages between us, that eventually got to the point where I began using my Bluetooth keyboard to type out my replies. We've reached an understanding, but the experience was, in and of itself, emotionally exhausting. And now I have to figure out how to tell the extended family, including my biological father. 
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| # ? Feb 3, 2012 05:16 |
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| # ? May 22, 2013 22:12 |
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It's now been two weeks since I came out at work, and I suppose there's some benefit to having our HR outsourcer working literally down the hall in the office building from us. If I run into any issues or have any questions I can just make an appointment for guidance. A few co-workers are still slipping and calling me by my old name/pronouns, but everyone has been extremely respectful and understanding, and the clients I was most worried about (most clients are churches) have completely gone with it and not even asked me any questions.  Tech support, this is (male name) (female name?) Same person, but I go by (male name) now. You'll be seeing that name on all of my emails and ticket notifications. Wow, ok!Internal staff at my job did a quick sweep of just about everything, changing my name, and for the first time in four years I got business cards.  Yep, success. The only thing I need to get better at now is giving less of a poo poo in the men's restroom. I'm not doing any STP stuff - just picking a stall and doing my thing.
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| # ? Feb 3, 2012 18:42 |
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xov posted:It's now been two weeks since I came out at work, and I suppose there's some benefit to having our HR outsourcer working literally down the hall in the office building from us. If I run into any issues or have any questions I can just make an appointment for guidance. Yeah don't give a poo poo. Using urinals was always an exception for me (stalls were full of farty men or it was some novel urinal that looked fun/interesting to use) and I never had any problems.
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| # ? Feb 3, 2012 20:02 |
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teh winnar! posted:In the US, it's really all about who you know. If you have a friend in (area) that would be willing to put you up for a little while, and/or you can afford to take a few "vacations" to the area that you can spend doing interviews, you might have a fighting chance at getting out. The inherent problem is, you're still basing a lot on luck, and this world has a nasty tendency to chew up people who rely on luck to get by. There's a million ways to get out, it's just a matter of how well you can connect yourself, how you're willing to live, and how well you can dig up and avail yourself of resources. A little over a year and a half ago I was a scared goony internet person, just starting transition, and stuck at my parent's place in my lovely rust belt hometown full of intolerant people, at a dead-end job that I couldn't transition at because my dad had hooked me up with it. I resolved to do whatever it took to leave and put up with whatever came my way as a result of it. I snagged a (sort of) lucky opportunity living with my sister on the other side of the country in a hick/hippie town and ended up in a similar situation to the one I had just left for about six months. I spent a lot of time on the internet connecting with as many of my friends' friends as I could (facebook can be used for practical things!) and, when my sister told me I had to leave, a friend bought me a ticket to san francisco. I was connected with a queer arts warehouse through some friends' friends (and a crazy goon :P ) and lived there (with no hot water) for three months until it closed. I reached out to every volunteering gig for every community that I gave half a poo poo about and made a ton of friends, many with useful connections for housing and potential work. I looked up and put out feelers for every relevant outreach group in the area and ended up getting access to lots of useful services and good friends. I've been living for the last six months by a mix of canvassing and odd jobs, and housing mostly through house sitting, couchsurfing, and squatting. Life has been waaaaay less comfortable, less secure and more difficult since leaving home, but it's possible to make it if you're desperate and resourceful enough and willing to eat a lot of humble pie. If you're willing to make a desperate exit, spend a ton of time talking to people and let them know what you're looking to do. Ask if they know people that can help for x, y or z in a place you want to move. If you've made that do-or-die resolution to leave and want someone to talk to about how to make it happen, come to the IRC and find me (I don't think my AIM is still in the OP and I don't check SA regularly anymore)
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| # ? Feb 4, 2012 04:54 |
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I just want to rant for a few minutes. My wife and I had a big discussion about my transness a couple of nights ago. We both have our own therapists helping us through things. Her dad died three years ago this month and her mom died in November, so she's got lots of poo poo she's dealing with. It turns out that she's fine with any number of internal, how-I-feel changes but is absolutely squigged out by any outward changes at all. No clothing changes, no makeup, no earrings (or ear piercings), and no breast development. She did say I could wear bracelets or something but suggested more masculine styles because womanly bracelets don't come in sizes that would fit my wrist. If the Kinsey scale had a 0 on it, that would be her. I am getting laser hair removal on my face and we are both down with that because I both hate and am terrible at shaving my face and she doesn't like guys with facial hair either. But that's the only thing. I'm also trying to grow my hair out, but it has a tendency to grow up and out into a white guy afro. She doesn't like guys with long hair either. She never has, so we'll see how far that goes. Anyway, we've been together 15 years, married for 14 and we've been through lots of things. I mean unemployment, both of her parents going through cancer and dying, my mom getting divorced and marrying a partially deaf adult ADHD sufferer (loud and annoyingly hyper), my step-brother getting shot and killed by the police, having our dogs stolen out of our own back yard, tons of things. I'd like to think we can get through anything, but... I feel like I'm asking her to become homosexual just to make me feel better about myself. I feel like an rear end in a top hat for not understanding what my issues were earlier. Before we got married, I told her I sometimes like to wear makeup and dress up and she said "that makes me uncomfortable" so I dropped it and stopped doing it, but I never stopped thinking about it. I thought it was just a weird fetish. I didn't even know transgender was a thing. Hearing about "chicks with dicks" in porn made me think they must use special effects. I got on Zoloft about two years into our marriage for depression. I'd always been depressed since I was a baby (according to my mom). And Zoloft made me pretty mellow. It made me so mellow that I was pretty much cool with everything. Until it stopped working a year ago or so and I had to come down off of it and then step up on something else. That was when my gender identity issues resurfaced and I started putting things together and things started making sense. It was a few months later that I told my wife about it and it was very, very difficult. I found a new therapist who specialized in gender stuff and she'd already gotten a therapist after her mom got sick. So here we are now. Logically, my wife knows that this isn't a choice for me; it is something that has been a part of my brain since before I was born. But emotionally, she feels like I lied to her and misled her (not that she used those exact words) and she is totally not comfortable with the idea of being with a woman. So, what do I do? I am supposed to call an endo recommended by my therapist to start talking about hormones, but that will lead to physical changes (which I am super-cool with and my wife is creeped out by). Do I repress everything again, get my anti-depressants boosted until I don't care again, and try to make her happy while I am miserable? Or do I go through with it and see how far it goes so that I can be happy while making my wife both miserable and feel like she's lost her husband. It loving sucks. If I had known in 1996 what I know now, I never would have gone along with a relationship where the person wasn't comfortable with my desire to present as a woman sometimes. My wife is awesome and she's the best person I've ever been with. She's torn up that she's having so much trouble accepting this, but she can't change the fact that she is, in fact, having a great deal of trouble with it.
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| # ? Feb 4, 2012 05:22 |
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I feel for you, I really do. Part of what pushed me into things was I was in a relationship with a very, very heterosexual guy I loved. I could see myself getting married and having kids...and secretly wearing his clothes while he was gone and constantly regretting what could have been. So I ended up transitioning and we ended up breaking up (note: my call, he was so good about everything, he is still one of my closest friends). My take is if you do something you may be miserable over your relationship but happier with yourself. If you don't you'll be miserable over yourself and that will bleed into the relationship and breed bad feelings. It's hard to do, but you have to be selfish. Do what feels best for you, because that is your best chance at long-term happiness.
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| # ? Feb 4, 2012 05:53 |
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Caseus Maximus posted:It sucks but at the end of the day, she either has to learn to accept who you are and live with things as they are, or you have to be willing to let her go. It sucks having to do it, but you can only go on so long living to please other people. If she's really the super-cool person you're talking about, she has to be willing to approach this with an open mind and deal with it the way it is, not the way she wishes it would be.
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| # ? Feb 4, 2012 06:07 |
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My last relationship ended over my trans-ness. It happens. We're still friends though.
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| # ? Feb 4, 2012 06:09 |
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You can correct me if I'm wrong but I'm pretty sure your decision is actually between 'transitioning and feeling better but making her upset' and 'not transitioning and trying to make her happy when it's obvious she'll notice you're unhappy/resentful and unfulfilled as a person and feel bad about it anyway'.
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| # ? Feb 4, 2012 06:23 |
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You've got to be yourself. She's got to be herself. You owe it to yourself to pursue this and see what in it is best for you. And it loving sucks if she can't follow that road with you, but understand that you're treading in an area of self-identity that touches on hers too. If she can't accept it, that's something you may have to just come to accept. Doesn't make her an awful person. Doesn't make you an awful person.
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| # ? Feb 4, 2012 18:06 |
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I think it's time i came out as trans to my wider family. I want to discuss it with my parents but they keep putting it off. My seems vagueley horrified at the idea. She is having real problems accepting it and refused to attend any sort of therapy to help her deal with it.
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| # ? Feb 4, 2012 23:48 |
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Teabiscuit posted:I think it's time i came out as trans to my wider family. I want to discuss it with my parents but they keep putting it off. My seems vagueley horrified at the idea. She is having real problems accepting it and refused to attend any sort of therapy to help her deal with it. This eased no small amount of my anxiety when I in fact did this. Best of luck with this poo poo, you could really use a loving break.
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| # ? Feb 5, 2012 19:32 |
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Teabiscuit posted:I think it's time i came out as trans to my wider family. I want to discuss it with my parents but they keep putting it off. My seems vagueley horrified at the idea. She is having real problems accepting it and refused to attend any sort of therapy to help her deal with it. Yeah, best of luck with this. I still haven't done it because I'm still living in the same neighborhood as most of them and that kind of proximity is just scary. My mom wouldn't even know if she hadn't found my pills. So, yeah, you're way braver than me.
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| # ? Feb 5, 2012 21:21 |
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Teabiscuit posted:I think it's time i came out as trans to my wider family. I want to discuss it with my parents but they keep putting it off. My seems vagueley horrified at the idea. She is having real problems accepting it and refused to attend any sort of therapy to help her deal with it. You'll be relaxed when it's done, whether the reaction is good or bad, because you no longer have to wonder about they would feel if you did. It's done, it's just out there. The ball is then in their court. If it will take away one worry for you, that's good enough reason to do it.
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| # ? Feb 6, 2012 07:09 |
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Showcase SHODAN posted:You'll be relaxed when it's done, whether the reaction is good or bad, because you no longer have to wonder about they would feel if you did. It's done, it's just out there. The ball is then in their court. If it will take away one worry for you, that's good enough reason to do it.
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| # ? Feb 6, 2012 07:36 |
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I'm going to class in girl-mode for the first time today. Wish me luck!
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| # ? Feb 6, 2012 15:04 |
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Kakumei posted:I'm going to class in girl-mode for the first time today. Wish me luck! Good luck!
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| # ? Feb 6, 2012 15:22 |
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Kakumei posted:I'm going to class in girl-mode for the first time today. Wish me luck! Huh, could've sworn I was at the only university that starts classes this late into the year (at least, I'm assuming today is the start of a new semester for you). Best of luck to you!
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| # ? Feb 6, 2012 15:39 |
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Kakumei posted:I'm going to class in girl-mode for the first time today. Wish me luck!
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| # ? Feb 6, 2012 16:51 |
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Kakumei posted:I'm going to class in girl-mode for the first time today. Wish me luck! I came out to a bunch of my smoking buddies. I wasn't really sure how they were gonna take it - everybody's cool with LGB in the group, but we're in Deep East Texas and being gay-friendly doesn't always mean being trans-friendly anyway - but it turned out they were cool with it and now I can hang out with them in dude-mode. Feels good
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| # ? Feb 6, 2012 18:37 |
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It's been about three months since I started taking spiro & estrace. I've started to notice a little bit of hair loss on my head. Not great big chunks but I just seem to be shedding a whole lot more. Perhaps it's because I've let my hair grow longer than I've ever had it, leading me to notice it more, but I'm paranoid that I'm gonna wake up in a few months and find myself as a bald woman. This seems kinda contrary to my expectations, and I have always had pretty thick and healthy hair. Has anyone else suffered hair loss after starting HRT?
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| # ? Feb 6, 2012 21:14 |
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TheRubberDucky posted:It's been about three months since I started taking spiro & estrace. I've started to notice a little bit of hair loss on my head. Not great big chunks but I just seem to be shedding a whole lot more. Perhaps it's because I've let my hair grow longer than I've ever had it, leading me to notice it more, but I'm paranoid that I'm gonna wake up in a few months and find myself as a bald woman. This seems kinda contrary to my expectations, and I have always had pretty thick and healthy hair. Has anyone else suffered hair loss after starting HRT? My hair's actually a bit thicker a month in (which is something I was hoping, as baldness runs in my family). Losing it seems kind of concerning, I don't know what to tell you.  First day of class as a girl went pretty well! I was hardcore nervous at first, then calmed down a bit when I realized that absolutely no one gave a poo poo. It was a little more difficult because this is actually partially through the term, so they've been seeing me for a few weeks as a guy, but other than a few odd looks here and there no one really seemed to care one way or the other--except for the guy who asked me if I lost a Super Bowl bet
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| # ? Feb 6, 2012 21:21 |
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I'm trying to decide whether or not to interview at St. Louis school of medicine - is St. Louis an especially unfriendly place to be trans? Does anyone have suggestions for finding out more? I'm going to call up their student affairs people, etc. but am not sure what more I can do before visiting. I have an acceptance in Chicago that I know is relatively forward-thinking, so at this point I'd prefer to save myself the travel unless I'm interviewing somewhere exceptional... My top choice school is having me interview this week, which is going to be awesome/scary, but unfortunately I won't hear back from them until after the St. Louis interview. Collaterly Sisters fucked around with this message at Feb 6, 2012 around 21:48 |
| # ? Feb 6, 2012 21:45 |
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TheRubberDucky posted:It's been about three months since I started taking spiro & estrace. I've started to notice a little bit of hair loss on my head. Not great big chunks but I just seem to be shedding a whole lot more. Perhaps it's because I've let my hair grow longer than I've ever had it, leading me to notice it more, but I'm paranoid that I'm gonna wake up in a few months and find myself as a bald woman. This seems kinda contrary to my expectations, and I have always had pretty thick and healthy hair. Has anyone else suffered hair loss after starting HRT? I know that I definitely didn't notice how my hairline had changed (from testosterone) until I started growing it out, so you may be right. HRT typically stops and/or reverses hairline and other androgenic hair loss, but you might have some other kind of hair loss or something funny could be going on. With GnRH antagonists like gosreilin you see a 'surge' effect and might conceivably see increased hairloss during the first month, but that shouldn't be the case with spiro. Probably worth talking to an endo about, just in case - good luck!
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| # ? Feb 6, 2012 21:48 |
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TheRubberDucky posted:It's been about three months since I started taking spiro & estrace. I've started to notice a little bit of hair loss on my head. Not great big chunks but I just seem to be shedding a whole lot more. Perhaps it's because I've let my hair grow longer than I've ever had it, leading me to notice it more, but I'm paranoid that I'm gonna wake up in a few months and find myself as a bald woman. This seems kinda contrary to my expectations, and I have always had pretty thick and healthy hair. Has anyone else suffered hair loss after starting HRT? There are reasons other than male pattern balding that cause hair to fall out, especially hormonal changes, but before you have an Orchi the mechanisms for some DHT production (and the related hair loss) are still there. A lot of transwomen have finasteride (or even better: dutasteride) as part of their regimen to deal with this, so if you think you are genetically susceptible to MPB then consider getting your hands on some of that.
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| # ? Feb 6, 2012 21:53 |
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quote:There are reasons other than male pattern balding that cause hair to fall out, especially hormonal changes, but before you have an Orchi the mechanisms for some DHT production (and the related hair loss) are still there. A lot of transwomen have finasteride (or even better: dutasteride) as part of their regimen to deal with this, so if you think you are genetically susceptible to MPB then consider getting your hands on some of that. Thank you for this information. Looking at my family history, my maternal grandfather is the only adult with a full head of hair, and both of my parents had very thin hair as far back as I can recall. Collaterly Sisters posted:Probably worth talking to an endo about, just in case - good luck! I absolutely will, I'm just in a freak out moment about something I've never had any problems with.
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| # ? Feb 6, 2012 22:08 |
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Teabiscuit posted:I think it's time i came out as trans to my wider family. I want to discuss it with my parents but they keep putting it off. Good luck! Yes, it is a relief to be out. What I did, and would recommend, is coming out via a letter at first. This allows you to craft what you want to say, gives them space to absorb the information, and there is a concrete thing afterwards of what was said (cue missing dream sequence).
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| # ? Feb 6, 2012 22:23 |
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InediblePenguin posted:I came out to a bunch of my smoking buddies. I wasn't really sure how they were gonna take it - everybody's cool with LGB in the group, but we're in Deep East Texas and being gay-friendly doesn't always mean being trans-friendly anyway - but it turned out they were cool with it and now I can hang out with them in dude-mode. Feels good That's awesome. I'm on the verge of telling a group of my co-workers -- I really doubt they'll care -- but of course I'm really nervous, anxious, etc. all the same. I already hang out with them while in me-mode, so I figure they have to be aware of it to some degree. It's just scary taking that extra step, especially since this will be my first time telling people who aren't close friends.
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| # ? Feb 6, 2012 22:34 |
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Kakumei posted:My hair's actually a bit thicker a month in (which is something I was hoping, as baldness runs in my family). Losing it seems kind of concerning, I don't know what to tell you. I'm glad to hear it went well. I've noticed a lot of people college age are pretty accepting, but that's just from a Central FL perspective.
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| # ? Feb 6, 2012 22:38 |
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Slave posted:There are reasons other than male pattern balding that cause hair to fall out, especially hormonal changes, but before you have an Orchi the mechanisms for some DHT production (and the related hair loss) are still there. Can you elaborate? I would imagine that so long as you're suppressing testosterone in one way or another, whatever proportion gets converted to DHT is gonna be negligible, but I could definitely be wrong. Spiro blocks androgen binding at the receptor, which suggests to me that on an adequate dose, DHT production will not impact follicular blood supply and will eventually fall to castrate levels along with T. As far as I'm aware the esterases that convert T to DHT are expressed ubiquitously, but again - could be wrong. EDIT: in case it's not clear to anyone reading this, DHT is a 'strong androgen' because it a) has a greater affinity for the androgen receptor, activating androgenic gene transcription more strongly per molecule, and b) cannot be back-converted into estrogen, unlike testosterone. Sprio is a competitive antagonist of the androgen receptor, that is, it has a very high affinity for the androgen receptor and displaces androgens without activating the receptor. An inadequate dose of spiro might not outcompete all the DHT floating around, but there will eventually be less of it due to T suppression... bottom line I guess is that if finasteride and spiro combined seem to be helping you should keep it up, and if spiro doesn't seem to be doing enough you should change your dose or consider adding finasteride/dutasteride. I'm just not aware of a mechanism that would indicate that combination. Collaterly Sisters fucked around with this message at Feb 6, 2012 around 23:39 |
| # ? Feb 6, 2012 23:35 |
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Collaterly Sisters posted:Can you elaborate? I would imagine that so long as you're suppressing testosterone in one way or another, whatever proportion gets converted to DHT is gonna be negligible, but I could definitely be wrong. Spiro blocks androgen binding at the receptor, which suggests to me that on an adequate dose, DHT production will not impact follicular blood supply and will eventually fall to castrate levels along with T. As far as I'm aware the esterases that convert T to DHT are expressed ubiquitously, but again - could be wrong. Yeah generally with proper dosages HRT will drop testosterone production enough for the 5α-reductase to not have much to work with, but unless your testosterone is absolutely floored then there will still be some around for DHT production to kick into effect. DHT also has massively more affinity for androgen receptors than testosterone, even spiro only has 67% as much affinity as DHT. If TheRubberDuckys family are the kind of people who are bald by 25 then a little will have a big effect. I guess 3 months of spiro (especially if the dosage has been slowly incremented), may not have been enough to floor T levels, but that's something for her endo to deal with.
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| # ? Feb 7, 2012 00:00 |
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Just got back from my doctor, she decided to backpedal on the full three months of RLE and gave me the go ahead for about a million lab tests. Once I finish those I can go in next week and get my spiro 'scrip  Assuming everything goes well I'll have my estrogen by the end of the month!
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| # ? Feb 7, 2012 00:11 |
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Ularg posted:I'm glad to hear it went well. I've noticed a lot of people college age are pretty accepting, but that's just from a Central FL perspective. Not just central florida, I saw the same thing in the middle of Virginia, hardly a liberal mecca!
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| # ? Feb 7, 2012 00:33 |
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Collaterly Sisters posted:I'm trying to decide whether or not to interview at St. Louis school of medicine - is St. Louis an especially unfriendly place to be trans? I live roughly two hours away from St. Louis, and it's where I go for my endo appointments. I've never experienced anything negative when there. It's supposedly pretty LGBT friendly.
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| # ? Feb 7, 2012 01:06 |
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Collaterly Sisters posted:I'm trying to decide whether or not to interview at St. Louis school of medicine - is St. Louis an especially unfriendly place to be trans? Does anyone have suggestions for finding out more? I have lived in a St Louis suburb for 4 years and I'm not really sure either. My therapist doesn't have too many recommendations for places that would help with that sort of information. She only had this The LGBT Center of St Louis which seems relatively new. But there is a phone number on the site if you want to call to see if they can provide details on the area.
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| # ? Feb 7, 2012 02:01 |
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| # ? Feb 7, 2012 03:25 |
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Does anyone have any tips for exercising to get a better figure? I'm 6'2" and went down from 260 when I was a college freshman to 180 now that I'm a junior, but I'm still flabby. I bought my first top the other day and I realized that boy t-shirts can hide your weight pretty well, but girl clothes are clingy and really show things for how they are. I just want a nice torso that I won't be embarrassed over, but I don't really know what I should do outside of generally trying to burn more fat. I'm not on hormones yet, but I should be by the end of February. Will that change things at all?
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| # ? Feb 7, 2012 07:49 |
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Cephas posted:Does anyone have any tips for exercising to get a better figure? I'm 6'2" and went down from 260 when I was a college freshman to 180 now that I'm a junior, but I'm still flabby. I bought my first top the other day and I realized that boy t-shirts can hide your weight pretty well, but girl clothes are clingy and really show things for how they are. I'd say head on over to W&W, because they know what they're talking about. Besides that there are tons of workout plans for women all over the internet; I'd mostly do cardio if you're not looking to actually build muscles.
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| # ? Feb 7, 2012 07:56 |
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Cephas posted:I'm not on hormones yet, but I should be by the end of February. Will that change things at all? yes. It'll be subtle though. redistributed to your thighs and chest. also You won't gain muscle mass as quick. Also you will probably be happier for all the health benefits that'll bring you.
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| # ? Feb 7, 2012 07:59 |
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| # ? May 22, 2013 22:12 |
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Hormones definitely make a difference with body fat/muscle/etc, whether you're mtf or ftm. For body fat distribution you do have to give it at least a few years for major effects, but if you take measurements you'll probably start noticing it sooner than if you just look in the mirror. I second the cardio suggestion -- it's basically all most of the girls I know do, because they're all worried about "bulking up" and so on (although really it's not that easy to magically sprout huge muscles). I've scheduled top surgery for April and I'm pretty stoked about that. The travel means I'll probably have to wait until July-August to change the gender on my passport, but oh well. Those two things are my main goals for the year and I'm pretty damned happy that I've gotten well on the way to accomplishing one.
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| # ? Feb 7, 2012 08:29 |
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