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quiggy posted:I appreciate the link but there's no way in hell I'm watching that. I feel lovely enough about my neck as-is. I dunno what the average rate is. Dr. McGinn is ~ 4k iirc. So not too bad as cosmetic surgery goes. Dessert Rose posted:Wow, that'll be a change. It's awesome here. Welcome to Trans Central USA. Wait what? Do I get a membership card or something?
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| # ? Nov 10, 2011 03:10 |
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| # ? May 19, 2013 08:27 |
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Plutoidmoon posted:I now spend my time switching between trying to figure out just how hosed i am in the potential pass-ability department and thinking of an efficient, painless and quick way to kill myself. Scattered throughout this are feelings of self doubt and moments of "maybe it's not so bad". Oioioi. I can certainly relate. Just keep in mind that it does get better, and you're actually starting off at a pretty good time. If nothing else, don't lose hope. Also, your support is much appreciated, Shodan. 
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| # ? Nov 10, 2011 04:01 |
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Yeah the whole adam's apple line is total BS. I haven't had any FFS done at all yet and I literally have nothing that you can see. @MageMage - For the love of god never NEVER try to OD on tranny drugs. You'll just end up pissing into a bag for the rest of your life.
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| # ? Nov 10, 2011 04:17 |
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Hi, I'm Jim, FtM, mid-twenties, living about 1 1/2 hours north of Philadelphia. I'm pre-hormones, surgery, legal name change, and I can't find clothes that fit because I am small. I have been having gender issues since puberty, but only came out to myself as a man a couple of years ago, after thinking of myself as genderqueer for a time. I am taking my time with transitioning because I feel like I have so much on my plate right now, and I am still young. I graduated college in May and right now I'm focusing on getting a second job and saving money to move out of my parent's house. I hope to settle in Philadelphia, but I think any city with good resources would be fine, since when I move I will focus more on transitioning. I am slowly collecting pieces of clothing, mostly jeans and T-shirts and a couple of binders. I am slow at pretty much everything I do! I mostly lurk on these forums. In fact, this is my first post, so I hope I didn't screw up. I do chat in IRC sometimes.
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| # ? Nov 10, 2011 05:41 |
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MageMage posted:I was thinking about selling it all and gently caress off to San Francisco but then I thought, "I'm going to find bigotry no matter where I go, will San Francisco be any different?". What I feel is, SF is a giant melting pot, and people can be bigots anywhere. What makes San Francisco any different? As somebody who has lived in a few different portions of the Bay Area, I can tell you this: SF proper is no place to be if you don't already have steady employment first. Alot of the folks in SF or Oakland assume that all trans* people are the kinds in the Tenderloin district, which means that everybody will assume you are either a sex worker or a shoplifter. Stick to the southern portions of the Bay Area, like San Jose or the peninsula, where the rent is much cheaper, a better variety of jobs are available, and you'll be treated slightly closer to everybody else, though you will still run into asshats every so often.
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| # ? Nov 10, 2011 05:55 |
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MageMage posted:I feel from what I've observed in my life, the quality of result is based on the confidence of the patient of the doctor whom is performing the surgery. Does that make sense? And if I feel like if I don't obtain it soon, I will lose that chance. I'm not narcissistic, but I want things to go perfectly. The only way I know that for sure, is based on the confidence by what I've researched.... MageMage posted:This is how a woman with this kind of physical problem is supposed to feel, right? MageMage posted:Can I ask what conditions were right for you? You don't have to answer _at all_. MageMage posted:If you could offer me a great piece of advice, how can one "not care" anymore? I think it's probably due to the fact that my life is going well in pretty much every other way possible. If I had to deal with a lot of other stressors in my daily life I think it would make the trans much more difficult to deal with. I get that you feel a lot of stress and powerlessness about being trans, so maybe try and focus on the things that you can make better. Maybe if you continue to improve your quality of life in other ways, things will start to fall into place. I don't know, was that a good answer? 
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| # ? Nov 10, 2011 06:03 |
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As a cisgendered ally who's always looking to learn more about what transfolk go through, I really love these threads and am glad you keep them going. Drama or not, they're wonderful resources that are generally positive and upbeat and a good place for people to come and get advice and encouragement. They're so much so I actually just got a gift account for a friend who confessed he struggles finding any trans-postive spaces online or off and it was making him discouraged and unhappy. If I can help him figure out how to use the cert (explaining it over AIM is wonky), I hope he finds you guys to be as positive and helpful as I always have! That is how good you all are. Keep on keepin' on.
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| # ? Nov 10, 2011 08:40 |
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MageMage posted:If you could offer me a great piece of advice, how can one "not care" anymore? Lexical Unit posted:That's a hard question. I used to care, I used to cry myself to sleep with thoughts of, "this will never go away." I'm not really sure how I moved past that, but one day I realized that at some point I had. I mean, sure I still suffer some bouts of body dysphoria. For example I still want breast augmentation and FFS. But most days I'm pretty OK with how I look and how my life is going. That sounds about right. I mean, in the beginning that "Oh god, I'll always be different/a freak/a tranny." thought was a big part of what stopped me from transitioning earlier. And even when I got over that I still carried it around with me, causing panic attacks and doubts because I'd never be the real thing and what's the point. I don't really know how but it slowly diminished and it's far from gone but it doesn't cast me into quite as deep a hole anymore. Usually. Getting ma'am'ed gave me a bit more peace of mind each time while I somehow managed to not let getting sir'ed tear that down. At least not permanently. And I think part of the problem, at least for me personally, was that I had this perfect image in my mind that of course I wasn't ever going to achieve. But neither will a lot of other (cis-)women. Maybe it was because I had never experienced such a thing as "body image" issues, but I seemed to cling to the dysphoria sometimes as an excuse to get overly upset about things that are perfectly normal to get upset about. Anyway, I think Lexical has a point, the better things are going outside of trans-issues the easier it is to accept the fact that "being trans" is something that'll always be there. It just won't define everything forever.
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| # ? Nov 10, 2011 09:57 |
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Um. Hi. I'm a 29y/o transwoman who's both unemployed in school, in Florida. I'm entirely unfascinating. Actually, I wanted to ask if anyone knew of resources in the Orlando area to help me. I'm pre-everything, and it's getting increasingly frustrating to not even know of a doctor or therapist to go see...
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| # ? Nov 10, 2011 15:30 |
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Hello. I guess I am a pre-anything transwoman in my late twenties living in Australia. I made a scant handful of posts in the last thread and spoke to a couple of poeple, but I made a fool of myself because I am an awkward idiot of a human being. I finally admitted to myself what I was earlier this year. I moved out of the rural hellhole I lived in, started seeing a therapist, started trying to fix the mess I made of my life after a lifetime of self-loathing denial. I thought things would get easier. There were a couple of times since I accepted things that I felt an actual sense of happiness and peace, and it was wonderful in a way I dont think I ever knew before. But now I can't find that anymore, I can't find the sense of hope that I felt, all I see is this complete disaster. I can't stop thinking how stupid and ugly and completely broken I am and nothing is ever going to change that. No one is ever going to accept me, i'm never going to be anything more than a pathetic, wretched joke trying to delude myself. I look in the mirror and I want to die because the grotesque body I see is never going to get any better. Sometimes I think about carving up my neck so I have an excuse not to speak and I don't have to listen to my awful voice. I know I shouldn't think like this, in therapy we go over it time and time again, but there is nothing else, there is no positives to counteract all this. You can only tell yourself that this is just negative, depressive thinking for so long before you need to face the possibility that maybe your reality really is that hopeless and ugly. I feel so completely helpless and alone. I don't know that I want to kill myself,but every night I hope that I won't wake up in the morning. I just want it to end, I want the misery and the anguish and the complete lonliness to be over one way or the other. I know other people here have had it worse than me and overcome more than this. I know I should toughen up and work it out. But I can't, and I don't think I ever will I'm sorry for this rambling whinging, but I don't really have anywhere or anyone else to talk to. I don't even know what I want from posting this. I guess I just want to say these things somewhere outside of my own mind for once.
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| # ? Nov 10, 2011 16:27 |
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Calabash posted:Hi, I'm Jim, FtM, mid-twenties, living about 1 1/2 hours north of Philadelphia. I'm pre-hormones, surgery, legal name change, and I can't find clothes that fit because I am small. I have been having gender issues since puberty, but only came out to myself as a man a couple of years ago, after thinking of myself as genderqueer for a time. Welcome to the thread! I can relate to a lot of what you posted, from formerly identifying as genderqueer to being too drat small to taking your time with transition. Always glad to see more dudes in here.
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| # ? Nov 10, 2011 16:39 |
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Never posted in the previous thread, so I'll just go ahead and introduce myself. 26 years old, preeverything FTM. I'm deeply, deeply in the closet outside of the internet. I come close to coming out now and then, but I have a kid, and I'm utterly terrified of being kicked out (I'm not on the lease) or losing custody of him. I can relate the the being small thing, too. I'm 5' even. Can't even find shoes in the grown sections, since I wear something like a men's size 5. On top of being teeny tiny, I have a gigantic chest for my height, which makes the few times I've tried to bind them down...interesting, to say the least. I ended up looking like a linebacker with the legs of a 12 year old. I did have a therapist at one point, but she ignored all of my concerns, and seemed more interested on pinning EVERYTHING EVER on my OCD and chronic depression. She supposedly specialized in gender issues, but was very adamant on 'normal' family life (asked if I'd married the father of my kid yet, every session). Pretty sure she'd have shut me down about being trans, since I'm about as gay as the day is long, and have typically 'feminine' hobbies and interests.
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| # ? Nov 10, 2011 17:30 |
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Redwolf posted:.
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| # ? Nov 10, 2011 17:55 |
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Hi new thread! Just wanted to peek in and say that amid all the doom and gloom and clinical depression stories, that by contrast I've been full time for... gently caress what like over two years now? Despite having to overcome religious brainwashing and being estranged from my family due to all of them being religious, I have a wonderful girlfriend and a lot of great friends (some of which I've even met through these very threads and the associated IRC channels!) and while the occasional dumb bullshit happens and I'm still not sure when or if I'll ever be able to get that genital inversion surgery that's all the rage, it's pretty awesome being post-transition, passing, and generally pretty darn happy with life  I hope I don't come off as braggadocious, it just seems like a lot of trans places are kind of like weather in that nobody really talks about things much unless things are going badly. Thanks everyone for keeping what has been the best trans community on the internet going through some seemingly endless and ridiculous drama, and here's to many TMTs to come Also a shoutout to the spiesluminati, celebrating 25 years and fsm knows how many hundred dollars of my money in the hands of slicehost for the express purpose of delivering intel to the patriarchy.
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| # ? Nov 10, 2011 18:12 |
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AngryRobotsInc posted:I did have a therapist at one point, but she ignored all of my concerns, and seemed more interested on pinning EVERYTHING EVER on my OCD and chronic depression. She supposedly specialized in gender issues, but was very adamant on 'normal' family life (asked if I'd married the father of my kid yet, every session). Pretty sure she'd have shut me down about being trans, since I'm about as gay as the day is long, and have typically 'feminine' hobbies and interests. That really sucks. Can I ask what general region you live in? Maybe I or someone else knows of another therapist who would be better. At least you seem to know that you don't have to be into monster trucks or whatever to be a real man, even if your therapist doesn't. Don't forget that!
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| # ? Nov 10, 2011 18:15 |
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Goatface Killa posted:That really sucks. Can I ask what general region you live in? Maybe I or someone else knows of another therapist who would be better. At least you seem to know that you don't have to be into monster trucks or whatever to be a real man, even if your therapist doesn't. Don't forget that! Southside Hampton Roads, Virginia. I know a couple places, and a clinic that could give me direction to more. Now it's just a matter of building up the courage to actually do something. And yeah. I tried being a Manly Man's Man for a bit in my hobbies, but screw it. I like to crochet and cross stitch, and grow flowers, so that's what I'm going to do with my time.
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| # ? Nov 10, 2011 18:23 |
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e.
Showcase SHODAN fucked around with this message at Apr 14, 2013 around 03:34 |
| # ? Nov 10, 2011 18:27 |
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AngryRobotsInc posted:Southside Hampton Roads, Virginia. I know a couple places, and a clinic that could give me direction to more. Now it's just a matter of building up the courage to actually do something. I think that there's an informed consent clinic in Richmond. There's a PDF of Virginia resources in the OP.
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| # ? Nov 10, 2011 18:37 |
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Kiwi Ghost Chips posted:I think that there's an informed consent clinic in Richmond. There's a PDF of Virginia resources in the OP. Richmond's a bit of a trek from the Southside (about a 1 to 2 hour drive, depending on route and traffic), especially since I don't drive. There's a clinic in Norfolk, that I know of that has support groups, helps with hormone scripts, and the like. Once I manage to get myself all psyched up to do something, that'll probably be my first port of call, since the buses go all over downtown Norfolk.
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| # ? Nov 10, 2011 18:50 |
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Yeah, Virginia isn't that great (except NoVa).
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| # ? Nov 10, 2011 18:53 |
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Redwolf posted:I look in the mirror and I want to die because the grotesque body I see is never going to get any better. Sometimes I think about carving up my neck so I have an excuse not to speak and I don't have to listen to my awful voice. That seriously sucks. I'm not trans but I've lived with serious depression for a long time now and have a lot of those kinds of feelings. Its good you are seeing a therapist but have you tried anti-depressants? Online they tend to have a bad rap but they can really help with ongoing long term issues. They aren't a magic bullet by any means but for me at least they gave me enough of a boost to get out of the killing myself pit and got me to a place where I could start making progress in life again. I hope things get better. quote:That sounds about right. I mean, in the beginning that "Oh god, I'll always be different/a freak/a tranny." thought was a big part of what stopped me from transitioning earlier. I think one part of this issue is that "successful" trans people are mostly invisible. When I was first coming out to myself I had similar "I'll always be different/gay/the fag" feelings but these days there are prominent gay people who have made it, so to speak. I know I will always have to deal with bigots and hardships that straight people don't have but I also have real proof that its not insurmountable. Other groups that face discrimination also have 'successful' members they can look too in their community. Trans people have a lot less of that and I think its a real shame. Its understandable that once people are done transitioning they want to get on with living their lives. And once life isn't defined by the more agonizing parts of transitioning like finding a doctor or dealing with constant severe body dysphoria it gets harder to relate to those issues and harder to connect with places or groups that are focused on those issues. Similarly with being gay now that I'm out I get less of a visceral connection with people who are still struggling in the closet, but while there is a strong gay community for post-coming out there isn't as much a post-transition community. So I think it is good that people for whom things are going pretty well are around and posting.
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| # ? Nov 10, 2011 19:11 |
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Sorry for not reading the thread up to this point or anything, i just wanted to say thisTeabiscuit posted:I feel like I contributed to society with my guide I wrote while drunk You're drat right! A friend of mine just got informed that she would be required to have the "Real Life Experience" for AN ENTIRE YEAR before recieving ANY hormonal treatments. So I decided to dig around for useful info on the NHS and transitions (I'll be damned if I'm gonna be expected to do that for so long too, I'm incredibly hairy it'd never work!) and bam, this document. Now I know about the existence of PALS and useful things like that, so thanks a LOT! Ugh, whoever came up with the RLE should be shot, because it's practically DANGEROUS TO YOUR HEALTH to the point that you may even find yourself in a situation where you'll be physically harmed by someone, or yourself.. Not to mention the mental stress. Uh, while I'm on the topic- anyone know if that "you must have a year of RLE before you get hormones" thing can't be protested against in some way? Could my friend talk to someone or some service about that? It'd be good to know. At least, if worse comes to worst she can self-med. GOD i hate society for putting people like us through this poo poo.
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| # ? Nov 10, 2011 19:22 |
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Showcase SHODAN posted:I always feel pretty guilty talking about how well things are going (aside from really brief mentions that are dwarfed in the shadow of some of my older, whiny postings), because there are so many doing badly and I've never felt like I deserved the really rare, awesome chance I was given and the happiness that came along with it. I can definitely relate, I do hope that anyone reading who feels jealous realizes that the reason we stick around is that we were you once and want to help you! Some things are luck, some things are work, and although trans is generally a huge pile of poo poo most of which you can't do much about, I can guaran-loving-tee anyone that the only semblance of happiness you will ever find in your fleeting existence is in being thankful for and showing gratitude for what you do have, even while fighting to get things you need and deserve that are denied to you.
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| # ? Nov 10, 2011 19:28 |
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AngryRobotsInc posted:I can relate the the being small thing, too. I'm 5' even. Can't even find shoes in the grown sections, since I wear something like a men's size 5. On top of being teeny tiny, I have a gigantic chest for my height, which makes the few times I've tried to bind them down...interesting, to say the least. I ended up looking like a linebacker with the legs of a 12 year old. One of my friends is about that height and was built like a pinup girl prior to transition. He shops in the kid/youth section (bonus: clothing is cheaper!) and double binds. If you're interested in taking T at some point, it should help with the whole chest issue as well, though I never thought he was disproportionate even before he was on T. I'm struggling with a similar experience right now with my prescribing doctor. She refuses to change my testosterone dose because I have chronic depression and likely ADHD. Instead she just preaches about Omega-3 oils and Vitamin D.  My therapist wasn't much better and kept trying to push me to relate to my family in a normative way despite having a really non-normative family. It was extremely aggravating. If you can, swap therapists. I feel so much better now that I don't deal with mine.Also, Redwolf, that sounds like depression to me, not just dysphoria. I'd encourage you to at least speak to your doctor or therapist about your options with regards to medication. It's unreasonable to expect to just make yourself better/happier through sheer force of will so please cut yourself some slack in that respect.
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| # ? Nov 10, 2011 19:31 |
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Meis posted:You're drat right! A friend of mine just got informed that she would be required to have the "Real Life Experience" for AN ENTIRE YEAR before recieving ANY hormonal treatments. Um, no. Presuming this was the doctor/therapist saying this, they were very, very wrong. According to the WPATH SoC, there's no listed requirement (or even suggestion) of time RTE before HRT can begin. None. The year of RTE and HRT is for surgery.
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| # ? Nov 10, 2011 19:31 |
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Sir Quetzal posted:I'm struggling with a similar experience right now with my prescribing doctor. She refuses to change my testosterone dose because I have chronic depression and likely ADHD. Instead she just preaches about Omega-3 oils and Vitamin D. I mean, vitamin D is great, but... I'm assuming she refuses to up your dose? Not having the right balance of hormones can easily contribute to depression... for example, just taking enough to suppress your estrogen but not really having a normal balance. That's just like PMSing all the time.
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| # ? Nov 10, 2011 19:38 |
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I just found out that my campus LGBT society is putting on a Transgendered remembrance week to raise awareness of transphobic violence, I'll be really interested on checking things out and seeing if they have any cool programs or panels that I can sit in on. Also I'm going to make an appointment with my university health clinic's gender specialized doctor so we can start talking about what we have to do to get me HRT, so I'm pretty happy at the moment.
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| # ? Nov 10, 2011 19:39 |
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Sir Quetzal posted:Also, Redwolf, that sounds like depression to me, not just dysphoria. I'd encourage you to at least speak to your doctor or therapist about your options with regards to medication. It's unreasonable to expect to just make yourself better/happier through sheer force of will so please cut yourself some slack in that respect. I've been getting treated for depression in some form on and off for a decade now, therapy, antidepressants and a couple of courses of ect. Probably would have helped things if at some point in all those years I had been able to admit what I really felt.
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| # ? Nov 10, 2011 19:40 |
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Goatface Killa posted:I mean, vitamin D is great, but... I'm assuming she refuses to up your dose? Not having the right balance of hormones can easily contribute to depression... for example, just taking enough to suppress your estrogen but not really having a normal balance. That's just like PMSing all the time. Pretty much. Now if only I could convince my doctor of this. I see her next week and will at least have a reading of my T levels (after being on T 6 months, we only checked them now, yep) assuming the lab didn't gently caress it up like last time. Granted, if I try to be assertive she just tells me I'm less optimistic than I used to be and blah blah somehow this is bad and means my T dose should stay where it is. And anti-depressants are off the table for now because I need to try other things first. I don't even know. Redwolf posted:I've been getting treated for depression in some form on and off for a decade now, therapy, antidepressants and a couple of courses of ect. Probably would have helped things if at some point in all those years I had been able to admit what I really felt. Ah my apologies! I interpreted your post as not being aware that depression may indeed be the issue. I know I expected my depression to go away completely because I figured out the "underlying issue" of me being trans... but that's not the case.
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| # ? Nov 10, 2011 19:47 |
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Serifina posted:Um, no. Presuming this was the doctor/therapist saying this, they were very, very wrong. According to the WPATH SoC, there's no listed requirement (or even suggestion) of time RTE before HRT can begin. None. The year of RTE and HRT is for surgery. Thanks for the info. I reckon that whoever told my friend about that was misinformed. I've passed the info on, hopefully this'll be helpful! thank you
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| # ? Nov 10, 2011 19:53 |
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Sir Quetzal posted:Ah my apologies! I interpreted your post as not being aware that depression may indeed be the issue. I know I expected my depression to go away completely because I figured out the "underlying issue" of me being trans... but that's not the case. I didn't expect it to be a magical fix, but I thought it was a first step. Not so much, as it turns out. Realising that i'm reaching for an unattainable goal and watching the only friends I trusted enough to tell abandon me has not been the experience I was hoping for.
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| # ? Nov 10, 2011 19:54 |
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Serifina posted:Um, no. Presuming this was the doctor/therapist saying this, they were very, very wrong. According to the WPATH SoC, there's no listed requirement (or even suggestion) of time RTE before HRT can begin. None. The year of RTE and HRT is for surgery.
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| # ? Nov 10, 2011 19:55 |
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Meis posted:Thanks for the info. I reckon that whoever told my friend about that was misinformed. I've passed the info on, hopefully this'll be helpful! thank you Lexical Unit posted:I've met multiple people that were denied HRT or a therapy letter because they refused RLE. Never put it past a doctor or therapist to ignore all codified practices, common sense, and human decency to do something utterly stupid for no apparent reason. It's also part of why I'm in school - I'm studying to, eventually, become a psychiatrist, myself. Admittedly, I've got a lot of years to go on this, but I want to be able to help people. Serifina fucked around with this message at Nov 10, 2011 around 20:06 |
| # ? Nov 10, 2011 20:01 |
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Redwolf posted:I didn't expect it to be a magical fix, but I thought it was a first step. Not so much, as it turns out. Realising that i'm reaching for an unattainable goal and watching the only friends I trusted enough to tell abandon me has not been the experience I was hoping for. Yeah that's completely understandable.
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| # ? Nov 10, 2011 20:07 |
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Serifina posted:I'm... not sure how much I trust doctors and therapists, a lot of times - which is why I have yet to see one myself, despite desperately needing to. Too many doctors seem to be uninformed about it - and that's not even counting those who are bigoted in one way or another. Serifina posted:It's also part of why I'm in school - I'm studying to, eventually, become a psychiatrist, myself. Admittedly, I've got a lot of years to go on this, but I want to be able to help people.
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| # ? Nov 10, 2011 20:11 |
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Lexical Unit posted:Yeah, I've never seen a endocrinologist because of it. The only one I was ever able to get an appointment with literally told me I had to be castrated before I could start HRT. And everything my therapist knows about trans people comes directly from talking with me. Thankfully he's always been understanding and open to learning. quote:I wish you the best of luck! The more trans-friendly therapists out there the better
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| # ? Nov 10, 2011 20:14 |
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Serifina posted:...seriously? Did they never hear of anti-androgens? Really? So yeah, here's my public service announcement: If you're trans and in the central Texas area, avoid Dr. Simona Scumpia because she's an idiot.
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| # ? Nov 10, 2011 20:28 |
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Wow. I'm pretty sure that's against ethical code there. But more than that, that's just lazy. Hormone treatment has been available for quite a time, and just not knowing and giving people bad advice or flat turning them away is just wrong!
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| # ? Nov 10, 2011 20:34 |
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AngryRobotsInc posted:And yeah. I tried being a Manly Man's Man for a bit in my hobbies, but screw it. I like to crochet and cross stitch, and grow flowers, so that's what I'm going to do with my time. I feel the same way. I'm going to do what I like and not worry about whether it's considered a "masculine" or "feminine" activity. I think I might also be gay but I am not really concerned with orientation at this point.
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| # ? Nov 10, 2011 21:24 |
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| # ? May 19, 2013 08:27 |
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Serifina posted:Wow. I'm pretty sure that's against ethical code there. But more than that, that's just lazy. Hormone treatment has been available for quite a time, and just not knowing and giving people bad advice or flat turning them away is just wrong! My Endo (also claiming to regularly treat trans patients) wanted me to go from my self-medding dose of 50mg Androcur down to TWO. Claiming that "Reducing T doesn't do that much anyway except less hair-growth." Thankfully I could talk him into a more reasonable plan of adjusting my dosage.
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| # ? Nov 10, 2011 21:40 |
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