ANGRY_KOREA_MAN posted:

We never really get that gross, like ever. However it wouldn't be uncommon for us to talk about sex or a favorite position or "man she went down on me for like 15 minutes it was so awesome!".. one of the comments last night that I made was something along the lines of "Yeah and shes the hottest girl I have ever gotten to have sex with, and I even like her a lot too, which is like, totally awesome" - talking about my new girlfriend.

I don't know, that sort of stuff doesn't seem objectifying in any way to me, but maybe not good for mixed company conversations.

LemonLimeTime posted:

The latter is perfectly fine.

Plom Bar posted:

Gonna have to disagree. The message behind "She's the hottest girl I've ever had sex with, and I even like her!" implies that her value is as an attractive sexual commodity first and a person second.

It definitely rubs me the wrong way, in any event.

Edit: Rereading that post, a good rule of thumb is that if you wouldn't say it in mixed company, there's probably no good reason to say it at all.

ANGRY_KOREA_MAN posted:

I just want to have sex with them because they are sexy, but I don't want to talk to them because they don't interest me.

Minimaul posted:

The more you explain the worse you sound. You should check out the feminism and misogyny thread. It's quite informative (read, don't post).


Ugh. This is the type of stuff you'll lose your friend for. Your friend is going through some big changes as a person and you're worried that you can't talk about getting blow jobs? Come on.

ANGRY_KOREA_MAN posted:

1. You are an idiot if you think I'm only worried that I won't be able to talk about blowjobs, I'm worried about losing my best friend in the world. That was simply an example to point out one instance of conversation we had that made me feel like things were changing.

2. I have read that thread cover to cover and I am a huge advocate of equality and women's rights. If you are telling me that its wrong to find somebody sexually attractive and not intellectually attractive then again you are being an idiot.

ANGRY_KOREA_MAN posted:

".. one of the comments last night that I made was something along the lines of "Yeah and shes the hottest girl I have ever gotten to have sex with, and I even like her a lot too, which is like, totally awesome" - talking about my new girlfriend.

True Fayth posted:

Yeah, that makes sense.

ANGRY_KOREA_MAN posted:

I don't understand what you don't understand.

I'm not trying to be argumentative or obtuse, but how is finding someone sexually attractive while also not finding them to be intellectually attractive is affecting womens rights or value in any way what so ever?

I assume then, that you would like to have sex with all of the friends that you find intellectually valuable to you?

Being sexually attractive and being an interesting human being that I want to communicate with are not mutually exclusive at all. Also it is not wrong to have sex with someone whom you have no desire to communicate with.

Plom Bar posted:

Gonna have to disagree. The message behind "She's the hottest girl I've ever had sex with, and I even like her!" implies that her value is as an attractive sexual commodity first and a person second.

It definitely rubs me the wrong way, in any event.

Edit: Rereading that post, a good rule of thumb is that if you wouldn't say it in mixed company, there's probably no good reason to say it at all.

ANGRY_KOREA_MAN posted:

Also it is not wrong to have sex with someone whom you have no desire to communicate with.

True Fayth posted:

Edited my post. Don't really feel terribly obligated to argue points with you. People are trying to point out "things you say that may offend said person", not "DEFEND THE SANCTITY OF A RELATIONSHIP" .

ANGRY_KOREA_MAN posted:

edit: I still don't understand how being excited that I get to have sex with a pretty girl and that I like her a lot is bad or offensive. We don't have to discuss it, but I'm still in the dark on this one if anyone cares.

ANGRY_KOREA_MAN posted:

I'm worried about losing my best friend in the world.

ANGRY_KOREA_MAN posted:

edit: I still don't understand how being excited that I get to have sex with a pretty girl and that I like her a lot is bad or offensive. We don't have to discuss it, but I'm still in the dark on this one if anyone cares.

ANGRY_KOREA_MAN posted:

I don't know, that sort of stuff doesn't seem objectifying in any way to me, but maybe not good for mixed company conversations.

ANGRY_KOREA_MAN posted:

but how is finding someone sexually attractive while also not finding them to be intellectually attractive is affecting womens rights or value in any way what so ever?

Plom Bar posted:

Your phrasing of it is problematic. "She's SO HOT, plus I actually kind of like her as a person!" implies which of those qualities you think is most important in your girlfriend. Now if you're shallow and have shallow tastes, fine, but phrasing it the way you did can very very easily be construed as "objectifying women".

minimaul posted:

Because you're defining their value on your sexual desires and that is dehumanizing and objectifying and horrible. It basically boils down to "I won't gently caress you, so I don't care." "I will gently caress you, but I don't care about you as a person." "I may care about you, but mostly I just want to gently caress you." This is how most of your statements came off as.

ANGRY_KOREA_MAN posted:

Edit: Yeah I have derailed enough it wasn't my intention to be talking about this at all. I'm genuinely interested in keeping my best friend and keeping our relationship fun and fruitful for the both of us. I have been reading this thread to learn some stuff (my knowledge on trans-anything was about 0)

Helena P Blavatsky posted:

Väestöliito in Helsinki (one of the larger fertility clinics in the city, for everyone else in the thread) actually has recently opened their gamete storage services to trans women. More needs to be done, but it's a start. And I personally made a very small contribution to this happening maybe! I posted it over in the fabgoons thread, but I'll repost it here since it's appropriate.

A Bloody Crowbar posted:

In less-than-happy news, my mom just told me she feels uncomfortable with me wearing girl clothing, makeup et al around her (we live together so I'm pretty much never not around her when at home) and that she feels like she's lost a son sand doesn't know how to deal with it. Out of respect I'm going to accept that until she comes around, but my biggest private outlet aside from when I'm with friends has pretty much been destroyed.

Welp.

RazorBunny posted:

Goatface, you should pick yourself up some Benadryl cream and dab it on the spots where the tape was. Or even mix it with some really good lotion (Aveeno is great for itching because it has colloidal oatmeal in it) and rub it into the itchy areas. Don't slather your incision sites of course.

Allergic-to-bandaids solidarity

Goatface Killa posted:

I've had a breakthrough! I am 90% sure I'm allergic not only to the bandaids, but also Neosporin. I did an at home spot test on my arms with the various ointments I've been slathering on my body, and it gave me a small reaction. I'm also mostly having rashes where there was either a band aid or neosporin.

But now I have slathered my body (aside from incisions and nips, obviously) in hyrdocortisone cream, eradicated neosporin from my routine (to be replaced with bacitracin) and plan to burn the neosporin in effigy.

I've been the most miserable, whiny transsexual for the past week. My advice to anyone getting any surgery, really, is find out your medical allergies in advance!

Goatface Killa posted:

I've been the most miserable, whiny transsexual for the past week. My advice to anyone getting any surgery, really, is find out your medical allergies in advance!

Lexical Unit posted:

Truth. It'd also be great if you could find out if morphine is effective on you or not, cause I found out the hard way that it doesn't do poo poo for me.

StealthArcher posted:

So. Um, I don't really know how to introduce myself for anything like this. You'll probably know why after a while, but.


Uh, well let's just start with some stuff I guess.

22, MtF Transgender, not out to anyone, for reasons that will be explained itp.

I've had this lingering in my mind at least at the forefront for over 6 years now, and have probably subconsciously felt it since I was 10-11, but I've never followed up on it or realized what it was.

I am the son/daughter what have you of two parents, both very Conservative before I was 7 and both very Fundie Christian ever since. I have kept up the facade of being Christian ever since I realized around 15 some things either rubbed who I was the wrong way (I'd guess I qualify as a mild Empath?) for the sake of myself mostly not being vilified in my own family. I finally shed my own quasi-Libertarian beliefs last summer, so maybe it was that that led to this? I'm too confused to tell right now.

I cannot come out, or start meds, or seek therapy or anything of the sort. My parents would find out, not a likely - a certainty, this town has maybe 7000 people in it - all very gossipy, aged (old retirement town for the most part with dying industry) and cliqued out to gently caress, I have no vehicle to go to another one, this town is devoid of work of most any kind, and I'm broke and struggling to find income at all (oh and my parents decided it was clearly just that I'm a lazy poor now, won't say that - "it's to motivate" - yeah bullshit, so higher rent charging time come April).

I cannot come out as either Atheist or Transgendered to these two, I will be kicked out without any remorse for the fact that I basically become homeless.

And to be quite frank with myself, I can say with 100% certainty my father will never change his mind, nor ever accept this. If I come out, I've lost him permanently. My mother could change but it'd be a long time. My sister is a wildcard, she clearly parrots my parents beliefs but is not really willing to discuss how much of them she believes.

Goddamn it I'm on a rant. Yeah, call me glad for my mental fortitude, because I don't know how I've made it through this with no suicidal thoughts.

And finally, well, transitioning is something I don't know if will ever even be possible. I have obviously gone through male puberty and well, Jesus H Christ. 5'7 289 lbs, 66" shoulder measurement, a bench press of over 600 lbs at one point, about as deeply baritone as you can get - I lucked out to hell if I was a cis male. Unfortunately this obviously means how the hell am I ever going to look even remotely female?


Honestly, I just wanted to tell somebody, keeping this as a known with only myself has gotten to hard the last while since I finally accepted it.

AbsoluteLlama posted:

This is basically me a few years ago. Down to the gossipy retirement town and all. You don't happen to live in Alabama do you?

StealthArcher posted:

And finally, well, transitioning is something I don't know if will ever even be possible. I have obviously gone through male puberty and well, Jesus H Christ. 5'7 289 lbs, 66" shoulder measurement, a bench press of over 600 lbs at one point, about as deeply baritone as you can get - I lucked out to hell if I was a cis male. Unfortunately this obviously means how the hell am I ever going to look even remotely female?

A Bloody Crowbar posted:

If I ever wanted to start exercising or something like, say, take a martial arts class (like i've wanted to for a while), should I wait until after hormones or, worst case, eventual surgery? I know I shouldn't be doing much muscle building now but I'd really like to start a healthier, more active lifestyle sometime!

LemonLimeTime posted:

Most cis women I know are roughly 5'5-5'9 so I don't see a problem in the height area. I'm 5'11 1/2 and I'm not worried (though plenty worried about other features) about my height. Judging by the fact you could bench press 600 lbs(yikes!) at one point I'm guessing the attribution to your shoulder length and weight is from working out a lot. In which case, uh, don't? Also it sounds like you're in a sticky situation in terms of trying to even starting HRT but if and when you do it can be known to melt away muscle in many cases.

StealthArcher posted:

At one point (and hell, that wasn't even that vigorous of working out, just a 5 month period). My genetic makeup gave me a literal mountain for a body build and natural baseline strength levels. Unfortunately the weight and shoulder measurement are what I am now, almost completely out of shape, although not overweight by much either. It's sadly my bone structure and probably ain't changing.

StealthArcher posted:

this town has maybe 7000 people in it - all very gossipy, aged (old retirement town for the most part with dying industry) and cliqued out to gently caress, I have no vehicle to go to another one, this town is devoid of work of most any kind, and I'm broke and struggling to find income at all (oh and my parents decided it was clearly just that I'm a lazy poor now, won't say that - "it's to motivate" - yeah bullshit, so higher rent charging time come April).

Lexical Unit posted:

I had my first therapy session in more than six months today because I've just been feeling totally overwhelmed lately. There's so many things going on in my life right now and I wish I could just take a week long vacation and sit on a tropical beach all day every day and eat nothing but oreos and do nothing but play board games with friends... or something.

I literally started bawling the moment I sat down on the couch and couldn't stop myself. As I was going over with my therapist all the things that were stressing me I realized that gender issues were simply not on the list, at all. Then I started laughing. It's a weird feeling to be laughing and crying at the same time.

Black Lighter posted:

Finally, a few days before my birthday (which is always ridiculously stressful anyway), I decided to treat myself and go out and buy a bra and some clothes. And they looked horrible on me. Now I realize that they were just lovely clothes, but I had a full-fledged meltdown on the spot. I had to call my therapist up bawling and gasping for air about how my ribcage was awful and how I would never, ever, ever look like a woman.

That was pretty embarrassing, but after the fact, it helped me realize something: That was the first time I'd ever really stressed about the trans stuff since I came out. Considering everything going on in my life, especially during that stretch, one trans-related breakdown in nine months is actually pretty good. Go me?

StealthArcher posted:

Fatkraken posted:

Whether you were trans or otherwise, I would tell you you need to get out of that town. If there's no work AND everyone is old AND your parents would not accept you for who you are, there's no reason to stay.

I don't know HOW one leaves town with no money in the US. In the UK I'd tell you to get onto jobseekers allowance and housing benefit and find a cheap share house to rent a room in, in the biggest city you can get to on a coach where there might actually be work. Without a job I don't know what your options are over there.