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Brainbread posted:This just in, don't be Trans* in Sweden. Your avatar matches my face upon reading this. What in the gently caress.
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| # ¿ Jul 5, 2012 16:56 |
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| # ¿ May 23, 2013 15:23 |
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Besesoth posted:
I know you don't mean anything by it but please don't refer to someone who is pre- or non-op as "not fully transitioned". You're fully transitioned when you feel/say you are, and it has nothing to do with the physical state of your genitals or anything else.
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| # ¿ Jul 5, 2012 17:34 |
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onecooldan posted:In better news, I had an excellent 4th of July party with all my friends and a few new ones! All of my friends are supportive and awesome, so I had an awesome bikini and sundress, as well as waterproof makeup. It felt really good to look how I identify with all of my friends and to have as much love and respect as they give me. I did get called the wrong pronoun many times, but I think that was from habit and the fact that I haven't picked a more suitable name yet. This is so fantastic. Glad to hear it! I'm somewhat bitter with my mom at this point. Her roommate has two small children (3 and 8). The 8-year-old was perfect on pronouns/name for a while; I don't even think she remembers me as anyone else. But now she is failing miserably at pronouns. And I know my mom misses a lot, especially when I'm not there. When I am there, she still doesn't really ever get it right; she conspicuously avoids using pronouns or gendered terms with me, instead using terms like "this one" or "this/my child" and so on. It's very rare for her to actually use a pronoun and even moreso for her to use the right one. She also consistently misgenders her partner, despite him constantly making it clear that he identifies as male and prefers masculine pronouns. I've had to clarify that fact to family members as well. It feels so frustrating for her to basically be undoing others' gendering of me because she can't make an effort to get this right, and while her partner claims he doesn't mind that she "just won't ever get it", I can't imagine he feels any differently. Also, when I brought up SRS to her (before I had an actual date beyond "in the next year") and asked if she wanted to come, she got this kind of horrified/disgusted/irritated look on her face and made excuses about how she couldn't afford it. When I offered to pay for her flight and room, then it was suddenly about how she just didn't have time. Which, given that there wasn't a real date involved, rings about as true as "I have to wash my hair that night." Once I got my actual date and told her about it, I got a similar look. Her partner tried to convince her to come, but again she just can't afford it, so sorry!  I'm going to have to have a talk with her, but I don't know that it'll do anything. I'd almost (almost) prefer open hostility to this passive aggressive garbage. At least then I'd know what was really going on.
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| # ¿ Jul 5, 2012 18:50 |
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Besesoth posted:This isn't a challenge, mind; I agree that I wrote thoughtlessly, and I apologize for that. But this is a state of being that wants a descriptor, and I can't find a better one. Like onecooldan, I disagree that this state needs a "descriptor". In the context of your post you could have used something like the term you did in the next sentence; "even after discovering his victim had a penis" would have been fine. You could also use "had not had SRS/bottom surgery", I suppose, but that feels like it still has a subtle expectation of SRS. It's true that pre/post/non-op all describe this state in terms of intent, and that's by design. Removing intent from the equation erases the person whose body you are describing. Dessert Rose fucked around with this message at Jul 5, 2012 around 18:57 |
| # ¿ Jul 5, 2012 18:54 |
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Karma Monkey posted:Is this a typo? Did you mean that your mom misgenders your partner? Because her misgendering her own partner is pretty bizarre. Sometimes I feel like I'm crazy because I do not understand people who claim to love someone refusing to do something as simple as use the name and gender they identify with. Is the concept of setting aside personal objections for someone's happiness really that out of fashion? I'm not saying people should be doormats out of love, but geez. I feel like we need a PSA campaign or something. No I totally do mean her partner. It really is bizarre. When I came home from the military, I couldn't gender him for six months, and then I heard her use "she" and thought, well, ok then. (I didn't just ask because I was still very much in denial about myself at that point. Couldn't have proof that someone has the right to determine their own gender, that might be the final crack in the dam...) Then when I came out he mentioned that he preferred masculine pronouns and I was like.. but... wtf??? And yeah, it does kind of feel like a control thing. Like how I eventually had to put my foot down about going back to school (lack of degree is hardly hurting me at this point) because she would take every opportunity to bring it up. She had a plan for my life and it just isn't going how she wanted; I think the fact that I'm so happy and moving forward with my life, as my life, probably bothers her on some level.
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| # ¿ Jul 5, 2012 19:33 |
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Besesoth posted:I disagree categorically, but it's abundantly clear that I'm in the minority, so I [was] going to stop posting. "This ruling establishes precedent that [further] endangers trans women who have not undergone SRS." Neutral on the intent score, treats it as a neutral surgical procedure one can elect to have or not with no bias toward one or the other. Correctly implies that the ruling establishes said procedure as a requirement to receive protections under law. We don't need a name for "people who have not had a medical procedure performed on them". It being "clunky" is a good thing - it makes it feel like maybe there's something wrong with your sentence. It's bad enough that if I ever make the news I'm going to be described as a "trans woman" whether or not my trans status has anything to do with the article. Now you want there to be another easy label they can throw in there that erases my personhood and reduces me to a physical object? "Dessert Rose, a trans SRS-unperformed woman, ate lunch at the cafeteria today..." I'll pass. If you want to talk about my genitals without involving my agency it should be difficult to word it in a way that "flows". And if it feels awkward to ask me about my intent so you can use those terms? That's because it is. quote:In the former situation, as I mentioned, the problem is one of being too specific - you're going to leave somebody out unless you just don't discuss the problem at all, which is a disservice of another kind. In the sentence above, "pre-op and non-op" leaves out people who are unsure whether they'll have surgery; "pre-op, non-op, and op-unsure" is closer, but leaves out transvestites; and so on. (And both privilege those who have had SRS by making them the default class.) Last I checked, crossdressers don't transition and are non-op by definition. (If one wanted SRS I think they'd have a pretty hard time finding a surgeon to do it, given the current RLE requirement. You kind of have to transition if you want SRS, for better or worse.) I don't think we need to worry about leaving them out of discussions about whether SRS has been performed or not, as they don't even have the option. In this context, if you want to include CDs, you could say "people presenting female who do not have a vulva". You're talking about genitals. It's not a topic that's generally discussed in polite conversation. Trying to give people the ability to discuss genitals without using words that describe, well, genitals, to get around the fact that it's not a polite topic to discuss, seems like solving the wrong problem. Also, using "pre-op and non-op" does not "privilege" those who have had SRS, for which a term does exist. Using that term in this context feels like it's privileging them, true! That's because in this context, people who have had SRS are being privileged above those who haven't. You're describing the unprivileged class. Dessert Rose fucked around with this message at Jul 5, 2012 around 23:15 |
| # ¿ Jul 5, 2012 22:59 |
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Besesoth posted:I continue to disagree on multiple fronts. But as I'm having trouble reading several parts of your response as meaning anything other than that you believe that a) I'm not really a trans woman or b) I'm not enough of a trans woman for my opinion to matter, I'm going to bow out of the discussion and the thread for now. Have fun. I... what? When did I imply that?  Your opinions (and mine) on this subject have absolutely nothing to do with the validity of your identity and I'm sorry for anything I said that made you feel that way. It certainly isn't how I feel. Dessert Rose fucked around with this message at Jul 5, 2012 around 23:20 |
| # ¿ Jul 5, 2012 23:16 |
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Surgery in three hours. At this point, I'm most excited to eat real food again.
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| # ¿ Aug 15, 2012 15:34 |
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magicaldinosaur posted:Congratulations and good luck, Dessert Rose! Tell us how it went afterwards! Also, what food do you want to eat when you're able to again? :3 
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| # ¿ Aug 15, 2012 15:40 |
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Also, Dr Bowers is insanely nice. So, if you're wondering who to go with. It's her.
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| # ¿ Aug 15, 2012 15:41 |
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Instant Sunrise posted:tbh, I can't think of a better way to celebrate than with a double-double with animal fries.  Thanks everyone. I'm sure it will go well, I'm in good hands
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| # ¿ Aug 15, 2012 15:45 |
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Everything went perfectly, can't wait till they take the dressing off tomorrow. Pain kind of sucks still but it's getting better
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| # ¿ Aug 16, 2012 19:50 |
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Dressing came off this morning. Looks beautiful. Pain's almost gone, too! So, so happy
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| # ¿ Aug 17, 2012 16:30 |
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Tweek posted:What drugs they got you on?
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| # ¿ Aug 17, 2012 18:07 |
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Released from hospital today. Marci is exceptionally proud of my surgery. The word "godly" was used. I guess that's a good sign I'm pretty happy with it myself! And it's nice to finally be out of that bed (and right into a different one) Catheter comes out Tuesday, and then I get to start the magic that is dilation. Can't wait 
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| # ¿ Aug 18, 2012 20:36 |
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Thanks all . I'm definitely not going to neglect dilation! This last week has been a huge trial, to say nothing of the rest of my transition, and I'm not going to give up my prize at the home stretch. I can hardly believe I'm through the hard part, that I'm finally here. It feels amazing. Now all that's left is the living (which some would say is the true hard part)Two years ago I thought all of this would be impossible. As recently as six months ago SRS was still just a dream, it was never going to happen. And now, I have been living as myself full time for almost a year, I'm completely comfortable presenting as a woman, and I'm happier than I could ever have imagined. And I'll never have to tuck again. It gets better. It takes time to get better, and there will be times when you just want to give up, when everything seems against you. But, life goes on, and every day you live true to yourself is a day further from the shadow of who you were. A day that you existed. Don't get hung up on the little things, but remember that they matter. Fix the ones you can control; I can't count how many times I felt "too depressed to shave" for days, only to find that my depression lifted immediately when I finally did. But you can't control other people, so don't let them control you. It may seem unfair - and it is! - but you don't have to let that stop you from feeling good about you.
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| # ¿ Aug 19, 2012 01:44 |
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DeadlyMuffin posted:Pictures of any surgery are pretty stomach turning. Especially when you picture yourself getting worked on. But I love it, mess and all.
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| # ¿ Aug 19, 2012 01:49 |
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SuddenConsequences posted:Okay that's technically not wrong but penile inversion depends on how much source material is there and according to my surgeon a circumcision almost always means they have to use a transplant. Which is not a catastrophe and the eventual outcome is the same but it does come with additional risks. So to echo Helena P Blavatsky, please think before blurting out "facts".
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| # ¿ Aug 19, 2012 14:47 |
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AppleSeason posted:Ok. I'm getting a five sessions summer deal for full face before prices go up. If it slows down the growth or makes the shadow less visible, it should be an improvement. My shadow was impossible to cover even with makeup for six months. That was depressing as hell.
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| # ¿ Aug 19, 2012 14:52 |
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AppleSeason posted:My history, too. Not a man, but also not the opposite. Yet talking with somebody from the local TG association, she kept telling me "Those thoughts are incredibly common in TS women, even you don't identify as one". "I don't feel like a woman, I don't even know what 'feeling like a woman' would be, I just know I don't feel like a man" was mine. And now look what a girly girl I am. AppleSeason posted:Mine sucks too, although in a different way: It won't ever cover my face and you could count the total number of hairs without problems, and it won't grow more than a few milimeters after 5 weeks.. Should be quite easy to remove (I hope).
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| # ¿ Aug 19, 2012 18:56 |
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That photo says to me that you could benefit from laser and it would work really well and not be overkill. Certainly my situation was far, far worse. As for the "I want to retain ..." things - I felt that way too. I didn't want to become a different person, or have my friendships altered. But it's inevitable that this will happen as you become more true to yourself. I heard it in a shameful place (fanfic lol) but what rings true to me is that I was "like a puzzle put together the wrong way" - the pieces were all there, just jumbled, incongruous. When I transitioned, I went through a lot to put them together the right way. I stopped liking some things and started liking others; some things I liked, I found new reasons to like when the old ones didn't fit anymore. The way I interact with people is different, my relationships feel different. But there is a core "me" that didn't change. My sarcastic wit is less abrasive because I'm not using it as a defense mechanism. My intelligence isn't as annoying because I don't feel the need to use it to put others beneath me. I still fall back on those old habits, but they feel wrong to me and make me sad when I catch myself in them, because I know they aren't really me, they aren't what I want. It's hard to let go of what you think is yourself, but if it's really you, it won't go away. And people like authenticity. They can tell when something's off. At least in my experience, all of my friends knew there was something not quite right about me, though they couldn't articulate what. I definitely can relate to that feeling of wanting to be able to go back. But at some point I realized I wouldn't ever want to. I'm not as much of a lesbian as I thought I was, either; that scared me too, but now it's like... So what? Maybe guys are fun. If I like them, then why should I deny that to myself? Dessert Rose fucked around with this message at Aug 19, 2012 around 21:21 |
| # ¿ Aug 19, 2012 21:19 |
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Teabiscuit posted:Voice sucks because it requires actual sustained effort on my part. Getting out of bed in the morning is an ordeal never mind practising something I hate everyday. I wish I had motivation.
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| # ¿ Aug 21, 2012 18:22 |
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I froze stuff but it turns out we may have "lucked out" in the two-week HRT pause before SRS. If so, that baby is loving magical, and we are doing everything we can to keep it.
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| # ¿ Aug 22, 2012 21:07 |
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Butt Soup Barnes posted:Hey how's the healing going by the way? It's been about a week right? I leave Cali on Saturday, I'm so ready to. Got the catheter out Tuesday, it wasn't painful at all really. Certainly not compared to having it in for a week! Dilating is an experience. Somewhat painful at first, kind of messy... But there's something just magical about it. Almost transcendent. I still don't really have any sensation and it's still kind of a mess visually. But it's healing, bruising is starting to fade, it doesn't hurt as much to walk. Still need to use painkillers semi-liberally, and I will be so happy to get back to my more "natural" painkillers at home. It's supposed to be visually at its worst a week after I get home. But it's already looking like I've passed that valley and have started my final path to healing. I'll see what riding in a plane does though! She does about four of these a week and there are only a couple of well recommended places to stay, so it's kind of fun to hang out around the pool with the other girls from my week. We all give each other knowing smiles
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| # ¿ Aug 23, 2012 02:00 |
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Teabiscuit posted:Stop smoking weed.
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| # ¿ Aug 23, 2012 04:08 |
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AppleSeason posted:Cali in Colombia? There is a SRS specialist working there?
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| # ¿ Aug 23, 2012 06:56 |
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Showcase SHODAN posted:I'm sure she -- and lots of people -- would love to. I kind of meant surgery in general, too, not just SRS. Pretty sure they all involve painful recovery. AppleSeason posted:Oh, poo poo. Still lacking a complete sense of tact and not being able to see it. In the end though, I figured no matter what it ended up looking like, it'd still be better than what I had there already. And that's true right now, even as messy as one week post looks, and it'll (probably) only get better from here
Dessert Rose fucked around with this message at Aug 24, 2012 around 03:59 |
| # ¿ Aug 24, 2012 03:40 |
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god, this is a post I'm going to close my eyes as I click "submit", but I sure as hell didn't know any of this until I actually went through SRS, so maybe someone else cares: Vaginal scent is primarily determined by native bacteria. If you've got an infection, that's what makes it smell bad. If you don't have an infection, then it's all "good" bacteria in there. They have a scent too, it's what a healthy vagina smells like. They prevent bad bacteria from establishing themselves. Immediately after SRS, there aren't any bacteria to speak of in there at all. So part of dilation for the first week or so is to apply an antibacterial gel that will kill off "bad" bacteria and hopefully leave enough of the good ones to establish, as Dr. Bowers puts it, a "natural vaginal flora". (That woman has a way with words, let me tell you.) After that, you stop so you don't kill off good bacteria, and go by smell to determine if you need to use the gel again. Eventually you're populated enough to not have to worry about it. Everything I had read about this before basically said that I'd be douching for the rest of my life to handle this. But actually, all that's doing (in anyone's vagina) is removing all bacteria and preventing the good bacteria from taking hold. Once they establish themselves, it's hard for an infection to take hold and it does kind of clean itself. (for an SRS vagina, that's part of why dilation is necessary daily - ours won't clean themselves without self-lubrication so dilation helps push that out.) Well that's a whole lot of stuff about vagina scent you probably didn't want to know. Hope this helped. I'm sure hormones, and sweat smell, have something to do with it too. I know I smell different when I sweat now than I did before HRT.
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| # ¿ Aug 29, 2012 18:27 |
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Lexical Unit posted:No, don't! I was pretty sure that somewhere in Dr. Bowers' take home documents it said not to douche. Yeah, there is a perfectly natural biosystem that develops in every healthy vagina, natal or otherwise. Yes, I read those documents many times while waiting to get released. And while waiting for the catheter to come out. that's what I was saying, though, that I had seen that basically everywhere, and it turns out no, we're (all) more awesome than that.DeadlyMuffin posted:It's the proper medical term: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vaginal_flora Well, the more you know.
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| # ¿ Aug 30, 2012 23:18 |
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xov posted:
I call this bluff-claiming cis privilege. It's awesome because it works off how being misgendered is an enormous insult to a cis person so most people will fall over themselves to apologize rather than call your bluff. And if they do call your 'bluff' well then they've just clarified that they're actually assholes. At least when you feel like crap for hours it's because of someone else being an rear end in a top hat and not because you didn't stand up for yourself. I find it's much more exasperating when people who have known me for years miss, because I have to navigate that sea of uncertainty when confronting them about it, especially the first time.
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| # ¿ Aug 31, 2012 21:20 |
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Kevin Bacon posted:She told me to contact her if any problems popped up. It's pretty late here so I sent her an email and hope she gets back to me soon. Could there be any permanent damage? Just how much should I be freaking out? It wasn't pretty. But now it is talk to your tech for sure, but don't panic.
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| # ¿ Aug 31, 2012 21:32 |
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xov posted:Hear, hear. All it should really take, in a perfect world, is you saying "I would prefer that you call me this. I know it's tough, but the more you do it, the easier it will get, so don't be afraid. Each time you call me by my name and proper pronouns, you're making me feel so happy, you have no idea." I got misgendered at work in an email and I went over to the guy's office and said "hey, um, you missed a letter in that email you sent. Just one letter, but it's kind of a big deal to me" and he was completely horrified that he'd missed and told me that if he ever does it again, I should come into his office and actually physically slap him. My coworkers are so nice
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| # ¿ Aug 31, 2012 21:36 |
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Teabiscuit posted:Here is me cosplaying an overweight goon You look fantastic FYI.
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| # ¿ Sep 2, 2012 07:10 |
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Butt Soup Barnes posted:So my first laser session was two weeks ago and I'm seeing a decent amount of shedding.
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| # ¿ Sep 2, 2012 21:22 |
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blakout posted:My girls going into surgery in less then 24 hours someone hold me. (After a month of hating life.)
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| # ¿ Sep 5, 2012 09:38 |
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Directorman posted:This is a super long thread, so apologies if this has been talked about somewhere, but I'd be interested in hearing from folks who have transitioned slightly later in life (24, 25, etc) this is from like two pages ago, but I started transition at 27 and my experience mirrors yours in a lot of ways. I fetishized the hell out of my femininity and really hosed myself up for a long time. As for "signs": I spent a good chunk of my life playing female characters in games, "pretending" to be a girl online, identifying with girls/women. Always felt like women's clothes were so much better looking / more interesting and oh, if only I got to wear that dress with those boots, but guys can't wear that stuff so OH WELL. Minor things like taking interest in makeup. And I sure did love me some Ranma 1/2. Totally the luckiest guy alive. Couldn't understand his problem, I'd never need hot water. Girls got the better end of the deal anyway, especially in sex. Having a vagina just seemed obviously superior in every way. At one point my mom asked me point blank if I wanted to be a girl, but I was already too afraid to tell her the truth, so I hedged with "Only if I could change back". I knew I wasn't trans anyway. I wasn't really a girl, I just wished I was. I didn't feel like a woman, I don't even know what that means. I don't feel much like a man either, I just feel like me. Then I started putting myself in situations where it'd be impossible for me to transition. Joined the military, learned to more or less hide it (it turns out no one was really fooled, as I learned when I came out to them), got myself into long term relationships with anyone who would date me... Once I was out of the military, I happened to end up in a D&D game with a trans woman. That's kind of what did it for me; over time I was like, hey, everyone here is treating her like she's just a normal person, no one thinks she's crazy. I could have friends and actually live my life. I started taking steps toward transition and it just snowballed. Now it's so obvious that I'm a woman I don't know how I managed to deny it for 26 years.
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| # ¿ Oct 10, 2012 21:07 |
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Teabiscuit posted:I wish people would stop jerking off in skirts. Stop it. You get to transition in the naughty corner if you do it again
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| # ¿ Oct 10, 2012 23:32 |
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teh winnar! posted:The other day, I was discussing with a friend how frequently I talk about trans issues with others. It's like I have a mental counter of how much I can talk about my tran before it's too much. That counter, BTW, has a very low threshold because something in the back of my mind doesn't want it to be all I discuss. For the first six months or so of my transition, any conversation with me that lasted longer than about twenty minutes would end up being about the trans. It was horrible.
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| # ¿ Oct 17, 2012 19:42 |
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RumbleFish posted:Man, I must be really lucky -- my friends never bring up my trans status. About the only thing I can recall being said about it recently was when a bartender misgendered me, and someone later asked, in private, how I deal with that. Like most people, they're probably curious about some things, but so far they've had the sense and decorum to not bring it up unless I mention it first. Oh, no, they didn't bring it up. It'd always be me, derailing some conversation about video games or whatever else into trans issues. They were always very understanding about it, but I couldn't help but feel like they were all just humoring me and were secretly SO TIRED OF HEARING ABOUT IT. I know I was.
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| # ¿ Oct 17, 2012 21:37 |
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| # ¿ May 23, 2013 15:23 |
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merrilyx4 posted:@ Electrolysis and then you have people like me who are on laser treatment 9 or 10 and still have tons of hair to hit. Ow ow ow ow ow 
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| # ¿ Oct 24, 2012 17:12 |
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