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I don't know why I saw this, perhaps out of genuine masochistic desire. The first three were hilariously terrible (even without the rifftrax), so I never expected to take this movie seriously. I'm glad I didn't. It was every bit as clumsy, overly melodramatic and misogynistic as the first three and then some. One of the very first scenes plays out exactly like this: Vampire heart throb tells her he's murdered dozens of people in the past, without blinking or batting an eye she continues staring up at him in absolute marvel. The very next exchange of words almost literally made my mind explode at how lovely the dialogue was. Him: I told you about that so you would stop wanting to be a vampire. Her: I know I can do it. Do you know how I know? Because you did it. Him: ... Her: You should give yourself more credit for it. So in one sentence she completely dismisses it by saying if he can do it she can do it, then she tells him it's special? What the gently caress? Either she's the biggest idiot alive or she's a megalomanical mastermind who just wanted to pay herself a huge compliment?! Wait for the rifftrax to come out for this if you want to see it, I guess. 1/5 stars for the unintended laughs. People in the theater were laughing at things I don't think were intended (or were if they're secretly comedic geniuses)
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| # ? Nov 23, 2011 19:10 |
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| # ? May 21, 2013 08:08 |
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Marvelous mastery of multimedia mediocrity! My middling mentality miniaturizes at this magnificent mindset made manifest!
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| # ? Nov 24, 2011 15:16 |
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It's impossible to compare this movie to a real story, since it just aims so low. It's pronography for 13 year old fat goth girls, and hence has to be rated as such. And even at that it fails. Compared to other films where people fawn over vampires, this is indeed the weakest one ever created. Edward is weak, wimpy, pale and broody. Bella is indistinguishable from a dead person. And the "Embrace" is literally clinical. I used a World Of Darkness word there, since this series lifted clean several aspects from it that weren't made up on the fly for plot points. So where's the romance? Even as a love story for two dopey people this fails horribly. Even amoung twilight movies this fails. Twilight movies are basically this: Fawn over Edward, something wants to kill Bella for some reason. Well take that, inflate it twice as long, and cut it in half. You now have Breaking Yawn Part 1. 0/5
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| # ? Mar 8, 2012 17:47 |
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I came in with low expectations, but I thought the movie felt fresh and was good breezy fun. 3.5/5.
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| # ? Jun 3, 2012 04:13 |
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There is nothing cinematic in the entire film. Lazily shot and more reminiscent of a soap opera than a movie, this first installation of the last installation of Twilight franchise lacks suspense, logic or any sense of adventure. The first hour of talking heads suddenly twists into a traumatic teen pregnancy/anti-abortion clusterfuck. If you assume that the entire movie is about fanservice, then this movie is beyond rational review. If you look at it as a movie, it's a soulless, extremely boring, way too long piece of illogical dialogue. 0/5
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| # ? Apr 9, 2013 04:59 |
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