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Debbie Metallica
Jun 7, 2001




Your all purpose Food Network bitching thread, specially designed for people who:
* Don't cook, really
* Don't even care about eating half the poo poo on these shows
* Don't really like any of these chefs
* Don't ever want to hear about Extreme Cake Challenges again
* Want Ham on the Street back

I briefly considered making a big-effort OP listing all celebrity chefs and popular shows but let's loving face it: we know who these people are, we know we hate a large percentage of them, and anyway we



Where was I?

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Yoshifan823
Feb 19, 2007

I'm very poor. Having a checking account would be an honor. I've written a zombie book. It's terrible. I'm a slow runner. I'm obsessed with karate.


The unofficial rule of the topic is Alton Brown is awesome.

oatgan
Jan 15, 2009

what's up


I used to watch Food Network for hours a day and never enjoyed a minute of it.

Eat poo poo Guy Fieri and Rachel Ray's laugh.

Debbie Metallica
Jun 7, 2001




Yoshifan823 posted:

The unofficial rule of the topic is Alton Brown is awesome.

Actually? I've never had a recipe of his work out when I've tried it.
But I still enjoy watching Good Eats here and there.

Yoshifan823
Feb 19, 2007

I'm very poor. Having a checking account would be an honor. I've written a zombie book. It's terrible. I'm a slow runner. I'm obsessed with karate.


I Ozma Myself posted:

Actually? I've never had a recipe of his work out when I've tried it.
But I still enjoy watching Good Eats here and there.

I just tonight made his Baked Mac and Cheese, which I've used multiple times before, and it is always delicious. I also cook my steaks the Alton Brown way (Cast iron, 30 second sear on each side, 2 minute bake on each side, let it sit for 15 minutes and not a minute less, no seasoning other than salt and pepper).

Even if the recipes don't work, you learn so drat much about food and science just watching it. And Alton legitimately cares about food and teaching people about cooking. I saw him speak a few months ago (and got a book signed!), and he's very opinionated (and I don't always agree with him).

Declan MacManus
Sep 1, 2011



Yoshifan823 posted:

The unofficial rule of the topic is Alton Brown is awesome.

I'm okay with this.

I like Chopped, Good Eats, Sweet Genius, and Sugar High is okay.

Other than that I just leave it on as background noise and get vaguely upset at it.

FlamingLiberal
Jan 18, 2009

DAMMIT WESLEY!!!


I watch a lot of Chopped with MY GIRLFRIEND. We're also watching The Next Iron Chef: Super Chefs or whatever it's called.

I swear Scott Conant or whatever his name is has to be the fussiest judge ever. One minute he won't eat red onion, the next he's complaining about the contestants' pasta, and then he's whining about red bell pepper or another thing he just can't eat.

Debbie Metallica
Jun 7, 2001




Alex G's the worst part of chopped/anything FN, hands down.

FlamingLiberal
Jan 18, 2009

DAMMIT WESLEY!!!


I Ozma Myself posted:

Alex G's the worst part of chopped/anything FN, hands down.
Scott is so, so much worse. At least from what I've seen. Although you're right that Alex can be unnecessarily picky with her complaints. It really depends.

Elliot Rosewater
Feb 15, 2005
Squee!

I Ozma Myself posted:

Alex G's the worst part of chopped/anything FN, hands down.

Alex having a disaster every other week on Next Iron Chef has been amusing at least.

I kind of like her. Dunno why.

Vanderdeath
Oct 1, 2005

God was a dream of good government.



I Ozma Myself posted:

Alex G's the worst part of chopped/anything FN, hands down.

Guarnaschelli's random surliness is what makes her such a good judge. She can like your dish one second then absolutely dismantle the next in a barrage of criticism. I like her better than Freitag, at least.

intensive purposes
Jul 1, 2009


I was wondering when this thread would pop up somewhere again--used to be in GWS. I would normally say Sandra Lee (of Semi-Homemade) is the worst, but the fact that she is some sort of gay icon pushes her just above Guy Fieri in terms of likeability.

Debbie Metallica
Jun 7, 2001




Why did no shirt/no bra under a jacket have to become a "thing?"

Zeluth
May 12, 2001



I Ozma Myself posted:

Actually? I've never had a recipe of his work out when I've tried it.
But I still enjoy watching Good Eats here and there.

This makes me laugh. Agreeing with he makes things too complicated.

When at another place, I get to see the cooking channel. So far I think it is Food Network repeats ie: too much Bobby Flay.

robot roll call
Mar 7, 2006

dance dance dance dance dance to the radio


From where I am usually standing at my job I can see a TV that is only ever tuned into the Food Network. All I can say is Giada DeLaurentis bending over whatever she's making has gotten me through some very trying times.

Declan MacManus
Sep 1, 2011



robot roll call posted:

From where I am usually standing at my job I can see a TV that is only ever tuned into the Food Network. All I can say is Giada DeLaurentis bending over whatever she's making has gotten me through some very trying times.

If you could hear her speak you'd probably change your tune.

Guy Fieri is obviously at the bottom of the totem pole, but I also hate Bobby Flay for some reason that I can't put my finger on. I think it's his douchey face.

Vanderdeath
Oct 1, 2005

God was a dream of good government.



I miss Molto Mario and Mario Batali in general. He needs a new show. Watching Molto Mario reruns in the dead of night got me interested in cooking, along with reruns of Good Eats and the Galloping Gourmet.

Excession
Dec 18, 2004


FlamingLiberal posted:

I watch a lot of Chopped with MY GIRLFRIEND. We're also watching The Next Iron Chef: Super Chefs or whatever it's called.

I swear Scott Conant or whatever his name is has to be the fussiest judge ever. One minute he won't eat red onion, the next he's complaining about the contestants' pasta, and then he's whining about red bell pepper or another thing he just can't eat.

This is me as well. Scott sure uses the spices they did or didn't use to be a little bitch. He will mark them daown if they didnt add salt which I think is stupid. Not everything needs salt in it.

It may just be me but I think Alex is partial to the female contestants more than the males. Not all the time but more often than not. Even my boyfriend has commented on it.

Conduit for Sale!
Apr 17, 2007



Excession posted:

Not everything needs salt in it.

Yes, it does.

ElectricSheep
Jan 14, 2006


I Ozma Myself posted:

Why did no shirt/no bra under a jacket have to become a "thing?"

I'm just going to imagine that she was pounding down cocktails before the shoot and forgot to wear either.

The Triumphant
Sep 2, 2011

Yeah, I've seen Robocop. Bitches, leave.

I Ozma Myself posted:

Actually? I've never had a recipe of his work out when I've tried it.
But I still enjoy watching Good Eats here and there.

The nice thing with Brown is that he's not just trying to teach you how to cook a certain dish, but teach people a lot about how to cook in general and how their food actually works.

I pretty much always picture Rachel Ray the way Nice Pete Does: http://peterhcropes.blogspot.com/20...-ray-lives.html

"Oh god how awful, how awful to live with Rachael Ray. How awful to watch what happens. How awful to eat what happens."

SpliffClavin
Jul 31, 2007

It's a little known fact that the term 'munchies' originated during the Irish Potato Famine.

I'll probably be discussing Next Iron Chef every week. This season is pretty ridiculous, what was up with the secret ingredient last week? Bagels aren't an ingredient, they are an already prepared food. Also, that good african guy got robbed in the elimination part, he did screw up the chairman challenge though.

Hope this thread stays alive, I love/hate Food Network.

LoG
Mar 9, 2004

CHOMP


Can we talk about Cooking Channel too? Because I want to beat Nadia G to death with a fish.

IRQ
Sep 9, 2001


I Ozma Myself posted:

Actually? I've never had a recipe of his work out when I've tried it.
But I still enjoy watching Good Eats here and there.

Alton Brown could make a recipe for toast that has 40 steps and takes 3 hours.

ashpanash
Apr 9, 2008

I can see when you are lying.


I've found that Alton Browns taste buds and my own don't quite match up. He still was an invaluable help in getting me to start understanding - and loving - to cook.

Vakal
May 11, 2008


Chopped usually ends up making me angry, but I can't help but watch it whenever it's on.

Back in the spring they sort of had a tournament of champions which involved past winners, some professionals and even the judges themselves as competitors.

I recommend checking it out if you can find the episodes, especially the one with Robert Irvine vs Anne Burrell. You can really tell the difference between a real chef and the random jerk-offs they normally have on the show.

ashpanash
Apr 9, 2008

I can see when you are lying.


My big problem with Chopped has always been the predatory editing style. It's just flat-out obnoxious.

Not only do they do the "commercial right before reveal" trick, which is common, if you pay attention to the way the whole show is edited, you can get infuriated. The wall-to-wall music is grating, and judging always happens like this: triumphant music plays, judges say good things about a dish, then the judges will throw in a "however" and the music abruptly switches to desperation as they nitpick some thing and show a camera shot of the contestant probably reacting to something 20 minutes ago.

All that having been said, I kind of like the show in spite of these things, I just wish it wasn't so transparently condescending.

Vakal
May 11, 2008


ashpanash posted:

My big problem with Chopped has always been the predatory editing style. It's just flat-out obnoxious.



Plus, just before the final judging results, if they show a clip with the contestant saying "I'm positive I'm going to win!", he will always lose. And they do it every single episode.

Good Listener
Sep 2, 2006

Ask me about moons
Fact #1 The Moon is really cool

We've been using Alton Brown's recipe for brining turkeys on Thanksgiving the last couple years and they have been progressively better each time.

I do love me some food network though. I like watching the Unwrapped type shows the best I think if only because they're fun to see how things are made/GIANT versions of food.

If the Cooking Channel is also a part of this discussion I will say I resent the fact they don't seem to show the original Iron Chef as much as they used to. Love me some Iron Chef, not so much the American one though for some reason.

Jamesman
Nov 19, 2004

"First off, let me start by saying curly light blond hair does not suit Hyomin at all. Furthermore,"


I used to really like Food Network, but it's just gotten so unbearably awful within the past year or two. I blame it on the cancellation of Ace of Cakes.

I also used to really like the cake challenges they had, but now they feel the need to make it less about the work and more about throwing in these pointless twists and mini-challenges and it's really annoying and I don't like it anymore.

And I'm sick of there being so many "Let's go around America to check out all these restaurants!" shows. Thankfully I'm pretty sure Outrageous Foods is canceled, but there's still like 5 others floating around. The only ones I like are Kid in a Candy Store and Crave because the guys on them are entertaining and the formats are different.

I could complain about Food Network for hours.

Debbie Metallica
Jun 7, 2001




LoG posted:

Can we talk about Cooking Channel too? Because I want to beat Nadia G to death with a fish.

The schtick gets old fast. I watched plenty of episodes before I realized she had yet to make anything that truly sounded appealing to me.


Jamesman posted:

I also used to really like the cake challenges they had, but now they feel the need to make it less about the work and more about throwing in these pointless twists and mini-challenges and it's really annoying and I don't like it anymore.

I imagine it must be frustrating for professionals to see- the earlier ones certainly had screwups, but since they had fewer curveballs there was more of a contest with the final version. If they're not asking for "extreme elements" they're finding ways to torture people and it's tedious. If they find that people are less interested in the cake shows, maybe just don't show so goddamn many of them? I

Vakal
May 11, 2008


Another Food/Educational show I would like to recommend is The Supersizers Go...

It wasn't a Food network original, but it did air sometimes in the early morning on the channel.


The premise of the show was that the two host would adopt the lifestyles of people from specific eras in the past and show how they lived and what food they ate.


It sounds boring, but it was really quite funny and entertaining. It didn't run for very long, but you can easily find the episodes on youtube.

Declan MacManus
Sep 1, 2011



Good Listener posted:

If the Cooking Channel is also a part of this discussion I will say I resent the fact they don't seem to show the original Iron Chef as much as they used to. Love me some Iron Chef, not so much the American one though for some reason.

Iron Chef America lacks Hiroyuki Sakai being awesome and Masaharu Morimoto being weird as gently caress.

Jamesman
Nov 19, 2004

"First off, let me start by saying curly light blond hair does not suit Hyomin at all. Furthermore,"


I Ozma Myself posted:

I imagine it must be frustrating for professionals to see- the earlier ones certainly had screwups, but since they had fewer curveballs there was more of a contest with the final version. If they're not asking for "extreme elements" they're finding ways to torture people and it's tedious. If they find that people are less interested in the cake shows, maybe just don't show so goddamn many of them? I

I liked seeing people making interesting cakes and what went into doing it competetively. Now I go to watch it, and it's more about minigames and loving with the contestants than them being able to actually do any work.

They had one that was space/alien-themed, and they threw a twist at them where they too everyone's assistants away, and all the assistants had to work together to make a spaceship cake and suspend it from a pulley system, and "fly" it from platform to platform before they could return to work.

There was a Lego cakes one where it started off with them having to make mini-cakes of each judge, and then in the middle of the challenege, they had to stop and build little playsets without instructions or something.

And then in this latest one, Santa brought them gifts. Some got ornaments, and others got coal. Those that got coal had to stop and help the other contestants make their cakes for a bit.


And then the judges have the nerve to bitch about quality of work and time management and poo poo when all is said and done. SORRY MY CAKE WASN'T PERFECT KERRY VINCENT BUT YOU MADE MY ASSISTANT FLY A loving SPACESHIP CAKE FOR SOME STUPID REASON.

cjg
Sep 5, 2003



FlamingLiberal posted:

I watch a lot of Chopped with MY GIRLFRIEND. We're also watching The Next Iron Chef: Super Chefs or whatever it's called.

Same. She really likes Restaurant Impossible. I'm more into the Gordon Ramsey UK version.

We also watched the Food Truck contest deal. Oh Korilla, why'd you have to cheat?

smackfu
Jun 7, 2004



Vanderdeath posted:

I miss Molto Mario and Mario Batali in general. He needs a new show. Watching Molto Mario reruns in the dead of night got me interested in cooking, along with reruns of Good Eats and the Galloping Gourmet.
He actually is on a new-ish daytime show, on ABC, The Chew. I've never seen it.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Chew

Electric Bugaloo
Oct 20, 2007

pruney back


Isn't Alton Brown infamous for being really mean and dismissive to people he doesn't quite agree with- particularly his fans?

Also, I disagree with his take on "food trends" (namely slow food and molecular gastronomy) as being terrible for the "essence" (or whatever) of cooking. I kind of feel like he'd have been angry at the invention of the stove because "tending a fire and proper chimney maintenance are basic essentials" and God forbid people try new things.

I like what he's about and does, but I don't really like him.

And I just finished Anthony Bourdain's new memoir, Medium Raw- which has a whole lot to say about celebrity "chefs" (I agree with his take that a cook who's never worked in a professional kitchen shouldn't be called a chef) and the Food Network.

Not much of it is very nice, but he does go into the history of the channel and talks about a lot of the problems with its business model and the state of food media (namely that it's the same problem that you see with the History Channel and Discovery, where actually instructive and deep shows get shitcanned for less "academic" fare and the network does much better financially because of it).

And that no matter what pros and cons everyone on that network might have, the incontestable truth is that Sandra Lee is the Worst Thing.

Electric Bugaloo fucked around with this message at Dec 1, 2011 around 20:32

angerbot
Mar 23, 2004


plob


I like Bitchin' Kitchen.

e: I'm also liking Bourdain's new show on Travel Channel, The Layover,where he has so far only stuck to cities instead of being trucked out to the jungle to eat fried warthog anus or whatever. He only gets 24-36 hours in a place, so there is a bit of "I went here, but there's also this." Also the segue animations are annoying.

ExiledTinkerer
Nov 4, 2009


I pretty much can't handle any of the competition(save classic Iron Chef!) and "reality" fare---in it for the various visited eateries and themed edutainment content. The worst are the shows that only seem to get one season or episode, despite being something outside of the norm.

Seriously enjoying The Layover as well---really good format. It is kind of jarring going from the old Cook's Tour re-runs of late to No Reservations.

I raged a bit at them finally airing the first ep of Feastingon Asphalt a week or so back, which is great for me as I was unaware of the lot of these channels those many years on back---only for them to air that same first ep again this week instead of the next. I swear the scheduling of things on any of the networks is just so insanely random.

I'd also offer an honorary spot to the food related eps of Love/Lust that've been airing lately on Sundance---really nice show that still managed to be a bit different on the topics versus a retread from the good Foodography before they cut it to half hour eps with random hour ones sprinkled---probably for more blasted reality shows!

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Declan MacManus
Sep 1, 2011



Electric Bugaloo posted:

Bourdain stuff

I love Anthony Bourdain, even though he strikes me as (possibly) a tremendous rear end in a top hat. I'd love to spend a day with him, though, because he's a fascinating person who's been to fascinating places.

I'd never cook for him, though.

I also don't understand how someone who seems as knowledgeable as Alton Brown would be against molecular gastronomy. It's the science of food, what could be cooler than that?

Also, besides the Food Network, Cooking Channel, and (occasionally) Travel Channel, what networks devote a large portion of their airtime to the culinary arts?

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