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Banana Cream Pie
Jun 17, 2009


The worst human being that has ever lived posted:

"Buy Neverwinter Nights Diamond off GOG, install the following fan modules from NWNVault: Shadowlords, Dreamcatcher, Demon, A Dance With Rogues."

quote:

A famed (or infamous) Neverwinter Nights two part module that won module of the year in 2006. (WHAT THE gently caress?)

A Dance with Rogues is based around the Neverwinter Nights rogue class. It's notable for being Darker and Edgier as well as as Hotter and Sexier versus the original campaign. It's got its own original and detailed narrative which has received much praise as well as high ratings. The module is epic in scope taking a character up to levels 17-19.


Why were the RPGs of our youth so much better than the ones we see today? Who here doesn't have fond memories of finally tracking down that elusive dragon in Shadowlands, of exploring the bakersfield vault in Fallout, of finally getting to the bottom of the iron throne conspiracy in Baldur's Gate? Even those unfortunate folk that didn't grow up playing all the old classics are often capable of installing DosBox and admitting to themselves that yes, the past holds many classics with few equals.

But if you've already beaten all the oldies several times, what are you left to do? Play new entries to the RPG market such as Dragon Age 2? I tried that and barely made it through the first act before quitting in disgust. So it was with some small measure of enjoyment that I read ShadowIsaac's terrible Let's Play of that game, a LP not afraid to plumb the depths of Bioware's decadance that had proven to be far above what I could handle. So when said person made a list of recommended "classic" modules for the original Neverwinter Nights, I said to myself "well, they can't be that bad, might as well check them out!" This turned out to be one of the worst decisions in the long cavalcade of terrible decisions that make up my pathetic excuse for a life.


gently caress you, ShadowIsaac, and all the other people who recommended this lovely goddamn module. gently caress you. Now that it's sitting here on my drive I am going to play through it though, even if it kills me (oh god I wish for death) and I am going to be subjecting all of you to it. That's right, you denizens of the SomethingAwful LP forum, having managed to troll me into playing this craptacular piece of refuse, reap your reward.

Let me be clear: this is a LP of the "highly recommended" NWN module "A Dance with Rogues". It is not an informative LP. It is probably not a funny LP. It is most certainly not a high quality LP. This is a LP meant to inflict pain upon the reader, to communicate just how horrible the module is and just how much I hate it and the people who recommended me it. May you all burn in hell.

(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)

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Banana Cream Pie
Jun 17, 2009


Now, with the formalities out of the way, let's get on with the actual Let's Play, shall we?



First we're introduced to the character creation screen. This module warns you that you HAVE TO PLAY AS A GIRL. And that you also need a minimum of 14 charisma. This should have been the moment where I did a 360 and walked away, but I thought to myself "This module came highly recommended by goons, how bad can it be?". Well, we're gonna find out, folks!

I decided to go the whole hog and settle for a completely ridiculous stat spread. 18 charisma (Who doesn't want to be a pretty princess!!), sacrificing pretty much every useful stat in the game to attain it. I'd go for even lower intelligence but I wanted to play it safe so I can go for improved expertise if needed (I have no idea how combat-heavy this module is). Still, with 8 wisdom we're essentially a blubbering naive idiot already. Kinda like me, the OP, who managed to get trolled into playing this pile.



This is how the game starts. Apparently we're like an actual princess or something? This module is supposed to be very well-written and I can already see that it pulls no punches from the get-go. A neighboring kingdom who you were once on good terms with SUDDENLY AND MYSTERIOUSLY decide to invade? Amazing. You don't fuckin' say.



Oh, okay. Phew. I was worried there for a sec. Actually this all turns out to be wrong because the very next sentence is the character's internal monologue going "this all turned out to be wrong". Apparently my dad's castle is already under siege by the evil dudes or something and "King Baldwin" barricaded himself in the throne room.



No, generic NPC that will probably die in two seconds, there is no way that these people that are killing everybody are going to kill you.



Wait, are you saying that these people that are killing everyone actually are killing everyone? But that would mean... no, no, it can't be true!

Here I missed some screenshots but basically what happens is a few soldiers come over and tell us that we have to leave the castle before the bad men with swords come. Our heroine, always the fighter, is more than happy to go along.



Goodbye, maid NPC person. I barely knew ye'. Our heroine is of course stunned by this shocking turn of events.



A fight naturally breaks out between the guards and the invaders where they proceed to jump into one big manpile as our heroine haplessly looks on.



Run, Forrest, run!



That didn't work out very well. Apparently, there was a "sword-yielding dude" on the other side of the door. Why the gently caress am I even playing this again?




Woah, that's not a very nice thing to say! Phelia decides to put her 18 charisma to good use by grovelling like a dog.



What a coincidence, I'm staring at my goddamn monitor in disbelief right now.



Wait... what the gently caress?



Uhhh.....

Turns out they were only planning to behead me, but at the very last second one of the completely unmemorable guards rises from the dead to rush into the group of heavily armed thugs. He dies instantly but it gives us a chance for escape.



RUN FORREST RUN




Suddenly the screen turns black and I am magically transported into some sort of cellar with a dark and mysterious stranger looming over me. Uh-oh.





Wait... what? Nevermind. After making sure my head is appropriately fingered, I do what seems like a natural thing in the situation like this. I ask this clown who the hell he is.



Well, uh, good on you, captain exposition, but I asked for your name, not your boring life story. Whatever, I don't even care anymore. Maybe we should, you know, get out of here before the bad sword-yielding dudes come back?



The man completely ignores our question and goes on about his lovelife and somehow magically segues that into telling us that our dad is dead. Rest in peace, big Rizzle.





Phelia takes this news the only way she knows how: shedding copious amounts of tears.



Wait. No. Please. God no.



WHAT THE gently caress.



Oh. My. God. :notawesome:



I can't loving believe this.





...



Note that our character has now sustained 3 hitpoints of surprise sex damage and a reduced movement speed thanks to the surprise sex we were just treated to. I don't know, I can appreciate small details like that.



gently caress you.

Dusseldorf
Mar 29, 2005



Can you post images that are smaller than 1280 wide?

Shadow Isaac
Nov 15, 2011

by Ozmaugh


I can't wait for you to get banned for posting a rapegame on SA.

Banana Cream Pie
Jun 17, 2009


Shadow Isaac posted:

I can't wait for you to get banned for posting a rapegame on SA.

For reference, this module won the 2006 module of the year award and is also at the very top of NWVaults Hall of Fame. It's not like I just picked up some sort of surprise sex-centered dating sim knockoff.... right?

Shadow Isaac
Nov 15, 2011

by Ozmaugh


It's unironically the best module ever. Sorry that you're too blind to see this.

Jefepato
Mar 11, 2009

This?! This is a glorious dance! That has been passed down! In my family for generations!


Well, that got really awful really fast.

What's even worse is that the author couldn't possibly have felt the need to insert more "drama" into the story at that moment. There was plenty of that, to the extent one finds the writing compelling either way.

What's worse than that is that this is probably the only reason the author needed you to play as a girl.

CrookedB
Jun 27, 2011

Stupid newbee

I remember watching an LP of this on another forum, and this is an awful, awful module. I still can't wrap my head around the fact it was written by a woman. Playing through the writer's surprise sex fantasies... Sheesh. Even the supposedly good implementation of stat/skill checks and alternative quest solutions can't redeem what is basically a surprise sex fetish module.

Gnomebitten
Mar 31, 2011

Shave Early. Shave Yourself.


Dusseldorf posted:

Can you post images that are smaller than 1280 wide?

Do this even if it means you have to play at a smaller resolution to keep the text readable.

big duck equals goose
Nov 7, 2006


Is it even possible to get a boner over something in Neverwinter Nights?

Hafl
Mar 17, 2009

Why yes, I am a crazy cat lady.

CrookedB posted:

Playing through the writer's surprise sex fantasies...

It's basically the same as reading Twilight!

Heatwizard
Nov 5, 2009



Yeah, just play in 800 x 600 if you're so determined to not do any work.

Are all these restrictions just on the honor system? You can import characters in NWN1, I think, so what happens if you haul in a Sorceror 20 and treat some chucklefucks to a helping of Fireball?

Agent Kool-Aid
Oct 21, 2010



It completely loving boggles the mind that someone would make a NWN module like this. I kinda wish you had knee'd him in the dick or something.

Jefepato
Mar 11, 2009

This?! This is a glorious dance! That has been passed down! In my family for generations!


Agent Kool-Aid posted:

It completely loving boggles the mind that someone would make a NWN module like this. I kinda wish you had knee'd him in the dick or something.

I checked this module's wiki. Doing that doesn't help.

Knowing people cared enough to make a wiki doesn't help either.

Banana Cream Pie
Jun 17, 2009


Because people are babies who have tiny monitors I'll post pictures in 800x600 starting next update. You'll have to excuse me if I'm not super eager on replaying this poo poo.

After getting his surprise sex on, the rogue eventually hands us some clothing he found in a trunk somewhere and then spirits us away to some tavern, away from the castle and all the bad evil guys.



We meet the proprietor of this tavern...





What sort of person murders a woman without even raping her first!? Vico (our lovable rapist) just can't wrap his head around this.


Eventually, both men agree that our heroine is too useless to be sold into some arranged marriage or do any real work, so we are sent to the kitchens to work rather than be handed over to the invaders to be killed, burned and raped (not necessarily in that order, but you never know).






Yeah, yeah. We get it. The world sucks. Our heroine then goes on to describe every single worker in the kitchen at length. I left it out because frankly, it's not very interesting. Let's get going! Oh, you might also notice that I actually leveled up here.



Rogue level 2 brings nothing worthy of note, we double our pathetic HP pool from 5 to 10. The biggest thing here is probably getting tumble up to rank 5, giving us a free +1 to AC. It'll probably come in handy. We walk into the kitchen, only to immediately be accosted by one of the scullery girls:



That's right, folks. Our heroine really is that dumb.



Apparently my character has already had sex with every male worker in the tavern in the several month long timeskip between this scene and the last one if this girl is to be believed. I don't even know. I don't want to know. Either way, this is really an incredibly rude thing to say. >



We meet the matron of the kitchen, who sends us to meet the proprietor of this joint. Apparently, we tried to sneak out of the tavern yesterday, which caused quite a fracas. Yeah, I can't see why anyone would want to get out of a life of getting sexually harassed in a lovely kitchen 24/7.




Hi there, male NPC who likely only started a conversation to sexually harass us.



He tries to interest us in learning to juggle, but Phelia is wise to his schemes. Saw that one coming a mile away. We leave him and make our way to the second floor to meet the boss man.







He actually doesn't chew us out for trying to escape from our indentured servitude, and in fact tells us that our days in the kitchen is over. He says that the tavern also deals with "other business" *cough* itsathievesguild *cough* and tells us to find seven teachers across the city to teach us the tricks of the trade. This actually sounds kinda interesting, even though I'm sure surprise sex will be involved somehow. Our first teacher is actually the kitchen matron we talked to earlier, who will teach us about disguising ourselves. Before we leave, he warns us to stay away from the docks, because all the brothels in the city are closed currently and the sailors will likely surprise sex first and ask questions later.

Returning downstairs:









She teaches us some basic tricks and also lends us a nice dress. Score!



Sailors and surprise sex go togheter like... ugh, I can't even finish this sentence. We pick up the dress and head downstairs. Before we go, however, our taskmaster gives us a whole whopping 4 GOLD for our months of work scrubbing the kitchens, and tells us not to spend it all in one place. Yeah, gently caress you too, buddy.




Uh, hello.



This seems like a kinda shady character. I dunno about you folks, I'm getting a funny feelin' about this guy.



FREE DRINKS!? WHO CAN REFUSE?





Phelia likes her name, and doesn't see any reason why bandying it about to creepy men she doesn't know could possibly be dangerous.

Well, this is getting kinda uncomfortable. Our heroine is about to make like a tree and go outside when, suddenly:



JACKPOT. Phelia, ever the opportunist, sees an opportunity to GET PAID.



Uh, yeah, this is all a bit too much for me but let's just play along until we can fleece this idiot. He makes us play a game where he throws coins up in the air and we have to catch them. Thanks to our dexterity of 15 we easily grab them until he decides to pinch our butt as a means of distraction. After enduring some more fondling we finally see an opportunity and act on it.



Owned. At this point his wife rushes in to drag him home and in the commotion he doesn't notice that we now are in possession of all his gold. Let's check out the loot!





...I stole 35 gp and all I had to give up in return was all pretenses of having any dignity whatsoever. gently caress everything. I want to die.

Mikl
Nov 8, 2009

The trick is building a gravity-manipulation bubble into your bed to lower the local G.


Heatwizard posted:

Are all these restrictions just on the honor system? You can import characters in NWN1, I think, so what happens if you haul in a Sorceror 20 and treat some chucklefucks to a helping of Fireball?

I've tried playing this module, and the restrictions are enforced. If you try playing anything other than human female level one rogue with at least 14 CHA you get a window that says "sorry, can't let you play that" and then boots you to the main menu.

Jefepato
Mar 11, 2009

This?! This is a glorious dance! That has been passed down! In my family for generations!


Can you use the console to power up after the module starts?

Banana Cream Pie posted:

...I stole 35 gp and all I had to give up in return was all pretenses of having any dignity whatsoever. gently caress everything. I want to die.

In theory (note: D&D economies don't really make sense) that's like a year's wages for an unskilled laborer. It only seems like a small amount because adventurers operate with orders of magnitude more money than normal people.

The sad thing is, I can almost see why people liked this. If you think the writing isn't great, you're right, but most modules out there are so much worse.

This excuses absolutely nothing, though. Christ.

Wheezer
Apr 4, 2011


Egads, I just realized you started out with 5hp. That's more than half raped to death at 3 points of damage.

Tallgeese
May 11, 2008

Erm, you have a problem with me hacking and ruining peoples' multiplayer games with my anime OC self-insert? Feh, I might as well be criticized by an insect.

...Wait.

Is CON tied to HP? If so, can you have CON so low that you literally get raped to death?

And to think the game was already repulsive.

Banana Cream Pie
Jun 17, 2009


Wheezer posted:

Egads, I just realized you started out with 5hp. That's more than half raped to death at 3 points of damage.

When he sticks his dagger to the PCs throat the PC takes 1 point of damage. So all in total this encounter ends up dealing a whopping 4 damage total. The hit die of the average level 1 commoner? 1d4. The surprise sex was so violent that it would kill the average person, in other words.


The more you know, am I right?

Marketing New Brain
Apr 26, 2008


Is that a fat, table breaking image in your pocket OP, or are you just happy to see me?


I like how this game doesn't waste time with character development or setting, but sets the dial straight to rapeleven. IR, DP, gloryhole, gangbang, there's so many places for this story to develop. I'm just glad the NWN mod community isn't a bunch of prudes with tiny brains who want to censor real art.

Jefepato
Mar 11, 2009

This?! This is a glorious dance! That has been passed down! In my family for generations!


Tallgeese posted:

...Wait.

Is CON tied to HP? If so, can you have CON so low that you literally get raped to death?

And to think the game was already repulsive.

Yeah, the CON modifier is added to HP at every level. I don't think NWN allows you to reduce stats below 8, though.

Rogues get a d6 hit die (what you roll to determine HP gained at each level, modified by CON). Max HP at first level, and 8 CON is a -1 modifier, so 5 HP to start.

It's not an optimal character, but Banana Cream Pie made it pretty clear optimization was not the intent here.

(I'll note: you don't die at 0 HP. You die at -10. So the surprise sex wouldn't kill someone regardless. That makes nothing better of course.)

Banana Cream Pie
Jun 17, 2009


Jefepato posted:

Yeah, the CON modifier is added to HP at every level. I don't think NWN allows you to reduce stats below 8, though.

Rogues get a d6 hit die (what you roll to determine HP gained at each level, modified by CON). Max HP at first level, and 8 CON is a -1 modifier, so 5 HP to start.

It's not an optimal character, but Banana Cream Pie made it pretty clear optimization was not the intent here.

(I'll note: you don't die at 0 HP. You die at -10. So the surprise sex wouldn't kill someone regardless. That makes nothing better of course.)

There's a part where you have to survive for TEN ROUNDS against a monk beating on you as part of your "combat training". A monk attacking twice a round at a -1 AB. gently caress, I wish I hadn't made a joke character for this dumb module. But like a burning freight train heading towards a cliff, I can only go forwards, not backwards.

SorcerousHam
Apr 8, 2011


~

DebugMode 1

SetSTR 50
SetDEX 50
SetCON 50

This module deserves nothing less than blatant cheating to go along with its terrifying script.

Banana Cream Pie
Jun 17, 2009


SorcerousHam posted:

~

DebugMode 1

SetSTR 50
SetDEX 50
SetCON 50

This module deserves nothing less than blatant cheating to go along with its terrifying script.

No. I'm going to do it. I'm going to play this module the way it was meant to be played. I'm going to enjoy all the sweet sweet SSMA this game has to offer. Even if it kills me.

Erwin the German
May 30, 2011

:3


Hey, looks like the module has been updated from when I last played it! This should be... should be... in... informa-



Good loving luck.

TheLastRoboKy
May 2, 2009

METROPLEX DESIRES BREAKFAST SNACKS


So far it seems like someone made a module based off every lovely fantasy romance novel ever written.

Just like Dragon Age 2 more or less then, only with more options to do things like go pale or shiver, or flip off your rapist.

Jefepato
Mar 11, 2009

This?! This is a glorious dance! That has been passed down! In my family for generations!


Yeesh. Your AC is gonna be so low a monk would actually be effective.

Banana Cream Pie posted:

No. I'm going to do it. I'm going to play this module the way it was meant to be played. I'm going to enjoy all the sweet sweet SSMA this game has to offer. Even if it kills me.

I'm Googling and I don't think this game is offering you any of the results. SSMA would be...?

Banana Cream Pie
Jun 17, 2009


Jefepato posted:

Yeesh. Your AC is gonna be so low a monk would actually be effective.


I'm Googling and I don't think this game is offering you any of the results. SSMA would be...?

It's an abbrevation that stands for Same Situation, Multiple Approach. For example, in this game you can either Fight or Get Raped as a problem-solving approach. Genius!

Stelas
Sep 6, 2010



The worst human being that has ever lived posted:

"Buy Neverwinter Nights Diamond off GOG, install the following fan modules from NWNVault: Shadowlords, Dreamcatcher, Demon, A Dance With Rogues."

Ahahah, that's fantastic. The best bit is that Shadowlords, Dreamcatcher, and Demon are actually solid modules with decent writing and some nice ideas on how to switch up the gameplay. That quote is exactly the same as 'go get some decent user content and then ram rusty nails into your eyes really hard'.

Eagerly watching your pain. Do yourself a favour when you're done and play through the other three, and also the Penultima series or pretty much anything else Stefan Gagne touched in his heyday. Not to mention that both of the NWN expansions are actually pretty decent modules, especially the second one.

e: too many ways to spell Stefan.

Ferrosol
Nov 8, 2010


Hahaha someone else has to suffer through this module. I was one of the people who defended it as technically competent even while the story itself was terrible so seeing someone else play through it is somehow cathartic. I would recommend a couple of good NWN modules that have not been mentioned the Aielund Saga and Honor among Thieves (an actual good and non rapey thief module)

Cythereal
Nov 8, 2009

Not one of the more complicated characters I've ever role-played over the years, honestly, but fun nevertheless.

Oh, dear. I've heard horror stories about this mod. That, and the author of the mod has a self-insert character as, appropriately, a succubus.

Commoners
Apr 25, 2007

Sometimes you reach a stalemate. Sometimes you get magic horses.

A Commoners Guide on How To Die To surprise sex:

Be an elf wizard with 6 constitution so you start with 2 hp. Summon your rat and punch it to death so you have one hp.

Get killed.

Copyright Commoners Do Not Steal.

Ceciltron
Jan 11, 2007

Text BEEP to 43527 for the dancing robot!

This is going to be one giant conga line of unpleasant sexual descriptions isn't it?

I wouldn't have so much trouble with a game handling this kind of...thing if it weren't for the fact that it was probably written by someone with no idea of the horror and world-shattering aspects of this stuff. Instead, from what you've shown us, I get the impression this is j/o material for some pervert under the guise of a NWN module. I have a creeping suspicion Shadow Isaac is that person.

As you said, gently caress everything. I want to die.

Songbearer
Jul 12, 2007


Fuck you say?


Banana Cream Pie posted:

Now, with the formalities out of the way, let's get on with the actual Let's Play, shall we?

Please can we start every update with a cute dogpic

Cythereal
Nov 8, 2009

Not one of the more complicated characters I've ever role-played over the years, honestly, but fun nevertheless.

Ceciltron posted:

This is going to be one giant conga line of unpleasant sexual descriptions isn't it?

I wouldn't have so much trouble with a game handling this kind of...thing if it weren't for the fact that it was probably written by someone with no idea of the horror and world-shattering aspects of this stuff. Instead, from what you've shown us, I get the impression this is j/o material for some pervert under the guise of a NWN module. I have a creeping suspicion Shadow Isaac is that person.

As you said, gently caress everything. I want to die.

I think the writer was female, actually. This sounds like an interactive "romance" novel for middle-aged women.

the JJ
Mar 31, 2011


Oh god why.

And leaving subject matter aside, the writing is poo poo.

And all the choices are irrelevant.

And... and, and, Christ.

[Gasps].

Mordaedil
Oct 25, 2007

Yup, that's a skjold all right.

Jefepato posted:

Can you use the console to power up after the module starts?


In theory (note: D&D economies don't really make sense) that's like a year's wages for an unskilled laborer. It only seems like a small amount because adventurers operate with orders of magnitude more money than normal people.

The sad thing is, I can almost see why people liked this. If you think the writing isn't great, you're right, but most modules out there are so much worse.

This excuses absolutely nothing, though. Christ.

The surprise sex scene with Vico is the only surprise sex scene in the entire game except a few others that you trigger only by going down that both by your own choice though.

I don't really see why it needs to excuse anything. This module was basically written as a sexual fantasy novel (kind of like those books you can pick up at wallmart for like $5) and you get exactly... Well, that. And for an NWN module, it's pretty much one of the most consistent ones out there.

The game also throws you a lot of dialog choices, a lot of which do not matter and most serve to misdirect you from picking obvious advantageous choices and sometimes it unlocks new dialogue by picking a certain path, so it's one of the more interestingly planned modules made.

Also, as someone who knows a few of the deep dark secrets of the creators of the certain other recommended modules;

Stelas posted:

Ahahah, that's fantastic. The best bit is that Shadowlords, Dreamcatcher, and Demon are actually solid modules with decent writing and some nice ideas on how to switch up the gameplay. That quote is exactly the same as 'go get some decent user content and then ram rusty nails into your eyes really hard'.

This is hilarious to me. I wonder if you'd think so highly of the guy who made those modules if you knew what he made under a different account name(to avoid damaging his good name).

Gabriel Pope
May 16, 2009

diggle zone


Mordaedil posted:

The surprise sex scene with Vico is the only surprise sex scene in the entire game except a few others that you trigger only by going down that both by your own choice though.

Oh, well, if it only has one gratuitously unnecessary surprise sex scene I guess that's all right then! Carry on, Mr. Pie.

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IShallRiseAgain
Sep 12, 2008

Well ain't that precious?

Gabriel Pope posted:

Oh, well, if it only has one gratuitously unnecessary surprise sex scene I guess that's all right then! Carry on, Mr. Pie.

Don't forget about the two other times where you can "choose" to be raped. Girls are always just asking for it.

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