- Cardiovorax
- Jun 5, 2011
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CARDIOVORAX BELIVES A POLICEMAN WHO GROPES A WOMAN SHOULD LOSE HIS JOB, AND DO A HUNDRED HOURS OF COMUNITY SERVICE UNDER THE PAIN OF GOING TO PRISON IF HE BREAKS HIS PAROLE
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It's basically just a reskinned zombie plague. Kinda interesting twist on it, but not really good enough on its own to work with writing that bad.
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May 19, 2013 20:05
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- Volmarias
- Dec 31, 2002
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This could be too paranoid to be effective, but it's a thought.
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See, stuff like that make me confident in my decision to convert a Jovian moon mine shaft into a survival bunker!
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So, uh, have someone get "infected," "cured," then ask the kid his name. If "reinfection" is impossible I don't see the problem here.
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May 19, 2013 21:10
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- Parahexavoctal
- Oct 10, 2004
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I AM NOT BEING PAID TO CORRECT OTHER PEOPLE'S POSTS.
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Today I learned that one site member has been keeping a personal archive of really horrible SCPs.
I mean, REALLY horrible.
an amazingly horrible entry posted:
Item #: SCP-XXXX
Object Class: Safe
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-XXXX is contained within a standardized cryogenic isolation unit. The object is to be kept separated from all biological tissue samples and any interacting staff members must wear temperature resistant negative pressure personnel suits to ensure the object remains uncontaminated. Should SCP-XXXX be exposed to viable DNA the containment chamber is to be evacuated and then flooded with liquid nitrogen until all signs of activity have ceased.
All staff attempting to interact with SCP-XXXX must have the permission of 2 level 3 security officers. Should any staff attempt to access SCP-XXXX without proper permission, the lab will initiate standardized lock-down until the situation can be assessed by on-site management.
Description: SCP-XXXX is a black truncated icosidodecahedron formed from approximately 10 litres of solidified Dodo (Raphus cucullatus) semen; it is currently unknown how the semen was solidified or harvested. The object is 20 cm in diameter when frozen, with a mass of 17 kg. When thawed SCP-XXXX will retain a semi-solid state. As the object warms it will produce a scent described as 'fishy' or 'malodorous'. Typical reactions to SCP-XXXX range from mild curiosity to outright disgust, with several members of staff refusing to work with the project.
The anomalous properties of SCP-XXXX initiate when it is directly exposed to viable genetic material, upon which the object will begin vibrating while producing unidentified avian vocalizations. After approximately 1 hour of activity the object will cease vibrating and the vocalizations will steadily increase in volume until a mass of liquid semen releases from the bottom of SCP-XXXX; it is currently unknown how SCP-XXXX replenishes lost material. SCP-XXXX will be unable to expel any material if it is kept at a temperature below -100 °C, preferably −196 °C to ensure complete cessation of anomalous properties. Following 5 hours of inactivity the expelled semen will shape itself into a crude approximation of a Dodo. The newly formed Dodo, designated SCP-XXXX-1, will attempt to locate fertile or sexually active organisms. Upon finding a suitable specimen SCP-XXXX-1 will attempt to forcefully copulate with the target. The gender of SCP-XXXX-1 appears to be hermaphroditic as it can successfully mate with either gender. Upon successful impregnation, SCP-XXXX-1 will lose cohesion and attempt to seal its partner's genitalia. The genital plug is incredibly durable for its composition and often requires surgical intervention to remove.
Impregnated females will typically have a shorter gestation period than is normal for their species. Following the gestation period the female will begin to suffer from steadily increasing abdominal discomfort, with several impregnated specimens developing genital bleeding. This stage typically lasts for 7 days regardless of the female's species. After 7 days have passed the female will enter a form of labor in which both the SCP-XXXX-1 plug and a litre of Dodo semen is expelled from their genitalia. The expelled material is not genetically viable nor does it possess any anomalous properties.
Males must have the plug surgically removed to allow for regular urination. Impregnated subjects enter a form of quasi-gestation; this period of change will typically last for 4 months regardless to the species in question. Following the 4 month period of time the male's scrotum and testes will swell to roughly twice their original size; discomfort and mild pain are typical symptoms of the swelling but may also be accompanied by bloody discharge and trouble urinating. Directly after the male has reached full swelling a secondary stage of sudden ejaculation will begin. This stage will typically last upwards of 40 minutes and will continue until the male has expelled 1 litre of Dodo semen. As with females, the expelled semen retains no anomalous properties.
In the case of impregnated organisms being smaller than SCP-XXXX-1 it is unlikely that the entity will survive gestation. Both females and males typically suffer from abdominal and genital rupture. Only 1 recorded instance survived its gestation period but only with direct and immediate surgical intervention.
Addendum XXXX-1: SCP-XXXX was recovered from the ███████ Cold Storage facility located in ███████, Pennsylvania, USA on 26/07/1996.Employees of the facility contacted authorities following the discovery and initial activation of SCP-XXXX, Agent ███████ intercepted the report and Foundation staff were dispatched to the facility. By time of arrival SCP-XXXX had formed an instance of SCP-XXXX-1, both objects were successfully recovered and facility personnel were treated with Class-A amnesiacs.
Addendum XXXX-2: SCP-XXXX-1 has successfully mated with the following specimens:
Saltwater Crocodile (Crocodylus porosus)
Guinea Pig (Cavia porcellus)
Ostrich (Struthio camelus)
North Island Brown Kiwi (Apteryx mantelli)
German Shepherd (Canis lupus familiaris)
D-XXXX-1 (Homo sapiens)
Laboratory Rat (Rattus norvegicus)
European Rabbit (Oryctolagus cuniculus)
Domestic Fowl (Gallus gallus domesticus)
Addendum XXXX-3: On 12/11/2003 an instance of SCP-XXXX-1 attempted to mate with a frozen pre-prepared turkey (Meleagris gallopavo) following 30% of the specimen's head not solidifying during a routine exposure. Following the successful mating SCP-XXXX-1 lost cohesion but failed to form a proper plug. It is currently unknown why the specimen was malformed, repeated testing failed to produce similar results.
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May 19, 2013 21:24
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- Edged Hymn
- Feb 4, 2009
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Yeah dude I don't think that was meant to be serious
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May 19, 2013 21:39
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- Tubgirl Cosplay
- Jan 10, 2011
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Is that a fetish thing, because I can't imagine why else someone would write that
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May 19, 2013 21:40
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- Rixen
- Feb 18, 2005
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Have you had your Reich today?
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And why doesn't it also interfere with female urina-- no. No, gently caress you. I'm not writing this sentence.
Rixen fucked around with this message at May 20, 2013 around 04:33
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May 19, 2013 22:36
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- Parahexavoctal
- Oct 10, 2004
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I AM NOT BEING PAID TO CORRECT OTHER PEOPLE'S POSTS.
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Yeah dude I don't think that was meant to be serious
I hope you're right. Dear god, I hope you're right.
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May 19, 2013 23:13
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- YellerBill
- Mar 22, 2013
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Is that a fetish thing, because I can't imagine why else someone would write that
I don't even want to imagine any other reason, so I'm going to assume "stupid fetish poo poo" and move on. Dear god.
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May 19, 2013 23:15
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- Volmarias
- Dec 31, 2002
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This could be too paranoid to be effective, but it's a thought.
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See, stuff like that make me confident in my decision to convert a Jovian moon mine shaft into a survival bunker!
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I can only hope that this came from a lot of drinking and the question "Why was the Dodo hunted to extinction?"
Because [DATA EXPUNGED], that's why. 
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May 20, 2013 12:04
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- YellerBill
- Mar 22, 2013
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Everyone who hasn't read http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-1778 needs to go do so right loving now, it's incredible.
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May 20, 2013 18:41
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- Tubgirl Cosplay
- Jan 10, 2011
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n73w-B5sBlA
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May 20, 2013 20:28
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- Shai-Hulud
- Jul 10, 2008
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But it feels so right!
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"comments on 1778" posted:
I like this one. The only real question I have is: does anything happen to the people who are driving the cars? If something unpleasant happened to them, then this would be a lot spookier, and probably better.
Oh for fucks sake.
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May 20, 2013 20:41
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- Triple Elation
- Feb 24, 2012
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1 + 2 + 4 + 8 + ... = -1
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It makes car crashes. Those people are in a car and then it crashes. Figure it out, comment person
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May 20, 2013 21:02
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- Lottery of Babylon
- Apr 25, 2012
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It makes car crashes. Those people are in a car and then it crashes. Figure it out, comment person
Even though  is obvious, most of the comments page really doesn't seem to get it.
quote:Okay, I'm downvoting this for a number of reasons:
-It's a "Monster Manual" entry, and not a particularly imaginative one.
-Engines — especially aircraft engines — are regularly inspected, and someone would notice if their engine was being replaced by a crab, however well-disguised. What happens when you have to replace parts? I change the oil in my car by myself; if the crab lives off the stuff why am I able to unplug it and drain it of oil, and replace the filter? You can't just hand-wave it.
-This scenario of cars eff'ing is the kind of thing a sexually frustrated teenager would daydream in class. Sorry, but making an entry just to emphasize that isn't as funny as it sounds in your head.
-It's boring. This is the big one. Not every SCP has to be scary, funny, sad and/or tragic, but it has to be something. Have them building nests in garages filled with mud, have them aggressively attack other cars it mistakes as competitors, have them rampage when their young get towed and crushed at a junk yard, have something to hook the reader. The "rocket cars" thing just made me roll my eyes.
I'm coming down hard on this one, because "Boring" is a dirty word for me.
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May 20, 2013 22:16
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- YellerBill
- Mar 22, 2013
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I hoped to god that people weren't going to start quoting Aelanna's "Common Pitfalls" as a way of providing critique, but people who didn't even understand it are already doing so 
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May 20, 2013 23:03
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- Rixen
- Feb 18, 2005
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Have you had your Reich today?
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I thought the image of two planes in mid-flight having a duel over a female plane was a drat funny mental image, but that was, unfortunately, all the article really had going for it.
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May 21, 2013 00:28
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- Nomikos
- Dec 31, 2003
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I liked the parasitization aspect of it and was hoping it'd explore that further. Like, did you know that there actually exists some kind of little crab-type thing that will replace a fish's tongue and steal a little bit of food whenever it eats? And the fungus that makes ants climb up onto blades of grass and explode, releasing more spores. And the worm things that colonize a snail's eyestalks and make them flash bright colors so it gets eaten by a bird and pooped out and then eaten by another snail. These could form the basis of some pretty cool SCPs I think.
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May 21, 2013 04:32
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- YellerBill
- Mar 22, 2013
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little crab-type thing that will replace a fish's tongue
I think there at least used to be one based off of that, it was like a parasite that would latch onto someone's body and then grow into another limb and then apparently randomly drop off and die and (if I remember correctly) somehow that helped it reproduce  ? Either way, it's definitely good SCP fuel.
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May 21, 2013 06:12
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- Improbable Lobster
- Jan 6, 2012
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I liked the parasitization aspect of it and was hoping it'd explore that further. Like, did you know that there actually exists some kind of little crab-type thing that will replace a fish's tongue and steal a little bit of food whenever it eats?
That would be the Cymothoa exigua or tongue-eating louse. It's a type of isopod and apparently it's tongue-replacing behaviour doesn't cause any harm to the fish. 
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May 21, 2013 07:24
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- Parahexavoctal
- Oct 10, 2004
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I AM NOT BEING PAID TO CORRECT OTHER PEOPLE'S POSTS.
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That would be the Cymothoa exigua or tongue-eating louse. It's a type of isopod and apparently its tongue-replacing behaviour doesn't cause any harm to the fish.
I'm pretty sure that was the inspiration for this SCP, actually.
Speaking of isopods...
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May 21, 2013 11:52
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- SHISHKABOB
- Nov 30, 2012
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If you note the positions of the shadows, it's clear that I'm lost.
Send help.
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The last two nights in a row I've slept with the lights on. I should probably stop reading these...
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May 22, 2013 10:26
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- Shanty
- Nov 7, 2005
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I'm-a gonna rip off-a your head and shit down-a your neck!
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The last two nights in a row I've slept with the lights on. I should probably stop reading these...
You're keeping your lights on?
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May 22, 2013 17:38
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God I fucking love Diablo 3 gold, it even paid for this shitty title
