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Addict
Nov 11, 2003



This thread is amazing. I just browsed reddit for links when I was bored. I had no idea how loving vile and the creepy kind of nerdy it is.



http://www.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/pirk5/zing/

Hell yea owned you bitch, you are the racist here! ~Rolls in the upvotes~

quote:

Yeah. When my university had a come as a stereotpye party, we had three guys, two of the white guys as towers, and our indian friend come as an aeroplane, some idea they got online or something- another guy bought an old oven, cut a hole in the bottom, stripped out all the heavy bits, and put it over his head, while wearing a yamaka and filled the bottom with little gold coins. He'd open the door and we'd pass him in beers.

I think the best one has to be our mexican friend, who came with a beer-hat modified to take two twin tequila bottles under a sombrero with holes for the bottles, in an automated wheelchair so that he didn't have to walk and could sit down for the whole party. I think the best part was that when he came in, he was wheeled in under a blanket with ropes tied to his friend.

quote:

Andaliter 25 points 2 hours ago

I want to be the gangster, my friend of the family!

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The Saddest Rhino
Apr 29, 2009

I could hear the roots of loneliness creeping through me when the world was hushed at four o'clock in the morning


UltimoDragonQuest posted:

Would you be liable if you invited a vampire into your home and a crucifix fell and killed him?
The vampire knew you were a devout Catholic if it matters.


No because vampires are not protected under human laws.

redmercer
Sep 15, 2011

by Fistgrrl


The Saddest Rhino posted:

No because vampires are not protected under human laws.

Not to mention that crucifix wouldn't do poo poo because your dumb rear end invited him in.



Also, fictitious.

24-7 Urkel Cosplay
Feb 12, 2003

hail


Also already dead.

muike
Mar 16, 2011


Lawyers, much like mirrors, cannot represent vampires.

DrProsek
Mar 8, 2011

Every day I'm drinking


Also you'd have to sell a jury on convicting a human of killing an undead monster. Even if they don't know about juror nullification, they'll sure try it.

bigstupidjellyfish
Oct 25, 2010


Addict posted:

This thread is amazing. I just browsed reddit for links when I was bored. I had no idea how loving vile and the creepy kind of nerdy it is.



http://www.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/pirk5/zing/

Hell yea owned you bitch, you are the racist here! ~Rolls in the upvotes~

I love how it conveniently crops out her response.

Also I'm glad that 8 people liked her post and only one person liked his "zinger"-- which now that I'm thinking about it is probably the reason he posted it to reddit in the first place. "Nobody on facebook appreciates my edgy sense of humor... I know who'll appreciate this!"

e:8 not 7

Beartaco
Apr 10, 2007

Nope.


bigstupidjellyfish posted:

I love how it conveniently crops out her response.

Also I'm glad that 7 people liked her post and only one person liked his "zinger"-- which now that I'm thinking about it is probably the reason he posted it to reddit in the first place. "Nobody on facebook appreciates my edgy sense of humor... I know who'll appreciate this!"

That one person is himself. He liked his own zinger.

24-7 Urkel Cosplay
Feb 12, 2003

hail


Law posted:

That one person is himself. He liked his own zinger.

Good catch, that's exactly what that is.


That's pretty pathetic on his part and I hope no one goes to his party.

spatula
Nov 6, 2004


The Saddest Rhino posted:

If you decide to trespass into your neighbour's place and fall into their hot tub and scald the gently caress out of yourself because he (a) set the hot tub to boiling point (b) did not tell anyone about his hot tub being loving hot and (c) did not cover it up, there may be a chance you can claim liability against him. However, if you go in with the intention to burglarise him, the chances of you getting compensation would be lower because you are committing an (even more) illegal act. If there is a gigantic sign saying THIS TUB IS loving HOT and there are dead boiled squirrels in the tub, and you jump in anyway on your own volition, then it's volenti non fit injuria (gently caress you for being a dumbass).

I would appreciate if someone corrects me on this, as I'm fairly rusty on tortious law and like I said, I never studied or practised under the American legal system.

This basically happened to a guy I know. Was that a real life example or did you just make that up?

He was trespassing and jumped into a hot tub (I think it belonged to an apartment complex). The temperature sensor to stop the tub from getting hotter than it should was broken, so it was just getting hotter and hotter forever. He had 2nd degree burns all over his body below the neck and barely lived through it, was in the hospital for months. He's ok now, but I'm not sure how things were resolved regarding compensation, and I don't know if I'd even be able to find out.

Jaded Mandarin
Dec 19, 2011

by Fistgrrl


Law posted:

That one person is himself. He liked his own zinger.

Is it? It could be some equally clueless little poo poo who "liked" his comment and decided that it was worthy of passing it on.

Luigi Thirty
Apr 30, 2006

Emergency confection port.


Has anyone here ever considered or been neutered to kill the sexual urges so they can lead a more productive less depressive life? (self.ForeverAlone)

quote:

I've been seriously considering this surgery to remove all sexual urges. Since I can't have it, I don't want to have it either. It gets in the way of my happiness. I've been trying to date for 25 years but I lack the skills and looks to accomplish such a feat. Now I can't stand it when I see a girl I like and have certain feelings. I'll try and always fail. I've tried these dating coaches and therapists, nothing has worked. I'm ready to just do away with the feelings of wanting to have sex all together. I was just curious if anyone has themselves or knows someone that has been neutered and what the side effects were.

quote:

I'm not interested in a counter argument for having the procedure done. I don't have time to waste chasing after girls anymore. I'm almost 40 and do not have the luxury to attempt dating anymore. The attempts over the past couple of decades has cost me too much. I've accomplished very little and I now have one last chance to make enough so that I may retire and not have to work until the day I die. All I think about is having sex and being in a relationship. It's something I can't have and do not have to the time to get. I've been thinking about this procedure to remove my sex drive for 10 years now. I'm not going to be talked into any thing else. I'm now in the phase of doing research. Save your argument for someone younger and with more time than I have. I do appreciate your concern.

Get this man a fleshlight, stat.

24-7 Urkel Cosplay
Feb 12, 2003

hail


Jaded Mandarin posted:

Is it? It could be some equally clueless little poo poo who "liked" his comment and decided that it was worthy of passing it on.

If you look closely you'll see it says "unlike" and only has 1 like.

The discussion for that picture is shameful, a whole lot of "but dressing as the stereotype is making fun of the stereotype, not making fun of the race!"

The Saddest Rhino
Apr 29, 2009

I could hear the roots of loneliness creeping through me when the world was hushed at four o'clock in the morning


spatula posted:

This basically happened to a guy I know. Was that a real life example or did you just make that up?

He was trespassing and jumped into a hot tub (I think it belonged to an apartment complex). The temperature sensor to stop the tub from getting hotter than it should was broken, so it was just getting hotter and hotter forever. He had 2nd degree burns all over his body below the neck and barely lived through it, was in the hospital for months. He's ok now, but I'm not sure how things were resolved regarding compensation, and I don't know if I'd even be able to find out.

Jesus Christ, that sounds horrible. I actually made up the example (I was originally going to use a swimming pool analogy but the hot tub one drives the message clearer).
If it hasn't been resolved, Not knowing all the facts I don't know whether he can get compensation, but if there was extensive harm I think there's a slight chance unless there were ample warning signs stating that the hot tub was defective. I would advise he talk to a lawyer though.

Wraith of J.O.I.
Jan 24, 2012


Redditor: Haha hey chill out, racial stereotypes are hilarious. And did you just call me a privileged straight, white male? gently caress you!


The cognitive dissonance is just

User-Friendly
Apr 27, 2008

Is There a God? (Pt. 9)


Chunk posted:

If you look closely you'll see it says "unlike" and only has 1 like.

The discussion for that picture is shameful, a whole lot of "but dressing as the stereotype is making fun of the stereotype, not making fun of the race!"

All that means is the person who liked it took/posted the picture though, not that they wrote it too.

Best Friends
Nov 4, 2011




That guy needs a lot of therapy. What he found, instead, is a support group that enables these self-destructive thoughts and negative self-reinforcement. I went in naively expecting at least upvoted counterarguments, or pleas to see a therapist or doctor. But, nope. It's all pretty hosed up.

the op at plus three posted:

I've been in therapy for about 20 years now. I gave up on talking about it and medication. It doesn't fix the problem.

Saying there's no hope and might as well just die already? An upboat for you, good sir!!

spatula
Nov 6, 2004


The Saddest Rhino posted:

Jesus Christ, that sounds horrible. I actually made up the example (I was originally going to use a swimming pool analogy but the hot tub one drives the message clearer).
If it hasn't been resolved, Not knowing all the facts I don't know whether he can get compensation, but if there was extensive harm I think there's a slight chance unless there were ample warning signs stating that the hot tub was defective. I would advise he talk to a lawyer though.

Oh yeah, of course he talked to a lawyer. This actually happened in 2007 so I sure hope it's over with by now. It seemed pretty obvious to me that he should get some kind of compensation because his injuries were SO horrific, but I'm kinda biased since I know the guy. I don't think the apartment complex was aware that anything was wrong with their hot tub, so there was no signage about it. There were other people involved, and other injuries, but I think his was the worst.

vxskud
Nov 19, 2006



Addict posted:

This thread is amazing. I just browsed reddit for links when I was bored. I had no idea how loving vile and the creepy kind of nerdy it is.



http://www.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/pirk5/zing/

Hell yea owned you bitch, you are the racist here! ~Rolls in the upvotes~


The oven story is complete bull poo poo, an oven weighs like 130lbs and the parts that one can remove are all tiny lightweight stuff like wires and burner coils. You still have like 115 lbs of steel and glass just from the actual body of the oven.

Pope Guilty
Nov 6, 2006

The human animal is a beautiful and terrible creature, capable of limitless compassion and unfathomable cruelty.

redmercer posted:

Also, fictitious.

You just know Hank's going to be a redditor.

TurnipFritter
Apr 21, 2010
10,000 POSTS ON TALKING TIME

vxskud posted:

The oven story is complete bull poo poo, an oven weighs like 130lbs and the parts that one can remove are all tiny lightweight stuff like wires and burner coils. You still have like 115 lbs of steel and glass just from the actual body of the oven.

Even if they took out the entire interior, apparently only the dude's head was in the costume, and he kept the door on and closed(!). There's no way he wouldn't have seriously injured his neck. Even with just the door, ovens are way too front-heavy to wear on your loving head.

Mo Tzu
Apr 9, 2011

STOP TALKING!!!!!


I can't believe I'm helping them, but maybe they meant toaster oven.

Bodnoirbabe
Apr 30, 2007

And it's funny how I imagined that I could win this win-less fight.


http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/c...p_for_the_love/

freakingthefuckout00 posted:

i swear it felt like little worms squirming around. today it was bugging me more than usual so i decided find my moms mirror (the ones that are kind of inverted a little bit to magnify) i set it on the tub turned on the light, drop my trousers and spread my rear end cheeks and bent down and looked through my legs so im looking at this mirror upside-down.
what do i see? THREE loving LITTLE WHITE WORMS WIGGLING ABOUT AROUND MY ANUS.



Emphasis mine:

wormman posted:

I created this throwaway to talk about that. I've had worms for about 9 years. I've taken medication but they just come back. I'm not the best at washing hands so that;s probably why.
I haven't taken meds for them for probably like 4 or 5 years. They come and go in cycles. There will be a 2 week period when I can feel them, and 1 week within that time when they are loving ridiculously bad. Then maybe around a month and a half to 3 months before the next cycle.
I don't know why I just don't take a bunch of precautions for the future, I guess I'm just loving lazy. That and buying the meds is loving embarrassing.



How the gently caress do you become so lazy that you just decide to LIVE with assworms instead of doing something for them?!?! HOW?

Lemming
Apr 21, 2008

God I fucking love Diablo 3 gold, it even paid for this shitty title



Mo Tzu posted:

I can't believe I'm helping them, but maybe they meant toaster oven.

His story said that they passed beers to him inside the oven, so it seems more likely that he's just a lying poo poo.

Beartaco
Apr 10, 2007

Nope.


Bodnoirbabe posted:

http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/c...p_for_the_love/




Emphasis mine:




How the gently caress do you become so lazy that you just decide to LIVE with assworms instead of doing something for them?!?! HOW?

I can't imagine buying some pills is more embarassing than carrying a highly contagious parasitic infection for 9 loving years.

e: I should add incredibly easily cured to that. How you manage to gently caress up taking a couple of pills I have no idea.

vxskud
Nov 19, 2006



Law posted:

I can't imagine buying some pills is more embarassing than carrying a highly contagious parasitic infection for 9 loving years.

e: I should add incredibly easily cured to that. How you manage to gently caress up taking a couple of pills I have no idea.


Probably because he never stopped living like a pig and eating disgusting poo poo.

The Saddest Rhino
Apr 29, 2009

I could hear the roots of loneliness creeping through me when the world was hushed at four o'clock in the morning


He took medication regularly and still couldn't stop himself from being infected by worms? What the hell is he doing? Does his job involve reaching his hands into sewers and cleaning them by licking off his fingers?

Seriously what kind of precaution do you need to take to prevent yourself from rear end worms other than not literally living in poo poo?

Evil Orca
Aug 30, 2011


He probably is scratching his rear end a lot. Which would get the eggs underneath his fingernails. Then he is either sucking on his fingers or biting his finger nails causing the eggs to go back into his rear end and restarting the cycle. So his problem would probably be fixed if he practiced basic hygiene and washed his hands after scratching his rear end in a top hat.

peter banana
Sep 2, 2008

peter banana

PresidentCamacho posted:




Grandfathering this to say I saw this play in Dublin starring Stephen Rae and it was tremendous.

Those neutering comments though...they make me want to cry.

Lamuella
Jun 26, 2003

It's like goldy or bronzy, but made of iron.

Reddit: the worm infested arsehole of the Internet.

gwaaargh
Jul 7, 2010



I'm slowly getting through this excellent thread - and its derails - but could someone enlighten me re. balla rear end spoon? The only thing I've found through Google is a seddit thread that looks to be about someone threatening a prostitute or something?

edit: I'm curious because it sounds hilarious

amaranthine
Aug 27, 2009
I AM A TERRIBLE HUMAN BEING


^^ it's something about a guy posting in seddit about eating melon in the middle of a club and specifically mentioning his "balla rear end spoon" because looking like a moron is attractive behavior in the PUAniverse (I think)

e2: upon further investigation, it is the thing that you read

and now, for something completely different:

http://www.reddit.com/r/aww/comment..._history_class/

It's not that bad, it's just the embodiment of the thing I hate most about Reddit.

Everyone who goes on there is so loving insufferable about that site. Guy meets girl in history class, guy actually talks to girl (minor miracle), guy discovers that the two of them share multiple interests. Guy thinks "I should ask her out". Guy decides the best way to do this in a "creative way" is to ask her out through Reddit by posting a thread and hoping it gets sent to the front page.

Why the gently caress would you do that? Why not just, like, ask her? It's not a missed connection, you're in the same class. Next time you're leaving class, invite her to do something. Don't make a loving reddit post that literally says "I'd love to take you out sometime" like it's a marriage proposal.

Ugh. The only thing that saves him from being hopeless is that she uses Reddit as well, so I'm sure her narwhal is positively baconing in delight or whatever the hell the kids are saying these days.

A GLISTENING HODOR
Aug 8, 2009
Probation
Can't post for 3861 days!


The clever bit of douchebaggery there is if she says no Reddit would find her account, get her email/phone number, and send her death/surprise sex threats for turning him down.

He's basically holding her at Internet gunpoint.

Lesson for Women: never let a male know you have a reddit account because it will end badly.

SkySteak
Sep 9, 2010


I know this is probably a troll but:

quote:

[]supaslurp -69 points 6 hours ago
Are you loving kidding me? This website is not for this, take your socially incompetent rear end off this site and never loving show your name here ever again. You desperate piece of poo poo, you honestly think that you have a chance with this girl just because you "like the same stuff?" Who do you think she is? She is not as desperate as you, your shared attributes mean NOTHING to her. You are loving pathetic, loser. You don't deserve help, stinkyhole. This means you know nothing about her either, but you think that reddit is a straight ticket to her pants. You are loving shallow, you don't even want to get to know her in person.
gently caress you, douche. Also your name is colby, what a fag-rear end name


loquacius
Oct 21, 2008

IT'S INCISIVE COMMENTARY!


^^^^^^^^^^^ It would be hilarious if the girl he was asking out was the one who made that post.

Lemming posted:

His story said that they passed beers to him inside the oven, so it seems more likely that he's just a lying poo poo.

I don't think "currently being murdered in the Holocaust" is even really a Jewish stereotype per se so that's less of a stereotype party costume idea and more of a "hey everyone let's make racist references in horrible taste" party costume idea. And that's what the guy made up using the power of his imagination! Inspiring.

amaranthine
Aug 27, 2009
I AM A TERRIBLE HUMAN BEING


Tony Danza Claus posted:

The clever bit of douchebaggery there is if she says no Reddit would find her account, get her email/phone number, and send her death/surprise sex threats for turning him down.

He's basically holding her at Internet gunpoint.

Lesson for Women: never let a male know you have a reddit account because it will end badly.

The linking of that RBI subreddit seems all too prophetic now.

REDDIT THIS GIRL DIDN'T REPLY TO MY CAREFULLY THOUGHT OUT DATING PROPOSAL, PLEASE HELP ME LOCATE HER

ALSO, THE NEAREST HARDWARE STORE

Aleksei Vasiliev
May 7, 2007

Fuck the cowboys. Unf. Fuck em hard.

r/WTF found out about r/preteen_girls: Are you loving kidding me with this?

arseiam, 113 points posted:

As a father of a preteen girl I strongly disagree with the content but until they post content that is illegal the admins cannot do much about it nor should they. Report the sub and express your opinion but please limit it to that instead of adding to the already noisy /r/wtf, bringing attention to the sub, and feeding the troll.

wanttoseemycat, 46 points posted:

I hate it when I come into a comment thread to leave OP a nasty reply about freedom of expression and someone's stated exactly what I wanted to say, except calmly, totally diffusing my anger.

number420pencil, 4 points posted:

The world is not black and white. This subreddit SHOULD be censored (removed). So many people on reddit are 'holier than thou' when it comes to the internet. At the end of the day you are defending a subreddit with sexually explicit pictures of pre-teen girls. Good day, sir.

OwDaditHurts posted:

The world is not black and white. This subreddit [links to r/atheism] SHOULD be censored (removed). So many people on reddit are 'holier than thou' when it comes to the internet. At the end of the day you are defending a subreddit full of Satan worshiping heathens that want nothing more to destroy America and make Christianity illegal. It is a threat to the very nature of life on this planet.

food for thought

anstromm, 20 points posted:

Subscribed.

Lamuella
Jun 26, 2003

It's like goldy or bronzy, but made of iron.

You see, jerking off over pitures of children is morally equivalent to atheism because

Democratic Pirate
Feb 17, 2010



Sometimes I want to work my way up to mod level in all those subreddits, and then bring down the banhammer.

Too bad it wouldn't do any good.

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A GLISTENING HODOR
Aug 8, 2009
Probation
Can't post for 3861 days!


There's no way the mods can LEGALLY shut down a subreddit.

It's the law!

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