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zaurg posted:Just emailed bank again, thanks for the reminder. NO NO NO NO NO. Don't lie to the nice man who is trying to help you. Why is it you can tell the internet the truth, but when you are paying actual professionals to help fix your terrible relationship, you want to lie to them? In any case, the point of the financial adviser isn't to go over the numbers for you. It's to get a neutral third-party whom both of you trust to get the both of you on the same page in regards to your finances, because your dysfunctional relationship and total inability to communicate is poisoning every budgeting attempt the two of you try alone. She doesn't listen to you when you say "stop spending hundreds of dollars on crap you don't need" or "holy poo poo we can't afford a house", because she knows she can talk you out of any lines in the sand, and she trusts you so little that she sometimes thinks you're just lying to her to deprive her of things she wants. The financial planning you've done so far is clearly not working, because all you've done is file your wasted money into nice categories; the two of you are not actually cutting your spending to keep it within the budget. Paying a nice man in a suit to re-explain everything you've already told her will hopefully avoid both of those problems, and could possibly save you tens of thousands of dollars in the long run by actually causing her to cut back on her spending, something you've proven completely incapable of. He could probably even convince her that having a second child didn't actually change the fact that you two cannot afford a new house. zaurg posted:gently caress gently caress gently caress I'm working on this list and came across an email I sent to myself with the a copy and paste of text messages she was sending to her ex, last year. And there were a particular few that led me to believe she was cheating on me back then, along with the topless pic. When I confronted her about them she said when she met him at her mom's house one day (which they discussed in the text messages) she said both her dad and sister were there at the house, and it was a harmless simple hello/catch up meeting with an old friend. Well, I never asked her dad or sister about it, so maybe she was just feeding me bullshit back then and really was cheating. I can't imagine she'd be that dumb though as she knew I'd probably ask them about it, so maybe it really was just harmless. Why would she know that you'd probably ask them about it? After all, you didn't ask them about it, and she probably knew (not guessed) drat well you wouldn't. See also: you not wanting to ask them now because you're afraid it might be "awkward". The problem is that you desperately want to save the relationship so you tend to err on the side of whatever your wife wants, you're so beaten-down and depressed that it's difficult for you to get up the energy to really get mad about things, and you have absolutely no friends so the sum total of your day-to-day social contact is your wife who constantly feeds you a mixture of optimism and lies until you start wondering if maybe you're wrong after all. Your perspective is clouded, your mental state is too weak to put up a fight, and your only positive reinforcement is people on the internet. You don't really have any mental support and nobody to back up your beliefs. This results in you completely ignoring reality, instead spending a non-trivial amount of your life in the dream reality your wife has created for you. I'd suggest that, for now, you rely on the counselors and lawyers and advisers to help you out. In the long run, you're going to need to go out to a bar or something and make some goddamn friends because paying people to care about your problems will get expensive eventually. As far as "right now" is concerned, though, be as open with them as possible. You two should never, ever lie to the counselor because he's there to fix your problems and he can't do that if you're going to lie to him. He's a professional, he's not going to break down and cry like your wife does if he hears something he might not agree with. It's important for him to have a full grasp on your problems, so tell him everything you can, otherwise you're just wasting your money. If there's things you're uncomfortable about telling him, such as the cheating suspicions, ask if each of you can have some private time to talk with him alone without the other present. If he doesn't do that or you're worried your wife might be suspicious about it,
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| # ? May 22, 2012 21:59 |
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| # ? May 22, 2013 05:56 |
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Lolie posted:Do you take benzodiazepines by any chance? If you do, it could explain why your recollections of things are often foggy and you're not entirely sure of what went down. Had to look up what a benzodiazepines is and no, I do not take those. I don't take any drugs aside from alcohol 1-2x a week. And caffeine. Lots of caffeine.
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| # ? May 22, 2012 21:59 |
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Zaurg, can you show us a re-worked budget which takes into account the projected cost of pregnancy and delivery and additional childcare after the baby is born? Was $7000 for the last pregnancy your out of pocket expenses? If so, then your "cash left" each month is going to halve for the next 8 months and the way that you guys spend money $1000 per month of "cash left" is likely to be inadequate to maintain a safety buffer.
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| # ? May 22, 2012 22:08 |
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zaurg posted:what is wrong with my brain here A whole loving lot, apparently. When my ex-wife was cheating on me I had way less evidence than you did... and the evidence I had was pretty damning. Your wife is cheating on you. Grab whatever money you have left and get a divorce you poor bastard. Lolie posted:Zaurg, can you show us a re-worked budget which takes into account the projected cost of pregnancy and delivery and additional childcare after the baby is born? Was $7000 for the last pregnancy your out of pocket expenses? Zaurg, can you show us a re-worked budget which takes into account NO MORE ZWIFE?
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| # ? May 22, 2012 23:00 |
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Lolie posted:Zaurg, can you show us a re-worked budget which takes into account the projected cost of pregnancy and delivery and additional childcare after the baby is born? Was $7000 for the last pregnancy your out of pocket expenses? If so, then your "cash left" each month is going to halve for the next 8 months and the way that you guys spend money $1000 per month of "cash left" is likely to be inadequate to maintain a safety buffer. $1000 per month of "cash left" is going to be "$500 dollars per month of debt increasing".
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| # ? May 22, 2012 23:04 |
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zaurg posted:Had to look up what a benzodiazepines is and no, I do not take those. I don't take any drugs aside from alcohol 1-2x a week. Maybe you could become an alcoholic as a way to force your wife to leave you!
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| # ? May 22, 2012 23:07 |
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Main Paineframe posted:you're going to need to go out to a bar OH GOD NO. Stay away from the bar. I have a feeling Zaurg is already drinking way more than he lets on if he's having blackouts and throwing poo poo through his walls. I'm not saying it would excuse Zwife's dysfunction, but it would certainly make a lot more sense in the context of her husband being an alcoholic. And even if he weren't, bars are expensive.
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| # ? May 22, 2012 23:33 |
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Actually, he should go to a bar and explain the whole wife sending nude photos of herself to her ex and taking off work to meet up with him at the house and get their opinion of the whole thing. I think maybe if someone laughed and  at the same time in his face, it might snap him to.
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| # ? May 23, 2012 00:53 |
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Broken Dictionary posted:Actually, he should go to a bar and explain the whole wife sending nude photos of herself to her ex and taking off work to meet up with him at the house and get their opinion of the whole thing. I think maybe if someone laughed and I don't know why they would laugh... that's obviously something a Good Mom™ would do
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| # ? May 23, 2012 01:28 |
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Maybe he'll get lucky and knock someone else up!
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| # ? May 23, 2012 01:35 |
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I'm starting to think we should just start openly rooting for Zwife.
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| # ? May 23, 2012 02:56 |
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9VtOOTk-rHU
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| # ? May 23, 2012 03:07 |
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more friedman units posted:I'm starting to think we should just start openly rooting for Zwife. Agreed. "Who will rid me of this turbulant husband?"
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| # ? May 23, 2012 03:19 |
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Here's hoping for twins.
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| # ? May 23, 2012 03:42 |
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This is getting seriously pathetic. How do two people like this have the right to have children and buy real estate?
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| # ? May 23, 2012 04:08 |
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Zaurg, where do you see yourself financially in ten years time?
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| # ? May 23, 2012 04:24 |
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Errant Gin Monks posted:This is getting seriously pathetic. How do two people like this have the right to have children and buy real estate? I was going to object to the 'real estate' part, but he does sort of seem to have been abusing his house.
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| # ? May 23, 2012 04:55 |
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notsoape posted:Zaurg, where do you see yourself financially in ten years time? Taking it up the rear end for 2/3 of his paycheque in child support and alimony to keep her in megahangers and wonderjuice.
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| # ? May 23, 2012 05:38 |
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Errant Gin Monks posted:This is getting seriously pathetic. How do two people like this have the right to have children and buy real estate? bugs_bunny_florida.gif
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| # ? May 23, 2012 05:45 |
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Ninpo posted:Taking it up the rear end for 2/3 of his paycheque in child support and alimony to keep her in megahangers and wonderjuice. After she leaves him for someone who'll pay for all her dumb poo poo.
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| # ? May 23, 2012 06:24 |
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LorneReams posted:I still think there is hope...you just need to figure poo poo out. I read this as "there is rope" 
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| # ? May 23, 2012 06:51 |
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pigdog posted:I read this as "there is rope" either/or, really.
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| # ? May 23, 2012 08:19 |
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Probably about the end of this thread. Not much else going to come out of this thread now.
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| # ? May 23, 2012 12:27 |
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zaurg posted:drat we're back at this familiar cycle where everyone thinks I'm trolling, but sadly it is all true. Last thread I resorted to posting pictures to prove I wasn't trolling. Can't really see how I can do that now. I'm trying to figure out why you have copies of her outgoing text messages but not the incoming ones. Tell more about how you discovered this nooner incident.
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| # ? May 23, 2012 12:45 |
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zaurg posted:Probably about the end of this thread. Not much else going to come out of this thread now.
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| # ? May 23, 2012 12:49 |
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zaurg posted:Probably about the end of this thread. Not much else going to come out of this thread now. Zaurg, I feel for you, and urge you to ignore the 90% of replies that is nothing more than white noise. There is a lot of good advice, and I think you're going to need all the good advice you can get in the upcoming months. Some of us don't think you're a terrible person. I would say those that do think you're a terrible person, are themselves terrible people. In the end we're all people on the internet, and you should take everything that is said with a giant grain of salt. There are small nuggets of wisdom in all of this feces, believe it or not, and that wisdom could mean a huge difference in the quality of your life in five years. In the end, only you know what you want out of life and only you know what you're willing to do to get there.
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| # ? May 23, 2012 12:54 |
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CornHolio posted:Zaurg, I feel for you, and urge you to ignore the 90% of replies that is nothing more than white noise. There is a lot of good advice, and I think you're going to need all the good advice you can get in the upcoming months. Far more elequently put than I could manage.
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| # ? May 23, 2012 13:01 |
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zaurg posted:Probably about the end of this thread. Not much else going to come out of this thread now. Zaurg, before you go please look back to my previous post about getting your own therapist. I think what's going on with you requires more help than a couple's therapist or pastoral counsellor can provide. Other than that I don't really have anything else useful to say anymore about what's going on, so I'm out. Good luck.
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| # ? May 23, 2012 13:06 |
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Is your wife cheating on you or not? I need to know for sure. I really need to know.
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| # ? May 23, 2012 13:11 |
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smashczar posted:Is your wife cheating on you or not? I need to know for sure. I really need to know. Don't worry ex boyfriend, even if she sells you out Zaurg will never come find you cause he's a coward.
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| # ? May 23, 2012 13:15 |
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CornHolio posted:Zaurg, I feel for you, and urge you to ignore the 90% of replies that is nothing more than white noise. There is a lot of good advice, and I think you're going to need all the good advice you can get in the upcoming months. So tell us Cornholio at what point does he become a "terrible person"? Is it non terrible people that give not a thought to bringing a second child into a horrible relationship that they can't possibly afford? Is it a stellar example of a human being that decides to have a child when eyebrow deep in debt and unemployed? Is he evil? No. But there comes a point where "awwww poor Zaurg" just doesn't cut it. He's actually brought a vast majority of this poo poo onto his very own head, either by being a gutless/spineless excuse of a man and not putting his foot down with his partner or contributing to his own demise directly. Btw you mentioned "knowing this pain" of cheating, is that something yet to come up in your old thread?
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| # ? May 23, 2012 13:37 |
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Ninpo posted:So tell us Cornholio at what point does he become a "terrible person"? Is it non terrible people that give not a thought to bringing a second child into a horrible relationship that they can't possibly afford? Is it a stellar example of a human being that decides to have a child when eyebrow deep in debt and unemployed? I don't think it's BFC's place to judge whether he's a terrible person or not. Should poor people not be allowed to have children? What about people in debt? What about people in severe debt? Realize the huge ethical can of worms that opens. The man asked for financial help and advice, and I think BFC should give him all the advice they can give him regardless of their opinions on the man. Yes, it's entertaining to mock somebody derisively. Yes, it makes us feel warm inside knowing we're better off financially than he is. By some measurables, people can think they're less horrible beings than he is. But none of that is productive and none of that is going to generate good advice. It even gets to a point where it isn't even fun to read (when people start jokingly saying he should kill himself - not something you should say to somebody that has a history of depression, you know) quote:Btw you mentioned "knowing this pain" of cheating, is that something yet to come up in your old thread? You could say that.
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| # ? May 23, 2012 14:06 |
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Zaurg isn't necessarily a terrible person, he just makes terrible decisions. If he chooses not to fix these problems, then he becomes a terrible person because he is knowingly putting himself and his daughter at risk of financial and mental ruin. He just needs to realize he CAN do better, then take the steps to do it. As was pointed out, he doesn't have any support structure on this endeavor, which makes it really hard to succeed or stay motivated. There are serious issues with his wife and his own near-apathy that both contribute to his problems. Everyone here knows if he could just realize this and get the necessary help to fix those problems, he could get his life back on track. It's frustrating when he doesn't, or does something counter-productive, and that's when we tend to lash out at him. Also, CornHolio had his own thread. You're currently reading it. So how about you just continue reading and leave CH talk out of here. CH has done his time.
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| # ? May 23, 2012 14:08 |
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Ninpo posted:Btw you mentioned "knowing this pain" of cheating, is that something yet to come up in your old thread? And how. Anyway. Zaurg, you aren't a terrible person, just a really misguided one who's been through a lot in the past few years. Like, a LOT. I second the urging to get your own therapist. Not a pastoral counselor, one with a degree. Shop around, find one you click with. A licensed social worker or a psychologist can help you.
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| # ? May 23, 2012 14:09 |
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Quantum Finger posted:Anyway. Zaurg, you aren't a terrible person, just a really misguided one who's been through a lot in the past few years. Like, a LOT. I second the urging to get your own therapist. Not a pastoral counselor, one with a degree. Shop around, find one you click with. A licensed social worker or a psychologist can help you. I think a lot of what happens in Zaurg's future is going to hinge on whether he decides to stay with his wife. And it sounds like a lot of that hinges on whether she cheated on him. Whichever path his life takes, he is going to require financial advice, and I hope this forum is man enough to provide that advice in either case.
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| # ? May 23, 2012 14:15 |
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| # ? May 22, 2013 05:56 |
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Quantum Finger posted:Anyway. Zaurg, you aren't a terrible person
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| # ? May 23, 2012 14:16 |
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