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Jimbot
Jul 22, 2008


Ambiguatron posted:

You would think they would tailor better endings to imported characters to encourage people jumping on board to go out and buy the other games. I only played Mass Effect 1 after I played 2 and saw in these threads how much I was missing out on.

The game, overall, felt really rushed. Maybe I'm giving them too much credit (I probably am) but they probably would have put in a far better ending that was the sum of all your choices had they more development time. If I'm remembering correctly, the LOTS OF SPECULATION FROM EVERYONE was written in December of 2011. Had they two or two and a half years of development time, the game would have been more polished and the ending better.

When the dark, middle game of the trilogy has the best, upbeat ending and the conclusion of the trilogy has the crap, nihilistic ending you done gone and mucked up.

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go3
Dec 20, 2006


^^^ ME2 felt pretty rushed and it showed

I nuke Kaidan every time because its what I so wanted to do to whiny-as-gently caress Carth Onasi.

ImpAtom
May 24, 2007

Are you mocking me?

Kaiden is like the only character who got over his poo poo on his own and I appreciate him for that.

He gets new poo poo in ME2 but that is because you're working for Space Hitler and the Space Nazis. It isn't really fair since you can't tell Space Hitler to gently caress off but he's basically the only person who has a plausible reaction instead of "Well, I guess working with Cerberus isn't that bad... What's that, they rebuilt Shepard as a part robot? And they swore very hard they didn't do anything bad to you? Well, if you say so..."

Admittedly it looks a lot less bad after ME3 where Cerberus proves themselves to be cartoonishly evil and every single not-terrible person was carefully chosen to present the image of not being supervillains, thereby justifying Kaiden (and I presume Ashley) telling you that you're a crazy person for working with Cerberus.

Pocket Abortions
Oct 27, 2011

by Y Kant Ozma Post


rear end Effect: A Massive rear end Biopic of Buttholes

“I would love to see a fan-chart describing all the alien species’ exact capacity for butt romance.” I typed into the group chat, having never played mass effect and absolutely not wanting any of those things except out of some morbid curiosity. With the help of some friends I made that night-dream-mare a frightening horror-reality:

quote:

Krogans have scaly buttholes, work well with metal/glass toys but avoid intercourse.

Asari have creamy, smooth buttholes. perfect for anal sex and rimming but make sure to use lots of lubricant as their rectal lining tears incredibly easily!

Salarians evolved naturally distended buttholes to match their regional food sources. Great for fisting or even double fisting but too loose for regular butt love. Some Salarians have even fit entire Human heads in their butts.

Geth do not have assholes why would you even try to gently caress a Geth what is wrong with you go be gay for Geth somewhere else SPACE LOSER.

Eyes aren’t the only thing Batarians have doubles of! Female Batarians make great party guests and can entertain up to four functionally retarded space marines for hours.

Quarians have one hole for pretty much everything and universal genitals to boot! Great for watersports-scat-mensturation-futanari-bondage enthusiasts.

The Volus digestive track is one long tunnel with the intestine, mouth and stomach compounded into one super sexy organ! It’s seven-foot long buttmouthhole makes a great lover and friend for the Turian’s gigantic rocky cock! Great with Hanar as well, but the corrosive acid within the Volus’ digestive track combined with the Hanar’s dozens of extremely sensitive genitals makes for an expensive sexual experiance; All those condoms can get expensive!!

Humans are too smelly compared to other races! (even Krogans!) Avoid at all cost!

Elcor have hair-like flesh tentacles hanging aloft of their tasty anal tunnels as a way of extracting more nutrition from their food on the way out, and as a cleaning mechanism. For you fussy butt-lovers out there, this means their butts are always smell-free! Personally, I could eat out and slurp just all over their pinapple-y fresh holes until my mouth ran try, and then I’d lick some more!

eating out a Drell’s butthole can cause amazing or even terrifying hallucinations! Because of this fact, as well as their shell color, rimming Drells has earned the street term “four-twentying”

Few have breached the fiery passage that is the Prothean rectum, but those who did described it as “spicy!”

Yahgs are like Batarians, only twice the fun! FOUR BUTTS, and that’s not even the best part! he Yahg’s eyes evolved to retract far into it’s skull to survive the harsh sandstorms of it’s home planet. Including that and it’s pepper-grinder-esquire mouth for those Turians that like to live—and gently caress dangerously, that makes for 17 willing fuckholes on a average female Yahg! This race was well known for collapsing the space-prostitution bubble economy.

The Reaper’s terrifying butthole is hundreds of miles long and wide, thousands more deep and spews a constant rain of searing magma. try double-strength condoms.

(USER WAS BANNED FOR THIS POST)

Party Plane Jones
Jul 1, 2007

Flying the friendly skies in relative safet-oh god the engine fell off


Pocket Abortions posted:

rear end Effect: A Massive rear end Biopic of Buttholes

“I would love to see a fan-chart describing all the alien species’ exact capacity for butt romance.” I typed into the group chat, having never played mass effect and absolutely not wanting any of those things except out of some morbid curiosity. With the help of some friends I made that night-dream-mare a frightening horror-reality:

Krogans have scaly buttholes, work well with metal/glass toys but avoid intercourse.

Asari have creamy, smooth buttholes. perfect for anal sex and rimming but make sure to use lots of lubricant as their rectal lining tears incredibly easily!

Salarians evolved naturally distended buttholes to match their regional food sources. Great for fisting or even double fisting but too loose for regular butt love. Some Salarians have even fit entire Human heads in their butts.

Geth do not have assholes why would you even try to gently caress a Geth what is wrong with you go be gay for Geth somewhere else SPACE LOSER.

Eyes aren’t the only thing Batarians have doubles of! Female Batarians make great party guests and can entertain up to four functionally retarded space marines for hours.

Quarians have one hole for pretty much everything and universal genitals to boot! Great for watersports-scat-mensturation-futanari-bondage enthusiasts.

The Volus digestive track is one long tunnel with the intestine, mouth and stomach compounded into one super sexy organ! It’s seven-foot long buttmouthhole makes a great lover and friend for the Turian’s gigantic rocky cock! Great with Hanar as well, but the corrosive acid within the Volus’ digestive track combined with the Hanar’s dozens of extremely sensitive genitals makes for an expensive sexual experiance; All those condoms can get expensive!!

Humans are too smelly compared to other races! (even Krogans!) Avoid at all cost!

Elcor have hair-like flesh tentacles hanging aloft of their tasty anal tunnels as a way of extracting more nutrition from their food on the way out, and as a cleaning mechanism. For you fussy butt-lovers out there, this means their butts are always smell-free! Personally, I could eat out and slurp just all over their pinapple-y fresh holes until my mouth ran try, and then I’d lick some more!

eating out a Drell’s butthole can cause amazing or even terrifying hallucinations! Because of this fact, as well as their shell color, rimming Drells has earned the street term “four-twentying”

Few have breached the fiery passage that is the Prothean rectum, but those who did described it as “spicy!”

Yahgs are like Batarians, only twice the fun! FOUR BUTTS, and that’s not even the best part! The Yahg’s eyes evolved to retract far into it’s skull to survive the harsh sandstorms of it’s home planet. Including that and it’s pepper-grinder-esquire mouth for those Turians that like to live—and gently caress dangerously, that makes for 17 willing fuckholes on a average female Yahg! This race was well known for collapsing the space-prostitution bubble economy.

The Reaper’s terrifying butthole is hundreds of miles long and wide, thousands more deep and spews a constant rain of searing magma. try double-strength condoms.

what

Zzulu
May 15, 2009


The only character on the Normandy I never liked was Jacob. Kaiden was dull but he was okay.

Jacob is just kind of there, though. Terrible VA, as well. They should have made Kasumi or Zaeed a proper character in ME2 instead of Jacob

Mister Bates
Aug 4, 2010


Jimbot posted:

I look forward to getting conquered by half-cyborg trees because they're sick of us cyborg humans cutting them down for material. I heard they're allied with the cyborg grass and cyborg leaves too.

With Joker's cyborg baseball cap manipulating them from the shadows.

CrushedB
Jun 1, 2008



Yo thanks for that man, real big ups.

Megaman's Jockstrap
Jul 16, 2000

What a horrible thread to have a post.


Another Forbes article contrasting corporate control of commercial art to fan requests:
http://www.forbes.com/sites/erikkai...commercial-art/

sizuka2
Mar 19, 2012
Lurking. Always lurking.

Zzulu posted:

The concept of imported profiles making a big impact in the sequels is a noble concept but most people I know of don't do that. They don't save the gamefiles so they can import them next year in the sequel. I wonder how many mainstream gamers actually bother with it

ME2 data was that 50% of players imported saves, so... that's more than enough for developers to want to take them into account.

Interestingly enough, only about 50% finished ME2. The same 50%?

Burning Mustache
Sep 4, 2006

Zaeed got stories.
Kasumi got loot.
All I got was a hole in my suit.


EDIT: ^^^ Curse you! :I

Zzulu posted:

The concept of imported profiles making a big impact in the sequels is a noble concept but most people I know of don't do that. They don't save the gamefiles so they can import them next year in the sequel. I wonder how many mainstream gamers actually bother with it



Granted that's for ME2 and that was only a couple of months after ME2's release I think, but 50% seems pretty high, especially if you consider that only 50% of all players even finish the game. I wouldn't be surprised if more than 50% of the people who even reached the ending of ME3 did so with an imported savegame.

Codependent Poster
Oct 20, 2003

Emergency induction port.

I heard Thane call me Siha in the forest.

I was a male Shepard.

Sorry, buddy, I didn't know you liked me like that!

Cthulu Carl
Apr 16, 2006

Your words are as empty as your cereal bowl. I am the Vanguard of your Hanzo steel's destruction. This exchange is over...


Zzulu posted:

The only character on the Normandy I never liked was Jacob. Kaiden was dull but he was okay.

Jacob is just kind of there, though. Terrible VA, as well. They should have made Kasumi or Zaeed a proper character in ME2 instead of Jacob

Kaiden is just boring.

Jacob is mostly boring with occasional forays into "dumber than a bag of hammers" and daddy issues.

This Legion & Friends has a better portrayal of Jacob than the real Jacob.

Thwomp
Apr 9, 2003

BA-DUHHH

Zzulu posted:

The only character on the Normandy I never liked was Jacob. Kaiden was dull but he was okay.

Jacob is just kind of there, though. Terrible VA, as well. They should have made Kasumi or Zaeed a proper character in ME2 instead of Jacob

This. Kaiden at least has a strange backstory about being sent to a "school" for Biotic youths and abused until he developed more of his powers. It's a little boring but still ok.

Jacob has a surprise sex-planet his father ran. That's not really enough to overcome all the blandness.

I was going to say Vega belongs on this list until I realized he's literally the son Shepard and Wrex could never have. And he's a bit funny.


Also, here's a question:

If you hate Kaiden, would you rather 1) blow him up with nuclear fire or 2) let him wallow in Ashley's nuclear fire death, wait through all of ME2 to make him think you're with Cerberus, and then plant a bullet in his head in ME3?

The Ultimate Frisco
Oct 1, 2007
When there aren't that many friscos, it's easy to be the Ultimate one.

Mr. Pumroy posted:


I agree with this. The default Shepard lives in a TERRIBLE universe where everything goes wrong. In that context it makes sense that he die and the war be a miserable slaughter and Earth gets vaporized. The starchild is still stupid as hell, but that will be true in every context.


I didn't think of it that way, and I guess that would make sense. You weren't there to do everything in ME2 so this is how everything is instead. To me I just feel bad that people are missing out on a lot of badass moment, but I guess the assumption is you didn't play it before so it's not really as awesome of a moment to you.

I think I feel more sorry for my friend because he did play from ME1 and then he hears me go on about "gently caress yeah Thane kicked rear end didn't he?" and he's all disappointed because he missed out on that.

But the alternate universe where the suicide mission didn't really go according to plan and so many people are dead makes sense, and then would make the endings a bit more congruent... but not enough to justify them being a steaming pile of poo poo.

Zzulu
May 15, 2009


sizuka2 posted:

ME2 data was that 50% of players imported saves, so... that's more than enough for developers to want to take them into account.

Interestingly enough, only about 50% finished ME2. The same 50%?

That statistic just seems wonky to me. HALF the people who buy a game (a sequel to boot) never finished it? What?

Aristobulus
Mar 20, 2007

Slap omni-gel on
everything.



These avatars paid for Lowtax new boat.


Pocket Abortions posted:

rear end Effect: A Massive rear end Biopic of Buttholes

“I would love to see a fan-chart describing all the alien species’ exact capacity for butt romance.” I typed into the group chat, having never played mass effect and absolutely not wanting any of those things except out of some morbid curiosity. With the help of some friends I made that night-dream-mare a frightening horror-reality:

I see we have our own version of TaliSweat.jpg

Dapper Dan
Dec 16, 2004

Well, I don't want Fop, goddamn it! I'm a Dapper Dan man!

sizuka2 posted:

The kid is... a kid. And should get a break for being twelve years old, and writing to the makers of a game he loved. I'm pretty confident he was hoping they'd make something awesome.

Oh, don't get me wrong, I'm not accusing or blaming him of anything. You are right, he's just a kid. If Mac Walters was touched by his letter he should have poured that emotion into the ending of the game. Instead of whatever the hell he did.

sizuka2
Mar 19, 2012
Lurking. Always lurking.

Zzulu posted:

The only character on the Normandy I never liked was Jacob. Kaiden was dull but he was okay.

Jacob is just kind of there, though. Terrible VA, as well. They should have made Kasumi or Zaeed a proper character in ME2 instead of Jacob

Then this is for you.

sizuka2 fucked around with this message at Mar 27, 2012 around 17:16

Zzulu
May 15, 2009


Two people played Mass Effect 28 times

Which one of you was this?

Torsade de Pointes
Feb 14, 2006

Oh, yeah. I name all the operations that go down in Taipei, even the ones that aren't mine. Operation Latex Turtle, Operation Angry Bees, Operation AAAAAHHHH-YOOOOOOOW! Heh. That was a good one.


Zzulu posted:

That statistic just seems wonky to me. HALF the people who buy a game (a sequel to boot) never finished it? What?

I've heard that's not really uncommon. Plus, that probably includes rentals of the game.

Banjodark
Jun 10, 2001

Beautiful and good
Punishing with his kindness
Jacob is perfect


r1ngwthszzors posted:

I know it's PC Gamer and stuff, but this is great:

http://www.pcgamer.com/2012/03/26/i...but-thats-okay/

So many people are so wrong about the best companion/male shepard romance in the game. Must be terrible to be you all.

Nuke ashley err'day

sassassin
Apr 3, 2010
Bench press was, is and will never be a great chest builder.

Burning Mustache posted:

EDIT: ^^^ Curse you! :I




Granted that's for ME2 and that was only a couple of months after ME2's release I think, but 50% seems pretty high, especially if you consider that only 50% of all players even finish the game.

Your chart says that only 50% of all players finished the game within a couple of months. Not in total.

sizuka2
Mar 19, 2012
Lurking. Always lurking.

Zzulu posted:

That statistic just seems wonky to me. HALF the people who buy a game (a sequel to boot) never finished it? What?

Most game buyers don't finish most games. From that perspective, you can see why they wouldn't focus on the ending since most won't reach it!

From any reasonable perspective, though... write a drat ending.

Hot Dog Day #82
Jul 5, 2003



Zzulu posted:

That statistic just seems wonky to me. HALF the people who buy a game (a sequel to boot) never finished it? What?

I am an awful person and rarely beat most of the games I buy. That statistic doesn't sound too surprising, plus since it was released a few months into the game I'd bet that that percentage has moved up

Burning Mustache
Sep 4, 2006

Zaeed got stories.
Kasumi got loot.
All I got was a hole in my suit.


Zzulu posted:

That statistic just seems wonky to me. HALF the people who buy a game (a sequel to boot) never finished it? What?

That's pretty common for video games in general as far as I know. Keep in mind how many 'casual' gamers are out there that just buy a game and fire it up for an hour or so every couple of weeks because they just don't play video games more often than that, or parents / grandparents buying their kids a game they don't even care about and just toss them in a corner after firing them up once, etc.

mania
Sep 9, 2004


Mr. Pumroy posted:

After I played through that I loaded up my paragon Shepard who saved goddamn everyone and that dumb dream forest with its voices of the dead is mighty empty. There's like, one instance of Mordin speaking after his death, and the rest of the time it's just generic voices whispering "Shepard" while I run after that drat kid just before he self immolates in protest at being in this game.

I did the opposite of you, played my saved everyone Shep first and goddamn were the dream sequences boring. I don't think I even heard Mordin after he died. Later on, playing through with the Shep who let everybody die, it was actually interesting trying to identify the different voices of the dead squad and crew.

ImpAtom
May 24, 2007

Are you mocking me?

Zzulu posted:

That statistic just seems wonky to me. HALF the people who buy a game (a sequel to boot) never finished it? What?

50% is high for a game. The vast majority of people who purchase a game will never finish the single player campaign, and that number decreases the longer the game is. One thing achievements have done is make it very easy for developers to get a rough estimate of what people do in a game, how much of a game they finish, what features they do/don't skip, ect.

sizuka2
Mar 19, 2012
Lurking. Always lurking.

sassassin posted:

Your chart says that only 50% of all players finished the game within a couple of months. Not in total.

Chart's from September of 2010, ME2 released in January 2010 - wouldn't be many who were still halfway through by then who were still going to finish. I think we can say that's a fair approximation of the average completion rate.

go3
Dec 20, 2006


Zzulu posted:

That statistic just seems wonky to me. HALF the people who buy a game (a sequel to boot) never finished it? What?

poo poo, theres a thread dedicated to games people started yet never finished and Mass Effect(along with quite a few other popular games) comes up regularly.

Burning Mustache
Sep 4, 2006

Zaeed got stories.
Kasumi got loot.
All I got was a hole in my suit.


sassassin posted:

Your chart says that only 50% of all players finished the game within a couple of months. Not in total.

Yes but the 50% mark is generally a pretty good rule of thumb, not only for a couple of months, but for a game's entire lifetime, or so I've been told by people who know a lot more about this than me (i.e. game developers).

Rookersh
Aug 19, 2010

Midgets be packing some Space-Age shit!



Zzulu posted:

That statistic just seems wonky to me. HALF the people who buy a game never finishes it? What?

http://steamcommunity.com/stats/Portal2/achievements

Lunacy - 58%

http://steamcommunity.com/stats/Ser...FE/achievements

Serious Sam - 9.3%

http://steamcommunity.com/stats/AlanWake/achievements

Hardboiled Writer - 23.8%

http://steamcommunity.com/stats/DXHR/achievements

Trooper - 43.1%

It alternates a bit, but its usually between 25-40% of people actually finish games they buy, at least according to Steam achievements.

Cthulu Carl
Apr 16, 2006

Your words are as empty as your cereal bowl. I am the Vanguard of your Hanzo steel's destruction. This exchange is over...


sizuka2 posted:

Then this is for you.



An N7 toilet

What the hell, does Shep just go through the ship slapping "N7" stickers on poo poo and going "This here is mine!"

... Which I guess further explains Jack's N7 tattoo if you romance her

Zzulu
May 15, 2009


Weirdos who buy sequels and never finish them

Mass Effect 2 was totally worth finishing

In fact, the finish was the best part

BrandorKP
Jan 21, 2006


mania posted:

I did the opposite of you, played my saved everyone Shep first and goddamn were the dream sequences boring. I don't think I even heard Mordin after he died. Later on, playing through with the Shep who let everybody die, it was actually interesting trying to identify the different voices of the dead squad and crew.

This was my experience, too. I literally did not realize there was more than one voice, until I read it here.

sizuka2
Mar 19, 2012
Lurking. Always lurking.

Cthulu Carl posted:

An N7 toilet

What the hell, does Shep just go through the ship slapping "N7" stickers on poo poo and going "This here is mine!"

... Which I guess further explains Jack's N7 tattoo if you romance her

It's an occupation code. Alliance procurement certifies equipment for the unique demands of special forces operations.

I.e.:



It may seem odd, but there are all kinds of issues with the procurement process as it stands.

sizuka2 fucked around with this message at Mar 27, 2012 around 17:15

Funkz
May 7, 2007

I'm the Avatar! You gotta deal with it!


Every ME3-thread is surprisingly lacking in (weird) fan-art











Also, here's Garrus

Jimbot
Jul 22, 2008


Mainly because it starts to de-evolve the thread into really creepy poo poo territory and bad fanart that was posted ironically starts to be posted seriously.

Megaman's Jockstrap
Jul 16, 2000

What a horrible thread to have a post.


Please don't post poo poo or weird fan-art, thank you.

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Cthulu Carl
Apr 16, 2006

Your words are as empty as your cereal bowl. I am the Vanguard of your Hanzo steel's destruction. This exchange is over...


Funkz posted:

Also, here's Garrus



If ever there was a Mass Effect equivalent of ...

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