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Volume
May 2, 2008


sok2bametalhead posted:

I know this one is a video and may not be what you're after, but it kills me every time I watch it:

"Hot New Video Game Consists Solely Of Shooting People Point-Blank In The Face"

http://www.theonion.com/video/hot-n...ting-peo,14325/

Videos should totally count.
Child Bankrupts Make-A-Wish Foundation With Wish For Unlimited Wishes




As for an article.
Suicide Letter Full Of Simpsons References

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Volume
May 2, 2008


New Anti-Smoking Ads Warn Teens 'It's Gay To Smoke'

Volume
May 2, 2008



Bush Sr. Apologizes To Son For Funding Bin Laden In '80s


Fantastic.

Volume
May 2, 2008


Dr_Amazing posted:

Is there a way to disable the giant paywall popup thing? You can just reload the page and stop it before it loads, but that's a pain and it doesn't work for videos.

My version of Firefox has a neat little thing that stops auto-reloading.

Tools > Options > Advanced > General > Accessibility > Warn me when websites try to redirect or reload the page.

It's a bit of a pain on forums but otherwise has saved me a ton of grief.

Volume
May 2, 2008



Is this on youtube or something because I saw this on my facebook feed 2 weeks ago and couldn't get the link to work. I googled it and couldn't get the link to work, this link doesn't work. I clicked on it from their website and the link doesn't work. It all just goes to a blank white page.
I wanna see this!

Volume
May 2, 2008


As a bears fan, this cut deep because it's so true.
Matt Forte Suffers Career-Ending Contract With Chicago Bears

Edit: And the Onion still refuses to accept that it's ever too soon.

Sadly, Nation Knows Exactly How Colorado Shooting's Aftermath Will Play Out

Volume fucked around with this message at Jul 20, 2012 around 20:44

Volume
May 2, 2008


New episode of Sex House.

http://youtu.be/0CcGO0xE6tI

Volume
May 2, 2008


Romantic-Comedy Behavior Gets Real-Life Man Arrested

Volume
May 2, 2008


Man Thanks God He's Not Sexually Attracted To Children

Volume
May 2, 2008


2nd-Grade Teacher Can't Believe How Much Fatter They Keep Getting

Volume
May 2, 2008


Grifter posted:

I came to the thread to post this, it's brutal and amazing. One of the tougher to read onion articles.

Oh man you're not even joking.

quote:

As frenzied convention-goers bandied the Marine’s body around the arena like a beach ball, the show continued on stage with Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-MN) invoking scripture to scare a pregnant teenager out of having an abortion while a scale model of a Planned Parenthood clinic burned in the background.

Eliciting one of the biggest cheers of the night, House Speaker John Boehner then hog-tied an inner-city welfare recipient and backhanded him over and over until he promised to work harder and provide for his family instead of relying on government handouts.

Volume
May 2, 2008


SpiderHyphenMan posted:

Google's 9/11 Homepage Design Stirs Controversy


Holy poo poo!

Volume
May 2, 2008


NASA Scientists Plan To Approach Girl By 2018

Volume
May 2, 2008


Ariong posted:

Oh my god. Can you believe those fuckers that think they're entitled to things like "food" and "shelter" and "medical care"?

There goes Romney, I guess.

I wish. If anything this just makes his supporters more adamant about voting for him. "He's gonna show those freeloaders what's what!"

Volume
May 2, 2008


Corrections

quote:


Bigger Than Jesus

We would like to apologize for stating last week that The Onion is “bigger than Jesus.” What we meant to imply is that The Onion is more important and influential than Jesus, not that our newspaper is in any way physically larger than He was. We regret any confusion.

This one hits close to home Dad Suggests Arriving At Airport 14 Hours Early

Volume
May 2, 2008


Naked, Tied-Up Paul Ryan Tells Staff He Can’t Prepare For Debate Unless They Slap Him Harder

Volume
May 2, 2008


Guy Eating Pistachios And Watching 'Sniper' Doesn't Seem To Be Part Of Haunted House

Last line kills it.

Volume
May 2, 2008


It's a video and not that funny in all honesty but it's the last unrelated line that sells it!

Conservative Megadonors Have Spent Week Yelling At Their Money

Volume
May 2, 2008


8-Year-Old Palestinian Boy Pleasantly Surprised He Hasn't Been Killed Yet

Volume
May 2, 2008


Hungover Couple Unaware They Broke Up Last Night

I know most Onion articles aren't worth reading except for the headline and last line, but this one is worth it.

Volume
May 2, 2008


Not sure what The Onion is going for with this SLIDESHOW: The 9 Most SCANDALOUS Rihanna Photos!

Volume
May 2, 2008


I didn't find the tweet funny but just seems kind of odd that they apologized over that when they have stuff like a photoshopped Google homepage about 9/11 and a "top ten cutest child soldiers" slide show.

Volume
May 2, 2008


Dr Christmas posted:

Study: Fame May Shorten Lifespan

Have there been any other American Voices that feature someone other than one of their regular photos?

Only their best one.

Volume
May 2, 2008


internet celebrity posted:

Sometimes I'm blown away by how how far they're willing to push it.

New Subway Promotion To Honor Subtember 11

If you're like me and only chuckle at the headlines in this thread and keep on scrolling. Please click this. The picture on top is fantastic.

Volume
May 2, 2008


Last Chance posted:

New Onion spinoff Clickhole: seems to be a parody of buzzfeed, upworthy, etc.

http://www.clickhole.com/

Some funny stuff in there

Make sure you try the Konami Code

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Volume
May 2, 2008


This 6-Year-Old Guitarist Is Adorable, But My Solos Are Amazing

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