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ultrafilter posted:Totally Hot Chick Also Way Psycho I've always been partial to Nation In Love With Girl From Record Store.
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Apr 3, 2012 10:41
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Brother Jonathan posted:The Biden series was linked earlier, but no one has linked my favorite: I love these so much, I'd never seen any of them before this thread. Kids, Your Mother Is Ready To Start loving Again is fantastic, she's being so open and communicative 
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Apr 9, 2012 07:39
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Brother Jonathan posted:Biden knew about the articles, and has said that they are "hilarious." He also said that he doesn't have a 1981 Trans Am, but does have a 1967 Corvette. Man, I love "Diamond Joe".
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Apr 10, 2012 02:59
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This one just showed up in a related videos search on youtube: Software Indicates Missing Child Likely A Prostitute By Now It's hilarious but my God I felt bad for laughing. The picture-in-picture reactions of the mother are great, and the line,"Please note the defining characteristic of the deep sadness in her eyes," is amazing.
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May 3, 2012 22:24
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redmercer posted:President Obama works out an agreement to have Republicans in Congress kick him in the balls in exchange for nothing. There's a great related video link to Joe Biden trying to make American women hotter, with some pretty neat photoshops of "Diamond Joe" in it.
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May 15, 2012 11:52
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A new "Diamond Joe Biden" story  Biden To Honor Fallen Soldiers By Jumping Motorcycle Over Vietnam Memorial quote:"There's no better way to pay homage to our fallen brothers than by letting it rip, hitting that ramp at full loving blast, and flying through the sky high above the Vietnam Memorial," said Biden, noting that he also plans to execute a midair salute by placing his fingers around his mouth in a V shape and rapidly flicking his tongue.
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May 30, 2012 06:02
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Study: Women Always Answer Their Phones Unless They're Having Great Sex With Someone Else The final line about 99% of women who answer the phone is great as well.
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Jun 17, 2012 02:31
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This is a thing of beauty, thank you. I Had The Idea For Youtube Back In 2010
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Jun 20, 2012 10:24
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Lysidas posted:This is one of my favorites: This was great, I loved the ending. Tea Party Quiet... Too Quiet I thought this one was a bit of a misfire but it improves as it goes on, with the guest interviewee getting creepier and creepier and the host getting increasingly more uncomfortable.
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Jun 21, 2012 01:23
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Oh my God  Sandusky Angry He's Not Going To Be Allowed To Tell The Tender, Romantic Side Of The Story quote:"I'm devastated, to be honest. I thought what we had was real. But it seems it was nothing more than sex to them," added Sandusky, his voice cracking as he shook his head. "Well, live, love, and learn, I always say. I guess that's just how kids are."
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Jun 22, 2012 04:27
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ultrafilter posted:I read about half of that, then realized that I was spending way too much time thinking about Donald Trump's penis and gave up. It's amazing, and worth reading just for the bit about how he tries to cheer himself up by doing some shadowboxing.
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Jun 23, 2012 11:22
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ModernMajorGeneral posted:Oh my god Reminds me of this oldie but goodie - Scientists Successfully Teach Gorilla It Will Die.
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Jul 20, 2012 10:44
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I love the little "reader" comments that appear in relation to actual news stories in the sidebar. Microsoft Announces First-Ever Quarterly Loss “What they should do is use their immense size to box their smaller competitors out of the market. Have they tried that?”
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Jul 23, 2012 01:10
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Young Freud posted:Speaking of which the Teamsters outed "blue-collar white guy" a few years ago, as an UPS delivery driver from when the Onion was still in Madison. quote:“One week’s question was, ‘What would your do if your son was caught putting graffiti on a wall?’” Harris said. “My response in the paper was, ‘I’d break his arm,’ Well, my kid’s arm was in a cast that week. People thought, ‘He really does what he says in the paper.’” Haha, this is great.
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Jul 23, 2012 06:04
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DarkCrawler posted:Jesus Christ Onion Haha, this is too good. Related link: Kim Jong-Un volunteers for first shift of wife's suicide watch.
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Jul 27, 2012 07:42
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Haha, this is fantastic. quote:"Emily is a good, kind, Christian woman," Snowdon added. "But let there be no mistake: She is also one furious gently caress-mama, as well."
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Aug 4, 2012 06:49
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Pet Eating Like Country Isn't In Goddamn Recession I love the closing line with Obama's thoughts on the matter.
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Aug 9, 2012 04:18
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Elim Garak posted:Goddamn The Onion has been really dark lately. Speaking of which - read this article. I'm not even going to say what it's about, just click it and read it and  The final line zinger was even better when I realized my brain had inserted words into the final line myself and what they were actually saying was even funnier.
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Aug 18, 2012 04:57
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Brother Jonathan posted:And then if you want to despair for humanity, read the entries for it at Literally Unbelievable: one, two, three, four, five, six, seven. ....n-no. Nooooooooooooo....... 
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Aug 18, 2012 05:53
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Leofish posted:This is the best one. The Republicans just wish they had a Diamond Joe of their own 
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Aug 21, 2012 05:40
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The sheer loathing the town has for this poor bastard is amazing. I lost it at the "Well, well, well" banner in the local bar, and the closing line about the suicide.
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Aug 27, 2012 04:13
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confirmed reptile posted:Ironic Porn Purchase Leads To Unironic Ejaculation The picture of the dude was an unexpected cherry on the comedy sundae 
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Aug 28, 2012 00:07
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The Lord of Hats posted:It's not on the actual Onion site, but I have a hard time believing that Neil Armstrong died and nobody posted "HOLY poo poo, Man Walks on loving Moon". This is not only my favorite Onion thing ever, it's exactly the way I feel people should basically react every time they look up and notice the moon in the sky. To just sit down and have to catch their breath as they try to come to terms with HOLY gently caress WE PUT MEN ON THE loving MOON!
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Aug 28, 2012 09:37
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I loved Ann Romney Asks For Divorce so much, if only for the amazing closing line about Mitt Romney's reaction.
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Aug 29, 2012 13:38
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Reading-Is-Fundamentalists Slaughter 52 Illiterates This one is an oldie but very enjoyable, and the unexpected line about the KKK cracked me up.
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Sep 4, 2012 10:31
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Oh my loving God 20th Century Fox Green-Lights "United 93 vs Predator" No words, should have sent a poet....
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Sep 11, 2012 23:51
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Apparently Diamond Joe Biden is going to be "live-tweeting" during his debate with Paul Ryan Onion's Facebook posted:Thursday at 8pm EDT/7pm CDT, Vice President Joe Biden will be taking over @OnionPolitics and will live-tweet his debate with Paul Ryan. This is going to rule.
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Oct 10, 2012 02:01
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Nancy Pelosi being one of his drunken buddies is the icing on the cake.
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Oct 13, 2012 00:22
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britishbornandbread posted:Can I just say I've watched this twice and have cried laughing, thank you so much for sharing. The tweets below are just incredible. Along with all the search history jokes, I loved the line about how Romney clearly views Google as "some form of lowly butler". All the "I demand..." stuff before each search was fantastic.
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Oct 19, 2012 23:12
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quote:“Even on some economic issues we don’t quite see eye-to-eye,” continued the Eternal One, a self-described Keynesian who said he has “serious doubts” about the merits of trickle-down economics I love this, especially the bolded part. The closing line of the article is brilliant as well, it muddies the waters beautifully.
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Oct 25, 2012 03:17
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I think it's "just" a headline, but I got a good laugh out of:TheOnion posted:'You Want Me? Come And loving Get Me,' Rain-Soaked Bloomberg Last Heard Screaming From New York Harbor
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Oct 30, 2012 03:16
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Oh TheOnion 
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Nov 4, 2012 03:07
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AFewBricksShy posted:Poll Workers Overhear Biden Repeating Phrase 'Banged Her' While Reading Names On Ballot I am so glad we get at least 4 more years of Diamond Joe stories
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Nov 7, 2012 12:08
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Moments Leading Up To Romney's Concession Most Likely Hilarious I have to admit I'm pretty much the guy they talk about in the article 
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Nov 7, 2012 22:18
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Todd Akin Spends Whole Night Wondering What Went Wrong As usual the closing line is the icing on the cake.
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Nov 8, 2012 00:05
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CatchrNdRy posted:edit: Oh God the picture  
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Nov 8, 2012 06:24
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Volume posted:Not sure what The Onion is going for with this SLIDESHOW: The 9 Most SCANDALOUS Rihanna Photos! Number 8 is the most erotic thing I have ever seen in my life.
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Nov 27, 2012 09:01
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Holy crap, look at God's tattoos  Edit: I kinda half hope the following becomes a regular running theme ala Diamond Joe: Obama Paranoid Government Coming For His Guns Jerusalem has a new favorite as of 03:00 on Dec 8, 2012 |
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Dec 8, 2012 02:54
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There's no way this can be what I think it is going to be. Holy poo poo it is
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Dec 11, 2012 04:19
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I fully support this cause and would be happy to volunteer my time to any necessary duckling wrangling.
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Dec 12, 2012 02:22
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